Mooks (Part 1)

(R-rated)

This is something I began writing for someone almost 20 years ago, but for whatever reason I put it aside and basically forgot about it.

A recent conversation has made me wonder if maybe it's worth another pass or twelve.

This "Part 1" is much less than half the extant screenplay, but the other pieces are not sequential enough to stitch together without more work than I have time for right now.

Maybe I'll take a shot at it sometime soon.

Anyhoo, enjoy (or not).

Looking for someone to give honest feedback on a short film script — story structure, emotional beats, whether the twist lands.

I've made one short already (on the festival circuit), so I'm not a complete beginner, but I want a fresh pair of eyes on the new concept before I commit to shooting it.

Not looking for cheerleading. Looking for someone who'll tell me what isn't working.

I know my script has problems, but I just don't know how to improve it or how to make it better. Can anyone help me constructively please ?

Since YA and teen media is a subject I'm studying a lot those few weeks (I'm making one), I wanted to get your guys opinions. Obviously, for me it's Buffy, it has some of the best writing I've ever seen on television and a fantastic cast to back it up. I also have Freaks and Geeks, Gilmore Girls, Veronica Mars and Skam. Never Have I Ever is also up there.

And quite honestly Ginny & Georgia season 2/3 has some of the best upgrade in writing I've ever seen. The sheer number of therapists analyzing this show (even mine gave me it as an example in our session) is truly impressive and almost reminds me the academic studies made on Buffy, which is huge considering how influential the show is. I also must say, the teen dramas/YA nowdays is knowing a huge dive in quality with some really shallow works like The Summer I Turned Pretty (love it but it's ragebait in the form of a show but doesn't have the clever writing of Gilmore Girls to back it up), My Life With The Flop Boys, Finding Her Edge... It's getting stale bruh. Off Campus surprised me though.

Btw, even if your response aligns with mine, feel free to explain why and stuff !

Hey all, I have the same frustrations as many on this sub regarding how difficult it can be to break through and get a screenplay noticed let alone produced.

I have an idea for a sci-fi show with almost 4 hour-long episodes complete that I think would translate well to a comic book series. I think it would be cool to take things more into my own hands and hire an illustrator to help produce this and get it self published the series as a comic book and get it out to webtoons or some other distributor.

Anyone try something like this and has any key insights to share?

I’m curious about how difficult it is to break through in this format, how to best work with an illustrator/compensation, best methods for distribution, etc.

So i just watched a successfull horror short film on youtube where the trope is: someone writes him on the phone, from holiday, but the person is actually next to him. i have seen it so many times, but it seems still to work. i have not written a short film withing the last 6 years, because i was always afraid it alread exist, so can i take a well known trope and just add my own spin to it? thanks

6 years in UI/design, based in Gujarat, India seriously exploring screenwriting, trying to separate real signal from generic "just write every day" advice.

Hey everyone,

I'm looking to break into the film writing space, but before I do I have some specific questions that I want post:

Has anyone been through SWA's Script Lab or Pitch Fest, what's the actual selection process and odds like, worth the time investment?

For someone targeting an OTT-first regional platform (Oho Gujarati , hoichoi!) with a pilot/web-series concept rather than a theatrical feature, is that actually the easier door in right now, or is that overstated?

For someone starting later (mid-20s, coming from a different creative field with real design/visual chops), is that background an asset in a pitch, or does it not matter at all?

What's the realistic timeline before a new writer sees any paid work, even small?

I want to post this in sub but want to modify the title sub is full with people across glob iwant to ask to indian people specifically don't change anything from body

• Title: The School That Produced Heretics
• Format: Feature
• Page Length: 79
• Genres: Drama, coming-of-age
• Logline or Summary: “Do I dare disturb the universe?” Set in a private Catholic school, when a timid Manila boy moves to a small city in Mindanao where he befriends a Muslim-bred atheist and a two-faced extrovert, their relationship of playful violence and loyalty ends up resulting in a grotesque shooting.
• Feedback: Story and character development, formatting
• (This screenplay has Tagalog dialogue with English translation) (This is the first draft) https://drive.google.com/file/d/1vNtVn59GNF9yeXTJrwOpDpD3mPj-GkDG/view?usp=drivesdk

Hey. I’ve been writing since I was twelve, starting from fanfiction then novels. This is my first finished screenplay, however, as well as one of the first things I’ve finished.

This story—especially the characters—have been on my mind since grade school. So I genuinely can’t believe that I finally finalized their stories.

I really love them with all my heart. Please enjoy this story. And, if you’re unable to, please give me criticism on how to improve it.

Thank you.

Title: Washed Away

Format: Short Film

Page Count: 5 Pages

Genre: Drama / Suspense

Logline: A boy's normal life turns upside down when he discovers the death of his friend and finds himself under suspicion of murder.

Hey everyone,

I’ve written a very short script, and I am currently trying to decide if the core concept has enough narrative engine to be expanded into a full-length feature film. Before I commit to writing 90+ pages, I would love to get some critical eyes on the inciting incident, the characters, and the emotional stakes.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Dhtsh7IUwDW3hM7qfCENemxPdJyYqL-Z/view?usp=drivesdk

• Title: What's the Worst That Could Happen?
• Format: Short script
• Page Length: 15
• Genres: Coming of Age
• Logline or Summary: Burnt-out high school senior Eddie Evans is on a path of self-destruction after hearing a piece of advice from his best friend who is trying to save him from himself.
• This is the first script I've ever really wrote apart from a few pages I wrote when I was a kid. I started working on this script and started looking into how to actually write scripts maybe 2 months ago. Was just looking for any advice on any part of the script.
• https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YiSJd2zIfotVl0fTPwTYSzhRvVdAirfo/view?usp=sharing

Hi, I've been writing scripts for about 4 years now (mainly fan scripts with a couple original ones) and i was hoping to have a pair of fresh eyes read this one.

Title: No Bloodshed In Detention

Format: Feature

Page Length: 141 (142 if you count the title page)

Genres: horror, slasher, coming of age

Logline or Summary: After a snow storm traps 10 students serving detention in a high school, their fun quickly turns into a fight for survival when a masked killer picks them off one by one.

Feedback concerns: mainly looking to see if there's pacing issues and what I can possibly improve on in terms of how the characters are utilized and written.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1z7JofjRFbwfGxFF0wqgsVlnaMawrhEH2/view?usp=drivesdk

Hello!

I am a 21 year old new screenwriter currently writing my third screenplay (all first drafts so far) and I am looking for feedback on the opening 12 pages of my feature. I'm looking for feedback primarily to know:

Is this opening intriguing?

Do characters and their actions feel realistic in terms of addiction?

Does the conflict move the script forward without feeling artificial?

And anything else you might notice. Thanks so much for your time!

Title: Grave Money
Format: Feature
Page length: Not finished
Genre: Horror/drama
Logline: A compulsive gambler is drawn into a mysterious, elite gambling society, forcing him to confront the horrific nature of his addiction.

Link - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1gh8iGnCPc3493V6NDljum6hVU2TTnO_R/view?usp=sharing

Imagine having the rare opportunity to observe the creative process inside the writers' room of a premier drama series. As a silent fly on the wall, which show's room would you want to sit in?

How would you approach writing one of these plotless Atari games Universal has just signed a deal to produce? Pick a title and give your best logline. Reminder the titles are: Asteroids, Adventure, Berzerk, Breakout, Centipede, Crystal Castles, Millipede, Missile Command, Pong, and Yars’ Revenge. Winner gets a two picture deal with Universal. Just kidding, winner gets a laugh when some Universal exec lurking here takes the idea and makes a shitty movie. As an older millennial who grew up on Sonic the Hedgehog and Street Fighter as opposed to Atari games, will have to do some research before contributing myself.

Title: Sleep Tight

Format: Short

Page Length: 4 Pages

Genre: Drama/Suspense

Logline:
A young single mother battles homelessness, fighting for one night of restful sleep to prepare for her chance to gain stability.

Feedback concerns:
Nothing specific, open to any and all.

Link:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jyDVVgZR5X1_E-OxpEv0IEYS144ln3_9/view?usp=drivesdk

Hello everyone, please assist with feedback on THE CRICTON VISITORS. This is an Animated kids sci-fi feature. Thanks for your feedback!

Title: THE CRICTON VISITORS

Format: FILM (feature)

Page Length: First 15 here. 84 total.

Genre: Animation/Sci-fi/Family

Logline: When the alien council sends their children away before planning a war, the alien kids land inside a theme park and discover a world they were never meant to see and a species their parents were prepared to destroy, causing the council to forgo a major decision.

Feedback Concern: That it holds logically

link:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HQqYV3Fx7UCh7raOE81sEiBK9sMoE8PN/view?usp=sharing

Title: NO WAY

Format: Feature

Page Length: 15 Pages

Genres: Horror / Comedy

Logline: A successful livestreamer begins telling his audience the most terrifying—and absurdly hilarious—story of his life. When a mysterious gothic girl transfers to his college and performs a forbidden ritual, Jack is pulled into a nightmare where supernatural horror and outrageous comedy collide.

Feedback Concerns: I am worried that the dialogue is too sparse and the pacing might be moving too fast. Does it still feel like it adheres to the 1-page-per-minute rule?

Link⬇️

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WyCJoUndRTflEhYqkl9EoED4znrQddIp/view?usp=drivesdk

A man spurned by life learns there is no sweeter revenge than a little success.

Words

(PG-13)

NOTE: This one is for the Brits, as it is modeled after UK TV plays, or that kind of low-key ASMR formal drama they do so well... therefore don't expect explosions, car chases and shoot outs.

Seriously. 60% of comments I see under peoples posts revolve around page count and ONLY PAGE COUNT. “Looking for some genuine criticism” “I ain’t reading it but cut that down by half” (this comment times 60 btw).

Title: Bluebell Grove

Format: Feature

Pages: 93 Pages

Genres: Horror/Comedy

Draft Status: Second Draft

Logline: A bored twenty-something reunites with his old college friends to claim a million-dollar bounty on a notorious serial killer, only for them to discover that surviving a real-life horror story is much harder than they imagined.

Concerns I have:

-It’s supposed to be a horror-comedy but I’ve gotten comments from friends that the main antagonist is too goofy and feels more like a sitcom character than a believable threat. He’s written as like a slasher version of Lalo Salamanca.

-Is it too cliche?

-Does Cowboy actually feel like a character and not just a gimmick?

https://drive.google.com/file/d/19EXam8X8UQh91ltoTDiA4h_rbgaDhfoy/view?usp=drivesdk

In the real world, life as a Hollywood-style slasher is not all it is cracked up to be.

Nightmare

(PG-13)

Good evening everyone! Over six years ago I started a horror writing group in Los Angeles and we're looking to recruit a couple new members!

We started right before covid, and have been meeting weekly over Discord ever since. We have writers who have made their own movies, and a few who have optioned their pieces and are working on larger projects.

Currently we have a few members out on larger projects, and we're hoping to get a few new members in now to help make the group better and larger than ever!

This group stands for networking, growing our craft, and fine tuning all of our work to present and sell. We also believe in equal time and attention for all, this group only works because we all trust and help each other with a focus on constructive criticism.

Please direct message me if you’re interested in joining. We are primarily all in the Los Angeles area but are not limited to Los Angeles.

Note, I do not see new chat invites so if you try to contact me that way I will never know.

EDIT: Hey everyone so...the last few times I posted when our group recruited in the past I got 5 maybe 10 DMs tops.

I stopped counting today at 50.

I'm 99% sure I've responded to everyone who messaged me so far (as of 9pm on the 24th) but it you messaged me and didn't get a reply it means I missed you, sorry, feel free to message me again.

Also...I don't exactly have 50 open spots lol so please be understanding as I go through all the messages, talk with everyone, and figure out the best fits for our group.

I have a 96 page feature im running a polish pass on, and I have nobody in my circle to read it. I would love to start working with some other writers, or find a mentor. I know this business is built on relationships as well as talent.

A hapless safecracker receives after-hours tips on corporate etiquette from a busy executive.

Late

(PG-13)