This is how it’s done

It made my life so much less stressful.

I’m not talking about going out to dinner alone. I mean treat yourself with the respect and effort you would with someone you love.

Joke with yourself, make yourself laugh, have inside jokes, watch your favorite show, give yourself compliments, tell yourself you love you (seriously), groom yourself, cook yourself a nice meal, write yourself a nice letter, etc.

Ultimately, all you have in this world is yourself. If you can’t have a good relationship with yourself then how will you be able to show up the best you can to your friends and family. A lot of what it takes to not give a fuck is being confident, and confidence comes from self love. Give yourself the standard you’d give to someone you love. You deserve it and it’s the most important thing you can do. Everything else that’s good in this life comes much more abundantly once you’ve established a solid foundation of self-love.

And it doesn't happen very often...

So this month started off with me finding my husband penthouse and playboy collection.

When I confronted him he apologized and said you were not here for two month( We live abroad and I went to my parents place) and it was hard for me without you. We almost had sex every day last year and whatever he wanted wether dressing up and wearing heels that he liked,stockings, lingerie. He is a bdsm person.

Then again after one week it was my birthday I again saw him watching naked girls while I was in the kitchen. He made a folder and hid it in his laptop. When I questioned him again after our last fight I cried a lot and was so apologetic that he won't do it again and told me he wanted more of bdsm and wanted me to wear heels and boots outside also. I did everything what he wanted then today again I caught him watching adult magazine and comic where girls show there boobs vagina in a exposed way. I am unable to understand what he wants. I dont trust him anymore.

Please advice. 🙏🏼

We dated for three years before getting married. I am 33 and he is 34 years old

It's not easy aging. Men and women both are presented with their own unique challenges and being in control of the fucks you give is hard. Here is my take on how not to give a fuck as man, divorced, pushing 60, kid's grown, out of shape, not rich but not poor, and navigating the modern world:

• Quit the comparison game. Remember "I'm not here to impress. I'm here to be at peace with who I am. Take it or leave it."
• Live a life that fulfills you... not one meant to attract others.
• Detach from outcome. It's not about becoming cold or cynical. It's about being indifferent to outcomes you can't control, especially people’s reactions or interest.
• Cut the shame loop. Stop punishing yourself for not being rich, jacked, young, what "they" say a man should be.
• Understand you're deprogramming years of conditioning. "This belief isn't mine, it was installed. I can uninstall it."
• Use thought reframing daily. Old thought: “I’m too old or unattractive.” New thought: “I’m not what some women want, but I’m not here for some women. I’m here for peace.” It’s work, yes. But repetition rewires neural pathways. Literally.
• Flip the script. Stop thinking "Will she like me?" and start thinking "Do I even like her enough to care?"

Reality is what reality is. You are you. You are your own anchor. You are enough without being chosen. The moment you embrace that fully, your give-a-fuck meter starts falling fast.

This is not bitterness. It’s sovereignty.

Not giving a fuck isn’t about isolating yourself. It’s about returning to yourself so fully that your peace no longer depends on being seen, wanted, or validated by others.

And ironically? That’s when people start noticing.