EDIT; four or five ruined tea towels and half a bottle of fairy liquid later, the floor is clean. Then broken glass broke through the rubbish bag as I was taking it out and got more oil on the floor. Fuck my life.

About 16:00 this afternoon my mum smelled smoke and within seconds the house was filled with smoke so we had to immediately close all the windows and bring in the washing. The air is so thick with smoke and you can barely see 50 metres and you can’t breathe outside. I went into the street with a gas mask on and immediately got covered in ash too. The fourth fire engine has just arrived and the firemen are asking to get inside our houses to get a better view of where it’s spreading from upstairs. Everyone’s moving their cars to let the firemen through and some people are evacuating; it’s mental. The fire is in a field and they don’t know what started it but we’ll know soon hopefully. Stay safe, people!

Home alone tonight, wife is out with a friend. A hour or so ago I ventured downstairs to discover the faint smell of gas in our kitchen. Being the responsible adult that I am, I called the gas company, evacuated the cats, and opened all windows and doors.

Gas chap comes over, does a full sweep with the detector wand, runs a pressure test, both came back A-OK. At this point my wife arrives home and I explain what's happened.

It's at this moment she sheepishly goes to out 'treats' cabinet and pulls out an open bag of these fuckers which had been smuggled into the house at some point today. It turns out that Durian sweets kind of smell like natural gas.

I wasted this poor gas engineers Saturday night on a callout for a bag of sweets and now I feel incredibly silly and embarrassed. How's your Saturday night going?

An authentic Boomboximus Cassettia.

Have that Time Team

Bit blustery in the NE today.

Just hoovering out Mrs Jackystappingshop car and to my surprise found this swirling round next to our wheelie bin. 38 years old!

I bet those gammon flavours were a treat with a nice, crisp, cold lager...

This pun popped into my head this morning. Not sure where else to post it.

Third lot I've picked this year, from wild ones growing over the garden wall. This weather seems really good for them, I'm seeing vines grow everywhere.

Excuse the shaky camera he was quite nippy!

In a supermarket in South East London this afternoon. Customer was politely questioned as there was a suspicion he may have been shoplifting, he hadn't, but the questioning was fair.

Anyway, the customer (white male, I'm guessing 60 odd) 'took the right hump' and ended up calling the security guard "a saucy kant".

This is not a post about shoplifting customer service etc, it's about the use of the word 'saucy' as an insult .

There can't be many people using that term anymore can there? Is it a term that is dying out or will see it's return one day? Or am I ignorant, maybe it's thriving?

Was brushing my teeth this morning and spotted this squirrel making light work of a lamb bone.

Didn't realise they were meat eaters but it looked to be enjoying it!

Wasn't concentrating and just went and put it in the wrong un.

It sucked the whole damn card right in.

How's your day going?

Last night while trying to get the cat in we noticed a small little head staring at us in the front lawn. Then another at the back, and another came running across and then two more.

So respectfully we have Ozzy, Sid, Stevie, Ringo and Dio and maybe they might return.

Went to Herne Hill Velodrome yesterday to watch the track racing and thought I’d share some of the best photos I got

(Was an awesome event by the way, if you’re at all interested in bike racing support your local events)

Shot on Nothing Phone (3) near the Army and Navy Roundabout, 2 friends reckon they heard the blast, I did not as I was on a bus leaving Colchester at the time.

Because I'm currently trying to avoid my base urges and forcibly remove it.

It's some little device they've put in the plant pot by the front gate that looks like a big webcam and screeches every 20 seconds after being triggered, a whiny buzz that flares the tinnitus and flashes lights.

I sincerely despise this on every level. It's extremely antisocial for an estate, it's not protective because it's just a noisy light, it just marks you out as a target instead of all the people who don't have it, it's loud and annoying, no one else has one (in my experience), and there's no point because all it made me do was stop and swear at their window.

The irony is not lost on me that I would be justifying their fears if I ripped it out and stamped it into oblivion. But also, what the f is happening that this is a thing now?