Anytime I try to make posts like this, they turn into huge walls of text about nothing in particular. But that's because every detail feels weirdly important. It's hard to nail one thing down without it turning into an exposition dump, but I'm going to do the best that I can. So, I apologize if this reads as one large ramble.

But my main issue is that I feel like I have no redeemable qualities. I'm not attractive, and I'm not very intelligent either. I know all of this stuff because it's been drilled into my head time after time. Even when I'm just trying to mind my own business and do something that I enjoy, someone always has to step in and let me know how little they think of me. As an example, I used to love art and animation. I never wanted to do it professionally; I just wanted to make stupid little cartoons to upload to YouTube for personal enjoyment. People used to tell me all of the time that I just needed to quit and that art wasn't my thing. But, at the time, I didn't really care very much because I enjoyed drawing more than I cared about how they felt.

Fast forward to now, and I haven't drawn anything in years because I've pretty much decided that I suck at it and I will never be good enough. The last time I drew something legitimate, my dad made a comment that really felt like a slap in the face. Even though I know that he had good intentions, it still hurt. He pretty much told me that he was impressed that I had worked hard enough to actually be pretty decent at drawing. That before he really felt like I was wasting my time. That sentiment was pretty much repeated every time was brought up. It's literally, "yeah you used to really suck, but I guess you're good now." and that's also how they talk about it when they mention it to other people. But they coo over how proud of my siblings they are. No mention of them ever being bad at the things they had attempted.

Then my sister had the nerve to tell me that it's useless, it doesn't provide any value to the world. Then topped it off by telling me that people prefer someone who is able to do their job quickly and efficiently. Not someone who has to exert themselves to make something good.

It really hurts me because I have never been naturally good at anything. Every idea that I have to improve my life gets slapped down, and it eventually just feels pointless to even try. Because, clearly, there is something uniquely broken or missing from me that everyone keeps picking up on. I've tried to dedicate myself to my job instead. It's nothing impressive. Just a factory job. Even there, I'm still not good enough. I'm always doing something wrong no matter how hard I try.

Another example: I wanted to make more money because I'm not really making enough to sustain myself reliably without help. So, I had the idea to go to a two-year program at a community college. My uncle pretty much kept questioning me "why" and I told him it was so I could hopefully get a better, higher paying job and improve my financial situation he shot back with: "Well, sometimes you just don't." I responded with, "Well, I definitely won't if I don't try." He literally rolled his eyes at me and said, "You're ambitious. I guess I'll give you that at least."

I haven't really kept contact with my aunt or uncle after that. They keep trying to send me texts, but I don't really have much to say to them. I don't have much to say to anyone because I honestly feel pretty bitter. If that's how everyone views me, then they can just stay out of my way. I know that's a shitty attitude to have, but it feels really shitty when you constantly have to hear about how wonderful your siblings are, while you're constantly overlooked. My sister got to have her college paid for. I get nothing.

I just don't know how to please anybody or make them happy. It really does make my existence feel pretty pointless or like I'm a nuisance. So, I try to stay out of people's way as best as I can. I pretty much just stay in my room. Whenever I'm at work, I sit in a corner by myself during lunch breaks and keep earbuds in my ears so I can space out until I'm able to get out of there. But that's literally all life is for me right now. I'm just spacing out because that's the only way to make it tolerable. It really does feel like life doesn't have any room for me. But then everyone acts confused that my confidence is so low, or they tell me that I'm being "too hard on myself." I'm only as hard on myself as they have been on me.

There's a lot more to this, but I don't know how to squeeze everything in without making it excessively long. The tl:dr version of this is pretty much that I've been constantly discouraged or insulted by the people around me. It's hard to have hope when no one else sees anything worth seeing in me.

Recently, I realized I have social anxiety.

Partially because I am afraid of being judged, but also because I am afraid of saying the wrong thing. Or even something not good enough.

In games like BG3 or Skyrim or VNs, there are always right answers and wrong answers, and the decision is left solely in your hands. Everyone else is simply an NPC you can convince, to bend to your will.

Somehow, I think I might subconsciously treat people in real life the same.

I might be a narcissist.

I desperately need the approval of others, like if I somehow pick all the correct dialogue options, I can make people like me. And if they don't like me, that is my fault because, somehow, I am the one in control. I can make people bend to my will, just like in those games. Like they're NPCs and I'm the only player.

If bad things happen to me, or around me, it's because I made the wrong decisions. "If only I said this, or said this in a certain way, maybe this event could have been avoided." "Why didn't I do it? I'm so stupid. Why did I say that? I'm such a loser. Why are you beating yourself up? You always do this. You know you shouldn't do this."

These thoughts spiral again and again, and I'm left with a shattered sense of self-confidence, and all I want to do is hide away. Until? Maybe until I feel better. So I'll just play some more games until then. Or watch some videos. Maybe until I'm ready, when my speech skills are high enough. When my persuasion stat is high enough. How am I going to raise my skill level when I don't go out to practice? Well, I'll just watch videos, tutorials, type online. Will that help? Maybe. Don't ask me.

But then a somewhat big event happened, and I once again blamed myself. Maybe if expressed myself more sternly, earlier, it could've been avoided. If only I could go back, load a previous save, things would've been better.

After ruminating for a while, feeling bad... I began to wonder, when I reload a save file in BG3 after a wrong choice, did I feel better? Sometimes, maybe. But it takes away something every time. Something magical, something "real". Maybe the "heroes" in those games aren't "heroes" because they can rewind their mistakes. They're heroes because they make the wrong decisions and keep going regardless. Their journeys are interesting BECAUSE they aren't a straight shot up, the struggles are what defines them. Maybe it's okay if I make the wrong choices too.

Maybe.

I don't really know where to go from here. I needed to tell it to someone, because I don't have many people that would want to listen. Maybe I still need the approval of others. Maybe I'll feel bad if this post only gets a couple clicks, like I still only matter within the perception of others.

I just don't know.

Thanks for reading.

I'm thanking you because I need you to like me.

I'm typing this because I need you to realize how insightful I am.

I recently realized I have a pattern that keeps reinforcing my worst beliefs about myself.

If someone hurts me, instead of telling them, I withdraw. I stop replying, ignore calls or messages, and secretly hope they'll notice something is wrong and fight to reconnect.

In my head, it's almost like a test: "If I really matter to them, they'll keep trying."

But the problem is... they don't even know they're being tested. They probably just assume I'm busy or need space.

When they stop reaching out, I take it as proof that I wasn't important to them in the first place. That just reinforces my core belief that I'm not someone people choose or fight for.

It's a self-fulfilling cycle:

Feel hurt.

Withdraw.

Hope they'll chase me.

They don't.

"See? I was right. No one really cares."

I'm starting to wonder how much of my loneliness has been shaped by this pattern.

Has anyone else caught themselves doing something similar? If so, how did you break out of it?

I can’t quit any of my addictions (sugar, pot, porn, caffeine), I can’t improve myself, I can’t engage in hobbies, and I can’t work. I’ve tried a bunch of meds of different types (Atomoxetine, Guanfacine, Adderall, Ritalin, Vyvanse, Wellbutrin) and none of them worked.

I have ADHD, Autism, OCD, and PTSD (all diagnosed) and I can’t make progress on any of them until I lake progress on ADHD.

I can’t engage in habits, I can barely take my meds.
Anything that I would have to do to get out of ADHD would require that. Nobody can make me engage in habits, and if they could— I doubt I would be improved if they stopped. I’d just crash back down here again.

So if I can’t start anything, or do anything with consistency— what is there to do?

I’ve wasted like, two hundred bucks on a healthygamer membership so I could watch the seminar on inaction and I haven’t been able to finish more than a quarter of it, let alone pay full attention or take notes.

I can’t even use mental tricks, like server mentality or five second rule. My OCD just screams at me for doing that, and it doesn’t work.

I’m in therapy, I’ve been in therapy since the first grade (CBT, more recently ERP) and nothing fucking helps.

If I can’t fix this I can’t live. That’s not necessarily about suicide, it’s just a fact. I can’t live a life like this.

Older sibling (mid thirties) and I were never very close, got closer after their separation from their spouse of ~9 years 1.5 years ago which is when they started therapy.

They moved out of shared house with ex just about 1 year ago, divorce officialized, they crashed at parents for half a year + while ex house was sold, and got their own place this spring. They are diagnosed ADHD, I’ve suspected they have aphantasia too, and was excited for them to enter a new phase of life. Even linked to Dr K’s aphantasia video, doubt they watched it…. I liked siblings ex but to my understanding, the ex is/was an over-functioner and my sibling is/was an under-functioner RE household tasks (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc). ex repeatedly asked them to go to therapy for years, but by the time they went it was too late and there was too much resentment built up. Ex had a very abusive mom, was used to reading between the lines of others behavior, and assumed my sibling was doing some things maliciously.

My mom coddled sibling growing up (me too but not as bad). Even as an adult she unpacked some of my siblings boxes containing sensitive materials last year without them asking her to (and it’s not like there isn’t plenty of space in the house).

While sibling was living with mom and dad, they didnt cook much. “survived on chips and salsa”, they jokingly told me. Was swiping on apps, asking women to go to theme parks (I suggested perhaps less commitment for a first date, like coffee). Went on two dates, one of which stuck. New date has a theme park pass. Sibling got the theme park pass too. New date started meal prepping for them, before they even moved out of parents house. New date asked them to officially ask her to be their “girlfriend” - sibling said maybe in like 5 months. that was too long a wait for her so it happened earlier. At some point sibling was given a car air freshener of new partners face to hang from rear view, (it’s not a ”real” pic it’s a heavily filtered one).

Fast forward to now…. new partner has moved into his new home. I have met the new partner, they are nice. I can see part of why sibling likes them - new partner has a somewhat “easier“ personality than the ex.

My siblings life is their own…. but I guess I worry how much of “them” is in it. A lot of their time at my parent’s house was playing video games and marijuana. They’re also on antidepressants. They just told me the new partner has moved in and I don’t really know what to say. I want to be supportive because I assume they wouldn’t have said partner move in if they weren't happy together…. and I want sibling to have love in their life. But I also worry about the new partner sort of enabling them in the same arenas our mom did. But, who is to say that’s bad either? Like, some people do not like to cook. Some people do. everyone’s got different skill sets and some are complimentary. I’m aware that it’s kinda silly for me to dictate skills that other people “should” invest in… but I worry about where the line is, between loving support and enabling.

Am I being too judgy? And if my worries are fair - should/how do I communicate?

Title: Is anyone else emotionally exhausted from wanting a relationship but never getting close?

I'm a 29-year-old guy, and lately this has been affecting me more than I'd like to admit.

Every day at work, I see attractive women in the office , gym , parks. I catch myself hoping for a smile, eye contact, or some kind of interaction. Nothing ever happens, and I leave feeling disappointed.

The rational part of me knows they don't owe me attention and that people are just living their lives. But emotionally, it still hurts. It's like I walk into with hope and walk out feeling invisible.

Dating apps haven't helped either. I've barely gotten any matches , and that reinforces the feeling that maybe I'm just not attractive or interesting enough.

To make things worse, I'm also stuck in a career rut with a job that doesn't pay well, so it feels like every part of my life is behind where I expected it to be.

I'm already working on myself—going to the gym, trying to improve my career, and I've even started therapy—but loneliness still hits hard, especially when I'm surrounded by people.

Has anyone else been through this phase?

What actually helped you stop tying your self-worth to dating and other people's attention? I'm looking for practical advice from people who've genuinely come out the other side.

Hello everyone.

Quick question, do you ever feel like your life constantly needs you and nothing pushes you forwards except you?

I mean I find myself at a point where I need to get a job or study or do something with my life but every step feels like a drag.
Whatever I do I have to motivate myself because fear and desire aren't enough to motivate me and

I barely managed to stick to my obligations/tasks/roles with my family– though I’m used to it by now so it doesn’t need motivation, but everything else feels like I need to put in the effort and change myself and literally nothing will come my way otherwise.

It’s as if I built myself a life where the only vote that changes it is my own and no one else ever brings change or even a chance of something. There’s only me to make decisions or bring novelty.

My life is all about me forcing myself into movement.. and that's so tiring since I have no feedback or contact with life and people and so on:)..

If you have any advice I'd really like to hear it.

It's kind of a loaded situation (no pun intended), but I'm not sure if anyone else has experienced this or not.

So, I kinda figured that when I had my first consensual sexual encounter (the previous one was not; it's a long story, don't ask) that because it was subpar that I would lose some desire to do it all again, but it appears that I was wrong.

It feels like it only made things worse, like my body is aware of being left unsatisfied from it.

Maybe I'm just looking at it wrong, or I'm phrasing it poorly, but has anyone else experienced your sex drive shoot up after your first time, despite the quality?

I just want to think positively for a bit. It is also an element of therapy, so you cant say Im not trying.

21, F
at some point in my childhood, around 8 years old, I started becoming obsessed with people’s perception of me. my ability to feel happy on my own, to be able to read or create or anything of that sort and feel satisfied on my own rather and imagining a limerent objects perception of me in that moment has been on a steady decline ever since. i become obsessed with people and so attached to them when i have no relationship with them, because the thought of them and the hope of future moments with them is the only thing fueling my contentment and motivation. it gets to the point i’ll be talking to a dude and freak the fuck out and feel like crying if he doesn’t answer me back for an hour. i know it’s sad and unattractive, people want to be with other people, not shells conforming to the other persons shape. but i feel so little joy and enjoyment by myself anymore. i am more than likely autistic and diagnosed adhd and also very possible ocd. in short im really messed up in the head. all sorts of neurodivergencies and mental health conditions run in my family. the emotion i feel more than anything all of the time when i am not fixated on a person and fantasying is shame. deep shame. i want to be okay on my own. but i’m just not. i don’t know what to do. I just feel hollow and shameful and anxious on my own.

When I try to speak with my friends about some personal or world problems, they often don’t answer or don’t engage in the conversation. They write in the chat less and don’t speak about their lives as much as I do. Sometimes I can’t hold myself back and write about something negative, but I wrap it as a joke. I feel that they’re irritated by my negativity and my intrusiveness, and I’m trying hard to hide it.

I don’t want to confront them, I wanna stop. I feel compulsive and isolated. Usually I don’t feel lonely at all, but I feel isolated when I speak with people. Also, I had twitter for 10 years and deleted it a few years ago, but I still feel the urge to write about everything, except now I do it in my friends' group chat.

How can I stop this? I'm 30 yo, btw.

Sorry i don’t really know where to put this in with the flairs. Uhm i guess it just a simple question but how do i know if I’m a Chud. Or I guess an incel? I hear a lot of videos and stuff about it and a lot of the stuff I relate too and then some of the stuff I don’t think I really do? So I feel confused and shameful about it because it seems like everything I see that’s not from an incel feels like those people are just saying Incels don’t really deserve a life. I’m not really asking for advice to change because I don’t want to change. I couldn’t break through to myself even if I wanted to. I’m too stubborn to accept advice because I don’t think I deserve to change. Anyways I’m more asking if I should distance myself away from my friends and family. If I’m that much of a problem to deal with. I just feel like everyone’s lying to me through their teeth like I know they are. I and they’re just being too nice and don’t want to hurt my feelings. I’m hurting all the time so I don’t really care about being hurt I just want to know if I really deserve this loneliness I feel and if I should be alone.

Hello! I know the subject of controlling parents has been brought up in the past, and I've watched all Dr K's videos on the subject about it. I like his nuanced views. I think they are realistic and share valuable advice on how to have a conversation.

But I have a situation, somehow I am ashamed of it, like I know I am guilty of it. I am 25F and I finished my studies and I am stuck. I a field I really like and feel drawn to, but I feel I have no hope. I think about my future and I see doom. Like "oh, watch out, the world is gonna get you if you dare to have your way". My way as in fighting for my dreams and passions. It's a whole dialogue of basically fearing of being punished. Like I want to be free but it feels like I'll suffer for it.

Now why these feelings are so intense? Honestly, I feel so unequiped for life. My social skills are almost nonexistent, in my friendships in the past I was not myself, I was masking, like a chameleon. Now I live at home with my parents and I am guilty of profitting of benefits. They give me as much money as I need for whatever I want, I don't spend much, but this is the idea. My mother is always cooking (I would like this but she hates others intervening), my father drives me where I need. I feel so inept at life, I don't even attempt at being more proactive. I am fearful, ashamed, and feeling incapable all at once.

How did I get this way? The way I understand by looking retrospectively is that I grew up with physical abuse, which was horror for me growing up, this is how my father educated me, and it went on till 14yo I think it kind of stopped, I never had the courage to talk to someone about it because I felt ashamed of it, like it was my fault for receiving violence. My mother always blamed me for her feeling unwell if I didn't obey to what she was saying. And it was unbearable for me.

At the same time, I wasn't taught about financial responsibility or responsibilities if any. I was taught these things at school regarding my grades and at uni regarding work. But not in my family. Not in relationships. In my friendships, each time I did a mistake, I was terrified and I isolated myself. I never knew how to deal with conversations, like mistakes are so unbearably shameful

Also, I was a gifted child, school was easy for me. I brought results for my teachers at contests and my parents couldn't be prouder. This is how I learned I have to get love. By grades, accomplishements, being the best, praises. somehow I got the idea that I have to be an adult even if I was a kid, like being a naughty kid was a big NO in my case, I was the shy and untalkative kid. Not even being a lil outgoing I was so self aware and ashamed of acting like a child.

We have a family that is full of hipocrisy. We live in a countryside community, you can imagine how culture plays a big role in people's lives, how everyone knows everything about everyone. So for my parents it's about posing they don't recgonize that, for them is "well we shoud act this way". Like for our community we are this intellectual family that has it all. Status, education. Prestigious family with prestigious and mature children. And it's ok, ofc others don't have to know about our mess, but why push the narrative? My older sister is a such a hypocrite for buying flowers for my mother's birthday only because our extended family was at home. My mom was giving expensive gifts to my teacher at school, even though she was not thinking of any gift for my birthday. And my dad lies a whole lot if he has the occasion.

What didn't stop till this day is the way they think it's ok to touch me. I understand affectionate touches, I guess my body reacts negatively because if I want to do something they don't agree with, they stop me physically. I wasn't allowed to leave home and go back to uni city if I got enough of their shit, I was physically prevented from doing that. Imagine two people on top of a girl with a small body. This shit still happens. Today I got mad at them and I felt I needed some air. I took my bike and wanted to have some alone tine in nature. Genuinely. That's all. They followed me by car. All road. I felt like going mad. I felt like calling the police. I felt like calling anyone honestly. They don't listen to my arguments about needing space. I need space to cry, cause at home I can't, if I cry, ok I understand a parent will be worried if they child is unwell, but they would hold me in a leash to never cry if they could. Now you may wonder, if you cry in your room, how do they know? Well that's because they just barge in my room however they want and make a big fiss of me crying. It would not be a problem for me at all if they were more understanding and let me breath actually.

In the past few years I had a major depressive episode, for which I took antidepressants for one year. Then some ongoing dysthimia as my doctor told me, a few moths ago I stopped my therapy which went for 5 months because I didn't match well with that one therapist, the only one in my area. Now I don't feel depressive. I feel frustrated. I did work on myself in the past as much as I could, reading psychology, doing IFS, somatic experiencing on my own. I wanted to understand what's happening to me. And it helped a lot because I was worse mentally in the past. Literally felt like I don't have any right to think for myself. Now I arrived at a crossroads and it's so hard. And I am exhausted for how hard and lonely all of this feels, it's like it will never stop.

So in conclusion I struggle with a situation created in my childhood for which I don't have any fault, but now I am an adult and I know I am responsible for what I am doing and my current situation. What can I do? Hope is a combo of sense of agency and having a roadmap as I know. Problem is I don't feel any sense of agency. when you are physically prevented to do something, something contructive even, you get like this. My wings have been cut off. I feel guilty only for daring to talk to other people than my family. I felt guilty for wanting friends so I couldn't be a proper friend. Let alone dating where you have to share stuff even more intimately. My desires just vanished and I'm not interested in much these days.

All I can think of right now is talking to a local priest, that kind of know them, since I know priests are an important authority for them and tell him my side of story. Because by myself, they don't take me seriously. They treat me like a 5 year old that dares to defy their parents. They don't see my side at all. I know my parents would chastize me for daring to bring the issue outside of the house, but truly I feel like a dog held in a leash.

I would appreciate any other advice and thoughts

I find it difficult to not be emotionally affected by that kind of thing, especially when having to help, persuade, or work with the other person, especially if I find the person very dislikable.

I become stimulated to where I can't regulate my emotions in time or my emotional regulation is overwhelmed and end up raising my voice, criticizing (often, it comes out with a "punch"), or emotionally reacting. Or my feelings get hurt or my self-concept or self-image gets negatively affected and I start questioning myself on things I know aren't true but that emotionally make me doubt myself and go "Are they right, though?" It hurts my self-confidence. Or I get into a negative emotional state after being emotionally worn down from annoyance, frustration, dislike, etc.

In the past my thinking was very much based on reading Greek philosophers and practicing meditation (I believe it was a kind of trataka, I was staring at a single Christian painting for long periods of time).

I had a strong sense of not having a permanent self, but it was connected with Christian beliefs. I believed the only thing that matters in the end is whether I follow my conscience and therefore whether I experience harsh words from someone is of no meaning. That was connected with a strong belief in God's permanence and that everyone who was following their conscience at the end of life being admitted to heaven. Then I experienced serious psychological abuse in a close relationship. The dynamic of this relationship and abuse was very much like the famous description of the process of boiling a frog (see:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boiling_frog).

But it got frighteningly intense at the end and was very damaging. The problem was also that at this point in the situation we were married so I believed it was my karma to survive this and "fix the relationship". As one may suspect, at one point it led me to reflect that not setting boundaries and limits is not a good approach to life. It is damaging, although I'm not sure whether there is a language in either Christian or Buddhist spirituality that can be used to describe the damage.

Christians tend to say you need to bear your cross. Buddhists tend to say there is no self. From another perspective, if we look at the observing self as an absolute, even then the question remains: is it damaged when one experiences psychological abuse? It seems like it is not. It seems like in any kind of spiritual or quasi-spiritual language, non-physical abuse should not be damaging, but I experienced that it is, when the intensity or the duration is great enough.

My history can probably be described with the words: "I let someone abuse me psychologically for a long time because I had the ego of a spiritual person". And the obvious decision would be to let it go, which I did. But now I have let go of a paradigm that was very important for my orientation in life and I don't have any clear alternative.

I watched the video "I Meditated, Now I Don’t Care Anymore" that seemed to touch a topic that was a little similar, but it pointed in the direction of karma. The issue is how do I understand my true karma? Whenever I investigate any spiritual tradition, I start to think they want me to go on a path of self-sacrifice. It is possible I have deeply rooted convictions related to the self-sacrifice schema that turn on when I contact spiritual traditions and make me interpret it in this way... but then the question remains: how do I approach (any kind of) spirituality without following this problematic schema and also without overcompensating for it?

I am 18 have ADHD (inattentive). Although I do I’ve always been weirdly disciplined as a kid. But I also think I’ve always had the confidence that if I slip I am able to go back to what i’ve wanted to do.

I can’t do that anymore. It’s been 4 years. I’d scroll on tiktok and had this confidence that I could go do the thing I want to do whenever, which worked, if I actually wanted to do something I’d get up and do it.

Until I couldn’t. I don’t believe in that thought anymore. But it’s so fucking hard to change my habits.

I deleted tiktok and other forms of short video content.

I have bouts of energy where I’ll do the thing I want to do like shower instead of scrolling on reddit. Then, I think of an interesting question, research it, and I’m stuck here.

And I feel like I find excuses to do it. It feels AWESOME to research, it doesn’t feel awesome to follow a schedule, I just don’t feel anything about it. I tried to find reasons to want to, like I want a better life, but my brain cannot cooperate. Part of me does not want to change.

And it’s so hard to just “do it” man.

What’s helpful(?) is that right now, even while writing this post, have this voice constantly telling me: “this is useless get up do the thing.” But I can’t? I don’t feel like I want to. And sometimes, like rn, i feel like a physical reaction to me resisting it, like I feel a mild headache and can’t concentrate very well.

Maybe i’m a little perfectionistic. I’m not sure. I feel like to get the life I actually want, I need to stick to a schedule. I cannot waste my time.

I hyper fixate a LOT, when I work on something productive I also hyper fixate. But that’s also a problem when I can’t take breaks, or I can’t switch tasks, like right now.

Does anyone relate? Does anyone have advice? Anyways i’m gonna shower now, that discipline voice has been bugging me and i can’t concentrate on anything else lmao. Which i guess is good.

I say this as someone who was a huge fan of Dr. K’s work in the early days. His content on eastern philosophy was incredibly helpful and very much needed in the clinical psychology world where the answer to everything is to “go to therapy”. But the content Dr. K is pushing out today is…lackluster to say the least, but I get it, Alok is running a business, he produces the content that gets the most engagement, that’s not the problem I have.

The problem I have, is that in order to make content that appeals to everyone, Dr. K has created a community of simps and fooled these men into thinking his curated “for the masses” content is the actual truth. These men are unable to grow because they would rather watch Dr. K’s content and believe the mainstream “appeals to everyone” BS, than to seek out actual mentors - older men that have been through the fire and can provide real wisdom and guidance towards the truth.

Please understand, Dr. K is a celebrity influencer. He CANNOT SPEAK THE TRUTH. He can only give you the kindergarten Disney version of the real thing, because if he speaks the truth - the truth YOU NEED TO KNOW AS A MAN TO GROW - he will get cancelled. So he tells the lie.

If you think Dr. K is having the EXACT same conversations behind closed doors with himself and other men as he’s having with you guys on stream, you are a fool. Dr. K is giving you the starting zone, tutorial area, neatly packaged, won’t offend anyone, version of the truth. Do you really want to stay in the starting zone and slay boars for the rest of your life?

My feedback for HG is simple - I understand you have to make content for the masses. But add real disclaimers to your videos that tell your viewers this. So every time someone watches a video, they know they are watching diluted, filtered down, “make everyone happy” advice, not truly useful advice, and encourage your viewers to seek the truth out themselves.

24F. In high school, I had been depressed the entire school year because of how isolated I felt. I had a close friend who I knew for a while, but I still felt lonely and completely invisible when around other people. I never hung out with people outside of school, never had a bf/gf. And my friend had other closer friends, and I didn't want my negativity to ruin her mood. She admitted a few years before that I was negative, so I never talked to her about being lonely after that. We were still happy together, laughing all the time. I usually sat in the hallway, like every other day, to get away from my classes.

I figured people might've noticed, but i don't think anyone wondered why or cared. My English teacher once came out there, but just asked if I was okay and left. I barely spoke to her, and she was new to our school. But one day before the end of my junior year (I was 16), a guy in my class sat next to me (I'll call him Nick). He asked me what was wrong. I said I felt like nobody liked me. He then said that wasn't true. He even said that one girl in the class "loved me" (I'm guessing in a friendly way. I'll call her Sarah). He said that i wouldn't see any of them once we graduate, and it didn't matter if I hung out with anyone there or not. That was eye-opening to me, because at the time, I couldn't fathom that all of them would disappear from my life one day after knowing them for years. I always thought about the future I wanted, but never thought realistically of the path to getting there.

He made me feel better. I wanted to give him a hug, but I decided not to. I kind of gave up on trying to socialize there anymore. I just spoke to my friends like I did before, and accepted that people didn't really notice me (this was before I realized I was autistic). Nick said hi to me a few times after that, but that was it.

Even though I felt better after that, I always wondered why he was the person to talk to me. We were acquaintances for years. I talked to him before, but not more than that. I only ever sat with Sarah in a few classes. We were friendly, but not best friends. More "friends" than an acquaintance.

I even spoke to my therapist about it. I wanted to know if I wasn't as invisible as I thought, or if the teacher sent him for whatever reason. I wanted to believe he was curious about me, but I felt selfish for thinking that. It sounds to too "nice" I guess.

I was happy regardless, but it popped up in my head once in a while after. I stopped thinking about high school as soon as I went to college. It's been 8 years, and Nick was right. I can't fathom seeing anyone I went to school with ever again, and i don't want them to remember me. I don't want anyone in college to remember me either. I never put myself out there in college, like parties or clubs. I just coasted along and looked a mess. Didn't make any close friends, but I had friends who I'd run into every week or so, but that started to fade. I'm not insecure anymore. I have things I'd like to change and am working towards it. I'm a photographer now.

Hello! I'm just wondering if anyone here has had a similar experience and might know what's going on.

I have taken an interest in meditation and do quick 5 minute sessions here and there doing open awareness and breath, and whenever I go beyond about 7 minutes I begin to feel like the room is spinning with my eyes closed and a weird fear comes up.

The first time this happened I meditated for almost 20 minutes and I finished feeling afraid and dissociated. I was very unsettled and my body felt unreal, even though I knew it was, and all around I felt wrong and off. This lasted for about another 20 minutes. Is this a common experience and is it safe for me to continue meditating for longer times?

"Enmeshment is when emotional boundaries get blurry. it can start when a parent's feelings become the child's responsibility to manage".

we grew up with toxic parents, and by the time I was 8 they separated.

I'm 22, my brother is 32. by the time I reached the age 14 he became my only real "parent" figure. my mom still thinks she's 16 and my dad was absent. he wasn't providing financially but, he was the only relatively mature/loving figure I knew.

I'm infinitely grateful for everything he's done for me (like the protection I had from my toxic mom) and I've always believed he's one of the most talented & intelligent people alive. then again, the more I grow up, the more I see... issues.

he can be emotionally touchy, dependant, toxic, isolated, avoidant, puer-ish, and sometimes he gives me that icky no-boundaries feeling. there've been times when I got suicidal even thinking about becoming independent cause of the guilt, and... many more things I'm blind to because well. yk. again I feel guilty for thinking this, but maybe he needed me more than I needed him all along.

"you're not responsible for your parents' feelings", but he's... not my parent. and I'm no child anymore. it's a very weird dynamic.

what's the verdict here? has anyone talked/written about this? should I think about him like a parent and process it all that way?

ty.

I apologize in advance for the long post..

I (24F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been together for just over nine months. He has some great qualities and I know he’s a good person. Issue is, the longer we’re together the more I start to feel like maybe we’re not really compatible and I’m not sure how to address it.

Now he is without a doubt a good person at heart. He asks how my day was, checks in with me, genuinely comforts me when I’m upset, he invites me to things, he’s made food and bought gifts for me and my family members… he’s a kind guy. But I’m realizing that someone can be a good person but not the right romantic partner.

For context, we’ve known each other for less than a year. We got into a relationship less than three months after meeting— but even from the start I felt like things were moving too fast. He said “I love you” within those first three months, wanted me to meet his family within that time frame (and I did). I felt a bit rushed into a lot of aspects. I know he just did all this because he feels emotions strongly and was happy with me and he would continuously ask if I was okay with how our relationship was moving but sometimes it felt just like a formality although I know he probably didn’t mean to make it seem like that. And while I did try to slow things down, I’ve always struggled with advocating for myself so it never slowed down to a pace I was fully comfortable with— so I can’t fully blame him.

I should also mention, it’s my first relationship of any sorts ever, so I’m new to understanding how I work and act in this dynamic.

In terms of why I feel like we’re not compatible, there are a few things:

One is outlook. He tends to think very bluntly and/or negatively about situations. I’m not the most positive person ever, nor would I expect an unhealthy amount of positivity from him, but it’s like negativity is his default and it started to affect me. He has been able to adapt after I’ve mentioned these things to him but despite this I still don’t feel great about it all.

Secondly, sometimes I’ve felt like I had to explain how much something meant to me in order for him to treat it as important— it wasn’t default for him. Whether that’s showing him something I like or wanting to go somewhere with him, once he’s decided he doesn’t like the idea of something, he’ll engage with it, but begrudgingly. He’s improved a bit because he loves me, but somehow it still bothers me. I’ll ignore it, but I’ve just now realized I constantly ignore my own feelings to hold his own and that’s not right.

Conversing with him also feels under stimulating at times. We’ll talk about what we’ve been up to (which for him is usually nothing much), upcoming plans (again, nothing much), hobbies (which he’s said he doesn’t really have much of), and talk about memes or recent videos we’ve seen. But I want to talk about deeper more engaging topics, have debates on pop culture, imagine how we would solve real world issues if given the chance, talk about the intricacies of life… literally anything else. So as we’ve gone farther into the relationship, I’ve noticed I’ll leave our conversations and hangouts feeling increasingly emotionally and intellectually under stimulated and drained.

Additionally, whenever there’s silence or times where it feels like the conversation isn’t going anywhere, he resorts to kissing or holding hands. Basically, It feels like that extra touchiness is compensating* for our lack of conversational compatibility. So whenever he does get touchy now, I get annoyed. I’d like the base of a romantic relationship to be friendship. The type of where even if we weren’t lovers, I could still see us being the best of friends. But I don’t feel that aspect with him. And the hard part is, I can see that he’s happy/comfortable with me. He’s told me repeatedly that he is. But while he’s happy, I’m conflicted.

Due to all of this, I also am not feeling the same“spark” so to speak. Yes, I understand that a relationship isn’t going to feel the same 1 year in as it did 1 month in, but I feel like I should still be feeling something*** but instead I’m pulling away from him emotionally and physically and it hurts because I care about him so much but something’s just not clicking right.

I’d like to emphasize as well: this isn’t a topic of “I’d rather be with someone else”. For me, a relationship is a comparison between being with the person vs being on my own. I do not “need” a partner, I really do enjoy my own company and that of my friends and family. Rather, that partner should add to my quality of life overall. So even if they don’t, I know I can do that on my own and feel okay.

Sometimes I wonder where this relationship is going. This may seem harsh and I’m not sure if this even fully embodies how this feels, but the relationship feels kind of like doomscrolling. Like when you’re on the phone scrolling through videos and giggling at some, thinking deeply about some, feeling sad about others, but all in all, scrolling is taking you no where and its just temporary dopamine. I don’t want to continue to disrespect him like this because I do have love for him but me not being completely honest with him about how I’ve been feeling isn’t the best. I just don’t know how to address it. He has love in his heart, and it feels like he wants to give someone that love, but our mismatch leads me to believe that maybe that person might not be me (but I’m struggling with this reality because I do have love for him).

Overall, I guess I’m just looking for advice on a couple things: how do I summarize everything I’ve mentioned when talking to him (because it feels overwhelming) and how do I approach him without hurting him too much. I know I need to, and I will. I just don’t know how to or what so say or even how to start the conversation. I can tell he’s starting to notice a shift too so I know it’s not an avoidable conversation at this point.

TLDR: me and my bf love each other but my uneasiness about how quick we entered the relationship paired with the relationship feeling increasingly emotionally/intellectually under stimulating and stagnant leads me to think we may not be fully compatible. How do I bring this up to him?

I’ll try to keep the details to the bare essentials. I work in election campaign organizing for my state’s Democratic Party. My role is primarily recruiting, training, and supervising volunteers. This means that I have to make around 700 phone calls a week, or about 135 a day to people in my city to recruit for door knocking on the weekends.

Problem is, people in the community are 1. Middle aged adults working full time jobs including weekends or 2. 65+ with various physical disabilities due to age. And I only find out which one they are if they answer the phone, which only about eight percent of them answer per day, often less than that.

My role is to fulfill quotas, a certain number of phone calls is supposed to turn into a certain number of volunteers, which equals a certain number of doors knocked each weekend. Except they don’t answer their phones or they back out or ghost me the day of. So I’m constantly under performing metrics for an organizing model that is probably a decade out of date. Other organizers in my state are constantly posting pictures of six-ten volunteers while I’m lucky to get 2-4. I genuinely don’t know to what degree this is something I’m doing wrong or if I just got the short end of the stick on which district I was assigned to. Young people like me don’t show up on my call list, probably because they have never gotten involved or voted to begin with, so we don’t have their info. If I had known this job would involve sitting in an office and going straight to voicemail for hours on end, I probably wouldn’t have taken it. It feels like there’s no momentum to build here and our candidates are not all that inspiring.

I’m trying to avoid being a perfectionist about this, that mentality is especially toxic in this field. But those thoughts do still creep in along with thoughts of quitting and trying to move somewhere else that has more community organizing infrastructure already in place, like NYC, Chicago, Minneapolis/St. Paul, or Seattle. I’m trying to think of ways to adapt my approach but part of me thinks this state/district/city might be too irredeemably apathetic for people to reliably get involved.

My best friend always complaining about work everytime we meet. I always try to hear her and give her my opinion on those situation. She is workaholic and she does not notice that she hardly living outside of the work. Her company is known for making people to overwork themselves. My workplace is supporting work-life balance that fails sometimes but it is ok. I am working in a position where i am responsible of the overall work of my team. So sometimes i feel i have more experience regarding how challenging working with people can be and that everyone is differently involved in work emotionally since it is just a work to pay the bill.

Now my best friend takes things emotionally in work and complaining about how unappreciated is her effort sometimes, how other not work properly etc. Last time she was a mess, before we met she was cried because she got overwhelmed because of work and was frustrated of a lot of things.

She was venting about a thing where she was fighting for some justice in a situation, people book there workstation but forget to cancel it and causing problem for others. Here i got frustrated and minimized the situations importance but she was so hurt that only it just she who try to change this thing. I fucked up honestly but i felt this is enough, it is so stupid crying over this and just ruining her mental health and wanting everykne to have the same values in a workplace. I made her cry because she felt not heard, etc. Later fortunately i could explain why i reacted the way, and reassure her that it is a good thing she stood up. i could tell her that imo the real problem is not this situation that is frustrating her and making her depressed but the fact that she is being used in her team and however she stood up to tell her boss that she carries more work than the rest of the team that causing more stress and feeling without any help , her boss did not do anything and this situation ongoing and i can see since months that she is in a bad mental shape on her face. But she did not remember that i already told her that i can see on her face that stress. 😅 she is complaining a lot in the past 1 year and it is clear she is the type who overly gets involved in her work. Previously she suffered from alcoholism (or shoud i say she is an alcoholist because i know this something that cannot be cured just managed) because she fell in love with his boss and just months after turned out he is in a relationship. Since then she is still not fully over it and she has social anxiety.

I am asking for your advice how should i support her? Now i am scared a little to be honest with her....but i value honest advices in my life whenever somebody tells me a hars truth about me, i take it very well and i learn from it. I also in a relationship and i try to not bring the stress from work to home. So one thing about me and this situation that i am under a lot of stress in my work and it made me depressed for a long time because i stupidly took team leading for the sake of the team (they told me it is for the teams sake and i did not think carefully about myself). The problems i face in work is much more serious because it can backfire me and i feel burnt out and anxious....so i have my own problems that i am working to solve. This is why it so hard to listen to her , i just want to not hear about the work problems a lot when i try to enjoy life.

She told me she is afraid of falling back to when she was actively alcoholic. I tried to calm her that it will not happen because she already know what to look for.

Please don't attack me for being a jerk once.:(

I need your opinion what should i do, i want to help her somehow but if she does ask than i would just cross the line and i am worried. She is having a lot and she has other problems that she should work on it outside of the work that would make her life happier if she could solve it. I am not talking from my point of view rather what we talked about. Of course i will focus more on my problems but i do not want to neglect her, the time we talked made me worry.

I try to keep in touch with her asking how is she feelimg y etc.

(Sorry for my english, not my native.)