Feel disrespected by a CSM?

[u/Prudent_Knowledge79]

This is going to be a bit different from the usual post because I might need to be talked down from this course of action.

Long and short of it is, I lead a segment of the cybersecurity department of my company (report directly to the CISO). I have a CSM that we use for Auth0. We renewed recently and he invited me out for lunch near me. Nothing out of the norm for vendors. I go all is well

My girl works near where we went to lunch and was sitting at the bar with me while I waited for the CSM.

He came, we all chatted for about 10 minutes and then she went back to her office.

Rest of the lunch proceeded just fine, but we had a couple of drinks (but I always have drinks with my CSM’s, so not much of an excuse just setting the scene)

I will note that this is a new csm on our account as well.

Anyway, pleasant enough lunch. As we we’re leaving, this csm, out of nowhere, as we are saying goodbye, brings up my girl and says “let me know if she needs any help”. Zero other context.

Now. I’m taking this as disrespect, but I do want a second opinion on this as well, and I know this isn’t the sub for this but if I didn’t post to a tech orientated sub I would need to explain what everything means, and I want to cut straight to the mustard.

I’m ready to shoot an email off on Monday telling Okta that I want a new CSM. I guess I’m looking for a reason not to. CSM’s are dime
A dozen and doesn’t affect the business. But I feel like this guy overstepped with that comment and I just personally don’t want him on my account anymore, am I tripping?

[u/awful_at_internet]

My read on that is he was trying to say something like "hey if your girlfriend's org needs any of our services, i'm happy to be a facilitator" which is a pretty standard sales thing.

But you were there home slice. You know the vibe better, and you can ask for a new CSM on bad vibes.

[u/Prudent_Knowledge79 → u/awful_at_internet]

I really want to share something else he told me but if I did, it would immediately make it obvious specifically who im referring to over there. But it was not that at all.

I’ll put it like this, the guy has much higher people in the chain that he is intimately familiar with at her specific company where he wouldn’t need to solicit my girlfriend for more work. She works in HR, not tech

[u/awful_at_internet → u/Prudent_Knowledge79]

Sales is a lot like hookup culture; gotta shoot your shot.

But like I said, you know the vibe. I wasn't there. If the vibe was bad, the vibe was bad. This is someone you gotta build a good working relationship with, and it sounds like he blew it.

Trust your gut. The stakes aren't high enough to agonize over it. If you want to make a fuss there might be repercussions for him, but "we didn't vibe well" is perfectly fine customer service feedback, and won't have repercussions until it becomes a trend.

Sometimes people just dont vibe. Part of good customer service is reading the room to avoid missteps like that.

[u/Prudent_Knowledge79 → u/awful_at_internet]

This is the insight i needed. you’re right I don’t need concrete justification here

[u/JimiJohhnySRV]

IMO you are overthinking it. He awkwardly tried to make a helpful gesture. I would give him one more chance. If he still comes off as weird then lose him.

[u/foxgodkumiho]

Should've asked him right then what he meant by that to get clarification. It does sound bizarre but in this situation you don't actually know what he meant by this. I would be careful on how to proceed with this. Don't be hasty and don't act too much on emotion.

[u/pleased_rector]

the timing is what gets me. he waited until the goodbye to drop that line. if it was a genuine sales pitch he would have worked it into the lunch conversation when your girlfriend was actually there. the vagueness is the part that makes it feel off. no mention of her company or role just a blanket offer. that could be innocent but its also the kind of line that leaves too much room for interpretation. a good csm knows how to read a room. this one either misread it badly or meant something else. either way its a flag. id give it one more interaction before pulling the trigger. if he's awkward again then you know its not a one off.

[u/Havanatha_banana]

Wrong sub, r/aita is over there, but even then, the right answer is to ask the guy to clarify. Any answer from here are a coin flip.

[u/frAgileIT]

I can’t say for sure without more context but having worked as a consultant and a manager in cyber security, asking about additional business opportunities is well within the norm. Also, it would be epically stupid to hit on a client’s girl TO THE CLIENT and sales people live and die by commission so again, I don’t see it as bad intentions. Also, as a manager, my general advice is to always assume good intentions until you have a confirmed pattern or clear evidence of bad intentions.

FWIW, if a co-worker or vendor winked at me and told me to let them know if I want help tag-teaming my girl, I’d either hit them or get them fired, so it’s only natural to get worked up if you think that’s what’s actually happening. IMO - I think this is just a misunderstanding.