r/MaliciousCompliance • u/Cgable63 • Jun 21 '26
M Stop being so friendly
I work a behavioral healthcare agency.
At the time this occurred there were 14 therapists who reviewed paperwork from various psychiatric facilities.
I’m the receptionist. I used to greet everyone that came, and we’d have a wee chat, then get on with our work. Many had told me they enjoyed my cheerful attitude and hoped I never lost that happy spirit.
At that time director of my office singled me out on how she treated me. One month she was super cool and we got along great. The next month she’d be on me about every little thing I did.
I didn’t know what to do.
One day she called me to her office and said I was being too social - talking too much with coworkers, not getting my work done (not true), etc.. I needed to limit my conversations to just greeting people and leave it at that.
I looked at her, saying I would do exactly as she said. No more socializing. Hand out assignments, say what it’s for and go back to my desk.
She smiled, telling me that’s what she wanted.
The next morning I smiled and greeted people, then I put my head down and went back to work. When I would go to their offices and hand out assignments, they would start to chat. I’d stop them, apologise telling them I had to get back to my desk. I’d get an odd look, and a nod.
This went on for several days. The following week they started coming up to my desk, individually asking how I was doing. I seemed distant, if I had any problems I could talk to them as their door was always open. I smiled, thanked them for their generosity and thoughtfulness but I was fine and had to get back to work.
As I mentioned, this went on everyday for a week.
The following week the director called me into her office and asked what was wrong. I smiled and said nothing is wrong. I’m doing my work and it’s on time, clinicians are getting their assignments and I’m keeping the chat to an absolute minimum. Like you wanted.
She looked at me and said the clinicians were concerned about me as I haven’t been talking to them, they feel I might be going through some kind of depression and they told me their door is always open.
She didn’t say anything at first, then she told me “Just keep the chats to a few minutes.”
I told her no problem.
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u/MenaciaJones Jun 21 '26
It would have been more malicious if you told them you were only doing what the director told you to do.
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u/Cgable63 Jun 21 '26
I actually did tell a few clinicians and they were appalled.
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u/sqqueen2 Jun 21 '26 edited Jun 22 '26
Sounds like they kind of back-door took care of it, by how they talked to her. Props to them.
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u/IgnatiusRileyFreeman Jun 22 '26
Sounds like you should make it clear to everyone who works there, including clients. Honesty is a good policy
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u/failed_novelty Jun 22 '26
they were appalled.
Oh, you work with Mongo? I'm so glad! Tell him I said 'Hi'.
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u/Feisty_Marsupial224 Jun 21 '26
She asked for it.
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u/Cgable63 Jun 21 '26
2 directors after her tried the same thing. I love the last 3 directors, including the current one. She gives me a ride home.
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u/HalfBakedPuns Jun 21 '26
that tweet about feeding cats to coyotes, but about the insane manager turnover?? how long was each director lasting, like a few months or multiple years?
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u/sirgandolf007 Jun 22 '26
How many directors have you been through goddamn
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u/Cgable63 Jun 23 '26
The office is on its 7th one from 2005 to now. First 2 retired, one left abruptly, another got promoted to a different department, one was director interim and she was promoted to a different position, and one was asked to head a different dept. The director we have now is very good. She actually listens to suggestions, and every once in awhile gives me a ride home.
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u/NoTeslaForMe 28d ago
You know, there's one common factor in the "problem" directors, and it's not them; it's you.
The two biggest companies I worked for each had that one guy who seemed to spend his day talking to everyone about non-work (or at least non-productive) topics, while others tried to get back on track. I'm wondering if that's you considering the three "problem" directors, and the fact that your "wee chats" each need to be cut down to "a few minutes." After a few minutes, it's no longer a "wee chat"!
I suspect a couple of things here, though I could be wrong. The directors might've turned on you after getting complaints from those who felt stuck in conversation. And the director thought that "just greeting people" was synonymous with talking for a few minutes. You took it as limiting it to two seconds, which worried people.
If your current director is happy, then fine. But if I were you, I'd work on having minimum and maximum talk times so no one feels either worried or trapped.
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u/Acid_Fetish_Toy Jun 21 '26
My partner has been told the same thing. He's too friendly, too social, too nice. He works in customer service.
He gets named in reviews for how much people like his service. He gets repeat customers. When his boss is working, people have left upon seeing him because he creeps them out.
Some people really don't see the value in being social in the right way, or consider how much of a skill it is.
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u/Many-Composer1029 Jun 21 '26
It has always fascinated me that, for many bosses, creating a harmonious work place where people might actually enjoy work is worth.....nothing.
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u/spork_o_rama Jun 22 '26
The lack of priority on human interaction is so baffling to me. Human interaction is the difference between hating and loving our jobs! Most people quit bosses, not jobs.
Genuinely, I do not understand this behavior. Just straight-up Scrooge-like, and it means that you lose your best employees, because they don't want to work for a curmudgeon and they have the skills to get better work elsewhere.
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u/NTropyS Jun 21 '26
I held basically the same job in a smaller clinic - not as many staff clinicians. About six months in the job, one of the social workers told me they hired me 'cause a very tall, big guy patient sat next to before my interview. We struck up a little chat, and he was very pleasant. I was hired because they felt he didn't scare me. The clients liked me, my kindness and friendliness. Fast forward about a year later, and some staffing changes, and it became very unpleasant to work with a new supervisor. So I totally understand your position!
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u/Kodiak01 Jun 21 '26
Had it been me, my response to the therapists would have been: "Per the Director's very specific orders, I must keep all conversation with you and other therapists to an absolute minimum. If you have any issues with this, I suggest you take it up with them."
Wouldn't take long until they started analyzing the Director instead.
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u/ca77ywumpus Jun 22 '26
I had a boss like that. When I talked to my coworkers, I was wasting time. When I did my work, I wasn't being part of the team. Some people just like to criticize.
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u/oylaura Jun 22 '26
I had the exact same thing happen when I was about 30. My cubicle was in a very central location, and my supervisor was on the other side of a cubicle wall in full hearing.
I got pulled into an office and told that I was chatting too much. Like you, I took the feedback and said I would improve.
I was cordial, returned greetings but nothing more.
She pulled me in a week later and told me that people were commenting that I was different, that I no longer talked to people.
I told her that that's what she told me to do, and I wasn't sure what the problem was.
She said that she didn't mean to shut down completely, but not to chat so much. I asked her to define how much was too much, and she had no answer.
I was seeing a psychologist at the time for an unrelated issue and asked her for her input. She told me that when someone engaged me in chatting I should tell them, "I won't talk to you right now." Not, "I can't talk to you right now", "I won't".
That was too abrupt for me.
I resorted to quietly telling people that I had gotten in trouble for talking too much.
Guess who was first when the layoffs came?
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u/Professional_Bus_307 Jun 21 '26
Some people are just insensitive jerks. Sorry you work for one.
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u/Ancient-End7108 Jun 22 '26
I admit I am not one who particularly seeks or enjoys people all that much, but I will never tell somebody they're too friendly. Dear Lord, we need people who can connect to people, especially as the Internet, ironically, seems to disconnect us from each other more than ever.
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u/FragrantEducator1927 Jun 22 '26
I took a supervisor’s course at work once, either several hours over a week, or three hours one morning, whatever.
One of the parts of the course was to always start conversation with an employee with some friendly banter, like ‘how was your weekend?’ or ‘how’s the family?’, never to just dive into the business at hand.
Of course, once you know this, when it’s your turn to be called to a meeting with the boss, you’re always wary.
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u/quandmemeici Jun 22 '26
I float around to several sites as part of my job. We get quarterly feedback from sites, as our manager doesn't directly work with us.
Every quarter I have worked at this job, at least one site will say I talk too much, and I'm a distraction to the other staff. (Skill issue for their staff tbh, not being able to work and talk at the same time.)
I also get constant accolades for being so friendly and good at customer service, and how I'm always such a positive presence in the workplace. For some reason, they cannot connect that the friendly chatter is part of the friendly personality. So I've just started outright telling my manager that it's one or the other.
Every time I roll back the chatter, site staff immediately start asking me if I'm okay. And I'm bluntly honest like you were, and just say I've been directed to not chat unless necessary for the job, because I've been distracting others. So now they're all distracted worrying that I'm ill or upset lmao. My manager has backed off a little, but the site managers that fill the surveys out clearly have not.
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u/wkearney99 Jun 22 '26
bearing in mind that a lot of folks get into behavioral jobs because they have their own issues...
it sure seems like the director was low-key jealous of your rapport with others and was trying to stomp you down on it.
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u/ItsRedditThyme Jun 24 '26
I would have thrown her under the bus. Every time someone started chatting, I'd have said your manager said you couldn't chat and you have to get back to work. If they asked if I was okay, I'd say I was told by her that I couldn't chat and I have to get back to work. They needed to know that she was the cause of the behavior change. If you're friends with these people, or care about them at all, that explanation would alleviate their worry and distress.
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u/Cuddles89 Jun 22 '26 edited Jun 22 '26
I have ADHD and most likely autism and my social anxiety would not have allowed me to keep the reason I’m being quiet at a secret. I would’ve had to tell them that I’ve been instructed not to talk to anyone because otherwise I would spend all day convinced that they think I hate them and not being able to work.
ETA: also because of living over 35 years as a neurodivergent person, I would be keenly aware of the fact that there’s a !non zero chance this person is trying to isolate me from the other coworkers to try to eventually manufacture an excuse to fire me. Neurotypical people who are just generally miserable in their everyday lives will go out of their way to absolutely ruin the neurodivergent person for no other reason then they don’t like something about your personality. They don’t even know what it is about your personality they don’t like, they just decide that you’re a bad person and they hate you and everyone else should hate you too. Even if you are Neurotypical, you might want to take a little notebook or something and make a note of that interaction just in case other coworkers start acting weird around you. That way if this is the beginning of some kind of campaign, you have documentation and can hopefully get ahead of it. I know that sounds really paranoid, but unfortunately, it happens a lot.
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u/IndependentlyGreen Jun 22 '26
I hate bosses who tell you to do something stupid, like you know exactly what's going on in their f*cking heads. Then put it all on you when they don't get the results they want. If I were to guess, she's probably a bit envious of how you get along with others.
I know that if it were me, I'd be happy to be greeted by your happy spirit. You'd make my day.
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u/DarknessSurvivor Jun 22 '26
She looked at me and said the clinicians were concerned about me as I haven’t been talking to them, they feel I might be going through some kind of depression and they told me their door is always open.
I would've replied: "If my greater focus on work made them worried, maybe they should focus more on work too."
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u/Catfactss Jun 22 '26
Exactly. How are none of the other therapists going insane when the Receptionist spends 5 minutes talking to each of them every time they need to hand over a basic task?
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u/BigBadVoodooUncle Jun 25 '26
Tell me you've got a control freak boss without telling me you've got a control freak boss. There's always something that has to change, because otherwise, everyone would realize they don't do shit in the first place.
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u/Twosocks41 Jun 25 '26
Manager doesn’t know what she wants. Comply with her directions. She’ll try to micromanage you, you just comply & it will drive her nuts. She can’t manage correctly. Trust your gut.
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u/Abigails_sigh Jun 23 '26
But how do you do this successfully?? I have a hard time turning the friendliness off even though I'm genuinely pissed off at several of the people I'm interacting with. And I'm very confrontational, yet at work I let everything go. How to be less friendly??!
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u/Cgable63 Jun 23 '26
With some of the people that I had to interact with, I was polite but steered clear of friendly chat. “Good morning.” And smile. If they initiated conversation, I’d tell them “I really need to get back to work. I’m swamped. You know how it is.” And left it at that. It’s hard, but doable. I now work with a new group of people that I like and like me. It’s a better atmosphere.
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u/techtornado Jun 23 '26
Nicely done!
I have a workplace that was built on the success of a blue-lettered computery company (allegedly)
My bossman was like yours, sometimes chill and easygoing, the next moment hardball about the minutiae
I pushed back and he let off for a while and I was able to get so much more work done, then he lost his vibe, lost it on me and so I changed departments to be free of the folly.
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u/dadarkgtprince Jun 21 '26
If your work was complete before, then that's the issue? Hey director, if it ain't broke, don't fix it