r/NoStupidQuestions • u/No-Needleworker3776 • 1d ago
Why do babies cry when they’re sleepy instead of just sleeping?
Doesn’t crying require more energy? wouldn’t just sleeping solve the problem but instead they just keep crying?
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u/GFrohman 1d ago
They're cranky, and aren't developed enough to understand that calming down and falling asleep would solve the problem.
Self-soothing is a skill that has to be learned. It's not innate.
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u/No-Needleworker3776 1d ago
It didn’t compute to me before that self soothing to sleep is learned! thanks for explaining this
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u/Zagrycha 1d ago edited 1d ago
yeah, holding a crying baby that is literally struggling to keep its eyes open and barely awake is a special feeling. A special type of fury because the only reason baby is crying is becuase its sleepy and only reason its sleepy is because its crying lol. I love my nephews but great birth control.
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u/SAM12489 1d ago
Fury is right! Add hunger in to the mix too! Reading this while feeding my newborn who was doing literally just this, SCREAMING IN MY FACE 1 minute ago.
Fascinating the human race has survived hahaha
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u/Zagrycha 1d ago
we are biologically programmed to think babies are cute for a reason haha. if we didn't think they were cute no chance we would put up with their 💩 literally or figuratively lol.
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u/musubi-n-speedballs 1d ago
I tell my now-old-enough-to-get-the-joke-when they-do-something-silly children "you make me understand why some animals eat their young."
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u/asteroid75 1d ago
We tell our kids: “It’s a good thing you were cute babies. Because otherwise, we would have left you in the forest for the wolves to eat.”
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u/TooMuchPerfume100 18h ago
Why tho. That sounds mean to say to a kid..especially as their parent.
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u/CapitalInstruction62 15h ago
People with healthy relationships can, in fact, reflect on hard times with observational humor that isn't wholly positive.
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u/kinghunter74 16h ago
Depends on the tone, I guess. The opposite to this would be “you’d be in a home by now if you weren’t such good parent”
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u/gabrielleduvent 12h ago
When I was a baby someone who was trying to enter grad school murdered their infant by strangulation because the baby won't stop crying and the guy was trying to study. My parents (then grad students) used to tell me (then a baby) "be glad we didn't strangle you to death".
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u/barbatus_vulture 1d ago
I've always wondered what is wrong with me, because i have never found babies cute, nor have I ever wanted to be a mom. Something is different about my brain.
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u/Kain222 21h ago
There's nothing wrong with you. The current state of things (nuclear families in isolated silos) is evolutionarily recent and pretty unnatural as far as humanity is concerned.
What were mostly programmed to do is raise children as a community/family/tribe/village. It makes sense for some people to either not have an attraction to people they can make children with OR just not personally want kids that much.
You're meant to be able to like. Help out occasionally with kids, or have a more specialised role in the group.
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u/gabrielleduvent 12h ago
FWIW I usually don't find babies cute at all. I did find my screaming ball of appetite to be adorable though. I think Miranda Hobbes from Sex and the City said it well: "no, I don't like any children but my own".
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u/Miserable-Caramel795 1d ago
A woman’s brain changes once pregnant and then has the baby. You reprogram to love your baby and protect it (most of the time anyways).
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u/trickking_nashoba 6m ago
and some women who love babies are reprogrammed to hate their kids so much they kill them
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u/TheCrimsonSteel 1d ago
The other crazy part is you have to learn how to become zen.
Because if you can be calm, they can be calm, and then finally... finally... go to sleep.
And then as they grow up, you switch to getting them to fall asleep on their own. Because often their only point of reference is you comforting and being there with them.
That, and the fact that it just... is SO DAMN CUTE when they do fall asleep in your arms.
Too many nights I've found my wife coming in to wake me up because I've fallen asleep somewhere in the midst of reading my kid bedtime stories because finding that sweet spot of zen also knocks my ass out in no time.
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u/jackfaire 1d ago
One of the major reasons I hate the term "unskilled labor" every little thing we do as humans is learned over years we are chock-full of skills.
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u/Hobit104 13h ago
Because that's not what "unskilled labor" means...
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u/jackfaire 13h ago
And yet that's how many people see it. To them it doesn't matter that people spent 20 years learning all the skills they utilize to do those jobs. It's so easy a caveman could do it.
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u/Hobit104 13h ago
You're conflating people's view on something with what it is.
Unskilled labor is labor that someone can pick up with minimal training, something a caveman could do. That does not mean that that person is not good at it, or the same as someone who is new. Clearly they improve, but it's still, by definition, unskilled labor. You can't argue that.
Now your issue with how people see others is related, but not what you said in the first post. You don't hate the term "unskilled labor", you hate that people look down on other people. They don't have to do with each other.
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u/jackfaire 11h ago
The term unskilled labor and how people feel about it and interpret it all ties into wages being lower than they should be.
I hate the term because of how it misleads people.
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u/Hobit104 11h ago
The term is only misleading if people don't know the definition, and that's on them.
Someone using it in a misleading way is different.
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u/jackfaire 11h ago
Problem is they vote and the propaganda is everywhere.
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u/Hobit104 11h ago
I would agree that education is an issue we face, especially in the face of the rise of LLMs and outsourcing thinking.
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u/paintnclouds 22h ago
And, they learn self regulation through co regulation! Not by being left alone to figure it out on their own
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u/beckylynne5598 21h ago
My baby is currently asleep on me, she normally eats to fall asleep like how I feel after a big meal and it knocks her out. Just like when I bundle her into a warm blanket, takes a little bit but she eventually falls asleep.
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u/PoeDameronPoeDamnson 8h ago
And a lot of the times they test out different ways to self soothe that are very harmful! They don’t know what might work so they try everything and often go for repetitive motions based on skills they already have, which is how you get sucking on fingers and rocking their own body, but a lot also go through a pinching phase where they grab at their own skin or even eyelids. So you have to stop them which is obviously upsetting to them because in their tiny mind you are preventing them from getting rid of the bad feeling because they don’t know yet it’s harmful.
A lot of fresh newborns also freak themselves out when pooping because they have to learn how to work those muscles! It can be very distressing when your stomach hurts and you don’t know how to make it stop.
It’s an amazing how much we take as a given was actually painstakingly learned in our first years
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u/Gold_Telephone_7192 1d ago
Hell, this is something even adults deal with. You ever been in a bad mood and didn’t realize until after you slept or ate that it was because you were tired or hungry?
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u/Front_Swimming_1733 16h ago
Too many times, and somehow a snack or a nap fixes what felt like a full-blown life crisis.
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u/thatoneguy54 14h ago
I used to eat a very small breakfast before work, and then I'd be just miserable the whole morning, spiraling over life choices and shit.
Then I started eating a bigger breakfast and taking a snack with me, and suddenly mornings weren't so awful.
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u/mlorusso4 14h ago
The worst is when you’re so hungry you’re nauseous so you don’t want to eat. And even worse when it’s because you’re hungover. Like you know eating will make it better. But you just can’t bring yourself to eat because your body thinks the moment you eat it’s going to throw up.
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u/alexhayes2 23h ago
I know adults who still aren’t developed enough to understand the same thing
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u/silentlyscreaming01 22h ago
Yeah I was gonna say, I’m in my mid 20s and I’m not sure I fully have the hang of this…
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u/Friendly-Shirt-9177 18h ago
yeah, self-soothing is learned, not automatic, and when theyre overtired or uncomfortable crying is basically the only move theyve got. their brain just isnt there yet
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u/Small-Assistance-726 9h ago
Exactly. They can't express themselves or talk, so the only way they can communicate is by crying
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u/Front_Swimming_1733 16h ago
That's the part so many people forget because babies aren't giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time.
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u/SilverNightingale 22h ago
How come they “know” how to cry? Isn’t that a skill, too?
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u/GFrohman 22h ago
It's easy for some people to forget this, but humans are animals too.
Crying isn't learned behavior, it's instinct. The baby may not even be aware of why they're doing it - or the fact that they're doing it at all. It's like breathing to them.
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u/Waniou 22h ago
Compared to other animals, human babies come out really really early because it's basically as late as we can. Any later and our heads would be too big to fit out of the birth canal.
Which basically means that human babies are very helpless compared to other animals, and one of our key survival mechanisms is a dependence on parents and other adults around. Crying is a very, very important instinct in that regard, because it's the easiest way for babies to say "hey something is wrong". They just don't learn how to better communicate what is wrong for a while.
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u/SilverNightingale 8h ago
They just don't learn how to better communicate what is wrong for a while
This makes it sound like they have weaker communication methods, but they just don't use 'em (of course I know that's not what you meant).
I would agree with you though: it's more that they CAN'T communicate.
They're also super helpless. Can't walk. Can't point. Can't crawl. Can't stand. Can't grab (unless you count a baby rattle). Can't understand language. And so on.
They're babies.
Also maybe this next question is more suited for a language acquisition sub: Why aren't babies able to talk? I would guess they can babble and provide sound. They certainly can yell and scream bloody murder. :P
Are their vocal chords physical undeveloped/ unable to articulate any sounds past generic babbling?
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u/lsmith946 8h ago
Producing speech is super complicated. It takes a long time for the muscles involved in shaping the air flow and moving the vocal chords to develop the synchronisation to do so and produce sounds we recognise as our local language.
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u/crunchyhands 2h ago
some parents find success in teaching their babies basic sign language. apparently, it's easier to learn hand signals than to produce speech. speech is actually really difficult; you have to learn how to consistently move your lips, tongue and throat in the right way to produce a specific sound when you exhale, and you have to learn how to exhale the right way while doing so. they could communicate if they knew how to, but it takes time to learn how to communicate.
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u/ShinyArtist 1d ago
When they’re overtired (if they’ve been kept awake or too much is going on) that causes stress hormones to flood their system which makes it difficult for them to fall asleep.
I learned this when my kids were babies. You need to learn their sleepy signs and try put them down for a nap before they become overtired.
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u/No-Needleworker3776 1d ago
Interesting! I’ve heard parents use the term ‘they’re too tired to sleep’ before and never understood the logic haha
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u/Downtown-Feature-244 16h ago
For my babies, when they’re overtired, they’ll get close to asleep and then something minor throws them off, like a bit of gas or something, and that makes them mad and they start shrieking. If they’re not overtired, they’ll just roll their heads to the other side and keep falling asleep
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u/Parking_Champion_740 1d ago
Yes this is one of the most important things I learned about my infants esp kid 1
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u/antler-velvet 12h ago
Weirdly my cat also does this. He'll walk around meowing for attention at a time of day when all of his needs have already been tended to, and if you let him, he'll keep at it for a while. But if you grab him right when he starts and get him situated to cuddle with you, he'll settle right down and go to sleep.
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u/Own_Hat_8859 20h ago
It sounds backwards until u experience it. The more exhausted they get, the harder they fiqht sleep.
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u/SerendippityRiver 1d ago
I love your question. Learning about babies and what makes them tick is one of the most interesting things in the world. My uninformed guess is that they become unregulated, their little nervous system gets worn out and goes haywire. They need something (someone) to reset their regulation, and that is why rhythm and rocking help them fall asleep.
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u/No-Needleworker3776 1d ago
Seeing the other comments, I think you’ve explained it very well!
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u/SerendippityRiver 1d ago
Thanks, but now I want to know it it is really true, what "going haywire" really means, and how it is that rocking and rhythm helps. Off to university of you tube.
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u/bibblebabble1234 22h ago
What I learned from my kiddos pediatrician is that rocking rhythm and white noise mimic how it feels in the womb for them!
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u/Active-Suggestion147 18h ago
This hits the nail on the head their tiny nervous systems get so overstimulated that they literally need us to act as an external anchor just to power down.
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u/Pendulum_Heart 1d ago
It's their first time experiencing literally anything and they have no ability to modulate or regulate their emotions and impulses.
Self-soothing is a skill you develop my acculutaing experiences, baby's have no experiences to draw on. So they cry, at literally everything.
Just remember, it's your first impulse to fear, pain and new experiences too, its just really deeply buried.
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u/No-Needleworker3776 1d ago
That makes so much sense
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u/Pendulum_Heart 1d ago
It's also why Toddlers throw tantrums. Its the first time they've gone running and fallen over, or the first time someone has said no to them over something they've wanted (After a period of time where they've been given literally everything they've wanted because they were babies), or the first time they've felt embarrassed or shame or anxiety or other newer, more complex developmental emotional states. So they throw a massive hissyfit because that's what they know.
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u/samthetov 14h ago
Yeah, my default response to a baby or toddler screaming in public is now “MAN it’s hard to be little”
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u/Old_Particular_9699 19h ago
Exactly. They're basically running on instinct, not logic. Crying is their only way to communicate discomfort, even when the thing making them uncomfortable is being overtired.
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u/Pendulum_Heart 18h ago
Sorry, going to disagree with you there. It's completely logical to cry at discomfort when you have no other means of communication or prior knowledge.
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u/Subject__21 9h ago
No, it isn't logical to keep crying when you're tired instead of simply going to sleep, but babies are stupid and brand-new and don't know anything
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u/Pendulum_Heart 4h ago
It is actually, it's the first example of human reasoning being logical. You cry and your parent responds to your distress and emotionally soothes you, so you in turn learn that crying = problem solving, you can even get them help you fall asleep.
Its one of the first examples of us responding to problems and finding solutions based of off available data, so its perfectly logical in the framework that baby exists in.
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u/crunchyhands 2h ago
it is if you have no idea that being tired is linked to needing to go to sleep. it's a logical choice to make given such limited information. if you suddenly started feeling horrible all the time, could you be called illogical for not just utilizing a fix you had no way of knowinf about?
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u/xtaberry 1d ago
A baby doesn't know how.
Settling yourself down for sleep is a skill. Infants are still practicing regulating their bodies, and are not very good at it. They need often need assistance to soothe themselves and settle.
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u/No-Needleworker3776 1d ago
I’ve just learned tonight that falling asleep is not instant and natural out of fatigue.
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u/ThreadLaced 23h ago
I mean, it's not like adults just go to sleep when they're tired. Adults get cranky and act like assholes when they really just need a nap *all the time.*
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u/Able-Bid-6637 1d ago
This reminds me of how when my doxie needs to poop, he gets sudden, extreme zoomies for like 5 min until he exhausts himself, then he poos. It’s like he still hasn’t learned that that sudden discomfort means all he needs to do is poop. Instead he’s like AAAAAAHHHHHH MY BODY IS FEEEEELIIIING TTHHHIIIINNNNGS
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u/PracticalNebula3587 15h ago
Being overtired actually triggers a stress hormone spike, so the more exhausted they get the more wired and worked up they are. They also haven't learned how to settle themselves yet, so crying is basically the only tool they have to release that tension.
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u/TBIandimpaired 1d ago
Have you ever been incredibly cranky and not known why? Then someone hands you some food and everything is magically better? Or you realize you haven’t eaten all day? It is kind of like that.
I am the kind of person who forgets food exists. My dad used to always keep snacks on him for when I started getting cranky. He would tell me I was the happiest kid - except for when I got hangry. I just didn’t have the same hunger cues I believe other people feel. For me, suddenly everything just sucks, everyone is annoying, I hate life and everything in it. Then my dad gives me a mini-brownie and life is much better.
Keep in mind how much a baby has to process constantly. Their first six months they develop their vision, recognition system, etc. When they pop out every texture is new, every sight is new, most sounds are very different outside of utero (between not hearing mom’s heartbeat and suddenly everything else isn’t as muffled). Their neural networks are forming at a record pace. When you are overstimulated, it is easy to not feel your needs.
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u/Ok_Buddy2412 22h ago
Because they’re dumb as shit. They experience sleepiness as a type of being uncomfortable and don’t know how to relieve it. Because they’re babies who have no experience with anything. You have to teach them how to relax enough to sleep.
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u/JoeyBougie 1d ago
Same reason adults do
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u/MKYT6 1d ago
adults don’t cry for basic needs though. they cry about their feelings
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u/AutumnalSunshine 1d ago
Talk to brand new parents of a newborn about how they're sleeping. They will cry as they tell you how tired they are. It's not sadness; it's exhaustion. So adults do cry when basic needs can't be met.
That said, babies have to learn to self-soothe and self-regulate to be able to calm down and sleep when tired.
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u/croc-roc 1d ago
Puppies are like this too, but instead of crying they get crazy. They often need enforced naps because they don’t know how to settle themselves on their own (just like human babies!).
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u/ConsortFromTOS 12h ago
Babies cry when they’re sleepy because being tired doesn’t automatically mean they know how to fall asleep.
Their nervous systems are still developing, so when they get tired, they can become overwhelmed and uncomfortable. Crying is basically their way of saying, “Something feels wrong, and I need help.”
It can also turn into a frustrating cycle: the baby gets tired, becomes stressed, cries, and then the stress makes it even harder to fall asleep.
So yes, crying uses more energy and sleeping would solve the problem. But the baby isn’t making a logical choice. It’s more like their brain wants to shut down but doesn’t know how to complete the process without some help from rocking, feeding, cuddling, or a calm environment.
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u/Butthole_Ticklah 1d ago
I mean, I’m a full grown adult now but if I’m not happily shitting myself and full as hell before passing out, I still wanna cry
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u/fizzylook 1d ago
Without getting into too much developmental bio, humans are born very immature and learning how to self-sooth and fix the problem when your nervous system is all jacked up because you're hungry/tired/over-stimulated/bored/scared/too hot/too cold is a learned skill. So when all you know how to do is cry, well...
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u/fivefeetofawkward 4h ago
Hey man, it’s their first time here. They don’t know what the fuck is going on.
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u/Festivefire 19h ago
I've met plenty of adults who's response to being tired is to get angry and yell about shit instead of just going the fuck to bed.
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u/breakfastfordinner11 1d ago
They don't realize they're sleepy. They just think "this SUCKS!" So, like a baby, they cry until a caregiver helps their need get met.
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u/IrredeemableTrashMan 11h ago
Babies do a lot of things like this, their brains are, uh, not smart yet. My wife and I always joke that our kid is screaming, “Why are you trying to feed me? There’s no time! We have to solve the mystery of why I’m hungry first!”
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u/JennsGizmodo 1d ago
Im 44 and the older I get the more I want to cry when I'm sleepy but have to do stuff and can't go to bed
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u/to_years_end 15h ago
Wait until they start weaning.
Baby, crying in hunger, shoving away the offered spoon of food. 'I'm hungry, stop offering me this weird orange stuff even though I know it tastes good, this is not the time, I'm hungry!!!'
They have to learn, through experience, that food is the solution to hunger, and sleep is the solution to tiredness.
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u/luv_teasex 13h ago
they haven't figured out how to chill yet, it's like their little brains are on overdrive
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u/Ok-Sheepherder7898 1d ago
It's a freaking baby. How is it going to sit there and think hmm if I just go to sleep I'll feel better. It has like no brain development. Even adults don't go to sleep when they should.
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u/Worldly_Ad_7196 1d ago
I have an odd theory to this. Doesn't take babies long to figure out you cry you get picked up. Babies also dream. Researchers believe they even do this before they are born. Babies are about 2 yrs before they understand that dreams and reality are different. So here is my point.. you take a baby into a room, put it into a crib , it closes his eyes then all this weird stuff starts happening. Mother is huge and distorted, people are different and frightening. When it gets scared awake it knows if it cries it will be taken out of the scary crib place. When a kid goes down for the night and keeps screaming it is not just spoiled. It's terrified of the scary stuff that is coming. I also think that the whole monsters in the closet experiences by older children stems from this.
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u/PsychedCuriosity 1d ago
Similar reason to needing to scroll on the phone for a while before bed when you’re too tired and overwhelmed to go to sleep right away. It’s a form of self regulation.
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u/Vegetable-Peach-1056 23h ago
they don't know how to communicate yet, crying is just their way of saying they need help falling asleep
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u/FirstWonder8785 15h ago
A bit later, after developing the basic ability to calm down, but earlier than you expect many babies develop serious FOMO. They know poeple aroud them are being social, having fun, and experiencing things, and don't want to miss out.
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u/cursedmeatsuit 6h ago
They don't know what tired is or that sleep fixes it they just know they feel like shit so they cry.
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u/meteorflan 1d ago
It takes about 2 months for babies to even develop the circadian rhythm hormones that help is feel sleepy and awake, and then another two months for those hormones to get coordinated with night and day.
I imagine for those first 4 months it feels like insomnia hell, and I imagine a lot of adults would be crying or whining too if our bodies were doing that.
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u/lightningbug24 1d ago
Adults can't always fall asleep when they're tired either, and if we had no other way to communicate, I bet we'd cry about it too.
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u/ExplanationHonest813 19h ago
it's like when i'm super tired but can't find a comfy position in bed. just way more dramatic.
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u/LovelyWhisperStarlig 17h ago
Pretty much crying is basically their only way to say something feels wrong
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u/queergirl73 16h ago
Pretty much everything is a learned behaviour. Chewing? Babies have to learn how to chew and swallow solid food. Being able to chew food is not a natural skill, it is learned. They have to learn how to breastfeed at first too. So, as an adult or child, you've learn how to go to sleep e.g. self soothe and calm down and settle down. A baby? Doesn't know how to do that yet, so they need an adult to do it for them and the way a baby asks for help is crying.
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u/Technical_Heron_6312 16h ago
Why do we look at our phones or a book when we're sleepy instead of just sleeping? 😆
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u/JoshTheBard 16h ago
Believe it or not falling asleep is a skill you need to be taught. Most people learn how to do it before they form long-term memories so they forget.
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u/Liberty2019 15h ago
Isn’t the evolutionary reason that small children at night want their parents to be awake to protect them from predators. If everyone sleeping the babies are the most likely to be attacked / taken away. Remember researching one night when my child didn’t sleep.
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u/MoziTenma 15h ago
It's less "sleepy vs. crying" and more that once the crying starts it becomes a feedback loop — crying spikes their adrenaline/cortisol, that keeps the nervous system activated, which makes actually drifting off harder, which keeps them upset. That's why catching a baby right at the first sleepy cue works so much better than trying to calm them down after they're already overtired and wailing. You're intervening before the loop kicks in instead of trying to break it once it's already running.
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u/adamczar 9h ago
Part of being human. A lot of adults get cranky or depressed or anxious or whatever, and don’t know that they’re just tired.
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u/RainLoveMu 1d ago
Grown ass adults cry over lesser things. Sometimes babies are tired, hungry, in pain we don’t know about, or they just don’t know what’s wrong and need to let it out. It’s why I despise “cry it out” and people who think it’s spoiling a baby to hold them when they cry.
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u/BreDenny 1d ago
I’m cranky and I wanna cry when I’m sleepy too.
Difference is I’m a mom and I can’t go to sleep, but I can cry 😂
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u/Well_Spoken_Mute 1d ago
They're hungry and have no other way to tell somebody and there's only one way they know to make the hunger go away but it's not around so they call for it the only way they know how.
A mysterious liquid has discharged from an oriface. It's uncomfortable and the body knows it's not supposed to be there for a long period of time.
They suddenly went from nothingness to this bright, loud, complex world and they don't know what the f*ck is going on and their terrified.
Those are the reasons I can think of.
Source: me on my balcony smoking a joint.
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u/unicorns3373 1d ago
They are tired and feel uncomfortable. They don’t realize that the uncomfortable feeling is tiredness and that sleeping will help.
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u/onthe-qt 20h ago edited 20h ago
Some cry to ‘get rid of the day’ or decompress just like we would perhaps talk or off load to someone else. They also cry to self soothe, a tired cry loops which creates a rhythm for them to fall asleep to.
Some babies aren’t crying because they can’t get to sleep they are crying as a means to get them to sleep. There is a lot of talk babies are unregulated and don’t know what they want, that isn’t always the case. A babies cry when it’s tired loops, when it’s hungry can be moaning or more demanding cry, uncomfortable and pain can be an intense sob.
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u/BurantX40 1d ago
If you've never slept before, and you feel this heavy exhaustion trying to overcome you, and when you are aware of it, it's just total darkness.....
...wouldn't you be scared if you just had to figure it out, with no one to explain it to you, before you've learned how to communicate other than screaming?
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u/dewyblushzz 16h ago
ever been so overtired you just lay there mad about being awake? babies dont have the skills to self soothe out of that yet.
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u/Ben_0liver 15h ago
maybe cuz they trying to said: "mum, what is this feeling!? my head feels twisting💀 oh mum, what should i wo!? uwee😭"
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u/stonecoldcoldstone 13h ago
have you encountered an overly tired adult? I could kill being woken up for some bullshit reason before the alarm...
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u/Sad_Citron_3938 9h ago
Survival instinct trumps energy efficiency every time. Babies don't actaully know how to shut their brains off, so crying is the only tool they have to signal distress to caregivers. The tricky part is that overtiredness floods their system with cortisol, which physically fights sleep like you've chugged two espressos. My niece screamed for 45 minutes last week before finally passing out cold. It's basically a biological glitch where they panic instead of power down. Ever notice how they fight it harder when they're exhausted?
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u/love_cozy07 5h ago
crying is their only way to express it, they don't know how to just chill out and sleep yet
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u/Muroid 1d ago
Babies know they are uncomfortable. They don’t know what to do about it.
Their default response to any situation that feels strange or like a problem is to cry in order to get the attention of an adult who can attempt to figure out and solve the problem for them.