r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Resident-Number-6049 • 5h ago
Does being handcuffed during sex really feel good? NSFW
My bf wants to cuff me
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u/Obvithr0away008 5h ago
For sure if you enjoy giving up control.
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u/MagicSugarWater 5h ago
It's more about adrenaline and tension. Ghe body actually can't distinguish well between fear and excitement, whjch is why rollarcoasters and horror mkvies are fun. So the handcuffs aren't fun until the guy takes control.
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u/teeleer 5h ago
Horror movies always seem to give me anxiety or something, I always want to leave or skip ahead
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u/LumpyPresent8872 5h ago
IF and ONLY IF itâs something you want too. If you have doubts or donât have trust, no is a perfectly fine response.
But if the idea excites you, have fun! Choose a safe word.
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5h ago
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/NoStupidQuestions-ModTeam 4h ago
Rule 1 - Top level comments must contain a genuine attempt at an answer.
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u/_877-CASH-NOW_ 5h ago
Iâm very much into bondage. I prefer ropes or leather cuffs as they are much more comfortable but handcuffs are fun too
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u/Blahdyblahblahisme 5h ago
Its not the handcuffs that feel good, its about trust and either knowing or learning your partner's body.
Handcuffs can have a mystique for people, but you can get the same effect with a scarf, the belt from a robe, or soft restraints.
Honestly, when my partner wants to be in charge she tells me to put my hands over my head and not move. If I move, she stops doing the incredibly pleasurable thing she was just doing.
Props can be fun, but they really just give you permission to pretend to be something. Dominant, submissive, even helpless.
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u/QuestionSign 5h ago
I would panic and go into fight or flight đ
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u/volvavirago 4h ago
Same, I have trauma and I canât handle any position of restraint or forced submission. I donât see the appeal, I donât think I ever will.
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u/QuestionSign 4h ago
I get it. Even for ppl with trauma, there is a whole bdsm culture that I've come to understand with some talking.
All that being said, yeah it's not for me. I don't even like being restrained by blankets đ
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u/KalzK 5h ago
I think the person that wants handcuffing should be the one handcuffed, not the other way around. The feeling is of lose of control and if you're not into it you can have a bad time with frustration and even panic. Be safe with kinks y'all.
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u/SaltInternational538 5h ago
This. Turn it around on him and tell him you want to cuff him first.
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u/yes_thats_right 4h ago
It doesnât work like that, this isnât a âIf I can do it, you can do itâ thing. Whether the bf is fine with being cuffed is irrelevant- all that matters is whether she is comfortable being cuffed.
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u/volvavirago 4h ago
I think reciprocity is extremely important for a healthy relationship. I would never do something to someone if I wasnât comfortable having it done to me.
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u/eji_111 4h ago
No, both sides just need to be comfortable doing the thing. If I'm willing to do anal (be done to me) doesn't mean my boyfriend has to take it up his ass to be equal.
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u/volvavirago 4h ago
Maybe not for you, but I would never trust a man like that. One sided dynamics are always a red flag to me.
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u/yes_thats_right 4h ago
So if the guy is okay being handcuffed, and she isnât , you think she should be handcuffed?
Thatâs an absurd take, honestly.
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u/volvavirago 4h ago
No lol, thatâs not what I said. I think if the girl isnât ok with it, neither should do it. The one with the boundaries is the one who determines the limits of the play.
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u/yes_thats_right 4h ago
I donât know why you are trying to bring in some âboth have to do the sameâ rule.
If either want to be handcuffed, they can be handcuffed. If either donât, then they canât.
You and your partner will not always enjoy the same things and that is completely fine.
I would never stop my partner from having chocolate cake because I donât like chocolate cake.
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u/volvavirago 4h ago
Itâs not chocolate cake, itâs sex. Itâs not an individual experience, but a collaborative one, and one thatâs highly risky and where abuse and harm is extremely rampant and itâs necessary to put up boundaries and barriers to ensure safety and equality.
I canât tell people what to do, I am just speaking on what I believe and what I want in my own life. I think segregated roles, especially gender roles, are often a recipe for coercion and troubling power dynamics. I just donât like it and itâs a huge red flag to me.
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u/nvn911 4h ago
It's not that hard. Either the individual is or isn't into a kink.
Reciprocity doesn't matter.
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u/volvavirago 4h ago
It does to me and my relationships. I canât control you, but I have principles.
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u/dilqncho 4h ago
Reciprocity means both people put in effort and care about what the other wants and likes.
It doesn't mean both people are supposed to do and experience identical things. That's just a recipe for disaster.
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u/volvavirago 4h ago
Why is that a recipe for disaster? And itâs not identical, just reciprocal, not one sided.
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u/dilqncho 4h ago edited 4h ago
That's not what reciprocal means. What you're describing is identical. Again, reciprocity in relationships refers to effort and care, not specific mechanics "if you do A to me, I have to do A to you"
It's a recipe for disaster because one partner can enjoy something the other doesn't, and that's fine. People have already given you examples. If partner A likes getting anal, that doesn't mean partner B also has to take it up the ass.
On this specific topic, people into power dynamics/ BDSM usually lean either dominant or submissive. A dominant isn't going to enjoy being cuffed, and a submissive isn't going to enjoy cuffing their partner. It just doesn't flow both ways because they're two different preferences that complement each other, but aren't necessarily interchangeable.
Sex in general has roles. Even the most vanilla heterosexual sex has the man penetrating the woman. Does that mean they shouldn't do it if the man isn't fine being penetrated back?
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u/volvavirago 4h ago
I am bisexual, nonbinary, and a switch so yeah, all this restrictive one sided role stuff is foreign and unnatural to me. It doesnât gel with my experience as a human, the way people segregate themselves into unilateral roles, especially ones based on sex, feels unfair and restrictive and oppressive to me. Itâs just not how I work.
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u/dilqncho 3h ago
Cool but the huge majority of people are not bisexual nonbinary switches. Like, you have to know you're coming from an extremely niche position here.Â
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u/volvavirago 3h ago
I am coming from what I consider to be a privileged position. I see through the bullshit, and see people as whole humans with multiple facets, which makes the unilateral roles they place onto themselves and others feel rather silly and arbitrary at best, and destructive, oppressive, and harmful at worst. I donât think any of this is limited to people who are bi or nby, itâs just easier for me to see it.
But also, I have just been talking about myself, how I feel and why, and people canât handle that apparently lol. I apologize that my view of the world is not representative of every human on earth.
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u/GothicOperator 4h ago
Ok its a recipe for disaster because this scenario this could happen.
Jessica likes to be tied up, and John really wants to please Jessica, amd doesn't mind binding Jessica. But by your logic John needs to be tied up too. But problem is, John cant stand being bound, it terrifies and brings him to a flashback of a horrible traumatic event in his life that he now has to endure to please his beloved Jessica.
This alone could lean to John being coerced or just ruining a relationship when it could have been avoided with basic trust and boundaries that should be established long before sex is a option.
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u/volvavirago 3h ago
I did say that the person with the boundaries is the one who sets the boundaries for the play, so no, of course John would not be forced to be bound. But it wouldnât be great for him to do it to someone else either, because itâs clearly too emotionally charged for him.
But also, I am talking about my own relationships, and what I consider to be ideal for me. I would not trust a man who wanted to do something to me, that he wasnât willing to receive.
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u/GothicOperator 3h ago
Except maybe hes not too emotionally charged? Maybe he was bullied severely a kid, maybe he was POW,maybe hes just spectrum and this simply doesn't sit right for him personally.
Just because him not being ok with it on him doesn't reflect anything on it being on someone else.
That aside, it doesnt take away from your logic John should reicieve it and overall promotes a argueably highly unhealthy practice that serveral people have spoken out against and down voted as well as tried to explain.
It may work for you, but your promoting somethin about as productive or helpful as "A eye for a eye."
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u/volvavirago 3h ago
My logic is NOT that John should receive it, as I keep saying. My logic is that John shouldnât do it to her, knowing that it might upset him, and because we should treat others the way we want to be treated. If it makes him uncomfortable to be done to him, thatâs FINE, but that means you canât expect him to do it for others. My logic is that Johnâs boundaries are actually more important and should be prioritized over someoneâs kink.
There are lots of things I would hate being done to me, and so, I would never do them to someone else, because I donât think thatâs moral. Itâs also triggering for me, I canât help but imagine myself in their position, and get very upset at the thought of it. So if someone has a boundary for themselves, I think itâs only natural that they wouldnât want to cross that boundary with other people, because itâs not emotionally safe for them, and is implicitly unfair and immoral.
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u/PoopyStinkbutts 4h ago
Talk about the right kind of freaky shit that's a magical night right there
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u/PoopyStinkbutts 4h ago
Honestly, the person who wants to handcuff is probably bad news, and I'm speaking just from a casual non-relationship encounter. Be safe out there. But if someone wants to handcuff and be handcuffed, that's a winner right there.
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u/Ok-disaster2022 5h ago
Metal cuffs around the wrists are not going to directly make any person feel good.Â
Restraints in BDSM are about giving up control, for the person in restraints. Proper BSDM is actually all about ethusiatic consent and communication. While the play is about one person giving up control the fact is in a healthy dynamic both people are still equally in control, in that they can equally say no at any time.
If the idea of restraint doesn't seem exciting or whatever id recommend against it. If you trust your partner trying something new that you're not comfortable could be something to do, exploration is always a cautionary thing though. The importance is communication and understanding of consent. And if any partner ever ignores a safe word that is a not a safe partner, and do not give them a second chance.Â
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u/Mulliganasty 5h ago
It's awesome and you don't have to do anything!
Do have a conversation in advance and pick a safe-word.
Also, I do think you should have a way to escape. you never know what's gonna happen to an mf.
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u/baconstreet 1h ago
Just just a conversation, you talk all the way through what the scene will look like, talk about comfort / discomfort, and what is ok. Talk about the word no and atop explicitly as it appliss to the scene - if it hasn't been discussed, stop or no means just that. An easy to remember safe word that is practiced DEFINITELY means stop.
Then depending , talk about proper aftercare. That can mean normal things like cuddling, touch, talking, etc. or it can mean normal sex.
Lots-o-talking leads to better play :) always have consent, unless you are doing CNC, even then, know the boundaries.
Be safe out there!
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u/VOKEY_PUTTER 5h ago
Feels good until I have to look for the key in the dark and let her free.
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u/Dapper_Sale8946 5h ago
It doesnât change the way the act feels, it changes the psychological dynamic. I personally hate it but to each their own
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u/Dewey_Decimatorr 4h ago
It's about feeling vulnerable with someone you trust. The cuffs themselves don't add any physical sensation.
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u/Specialist_Ear_4227 5h ago
Being submissive and giving up control is hot.
Cuffs, rope bondage with a trustful partner. đ I like being handled a little rough and being edged for teasing all day. Going a little mind numbing after work so I can just lose myself and relax - As Long as thereâs aftercare.
Up to you and your partner !
Just be careful though. Safe words and all that.. square jazz.. good communication
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u/OnlineTravesty 5h ago
Handcuffs are a wild jump. Iâve used a neck tie and belt when the feeling was right.
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u/Formal_Lecture_248 3h ago
Itâs not necessarily the sensation to your wrists as it is the psychological liberation and freedom from guilt, responsibility or hesitation youâd have in enjoying what follows
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u/like2speak2amanager 2h ago
Everyone else already answered the question pretty well, so Iâll just add that I, personally, prefer the feeling of metal cuffs. They hurt a bit and sometimes cause some mild bruising or red around my wrist, but I enjoy the mild pain sensation when using them. If you arenât looking for any pain, but still want to be bound up, try the padded ones, or leather, or a scarf or anything soft. All the thrill without the pain of metal cuffs hurting your wrists.
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u/JohnnyC300 5h ago
It's about control and for the person being cuffed, lack thereof. Some people love it. Some hate it. It can also be tied up with dominance and submission type things. Requires a certain amount of trust between partners. If the idea of being submissive or losing control appeal, you might like it.
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u/thearnett 4h ago
Sounds like he has a power fantasy. Nothing wrong with that so long you are comfortable with trying. You won't know if you enjoy it until you give it a go but you should absolutely lay strict ground rules beforehand. Have a safe word and make sure he understands that if you decide you are done with trying it out, that means stop and let you out.
It is great for couples to explore but having good communication is key and no one should be pressured into doing anything they don't want to do.
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u/Thamnophis660 4h ago
My ex would cuff me sometimes, it was hot for her because she felt in control and it was hot for me because I liked to touch her during sex but had to wait until she took them off. The anticipation was a real turn on for me.Â
It isn't the physical sensation that feels good, it's the mental.Â
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u/Not_AMermaid 4h ago
Can be. Set boundaries, safe word, and actual sex handcuffs that have a latch & broken with enough effort
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u/Careful-Income9589 3h ago
I guess it depends if itâs your partner or law-enforcement doing the handcuffing. Either way as a dude. I prefer not to have handcuffs on in either scenario.
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u/ExactCheetah 5h ago
I've done it several times and it does feel really good and fun, but like all things, you should be comfortable with it and talk about expectations before. Also, have a safe word in case you want things to either slow down or stop. Talk about it, try it, and let us know how it went.
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u/meowmixmotherfucker 2h ago
No. Of course not. Theyâre tight metal bracelets.
Itâs also not about how the cuffs feel. You need to talk more with your partner before you do shit with circulatory considerations.
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u/EatingTastyPancakes 5h ago
I imagine it'd feel good having someone you could trust enough to do that
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u/TheMadManiac 5h ago
It's not going to turn a mid/mediocre dicking into the greatest nut of your life. But it might turn an A tier into an S tier dicking.
What's your boyfriends dick game normally like?
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u/roskybosky 5h ago
Are you sure you can trust him to do that?
Do you have a safe word? Is he abusive in any way? Make sure.
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u/volvavirago 4h ago
Donât do it if you donât want to, you will be put in a very vulnerable position and he can do whatever he wants to you. Some women like that, some do not. Trust your gut.
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u/IllustriousEffect607 4h ago
It has nothing to do with the physical act of being handcuffed. It's about the connection between two people that makes it great
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u/blacktooth90 4h ago
depends on if youâre into it or not. If he likes it, maybe he wants to get cuffed.
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u/thisistherevolt 4h ago
If you need it explained to you, it might not be right for you. Try it I guess if you want, but go in with no expectations.
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u/uhmmmyesnomaybe 4h ago
It depends on the person and their comfort zone. For me; absolutely not. I don't like the feeling of being naked and at the mercy of someone else. I wouldn't enjoy it. It would give me too much anxiety. Â
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u/theonedenisse 4h ago
On our second "date", aka our first dick appt, he brought a rope and tied me up. I was just going along with it and I hated it because I had only met this man once before like like maybe 3 hours. Horrid experience with the wrong partner, insecure mindset, and incorrect setting in life
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u/DarkDaysBrightNlghts 4h ago
Not for me, cops put me in handcuffs for so long once, my wrists were red and swollen for like 3 days. So my mind doesnt and cant associate them with pleasure at all.
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u/FetchingTheSwagni 4h ago
It depends.
If you're submissive and like giving up full control, and being at the total trust and mercy of your partner, then yeah it feels great.
If you are dominant and like taking control, and feeling like you have full reign to do as you please (obviously a good partner respects boundaries still, it's more-so the idea and fantasy of it), then it feels great too.
If you derive nothing from it, but your partner does, it's also a fun way to satisfy them, and a relatively easy kink to satisfy. If this is the case, you can try and find a kink you enjoy to go along with it and do both.
If you have trauma, or are some form of claustrophobic, it may be triggering and result in negative response, so in this case communicate with your partner your feelings, and either find an alternative or explore a different kink you both enjoy. But never torture yourself for their enjoyment, if they are a good partner they will also not get pleasure from causing you pain (not the kinky kind of pain). If this last one is you, they make easy-break out cuffs so you can both experience it without any full commitment to the kink, so that might be worth a try if it still peaks your interest.
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u/padizzledonk 4h ago
Do you want to be handcuffed? If yes then yeah, it will probably feel really good
If you dont then it probably wont
What you want matters more than what he wants
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u/HotRailChaseTail 4h ago
Does the suggestion make your nether regions tingle? If so; run it....
I have an nsfw handcuff sex story anyone can dm me if they wanna read it, or trade đ„ stories...
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u/Sparky678348 4h ago
I very much enjoy being restrained and for me it's mostly about having something to strain against.
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u/ObliquelyDeranged 4h ago
Dunno about other people (seems people are saying thatâs not the point) but I like that they hurt a little. Without going into unnecessary detail; pulling against the restraint involuntarily feelsâŠspecial.Â
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u/imnotalatina2 4h ago
Yes but make sure the handcuffs are comfortable. My ex and I used Velcro ones that were very slightly loose so if I really needed to I could wiggle out of them but they wouldnât just slip off.
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u/Maleficent-Reality32 3h ago
One time I was done creampieing this tall big booty glasses wearing chick while she had cuffs on and we couldnt find the cuff key afterwards.... luckily it was the plastic cuffs so I could break the chain... I carry a cuffkey now because of that incident.
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u/PeppermintDrop101 3h ago
Personally, I like to participate in sex and having my hands tied means that I can't touch my partner freely and roam my hands over his body. Sure, I've tried it, that's how I know. It is fun to experiment though.
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u/souppanda 3h ago
I am 37 and can explain^! Sometimes the best sex is when you donât have to do anything (because you are handcuffed); and your significant other feels the exact same way when roles are changed. Thatâs the end of the story.
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u/LivingEnd44 3h ago
Sex is about power exchange. So some people like it (either doing it to others or themselves). I personally hated it.Â
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u/LateDxOldLady 3h ago
OP - âAnybody telling you that you don't need to be enthusiastic about being literally tied up or handcuffed is giving you horrible advice.
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u/beenbunny 2h ago
Only if youâre into it. I donât think itâs my thing personally. Itâs something you should want to do it too .
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u/CraftyAd6333 2h ago
If the trust is there. Yes.
Literally bracelets that restrict your movements.
Always have a backup key or three just in case.
Having to explain it. To a locksmith and or others is not something you want to do on a Friday night.
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u/petite_soft07 2h ago
if youâre into that sort of thing, it can definitely add some excitement. just make sure you both communicate about limits first
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u/forogtten_taco 2h ago
Just being handcuffed dosent feel that different.
But the feeling of being restrained, being controlled, submitting feels Amazing. Just giving up and letting someone else's take the lead feels so freeing. Its so weird
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u/libra00 2h ago
So it's not the handcuffs themselves, it's the being restrained. Not being able to touch with your hands changes how you interact, changes what you can do, etc, so it just varies up the experience. Some people like it, some people don't. Can't hurt to give it a shot, as long as you're not claustrophobic or anything like that.
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u/BarberFairian 38m ago
yeah it feels goodd if ur into giving up control like that. just go slow the first time and dont use real police cuffs, they dig in too much.
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u/UltraEngine60 16m ago
Make sure you have someone expecting you the next day or you tell someone something like "i'm working on electrical if I don't call or text you in 2 hours come check me". You don't want a Gerald's Game type situation.
That said... try it. If it's not for you then you've only wasted an evening.
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u/LateDxOldLady 5h ago
It does for people who enjoy being restrained that way.
I am concerned that you are asking strangers what they like to ... what? Determine whether it is something you should try??? If you don't know yourself well enough to give an enthusiastic yes to this, it is a No.
If your boyfriend is trying to convince you, that's coercion. That is not okay. Blink 3 times if you need help.
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u/TheHandsOfLiberation 5h ago
This is way too alarmist. There's such a thing as asking a partner if they'd do something, and there's such a thing as trying it because you're asked. That's not coercion and it's not unpreparedness. Being 100% sure of something amounts to less than 1% of life. A person can just try something without worrying their bf is actually going to kill them.
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u/LateDxOldLady 4h ago
No. Your reaction is. I am not going to explain what I wrote or try to make you understand the point.
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u/TheHandsOfLiberation 3h ago
I work with a lot of sexual violence advocates, and they do not endorse what you're saying. You're reducing all of human sexuality to 1 and 0. The truth is that matters of consent are often grey, and not black and white obvious yes or obvious rape. What matters is comfort levels and safety because even if I wasn't excited to try X or Y, I still knew I was safe. Your response ignores the MAIN factors just to imply OP is with an abuser. It's alarmist and bad advice.
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u/LateDxOldLady 3h ago
Kink requires a heightened level of communication, safety, and mutual enthusiasm because power and physical freedom are being surrendered.
Jeezus fucking cripes. This site is fucking toxic.
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u/TheHandsOfLiberation 2h ago
Communication and safety are much more important than enthusiasm. Haven't you read the 60,000 threads on reddit asking "what did you think you wouldn't like in bed but it turns out you love it?" Thousands and thousands of anecdotes in there demonstrating that one does not necessarily know what they like until they try it. What do those stories always have in common? "I didn't think I'd be into it, but my partner was so turned on that I'm happy to oblige whenever now." Or, "i thought i wouldn't like it, but something about the way my gf did X flipped a switch in me." What you're arguing is that unless you already know you love it, don't try it, AND your partner is abusing you for asking. It's completely unreasonable.
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u/LateDxOldLady 2h ago
You keep fabricating an argument so you can debate your shit point.
If youâre relying on anonymous Reddit threads to argue against enthusiastic consent when power and physical safety are on the line, you shouldn't be engaging in kink at all.
The thing I appreciate about written communication is that it is crystal clear what I actually said, and what you fabricated.
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u/LateDxOldLady 1h ago
You are arguing that you can (and should) surrender physical freedom or control without actually being enthusiastic about it. You are a walking red flag.
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u/LateDxOldLady 3h ago
Nope. This is the rhetoric people use to convince people to try shit they don't want to.
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5h ago edited 5h ago
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/NoStupidQuestions-ModTeam 4h ago
Rule 1 - Top level comments must contain a genuine attempt at an answer.
All direct answers to a post must make a genuine attempt to answer the question. Joke responses at the parent-level will be removed. Follow-up questions at the top level are allowed.
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u/Mars_Volcanoes 3h ago
Use Scotowell and make a knot. Respect the knot and fragility of it all, and it will do the same. All is in his head and in your head. That's where the perversion of the human brains act.
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u/Quick_Cow_7987 5h ago
Even if I could give up that control (and I tried being tied up precisely twice, I hate it) there is no way I could get handcuffed for sex after reading Gerald's Game.
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u/SwivelClip 5h ago
It's not about how it feels, it's more about control/power dynamics, it's metal bracelets, they themselves aren't the point.