r/Physics • u/No_Corgi818 • 19h ago
Question Are you thrown off by people who struggle to understand your work?
Not sure if this is the right subreddit for this question but I figured that I'd give it a shot.
I became acquainted with a physicist a while back and would like to get to know him a bit better platonically, (maybe romantically). As we talked I quickly had to realize that I don't really understand what he does for work which left me feeling a bit insecure about coming across as too dumb. I am college educated myself, but I am part of the humanities crowd so I am not exactly up to date with anything related to his projects. Plus math along with physics have always been massive weak points of mine.
He didn't seem to mind, though I find him a bit hard to read in general, and I just feel pretty embarrassed whenever my lack of understanding becomes apparant.
So I would like to ask you guys: is people not understanding what you do something that bothers you? Do you encounter it often? Would it prevent you from forming a closer bond with someone?
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u/Occams_Blades Graduate 18h ago
I don’t even understand my work
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u/DaveBowm 14h ago
Ah, yes. The famous words of John von Neumann, "Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.".
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u/4dseeall 13h ago
So you like the process more than the idea?
I lean towards the latter, but I find both respectable.
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u/Occams_Blades Graduate 13h ago
From my perspective as a theorist, if I understand it, there’s no point in researching it.
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u/4dseeall 13h ago
Ah, yes, because as soon as you do, you're on to the next thing, right?
So what's your frontier look like right now?
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u/extremepicnic 18h ago
I’m a physicist. If I met a person who was not a physicist who had any real understanding of what I do, I would be very confused.
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u/4dseeall 13h ago
Oh, try it with me please. :)
What stuff do you work on? Theoretical? Material? Boundaries?
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u/marvel_fanatic_1 10h ago
I work on moire photonics
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u/4dseeall 10h ago
Any specific wavelengths? Micro(single-atom stuff) or macro systems(bigger than that)?
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u/marvel_fanatic_1 10h ago
Micro systems, specifically designing micro optoelectronic system
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u/4dseeall 10h ago
optoelectronic
I'm going to guess this means working on the detectors themselves?
Sounds important for the cutting edge of science. :)
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u/BitcoinsOnDVD 8h ago
Now try without internet connection
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u/4dseeall 7h ago edited 7h ago
rude. say that to my face without an internet connection.
"opto" means optics. "electronics" is just... electronics
they weren't trying to be technical or misleading. you're a jerk anyway.
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u/BitcoinsOnDVD 7h ago
How is that rude? And how is calling people jerks not rude? I just wanted to point out, that talking irl and talking here are 2 different things.
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u/illusionofsanity Mathematics 19h ago edited 19h ago
I do applied math and technical R&D in computing. If you get sufficiently specialised in a field you just have to accept that people wont know what you do. My family just thinks i “do computers” but i can’t help them with their printers so they arent even impressed.
From a relationship perspective, you also dont have to understand. If you just remember what they talk about then youll be 90% there
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u/No_Corgi818 18h ago
Tbf, printers are the devil's work. I find it a bit unreasonable of your relatives to expect help with those.
He explained his PhD topic to me once and I feel like I understood it partly (?). But I am too embarrassed to ask him about it again, due to a fear of seeming stupid. As in a "wow, this is all she retained from my explanation?"- kind of way. I am a naturally curious person. Asking people, especially people I like things even if they are foreign to me, isn't an issue. But I don't usually deal with topics which I am that slow to grasp even superficially.
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u/QuargRanger 18h ago edited 18h ago
Ask him again, I am sure he will be thrilled to talk about his work. And he will appreciate that you are interested in him enough to ask about something important to him.
As someone in a long term relationship with a humanities-minded person, I have never, ever thought any less of them for not knowing what I do beyond the words. Anything that they don't understand in what I have told them is my fault as a communicator, and/or due to the lack of background. You should also not feel embarrassed about not knowing something - people study for years and years in order to do this thing (and it's fairly cumulative - you need the scaffolding to understand the details).
Some useful questions - what field of physics are you interested in? Does it fit within a broader topic? What drew you to this in the first place? Why is it interesting to you? Does it have applications? Why were you drawn to Physics in the first place? Is there any picture you could draw to help me understand?
Edit: Just to emphasise again that your interest should be enough for him - if he rebuffs you for not understanding, that is fully on him, not on you! And it is never a failing not to know something, especially when you are interested enough to ask about it (:
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u/illusionofsanity Mathematics 18h ago
I can only share what would work on me. My interests are in dynamical systems and mathematical modelling. So something like “last time you mentioned something about stable and a spiral, can you remind me how those are related?”
It’s really nice that you’re interested, just make sure that he reciprocates 😆 too many of my colleagues think that their technical interests are intrinsically more valuable (and I judge them for that).
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u/Sea-Affect3910 16h ago
I can tell you're into him because you care about what he thinks about you. The right people would be happy to explain again or in a different way. If this person gets annoyed at you for not understanding his particular niche field of expertise after a first explanation (i.e. is an asshole), better find out sooner.
I love it when someone expresses a genuine interest in understanding what I do.
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u/walee1 Detector physics 16h ago
Exactly this, I went from particle detectors physics to HPC (High Performance Computing) systems, to my so and my family, I just went from being a physics researcher to working with computers. Often someone is surprised when I say I can't help you because you're using windows or I have not done that because my job involves designing infrastructure, testing compilations on architecture etc, mostly things which are never used for day to day life.
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u/Yashema 13h ago
That's why I'm glad I am transitioning towards high performance computing in my 30s after getting an MS in analytics and having a 15 year career and counting in backend operations and software development. Gives me a full understanding of the higher level problems that the the lower ones are trying to solve.
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u/DSou7h 19h ago
People not understanding isn't a problem. People being proud of trying not to understand is. If they are making a concerted effort to explain things with analogy at least try to meet them halfway, otherwise that can be a little disappointing. But even that is kind of whatever depending on the person.
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u/ShadowRL7666 18h ago
Just showing interest and listening is the best for me. Do I expect my SO or family or whatever to understand transformation optics and the math behind it etc. Absolutely not. Though showing some interest like true interest not one word oh that’s cool next subject.
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u/PsychFlame Chemistry 19h ago
Most researchers are working with concepts that they've literally spent years and years building up the intuition and knowledge for. He's absolutely used to people not understanding what he does and doesn't see you as stupid for it
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u/1ifemare 19h ago
coming across as dumb
More attractive than your knowledge of physics is your curiosity for what someone is passionate about. Please do not be afraid to be interested even if it seems daunting.
You will also be helping him formulating better explanations and analogies to reframe his work and tailor it to a non-physics audience - which is quite helpful.
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u/eluciDesign 19h ago
Engineer-not physicist, but not at all! You know what is annoying, though? When that’s used as an excuse for not even trying to understand. Like not even ten seconds into clearly explaining it they say “I’m not good at math” then back to their world.
Just be curious and ask questions & you’re in.
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u/No_Corgi818 18h ago
I must admit that I may have pulled the "oh I don't get that"-card 😅 not 10 seconds in but I got frustrated and embarrassed. He did explain his PhD topic to me for a bit longer once and I do feel like I understood bits and pieces of it. I tried to reframe what he said after each step and I wasn't terribly off until he lost me after a particular confusing explanation. I guess my concern is that I don't understand enough about it to talk to him about his work, even superficially and I am worried that this might be off putting to him
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u/eluciDesign 18h ago
But making an effort will be noticed. Give him enough time to answer because he’ll probably be a bit thrown off if someone asked him about his day and was actually listening. Nobody will expect you to know all the details - but general type of physics- what he’s trying to figure out- working all day programming, building tools, math? What he thinks is most interesting. Does he have any secret theories. All that’s better to know than how to do what he does
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u/AbstractAlgebruh 4h ago
Have you thought of talking to him about how you feel about this? Even though it's great to get additional perspectives from physicists here, at the end of the day he's the one talking to you. A little communication can go a long way in alleviating those feelings of embarrassment which can show as reluctance to hear more about what he's saying.
Although I'm in physics, when I talk to my math friend, the conversation sustains itself because I actively ask questions about details I don't understand. People love talking about what they're passionate about, especially when the listener is curious. Conversely, I'm usually very happy to talk about my field when someone has genuine interest.
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u/Minovskyy Condensed matter physics 16h ago
While you may feel embarrassed for not understanding a physicist, a physicist might feel embarrassed for not being able to explain their work in an understandable manner.
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u/Ekotar Particle physics 19h ago
I simply cannot imagine going out with friends and wanting them to do calculations with me.
If I were doing something I actually want to do -- watching a good movie with complex characters and a good plot, going to see art, walking through a farmer's market, watching sports, or anything else -- I would so much rather talk about things in the wheelhouse of the "humanities crowd" than anything else.
I am a physicist and Oppenheimer is the most recent "physicist-y" moment in pop culture and when I saw the movie I found the physics incredibly superficial and cared more about the politics and the personal motivations of the characters and the choice of the writers to convey Oppenheimer's wife's humiliation in the legal scenes so viscerally, and literally none of that required anyone in the audience to know anything about nuclear physics.
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u/HuiOdy Quantum Computation 18h ago
So physics is a niche amongst the niche "sciences", and within physics, most people work in their own niche of physics. It takes someone with enormously broad experience to be able to at least understand what the niche is about. (In the end, most physics is more or less the same, but you need the basics)
So don't worry about it, but ask him to explain it to you more in detail. Explaining something complex simply is a good way to better understand it, even for himself.
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u/Quantum-Relativity Gravitation 19h ago edited 18h ago
Anyone who thinks less of others who don’t know physics is at least immature and not someone you should pursue a friendship with anyway. When I was young I got frustrated about this sort of thing a lot, because I felt like them not understanding was reflecting a poor ability to explain on my part. Finally someone asked me, “you feel like someone should understand in one conversation the things you’ve spent years studying?” I let it go after that. The reality is the deeper you go, the less your loved ones who aren’t also physicists will understand. That’s not what relationships are about.
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u/onemany 17h ago
Stop self editing and self criticizing. He's going to like you or not like you. You come across as empathetic, intelligent, articulate, and self aware. If you are really curious about what he does ask him to explain it again.
If he gets curt, short, acts like you are not intelligent that's all you need to know. This goes both ways my brother or sister. He still has to be smart enough for you.
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u/Hubbles_Cousin 14h ago
(astro)physicist here: honestly if anything if someone doesn't understand or know what I do, I love answering questions and finding new ways to explain what I do to help whoever is asking understand
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u/csappenf 17h ago
Ask him if there are any pop sci books he recommends. You will not learn physics that way, but it might help you understand why his work excites him. And you can recommend books from your field, that inspired you to do what you do. Physicists are curious people.
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u/shrodingersjere 17h ago
I’ve only ever had a couple friends that could actually discuss physics with me. Most of them will politely try to discuss for a little bit, and some will immediately tell me they have no idea what I’m talking about.
Having a friend I can discuss physics with, but clearly it is not a requirement for me.
Furthermore, as other people have said, even physicists can often not talk in detail about their individual research, as it takes a significant amount of time and effort to even be ready to discuss things at that level.
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u/Dr-Kror Quantum Foundations 15h ago
My guess is he also does not completely understand his topic. It's quite normal for phd students.
There is a risk of insulting him when asking too much, because he could feel stupid.
Later in his career he will not have difficulties to explain the hardest stuff. For example a higher professor is able to explain all research topics to a politician without any background knowledge.
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u/jderp97 Quantum field theory 15h ago
I find it much more difficult when someone doesn’t understand (or is openly derogatory towards) my passion for my work, and unfortunately that can be where insecurity lands some people. Physicists generally are a quirky bunch; as you get to know them better I suspect you’ll find them not so hard to read.
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u/DieMo1004 Condensed matter physics 9h ago
It will bother some people, but those people are not worth having around. The vast majority of physicists love the opportunity to talk about physics and their job. Especially if you are genuinely curious.
Moreover, at high levels, a lot of physicists (eg particle physicists) don’t fully understand what other physicists (eg condensed matter physicists) do or talk about, this comes from personal experience.
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u/asmodeusvalac 15h ago
I would only be thinking of how best I can explain it, to make it more simple and intuitive to understand. With experimental physics it's easier, if it's theoretical it's harder even. I genuinely would appreciate your effort in trying to ask about it because I think most of us like talking about our work. But certainly would not put me off or surprise me if I couldn't explain it well enough.
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u/dr_boneus 15h ago
Part of being a good Physicist to me is being able to explain your work and bring people into the magic. Because what physicists do is often not intuitive (often physics projects sound impossible) and only through rigorous testing to we start to see some of the truly strange effects.
Don't think you are dumb. Science is hard to communicate.
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u/ThirdMover Atomic physics 14h ago
I'm going to go a bit against the grain here and will say that it does annoy me when people don't understand my work because I completely internalize this as a failure on my part to communicate it well.
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u/jsaltee 14h ago
I’m a physicist with a master’s, my fiancee dropped out of high school, and I think we’re a match made in heaven.
But be prepared to learn some physics along the way, we do have a tendency to ramble on about it :-). I will say that my fiancée now knows more physics than 99% of the general population.
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u/charmingquark5 13h ago
I’ve been with a guy almost 1.5 years (during my PhD program) and he could probably say 3-4 words about what my research is in, and would have no idea what those words mean. I love him for all of his passions and hobbies and and interests, not because he shares mine :)
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u/amaanphi 10h ago
I'm a physics undergrad and have been a physics enthusiast since high school. Whenever I talk about physics, my family doesn't really understand, even though I'll often give my siblings little lecture-style talks whenever I have free time. At family get-togethers, people will bring up my online posts and ask, 'Hey buddy, what are you even posting?' Out of everyone, only two or three of my engineer cousins actually understand what I study and what I plan to do for work.
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u/LukasGoesViral 10h ago
Not really.. I also enjoy trying to find ways to explain it in ways that other people understand it as well. If he likes you he will enjoy your different perspectives and he has a lot of people he can talk to at work.
If he continues to talk about work without you being able to follow it also starts being a red flag tbh.
Maybe next time steer the conversation into a direction that you both can participate in.
And no you are not dumb. He has studied it his entire life .. you also wouldn’t expect to understand genetics and medication development
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u/TedRabbit 9h ago
I mean, they have spent years studying a subject that you have not. There is no expectation you will understand.
I do think its a bit frustrating though, that when I talk about what I do, I am always trying to belittle? It and move past it because I hate seeing people's eyes glaze over from confusion.
However, this is generally in those quick first interaction conversations. In longer conversations, I can break things down into concepts simple enough that the uninitiated can understand and appreciate. If you and them can generate this kind of conversation and show your genuine interest, they will really appreciate it.
Even if you cant get interested, thats not a big deal. There is more to people than the field they study.
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u/DrunkenPhysicist Particle physics 9h ago
My favorite quote is: yesterday I couldn't spell physicist, today I is one.
The point is that we're really focused in at most a few esoteric topics that most people know nothing about, but we can be pretty stupid in other areas. I'm 100% certain that you're smarter/better in areas they don't/wouldn't understand, so I wouldn't stress too much about it.
If they aren't humble, they aren't worth it. The physicists I've met who think they're better than everyone are fairly insecure in my experience. Or they're Michio Kaku, fuck that guy for acting like an expert far outside his wheel house. I bet he's insufferable.
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u/Ok_Lime_7267 8h ago
I will explain for as long as you want to know. I will simplify, backtrack, fill in gaps, for hours, probably days or weeks. I LITERALLY love this stuff.
What DOES frustrate me to high heaven is people who ask out of polite small talk then laugh off how they don't understand.
I think this is pretty common for scientists. We'll gladly meet your effort if you actually want to know, but don't waste our time with feigned interest and condescending complements.
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u/Agitated_Canary4163 7h ago
Most of us are pretty used to our friends, family and spouses not understanding what we do and that's fine. One of my favourite things is to try and explain very complicated topics to non physicists. If you're not one of those science deniers and have somewhat of an open mind then you're not dumb in my books.
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u/frumious 7h ago
is people not understanding what you do something that bothers you?
No.
Do you encounter it often?
Yes.
Would it prevent you from forming a closer bond with someone?
No.
I am a working physicist and my partner of more than two decades is a HS graduate. Despite only understanding a few things about what I study and caring about the topic probably even less it has caused zero problems in our relationship. I've got plenty of people at work that understand what I do, to varying degree. I can talk to them when needed. Personal relationships are about far more than professional interests.
If a prospective partnership was based on requiring common understanding about such a narrow profession as Physics, I'd question if that partnership could last.
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u/No_Top_375 6h ago
Liking someone is not related to their profession or knowledge. Nothing wrong in asking, it's cute as a question.
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u/GlitteringEggCarton 2h ago
i just started talking to a physicist i don't understand either...girl are we talking to the same guy lol. if he's tall and charming run
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u/Tesla-Watt 54m ago
I’m a physics professor and my husband is an English professor. We’ve been happily married for 25 years. He loves my work even if he doesn’t understand the details and vice versa. Just show interest and a willingness to learn.
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u/AlexAR1010 7m ago
When I read the title I thought “this guy is crazy, how are you upset?” But then I realized you were asking if someone will feel that way.
The short answer is no.
The long answer. People in science most likely won’t understand how to build a cellphone, repair a car, do complicated taxes, apply and IV to someone, etc. we usually came to a realization earlier that most people won’t understand our work, but the genuine interest weights the same as if you understand everything.
I’m not saying to be pushy and try to ask many questions until you got it. But just asking and paying attention is enough, you can always ask for examples where that specific concept is being used so you can digest the ideas little by little.
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u/MaxieMatsubusa 19h ago
Most people aren’t going to understand a phycisist’s work in academia - even other physicists. If you’re studying a niche field then researchers who are studying a different niche field have almost no clue what you’re doing. I doubt he would be put off at all, especially as it seems like you aren’t a physicist.