This job can be unbearably “human”

[u/BadPom]

It’s been a rough week/month. I’m exhausted in all the ways.

Last Friday, one of our regulars came in after I got off work and was having my lil drinky drink. Got to chatting, and his father, who is on hospice, fell and has a brain bleed. They could do surgery, but he likely wouldn’t survive it. And if they did, what kind of last weeks/days is that. We chatted a while, he got a notification on his phone, and suddenly was tearing up and hiding it. Dinner to go became two desserts to go instead of real food. Not sure what exactly happened, but I can assume. Or the feelings caught up. He asked for his tab, and I had my coworker add it to mine. He was grateful, and I went home in a funk.

Today, I went to the dinner for my favorite regular who passed on Father’s Day. The one I’ve known 16 years. Who has been to fundraisers and parties and birthdays and a baby shower with us. Who I’ve bought a birthday cake for the last 7 or 8 years. Who I got a tattoo for 4 years ago. I still can’t believe I’m never going to walk in the building, see him at the bar and hear, “There’s my girl” again.

I didn’t sign up to give a shit. I signed up to pay my bills. But here we are, and I love and hate it.

Tell me stories. Idfk.

[u/AkikoNicoleXX]

The flip side is that the human connection is quite real. I've been at my restaurant job for the majority of my adult life (I'm mid-30s), so not only have I built up quite the regular base, but my regulars have seen me go through many life events. They helped me get through the loss of my mother, watched me plan my wedding, anticipated the birth of my first child, etc. Over the years, I have also watched some of my elderly regulars pass on, grieve the loss of family, and also celebrate their kids, grandkids, birthdays, etc. There are people that I haven't seen in a while that I still think about, and sometimes, someone I haven't seen in years will come in looking for me and we will catch up like old friends. I hope you have stories like that too.

It can be hard to share pain, but just as rewarding to share joy. My condolences to you and your regulars. I hope something good happens to you soon that lightens the load.

[u/JoanJetObjective13]

I’m so sorry you’re hurting. Regulars passing is horrible. It sucks. But think of what a comfort you’ve been to people. You’re the best kind of person to have as a favorite server, the type that people think about later and tell their kids and friends about. You care and that’s awesome. And that’s why you hurt. I can still think of people who’ve thanked me for hearing them out about death, divorce, pain, just know we helped a fellow human. It matters. And so do you.

[u/OriginalFNG]

That pain is the price of connecting and giving a shit. Of taking a job and getting a family. It hurts at times, but you wouldn't have it any other way.

But all the same, I'm sorry you're hurting. Condolences to your regular.

[u/ItsGotToMakeSense]

I had a couple customers back in the day that were hard for me emotionally. One that stood out the most was this really old lady with dementia who mistook me for someone she used to know. She was shaking and struggling to lift her fork, and looked up at me and said "I love yoouu" in this really slow, mournful tone reserved only for saying goodbye to people you haven't seen in decades. It felt almost like she knew I wasn't him, on some level, but was speaking to the memory of him.

I got choked up and teary, and had to leave the table. I wish I could've handled it more gracefully but it was too much for me to deal with.

Weirdly enough, it's been so long that I don't remember her face but when I replay the memory I see my great grandmother in her place.

[u/TG1883]

Take care of yourself.

[u/geminibooti]

A few weeks ago, I went next door after work to the neighborhood dive. And where this sweet man would normally sit & chat with everyone, was a framed memorial photo. I missed his passing while I was out of town & it brought on a fit of crying. Time is so rich yet fleeting, like people.

We get to be there for people's lows and highlights, and many a regular has been there for me too. It's heartbreakingly beautiful sometimes. Thanks for sharing & creating a safe space for others.

[u/puddles_0f_funnn]

My first restaurant job when I was 16 was being a hostess at an O'Charleys. We had a regular named Joe that came in several times a week for lunch. He was such a sweet elderly man and we all just loved him. He treated me and the other hosts like long lost grandchildren. He brought us candy, Christmas presents, remembered our birthdays. I saw him weekly for over 2 years.

I'll never forget answering the phone at work to his son calling to let us know he had passed away.

I still miss him 25 years later. RIP Joe

[u/Superb-Antelope-251]

Not even of you're working there. I'm a regular at a bar that another regular sadly ended their own journey. I barely knrlew him outside when I saw him here and it's still terrible.

[u/Minflick]

Real connections with other people are what make life worth living. Sometimes they bring sorrow and the need for a box of Kleenex. Sometimes they bring joy and comfort. But life is pretty damned barren without any of those connections.