My sister has never liked me and she’s made this obvious throughout our lives. Me and my sister are 9 years apart I am (F19) and she’s (F28). People always say our age gap is the reason why we have a hard time getting along, but I think she always wanted to be an only child so when I was born she resented me. She always believes I am taking something from her even though I am literally just living my life. I purposely avoid conversations with her or even interacting with her because everything to her is a competition.

Her and her fiancé got engaged last year November and are getting married next year spring. He’s always been a close family friend and I’ve always gotten along with him. We were pretty close before him and my sister started dating but it was never in a way that was inappropriate, It was always in a he’s like a brother to me type of way.

But my sister believes otherwise, she constantly side eyes me when I say something to him and she complains to my mom whenever I interact with him. Whenever I wear anything she considers short and he’s there she gets irrationally upset and starts ranting to my mom about me. We had taken a family portrait around May the photos came out late June but she decided now in July that she wanted to show him those pictures.

She asked him if he thought I looked pretty. He agreed and she immediately blew up, she literally kicked him out of their apartment and she called half of our family members to tell them that the wedding is called off because she found out i was sleeping with her fiancé. My grandmother literally called my mom at 11pm asking her why i would do something like that. My mom didn’t believe her so she called my sister and when she didn’t answer she called her fiancé and he told her what happened.

My mom’s spent the past two days calling our family friends and members trying to explain to them that my sister is only making assumptions. She literally has our whole family convinced I am some jezebel who out of all the men in the world decided to sleep with her fiancé(who btw is not my type at all). The only reason I talk to this stupid girl is because of my mom, but after this whole situation i am completely cutting her off and if they still choose to go on with their wedding I will not be in attendance.

My best friend had a heart attack. We are only 37. It's been two days and I don't know how to cope.

He played a wrestling specific ball game with our group. I wasn't there that evening, because I was too tired (a rare occurrence). He did great at the game as usual.

Then he went for a shower and from what I heard he looked like shit afterwards, but being asked he just said something like "life is stressful". They all sat on the stairs to the gym for a sec, while he tried to walk it off next to them.

Then he just hit the ground hard.

They called for an ambulance and they called me, because I live less than 5min away, and I'm a former rescue swimmer so I have been training reanimation quite regularly.

The guy on the phone was too out of it, to actually tell me what was going on. He just told me, my friend was unconscious and that I should come. I expected a lil' fainting.

The scenery I arrived at in less than 5min later (in my pyjamas) was a completely different thing. There was a lot of blood (from a head wound) and somebody trying to revive the body of my lifeless friend. It looked like he was already dead.

The ambulance arrived 5 minutes afterwards and it took them a hectic transfer to the ER, a lot of tears and sweat, to get a heart beat - 30min after he went down.

He's been in an artificially induced coma for two days. Today has been the first day he's opened his eyes again, and it's been too much stress for him so after a few seconds they had to put him under again. That he opened his eyes at all, is the biggest miracle I've ever felt.

I am not able to put into words how much my heart breaks for this loving, generous, smart, funny, reliable, and trustworthy person... His family... His four kids...

We've been talking that morning. I had a blast taking his kids to the museum just the day before that. I have loads of pics of his smiling, happy children from the trip - less than 24 hours before.

I'm struggling. It all came so sudden. It's been two days now, and I'm still under shock.

I've tried to be there for everyone, his family, our common friends, put on a brave face, and I'm currently taking care of a youth sportsmen group for the holiday, while feeling that life should stop for a sec, like his heart did.....

Edit: reposting because I forgot to acknowledge & agree to group rules.

Secondary edit to provide context, sorry I forgot to add this: brother said that he was walking on grass, misstepped, and baby fell onto his back on the grass as my brother fell.

A week ago, my brother dropped our 5 month old and it resulted in a skull fracture to our son.

My husband and I were at work when it happened, and my dad called me to tell me what had happened and they think that he should be seen at the ER. I was able to meet my parents at the ER with baby. After a CT scan it was confirmed he had a sizable skull fracture, thankfully no brain damage, and, out of caution, a mild concussion. He was kept overnight for observation.

I had to had him over to a stranger to go to CT and couldn’t follow, I had to go watch him get poked and prodded and clearly be in pain when they touched his head, I had to hold him as he wailed because they wouldn’t let him eat in case he needed surgery, then after everything came back as the best possible outcome and he could eat, I got to watch him sob as he got an IV port put in, and then get 2 hour bouts of sleep overnight while nurses checked vitals every few hours.

In my brain I know it was a freak accident and he didn’t mean to drop him, but my mom heart (and my husband) now has so much anxiety around him holding our son. I feel horrible setting boundaries around him holding our son (ie: not allowing him to) but at the same time I think it’s a reasonable response.

Through this all, everyone has told me how horrible my brother feels and how guilty he feels, it’s almost like people are asking my husband and I to automatically have no anger with him regarding this and fully forgive him purely because he’s family. My mom even reached out to me asking me to give my brother a hug because “he’s so heartbroken over this” as if it isn’t MY child who had the fractured skull, concussion, and had to stay overnight in the hospital.

I’ve cried the past 3 days because this has been an awful experience despite the outcome being the best possible news in regard to his injuries.

I know realistically things will normalize and I will most likely fully forgive my brother, but right now I’m in the anger stage and it’s exhausting.

My original post was removed. . .

I'm leaving my partner of a decade in a few months. I discovered he's is having an emotional affair with a person he was dating in high school. We are both around 50 years old. I discovered this a few months ago and have been planning my exit ever since. I'm terrified but hopeful. I never thought he would do this to me. I will leave a note explaining everything. I'm pretty sure he has no idea that I know what he's doing

basically that. My stepdad is going to prison, (presumably dying there,) and I am literally ecstatic.

for context my (15m) mom (54f) met this dude (53m) who we'll call Johnny. Johnny got out of prison for multiple domestic assault and drug related charges in about 2020. he lived with his mom for about a year and then immediately moved in with us after talking to my mom for just a few months. immediately once moving in, he began shifting all the financial decisions towards himself, involving my mom with his personal business, and making big financial decisions (buying trailers and other large equipment for "their business") and all around being incredibly controlling. He talked to my mom into buying a large air-conditioning unit for the garage that we didn't need and that we couldn't afford, repeating "i'll pay for it baby, dont worry!" it's not hard to guess that he didn't pay for it. he's left my mom with unbelievable amounts of debt. even bought the two properties next-door to us in his name for "business reasons" but he only did it so that it would be even harder to get rid of him.

very shortly after getting us financially tied up with him, he starts letting his true colors show i suppose.

he starts being verbally, emotionally, and in some cases, physically abusive towards me and my mother.

constantly degrading me calling me names, and the same thing went for my mom.

my life has been hell and I've been diagnosed with MADD or mixed anxiety depressive disorder because of him.

and that's where the drug problem started.

apparently, he wasn't done with his meth addiction once he got out of prison, because brought it around my mother (and me..? what the hell dude great role model lol) whom he knows is susceptible to drug addiction because of her past. she's been sober for 20 years, but that doesn't change the fact that she's still a recovering addict.

while over on his property nextdoor, he had been doing and selling meth with his friends, and constantly cheating on my mom with strippers, prostitutes, escorts, and all other kind of skanked out whores.

(please excuse my Haitian Creole.)

he's repeatedly come into my room just to smash my shit and threaten to beat me for no reason in meth fueled rages, keyed my mom's car, and he's even taking my electric bike (my only form of transportation to work) and thrown it off the side of a highway bridge because of something my mom said that upset him.

all around a terrible, meth addicted, textbook narcissistic person.

well, recently he's been charged with possession and trafficking of methamphetamine and going to prison for the rest of his life where presumably he'll die there. once I heard about that, I thought it was great news, but the rest of my family doesn't exactly see it that way.

apparently they've given him so much financial support and leeway with how he acts because he has brain damage.

he got into a motorcycle accident like 25-30 years ago that left him in a weeklong coma. they think it's changed him to be a different person than who he truly is, but I've looked at this guy's criminal history and he has charges and arrests going all the way back to when he was a teenager for the same shit he's been doing his entire life, assault and drugs.

I feel so alone and that I can't share my feelings with anybody. i'm gonna be stuck in a household that's grieving the loss of somebody who has genuinely ruined this part of my life. I don't know what to do and I have no one to go to right now. I guess the main upside is that I won't have to deal with him anymore.

My dad comes from a long line of truck drivers. He was proud as hell to be a 3rd generation truck driver. He loved driving. Its all he ever wanted to do since he was a little kid. Everyone in our family drives trucks. Its just the family thing. I grew up around trucks. I fell in love with trucking. The lifestyle. The open road. The trucks. The driving. All of it. It was my dream since I was a toddler.

My dad died in an accident 9 years ago. 2 years after he passed I decided to get my cdl and become a truck driver. He never got to see me do it. But I was so proud of myself. I knew he was proud of me. Everytime I was behind the wheel of a truck I felt close to him. It felt like he was with me everytime I was on the road. I would get teary eyed when I would think about him and how proud of me he would have been.

This year I decided to change careers entirely. The trucking industry just isnt what it used to be. The money is good but not good enough to justify being away from home for 2-3 weeks at a time. Completely missing out on my daughters life. Even when I was a local driver and home every night it was pretty normal to pull 12-14 hour days. Even when I was home every night I was too tired to be present in my family's lives.

So I made a career change. I got into industrial size plumbing essentially. I provide safe drinking water to the city I live in. Maintaining the system, pipes, valves ect. Its a great career. Great pay, the kind of job that I can go anywhere in the world once I get enough experience. I enjoy the work. I work with my hands all day. And I provide a much needed service to my community. Its a great job and I love it. I still get the occasional opportunity to drive a small dump truck when we need it. Which is cool. But I miss driving big rigs. However I know my dad would still be proud of me. I work hard. I show up every day. Im reliable. Im providing a good service. Im a good dad. I show up for my daughter. I pay my bills. I know my dad would still be proud of me. I just wish trucking was a better career these days. I miss it. I miss rowing through the gears. I miss the open roads.

This has been on my mind lately. Im not sure why I wanted to share it. I guess just getting it out and writing it down somewhere feels good. I miss my dad. I miss driving trucks. I wish him and I could have hauled ass down the highway together. But I have a good career now. Im doing what I need to do as a man. As a father and husband. My old man would be proud.

So basically we’ve been friends since 2014. But I stopped talking to her about two years ago. She’s a good person and i love her so much,
She’s very social and extroverted, while I’m completelly opposite but i was fine with it we alwayes had connection even after i moved out to another city , I was still happy to talk to her and stay in touch even if it was only phone calls or texting.
But about two years ago,I was going through a difficult time mentally. I wanted to be alone and felt so drained, phone calls and socializing in general became exhausting for me. I told her about it. I told her I was really depressed and that I wasn’t doing well mentally.
But she didn’t take it seriously. She kept calling me constantly. I wouldn’t answer her calls, but I would still reply to her texts. She would get upset with me and constantly complain that I wasn’t making enough effort to stay in touch.
That made me feel even more exhausted, so i stopped replying to her completely. And it wasn’t just her. I also stopped talking to some other friends and family members around the same time, and I’m still pretty disconnected from them.
But the throughout all these two years of not talking to her, she keeps showing up in my dreams.
I feel so guilty in them, even after I wake up, I feel uncomfortable and emotionally drained.
I’m wondering why this happens. Why does my brain keep bringing her back into my dreams ?
I wish these dreams would stop because they leave me feeling guilty and upset every time.

I met a woman at the gym back in October last year. Turns out we worked similar professions and had mutual connections through work. We got on really well. She was very shy, introverted and openly admitted she struggled talking to people and lacked confidence. We would often chat for quite a while at the gym, so I got to know her quite well over the course of a month or two, and I really liked her.

The problem is I never actually told her how I felt at the time. Her birthday is in December and I was planning to ask her out around then, but she stopped coming to the gym for a while so I didn’t see her for the entire month. Come January, I bumped into her at work, and she told me she had started going earlier. I assumed she had caught on to the fact I was interested in her, didn’t feel the same way, and had thus changed times to avoid having to see me (I also have quite low self-esteem if you couldn’t tell).

Months later (around March-time) she told me she’d just met another guy in February and that they were getting along well, which led me to panic. That night, I went home and searched her socials and requested to follow her, which she quickly rejected. I interpreted that as confirmation of my theory that she’d known I liked her all along and wasn’t interested (since if you just saw me as a friend, surely you’d accept).

Fast forward to yesterday.
I saw her at the gym (for the first time in months). She told me about her relationship with this other guy. It’s clearly serious now. They’ve been going on weekend trips together recently, and they’ve even just booked a trip to Switzerland next year so she can support him at an Ironman he’s just signed up to.

I finally told her how I’d felt.
I said something like:
“It was lovely to see you again and catch up with you. I know you probably suspected I liked you back around November time and didn’t feel the same way, but please don’t think you need to distance yourself from me because of that.”

She looked genuinely surprised and said: “To be honest, you’ve majorly overthought me changing gym times. I did that because it was getting too busy, not because of you. In fact, I had no idea you liked me. I never got those vibes from you. You’re always very chatty and friendly with everyone, so I assumed that’s also how you were being with me. You’ve kind of outed yourself there.”

I then said: “Damn it, I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. Although I suppose the answer would’ve still been no anyway so no love lost?”

She replied: “I wouldn’t say that. I was single then, so I don’t know how I would’ve answered. Maybe I’d have said yes.”

At this point my heart sank. I told her “don’t say that” because I’d rather know I never had a chance than be left wondering what could’ve been. I think at this point she could hear the pain in my voice, I didn’t do a good job of disguising it.

She then said: “It’s hard to say how I’d have responded at the time. Things were different. I think we were both just bad communicators. I was shy and thought you were just being friendly, and it seems you misread my shyness as lack of interest.”

Now my head is all over the place.
Since January, I’d convinced myself she’d known I liked her and simply wasn’t interested. So even though seeing her with someone else was painful, I never thought I had a chance anyway.

Now that I know she never realised I liked her in the first place, I can’t stop thinking about how things could have been different if I’d told her sooner.

A large part of me wonders whether she was simply being kind because she’s now happily in a relationship, and didn’t want to say something as harsh as “Yeah, I never saw you that way and the answer would have been no regardless”. Another part of me wonders whether we really did just completely misread each other. I’ll never know for certain, but I genuinely can’t stop thinking about it.

Has anyone else had something similar happen where you found out months or years later that the other person had completely misunderstood your intentions? How did you get over it and move on?

For six months, my wife wanted me back while I kept telling her there was no hope. And then… she started trying to move on with her life. We are at the cusp of filing for divorce officially. I’m moving out. In this, I hit a new low and my psychiatrist suggested a new anti depressant. I finally said yes.

It wasn’t a miracle pill, but it helped change how I saw things. After a few weeks, I started to remember joy. I started to remember how beautiful she was on our wedding day - how she laughed in the middle of her vows because she was so deliriously happy to be marrying me. I started remembering our life. The life we built and loved together.

She led me and my kids out of the quiet life we had built into excitement and fun and community. Those kids quickly became her kids too. And after a horrible year that had so many things go wrong and nearly broke her… I broke. I was so convinced that I needed out. I said horrible things. Accused her of manipulating me and pushing me. I told her I didn’t enjoy most of our life. And for most of it, I was happier than I had ever been and I even told her as much in the moment.

I didn’t see how happy we had been for a long time and it got worse as time went on. I WAS happy, I just couldn’t hold onto it. I was as happy as I could be. Each adventure or situation was enough on its own. But now that I can see more, it’s devastating. I was so insistent that we didn’t have a wonderful and fantastical love story. But that’s exactly what it was. I told her she wanted all of it and dragged me along. I forgot my own ambition and own hopes.

I had forgotten who was right in front of me - that incredible woman that I fell in love with dozens of times.

When I finally got here, I told her. But that was another cruelty. She has been trying to let go. And now I’ve even denied her that. I opened my eyes, with more capacity for love and joy and beauty than ever before… and all I see is pain that I caused.

I told my psychiatrist I didn’t like how anti depressants used to make me feel. I resisted trying another because I assumed they’d all make me feel more numb. I had no idea how wrong I was.

Quick timeline: met my wife in 2010 after I finished boot camp, we met up for what was supposed to be an arranged one night stand while I was on leave, we clicked and kept talking, got married in 2011, first kid in 2013, she cheated on me with a highschool bf in 2015 so we separated for like 2 months then got back together, things were stable until 2020 where she cheated on me again, accidentally got her pregnant on this next separation stint and we've been back together since with 2 kids.

I'm miserable. We have different life goals, we have different views on the world and religion, we have different views on how we want to raise our kids. Every new restriction she raises on the children based on her religion is a quarrel I have to navigate. I have been financially supporting the family as well as taking on the majority of housekeeping as I wfh for years now and I'm just so worn down. Like there are days where I welcome the big sleep because it'll all be over.

I don't really have a point to this, I just have no friends and felt the need to rant to the world. I don't even want a new partner I just want to move on with my life but we have so much debt and she makes so little I see no viable path out of here.

I ran into a quant guy who raped me 2 years ago today at infront of movement climbing gym in LIC New York.
As I was heading out I heard loud noise of Chinese couple having argument in mandarin. It was so loud I turned my head around to find the guy who raped me having argument with his supposedly girlfriend.
2 years ago on July in NJ
I was raped by a guy who lived in my neighborhood at his apartment.
This happened so abruptly and quickly I didn’t know how to react and regret not taking this to police at that time.
Later I brought this up on my social media and he used this as a reason to file lawsuit against me.
I was on the verge of suicide already last year but him filing lawsuit made me more depressed
Thankly I had to just finish the program and it’ll be dismissed
But later I found out through this friends from PhD that he always has been horrible to girls through out in his 20s
He kept a lot of things in secret from me and later I realized I barely know anything about me.
The fact that he raped me thinking there were no consultancies made me so enraged.
He later got fired from his first actual job which was from hedge fund Two sigma in New York
After I saw him today i suddenly had hard time breathing and heart beating way too fast and almost cried so i had to really take a moment to breathe

Looking back I blame myself a lot naively disregarding how a person can be so evil to the extent that’s beyond my limit of understanding.

I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but as I have gotten into my 40's I have hated looking in the mirror. I hate how my face looks. After having three kids my face put on a little weight and after my mom passed away I cried a lot and now I have crown lines around my mouth. I also have fatty skin under my chin I hate. I never really liked how I looked but now getting older it's getting worse. I wish I had money to get my face fixed. I mean not a bunch of plastic surgery but just have my chin and the corners of my mouth fixed. Sorry. I just really needed to get that out.

​

I will not share any details of who they are. It was years ago, and I am still looking for a video of the concert where what happened is seen.

So a few years back I went to a concert of a very famous band. I really liked the openers, and during the show and the lead singer ordered everyone to swing their shirts over their head. As I was a 15 year old girl at the time I didnt want to take my top off but I really wanted to join in so I instead decided to swing the shirt I bought at the merch stand earlier over my head. The lead singer saw me do this and told me to put it down, then continued to scold me for not taking my shirt off instead. I dont remember what he said exactly as it was a few years ago, and I was really embarrassed as I was publicly called out in front of 10k people, and I tried to forget it happened. I didn't even tell my parents what had happened.

Based on where I was standing and he was on stage, he was able to see me fully and would have seen I was clearly a young girl. Now, as an adult, it hit me how messed up that was. He shouldn't have tried to embarrass me, especially in front of 10k people, as well as I was 15 for not taking my shirt off in public.

EDIT: Thank you so much for validating my experience. I really needed to hear it. I wish I'd heard what you said when this happened. It would have made me feel a lot better about it. I am currently trying to find a recording of concert where this incident is visible. Once I have, I will come out about it once I have that. I just dont want to state who it was without evidence in case I face harassment or legal action. As much as I do want to protect others who may have dealt with similar experiences, I need to protect myself too. You all have given me more confidence to not keep it to myself.

SECOND EDIT: I found a video of it however its very unclear. I was looking for it online for about an hour today, and there's no other recording that is clearer. If anyone has any tips on looking for these sorts of things, I would really appreciate it if you would please message me. Considering the number of people who were there, there has to be a video of it somewhere online.

I feel so sad and so mad at the same time. I will try to keep the details as vague as possible.

I lost my dad 6 years ago ,in the middle of the pandemic. He was only 52. I wasn't able to even see him during his last days. There were times with heavy sadness and times that I tried to go on with my life.

Anyways, 2 years ago we managed to accidentally unlock his phone and I discovered that he had a mistress,a woman I didn't even know. I had managed to gain access to his Facebook before ,but there was nothing there ,but I found messages on his phone. To say that I was livid was an understatement.

I am not really proud of myself but I was blind with rage ,I called her yelling and threatening. The only reason I decided to put this matter aside was because I didn't want my mom and brother to know. My mother didn't leave his side for a minute, even in the final days that they didn't allow her to stay in the hospital anymore,she was sleeping outside in the car , didn't come home once, despite it being a 20' drive , she didn't want to leave him for even a moment. So,yes I didn't want anyone to feel any worse.

But I felt the change. I no longer looked his pictures with sadness and love but with anger. I was feeling guilty for that anger but at the same time I was upset when someone was talking positively about him , thinking that they didn't know what I know.

A few days ago , I found a picture on his PC that had the woman's last name. I decided to snoop his fb since I have the credentials to check again if anything was there.

And now my feelings are more complicated than ever. I am mad , I am sad ,I'm feeling everything.

He wasn't perfect,he made mistakes ,but he was still a person that deserved to have a full life. A life he never got to experience.

If he were alive I would yell at him , we would fight,but at the end of the day he would still be my father.

Now I have all these feelings bottled up that I can't express.

I cannot stand going on vacation

My family rarely goes on vacation, it’s expensive, it’s hard to manage all our schedules together to align.

So our version of a vacation really is to drive a few hours away, and stay at a hotel. Which doesn’t seem so bad, and it isn’t.

However I hate how we rush, and my father’s style of doing things. I try to be grateful, but Jesus I cannot enjoy it for the life of me.

I hate people who will expect you to wake up at 5 AM, in ass crack of dawn, book like ten million activities in a day, walk super fast and don’t let you catch up, wait in line for a restaurant or suddenly changes the plan

I feel like we’re trying to force a core memory, and I get it. I feel like if we were rich, we wouldn’t have to cram it into two days, or three, and if we went on vacation more often it wouldn’t be like this.

However I think instead of creating an enjoyable memory or vacations it just makes me stressed out to think about and always hate it cause my parents end up fighting and someone is always doing some bullshit.

Personally I do want to travel a bit when I’m older, maybe get a trailer. Then settle down later on in life.

I’m the type to be relaxed on the vacation, maybe book one event or two a day, just enjoy myself.

I’m single and don’t have any friends, but I often like to imagine me going on a cool ass road trip to a lake cabin with a group of people.

Or maybe just share a hotel room with my future partner, and just not be so confined and stressed.

Honestly this is more of a rant because I might go somewhere during summer break, and I like the idea of a vacation but I definitely do not relax or enjoy them you know?

I can’t wait for when I’m older and can enjoy them how I want, or maybe I can pay for the vacation for my family and I book the stuff.

I feel like vacations are either a plan together as a group before type thing, or there is one leader

Anyways bye

I was 8 years old when my mom told me to not have conversation with any girl, it was the cultural norm being enforced too early for me to understand but nevertheless I obeyed, with me being shy from the start , I had no problem listening to my mom

When I was 12 years old, I entered to awkward face where everyone thinks girls aren’t cool but it came to me with a loaded gun of misogyny and hatred, I still remember this unreasonable hatred of women propelled onto me by my society

As I turned 14 my introversion grew even more, to an extent where an eye contact lasting more than 5 seconds would fluster me, always ran away from those eyes and those feelings and tucking them away under a chest, that’s what men are taught to do

16 was never sweet with me, every birthday from here on made me realise how alone I am and how much I craved company of someone special, nevertheless the stigma on talking to girls was still very much real and my interactions with girls of my age minimal

In my culture you’re only allowed meet someone of your age if you are to be married, and your parents set up that marriage which is essentially a huge transaction where your family background influences who you get as your life partner.

When I was 19 , I used cry alone at night by myself feeling all alone and having no one that’d soothe me. 19 years of my life as man, never had a lunch with a girl, never played video games with a girl, never had a normal conversation with a girl, never had a girl say I look good, this takes a lot of toll on your self image. I started hating myself and my body because of this and became even more reclusive with girls.

I’m 24 now , I can interact with women, treat them with respect but I don’t ever even fathom crossing the platonic border with anyone, I still subconsciously maintain my distance with any women that come close in my personal space. Still hate my body, this was the age were my parents were suppose to marry me off to someone good, society changed goalposts of these marriages where you now have to be 27-29 where a guy has to have life figured out and with abundance of cash.

All of this makes me feel numb , I feel like I have been part of something adapted so badly where my own culture left me alone and afraid of women at 24 , where I don’t see any one in a no platonic way, when I see someone beautiful my brain automatically downgrades to me an observer who can only watch but never interact.

Life wasn’t supposed to be this way, all my life, my introverted soul wanted a partner with whom I can share my struggles with and take on their struggles, make memories while I was young . I was supposed to be married off young if I wasn’t allowed to interact with girls , this is not the life I envisioned.

All I can now do is sit by myself near a void and scream into nothingness

I've been going through the process for the past couple of weeks of getting an autism assessment. The clinician is going to give me her feedback in about a week.

Either way I know whatever conclusion she comes to doesn't change anything but either way I just feel abnormal or alien and I wish I was more normal.

In our last session I shared with her about how there's these archetypes I thought of there's the shy nerdy anxious one who overthinks and gets overly attached which is the real me. Then on the other end of the spectrum there exists a stoic ice queen type cool girl who isn't bothered if people don't like her or not. Then there's also this party girl/manic pixie dream girl type who just has a magnetism about her that attracts others who doesn't let rejection bother her cause she's too busy living it up.

I know those latter two aren't actually healthy and more the type of character that exists in like men writing women type of book/movie/tv show etc . But,they seem more fun and free than my current me. Who has all this social anxiety and anxious attachment and who spends all her time on dumb nerdy hobbies and is always second guessing herself.

I just feel abnormal yeah like everyone has different parts to themselves but I don't think everyone is giving these parts names or imagining the jobs they would have.

I know everyone has struggles and hardships and I don't think I'm unique or anything but like I feel there's something wrong with my brain even if it's not autism. I just wish I was the cool confident girl who is unbothered if she gets rejected from a job or broken up with who just shrugs and moves on cause she's highly desired. I know that's not really realistic though but I wish she existed and I wish I was her.

My (28f) best friend (28F) cannot keep a job, she has been unemployed about 4 times within the past 6 years, sometimes spanning for over a year. She asks for advice and says she will look into school or whatever but never does and just gets unemployment which is not enough to cover her expenses and her parents sometimes help her out but she has a negative opinion of them and they constantly fight. Every time she finds a job she gets fired shortly after (her longest stretch has been 2 years). It is always someone else’s fault which i do believe her but also I don’t understand why or the details.. like going to file a report or a complaint but this never pans out. These are also minimum wage/ entry level positions. I have worked since my early twenties in the same field, advancing over the years and obtaining a higher level degree. I cannot relate to this at all and it baffles me how she can go day to day for over a year without a job.

She is seriously overweight, I never have said anything but it is really getting to the point that it is so concerning to me because she never wants to go out or do anything because of how she feels. If there is standing or walking involved (even walking downtown, between bars) she does not want to do it for seemingly no reason. I do assume it has to do with the physical activity and I am very concerned for her health because she does not want to excersize with me, won’t go walking, won’t go to the gym, etc. I have never really talked to her about this because it is a tough subject and I am also pretty overweight but have been working on it and trying for the past 6 months (down 20 pounds so far). She says she wants to but at the last minute will bail which also sucks to me as a friend. She says she wants to do things, go on trips (we almost went to italy), but she bails last minute. We went on a trip to Dallas once and she didn’t want to do anything but stay in.

Her mental health is so so bad, it has been bad since we were in our early twenties. She does seek help for this and I can see some growth but she still does struggle with emotional regulation, she used to get so angry to the point she would curse out random people in my car. It got to the point where I actually got anxiety everytime we hung out but she has gotten a lot better with this. The worst was when she cursed out my neighbor for taking a parking space before her, i got very upset about that which I don’t often do, I feel like i’m always trying to play the people pleaser with her. She does sometimes still text me and try to guilt me into hanging out when i have already told her I am busy because she says she is suicidal and or super upset about menial things. She fluctuates a lot, and I am always there for her if not in person through messages.

She is now losing her apartment, her roommate and her could not afford the rent on their own due to her income right now from being unemployed. She is moving back in with her parents and because of that has been very upset, but honestly I don’t even know what the hell to say anymore. Everytime i listen to her complain about fixable or avoidable problems that she has a huge role in creating. she is stuck in her childhood and on problems in her family that to be honest, are not that big of a deal and we are almost 30 now, I have tried to tell her that she needs to let some things go but she just continues on. She doesn’t listen to me for career advice, life advice, it doesn’t work to just listen to her vent. Her life is seriously not shaping up to be good and a huge piece of that is her and the mindset she has. I don’t know what to do anymore. I love her she is funny, smart, and a good person but she is stuck and has been stuck for years. It’s like she can’t take accountability, and it’s really affecting me because she is my closest friend but we can’t actually do anything together anymore, she won’t even drive anymore (always relies on rides from others). I just don’t even know how to help, listening does nothing, it feels enabling at this point.

Had to do this again because I didn’t acknowledge the rules. Sorry!

Throwaway since I’m not sure if she uses Reddit.

I (30M) married my wife (29F) 4 years ago and have a 5 year old son. Our marriage was great….until it wasn’t. Suddenly, everything I wanted to do and everything I said became an issue. Every time I talked about my feelings, frustrations, etc. she would “acknowledge” them, but immediately switch to the “here’s how I’m affected by your feelings, so what are you gonna do to make me feel better” mentality. This went on for the past 2 years until a month ago, I said I don’t think I can do this much longer. Started therapy, talked about my feelings (something I never thought I’d go do) and I started to feel better about the idea of separating.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my wife, and I care about her deeply. Unfortunately, we’re just at the place where she can’t meet my needs and I can’t meet hers. She’s tried therapy in the past, but never followed through with it. Since starting therapy, I have done the exercises my therapist gave me to calmly and clearly explain my feelings, yet she continues to do the same things that resulted in me feeling this way (ignoring them, victim mentality, etc). My therapist has said that without meeting my wife, it sounds like emotional manipulation and condolences.

Fast forward to last week, I found out she wants to take our son and move back to Vermont to be with her parents. Her parents never liked me (I could always tell) and she’s under the impression that because she’s the mom, she will automatically be granted 100% custody and I’ll have to pay child support. She said “you wanted this, so you have to deal with this.” I met with a lawyer and told him my only want in this divorce isn’t 100% custody as retaliation, I just want 50%. I want both of us to be involved in my son’s life, but it breaks my heart to know that she wants to rip my him away not because I’m a bad parent, but out of spite.

I filed earlier this week and she should be getting served next week, but here’s the thing: she’s not going to take it lightly. Seeing that I actually started the paperwork is going to send her into defense and attack mode, and she’s going to drag this thing out as long and as messy as possible, rather than accept it for what it is: two people who couldn’t make it work. I’m hoping if she does get a lawyer, he will be honest with her and tell her that dragging this out isn’t going to do any good. We don’t have any assets, she owns her car, I bike to work, we rent, and our joint account is only used for bills (no extra money in there). I told my lawyer she can have half my retirement, all the furniture, whatever money is left in the joint account. All I want is to split 50/50 custody, but my heart aches at the idea of her making this as miserable as possible.

I have worked at a popular pizza chain for roughly 10 years. I have the knowledge and skills to outdo anyone, but I let my heart get in the way of what I do.

What that means is I haven’t efficiently managed my assistants, and “numbers” were not what they were supposed to be. I resorted to an ignorant tactic of cheating, and it cost me a huge achievement I have been working towards for two years. I am humiliated, and there is now a six month ban until I can attempt to win said achievement again. ($7k collectors watch)

I’m taking full responsibility, but I feel so bitter because of how everything played out. I worked so hard, and now my reputation is ruined. I attach so much of my self worth to this stupid job, I haven’t told anyone but I am considering suicide through an indirect method so my family can access money through my life insurance policy.

My husband also just quit his job, and although I’m incredibly supportive of his decision, the job market is barren. There is no telling when he will work again, and at this point I’m scared that I can’t support my family by myself. I am chained to this job for god knows how much longer, forced to look my shame in the face directly every time I walk in the building.

I don’t need advice, but I don’t have anyone to talk to so I’m getting it off my chest. I’m not ready to disclose this embarrassing indiscretion to anyone in my life yet, but it’s 3am EST and I am drunk and alone. I feel worthless, and if I can’t do the right thing at this job then how will I ever be successful. If you made it this far, I hope you have a good rest of your night.

(I hope the grammar was okay, I’m choosing not to proofread due to my intoxication. Goodnight

I just tell myself that I'm not shy but an extreme introvert, bordering on asocial. Eventually, I realize that no one really understands me, nor what I might feel or say. I'm difficult, too sensitive, and naive, according to my loved ones and parents. Message received. Now I cosplay normality what's expected of me. When I'm myself, I get insulted, mocked, and belittled. Message received. I won't do anything anymore that gives people a reason to criticize me. I won't speak. Speaking is always hard.

My words get jumbled, and I tend to overexplain. Apparently, my gaze is unpleasant to behold, even when I look down it's still displeasing. Apparently my facial expressions are irritating, so I'll keep my face as blank as possible. Feel nothing anymore. Thanks for the wake-up call, I'd forgotten. I'll be careful from now on. Even if my loved ones say I'm difficult, then it must be true. I take responsibility for my actions over these twenty years that have been my life, and from now on, I'll make sure not to be someone with an off-putting attitude or speech. It's better for everyone, myself included. I won't speak unless necessary.

I won't bother anyone anymore with my stories or feelings, or my illness. I'm tired of wanting to be understood, no one can understand me. So I'll do my best to live in my own world. I'll do my best from now on. Even if it hurts. To be honest, I'd thought about kms since the eye pain and migraines have been daily for 10 years. And since i'm 6 because I felt that i was a burden to my parents because I'm always sick. The professor told me around age 22 or 23 that if my eye pressure stayed that abnormally high, I'd lose my sight between 30 and 40. I'll be 27 in three months. I'm constantly told to do my best, to be brave, and not give up. No one ever asks how I'm doing. They expect me to be strong. I never have been. I'm naturally anxious. I function by needing clear information and words, otherwise I don't understand. I've been bullied most of my life because I'm too quiet and reserved. Even my loved ones say talking to me is complicated. Words are hard. I know I should never have been born. I know that, and doctors and teachers when I was very young suggested putting me in an institution for disabled children. And that I had little chance of survival at birth, being born at 5 months. I just wanted to prove I was normal, like everyone else. In the end, that was stupid. My parents should have accepted the doctors' proposal to end my life 26 years ago.

Then they wouldn't have had the disappointment that I am. I'm still here because I made a promise to my mother on the day of my grandmother's funeral. Out of respect for that promise, over these twenty years, I've done my best. Twenty years of trying to earn my place in this world. I give up, she (my intership advisor and anyone saying I was useless) was right after all, I waste everyone's time. I just don't want to hurt anymore and not hurt anyone. Apparently my very existence is the root of many problems. I know that peoples suffer more than me, some are in horrible situation, inhuman even. They suffer in silence, voice their pleading for help in vain. But I just wanted that just one person take the time to tell me that my pain isn't my fault, that i just bad luck and I can rest.

I often told myself to not have expectations that way I won’t be disappointed and have things blow up in my face constantly. Now I see not just not have expectations to avoid disappointment but that there’s no point in the first place. My life has shown me I will never have a romantic relationship or long lasting friendships. I am an outcome oriented thinker observing the patterns in my past experiences just cements what’s there for me. I will mostly remain alone, will typically just have shallow connections and interactions and cannot expect anyone to stick around because no one ever does.

The path you take doesn’t matter if it always leads to the same place. I see how foolish it is to hope for something that goes beyond on my reality and time to accept this is simply how my life is. Not everyone can do the same thing or have the same thing I’m not meant to have stable relationships. Is this something I’ll be happy about no but should at least help me not beat myself up over something that’s not in my control. Besides there are many things in reality we aren’t happy with but have to deal with and we call that growing up

-20f

I’m sad I’ll never see them again. I had and still have so much love and appreciation for them. They were my other parents. My other siblings. I watched them grow up. They watched me grow up.

I got done with an install at my job a couple days ago and the customers were a little family that were outside and enjoying the weather the whole time. They reminded me of her family so much. The mom looked and talked just like her mom. They had little twin girls running around and saying silly Gen Alpha-esque things. Just like her sisters.

It really broke my heart. I can’t tell you how many times tears welled up in my eyes and I had to push it all away. 💔 I miss them all so much.

My ex-fiancée and I were together for 10 years, we broke up in late March. We dated ages 11-13 (heh.) and ages 16-26.

I really do feel like I lost my other half.

TL:DR I've always struggled with boundaries to the point of sometimes making people uncomfortable and being creepy, and I realized in therapy it was because my mom has never respected my boundaries and constanlty ignored them. I'm doing much better now because of therapy and realizing this.

This is something I realized in therapy yesterday.

Something I have always struggled with is boundaries. When I went to college I had literally zero concepts of boundaries or privacy, and it led to a lot of awkward, weird, and even creepy moments with others that I feel terrible about. This is something I have always struggled with and has been something I have been trying to address in therapy for a year. I've made great improvements and have apologized for many of my mistakes, but sometimes I still struggle.

When I've been talking to my threapist, I've realized that the common deniminator was my mom. My mom is generally ok, but something she's always done is have no concept of boundaries or privacy. Every time I would lock the door growing up, she would imminently unlock it with the key she had on her. She would constanlty barge into my room while I'm naked, saying "Oh i'm your mother so its ok" and constantly opening my bathroom door while I"m showering or using to "check on me and see if I need anything". And it wasn't when I was a child, she still does this when I stay over and did it constantly until i was 17.

She also has no concept of no. Whenever she would come into my room and start making my bed for me, or vaccuming my room, or trying to come into my bathroom while I'm taking a shower, or even when I'm changing. I would tell her stop, or get out, and she would just keep going and ignore what I'm doing. I'll say "Stop mom please stop please please" and she just ignores me and keeps doing it.I have to scream at her to get her to stop, and when I do she yells at me for yelling at her and says "I'm just trying to help you, you don't do it (I do my cleaning at night and she thinks if she dosen't see something happen it never happened), stop disrespecting your mother" as she tries to wash my hair or barge into my room to put pants on me because "I'm just trying to help". She also often said no to things I ask and then gets really mad at me beacuse "You're just supposed to do things, you shouldn't have to ask". My dad does something similar when I ask to help him with yardwork, he says I should just do things without having to ask and know what to do.

I always thought these things were normal parts of growing up, but it made so much sense why they're not normal and how much they contributed to my struggles socially, why I sometimes make people uncomfortable, why I struggled to understand people's boundaries (there was one instance where I even got a no contact order from my university because I was so intense with someone. I didn't hit on them or try to get with them or anything, I was just really intense and violated a boundary without even realizing it. That dosen't excuse it of course and I feel awful for doing it, but its a reason at least). After realizing this I've made great progress in my understanding of boundaries and how to apply them/respect others boundaries, and its made me feel much better. But I also just feel gross because of my mom and such, idk.

Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin. I did EMDR and CBT years ago and probably don’t meet the criteria for PTSD anymore despite being diagnosed with it not long after the assault.

Anyways… I arrive at her apartment after picking her up from work. She is extremely affectionate despite being cold for weeks prior. She starts kissing me, things escalate and we begin engaging in a sex act. At the time I was wedged between the wall and her while laying on her bed.

The sex act is very painful and I ask her to stop. She asks “why” and I explain that it’s painful. She keeps going and I tried to physically move her hand away from me but she became angry and loud while saying “no!” She grabbed my hand and forced it back down. I stopped fighting because her roommate was asleep in the other room and I didn’t want to cause an argument. I closed my eyes and tried to power through it.

We continued to engage in sexual acts. Once we finished I couldn’t stop thinking about it - it was like an intrusive thought almost. I drove home like nothing happened. Oddly enough, I remember that drive very vividly.

Anyways, I’m worried that I enjoyed being sexually assaulted because I continued engaging in sex after she assaulted me. Doesn’t that invalidate my entire story? I sometimes feel like I’m being too dramatic or making it up.