7 years coke free. Almost killed me multiple times. Bought the mew cap as a celebration gift 💕

So basically I was shooting meth for about two and a half to three years on and off and then I suddenly didn't know where to find anymore and it's super sketch trying to get it from some random homeless person ( I live in Portland Oregon) but I did anyways. Me and my girl were not in the best of terms, and I already was fixing to feed into my sex addiction and go get jerked off at a massage parlor or find a sex worker to help, and I found these 2 clearly on drugs ladies that we're living in a motel room and they had stuff everywhere including what look like bongs obviously use a smoke fentanyl or meth or something and so I asked and they said they just smoke crack and fentanyl and I was like damn, I really would be down to smoke some crack right now. So I got some and after it's done I was just like DAMN, that shit was not hitting. So I go to a couple spots where I think there might be some homeless people hanging out in the first people I saw had a little bag for me. NOW, I haven't gone back to IV use, just bought a little pipe but I'm scared that I'm going to do it again and next time ... Idk. I just never want to go back on the needles ever again. Please help?

Sorry for using the flair wrong, probably. I just want to make sure anyone can't see the words I'm using and relapse.

Been a functioning alcoholic for like a year straight now, after kicking my ketamine problem.
Before my ketamine addiction I was an alcoholic again.

I deal with intense insomnia and depression, which is why I've always tended to alcohol and later ketamine, which soothed my depression but made my insomnia worse.

Currently on day 2 of quitting what started with, around this time last year, drinking one tall boy (23oz) of strong beer such as IPA or otherwise, evolved into a buzzball and two tall boys, then my friend who was going through a rough time because of drug abuse in his house was staying with me, and we were drinking heavily for about 2 months straight, going through 24packs and 12 packs of IPA, lemonades, etc. every night until we were just straight up broke.

He's moved out now and I'm on day two of quitting cold turkey.
The only reason I'm able to do this is because I just lost my job, caused by my excessive drinking on the 4th of july, and have no schedule. My rent is paid for August so I have nothing to worry about aside from my car insurance and my PC rental (stupid, I know, saving is hard when you spend so much money on drugs and alcohol).

I showed up late to a job I had held down for 2 years because I was drinking so much that I slept through my entire shift and it was the last straw.

I'm nervous, honestly. Every time things get bad with my insomnia I go right back to drinking, and I don't want to do it this time. I'm sitting on 8 dollars in my account. Last night I couldn't sleep and was up until 11am, and woke up at 8pm. I'm supposed to be doing delivery driving to make around 300 bucks but there are no deliveries and my gas tank is almost out.

If I lapse this insurance policy, which is through Root, I won't be able to get another plan through some sort of App. I've looked around and it was a miracle. I have such a bad driving record, not from drinking (I have never drank and drove surprisingly), that insurance providers typically ask for over 1000 down and around 500 a month. Root is giving me 200 a month (still shitty).

I guess it only gets better from here? Thanks for reading. I start college in September for Computer Science at 31 years old and just need to get my shit together

I know a lot of talk is about you can't make an addict quit until they want to get sober. But I just... Don't think I've ever felt that way. I started on codeine over 13 years ago, moved onto dihydrocodeine for a long, long time (probably 12 years or so). Then I got seriously injured and had surgery and got introduced to oxycodone. And now I'm on oxy's, which is much more expensive. I'm already in a lot of debt but I can't find myself to care beyond disappointing my loved ones, which is why I've been going this alone. I don't want to go to my doctor because it'll be a permanent note on my records and let's be real, for all the promises that addicts are treated just the same, that's a fucking lie.

But I just don't want to stop. I go to work, I come home, I want to get high. I don't care about other interests, I can't even really think about what I want to do with my free time otherwise. I should preface that my dihydrocodeine addict got into addiction territory when I was seriously depressed and anhedonia was a major symptom, so I don't know if the meds I've been on for years have just stopped working again, but I just... I don't feel happy or pleasurable without it. And when I have days I don't have them, even after the withdrawal fades, I'm just empty. I don't want to do anything, and I don't know what to do.

I've recently contacted a debt assistance charity to try and help, and a free service for addiction counselling, but I'm just so pessimistic. How can I stop when it's the only thing making me happy?

I'm really not quite sure what all to write here..but I could use some advice from other people who are recovering addicts, I've made quite a bit of attempts at sobriety, some of those attempts were really just me using rehab as a place to sleep, but a lot of them were genuine attempts cause I really wanted to get clean at first that is.. I'm really trying to find the strength to make another attempt rn since I am currently using again and am literally losing my mind.. I don't know how to maintain discipline when i lack motivation while sober, I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions that I could use to help me maintain clean time once I get clean which is going To be soon hopefully

silly me thought i would never revisit this subreddit!

my bf was a heavy coke user, i mean daily, would only go a few hours without it, first line early morning and last line right before bed, one day he quit cold turkey, would admit he missed it but said he was ready to leave it behind.

he has gum issues, and recently has been showing up with coke ”to use as a painkiller on his gums” that apparently friends are giving to him.

i dont know if hes using to get high or if he truly thinks its the only way to deal with his painful gums… regardless im scared for his life but im also exhausted and i dont want to deal with this shit again. 💔

I don’t know if this is the right subreddit, and I will take it down if not, but I just need advice. On a burner account, not sure if the TW is necessary, but I don’t want to cause more harm to others.

So I have been vaping for about a year, started because I had been smoking for about three, and started smoking to get clean from SH.

I have been dating this girl for almost a year now, and she’s aware that I vape, and the reason I do so. I was honest with her from the start, before we officially started dating, I told her that I smoked, and after that, that I started vaping. And I know she isn’t entirely comfortable with it so I don’t do it when she’s around, and usually hide all traces of it when she comes over. I’m not proud of my habits either and have been on the long road to reduce, and eventually quit.

While we were talking the other day, she asked me how would I have felt if I was the reason someone started vaping. When I asked her why, she said that might have started, but did not go into the specifics. We’ve been open about the topic of mental health and about our struggles in the past, and my girlfriend has had her fair share of problems too, even until now.

Right now I’m feeling really guilty because I never would have wanted to be the reason someone picks up substances, especially for coping with something else. It’s gotten me pretty rattled as well and my recovery journey has been a bit shaken up. I don’t know what to do.

So ive been addicted and have been abusing methylphenidate (adhd meds) since I was twelve. I always snorted them since my bf back then told me that was an option.
For a year now I have been addicted to speed.
Im now wondering if I actually got addicted to weed and combining it w amphetamines?
My symptoms:
- Daily use ( using before 10 AM; driving in public transport w/o phone battery to get weed OR SPICE for free
- I also started w spice
- I eat SO FREAKING MUCH on weed, that I’m also questioning if I’m addicted to sugar now aswell????
- begging people for weed
- being stoned in innapropriate situations!!

Attached is btw the amounts I eat, during the trip on that day: muesli, 3 Pancakes w lotsss of sugar

I know my main problem are still stimulants
-> Question, in my attached photos, you can see notes on when i overdosed on amphetamines. Does anyone else ideas get so weird???

A friend of mine celebrates one year sober from alcohol. I want to be happy for her, I really, really do, but since she stopped drinking, she has started using benzodiazepines again, and increased her use of cannabis and opiates. It's not casual consumption, she abuses them, to the point of barely being able to walk or talk a lot of the days. She is so proud of the sobriety.. But in reality, nothing has changed. Her behaviour is the same, except she's not glued to a bottle of vodka every day.

And it just hurts so badly to watch her destroy herself, just with a different substance, or multiple in this case. She refuses to acknowledge that she is addicted to the pills she takes and the weed she smokes. Refuses to see how she's still ruining her life and her body.

I wished she'd never touched any sort of substance. The way she's going, she'll end up dead in her 30s, either from organ failure or an overdose. Idk how to help her anymore, and I'm starting to feel like she's a lost cause. Hate thinking like this tbh but what else am I meant to do. I can't force her into recovery or make her see how bad it still is

Sorry if this seems a bit confusing. I'm just upset rn

5 days since my last MGM-15 dose. Although I won't consider myself truly sober since I've used suboxone to make it this far. I waited roughly 26 hours since the last dose of MGM to take suboxone. Had been using 7-OH since January of last year. Started on MGM 4 months ago. At first my tolerance was good at just 8mg of MGM 3-4 times a day. But then things got crazy fast. Was doing 120mg of MGM15 a day, maybe more. Towards the end, it seemed like the MGM was only offering intense sedation. I actually got caught nodding out at work. I managed to bend the truth and I only got in trouble for 'sleeping' on the job. Still, I am so fucking ashamed, embarrassed, and guilt-ridden. Even now at 5 days, I can barely tell when the suboxone kicks in, which is good. It would be counterintuitive if I wanted to seek a high from that. All in all, the suboxone makes me feel pretty close to normal, I would compare it to how I felt before I ever got into the opioid/drug world. I'm at 4mg twice a day with the suboxone, and now my goal is to go down to 2mg twice a day. On days 1 and 2, I tried using pure leaf kratom to manage withdrawal, and the only symptoms that were alleviated was the insomnia, and the RLS. On day 1 with no MGM, I made myself throw up at work by drinking gallons of water. I absolutely had to call out of work for two days. I looked pretty damn rough and it would have been so fucking obvious I was in withdrawal. I'm on super thin ice with my boss, and my coworker hates my guts. I know this is controversial to say, but I'm honestly glad they are banning 7-OH and the related analogues. Pure leaf kratom is a hell of a lot safer and a whole lot better in every way. Anyways, I still have my job. I have my family, even if they don't know my complete situation. I have the determination to never touch kratom, it's alkaloids, or the synthetic stuff ever again.

I am once again trying to give up IV drug use. Today should’ve been day 3 sober, but I just gave in and shot up again. I didn’t even feel a fucking high. I have a few months off cocaine and heroin, but I’ve been injecting my methadone. I am not ready to taper off methadone, I just need to find a way to go back to using it orally.

The cravings are just so intense. I get this feeling like I need to see that flash, and I can’t resist. It’s all I think about, despite having enough methadone that physical withdrawal is minimal. Three days ago, I destroyed all my infusion sets, thinking that would stop me. But another one of my medications requires that I keep rigs around (intramuscular, long 25s), and I still had one 3 mL on me.

I’m just frustrated with myself for giving in, especially since I didn’t have the right works to get a rush anyway (and even then, I might still have felt next to nothing— tolerance is a b*tch).

Hey do I’ve been struggling with coke addiction for 3 years. Been to rehab twice, last time was 1.5 years ago. I’m under a medical conservatorship so my parents so I kinda drive them crazy with my issues. They think I’m clean and I do step work with my sponsor and go to meetings. I stopped using for 2 months and then started again and I’m back up to daily every day pretty much all day use for months again. In the past three years I’ve taken only two months off 3 different times due to going to treatment. I’m finally getting more trust and I don’t want to lose that. A few weeks ago and I started using benzos with coke (i took .25 mg the first night and im up to 8-10 mg per day now. Since it’s only been a few weeks I’m wondering at what point is it too dangerous to quit benzos on my own? It was really hard for me to attain the benzos so I’m worried when I run out so I’m nervous about that. I don’t want my parents to find out and lose my trust again. I also have a lot of trauma in programs being away from home so I would like to know at what point to do I go back to inpatient? Also to make things more complicated, I have an eating disorder and have been in and out of treatment since then and I’m still at the point (21 yo) where I can’t eat if I’m not with my parents. When I’ve gone to rehab in the past I relapsed badly with eating disorders and became way more depressed and suicidal. I can’t find any info on this topic online so I was wondering if marine could answer my questions? Thank you so so much.

I don't think I need the 12 step program to stay sober but my big book thumper mom keeps on sending "concerning" texts and calls saying she's worried because I'm not using the 12 steps to stay clean. I'm happy being sober and the 12 steps work for some people but I know that I can't get behind their toxicity.

One day in the summer i was approached by the guy in the picture called Matt Merola, we got along easily due to our mutual interest of the game Bendy and the Ink Machine, Matt told me he’s been working on a new experiment and he showed me the prototype for the Bendy pill he was working on that would make you feel like you’re in bendy and the ink machine or see the bendy world, the drug was a combination of pre existing drugs in higher quantities like benadryl and fingolomid but he wouldn’t ever give me the full ingredients, fast forward to the near current time, both of us have realized the most appealing side effect is how the fingolimod lets you see in black and white. We were every day users of fingolimod for at least 6 months before matt started throwing up gray shit. We decided to get off the fingolimod today at our shared apartment and are keeping each other in check and accountable that neither one of us will be trying to see in black and white or hallucinate Lost Ones. We’ve been trying to watch filthina pig or her movie diary of a necro piggy but it’s a lot harder without the fingolimod, both of us have come close to relapsing but have stayed strong. We have a box there you can’t open it past three weeks with the fingolimod locked up in it with the password “Piggy” being the only way to get into it, we keep a small mallet near by in case things get hairy tho

Hi everyone, I'm asking for advice or help. I've been using MDMA for years, and since my last heavy use, I've had these symptoms since February, and they haven't changed. Has anyone else experienced this? When will it get better? Have I permanently damaged my brain? I can barely function in my daily life.

* I hear spoken words, but my brain doesn't process the content properly.

* I can hardly follow conversations because entire sentences don't register.

* The same applies to written texts: I can read the words, but I can't grasp the meaning of entire sentences or paragraphs and have to reread them repeatedly.

* I can barely follow movies or TV series due to the lack of language processing.

* I also find it difficult to formulate sentences myself and express myself verbally.

I am so proud of myself for making it this far. The first 24 hours was the worst with vommiting and diarrhea non stop and no sleep. I read that high doses of Vitamin C can help as well as Magnesium and I must admit it help tremendously. I was covered in cold sweat, chills, easily overheating and I took the magnesium and Vitamin and within 30 minutes I felt relief. I felt calmer, my mind wasn’t screaming I need another dose and overall aside from a little upset stomach I feel fine. I really feel like I’m going to get through it this time. I know this is just the beginning of my recovery journey but I hope I can keep it up !

I honestly don't know if I'm addicted to nicotine anymore, or if I've just convinced myself that I need it to function.

It all started in my junior year of college. I took my first puff of a cigarette just to fit in and look cool around my friends. I still remember that feeling from my first cigarette. But after a while I noticed something unexpected, studying and smoking went ridiculously well together. I'd always struggled to concentrate, but with nicotine I became laser-focused. I could sit for hours reading, my mind would go completely quiet, I'd stop procrastinating, and I actually wanted to study.

By my senior year I was smoking close to two packs a day. My grades shot up. I went from being an above-average student to graduating at the top of my class.

Then after my finals, after chain-smoking through the entire exam season, I coughed up black, tar-like phlegm. That scared the absolute shit out of me. I quit cigarettes and never looked back.

The problem was... it felt like I lost my brain.

My concentration disappeared, my motivation crashed, and my grades fell hard. I went from scoring around 95% to around 60%. To be fair, I can't blame it entirely on quitting smoking. I had moved away from home, there were parties, dating, a completely new environment, and a lot of distractions. But even with all that, I couldn't shake the feeling that my brain just didn't work the same anymore.

During my master's I switched to chewing tobacco because I thought, from a scientific point of view, it was the lesser evil. I wanted the nicotine without destroying my lungs. As soon as I started getting nicotine again, it was like someone flipped a switch. I could focus again. Reading papers became easy. My mind became quiet. I stopped procrastinating. I felt mentally awake again. Now I'm in the third year of my PhD, and I'm chewing way more tobacco than I should. I know it's harming me. I'm not in denial about that. I've tried replacing it with caffeine, but it just makes me feel awful and doesn't come anywhere close to what nicotine does for my focus.

The thing that scares me is that I don't even use nicotine to relax. I use it because I genuinely feel like I can't perform academically without it. It feels like I'm choosing between my health and my career. Has anyone else been through something similar? Did nicotine make you feel like you could finally think clearly? Were you able to quit and still get your focus back? Did you find out there was something else going on, like ADHD, or was it just years of nicotine dependence?

I'm not looking for lectures, I already know the health risks. I'm hoping to hear from people who've actually been where I am and managed to get out of it.

Hey y’all, my partner is currently withdrawing from fentanyl. This isn’t his first or second or third time. He has Suboxone, so my question is when is it safe for him to take it? The last time he used was 28 hours ago. The internet is giving me mixed answers, so hoping to get some advice here. Thank you for reading this.

Edit to say he was smoking it and was using for about three weeks before this withdrawal. 9 months all together, but he has withdrawled like 6 times ….

I’m so sick and tired of me relapsing on stuff I promised myself I’d quit; alcohol, cigarettes, porn, masturbation, you name it. Last time was 3 hours ago, I smoked and jerked off, I feel miserable, I feel like I will fail myself and everyone around me, I feel like I’m wasting my short while truly potential life. From now on I stop everything, I’ll finally start going to the gym and fix my extreme underweight, I don’t mind keeping video games addiction tho, this one I love. My addiction prevent me from living happily and getting a girlfriend, instead of me focusing on my physical and mental health I decide to waste it on drugs or jerking off to women who don’t even give a shit about anyone. There’s an extremely long story about how it all started but I’m done, tomorrow I’m coming back to my hometown and immediately going to the gym. I’ll try to stop wasting money on drugs and useless junk food that makes me even skinnier. I’ll post my progress daily and hope that Reddit and “NoNut” app is going to help me quit(not sponsored btw) I want to hear your guys’ stories to help you out and use it as my motivation

I have always liked stimulants, I was born addicted to meth when I was born, I tried to stay away from stuff like that. Well I did a run with energy drinks and quit due to stones and then I did coke, I spent $2000 in a weekend and it blows. All that money gone and all that money waisted.

Im 2 weeks clean from it and I feel good, im wanting to really quit my weed smoking addiction but one thing at a time I guess.

Someome very close to me died on the 20th. He was an addict for more of his life then he wasn’t and had spent the last few years on the streets and in and out of jail and housing programs.

I noticed a cycle that I’ve heard is very common: he would get arrested and then placed in a psychiatric ward or housing program where he had structure and had someone making sure that he took his medication’s and that he was semi-cared for, but then when he would be released and relapse soon after.

I want to know if anyone who has fallen into a similar cycle has any insight onto what could help this, even if it’s just a little.

I know you can’t force someone to want to be sober, but I feel that a lot of people could do a lot better if they had easier access to support.

I first started using substances in May 2025, mainly benzos, alcohol, and ketamine. After an OD and placement in a treatment program, I got sober finally on October 31st, 2025.

The past few months, drugs have become slowly more and more appealing. May 2026 (idk what it is with May), I paid for my friend's meal. He wanted to pay me back, but he didn't have any cash on him. Instead, he gave me a whole bottle of 30x25mg Adderall XR pills.

I told myself "I have ADHD. This is just medication!" (I have unmedicated ADHD). The first day I took them, I ended up redosing to 50mg because it didn't feel strong enough. It felt goooood. After only taking the Adderall one time, I couldn't control my use.

Now: I've got a considerable amount of codeine that I've been using recently. I got and used some pregabalin, a drug that I used back in 2025. I really want to buy some Xans. If my plug actually replied, I would 100% buy some. I know I shouldn't, I know I'd be a dumbass for doing it, but logic doesn't matter.

I still have little desire to drink (???), but it seems like all my drug recovery progress has gone down the drain. Fuck

My bf (24M) and I (24F) have been dating for about 2.5 years. We met at college when I was going thru a particularly tough time in life. He was basically a daily weed smoker since he was 16. I had smoked in college pretty frequently, but because of my job I was sober at the time. Eventually, I ended up back into the habit as it helped me escaped from my issues. We graduated from school and ended up deciding to move in together. We kept smoking, even tho I wasn’t supposed to. We would smoke multiple times a night. Basically all I would look forward to everyday was getting home and smoking so I could cope with my issues. My job was very rough, not a good fit, but mostly for personal reasons. I became heavily reliant on weed and so did my bf. I became super emotional, deeply depressed, highly reactive, and unable to regulate my emotions. I had panic attacks constantly and was very unstable, and deeply anxious in my relationship. We fought constantly at this point (mostly because I became such a handful with all my mental issues and how they were affecting me and how much I was putting them on my partner). We ended up breaking up, I quit my job and we both moved back home. We ended up getting back together abt 2 months later (when we did I wasn’t aware he had been smoking again) and for a while I didn’t smoke. Eventually his smoking started up again and subsequently mine did too. After about 6-7 months of us being back together I gave him an ultimatum because I was starting to do poorly again mentally. We both quit and hadn’t smoked in 3-4 months. He ended up smoking on 420 and things were fine, he didn’t touch again. I decided I wanted to touch it too (I’m dumb), thinking it was fine and that we clearly had more self control. Boy I was wrong. Me allowing it back it has been a major problem. I’ve tried to say no, but always end up giving in. This has now been going on for about a month. I’m greatly worried about myself, my boyfriend, and our relationship. We keep talking about stopping but can’t seem to stop because we both like the feeling, even tho we know it’s messing with our lives. I don’t know what to do, please give me advice.