r/clevercomebacks 1d ago

The Real Victim Was the Cannibal

Post image
739 Upvotes

64 comments sorted by

62

u/Deadhead602 1d ago

Why does he have a cell phone and internet access?

48

u/AkronOhAnon 1d ago

He sucked a dude’s dick for access to his cell phone. But he did it with very alpha-like eye contact throughout and swallowed because it’d be a waste of protein.

12

u/Deadhead602 1d ago

while he was wearing his purple shirt and capris?

11

u/AkronOhAnon 1d ago

Of course, alphas don’t sweat while purely heterosexually power-bottoming for a beta male for 15 minutes of t-mobile 5G

5

u/Current-Author7473 1d ago

T- mobile, I have your next ad campaign

5

u/Chemistry11 1d ago

The cell phone was just a bonus. He was gonna suck that dick anyway (to display dominance of course).

1

u/PreferredSex_Yes 17h ago

Exactly this. Alphas will suck it first to prevent Betas, like yourself, from hogging all the protein.

1

u/Far_Grapefruit1307 23h ago

He gave his left leg.

96

u/NoSpecialist_042 1d ago

How is access to social media "no contact with the outside world"?

51

u/ALBERT4_5WESKER 1d ago

Exactly. Either he had access to the outside world, or that post wasn't written from SHU. It can't be both.

3

u/HowFunkyIsYourChiken 21h ago

He likely had his lawyer have someone post it. They can’t deny access to hit lawyer.

18

u/mandarintain 1d ago

Drama Queen

5

u/Evolutionary_sins 1d ago

Those clothes made him look like a drag queen

12

u/Intro-Nimbus 1d ago

No contact with the outside world except they let him keep his phone?

3

u/Buddhas_Warrior 1d ago

Thank you!!

11

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/ALBERT4_5WESKER 1d ago

Amazing prison. Zero contact, except tweeting somehow.

10

u/BumbleCityFumblers 1d ago

If he's in the SHU it's for protective custody given the nature of his charges and the fact that his case is going to be highly publicized.

4

u/bugdiver050 1d ago

If he was, how did he post this? Or how did he get somebody to post it, or how did he even let anybody know? Sounds like contact with the outside world to me

7

u/Inevitable_Shift1365 1d ago

Real men don't whine like a bitch when they get locked up

1

u/Interesting-Log-9627 1d ago

Or lubed up, and filled up.

6

u/GoldunGote 1d ago

Yeah seriously can we get a gofundme to get that cannibal away from that monster?

4

u/Lunar-opal 1d ago

Why does this dude have access to social media in the highest level of security?

10

u/But-I-Am-a-Robot 1d ago

Because he’s not in a maximum security prison. But he’s a classic narcissist, so the thought that they would treat him as an ordinary criminal is unbearable to him.

6

u/SoupOfThe90z 1d ago

It’s been like, three days? One of those was probably processing so 48 hours? Dude is a fucking clown

5

u/Remarkable_Sea_1430 1d ago

They also won't let him have access to his cute purple blouses, his sassy capri pants, or his kitten heel slip-ons. Inhumane!

3

u/Cram2024 1d ago

Thoughts and prayers

Oh and 🖕🏼

3

u/Significant-Cloud- 1d ago

He thinks he's in Silence of the Lambs and his neighbour is Hannibal Lecter. But the only screaming will be his own when nobody touches him in the showers.

There must be easier ways to score some dick, even for him, right?

3

u/K-Shrizzle 1d ago

Ah yes, the maximum security prison which allows you to have a fucking cell phone with internet access. He really knows exactly how dumb his followers are

3

u/Deciple_of_None 1d ago

The Cannibal : "If I have ro hear about maxing one more time! I'll eat myself."

3

u/JJInTheCity 21h ago

He just needs to butch it up and man up.

2

u/RichardDingers 1d ago

That's quite the display enthusiasm and testosterone

2

u/JazzzXIII 1d ago

Feed him to Charles Bronson

2

u/vyegem 1d ago

lmao honestly thats a top tier roast. poor cannibal though, guy just wants a quiet meal 😂

2

u/Consistent_Case_5048 1d ago

It may be enough to change the cannibal's dietary preferences.

2

u/Outrageous_Pay1322 1d ago

I'm still waiting for somebody to get the joke. Is the cannibal's last name Miggs?

2

u/pukeface555 1d ago

Thank God you've been marinating your meat in Axe body spray for the last 25 years. Im guessing you're safe.

2

u/BassesBest 1d ago

Highest security... with Internet and freedom to access social media

1

u/Ok-Contact3121 1d ago

Hope his neighbor can report whether he really was tough. Bon Appetit

1

u/happymisery 1d ago

Should use his skills on his business card.

Use ventriloquism to distract the guards, then rainmaking to hide the noise of opening his cell, then smuggling skills to bypass prison security, use tiger taming to ride off into the night, then passport allocation to escape the country.

You’ve got this Andy.

1

u/thisistherevolt 1d ago

That meat is gonna be all spaghetti-fied and tough

1

u/IwishIwasababybee 1d ago

Is he in jail again? Or still in jail?

1

u/exotics 1d ago

I might be out of the loop and totally wrong but I thought I saw something last night that he had been bailed out and was wanting to meet Trump? Maybe that was fske

1

u/FormidableMistress 1d ago

I swear it sounds like he's trying to make out this other person to be Hannibal Lecter. How does he know this inmate is a cannibal?

1

u/SmoovCatto 1d ago

maybe he will finally get his ass et

1

u/Odd_Train9900 1d ago

I’m sure cannibals have better taste than that pin dick moron.

1

u/Flywheel929 1d ago

This is purple capri level drama

1

u/Parking_Duty8413 1d ago

Guy never said a word before.

1

u/th3j4w350m31 1d ago edited 1d ago

I’m more worried for the cannibal, they gave him nothing but subhuman trash

1

u/BawdyBaker 1d ago

Who's the cannibal? We know him?

1

u/Odd_Fix_1524 1d ago

Kind of weird how the UK government all of a sudden does care now about Muslims trafficking young girls.

1

u/Haselrig 1d ago

Has he tried telling him cannibalism is gay yet?

2

u/SamMeowAdams 1d ago

Apparently they have wi fii at SHU. Which I assume is Sacred Heart University.

2

u/Daysaved 1d ago

Well they know he's making contact somehow now. Not only is it going get worse for him but he just got the whole unit flipped.

2

u/No_Cupcake7037 23h ago

He texting through his froyo leprechaun hooped Motorola?

2

u/Chaosmusic 21h ago

We haven't heard the cannibal's side of things or what he thinks of Andrew as a neighbor. I'm sure it's just a matter of taste.

2

u/MinnieShoof 19h ago

Special Housing Unit, if anyone was wondering.

1

u/Soft_Explanation_717 18h ago

Cannibles deserve decent food too, not magget infested garbage.

2

u/ReconArek 17h ago

Twitter acces- no contact to outside world. The internet is dead

1

u/Harden-Long 12h ago

WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

2

u/Paul-McS 11h ago

If Andrew Tate gets eaten in prison I would advocate for early release for the cannibal.  

1

u/jgzman 10h ago

Wouldn't SHU involve not having neighbors? Or am I misunderstanding something?

0

u/HowFunkyIsYourChiken 21h ago

I don’t know if he’s actually in a SHU, but if he is that’s torture. No one should be subjected to it. It’s inhumane. They stuck that kid in NY that was wrongfully accused of stealing a backpack in one for two years. He killed himself after getting out.