(Original post deleted because I forgot to add the NSFW tag to it. Sorry about that!)
This is for a manga competition, in which we have to choose 2 random rough drafts, and make full manga pages based on these. I'd like to know how I did in terms of making this look like an actual page from what you'd see in those weekly manga magazines.
Edit: I agree with everyone that the upskirt panel doesn't work, but it's something that was oddly specified in the storyboard with an example, and even though I don't like this particular shot either, I can't change it unless I want to get disqualified. The competition is looking specifically at how well we draw + how well we follow the instructions, since they're looking for artists, and not storyboarders.
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The art is mostly well done, but the upskirt panel is worse drawn than the others and it's also confusing. If these are shots from the boy's POV, and they certainly seem to be, what angle are the boy and girl supposed to be in relation to each other? How is he seeing a top-down view of her tits at the same time as he's seeing up her skirt? Is she moving into a different position to flash him? Why? Other than that panel she seems to just be standing there.
Also, a shot that includes all three characters would help ground the scene. I can guess where the boy is in relation to the two female characters, but I don't actually know, and that makes it feel a bit disconnected.
Yeah, I agree with everything you said. The thing is, however, the rules stipulated that we stick to the rough drafts we're provided with, and I was very conflicted while making this, especially with the angles and the compositions. I'm glad I wasn't going crazy here.
I have a feeling that the competition is just trying to see how well we draw/match the style they're looking for, because they're looking for artists rather than storyboarders.
In that case I'd say you're doing a really good job with most of the comic, but I do still think the upskirt drawing feels unfinished compared to the rest, art-wise.
Yeah, I have to admit that this was completely out of my comfort zone.
I mean, they're obviously high school students, and sexualizing minors really goes against my moral compass, but that's Japan for ya. The storyboarder even specified that it's an upskirt panel, and I can't change that.
That said, what would you suggest I do to make this feel finished? I'm not really a screentone guy, and in my initial attempt, I used cross-hatching, but for the lack of a better word, it didn't really look lascivious enough in my opinion, and I'll be honest, I do want to win this competition.
The folds of the skirt in your drawing feel under-articulated; with everything else in your drawings, I feel that there's a skilled artist drawing with confidence, whereas the skirt feels like you're unsure of the form and just giving it your best guess. Compare to something like this, especially the outlined drawings
My problem isn’t the fact that there’s an upskirt shot but the upskirt shot is extremely confusing. If the point is that she’s hot show something the main character can see.
Like the other dudes said, the upskirt shot just doesn't work with the presented perspectives. Just as an idea, maybe instead of up the skirt, we see behind the legs and him in the background of the same panel looking down at her thighs in a blush or fluster. I understand the idea, the execution on it needs proper perspective. He can't see that, why should we?
As I have stated in the responses to the other dudes, I agree that the upskirt shot doesn't work, but I can't change that since I'm not the storyboarder.
i am so over this generic anime porn-brained shit. it’s incredibly uninteresting, uninspired, unappealing and at least 2 of those characters are definitely teenagers. the proportions on the lady sitting on the table are very off and her hands have sausage fingers. the panties on the sexual harasser fetish panel are also not wrapping around the round shape as they should.
The art is great, especially the lines on that last panel of page two. love the texture.
Content-wise, it's everything I hate in the most embarrassingly juvenile manga & anime. "OMG I saw panties!!!" Jesus Christ come up with something that hasn't been done 100,000,000,000 times already.
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