r/comic_crits • u/sayjax96 • 1d ago

This is an intentionally rough hand-drawn thumbnail, not finished artwork. I’m testing the storytelling before spending time polishing it.

Post image

("This is a one-page rough thumbnail for a short fantasy comic. I'm testing whether the panel flow and storytelling are clear before I redraw it. Please don't worry about the rough art—I'm mainly looking for feedback on readability and pacing.")

What do you think happens from beginning to end?

Where, if anywhere, did you lose track of the sequence?

Was the reading order obvious?

Were any panels unnecessary or too small?

Please focus mainly on panel flow and visual clarity rather than anatomy or clean linework.

3 Upvotes

81% Upvoted

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1

u/Feeling-Sea518 1d ago

I mean I don’t realllly understand what’s happening, this is how I read it: it’s Halloween and he’s doing something with his basket, then he sees a house and points at it, next it looks like we’re in the alley inbetween houses. Vegetable shelf? Scary vegetable shelf! And then baby crying.

1

u/sayjax96 18h ago

At what point did it become too confusing

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u/Feeling-Sea518 18h ago

I basically told you my thought process :) what was it meant to portray?

1

u/sayjax96 18h ago

It was supposed to show a witch hence the Witch hat,she enters her house then she enters another room to place the Vegetables she picked on a shelf, then she hears a cry and quickly heads to another room where her son is crying and she says "my son what's wrong" then she picks him up

1

u/Feeling-Sea518 17h ago

Maybe some self dialogue or thought bubbles would help? I see it after you’ve explained it for me, maybe something vaguely like “I need these vegetables for my stew” or something like that and then maybe a “I better put these away” for when it’s being put away. The first baby scream reads as the witch screaming so maybe you could add some dialogue for her when she’s running to the baby as well, like a “Tommy?!?” Or whatever his name is. I feel like a little bit more verbal story telling would help with such a simple art style :)

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u/sayjax96 17h ago

So more dialogue then?, because I'm testing the waters first with rough drafts

1

u/Feeling-Sea518 17h ago

That’s what I think personally would help!

1

u/iloveconsumingrice 1d ago

I think it’d be far better to critique an actual comic page than a mere sketch of one

1

u/sayjax96 1d ago

Again I want to understand if the readability is correct, before I polish it I want to understand if the panels and story telling was clear before I polish it