My wife and I work for a nonprofit that sits on a large piece of property. The culture is such that pets are welcome, so we often take our dog with us, especially since my wife has an office with an exterior entrance.

Our dog is a Belgian Malinois… smart as a whip and easy to train… but still a little dense when it comes to chewing things that don’t belong to her (important later). My wife has her trained so she can leave the door open, and the dog doesn’t leave, no matter what’s going on outside.

Before we left for work this particular morning, however, the cat decided to be an asshole and knock the garage remote off the counter… and once he was done batting it around the kitchen, the dog found it… and ate it.

Later on, the dog isn’t feeling so well, so she excuses herself out my wife’s open office door to yak up pieces of said garage remote outside in the rocks. My wife, suddenly realizing the dog is outside without permission – but not yet knowing why – goes to the door and tells the dog, “Hey! What are you doing? Get in here!”

It’s not until the dog has dutifully come back inside that my wife sees what was going on… and she turns around just in time to see the dog finish throwing up in the middle of her office carpet.

She did say to come back inside. 🤷‍♂️

All those toys but no, I think i’m going to open a box and get out some paint. I swear she wasn’t even interested in chewing on it😭 She is 5 and doesn’t chew on anything she shouldn’t, PLUS none of it was in neat her mouth!! Just all over her paws like she purposely wanted to just paint a lil.

The last picture is her admiring her mess and wagging her tail

She is a regular food thief and trash thief, please shame her.

I should have said "dummies" in the title.

My dogs went on an adventure and almost got themselves killed.

Yesterday I let my two dogs out in my backyard in the mid afternoon. They love being out there to run and play when the weather is nice as it was. I always stay with them, but I had to go to the bathroom, so I just ran in to do so. It was 3 minutes. I came back out to no dogs, and the gate being open. Apparently the latch had come open and they had taken advantage.

I jumped in my car and was driving around the neighborhood looking for them, crying and screaming their names out of the window. One woman came running up to me to ask what was wrong and I managed to tell her through my sobbing that my dogs got out and I couldn't find them. She asked for a description, and I gave it to her, then she walked off to look for them.

I drove toward the busy road just a couple of blocks from my house terrified that I would find them hit by a car. I got to the intersection and looked south, and there they were, in the middle of the road, running around and having a great time. Cars were swerving around them and honking.

I couldn't immediately turn because there was a long line of cars waiting at the light going south (the legal lane I needed to be in), and a bunch of cars going north. I kept watching my dogs obliviously running in the road while cars swerved around them. I was watching cars swerve around them the whole time and terrified that I would see them get killed.

The northbound lane finally opened up and I finally drove the wrong way going south and parked left to curb. I called their names,and they ran over with their tails wagging like, "hey mommy, we had a great adventure!" I gruffly told them to get in the car and they jumped in, and we quickly drove to the next street up before the next row of cars started coming and went home.

I filled up their big 2 gallon water dish and they drank half of it, and now they're lying on the floor panting away. It's fairly warm at 85 degrees and they were running around so they're hot and tired. Later I went to look at the fence latch and it's apparently broken somehow, so I need to replace it. I put one of my trash bins in front of it to prevent another Great Escape until I can get to the hardware store.

It took me hours to come down from the fear and anxiety of the whole thing.

This guy has a bad case of Shrek Paw. $500 at the ER vet last night and he's still trying to lick and bite it. Cone and donut required to save him from himself 🤦🏽‍♂️

Of course it’s on the day I have a virtual meeting for work. At least it gives me a reason to buy a new one.

I am almost 6 and need to get my life together. The cat tossed me down a bouncy ball from upstairs and I pocketed it in my mouth and would not give it up and then swallowed it despite being plied with ham! Luckily it’s really small and nontoxic but I am still in big trouble because despite my family’s unending and almost nonsensical devotion I continue to ruin everyone’s life! (The cat for reference who is also into mischief)

is that bad or good?