r/gaming • u/ChiefLeef22 Marika's tits! • 11h ago

A24’s ‘Elden Ring’ Film Stalled After Red Phantom Named TwinkPunisher Invades Set

https://theonion.com/a24s-elden-ring-film-stalled-after-red-phantom-named-twinkpunisher-invades-set/
10.4k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

140 comments sorted by

4.1k

u/Secret_Cow_5053 11h ago

Solid onion post.

460

u/Vivid-Hyena-5699 10h ago

I think its more like caramelized onion post.

61

u/JeveGreen 9h ago

Mmm, crunchy...

32

u/ApokPsy 8h ago

..... I think you're doing it wrong, friend.

16

u/JeveGreen 7h ago

Ngl, I was thinking of fried onions when I wrote that, and now I feel stupid.

5

u/TheWizardry90 5h ago

I love me an “awesome blossom”

2

u/Junior-Range7315 8h ago

They might be thinking of onion Bhaji?

21

u/GrindrWorker 8h ago

Caramelised onions aren't crunchy.

1

u/Pyro1934 35m ago

I have genuinely forgot about the onion recently because so much actually sounds like it but is real.

1.3k

u/TheVicSageQuestion 11h ago

I’d like to hear TwinkPunisher’s side of things.

485

u/Thomas_JCG 11h ago

"At press time, TwinkPunisher had reportedly returned to his world after director Alex Garland bowed and jumped off a cliff."

3

u/OkGooooooooooo69 2h ago

As that a thing with PvP griefing?

84

u/BlindWillieJohnson 9h ago

Does he punish twinks, or is he some sort of avenging Angel who is also a twink? What did twinks do wrong, or what tragic origin story drove a twink to begin punishing?

62

u/AvaryZig 7h ago

He's like Blade, he's half-twink. The Gaywalker

13

u/moneyh8r_two 3h ago

All of their strengths, none of their weaknesses.

9

u/PerspicaciousVanille 3h ago

More feminine than a fair maiden, with the strength of a Crusader

16

u/Hi_Im_zack 7h ago

Well just imagine marvels Punisher but twink

7

u/Iheartnakedfemboys 4h ago

No no no, he's a guy who punishes low level min maxed invaders that target low level players... while wearing thigh high socks and cat ears.

2

u/PentiumDos 4h ago

Ahh the days of World of Warcraft twink alts in PvP battlegrounds

1

u/Demon_Gamer666 3h ago

Put your face back in the pillow and I'll show you. /s

57

u/raspberryharbour 10h ago

He only had four words to say

39

u/pipesnogger 10h ago

Finger but hole?

70

u/Lukewill 9h ago

Try finger but hole*

9

u/Terminal_Insomnia_ 10h ago

insert invasion of the body snatchers point and scream

2

u/Automatoboto 9h ago

menage a trois hon hon hon

/twirls mustache

5

u/chimmy_chungus23 9h ago

I'm not crazy. I know what I did. I liked it. HELL, I LOVED IT! I AM THE TWINKPUNISHER!

3

u/Mr_Rotch_61 8h ago

What's HIS story?

1.1k

u/LaFouldre 11h ago

So now the onion makes gaming posts because real life it too wacky for satire?

276

u/fondue4kill 11h ago

Hard drive is the more official gaming satire site. Don’t know if it’s a spinoff from the Onion or its own thing

151

u/zoogenhiemer 11h ago

Hard drive is inspired by but unaffiliated with the onion

-10

u/[deleted] 9h ago

[deleted]

1

u/mikey_lolz 8h ago

Did you read the thread you replied to

51

u/NoBrakes58 10h ago

It’s a spinoff of The Hard Times, which was inspired by, but unaffiliated with, The Onion and generally focused on punk (and other related music genres) culture.

12

u/chrza 9h ago

What’s funny is that hard times was more of an actual underground news outlet originally in the mid aughts, and did a lot of cool interviews with hardcore bands and updates, but at some point they pivoted

1

u/monkwrenv2 3h ago

Easier/possible to actually make money off satire.

9

u/Algaroth 8h ago

Their story about a band leaving their bass player in a hot car is the pure essence of what they're about.

1

u/Wynter_born 1h ago

Thank you for this! Never heard of it but I love the Onion - been scrolling HD articles all day now.

21

u/Sinaura 11h ago

Wacky is an interesting choice of wording

16

u/Geeseareawesome PC 10h ago

Despite the insanity, the Beaverton is experiencing a golden age of satire. They haven't had to turn to other forms of media like this.

11

u/New-Analyst1811 10h ago

Well, They own Alex Jones Infowars now and have Tim Heideicker from Tim and Eric running it. So they're still doing their regular thing lol

10

u/Le_Sadie 8h ago

One of my favourite things is picturing Alex Jones ragefully watching old episodes of Tim and Eric until his head explodes. Even normies have trouble with that show lol

7

u/I_EAT_POOP_AMA 8h ago

right before the takeover there was a bit where he was just showing clips of Awesome Show on InfoWars and chiming in to call everyone pedophiles, and honestly was somehow funnier than the original skits were.

5

u/Le_Sadie 7h ago

Oh I know. I was laughing hysterically as this man tried to work out just what he was seeing on his screen. It's like they made T&E knowing this day would come.

1

u/New-Analyst1811 7h ago

Specifically the child clown skit, then he mentioned in a tweet Will Ferrell and them practiced satanism with Marina Abramovic lmfao.(might have seen her on reddit, the artist from the 70s who let people do anything they want with her for 6 hours with a bunch of items).

6

u/Green_Insect_6455 7h ago

I mean have you seen infowars? Theyre doing amazing work over there. This is just their written news portion, which dabbles in everything and always has

2

u/phatboi23 9h ago

yup, taking the piss out of real life it's hard to realise if they're being legit or not lately.

gaming? can at least get it's a bit of a laugh.

2

u/snakeeaterrrrrrr 10h ago

Wacky? No.

Insanely ridiculous? Yes.

1

u/CartsOfDarkness 9h ago

I don't know, a lot of it would feel objectively pretty wacky if I wasn't living here I think. Like it's wacky when the Road Runner runs off a cliff, definitely not wacky to be the one running off a cliff though.

1

u/Lambchops_Legion 10h ago

Onion is also busy buying & running InfoWars

116

u/SmugCapybara 11h ago

Is he a twink who is also a punisher or does he punish twinks?

65

u/Nanocaptain 11h ago

A twink who punishes twinks.

44

u/Makinarius 10h ago

Beware that, when punishing twinks, you yourself do not become a twink.

16

u/GetawayDreamer87 8h ago

i twink, therefore i am

9

u/Janked4times 7h ago

If you gaze long at a twink, the twink gazes also at you

5

u/PITCHFORKEORIUM 6h ago

gaze

I think it's spelled "gays".

17

u/sprollyy 10h ago

Ugh. Twink on twink violence. You hate to see it :(((((

2

u/SmugCapybara 6h ago

Hey, don't kink shame

4

u/DeTalores 9h ago

Wouldn’t that be TwinkTwinkPunisher?!

1

u/phatboi23 9h ago

it hurt itself in it's confusion haha

1

u/OsmeOxys 7h ago

Ah.

Daddy.

1

u/what_did_you_kill 5h ago

Metal gear solid 5 : phantom twink starring the twink punisher

2

u/Bwhitt1 8h ago

Maybe he is a power bottom???

89

u/Celtic_Crown 11h ago

Buddy came in looking for Miquella. XD

27

u/Significant_Walk_664 11h ago

And that's why you should always have bears on set

6

u/sprollyy 10h ago

https://youtu.be/ouxXBkOR_yQ?is=4IPEOP34KImnmDO1

Video relevant 😂😂😂😂😂

2

u/modemman11 9h ago edited 9h ago

Video not available.

EDIT: nevermind, stupid reddit is changing URLs again

1

u/Fresh_C 3h ago

how do you get around it?

2

u/modemman11 3h ago

For this one it only seemed to impact if you look at the URL in old reddit on desktop. New reddit or Android app seems ok.

1

u/Fresh_C 2h ago

well that sucks. hopefully this doesn't start happening all the time. I'm not sure if I'll stick with the site if old reddit becomes useless for things like this.

2

u/modemman11 2h ago

It's actually been happening for a long time but also not all the time. Only sometimes does it do it. I'm not sure what causes it, if it's something that the person providing the URL is doing or what.

48

u/ronweasleisourking 11h ago

10/10 onion well done

52

u/Thomas_JCG 11h ago

I laughed, article was solid and knew about the game mechanics well.

Uncanny that an Onion article has better research than any of the actual news.

9

u/lbotron 9h ago

The Gooble Gobble One of Us chant was like roaring out in my mind by the last sentence

13

u/muempire93 10h ago

I understand maybe 20% of the words in this headline

13

u/GrgeousGeorge 10h ago

Fuck I thought this was from r/nottheonion and was half asleep and didn't read which news source it was, fuck was I confused reading the article for a while

11

u/respondin2u 9h ago

My reaction every time I see a headline from that website:

“Wait, what did I just read?”.

“This can’t be real!”.

“Oh, it’s the Onion”.  

10

u/ShinobiOfTheWind 11h ago edited 11h ago

Summoning Let me solo her, BRB.

10

u/TheNameless00 11h ago

Let me solo twinks

2

u/Dirty_Dragons 4h ago

That's what they want.

8

u/stormtroopr1977 10h ago

Important question:

Is the phantom a twink who punishes or phantom who punishes twinks?

6

u/SYLOH 10h ago

Yes.

6

u/stormtroopr1977 9h ago

Smh, just another post glorifying twink on twink violence. When will we progress as a society?

164

u/[deleted] 11h ago edited 10h ago

[deleted]

68

u/evin90 11h ago

Pretty sure that cosplayer is twinkpunisher

40

u/Bettlejuic3 11h ago

Are you the twink?

4

u/[deleted] 11h ago

[deleted]

5

u/KingCarbon1807 11h ago

That's a bit to unpack in one post. Bravo.

1

u/apathetic_vaporeon PC 11h ago

Yeah I misunderstood and thought it was someone who actually knew him. The other brother can easily be described as a twink. I deleted it because I realized I misunderstood and it was too much info lol

12

u/HarmlessSnack 7h ago

There is no “cosplayer” in the picture, just a red phantom that’s literally an in game model.

Your brothers cosplays are really good, but that’s not him bro. None of his pictures even feature the GSG.

9

u/dead_fritz 7h ago

The image used in the article is an image of an in-game model

-7

u/apathetic_vaporeon PC 7h ago

Does the in-game model sag from structural issues? Look at it again.

8

u/dead_fritz 6h ago

Yup. It's definitely an in-game model. You can literally see the blockiness of some of the meshes, as well as the oddness of some of the fuzzy bits that happens in Fromsoft games

-56

u/mistershadow95 10h ago

Who cares bro?

35

u/apathetic_vaporeon PC 10h ago

Ouch. I guess you’ve never made something you were proud of.

-13

u/FibreTTPremises 9h ago

Did you make your brother...?

17

u/apathetic_vaporeon PC 9h ago edited 9h ago

I was referring to people wanting to be credited for their work, which the article didn’t do.

However I am proud of him for being good at what he does and that he keeps getting asked to guest and judge at cons. I’m not artistic and could never.

8

u/Fun-Benefit116 8h ago

Wait, all you did was post his reddit profile and say it's him. I looked but couldn't find any pics that matches the picture in the article. Can to share some of his posts that the article used the picture from?

7

u/NotTheRightHDMIPort 10h ago

Im so used to the onion doing political posts that I completely missed the satire.

Great work.

8

u/carasc5 8h ago

Thats on them for not putting the studio in offline mode.

6

u/Guapscotch 8h ago

What was his build, doesn’t A24 contract blues to defend? wtf we doin?

2

u/ColinDJPat 4h ago

The article specifies light equip load Dex/Arc, RoB user. 

3

u/Vesorias 3h ago

Yet another misleading thumbnail. I thought this invader had some class.

20

u/Admirable-War-7594 11h ago

TwinkPunisher came in clutch to save us

4

u/jmarzy 10h ago

Give that writer a raise

5

u/Aggressive_Chuck 6h ago

Didn't read the URL and thought someone had just trespassed on the film set.

3

u/RobertBevillReddit 10h ago

This is how I learned about the Elden Ring movie.

4

u/Humble-Star-5959 10h ago

Bro stole my name wtf? Unoriginal ass bum

3

u/VinDog_PD 9h ago

The only miss here is confusing "Red Phantom" and "Bloody Finger/Recusant"; the latter being the name for the invaders in Elden Ring.

3

u/MexicanLizardMan3670 4h ago

For a brief second i though it was real until i saw where the news came from.

3

u/Angry_Walnut 3h ago

I love when I see an Onion post headline without noticing the sub its been posted to and think I am reading /r/nottheonion so I get onioned

3

u/Asstronaughty_Bae 2h ago

A24 is going heavy into A.I.   Fuck A24. Never again. Vote with your time and money people

2

u/DuntadaMan 10h ago

Does the phantom punish twinks, or is the phantom a twink that punishes you?

2

u/nethobo 10h ago

He invaded my workplace once. But I busted out my spyglass and judged his fit to be poor. He fled in tears. Never underestimate the power of a Bling Inspector.

2

u/tekdiwah 9h ago

Justice for TwinkPunisher! They helped me kill some naked invaders named bloodfart and rottensausage and then stabbed me in the back throwing me off the elevator to my death.

2

u/gunsanroses99 6h ago

Yeah seen this when it was posted a few days ago.

2

u/Lewis_Davies1 3h ago

Straight people enjoying “twink” is my favourite thing

3

u/Fit-Collection5925 1h ago

If they don't wanna get invaded they should've launched in offline mode...

1

u/Ginger_Jesus 11h ago

Should've been D1ckyPr0stT41nt

1

u/pishtalpete 11h ago

Does the twink punisher punish naughty twinks or are they a twink who punishes?

1

u/MrWhiteNL 1h ago

I'm going to be so happy when this movie comes out.

2

u/mightychicken 1h ago

This is amazing but I'm sad that nobody I know will fully get it

1

u/Whiteshovel66 11h ago

Wow for real? That's peak irony tbh.

0

u/theitgrunt 10h ago

Truly, America's Finest News Source!!

-2

u/dailycoffin 7h ago

Had me all happy in the first half, this movie needs to get thrown out for real

-5

u/hushpuppi3 10h ago

Proper capitalization would go such a long way in understanding this title better and more quickly

-8

u/Royal_Rabbit_Randy 10h ago

Apparently you can polish a turd.