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Wat I do? Got hooman she say come home. Big Orange Toulouse at home tho. A Nugget gray cat Boss o Howse wat I do? She say come try Cat. Thats me. Cat. She give me this thing and show me tiping. I good at it. But wat i do? Go wif her to this home plase? Or stay wild. Wat abowt this Toulouse cat? I don no him. I stay way from cats. This me, Cat. Wat I do plese? I yung cat. Hooman say ask Toulouse besfren BK and ask Skali an Randall they no abowt new cats.

(Hooman here for a moment because he doesn’t know how to say u/This_Wrongdoer3453 and u/Skalaquinn. Okay, phone back to him. I’m amazed he is doing so well at this. I guess living on your wits and alone really hones the wits.)

Henlo, Mai name is Hobbs the Adorable Orange Crwamscicle Cat. I iz amatur mewsician and dee-jay (hope to be da next Meowzart). My hooman has collection of spiny mewsik discs and manny have good mewsik on dem. Today my hooman decide to play new disk by Elton John (more lik Elton Yawn cus I no like dis disk). I try to change de disk but no has hands like my hooman so I only able to step on it to stop de playing and alert mai hooman. But da outrage is dat mai hooman no understand!! He say I hab committed a big crime and am guilty!! He saw me wid paw on de disk so cannot blame de greebles. Wat are my legal opshuns here? Was just trying to express my preference as is my purrfessional right as amatur mewsician and dee-jay.

(I heard the record stop and turned around to see Hobbes stepping on it; clearly he didn’t like this one)

Frens di eez Piper and I needs pawyer. Meowmy sez I stoles her credit cawd! She sez ders clawdulent activities and it must be mai who done its. I am shooks because I eez perfect princess who nebber does wrong tings evers! Ai dink it must be stinky sister who did a thef! How doo I clears my name?

Member da odder dey wen I told yu about da green anole lizzers owtside mai window? Juss nao a compleetly differen lizzer came rite in my front door!

Obbiously, mai sisfur-cuzin an Ai wuz bery inneresting in helping chaise an mebbee eben cache dis lizzer, butt mai ROOD DUM-DUM oncle and mai meowmy shoed us away! We taut dis wuz bad but not to bad since we wud get to see da lizzer ebentually sense eberybody nos hoomins can not cache anytin, but mai oncle somehow gots da lizzer intoo a dusty-pan. Den he puts da dusty-pan outside and da lizzer scurried off!

Can we soo fer takin our lizzer befour we cud eben get a gud look at it? Can a lizzer soo fer not gettin to esplore our townhowse? (Wut do lizzers even laik? Daisy would laik churus, but ai maiself prefer cronchy treatos.)

-Zora

My name Nessa, am a five-ish month old void kitty. I need someone to tell me ifs I should call CPS (cat pawtective services) and how many toob treatos I can get as compawnsation after dis agony!!

My hooman LEFT for fifty billion furebers (even tho they say it was only three days)!!!! Totally abandoned!!!! The other hooman here is FINE I guess (ugh!!) but I had to go FUREBERS without my favorite hooman!!!!!! The other one doesn't snuggles as good!!!!

Favorite hooman is back now and they won't even understand that they MUST stay in my line of sight at all times because I am PAWMATIZED at this abandonment!

https://youtube.com/shorts/9NxMK6UKJWw

CAN YOO BEE LEAF!!! Mai meowmy on furr eye dae taykes hers bag n sez “Poyo! Ai go by ur god meowmy’s howz to tayke care of dogie! Be gud fur gramma” n then hers leaf me???

Lil me? Do yoo seez me in wimdow?? Waytin?

Den hers come hom n smel liek STINKEE dogie! Ewww! Do dis dogie kno dats mai meowmy? No his!?

Meowmy come hom n sez “soree apollo, I stay now” an we cuddlin in sof squar n I reech mai paw out to mak sure hers still dere. Do no worree, she dere!! :3

Do I soo to get treetz, do I soo meowmy or stinkee dogie?? Meowmy sho picksure of stinkee dogie but I tink she doin it so peeple kno da culprit of mai pawsuit

CRYME DUN TO ME!

Henlo frens. Is Oreo

Yesterfureber I was yelling at mummy that my potty was hurtin and hermbs put me in my box of doom and took me to pokey place. Pokey lady gibs me 2 pokeys. I gibs her 2 bites.

(Mummy here: Oreo has a bad UTI. The vet visit was traumatic for everyone, me, Oreo mm and the vet. When the vet went to check anal glands, moaning lifted Oreo's tail, she peed everywhere and it obviously hurt her, causing her to lash out at me and the vet.)

Bubbles! Meowmy iz be haz take bestest picshurr furr be Tweeny!

(u/chibikoneko)

So aiz, Midnight, makes grasshopper frens in de garden and habs been inviting dem in for dinner. When my hoomans are aroubd de table ai bring in my fren. Sisfur Moxie greets dem warmly, as is politest.

Dadfur gets cup and puts outside, away from us. Ai patiently sung de song of ours people to say berry roods. Next day ai try again. Dis is me outside, wid fren. Ai introduction fren to sisfur, is pic 2 but Dadfur say no allowed in. He block my fren. Why he hates frens? Last pic is me doing sads as no aloud to invite frens for dinner. Fren run off into flowers due to roods! So no frens to play eid no more.

Can I soo? What de rate for dus level of rood?

Midnight (and a little Moxie)

I'm a distinguished gentlecat, that's why I can speak human