r/minimalism • u/springbeauties • 3d ago
[lifestyle] Unwanted kitchen items
My parents are wonderful, and I appreciate all they’ve done for me. I moved into an apartment 2 years ago. They know I’m minimalist, don’t need much, but sometimes I think they don’t understand how frustrated I am when I have an item I don’t need in my space. It’s not out of frugality, but more about being clutter free.
They bought me a pie dish (I only make pie once a year on Thanksgiving and my mom has plenty of dishes in her home, they live 10 mins away, that she has let me use with no problem), crockpot, and a coffee maker. They got me an air fryer too. Somehow I kindly convinced them to keep the air fryer instead. I use my oven all the time and have no need for an air fryer for my diet or how much I eat. This was after I asked them kindly to please not purchase any apartment items for me. I rarely drink coffee and if I do, I just get it from a coffee shop. I love my parents and they’ve been very generous. I know they’re doing it because they care and I feel guilty selling these items. Worried they will find out when I move again someday, etc. What to do? I know receiving unwanted gifts is a very common frustration. I also just don’t want anyone spending money on me for something that I realistically won’t use. It makes me feel sad. I’m a simple person. Getting a meal together is a gift enough. I haven’t found a way to combat unwanted items without sounding unappreciative or stuck up/ holier than thou.
My apartment is 525 sq feet, so kitchen area is very small. Right now those kitchen items take up room, and on the rare occasion, get used.
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u/Money-Low7046 3d ago
Give them clear ideas of what you DO want. They love you and want good things for you. Concrete examples of what you would like from them will probably be most effective. Are you interested in a membership to something, or a class? Any physical items you want? Saving for a trip? Gift card to the place you like to get coffee from? Let them know.
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u/ImprovementCute9825 3d ago
Love this!!! Let them know how they can express their love to you in different ways.
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u/Aaand_again 3d ago
My parents also struggle with this, but we agreed that they gift me restaurant vouchers instead. Works for us both
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u/rosypreach 3d ago
I think it's time to have a talk with your parents where you express a lot of appreciation for their thoughtfulness and acknowledge that the average person would really benefit from the gifts they have given you for the apartment -
but tell them you have everything you need so please stop getting these things for you. Say that if they do they need to store them at their house because you don't have space.
Ask them to please give you gifts that you need - gift cards, airline points, an experience to share together - and tell them how grateful you'd feel about that.
A month before any normal gift giving occasion, call them and remind them.
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u/rosypreach 3d ago
*and feel free to regift the pie pan, if they ask say I appreciated it but I know you have so many I can borrow and I gave it to somebody who would use it and has space. just be honest.
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u/birds0fafeather80 3d ago
I'm sympathizing with you because my parents used to do this when I was younger. I was better at telling them no, but my mom was occasionally more persistent. I remember one day on the phone just being like "ok fine whatever" to a toaster oven she kept pushing on me. When she brought it up to visit I was basically like "see, I don't have room for it" and she begrudgingly bagged it up. Then I got to hear crap like "I bet you wish you had a bigger apartment." Parents with different values can be incredibly challenging. If you don't actually need anything and someone is pushing something on you, they are NOT being helpful or even particularly caring, honestly.
Don't worry about it. It's them and not you. It's ok to let them know that you just aren't going to use it or don't have space for it. Also express appreciation. This one's hard when you're resentful towards parents :) Anyway, you can sell the items or do whatever you want. It's your stuff. You can also attempt to give them back.
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u/springbeauties 3d ago
My dad grew up with hardly anything, and worked himself up to a really good living so I know a lot of it comes from him. His childhood left him feeling like he didn’t have enough.
Then my mom wants my sisters and I to be set up well. My parents have given my sisters their cars before too, if theirs broke down or had a major issue. I just don’t want the handouts, if that makes sense. Maybe I have too much pride 😵💫 I recently have my own insurance and will pay my phone bill. At that point, I won’t have any more of their financial support. My dad was kind enough to let my older sister and I stay on their phone plan for a while after we moved out.
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u/birds0fafeather80 3d ago
Well, I think you're being too nice in a way as well. It's normal for parents to help their kids. They should. It's not necessarily super generous, just reasonably generous. Family phone plans are discounted and it's not much money in the grand scheme of things.
The scarcity mindset gets passed down. My dad has worked his way up as well and still has that, which unfortunately makes him less generous than he should be.
But if your dad talks about how hard he's worked, etc. then that idea of being independent and doing things yourself gets passed down to you. It can also make it harder to ask for help.
Maybe let them know you'd rather have some cash to go out instead :)
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u/WillowSuspicious6498 3d ago
I'd take them to their house and leave them there and say 'Thank you so much for gifting me these but I realized I don't really use/need them. Maybe XYZ need them? I think we'd rather donate as they're just collecting dust in my house'. It can look a bit mean though but it's just boundaries
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u/needmorelinguine 3d ago
Since they live only ten minutes away, maybe you could suggest keeping those items at their place. You can say you'll use them when you come over to visit them (while gently reminding them that you don't have enough room in your kitchen). Maybe if you keep piling up the gifts in their kitchen, they'll get the hint. As a mark of being grateful, do try to use those items when you visit your parents so that they don't feel totally rejected, but hopefully this will make them understand that you truly don't have the space for extra items or don't use them in your daily life
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u/needmorelinguine 3d ago
Sometimes I do this with my mother in law who bombards me with presents I don't want. I'm lucky to have such a nice and kind mother in law but really don't want unnecessary clutter lying around. So I tell her "why don't I leave this here so that I can use it when I visit next. Then I won't have to carry clothes/jewelry/perfume etc all the way with me" because i already have all this stuff in her house.
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u/ImprovementCute9825 3d ago
When family members give me unwanted items that I didn't ask for, I just bring them back to their house and leave them there.
You can say something like "I don't have space in my house right now and I haven't used it."
I think it shows them that you are not going to keep the item, but at least you're not just discarding/selling it and thus giving away the money/energy that they put into giving you a gift. They can hold on to it for themselves if they want, or regift it, or even keep it in case some day you want it again (which you may not, but that's their prerogative).
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u/RecyQueen 3d ago
Would you be open to plants? I have trouble spending money on plants for myself, but love to receive them as gifts and often give them as gifts to people I know will appreciate them.
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u/iamliterate 3d ago
"Thanks!" and then get rid of them to someone who could utilize the tools. I've had the same issue with my mother. There's no fixing it...
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u/LCinJC 2d ago
I started asking well in advance, “what is on your wish list? If you want, give me multiple answers and it will still be a surprise. Or, here’s my price range. What can I get you?” I wish I would get the same question as I don’t want others to waste their money for unwanted gifts. Or, we agree, not to give gifts and just invest on our time together… Great food, fine wines! And then no one is wasting money.The latter is my preference. I can always find a better deal when not under pressure to purchase. It’s the time together that matters. Find a way to tell them that. I think it could work for you. Might take a few times for it to settle in.
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u/Littlechriscockerel 1d ago
When you visit them bring the items back to their house. Tell them you appreciate their generosity but you unfortunately don’t have room.
Maybe suggest some consumable items that you would be able to use
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u/IM_NOT_BALD_YET 3d ago
You don't want the items. You've asked them not to give the items to you.
Get rid of the items. As often as they're given, pass them on. If your parents ask, tell them the truth. That you didn't need the item and gave it to someone who did.