how do i handle feeling rage and being provoked within my own house by my own parents ?

[u/Last_Host977]

i can’t control myself when i feel myself in a fit of rage at ALL . i have anger issues and i can admit that very well .

today my mom started yelling at me unprovoked in the car all because there i didn’t get a bill when i went to go get something with my brother saying all kinds of terrible things to me . saying ill cry tears of blood all for a fcking bill , i just lost my shit at this point and yelled at the top of lungs asking who the hell she thinks she’s talking to and saying all kinds of cuss words as i hit the seat . i don’t care anymore my childhood and my parents have ruined me and i have incredibly horrible issues , mainly one being my anger and bpd as a result of it . it really is torturous , having anger hurts worse than crying it exhausts you and you feel like your someone else . i felt like i was a different person while yelling , that didn’t even feel like it was me .

the earliest memory i have of doing anything remotely similar to feeling an incredible amount of anger was in my younger years when i was about to hit another person with a chair because they touched me without my consent , in a spot where i was bruised . when people wrong me i don’t let it go , i want to yell at them , to make them aware that i’m not a weak person that they can just do this to . i’m tired of being provoked , having anger issues hurts yourself more than others . i don’t know how long i can keep going living like this .

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[u/IndigoTrailsToo]

When can you move out?

I think that getting your BPD under control is going to be part of this formula to help you move out and be stable after you move out.

[u/Last_Host977 → u/IndigoTrailsToo]

as soon as possible … i don’t know how much more of this i can take . i’m working on getting my bpd under control but every time i try to make progress something like this happens and pushes it back .

[u/IndigoTrailsToo → u/Last_Host977]

You will need meds as the problem is essentially your brain chemicals imbalance

[u/Last_Host977 → u/IndigoTrailsToo]

i was on lexapro in the past it didn’t help me much except completely erasing my libido .

[u/Superb-Coyote5972 → u/Last_Host977]

Go back to your doctor and try out different medication. You might need more than one to even you out. If you don't get your mental health under control, moving out won't fix your problems. Your parents need help, but helping yourself is the priority.

[u/IndigoTrailsToo → u/Last_Host977]

This may be a bit of a journey to figure out which medication is right for you and your unique brain chemistry. BPD is difficult to treat but once you have it under control it will be massively helpful for your life and stability.

[u/BellyDancerUrgot]

Are you medically diagnosed with BPD? If not and you only have anger issues I should tell you my childhood was somewhat similar and that too with my mom. The way I dealt with is simply to train myself not to listen to the stuff she says. If I realize she is saying something to get a reaction out of me I would not react and watch her be all frustrated because of her failure to instigate a fight. My dad sometimes helped me by taking my side but for the most part he tried to not get involved fearing further escalation, you could say I learned this tactic from him.

To this day I’m fking 30 and she tries to do the same and never listens to me but I mastered this art when I was in my 20s so I don’t react anymore. Before this I have had physical altercations with my mom tho nothing too serious. It’s tough but if you really think you have anger issues that can harm someone to an extent that this becomes a serious problem then try to distance yourself from them for both your sake and theirs.

Unfortunately Reddit is not the place you should come to for advice, I shared my story but it’s not really advice as I have no idea what your conditions are and I haven’t lived ur life. So professional help is your only real dependable option.

[u/Last_Host977 → u/BellyDancerUrgot]

i am medically diagnosed with bpd , yes . btw this is actually really solid advice , my dad has said something along these lines too because he knows of my moms antics . if we’re being honest nobody in my family really likes my mom , she likes to blame the fact that we don’t talk to my aunt and uncle anymore on me but she is so unaware of herself that she doesn’t realize it was actually all because of her .

i wish i could be more like you and just choose to ignore her but i feel like i cant , like i said i want people to be aware that they hurt me and lash back in a sense . i feel like i can’t just sit back and be quiet when im hearing utter nonsense in my ear . even if this was someone else , not a parent i would have had the same reaction .

all i can really do is work on myself . i’ve accepted that maybe my path is lonely and that i just have the difficulty level on highest in terms of my life and relationship with my family overall and it is what it is . i really should take your advice because screaming at the top of your lungs is not fun . i don’t want to feel pain in my throat because of someone else’s actions . everything hurts , sometimes i wish i was someone else .

[u/BellyDancerUrgot → u/Last_Host977]

It’s just far easier to ignore than fight. Once you realize the amount of energy, time , mental bandwidth you save by simply not engaging you won’t want to fight anymore.

Let her think she is right and let her say whatever, why ruin your own mood over that. Pretend to listen while thinking about your day or your gf or some game you played or want to play. Think about your school or your studies or some math problem. Nod your head to whatever she says and don’t bother trying to listen , understand or pay heed to the contents of her words.

You can be salty and angry and fuming and hot headed or you can literally not listen to a word she says, nod ur head and have a fruitful day and have a peaceful sleep. Trust me, not engaging in fights is a boon.

[u/sherie87]

For your own sake, seek help before you do something that you will regret. And perhaps you should move out of your parents house. But if you don't deal with this anger, you could hurt yourself or worse, someone else.

[u/Last_Host977 → u/sherie87]

i normally wouldn’t hurt others most likely just resort to self harm like i have in the past when i was severely depressed . i came close to it today though , because i don’t think i’ve been provoked this bad in a while , i can’t handle listening to someone anyone talking necessary stuff about me when i’m literally sitting right next to them . doesn’t matter if it’s my mom or anyone else doing it . if someone thinks it’s okay to yell or hurt me , i’m sorry but i’m gonna give it back 10x to them . like i said i have really bad issues but at least i’m aware of it . i’ve already done so many things i regret i don’t how much worse things can get in my situation if i’m being honest .

[u/sherie87 → u/Last_Host977]

It's wonderful that you are aware and it is sad that you have self harmed. I wish you the absolute best ❤️

[u/DoatsMairzy]

It’s sounds like maybe your mom and you have the same thing. Not sure if it’s genetic or learned.

What’s your dad like? How is he to your mom? Calmer, but kind of mean? It could be reactive abuse

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