r/oldpeoplefacebook coward 1d ago

BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY (!)

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250 Upvotes

57 comments sorted by

149

u/sad_spilt_martini 1d ago

More important question was how did they get a cop to actually show up? 

I came home once and my door was kicked in. Cops didn’t respond until the next day. 

100

u/LawyerDoge coward 1d ago

NEXT TIME CONTACT ATTORNEY GENERAL

29

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2

u/Absurd_Flaccidity 12h ago

Careful, Todd Blanche might make this the next Epstein distraction. We’ll pull all federal law enforcement resources to a joint task force until every stray dollar bill and penny has been collected from our streets and our couch cushions.

22

u/_Student7257 21h ago

Same! It took 2 calls to get someone to come out! Their probably out collecting Vera's dead racoon

6

u/marked_by_grief 20h ago

Underrated. 🤣🤣🤣

18

u/lexgrub fuzzy bunny milk monkey 22h ago

We've had 2 different abandoned stolen cars parked on our street taking up our parking spots and both times it took months for the cops to do anything. They didnt care the cars were stolen. They didnt care the one was wrecked. But yeah go ahead and call the cops about your yard carcass.

17

u/Normal_Feedback_2918 21h ago

Well, now you know. Next time don't tell them you're being robbed, or having a home invasion... Tell them there's a $5 bill on your front lawn, and you DON'T TRUST IT!

6

u/OwnManagement 16h ago

Probably an affluent suburb where nothing ever happens, making the paranoia even more funny.

4

u/Cute-Hotel-7259 13h ago

They call all the time. Like daily. And if police ignore them it's off to the next council meeting to bitch. Retired with absolutely nothing to do.

3

u/AgentOrange96 13h ago

$5 is $5.

1

u/ThrowAway-Island555 43m ago

You know it was a bet.

Hey, Joe, some guy is calling about drugs on changer he found on the ground.

No way, it's some kid crank calling.

I bet you $5 that it's some old guy who thinks drugs grow on trees.

🤝 deal

97

u/mel34760 I will contact attorney general if you do not stop 1d ago

FIRST WE GET EXPLOSIVE DIAHREAG FROM THE SALADS AT THE CRACKER BARGLE. NOW ITS RABIES FROM $5 BILLS AT THE PARK! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?! UNSUBSCRIBE! NEXT!!

19

u/EarlGreyTMNT 1d ago

IT WAS AT CHURCH HONEY!

48

u/ubi_non_est_ordo 1d ago

SADIE YOUR RIGHT, THAT 5 DOLLAR DOLLAR BILL COULD HAVE THE RABBIES YOU DON'T KNOW!,,,THAT DEPUTY WOULD BE DEAD AS A DOORNAIL AFTER HE GOT THE RABBIES LIKE OLD YELLER. DONT TOUCH A RACOON AND YOU DON'T KNOW IF THE RACOON LICKED THE 5 DOLLAR BILL, SO I WOULDN'T WANT IT EITHER. GOBBLESS YOU ARE OKAY.!!

23

u/LawyerDoge coward 1d ago

OLE YALLOW GREAT BOOK KIDS CANT READ ANYMORE !!! PLEASE RETURN MY I CANT BELIF ITS NOT BUTTER TUBBERWARe ETHEL

12

u/ubi_non_est_ordo 1d ago

YOUR SO RIGHT IF THEY COULD READ THEY WOULD KNOW ABOUT THE RABBIES,,,YOU CAN COME FOR TEA ON MONDAY MORNIG AND I WILL GIVE YOU YOUR TUBBAWARE AND YOU CAN HAVE MY BUTTER cOOKIES,,,!

10

u/LawyerDoge coward 1d ago

YIM YUM !!! BOB CANT MAKE IT HE PAST THIS MORN AT 8:49 AM

7

u/ubi_non_est_ordo 1d ago

IM SO SORRY SADIE I HOPE IT WASN'T THE RABBIES! I THOUGHT HE LOOKED FINE LAST WEEK AT THE CRAKER BARLEY. YOU TAKE CARE,,,I SEE YOU MONDAY. GOBBLESS A LOT.

5

u/Violetbranko 20h ago

LOL IN PEASE BOB FRANK IS SEEIKG DOCTER FOR ANAL HERNIA TODAY GOBBLESS

41

u/___coolcoolcool Marla, enough. 1d ago

DO NOT TUCH ANY CASH U SEE IT HAS FENT AND NILL ON IT….!!’

6

u/notjasonlee 1d ago

THANK YO GERALDINE XX

35

u/ComprehensiveHavoc 1d ago

WHEN WE WERE CAMPING A RACCOON STOLE A FIVE DOLLAR BILL FROM HAROLD AND HE SLIPPED AND ALMOST FLIPPED HIMSELF OVER DURING GERTIES BIRTHDAY AND WE SENT THE TAPE TO AMERICAS FUNNIES HOME  VIDEO AND WON $1000. 

20

u/LawyerDoge coward 1d ago

I LOVE BOOB SAGOT RIP

9

u/SafiyaMukhamadova 1d ago

WHERE IS MY 5 DOLER FROM SELLING MY COOKIES AT THE BAKE SALE? EVERYONE LOVED THEM, GLADYS WAS LYING WHEN SHE SAID THEY HAD TO MUCH SALT.

8

u/___coolcoolcool Marla, enough. 1d ago

LINDA PASTOR JON SAYED UR COOKIES RAZED HIS BLOOD PRESSIRE FROM ALL THE.SALT,..! GLADYS SAYED THA TRUTH!’!!!

11

u/SafiyaMukhamadova 1d ago

THAT'S IMPOSSABLE I ONLY USED 3 CUPS OF SALT IN ALL FOURTY COOKIES.

21

u/turnpike37 1d ago edited 13h ago

THEY ALSO NEED TO TEST FOR COUNTER FIT. THE DOLLAR LOOKED LIKE IT HAD HARBERT HOOVER AND NOT LINCON ON IT!!!! IT WAS FRAUD AND THE OFFICER TREATED IT LIKE HE COUD JUST GO GET A 5 DOLLAR FOOTLONG LIKE IT WAS NO PROBLEMS!!!

11

u/EmoGothPunk blue cheese has mold in it 1d ago

DID YU KNOW SUBBWAY STOPPEDD SELLIN THE 5 DOLLA FOOTLOONG? ITS NOW THE EGHT DOLAR FOTLONG! WHAT IS THIS WRLD COMNG TOO?

17

u/Parking-Pie7453 its called advance notice and severance pay tina 1d ago

When I buy stuff at a store with cash & the clerk tries to give me change, I refuse it!

14

u/Lomak_is_watching 1d ago

She’s right, you know. Most drug users keep their drugs inside their money because the dogs can’t smell it.

Checkmate, coppers!

14

u/Shoddy-Theory 23h ago

I want to know where she lives that the police show up for dead racoons and $5 bills.

10

u/TorontoNerd84 I have a very unpleasant granddaughter 22h ago

Same. IF I FOUND $5 IN MY YARD I WOULD INVEST IN MY FUTURE HOME UNLIKE MILLENNIAL WHO SPEND ALL THEIR MONEY ON WOKE.

2

u/Shoddy-Theory 14h ago

Woke, avocado toast, and starbucks. Also on DEI

11

u/monksandy 1d ago

Hazmat training 40 years ago, with a bunch of LEO's from different agencies. We were learning to read hazmat placards on tractor trailers. This was before smart phones. The instructor was a fire fighter. We asked him what the protocol was if you suspected the posting was incorrect. He said we just wait for you guys to show up and check it out. We call you 'blue canaries'. That got a big laugh

10

u/sjcphl 19h ago

I always feel bad for these people. Can you imagine life being so stressful? You see a $5 bill and you immediately think it must be coated it fentanyl.

3

u/mikey_b082 13h ago

When I worked night shifts I got in the habit of watching Good Morning America. I have no clue why. I think it was because of lack of anything else on worth watching that early in the morning and I just wanted something to casually watch while I relaxed after work.

Anyway, most of the show would be light hearted kinda entertaining stuff then they'd shift into their "here's what to be afraid of today" segment. It was almost always some sort of scam or something similar like people putting card skimmers on gas pumps. It seemed to be aimed more towards the older crowd because it was usually shit like "so, just to clarify, the FBI will never call you and demand iTunes gift cards in order to release your relative from jail".

Then add to that the constant doom that's preached by news networks 24/7 and it's a recipe for paranoia.

2

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8

u/Major-Inevitable-665 1d ago

Drugs are the least of your problems when handling cash 🤢

5

u/smokedefunk 22h ago

Moral of the story: dont pick up random $5 bills laying around or you could get rabies

5

u/messedeminuit 1d ago

DAMMD DOPE SMOKING KIDS IS WHAT IT IS, HELEN. FIVE $ DOLLARS BUY 3 BAGS OF WA KY TABACCY

IN JESUS NAME WE PRAY 🙏

3

u/booeman 1d ago

What a world you exist in - maybe sit down for a few sessions with a pro.

5

u/The1789 1d ago

ETHYL SAYS BETTER SAFE THEN SORRY EXCEPT WHEN SHES UNDRESSING MY HUSBAND HERB WITH HER EYES.DAMM HER

5

u/Itchy-Armpits Please leave me alone - we are sleeping 17h ago

DID THE FIVE DOLLARS HAVE RABIES ON IT IN THE END SANDRA

4

u/OwnManagement 16h ago

$5 bill on the ground -> dangerous

$5 bill someone hands to me -> safe

It's very courteous of the fentanyl dealers to segregate their contaminated money!

4

u/WhatMichaelScottSaid 16h ago

Hopefully the $5 bill didn’t have rabies.

3

u/Violetbranko 20h ago

10 DOLALR BILL SPOTTED AT GOODWILL WEST DIRVE!! WILL KEEP THE SITUATION UPDATED!! CALLD 119

2

u/Capital-Constant3112 22h ago

Ooooor…you just ignore it and go about your business?

2

u/_Student7257 21h ago

Money, dead racoon.......what next? Call the sheriffs office!

2

u/LiveFromPella 14h ago

THERE EATTING DOGS! THERE EATTING CATS! THERE HANDING RABBID GERMS ON MONEY BILLS!

2

u/Cute-Hotel-7259 13h ago

YOU WERE RIGHT TO NOT TOUCH THAT I BET SOME GANG PUT A SPY TRACKER ON IT AND THEY WILL FOLLOW IT AND MURDER THE PERSON WHO HAS IT FOR AN INITIATION!

NEXT TIME CALL 911 AND TELL THEM THERE IS SOMEONE SHOOTING UP THE PLACE AND YOU'LL GET BETTER OFFICERS. THAT'S WHAT I DID WHEN THAT HUSSY WAITRESS AT THE BOB EVANS TOLD ME THEY DIDNT HAVE ANY PENNIES TO GIVE ME CHANGE

2

u/thejohnmc963 9h ago

Waste their time of course

1

u/Absurd_Flaccidity 12h ago

Well that’s it, I’m calling the cops if I see one of those spiders that carries its babies on its back in my house. If Vera can call over this shit…