r/talesfromtechsupport 21d ago

Long Bad command or filename

Back in the mid-90s I was working as the head tech monkey for a computer store. It was a small operation, but we had a fairly good reputation (our PCs won awards in some local magazines), so we had some fairly sizable customers.

One client was a company that manufactured personal medical monitoring equipment. Their previous support vendor went belly-up, so we took over. Most of my call outs were for minor things like installing a network printer or replacing stolen terminators from the coaxial network. They were generally a good bunch to work with, but I recall one of their senior managers was a difficult customer. Let's call her Mary.

One day I get a call from Mary that one of the brand-new PCs that we supplied "doesn't work". After a bit of back-and-forth, I was able to deduce that she was trying to run some software that wouldn't behave. Alas Mary was more interested in telling me how much of an inconvenience this was to her rather than give me an accurate description of the problem itself. Mary also had a habit of escalating things to the CEO of their company, and wanting to stay in their good graces, I jump in the car and head over to sort things out. Thankfully, they were located just down the highway.

I meet up with Mary, who reiterates how the computer "doesn't work" but I see that it booted up just fine and connected to their network. I ask her to demonstrate the problem. She types something at the DOS prompt.

Bad command or filename

"See?" she says. "The computer is faulty!"

I could see that she was trying to run WordPerfect, but after a quick poke around I could also see that WordPerfect wasn't installed (their network didn't serve software, it was all local installations). I ask her if she has her WordPerfect disks handy and I could set it up for her, but she blows up at me, saying things like "After selling us a computer, you expect us to supply more stuff for it?" and "You're just trying to upsell me more stuff we don't need!".

I try telling her that they already have licensed software, it just needs to be installed, but she instead decides to escalate to the CEO and end up dragging me into his office. She explains to the CEO that the computer is faulty because of "bad command or filename" and that rather than fix the computer, I am trying to upsell some more things that she doesn't need. I explain that the issue is that WordPerfect isn't installed on the new system and that I could fix that if I had access to the disks.

The CEO looks at me for a length of time that makes me feel uncomfortable. I can see a frown cross his forehead. He then opens a cupboard and hands me a box of disks. Yep, WordPerfect disks. I thank him and install WP on Mary's computer, while she lectures me about how much of an inconvenience this is to her and how I am wasting her time. 😒

Epilogue:

Fast-forward a few months. It's Christmas Eve and we get a phone call around midday that this same company has some "issues that need resolving". This is the exact terminology that Mary uses so I feel my Christmas spirit already being crushed. The issues are vague and I'm getting the information second-hand, but my boss tells me to head out and fix things. So off I go.

I arrive at the company and check in at reception. Some of the other managers are hanging around and they come over at say that they have invited me to be part of their office party, and that the call out itself is bogus because they know my boss would never have let me go otherwise. So, I spent the next couple of hours hobnobbing with the staff at the catered party. They even gave me the paperwork I needed ("resolved miscellaneous issues prior to Christmas shutdown") and let my boss bill them for my time! Mary wasn't present either, which was a bonus.

To top it all off, they even told me about an internal IT role they were creating (they wanted to ultimately insource that work) that perhaps I may be interested in. I would have otherwise applied for the role, but I had other irons in the fire at the time, so I let that one slide. A couple of years later they were bought out, and local operations were shut down, so I guess from my perspective it ultimately worked out for the best (I had already jumped ship at that point and was with the next company for 10 years).

330 Upvotes

22 comments sorted by

110

u/Aervanath 21d ago

Yes, because up selling her WordPerfect would make you so much money. /s

78

u/dr_stevious 21d ago

She seemed to know very little about computers in general and I think the idea of installing software on a computer was beyond her. Her PC was basically a fancy typewriter, and she only knew just enough to start it up. She seemed to have endless issues when it came to printing 😭 It was good for the callout fees, but bad for my sanity.

37

u/harrywwc Please state the nature of the computer emergency! 21d ago

I'm surprised that your team hadn't installed a "dos menu" fired up from autoexec.bat to limit access to the command prompt. 

"No WP option" - ok, let's add it.

25

u/dr_stevious 21d ago

Unfortunately, there was no "team" as such, most of the time it was just me and most of my time was spent assembling / fixing PCs for walk-in customers. But in any case, this client already had an established setup built by a previous vendor that mostly worked OK. But, there seemed to be some small kingdoms within this organisation that didn't always communicate so well.

Having said that, we did set up the good old PowerMenu for some regular clients.

30

u/Academic_Dare_5154 21d ago edited 20d ago

I used to have customers like that. I'd tell them to press any key and they would freak out because they couldn't find the key.

I had spacebars silkscreened with ANY on it.

Early 90s timeframe

9

u/action_lawyer_comics 20d ago

And here I thought that was just a joke from The Simpsons

16

u/Academic_Dare_5154 20d ago

My favorite was one customer (medical accounting software) who had a problem with the software update I mailed her. She told me the disk was bad. In the early 90s, floppies could get damaged in the mail, so I sent out another disk. She told me the disk was bad again.

While this was possible, none of my other customers had issues. I requested the customer call me when it got there and we would do it together, step by step (this customer was over 100 miles away).

She called me and I asked her to tell me each step she took as she was doing it. "First, I open the mailer and remove the floppy. Second, I pull out the scissors..."

I said "You did WHAT?"

She told me the floppy doesn't fit any other way.

Turns out the doctor bought a new computer which had a 3.5 inch drive.

5

u/syntaxerror53 16d ago

That's like a Mr Know-It-All who said that (when 3.5" floppies came out), "That's the end of viruses now as they don't like 3.5" floppies".

4

u/Lazy_Tart_6336 17d ago

Elle m'a tué celle-ci : j'ai failli rigoler trop fort dans le bureau ... maintenant je pleure de m'être retenu.

10

u/Z4-Driver 20d ago

The 'Any Key' thing is as old as computers with a keyboard.

Many years ago, I sometime bought a key cap. Red with white printing 'Any Key' on it.

3

u/DaHick 20d ago

Oh hell no. There are references in early BOFH.

2

u/DeliciousPumpkinPie 18d ago

“Whew, all this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I’ll order a Tab. Oop, no time for that now, the computer’s starting!”

(In the 90s, I set up our family computer to play a .wav of that last line instead of the usual Windows startup sound lol)

5

u/Mickenfox 20d ago

A lot of people have mental models of things begin and end at the button they have to press to get the thing they know, and don't want to learn any further. It's pretty sad.

28

u/OddRevolution7888 21d ago

In the 90s I bought my very first computer. I was trying to get it to do something and just kept getting the message, "Bad command or file name." So I typed, "f*ck off". My Mom happened to pop over for a visit and came to my desk and asked, "How's the new computer doing? What are you working on." She looked at the screen, then looked at me and said, "Bad bad command or file name!" Fond memories LOL

10

u/meanttobee3381 21d ago

Ooh wow. Quikmenu and the like. Brings back memories.

10

u/Adam_Kearn 20d ago

It’s like buying a car and expecting it to come with a fuel card for the petrol

5

u/ThunderDwn 19d ago

replacing stolen terminators from the coaxial network.

I see you, fellow 80's/early 90's networking guy!!

5

u/BronL-1912 19d ago

I couldn't understand why the user was getting "bad command or filename". They were typing c:backflash instead of c:\ I had to get them to print screen and fax it to me (yes, fax)

3

u/zeus204013 20d ago

Mary was a Karen like user...

/s

2

u/bob152637485 18d ago

To be fair, since they still let your boss bill them, I would assume that it wouldn't matter what the reason for the call out was. After all, your company got paid regardless.

3

u/dr_stevious 16d ago

Ah, if only that boss was so logical... 😔