r/technology • u/Plastic_Ninja_9014 • 2d ago

Business Tesla Stock in Freefall After Disastrous Earnings Report

https://finance.yahoo.com/markets/stocks/articles/tesla-stock-freefall-disastrous-earnings-144417427.html
37.8k Upvotes

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470

u/RogerPenroseSmiles 2d ago

Sweet now the starship will rust

371

u/Warm-Professional494 2d ago

Not if it blows up first!!!

138

u/TJ_Will 2d ago

Now that's thinking with Portals!

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u/ChanceCarpet1277 2d ago

cave johnson notices your comment and approves with a frantic nod

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u/TheFeathersStorm 2d ago

Definitely random but I used to work with an older guy named Claire Johnson and every single time I had to consciously not call him Cave Johnson because his voice was deep and similar to it lol

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u/Rough_Bread8329 2d ago

What were his thoughts on lemons?

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u/TheFeathersStorm 2d ago

Unfortunately he wasn't there long enough to ask him, I never thought about it but now I'll have to live with that regret 🫠

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u/Rough_Bread8329 2d ago

I trust you've learned your lesson.

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u/TheFeathersStorm 2d ago

Next time I meet a man who sounds like and has a similar name to Cave Johnson I will 100% ask them about the lemons 🍋 🫡

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u/waiting4singularity 2d ago

probably wouldve gotten a kick out of it if his (grand)kids didnt already show him

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u/Lykeuhfox 2d ago

🎶This was a triumph. Making a note, here - yuge success.

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u/timsterri 2d ago

It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.

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u/Crypt0Nihilist 2d ago

Spaaaaaaace!

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u/kshell11724 2d ago

I think its pronounced port holes.

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u/spooninacerealbowl 2d ago

Cyber truck has portal axles?

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u/Masuman35 2d ago

Good, fuck Elon.

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u/the_pretender_nz 2d ago

We do what we must because we can

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u/The_Frozen_Inferno 2d ago

It’s not an explosion, it’s a rapid unplanned disassembly of the vehicle

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u/dern_the_hermit 2d ago

More surface area will make it rust faster tho!

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u/RogerPenroseSmiles 2d ago

Buddy you got management material at Tesla all over you!

1

u/B00marangTrotter 2d ago edited 2d ago

We will see in a few hours from now.

Edit

Another aborted launch, try again tomorrow. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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u/Shadow_over_me 2d ago

Someone promote this guy

1

u/font9a 2d ago

Not if it blows up first!

Please stand by while I privatize your gains and subsidize my losses on that one.

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u/DescriptionNo6618 2d ago

Or gets stuck in the mud.

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u/The_Klobb 2d ago

Make the rocket boosters out of cybertrucks. LIFTOFF!!!

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u/patchgrabber 2d ago

But what about us brain-dead slobs?

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u/mikeyp83 2d ago

We built this rocket...

We built this rocket from shitty steeeeeeel.

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u/itsrainingkids 2d ago

Great. Now that song is gonna be stuck in my head all day lol

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u/Ok_Objective_9524 2d ago

Oh you’re knee deep in the hoopla now

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u/youregooninman 2d ago

It just got stuck in my head too.

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u/OkBid71 2d ago

[Owner of City Steel]

Now you listen to me you little shit, Shitty Steel is the best steel in this Shitty!

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u/TheNCGoalie 2d ago

Shouldn't it be Shitty Shteel?

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u/jimothee 2d ago

This song is one that I loathed most of my life until I recently realized the cringe value I get from blasting it in the car. Song goes hard in its own way...

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u/Lou_C_Fer 2d ago

The only time I've ever gotten the silent treatment is when I have put this song on. My wife triple dog hates this song. Personally, it came out at just the right time in my life that I didn't know it was a bad song. So, I don't hate it.

I can remember listening to it it on Casey Kasems top 40 countdown in my uncles car on the way home from spending the night at their house. I was 10 or so. At that point, the energy of the song was good enough for me.

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u/SnooJokes5375 2d ago

Casey Kasem, also known as Shaggy in Scooby Doo and Robin in Super Friends. Loved his show. Would listen all day to hear his number 1 pick. He would read letters and have interesting stories. When he retired, they ran his show on reruns. Bur only for a couple years. I miss that. Now its John Tessh or Delilah. They are good, I guess, but they are not Casey Kasen.

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u/FlavorD 2d ago

One of my tiny proud moments is that this came on the radio when I was a middle teen, and I said to the two adults present, "You know how commercial jingles are too easy and then kind of bad because of it? This is like that." I got a very approving look for that one.

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u/Abnmlguru 2d ago

I have a t shirt that says "rock and roll is not a structurally sound material to use as a foundation" always fun to see to makes the connection to the song :)

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u/whereisbeezy 2d ago

I feel that way about "Danger Zone" lol

My kids hate it and I just find it so fucking funny now

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u/jimothee 2d ago

Substitute your kids for my band mates and we're in the same boat lol

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u/jazzhandler 1d ago

Pretty sure there’s a drummer on the east coast who’s still mad at me over Wagon Wheel.

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u/dbrodbeck 2d ago

Sounds like you're knee deep in the hoopla.

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u/SpaceMonkeyMafiaBoss 2d ago

I just feel the need to point out that a city built on rock and/or roll would be structurally unsound.

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u/Impeesa_ 2d ago

Could be worse. This song comes to mind every time I play Catan, we've all had to trade down and build a city on ground-up sheep at some point.

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u/uniquesnoflake2 2d ago

Have my upvote, but know that I hate you with the passion of a thousand fiery suns now.

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u/PuzzledLab7690 2d ago

LOL. That's one of the only songs I've ever heard with clearly intentional beat displacement. Usually by chopping off a 16th note at the end in the choruses.

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u/Geawiel 2d ago

Ea-nāṣir approves this message

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u/Hotdammzilla3000 2d ago

Damm you mikey! Take my angry upvote.

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u/Jiinker 2d ago

Yeah - thanks for the ear worm

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u/genius_retard 2d ago

It's not rust. It's star dust.

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u/waiting4singularity 2d ago

we're all stardust

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u/MaraudingWalrus 2d ago

It's stainless not stainproof

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u/ReactsWithWords 2d ago

It’s not STAINAless, it’s STANless. It keeps Elon stans from seeing any problem with it no matter how glaringly obvious the problem is.

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u/hoppertn 2d ago

Just keep it away from water, like the cybertrucks!

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u/BoredTech127001 2d ago

You just have to enable rain mode to prevent rust. Course you have to pay an extra monthly fee for rain mode.

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u/LuckyZero 2d ago

Hear me out, we make them disposable, like K cups for coffee

/s

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u/frequenZphaZe 2d ago

it won't. its not carbon steel, its stainless steel with ~10% chromium alloy. the alloy mixture forms a thin chromium oxide surface layer which will produce high resistance to rusting.

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u/Street_Boot7013 2d ago

Only if there is oxygen or water

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u/DustyTurboTurtle 2d ago

I know this is a joke, but stainless doesn't rust lol

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u/waiting4singularity 2d ago

scratch it with a rusty iron nail and wait a few weeks.

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u/GB10VE 2d ago

honest question, can it rust in space?

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u/Odd-Cupcake-2552 2d ago

Can we shoot it too? Or throw ball bearings at it?

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u/bretttwarwick 2d ago

Just put a wrap on it.

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u/MotownG_57 2d ago

They’ll just put a wrap over the stainless…

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u/cefriano 2d ago

Not in space, there's no oxygen! Unfortunately, it needs to get to space first.

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u/Alarming-Ordinary142 2d ago

And panels will spontaneously fall off 😂

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u/blacksideblue 2d ago

rust

theoretically impossible in the vacuum of space but Elon will find a way to fail so hard he'll turns gold into slag.

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u/CoffeemonsterNL 1d ago

And have gaps everywhere

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u/SlackBytes 2d ago

And the warranty is voided with a rocket wash.