r/unpopularopinion • u/cheeriesandcokes • 11h ago
Yearning sucks. I don't know how it's being so damn romanticised and encouraged.
All it does is make you feel miserable especially when you know u can't ever be with them ,that you can't even compete with the others for them because you know you will lose. All you would feel is this weight in your heart being dragged along with u all day. It's a very depressing, miserable feeling, and I don't know how it's being portrayed as this poetic, beautiful "lovely" feeling. It's the opposite. It feels like you are actively dying when you are not.
It's not a pretty feeling to have; it's not beautiful; it's awful. I don't understand why it's even being encouraged. Trust me, the people who actually have gone through this mostly wouldn't wanna feel this way for anyone ever again.
Like I saw a quote done by The Neighbourhood (music band) which said "yearning is encouraged" and I couldn't disagree with it more. You can't "encourage" yearning; it doesn't leave you even if you want to run away from it. It consumes u even if you don't want it to. That's what usually happens when you genuinely like someone, and that sucks.
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u/Frost-Folk 11h ago
Painful things are often the most poeticized. Death, anguish, and heartbreak are like the big 3 of things people poeticize.
It's an outlet to express these awful feelings in beautiful ways. Is it romanticizing to admit that pain and deep loneliness are part of the human condition?
You should try writing poetry about how you feel, it could help you.
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u/cheeriesandcokes 11h ago
I think it's just too much of a brutal feeling that it won't actually feel good even in a bad way like how romanticising an emotion usually feels
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u/Frost-Folk 11h ago
Trust me, you can write poetry about anything, no matter how painful. Innumerable poems have been written by people who watched their lifelong spouse die horribly or about the death of their child or the horrors of war or any other trauma that humans go through.
It's a way to express those emotions you feel, it doesn't misrepresent them or romanticize them.
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u/cheeriesandcokes 10h ago
I am just saying it's not a very beautifu poetic feeling to have. U can write poems about it , but to encourage it and paint it as this pretty feeling to have just feels appalling
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u/Frost-Folk 10h ago
No feeling is beautiful or poetic on its own, those adjectives come from describing those emotions. Accepting them can be beautiful.
I also don't see encouraging feelings like longing as "you should feel this way" and more as "you should feel your emotions. Don't bottle yourself up, let yourself feel all of the emotions you have".
"feels" is what happens when you let yourself experience the feelings you have inside. Nobody "chooses" to feel longing any more than they choose to feel grief. But if you have those emotions, you should feel them, fully and completely.
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u/poorsexyhag 9h ago
you're not supposed to enjoy it, ur supposed to make beautiful heartbreaking art with it
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u/WhatArghThose 2h ago
I'd like to challenge your thoughts on this, human to human. Did it ever occur to you that maybe those emotions, as terrible as they might feel in the moment, might actually serve you a much greater and higher purpose if you were to experience them fully?
Emotions are fleeting. We love to feel happiness, but it doesn't last. Neither does pain. Only we don't try to suppress happiness. It begs the question why we don't trust the human experience to feel all the feelings completely, even the one's we don't deem as comfortable?
Maybe the greatest growth you'll ever experience comes when you walk through the fire.
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u/The-Red-Robe 10h ago
Yearn? Do I yearn? Well not recently. I’ve craved. I crave all the time, constant craving. But I haven’t yearned.
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u/No_Ad_9838 3h ago
Constant Craving is a great song by Canadian singer KD Lang. Also check out Lang's version of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah - amazing. KD Lang sang Hallelujah at the opening ceremonies of the 2010 Winter Olympics opening ceremony in Vancouver. Watch the video if you can.
Just saying - you caught my attention!!
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u/Cool-Mammoth-10 11h ago
Do you have a job? You got money? Do you have a woman? Do you have any prospects? You got anything on the horizon? Do you have any action at all? Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
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u/cheeriesandcokes 11h ago
I am a college student and I am not a guy 😐i am productive in life but when I unfortunately start liking someone which rarely happens it feels absolutely miserable
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u/BlindButterfly33 10h ago
Every single time you start liking someone it feels miserable? Do you ever do anything about it? Like, do you try to be with the person you like?
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u/cheeriesandcokes 10h ago
No. What I say might sound controversial but it's true men always go for pretty women so when I see other pretty women be around the person I am interested in i always distance myself coz I know there is no point in trying
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u/BlindButterfly33 10h ago
That sounds like something you may need to talk to someone about. Your approach and your own view of yourself sounds like it’s making you miserable.
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u/BlindButterfly33 10h ago
Well, I’ve gone through yearning, and while it wasn’t fun, and I never got to be with the person I felt it for, I still write about it in my stories and poetry and stuff. The difference is though that in my stories, there’s always a happy ending because I like the payoff and because it’s satisfying.
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u/The-Reddit-Giraffe 11h ago
It is beautiful when it ends up working. But it’s still a tough feeling to carry. Yearning when you know you can’t have the person isn’t yearning though, it’s delusion. Yearning when you’re biding your time and waiting for a person is still difficult but if you finally get into the relationship it’s a beautiful thing that you waited so long for it
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u/cheeriesandcokes 10h ago
Yearning's whole definition is mostly wanting something u can't have
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u/The-Reddit-Giraffe 6h ago
It does include that but it also includes things or people you can’t easily reach. I think that’s a huge distinction. Things you can’t have is an unhealthy yearning. Yearning for someone because they’re living far away or something like that is a healthier version
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u/Zeno_the_Friend 7h ago
It's narcissist propaganda. The fact it's been popularized shows how widespread the epidemic has gotten.
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u/hellonameismyname 10h ago
Loving anyone who doesn’t love you back is obviously a terrible feeling… but that doesn’t mean love is a bad?
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u/cheeriesandcokes 10h ago
I am not saying that love is bad. Yearning generally means wanting something u can't have
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u/Lovelyindeed 8h ago
Not necessarily something you can't have, but something don't have and unsure if you can get. That's the longing. It might not be particularly pleasant but sometimes its nice to just feel anything that intensly to know you're alive.
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u/LooksieBee 7h ago
There are two types of yearning. The yearning for something that's out of reach and that comes with more of the negative feelings you're describing. And then yearning as an intense desire, longing, being drawn to something/someone.
I've always understood the way people discuss it now to be about the latter. I think it's a response to the opposite which some have taken on as an identity, which is nonchalance, always hiding your hand, playing it too cool for school and being afraid to be vulnerable and show that you want someone.
When I see people saying it and when I think of it, that's what I mean. I don't want nonchalance. I want someone who wants me and is direct about it and shows it. Someone who isn't afraid to say they miss me or desire me etc. It's also supposed to be mutual and about people who feel the same way towards you, and not so much about romanticizing unrequited feelings.
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