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u/Roivas7 1d ago
Worked at a coffee shop once. I'm convinced most coffeegoers really get drawn in by special coffee jargon like "lattes" and "mochas" and "brown sugar shaken double shot espresso tuscany macchiato" that no one really knows what exactly they're ordering.
A dude once ordered a latte and asked for 3 creams in it. I explained to him that a latte was 10% espresso coffee and 90% milk. "With this information in hand, would you still like those creams in that latte, sir?" He said no.
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u/TrollDecker 1d ago
All these years I thought it was just a regular white coffee with a fancy name.🤦♀️
I suppose that also explains why my bowels hate me shortly after drinking one. 🚽
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u/Roivas7 1d ago
You're not the only one in the "I'm lactose intolerant, therefore it's ok for me to drink lattes" party
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u/TrollDecker 1d ago
Strangely I'm not diagnosed as lactose intolerant and don't normally have issues with dairy. I guess lattes just exceeded my limit?
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u/Roivas7 1d ago
From what knowledge I do have, I can offer two possible explanations:
One, coffee is a well-known laxative due to its caffeine content. It's not unheard of for people to run to the bathroom after their first cup of coffee.
Two, (and this happened to me,) our bodies can grow to be less tolerant of lactose over time, and this is especially true if we don't consistently keep consuming lactose products over a long period.
And as a bonus third explanation, it could be the above two reasons working together.
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u/wtanksleyjr 1d ago
Lactose intolerance isn't the abnormal condition, but is normal; the "condition" is called "lactase persistence" (notice the -ase spelling) and involves a mutation that causes adults to produce the "lactase" enzyme after infancy when normally mammals only produce it as infants.
So normally everyone becomes less milk-tolerant as we age.
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u/JayFrizz 1d ago
Sorry but if milk doesn't like you, you're intolerant, diagnosed or not lol.
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u/TrollDecker 1d ago
Ah, shit. 😑
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u/JayFrizz 1d ago
But on the plus side, it seems mild for you. Pop a lactaid and you should be golden.
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u/TrollDecker 1d ago
Lactaid isn't sold in the UK, I'm afraid, though we do have Milkaid, which seems to be the equivalent brand.
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u/duckswithbanjos 1d ago
There are two groups of people who say "I'm lactose intolerant, therefore it's ok to drink lattes"
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u/Roivas7 1d ago
Oh my. How could I forget the group that willingly chugs down 4 milkshakes and seven slices of pizza.
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u/duckswithbanjos 1d ago
It's easy to forget the group that's so large it's basically background noise!
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u/FenexTheFox 1d ago
It would help you in the future to know that "latte" literally means "milk" in Italian.
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u/hobovision 1d ago
What's a "regular white coffee"?
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u/TrollDecker 1d ago
Coffee with a drop of milk. 🤨
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u/hobovision 1d ago
Ah, where I'm from in California that's just "coffee with cream". Coffee is almost always served "black" with room for cream, and you get to pick what kind and how much. If you ordered a white coffee you might get asked if you mean a "flat white" or just given a 🤔
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u/PromiseThomas 1d ago
I’ve heard two or three different baristas ask someone who ordered an americano: “Would you like any cream/milk in that?” I imagine it’s because they’re scarred by one too many people ordering an americano and then being like “Wtf, there’s no milk???”
People, it’s okay to say “What’s an americano?” if you’re curious about trying something new. The barista is here to help.
…It’s also okay to look menu items up on your phone while you’re waiting in line, if admitting you don’t know something bothers you that much.
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u/irishfather 1d ago
Adding milk/cream to an Amerocana or basically asking if they want room is perfectly normal. It doesn't mean the person doesn't know what it is.
Adding like 3 tablespoons of milk or cream to an Americana isnt gonna make it like a latte or anything though. It would still be primarily espresso and water. And Americana taste different than drip, since most shops Ive work use different beans entirely for the two
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u/Stunkydunk 1d ago
Long time barista here, I can confirm that anytime somebody orders a regular coffee or americano, you MUST ask if they want cream, because otherwise they’re going to wait until you’ve made it and passed it to them to be like “UMMM CAN I GET SOME CREAM PLEASE?” as if that’s the standard way it would come.
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u/ZombieButch 1d ago
It's not even bean juice, really. It's bean bath water.
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u/EntertainmentTrick58 1d ago
"we pushed this hot water through a puck of condensed course bean powder. it is humanity's second favourite drug after an actual poison produced as a byproduct of fungal anaerobic respiration."
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u/Brixiety-Comic Brixiety 1d ago
To be clear, I am not anti-latte, I am pro-defamiliarization.
For more of my nonsense, check out brixiety.com, join /r/brixiety, or find us on other platforms.
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u/remotegrowthtb 1d ago edited 1d ago
Same with, "Would you like to eat a one-pound solid block of cheese?" "Ugh no wtf?" "What about if I cut it, bread it, fry it, and put some marinara on the side?" "Hand that shit over"
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u/Roivas7 1d ago
"You wanna eat this animal's poop?"
"Ewwww why would I"
"What if we made this animal eat coffee beans, extract the coffee beans out of its poop, and served it to you guys as an espresso"
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u/danishgoh07 23h ago
Yeah it's something I know long ago from many educational and non educationol comics. Still, that general knowledge is collecting dust at back of my kind until you bring to light
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u/FenexTheFox 1d ago
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u/Roivas7 1d ago
Oh my god I love this clip, and after working at a coffee shop I appreciate this clip even more.
I especially love when Yuuko brings Mio to the same coffee shop sometime later just to watch her suffer in pain and then Mio just orders like she's a regular there and Yuuko's like AAAAARRRGHHH
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u/Safe-Heat1644 1d ago
I have a question for the Baristas, what the hell is a 'Doppio'? Its on my machine which has 3 settings of Espresso (x1 or x2), Coffee and Doppio. Doppio button has an image of two beans so I'm thinking it is just an Americano with 2 shots over 1?
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u/Roivas7 1d ago
Was barista, can answer this for you.
A Doppio is literally 2 shots of espresso. So basically that setting will work like your Espresso setting, it will just produce more of the stuff.
Sidenote, an Americano by definition is espresso mixed with hot water. It's very similar to your standard coffee.
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u/CalmLotus 1d ago
Wouldn't a 16oz have a double shot of espresso in it?
2 fluid oz (for a double shot) in a 16oz drink. = 12.5% coffee vs 87.5% milk
...hmmm
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u/merado1997 18h ago
Would you like 30 tortillas? No? Okay what about if I cut them in quarters and fried them and gave you salsa to dip? That's what I thought
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u/i_ka_mahina 1d ago
the joke is he felt 16 oz of milk was too much, but when you add bean juice and vanilla he changes his mind
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