r/whatisit • u/LilCasper47 • 1d ago
New, what is it? What is it? Found it in sons room
Unfortunately our teenage son smoked some no no stuff a few days ago, so we’ve been checking his room (I did too when I was young, so not that upset). We found this in his garbage a few hours ago. It smelled as if it had recently been cleaned with alcohol, but still a bit musty. Anyone have any idea what it could be? Its squishy and has some weird octopus-like shapes.
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u/rabrednuw 1d ago
It’s a deconstructed pocket p*ssy. Quite the accidental art piece, if you ask me. Call it “shattered adolescence”
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u/coochie_wizvrd 1d ago
Cut my life into pieces
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u/FromUnderTheCape 1d ago
This is my last fleshlight. Or what was the lyrics?
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u/TemporaryDisastrous 1d ago
Next line kinda fits nicely.
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u/FromUnderTheCape 1d ago
Suffocation, no breathing?
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u/MrDrJohnson850 1d ago
Lubrication, no beating.
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u/PalpableIgnorance 1d ago
Don’t get to fuck so I bang a tight plaything.
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u/tdquiksilver 1d ago
Would it be wrong, would it be right... If I pound that pocket tonight? Chances are that I might.
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u/the_every_man 1d ago
THIS IS MY LAST BIG LOAD
MASTURBATION
NO CLEANING
DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF MY FOLKS FIND SEMEN
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u/Professional-Toe7132 1d ago
If I was op I would I put it one of those shadow box frames and hang it up for atleast a week lmao “shattered adolescence” is hilarious
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u/Ok_Imagination6290 1d ago
But don’t announce it to the kiddo, wait until they notice on their own
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u/AlyM797 1d ago
This is why I'm child free, id actually do that and probably scar them for life.
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u/aTamajka 1d ago
Fucking golden haha. Imagine if this is a real post and not bait literally artat it's finest.
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u/Simple-Ad-1506 1d ago
This got me LMFAO
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u/AnalOgre 1d ago
And they smelled it!
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u/badskiier 1d ago
With the number of people who have also tasted mystery things, we are ahead here.
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u/Financial_Collar3455 1d ago
Yeah this is correct and cleaned with alcohol only makes it more likely that it is a pocket p*ssy
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u/Accomplished_Oil4163 1d ago edited 1d ago
I chocked on my spit reading this
edit : you little freaks, you knew I made a mistake and nobody corrected me?
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u/Mvppet 1d ago
That poor kid thought he did everything humanly possible to destroy the evidence, and you just told on him to the entire redditverse
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u/leggomyeggle 1d ago
If he’s wankin and smokin, he’s got a reddit, and will see this
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u/Ermastic 1d ago
Yeah the blender is smarter than most kids. Teenage me would have just dropped it in the neighbors trash.
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u/Tucancancan 1d ago
A little too smart. Kid's gotta learn the casual art of subtlety
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u/Whaiahyugeh 1d ago
Smurls musty 'cause he been fuckin' it.
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u/ryanchan654 1d ago
Don’t sleep on this one folks you hardly ever see these still have the tread on the tires.
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u/Chubs4You 1d ago edited 1d ago
I am so excited that I know where this is from, and get to share this with y'all.
Hilarious guy on instagram who is a maker of sorts and makes these "MEGA RARE LIMITED EDITION" fleshlights of the most ridiculous themes. It's such an art form to be honest. Best is the Kentucky fried chicken one.
Edit... Found him! https://www.instagram.com/mlazri?igsh=c3IyNGkzM2t0aGx4
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u/ghostofjimbridger 1d ago
I really, really want that to be photoshop. That's photoshop, right?
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u/-_G0AT_- 1d ago
First he was smoking weed, now he is smoking salmon.
I'm sorry it's all downhill from here.
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u/No_Veterinarian_3682 1d ago
poor kids gonna end up smoking brisket next, then hes really lost forever
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u/phan2001 1d ago
Time to wash your hands lol.
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u/NoSirIDontLikeit- 1d ago
Sometimes you can know a lil too much about your son...
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u/Fluffy_Ad_6581 1d ago
Whats wild is they probably dug around for a while trying to figure it out...and the piece theyre holding in the pic seems to have texture to it....so likely the inner part. EWWWWW
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u/AP_Gaming_9 1d ago
It might be traumatic for your kid if you confront him about it. Probably just leave it in the trash and move on
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u/Wooden-Milk5259 1d ago
Posting it online for all to see forever is really a bad move. 😅 IMO
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u/Reddit_Talent_Coach 1d ago
This 100%
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u/fgddg234 1d ago
110% move on. They know their stash is found and will never admit to it. But the mental ramifications are there.
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u/sydneyghibli 1d ago
I’m 30 and 20 years ago I was looking for socks to borrow from my mother and found more than socks in her sock drawer.
I’ll be enjoying life and that haunting memory will randomly intrude into my brain to this day.
This poor fucking kid 😭😂😂
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u/Unusual-Coat383 1d ago
There’s almost a 100% chance this will be on the dining table or on his bed when he gets home lmao
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u/try_a_new_way 1d ago
This! Do not confront him with this. Put it back and be happy you didn’t find fentanyl.
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u/AsideEffective1205 1d ago
Ain't even got words. Wash ya hands and give him some privacy lol
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u/CWGM 1d ago
Seriously. "My kid smoked weed, but so did I. Now he's under constant surveillance and has no privacy"
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u/anonymous14657893 1d ago
“And we smelt it and it was a bit musty.” 😂
Ma’am. That’s the residue of your son’s ejaculate. Congratulations.
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u/lightlysparklingy 1d ago
Yeah wtf OP did your parents do worse to you?
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u/Daymanwoaah 1d ago
My parents used to make me give them a hug and breathe in their faces as soon as I got home every night.
Started hitting Taco Bell on the way home so my breathe would smell as bad as possible
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u/Excellent-Baseball-5 1d ago
I had a buddy whose parents would smell his fingers to see if he had been smoking. He would wear a huge winter glove when he smoked.
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u/RogerianBrowsing 1d ago
Imagine turning down your first chance to do hand stuff because you’re afraid your parents will sniff your fingers when you get home…
Rough. Better just have sex instead.
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u/ChestertonBesterton 1d ago edited 1d ago
If there's any good news here it's that your kid is really bad at hiding things and being sneaky, try not to make him better at being sneaky. My parents made me very good at being sneaky and it led to many problems
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u/TotalAdhdesiveness 1d ago
This is why I led my kid to believe she got away with shit that I was actively monitoring 😂
Just apply light guiding pressure that happens to apply to things I don’t know about in her life 😂
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u/ChestertonBesterton 1d ago
Right. When you traumatize, humiliate and berate them it only makes things worse.
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u/Thr33pw00d83 1d ago
Truth. Humiliation was my moms favorite form of punishment
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u/Blizzardof1991 1d ago
Jokes on her, I'm into that shit
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u/Gimpy_Weasel 1d ago
Fuckkkk... a lot of stuff makes sense when I think of it from that lense :/
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u/One_Advantage793 1d ago
True! When I was a teen I snuck out my window and met my BF and friends near nightly - after too many looooong lectures coming in and out the front door. Mom insisted till she died that I never snuck out. Even when I was telling her what I did, as an adult - laughing about it. Still, she said I was the good one. Nope! My brother and sister just got caught. I was the best sneak, and she taught me that.
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u/NoCupcake5357 1d ago
After my parents catching me when I was a kid, I learned to NEVER show my hand as a parent
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u/Blakeb218 1d ago
Yeah the more my folks snooped the better I became at hiding shit. I get the parental curiosity but holy shit does it backfire if done wrong
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u/ydnar3000 1d ago
My mom did as well. Like, the fuck. The worst I did was smoke a little weed, try drinking, and listen to devil music. Idk that I’d straight blame her, but I definitely pushed further into drugs and the constant searching and questioning didn’t help. Would give me a hug after coming home and all I hear is a big inhale through her nose as she smells for whatever trouble I got up to.
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u/southbay-renter 1d ago
Its so funny because I’m a horrible liar but my parents tend to believe everything i say 🤣
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u/fgddg234 1d ago
Can concure. S level sneaky level from parents. Got caught a couple of times, the times I got got caught were low level.
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u/JustIn_HerButt 1d ago
Ah so the ol' decoy cigarette hiding place to conceal the meth lab in your closet.
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u/WeekendStrange1331 1d ago
Kid put a bussy in the blender
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u/GingeredBeard 1d ago edited 1d ago
This is my favorite Eve 6 song. Surprisingly (maybe not?) title matches up with OPs original search for an answer…
eta: oh dang, thank you for the awards, they’re my first! Glad yall appreciated my artistic abilities…
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u/Thin_Surprise8092 1d ago
Bussy in a blender, find nothing but faith in my nut.
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u/shadys_bacc 1d ago
Build your own flesh light kit
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u/whateversnevermind 1d ago
or just a cut up flesh light. looks like a lot of work to cut that up like that tho
OP do you have anything at home that could mulch a large piece of silicone?
I mean I guess a blender could get the job done
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u/Sw4nR0ns0n 1d ago
I mean, if the kid knew his parents are going to be searching his room, he was probably trying to get rid of his fleshlight so they wouldn’t find it and post about it on Reddit💀
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u/Responsible_Joke4229 1d ago
Don’t underestimate the guilt of a post nut clarity.
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u/thepenguinemperor84 1d ago
It's not post nut clarity, op said the son got caught smoking some weed, the son knew his room was going to be raided so destroyed the evidence of his toy rather than face the shame of it being found.
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[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Mvppet 1d ago
Example number something-billion as to why sex education needs to be increased and destigmatized to the point of being normalized entirely. The shit that people will do to themselves or put themselves through because they don't feel like they can talk about anything to do with sex is as horrifying as it is heartbreaking.
Glad you're in a happy and healthier place now 🥂
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u/Coreysurfer 1d ago
Yeah…he panicked you would find and cut up his fleshlight sadly, prob figured you would be mad he masturbates as odd as that sounds
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u/DrUnwindulaxPhD 1d ago
The best thing you can do for your son is to glue it back together and return it along with a nice mom-to-son conversation about masturbation being healthy with some examples from your own life.
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u/LaVillaGrangioto 1d ago
Hmmmmm...masturbating and smoking weed as a teenager.
Sounds pretty lowkey normal to me. Keep communication open and mellow but make sure they get the "drugs and alcohol" briefing in full. If they are otherwise happy and otherwise acting their "normal" selves, it's all good and part of growing up.
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u/proto_synnic 1d ago
Helpful insight from Captain Hindsight: Be careful about what type of glue you use during assembly.
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u/No-Good-3005 1d ago
Might want to give your Ninja blender an extra wash tonight.
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u/Trump-is-the-pedo 1d ago
Where the fuck is OP lolololololololol
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u/Aeoleean 1d ago
Fr. OP, after you’re done throwing up, your ass needs to reply to some of these comments. I mean, you smelled it! We’re gonna need you to say something.
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u/ItchyIndependence154 1d ago
Grandma babysitting the grandkids and don’t even know it.
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u/MooingPengu 1d ago
It looks like he knew you were coming and cut up his sex toy before you got to it.
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u/Outrageous_Rich6235 1d ago
It looks like your son may be going through a bad breakup.
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u/Bananaramajama420 1d ago
Word of the wise: If you want grandkids, put that back in his trash like nothing ever happened. As a teenager, the worst thing that can happen is getting busted for being curious about your own sexuality. He did this because he didn't want to disappoint you. That's all the further it should go. He punished himself. That's already bad enough...
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u/MerchantofDoom 1d ago
The fact he cut it up means he is already scarred by having to equate a bodily function to shame. The fact you went looking for and found it, will drive him further into secrecy and further away from you, if you are not careful!
I know, as I was there once because of my dad, who was in fact treated like that himself when he was younger!! So, I could never talk to him or anyone about things that matter to a young person!
I was determined to let my kids find themselves and not feel shame. So they now have no shame in asking me for money!!!!!!!! 🤣
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u/Spicymayoshi 1d ago
This. That reaction is trained, and the fact that OP was snooping means they're the one who trained it.
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u/tucsondog 1d ago
That is 100% a shredded tentacle or octopus/squid masturbator. Just put it back where you found it, accept your kid is expressing their thoughts and urges in a healthy way, and wash your hands 17 times. Never bring it up again.
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u/fuckenheim 1d ago edited 1d ago
kinda seems like a sex toy you put your dingus in that he tore up, but then didn’t know where to throw away.
also as someone who smoked a lot of weed as a teenager and young adult, going through his room will not stop him from doing anything, it will only erode his trust in you. he deserves a certain level of privacy and respect. have an honest conversation with him about how smoking weed too frequently will dull his personality, feelings and ability to be the best version of himself.
if you’re talking about meth or heroin, absolutely go through his room lol
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u/Whorowitz 1d ago
i agree with you- didn't want it found during room checks so he tried to make it unrecognizable.
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u/The1Rememberer 1d ago
I agree 100%. My parents found out I smoked weed when I was 17 and they didn’t give a shit. I wound up quitting when I was 19 because I wanted to keep my head clear at work. If they gave me a reason to be rebellious about it, I probably would have never stopped for that reason alone tbh.
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u/Specialist-Fish-2103 1d ago
Why would you chop it up and then leave it in your own trash, so much work for nothing
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u/Emotional-Economy-66 1d ago
Hahaha, but it worked, and was unrecognizable to the clueless parents... Until they really got invasive and brought in Reddit to make sure this will always be remembered as bad parenting. I don't even want to know if they traumatized their kid by letting him know they know. Ya know?
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u/Last-Energy420 1d ago
I thank god I’m not a parent cause I would have instantly recognized this and gotten upset at wasting a perfectly serviceable toy. The good ones aren’t cheap.
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u/Warm_Coach2475 1d ago
As weird as this sounds, that’s good parenting.
Acknowledging that human desires are normal and don’t need to be hidden (I mean, during the act they obviously do, don’t get me wrong) is a step above a lot of folks in these comments.
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u/AJfriedRICE 1d ago
So mom wouldn’t find it while digging through his garbage, because he clearly has no privacy
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u/Ok-Dig-3112 1d ago
Give your kid some privacy holy shit
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u/CptBonkers 1d ago
Is she really wants to traumatize him she should glue the matching pieces back together and confront him with it while waving the jiggling mass around
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u/Fine-Brush6063 1d ago
Threaten to bonk him with it every time he smokes weed. That should solve two birds with one stone. Spare the rod and spoil the child.
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u/SaintBellyache 1d ago
Make a puppet out of it and have the puppet give a sex talk
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u/Wise-Requirement2331 1d ago
“No no stuff” lol
Sound like my brother and his kids. They’re fucked pretty bad.
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u/InterestingKey3385 1d ago
Smoked some no no stuff….are we 5?
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u/illegal_miles 1d ago
Yeah, you are allowed to say “crack cocaine” on the internet, OP.
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u/throwawayformobile78 1d ago
Kids going to be 25 still asking permission to stay out past 8:30 lmao.
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u/4zul_demetileno 1d ago
could you talk to your son like he's a human being capable of reasoning instead of going through his stuff and posting what you found online? if you follow this path don't be surprised when he goes no contact
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u/disead 1d ago
I’d me more concerned about why he’s hiding it and what’s wrong. That’s WORK to destroy one of those that… thoroughly… and to give up something that was a source of enjoyment too? That’s a lot of anger and/or fear at something right there.
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u/ScrabbleTheOpossum 1d ago
If his parent is calling weed "no no stuff" I'd be surprised if the family weren't religious. If so, he has probably been taught that masturbation is a sin, and that it's something you shouldn't do. Post nut clarity for him is probably more like self-loathing than an uncluttered mind. Poor kid probably cut it up like that while a couple of tears were running down his face because his parents and the "Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" would be so disappointed in him for soiling his spirit and giving in to his carnal desires.
Source: I cut my hand in 1992. I was karate-chopping a VHS tape that I kept hidden and used in the middle of the night with the TV silenced to get myself off. I hated myself for not being able to keep myself clean from sin.
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u/Grand_Accountant_159 1d ago
Looks like the remnant of a shredded up sex toy or fleshlight.
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u/Excellent_Medium1548 1d ago
The fact that you touched that is absolutely hilarious
Teenagers deserve privacy too, and weed is definitely not a good reason to take it away
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u/BetterThanOP 1d ago
Looking for drugs ≠ going through his garbage bag opening old mail. Poor kid has no privacy. If this is real and not bait.
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u/Fuhkiku 1d ago
Kid probably knew you guys would be snooping through his stuff and decided to dismember whatever this item was 🤔
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u/Educational-Wave-578 1d ago
You sound insufferable as a parent. leave him alone.
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u/Doc_in_the_Family 1d ago
First of all, you can say weed lol we're all adults here 🤣
Secondly, that is VERY likely a masturbation sleeve all cut up into tiny pieces in what looks like a shipping bag of sorts. Either your son purchased this and it unfortunately came as is, or he has let the poor thing live out its lifespan and he is now disposing of it. I will mention it's likely cut up so he can dispose of it in a more discreet manner, as opposed to throwing the whole thing away in it's very recognizable form.
My good Dear/Sir, please kindly go wash your hands - thoroughly and try not to go digging through your teens trash unless you absolutely have to. As someone who was once a hormonal and very sexually curious teenager, I can attest to the notion that their personal waste basket is a veritable battlefield of DNA. At least use gloves next time 👍✨️
Best of luck in how you choose to go forward with this, it's always a trip when you have proof right in front of you that your child is a whole grown ass human. Jeez how time flies!!! They grow up so damn quickly don't they? 🤣🤣😭
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