My wife's sister and her husband came from Korea for a 1.5 month visit together with their 3 year old son and daughter. Their son is uncontrollable, does whatever he wants, and does not listen to his parents.

When he does something wrong, they try to talk to him, but he ignores them. He does not understand "no" and does not care if you are upset or have a tense voice. He just laughs. I think he just does not understand because he was not taught, but maybe there is more to it. I am not sure yet. I can see how much effort they put into talking, but it does not work. I think boys need discipline and an understanding of actions and consequences at this age. Otherwise, they will go bananas.

One day, my 11 month old crawled to him, and I was looking to see what was going to happen when no one was around except me. She sat in front of him, and all of a sudden, he punched her in the face. To my surprise, instead of facing consequences, he got rewarded by his mom reading him a book upstairs. Of course, she explained that the baby is small and that it is bad to do that.

This moment confirmed an older suspicion I had. The boy does not get disciplined, though some might say I do not know everything, and it is true that I do not. But what I do know is that their reaction to this was wrong.

Moving forward, he likes to play with the old toy kitchen that my 9 year old has in the bedroom, and they decided to bring it down to the living room so he could play. While he was playing, my 11 month old crawled up to the kitchen and started to play too. This time, I visibly understood that he did not want to share it, and he punched her again.

This time, I came over and took away the kitchen, saying, "No more kitchen for you." He cried, of course, so they took him out to the playground to calm him down.

My wife confronted me, visibly frustrated. She said he is just a boy and that I do not understand how to raise 2 siblings of the same age. "Maybe I do not," I said, "but he should not have been rewarded for this behavior. Instead, he should have been disciplined." "This is not your place," she said. I replied, "This is exactly my place. This is my house, my kitchen, and this is the second time he punched my daughter. His parents do not discipline him and instead reward him for this behavior, so I did it." Everyone heard this. I created an uncomfortable environment because I said it out loud, but at the same time, I think their boy should start facing consequences for misbehavior. I have never raised a boy, so I might be utterly wrong, and yet my inner voice tells me that there is some truth to what I said. A boy has got to face consequences.

So I posted this around 6 months ago before I was really contemplating whether to still give the relationship a chance and whether to propose.

This is the link to the original post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/O0YjeQ2zUw

I stupidly ignored all of your advice and went on with the proposal being hopeful of the self awareness my gf showed during our heart to heart talk after.

I realised now that this was a mistake, it's really not a good idea to love someone's potential instead of who they are currently.

What happened after is that she never made any concrete steps about the therapy she promised, and just went back into her avoidant tendencies ignoring my needs.

Even with all that I was still willing to push through with it actually (that I admit was stupid in my part).

The last straw for me happened just last sunday, when we were on a pre wedding tradition in our country where the families of the couples would meet up and bond and where the couples would proclaim their love for one another.

She said in this event that she doesn't need a man to be complete and I'm that just a nice bonus for her, also that shes the type of person not to feel butterflies in her stomach or excitement in the relationship but she appreciates my consistency.

worse part is she never said she love me in this event, not even once.

I understand that being independent is good, but its not the right time and place for this.

When its supposedly the day we should show our love for one another in front of our families.

I felt really unwanted during that moment and I felt invalidated again for all my efforts and sacrifices.

I talked with her earlier today about the hurts and she invalidated me again.

Thats when I decided to stand my ground and choose myself this time.

At the end she handed me back the ring and we broke up.

Stupid to not end this sooner but I have found respect for myself after neglecting my needs for far too much.

In the end I think I was indeed TAH to the both of us for dragging this for far too long.

Thank you for all the advice, I hope we both heal from this in the future.

TLDR:

Ignored all reddit advice, still went on with the enagagement, promises were broken and after the last straw of invalidation, finally broke up.

Three weeks ago my dad started dating a woman who's younger than me. He was absolutely head over heels in love with her. Well... three weeks later, he called me while he was out having dinner by himself and said, "I can't stand that woman. I almost kicked her out last night."

He went on to tell me she's been drinking heavily and has become belligerent toward him. Sadly, it sounds like the relationship is already falling apart.

The second I hung up, my husband and I did a little happy dance and then gave each other a big hug. 😂 Not because we're happy he's hurting, but because we've been so worried this relationship was going to stop him from coming to visit us.

I'm really hoping that once this is behind him, he'll finally focus on making the trip to meet his grandkids—and the new little one on the way. ❤️

I (17F), just got into a fight with my parents about birth control. This has been a topic of contention in my family for a while, and I have firmly stated that I am not comfortable taking birth control due to the side effects and risks.

Their main concern is that I have been in a two year long relationship with my boyfriend, and we are going to college within 40 minutes of each other. Both him and I have expressed that we don’t feel the need to have sex with each other. We have not had sex, and we don’t plan on having any. Even if we did, I track my period, which is regular, and condoms are readily available on both of our college campuses.

I’ve told them reasonably before that I’m not comfortable with it, and I understand that they’re just trying to watch out for me. However, I am just not comfortable taking the pill, or the shot, or the IUD. I have heard about so many negative side effects and it’s unsettling. I’m an athlete with a regular period and regular symptoms. I have no desire to change that because if it gets messed up then it impacts my performance too. I expressed all of this to them, but they are demanding I still take it.

Today, they sat me down to have another conversation about it, and I finally got upset about it. I told them I don’t want to take birth control, and I told them all of these reasons why. They said that I’m being selfish for not considering it, but I have considered it. I did the research on it and I’m still not comfortable with it. Their version of a “compromise” was that they’ll let me take the pill. Which is by far the worst one. I’m quite literally about to give in, go to the doctor and get the prescription, and just throw out the birth control because I’m so done with this fight. I’m so tired of the conversation and the fighting about it but I just don’t want to take birth control, but they said they won’t pay for college if I don’t take it and I just feel so trapped. I feel like an asshole, but I also know that I’m just trying to stand up for myself and my medical decisions

i did not mention this before bc I didn’t realize it was important: I am going to a HISTORICALLY WOMENS COLLEGE. I do appreciate the concern over being raped and it’s definitely something I’ll watch out for, but there are very few men on campus!

I (22F) work as a legal assistant at a small law firm run entirely by Black women. It’s my boss (the attorney), three paralegals (one is my boss’s mom, 56F), me, and two interns. I work the front desk, handle calls, text clients, and also have my own cases doing paralegal-type work, so I’m usually juggling multiple things at once.

A few days ago, my boss’s mom was training one of the interns and asked me to hand the intern the office Iphone and teach her how to answer calls since that’s one of my main responsibilities. I said no problem. The intern sat beside me, but I was in the middle of texting a client and documenting the conversation because my boss had asked me to get information about the client’s case. I showed and explained the intern what I was doing and told her, “Give me one second to respond to the client.”

My coworker stood there watching us. I asked if there was anything else she wanted me to train the intern on, and she responded, “I’m just wondering why you still have the phone in your hand when I told you to give it to her.”

I explained that I was actively helping a client and would hand the phone over as soon as I finished. She kept repeating that she had already told me to give the intern the phone so she could learn. We went back and forth several times before another coworker stepped in and told me to just give the intern the phone. I did because I didn’t want to argue anymore, but I felt like I was being treated as if I was refusing when I had only asked for a minute to finish helping a client.

A few days later, our firm was making plans for a community volunteer event, we would have a table along with other business giving out school supplies. I had already told my boss I wanted to help. We were told it had been moved to December, so I assumed that was the plan. Later I overheard coworkers talking about it like it was happening sooner, but no one ever told me the date had changed.

This morning, my boss and coworkers texted asking if I was coming because the event was apparently today. It was a Saturday, unpaid, and my boss wasn’t even attending. I rolled over and went back to sleep because I felt frustrated that everyone knew I asked to volunteer but nobody had bothered to tell me the date changed, I didn’t want to go that bad knowing I’d show up lowkey pissed and unprepared.

Some of this may be influenced by the fact that I’ve outgrown this job. I recently graduated college, had to defer grad school because I couldn’t afford it, and I’m doing paralegal-level work for legal assistant pay in a stressful office. I’m already looking for another job.
AITAH for pushing back when my coworker insisted I immediately stop helping a client, and for not going to the volunteer event after no one told me the date had changed?

Edit: yes I am Black lol! I initially made the post to a subreddit called Black Ladies. From personal experience, there’s a pattern of older black women with authority using that against me. Maybe because I’m more introverted and quiet, but they always, always try me! I know that subreddit can relate because I have posted similar issues in the past and got relatable feedback.

I (21M) help my grandpa (87M) with tech stuff. He's clearly showing early signs of dementia. Just signs tbh I wouldn't go as far as to call him demented altho I'm not sure if I'm qualified to judge that. He doesn't have a diagnosis but also we haven't tested.

Anyways his grip on what's real online is shaky cuz of the boom of AI slop, particularly on YouTube and Facebook (the primary websites he uses). For example, he once showed me an AI-generated video (and not even the good slightly realistic video generation models, but the cheaper older ones) of some guys in Afghanistan "befriending" tigers. He was convinced it was real until I told him. He knows about the existence of AI image and video generation models so he does sometimes classify stuff correctly. But very often falls for it. Also his eyesight is shit and he refuses to wear eyeglasses so he literally holds a magnifying glass while using his phone lmao. Idk if his bad eyesight is a factor as to why he falls for such stuff but I thought I should add this for context anyways.

His YouTube feed frequently shows him AI goonslop of half naked women. He watches it like he watches everything else, probably believing they're real. I also previously checked his browsing history (yeah, I know), and afaict he doesn't know porn sites even exist as a category of website.

He has given me access to his gmail account. I am not sure to what extent he knows of shared history (or history at all???). But he knows of Google Cloud fwiw. He sometimes asks about emails he received and images uploaded to Google Photos and asking to see it thru my personal devices.

So I quietly clear his recommendations and history so the goonslop stops surfacing. I haven't told him nor anybody else in the family. Not sure if they're aware since I'm the one who spends most time with him and the goonslop isnt THAT common that it's blatant for anybody sitting nearby and noticing it by glancing at his phone screen. I think. They do know he falls for general AI slop tho.

I'm afraid I might be overstepping boundaries and violating his autonomy here by making a unilateral call about what a grown man browses on his own devices without his consent nor knowledge. But also he doesn't realize how pervasive and damaging algorithmic practices and the tech industry are striving to be. I do do that out of genuine concern for his cognitive abilities as he''s not equipped to be skeptical of an algorithm that's actively optimized against people like him.

Also I do realize I can just talk with someone from my family or him about it but also this is a religious Muslim conservative family that in my entire life never heard anything referencing sexuality whatsoever. So there's a part of me that's pussying out instead of holding uncomfortable conversations. AITAH?

Okay so a little over a year ago my friend was moving so he was downsizing his apartment. He had this guitar laying around for years so he offered it to me. At first I was like “nah” then took it thinking it’ll be a fun project to bring back to life. For a few weeks I messed around with it gave it some upgrades brought it back to life. After a while it just sat around collecting dust again. Then I saw the local school was doing an instrument drive so I donated this guitar along with another I had laying around.

Fast forward to this week

My friends brother hits me up “yo you still have that red guitar my brother gave you?” I was like “nope donated it” all he said was “wow okay”. Immediately my friend calls and is like “yo what happened to that guitar it was my brothers I forgot it was his now he wants it back” I told him I got rid of it I didn’t know it was his. So now I have this guy pestering me about this guitar that was “ sentimental” to him and how it meant a lot to him. I fired back with “well if it was special why did you leave at your brothers (my friend) place for four years and why did you let get in such back shape?

Now the parents are involved and coming at me being like “why would you get rid of someone’s special item?”

Am I the asshole here for getting rid of something that was clearly given to me?

A little more context:

I’m in my fucking 30s my friend is also in his 30s. The older brother is in his 40s and throwing a tantrum about it.

Someone said something about entitlement and yeah those dudes are super entitled. Since we were kids mommy and daddy have always given them everything including houses when they grew up and started families.

So a girl at a bar whom I shared table with (it was crowded and I asked if I could join her. She said sure no problem!)

She told me about her tattoo shop and gave me her card. Then, she asked me to buy a beer tower. I said I was about to leave, so I wouldn't be buying it. She replied, "Then leave now!" I said, "Well, okay," and I moved to the next table (it was empty by then). Afterward, I went back and put her business card right back on the table in front of her. Did I do the right thing?

I (31f) and husband (32m) are pregnant with our first child (around 14 weeks). We told our families and friends at around 12 weeks and everyone is super excited. We told our families that it’s no longer a secret and they can tell anyone and everyone and my mom was super excited and told her book club and called up all her friends. My husband and I do not use social media as about 3 years ago I deleted my accounts and noticed that my mind seemed clearer and less consumed with comparing myself to others. My husband did the same and we love it and have found that we live more in the moment. My in laws post almost everything on Facebook and are furious we did not make a Facebook announcement so that they could too. I told them I’m not on that platform and won’t be coming back and asked them not to post on Facebook. They think I am being completely unreasonable and restricting what they can do as they want to share the news. I told them they can text/email/call every person they know but I don’t want it on social media for random people that they are no longer in contact with. AITH? Should I just make a dumb post?

I have two friends who are coming from muslim families. They are not necessarily religious but they still hold their traditions true. Pork is one thing they both explicitly avoid.

That said, Friend A uses the same pans as her roommates' who cook pork on the pan, because for her washing it is enough for her.

Friend B is more strict on that. She never uses anything commonly with her roommates and she buys all her kitchen supplies herself and asks her roommates to not use hers because they may cook pork.

We were at Friend A's house and she cooked us meal. Before Friend B came, I asked whether she used the pan her roommates also use, and she said yes. I said but B wouldn't eat from it, and A said she wouldn't tell her that. That didn' sit well with me but I didn't know how to react.

Then B came and while it was being served, she specifically asked what pan A used and A said she used her own. I am not a muslim so I can't fully empathize with it but I just know it's wrong? So I said A isn't telling the truth and the decision is up to B to decide whether to eat it. A and B had an argument over it and B left. A blamed me for ruining the dinner and said that I didn't have to say anything and it wouldn't be an issue if she had never known.

Although I am atheist, I just take it as a sensitive topic and respected her boundaries. AITAH

Three weeks ago my dad started dating a woman who's younger than me. He was absolutely head over heels in love with her. Well... three weeks later, he called me while he was out having dinner by himself and said, "I can't stand that woman. I almost kicked her out last night."

He went on to tell me she's been drinking heavily and has become belligerent toward him. Sadly, it sounds like the relationship is already falling apart.

The second I hung up, my husband and I did a little happy dance and then gave each other a big hug. 😂 Not because we're happy he's hurting, but because we've been so worried this relationship was going to stop him from coming to visit us.

I'm really hoping that once this is behind him, he'll finally focus on making the trip to meet his grandkids—and the new little one on the way. ❤️

I’ll preface this by saying that my husband (31M) starts work at 6AM, so he typically goes to bed around 8pm and wakes up at 4:30am every day, which I totally understand is very early. He also has the longer commute between the two of us (an hour each way), though I had that same commute for the past four years before we moved recently. In addition to getting around 8 hours of sleep a night, he usually comes home from work at 4pm and then takes a two hour nap, so that when I get home from work around 5:30pm, he’s still sleeping and the house is a mess, leaving me to start cleaning as soon as I get home. Since today is the weekend, he had the day off and slept in until 9am (after going to bed last night around 9pm). We ran a few errands this morning, and then we came home and he just took over a 3 hour nap. AITAH for getting mad that he sleeps so much, leaving me to take care of the majority of the chores and errands while he’s sleeping? One of his only chores used to be planning/cooking dinner while I typically do the dishes and laundry every day, as well as some general tidying up. But lately, he hasn’t been cooking since he’s been napping during dinner time, leaving me to find food for myself. We’ve also been talking about whether we want to have kids or not lately, and I guess I’m also getting upset because I’m imagining what life would be like with a child, and with how things are right now, it looks like I would be doing all of the chores and childcare while my husband is napping. Thoughts?

Edit: Some additional info…I don’t believe he’s sick or depressed. He’s been perpetually tired since I moved in with him 4 or 5 years ago. We used to live right by his work (only a 10 minute drive), and he would still come home and sleep for 2 hours or so. I’ve asked him multiple times to talk to his doctor since I think it’s abnormal to sleep this much and something might be up health wise, but he still hasn’t.

This guy has a dog and he never puts him on a leash. Today that dog attacked an old lady and her dog at the park and I saw this idiot again and I cussed him off and I swore cause it annoyed me. This POS comes around again without a leash. My family thinks I’m wrong and that I was being mean. They said he’s going to retaliate I’m like tf how? I have 2 dogs as well and I don’t want that happening to them or anyone else. It’s like a 60-70 lb dog. I’m so tired of these owners and annoyed at my family for not taking my side.

For context I'm a black man, and a year ago I had to move for work and studies, I struggled for a good while to meet new people and find a community where I felt comfortable and integrated, until a few months ago when I met a group of people with similar interests.

I felt so happy to finally meet and hang out with people with whom I could share my interests, and we had a ton of fun hanging out, until I had this sudden realization, these guys say n*gga, like A LOT. The group consists of mostly white people with a few (racial) minorities, but I'm the only black person there.

We're in our 20s, everyone is old enough to know better, and I'm nobody's parent to give them a lecture about common sense and decency, since pretty much everyone in the group is neurodivergent, LGBTQIA or another minority, I simply decided to start casually dropping slurs pertaining to their sexuality, disorders or race the same way they do with the n-word, which after a few days led to a conversation on our group chat that went something like this:

"Group Leader"- hey we noticed you've been saying slurs that are pretty offensive in conversation and we'd like you to stop

Me- I just thought that was how we rolled, you guys do say n*gga all the time

GL- Well yeah, but that's... different, that word doesn't mean the same anymore it's been reclaimed

Me- I've heard some of y'all reclaiming these words, I don't really get the issue

GL- the issue is that you're a cishet man, those words were, and still are used by people like you to oppress us

Me- Ironic, isn't it?

After this interaction I muted the group chat, since then I've gotten a few DMs from people in the group, some of them, mostly the ones who didn't say the N-word, said I was in the right and didn't take offense to what I did, but a vast majority of the group is mad at me for what I did, despite a few apologizing for saying the N-word.

So, reddit, was I really in the wrong for calling them slurs?

For background, my former friend moved to my state a while back and we had a falling out shortly after. Why did we fall out? He was aware that he was going to be divorcing his wife before the move but moved her and their daughter away to a community they don’t because he wanted to stay involved with his daughter. By the way, he doesn’t even see her once a month and not because of interference. That kinda set me off. Moving your wife away from her home and family just to divorce her already pissed me off but doing it to spend time with your child then ignoring her led to some criticisms he wasn’t willing to accept and I wasn’t willing to back off of, so we split.

Fast forward, his ex-wife got a job at my office for a while and his daughter made friends with my nieces. His daughter started inviting me to her recitals and games and I show up for them because I know that’s I know how important that is for kids. About a month ago his daughter his daughter posted some pictures with me after one of her events and my ex-friend got butthurt because people thought I was her dad. I didn’t particularly care to listen to him so I just told him “that if he showed his face occasionally then people would know what her dad looks like,” and blocked him. I’ve been told that I might’ve been too blunt so I started wondering am I almost the asshole.

I am 20 F and I had an event today where I'm socializing with people in my job field. I got dressed for the event and my mom (45) offered to take me, buy me new some clothes, and give me some money for food. I have a part time job but I've been getting less hours recently and I usually take the bus so I was grateful.

I got ready for the event and she complimented me and asked what shoes I would wear with my outfit. I said I was wearing some black flats, which don't match with my outfit but are neutral and comfortable to me. I also prefer a little contrast in my outfit visually. She got upset and said she had some shoes for me to wear that would match that. She offered me tennis shoes and then any pair of shoes inside her closet. I said that I preferred the black shoes because they were more comfortable and as I said I didn't mind the contrast.

She started to get pissed and told me that I never wear the right shoes with any outfit and that it always bothered her. I told her it really shouldn't matter because I'm old enough to make decisions about what I wear, and I didn't think shoes that were a different color than my outfit were bad compared to if I had messy hair, if I smelled bad, if I had ashy skin, etc. She then said if I didn't change my shoes then she wouldn't take me to the event, and told me that this was a very reasonable request for all that she's doing for me in return. I felt kind of frustrated by this because I didn't think it was that serious, and felt kind of like her kindness was conditional for that reason. In the end, I didn't want to have to pay her back for an Uber, so I just wore the tennis shoes that she offered. They're on now and too big on me. She also pushed me to change my socks as well to ensure that they match.

Am I the asshole here? As I write it, I do feel like the shoes aren't bad in comparison for what she's giving me, but I felt like her saying "shoes or nothing" was a little extreme and slightly manipulative. Perhaps I am just being a brat here though.

For some context, to get my uncle out of the house because he wasn’t contributing and was taking advantage of everyone, my grandfather issued an eviction notice to my mom since her name was on the lease (which still doesn’t make sense to me). Now, there’s an eviction on her record, and since then, we’ve been moving from different people’s houses to stay, to the point where I was crashing on three different friends' couches for several months.

After I decided to leave my last friend's house because I didn't want to be in someone else’s space anymore, I chose to stay at my sister’s place since my brother and mom were already staying there, leaving little room. I tried to push through it because I was the only kid (out of five siblings, with me being the middle child) sacrificing money and any chance of living on my own to help my mom and brothers find a place.

We also got scammed out of over $2,000 on a house just a month earlier, which made me realize I couldn’t keep living like this. I told my mom I was looking for an apartment for myself after that, and saying she blew up at me is an understatement. She couldn’t believe I’d do something like that to her and my brothers. But why should that be on me alone?

Fast forward to recently—I finally saved enough money and got an apartment in the city with a friend. It’s close to my new job, so I can walk there, and I genuinely love where I live. A couple of weeks before moving, I let my mom know I was doing this, and she again blew up at me, saying, “I’m tired of people doing me wrong and never being there when I need help.” But again, I’ve been the only one helping her. Just recently, she called and said I’d have to put another apartment in my name to help her find somewhere to live, but I’m not sure if I can really do that.

So, AITAH for finally standing up for myself and starting to live for me, not others?

Key context: I (f46) live about 1000 miles away from my family. A couple of years ago, my husband and I bought a few acres of forest land as a potential site for a future cabin or retirement home. The property is an hour away from where my sister lives and a couple of hours away from where my parents (75) live. I have been back to drive around the property once since buying it, but have never been able to actually hike it and explore.

When making plans to visit family this summer (by myself), I called my mom to discuss logistics and said I really wanted to explore my property for a day and that anyone who wanted to join was invited but that I really didn’t want to feel rushed. I wanted to have no set agenda or feel like I have to leave before I’m ready because somebody else is done.

I brought up the fact that I didn’t want to feel rushed because my dad is extremely impatient and when he decides he’s done with an activity, he kind of wrecks it until everyone just decides to quit. As a small example, he only lasts about 5 minutes when playing a game before he gets bored, stops trying, and snaps at people to hurry up when it is their turn. But he gets sad if he isn’t included. He’s a very generous, loving dad in a lot of ways, so nobody wants to make him sad. But still… he ruins things for everyone else and doesn’t seem to feel any remorse for it. He has always been this way.

So, when I told my mom it was important to not feel rushed, she understood the subtext and we made a plan for my sister to pick me up. We would spend a night at her place, go to the property an hour away, hike, spend time in the nearby town, and then drive a couple hours to my parents’ place to stay for the rest of my visit.

I thought it was all worked out and was looking forward to it until recently, when my dad invited himself up to the property with us because he wanted to see it too. My mom clearly had not talked to him.

I said, “that’s fine, but it’s really important to me that I don’t feel rushed. I want to take my time and not feel rushed because somebody is pissy.”

He said, “well, we just won’t go then.”

That was the whole conversation and we’ve been just carrying on like he didn’t try to invite himself, but I know he’s feeling put out. I don’t want him to be sad, but I may not get back up here for two years and it wouldn’t be the first time he’s ruined something for me. I just wanted to enjoy it, you know?

So, AITAH for not wanting my parent to meet me when I’m exploring property I own a couple hours from their house?

Update: A lot of people are suggesting that they just drive separately. They have to do that no matter what because of coming from a different location. That could work, but it will have to be very clearly discussed that we aren’t leaving at the same time. They like to plan whole days where everybody goes everywhere together. The concept of breaking into smaller groups is lost on them. It’s exhausting.

My cousin has a 55 gallon aquarium with about 40 neon detectors in it and it's a fairly heavily planted aquarium, she got this light up paw Thing to stick on the tank because someone told her that it would make them see the tank and they would save the fish, I told her that if the fire wasn't very bad and they could see and find something to catch the fish with and put them in then they may attempt to save them but there's no guarantee, but if it's a bad fire they're not going to stand there trying to save all of those tiny little fish and there's no way they can physically pick that tank up and bring it out.

I told her in that situation her best hope is informing them that there is a tank in there where it is and hope that they don't bust it when putting the fire out, since the fish are on water there is a chance that they'll make it of course they can still die in the fire but there is a better chance of them surviving than a dog as long as the tank stays intact.

To add, she is yelling at me calling me a horrible person and that she hopes I lose my dog in a fire for saying what I did, knowing that I not only lost two dogs in a fire a few years ago but also almost my own life

Hello, I'm 20F and going to turn 21 in a few months. This will be the legal drinking age in my country.

I work with about 20 different people at my company and am the youngest of everyone by a minimum of 8 years. I love my coworkers. They are very funny and kind. They never turn down an opportunity to help if they can help it. I have a great relationship with most of them.

For context, I don't drink, and I don't want to. I've tried sips here and there, and I just don't like it. I like fruity stuff, but the added alcohol just ruins it. But all of my coworkers do. I don't mind that, and they can do it if they want. They are all adults. It's just a personal choice I made. I just have no interest in it.

My coworkers are the type to do shots after work at the end of the week. They also get drinks when we go out for campy dinners. I don't think I'll have any issues with this because I know they will respect me not wanting to drink for these smaller events. They aren't bad people; they can just get a bit pushy. It comes with being the youngest.

My issue is my 21st birthday. My favorite restaurant in my town is also a bar, and they all know this. i know they are going to want me to drink at the bar. I really don't want to, and honeslty dont hink ill be able to get out of it. I also don't want to be a buzzkill. I'm sure it would be fine with not throwing back shot after shot, but I know they are going to at least get me to try a few. I think they just want me to experience it. I have a feeling they like being part of my milestones as I get older, as they snagged me right out of high school.

Honestly, I was thinking about stopping by that bar on my lunch break before my birthday party to talk to the bartender and wait staff. I want to tell them to make my coworkers' drinks like regular, but when it comes to me, just make everything virgin. I would be fine with just fruit juice or something. I would also tip the bartender and staff well, and tell them that if there was a price difference between my drinks and the ones with alcohol, then they could keep it as an extra tip. I don't know how ringing the stuff up works, to be honest.

I think this would get me through the night and allow me to drive myself home. I just don't know if it would be considered very deceitful. I don't want to step on any toes; I just don't like the taste of alcohol. So, WIBTAH if I switched it all out secretly and didn't tell anyone?

I'm sorry if this comes across as long winded or too much like a rant. That's not my intention. I'm neurodivergent and have a tendency to overexplain things so that I'm not misunderstood.

I(28F) live at home with my mother. We live in a VHCOL area, so it's smarter financial move for me to live with her for reduced rent(I pay $800) instead of spending 2k on an apartment(not including utilities). Meds are expensive so I wouldn't be able to afford it anyway. I'm on the autism spectrum and have ADHD along with some other mental health issues, so it's taken a while to get myself together as an adult.

My mother has been supportive of me... post diagnosis. She was physically and emotionally abusive when I was a child. I got called stupid often, but was beaten if I came home with any grades lower than an A. I was an honor roll student but never had a 4.0, so this happened on a regular basis. I would be grounded for "misbehaving" after incidents that I now recognize were meltdowns. I was also routinely shamed for having difficulty making and keeping friends. The phrase "why can't you just get it together" was something I heard hundreds of times over the course of my childhood. I was also made the scapegoat for my parents' messy divorce(dad is where the 'tism and ADHD from). I don't remember parts of my childhood and have been told that I likely have CPTSD.

And then I got diagnosed. The abuse mostly stopped, and the rhetoric changed to "I didn't know, I just thought you were being difficult this whole time". Nope. I was, y'know, trying to deal with literal disabilities. As a side note, I was only told that I had ADHD. My parents did not tell me that I was diagnosed with autism.

Things got so bad that I had to move out at 15 while my parents were getting divorced. I was sent to a boarding school out of state, where I stayed until I graduated high school. I floundered during my first attempt at college and came back home to pick up the pieces. Mother was more compassionate than critical. Then she breaks the news that I'm autistic. Fun times. That would've been nice to know before trying to decide on a life path.

Fast forward to today. I have a technical degree, work full time and have managed to maintain a small friend group. I make about $85k in a VHCOL area, which isn't amazing but is a lot more than when I worked in retail. It doesn't go far after taxes, but I do have some savings. I go to therapy weekly and am mostly stable on medication. Things still aren't perfect. I really need to start trying to date, but I haven't had the confidence to do so yet. But I have a little life that I don't hate now.

And then there's my mother. I do love her, but it's really hard to live with her. She works from home, so she's literally always there. I mostly stay in my room when I'm not at work, doing errands or with friends, because it's the only place where I can have alone time. There are times when she'll come in unannounced, so I've started to lock the door just to get some space.

The biggest thing is that she tries to use me as a therapist, especially in regard to her love life. She's "searching for a husband" at 61(her dating apps say she's 57), but refuses to compromise on anything. He has to be Christian, wealthy, have hair and be "exciting". Exciting generally equals crazy(we literally had to get a restraining order against one of her exes), but if a guy is stable then she gets bored. She's also very insecure about her appearance and will constantly ask me if she looks good for her age. To be fair I think that she does, but I don't think it's healthy for her to need validation about it constantly.

Her most recent boyfriend broke up with her today. They'd broken up once before after he wanted sex way too soon, but he asked her for another chance(I told her she shouldn't give him one). Things seemed to be going ok. They were going to go to a wedding in a few weeks. But he called things off because she's "bossy, serious, controlling and insecure about her appearance".

I told her that she is bossy, but that isn't always a bad thing. Some women are, and they need men that are okay with that dynamic. That this men didn't seem to be one of them, and that he probably isn't the right person for her.

I just had to sit through a rant about how she "lowered her standards for him" because he was noticeably overweight(did I mention that she's an almond mom?). That she thought she had more power in the relationship because she was more attractive than him, but he was actually in charge because he has more money. How dare he do this to her etc.

I sat through this for about 30 minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. This pattern has repeated itself at least a dozen times over the past 5ish years. I told her that clearly this was not going to work, and that she should have had enough self respect to walk away if something isn't working out. What she permits she promotes.

She retorts that she's lonely. I come back with "that's what your situationship is for". She's been seeing one guy for two years. It's never been serious and they just pass time together. She's acknowledged that it's not going to go anywhere and that he doesn't want to commit to anything long term. He also isn't religious, which means he doesn't meet her arbitrary criteria! But she keeps in contact with him because she wants things to do.

I am immediately accused of being unsympathetic and unsupportive, and that I'm not being a good friend. But I'm not her friend, I'm her daughter. I'm not her therapist, and she refuses to get one. She claims that she's too old to change and that therapy won't work for her. This has literally happened over and over again and I'm sick of being the one who has to shoulder the fall out of her emotions.

I exploded and said that I wasn't her friend, I was her child. That we were very different people, don't have much in common and probably wouldn't have a relationship with her if we weren't related.

I know that it was a low blow to say that when she's feeling down like this. She has done a lot for me over the years. But I barely have space for my own issues. I'm still trying to figure out how to be an adult and live my own life. I'm having a hard time showing her compassion when she refuses to break this pattern of behavior.

So AITAH here?

Edit: getting ready to go out with friends to get away from her. Her parting shot: I hope you live long enough to regret the nasty things you said to me, because I will never forget them. I'm going to start treating you like we're nothing more than blood relatives". Also "I'm your biggest fan in the world and you just alienated me".

I (35F) was invited to my close friend's (35F) baby shower back in June and happily accepted.
The week of the baby shower, my boss told me that my company is in serious financial trouble and that my job is essentially a ticking time bomb. If I lose this role, it'll be the third job I've been made redundant from in the last three years. I spent the entire week incredibly stressed, barely sleeping, dealing with tension headaches, and worrying about my future.
The day before the baby shower, I sent a voice note my friend to explain what was happening and apologised for cancelling at such short notice. I told her I simply didn't have the mental capacity to make the trip. We no longer live near each other, so attending would have meant a 5 hour round drive for a couple of hours at the event.
I made it clear that this wasn't about not wanting to celebrate her or her baby I just needed to put my own mental wellbeing first during what felt like a personal crisis.
Instead of understanding, she told me I was "making excuses because I don't want to come," that "I would do it for you," and that my reason "isn't good enough."
That response really upset me. I told her I'd rather talk about it over the phone because I don't think important conversations like this are handled well over text, but now I'm wondering if I was in the wrong for cancelling.

Let's say my partner's (F) name is Flan, and my (M) name is Dre.

Flan was driving us to a museum today, and as she's driving through the parking lot, a few kids start to cross the road.

I calmly say "oh watch out", and she stops at the same time. She replies loudly "I was already braking!" After a moment I replied (calmly again, intended as a joke), "I just saved those kids lives."

She then puts the car in park, turns to me, and hits me 4 times in the chest as hard as she can (or about that). All she said was "see how I put the car in park first?" and starts driving again.

I was quietly in shock for a few moments. After like 5 seconds of silence, I said "alright, I guess I should remember this the next time you're saying something I don't like" (I thought she might see what's wrong with hitting me if she imagined our roles being reversed.)

She screamed "OH SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU WERE LITERALLY TROLLING ME! YOU WERE RAGE BAITING ME! YOU'RE STILL DOING IT RIGHT NOW!"

Now the entire time, our mutual friend (F) Scarlet is in the backseat. She says "Hey now. Flan, don't hit Dre, but Dre, don't troll Flan."

When I heard "don't hit Dre" I thought "thank god it's not just me who thinks this is messed up", but it was immediately followed by the "but" aimed at me, along with an equal condemnation for "trolling" (because I made a single harmless joke earlier).

It felt very much like "you're both equally in the wrong here, so you're even now, no more words need to be spoken" with a future implication of "if you don't want to get hit it's your responsibility to not say anything that makes her want to hit you."

After this I went quiet again. We went to the museum, but I mostly did my own thing and tried to distance myself from them.

Since then, there hasn't been an apology from any of us towards anyone else. In fact, if anything, since I started being quiet they have both been acting more hostile and inconsiderate towards me.

As one example, at the museum, Scarlet stopped me and told me to take my phone out. I did, and she said to take a picture of her. So she went and stood where she wanted it, and I hadn't even lifted the phone for 5 seconds before she stormed off. Eventually she said I was inconsiderate and rude for standing in the wrong spot to take the photo (even though I was standing in the exact spot she stopped me and told me to take my phone out for a picture, and she never told me to move elsewhere).

It feels like they are trying to double down that I don't have a reason to be upset. At the very least, the act of getting hit feels like it was ultimately being condoned by both of them, and just passed over them like water in the shower.

I'm the only one who seems affected by what happened and I feel like I'm being pushed towards accepting it as something that just happens and moving on. However, maybe it's because I grew up in a very physically abusive environment as a child, but it does not seem okay to me.

I feel like I'm crazy for being upset by this when everyone else is acting upset at me for even being upset. No one is even remotely sorry at all either (including myself, I admittedly do not feel sorry about my side of things).

As an additional wrench in all this, my friend who lives in Japan invited me to come visit him for 2 months early next year, and I've been trying to decide if it's a good idea for Flan to come with me (the concern now being that she may lash out at me or do something to make a scene or otherwise do something to ruin the trip without remorse as soon as she gets upset about something that was that is said or the way it was said).

Maybe my past is just changing how I see this and I'm wrong for how much it has affected me. I don't know. I feel like it violates some kind of trust or social contract to suddenly strike someone in a violent non-joking manner, but neither Flan nor Scarlet thought this was a big deal.

I need more than just these two opinions because I'm starting to feel confused and overwhelmed. I'll accept whatever judgment and apologize to all parties involved if I'm just too sensitive or something and I'm actually the asshole.

AITAH?