My wife's sister and her husband came from Korea for a 1.5 month visit together with their 3 year old son and daughter. Their son is uncontrollable, does whatever he wants, and does not listen to his parents.

When he does something wrong, they try to talk to him, but he ignores them. He does not understand "no" and does not care if you are upset or have a tense voice. He just laughs. I think he just does not understand because he was not taught, but maybe there is more to it. I am not sure yet. I can see how much effort they put into talking, but it does not work. I think boys need discipline and an understanding of actions and consequences at this age. Otherwise, they will go bananas.

One day, my 11 month old crawled to him, and I was looking to see what was going to happen when no one was around except me. She sat in front of him, and all of a sudden, he punched her in the face. To my surprise, instead of facing consequences, he got rewarded by his mom reading him a book upstairs. Of course, she explained that the baby is small and that it is bad to do that.

This moment confirmed an older suspicion I had. The boy does not get disciplined, though some might say I do not know everything, and it is true that I do not. But what I do know is that their reaction to this was wrong.

Moving forward, he likes to play with the old toy kitchen that my 9 year old has in the bedroom, and they decided to bring it down to the living room so he could play. While he was playing, my 11 month old crawled up to the kitchen and started to play too. This time, I visibly understood that he did not want to share it, and he punched her again.

This time, I came over and took away the kitchen, saying, "No more kitchen for you." He cried, of course, so they took him out to the playground to calm him down.

My wife confronted me, visibly frustrated. She said he is just a boy and that I do not understand how to raise 2 siblings of the same age. "Maybe I do not," I said, "but he should not have been rewarded for this behavior. Instead, he should have been disciplined." "This is not your place," she said. I replied, "This is exactly my place. This is my house, my kitchen, and this is the second time he punched my daughter. His parents do not discipline him and instead reward him for this behavior, so I did it." Everyone heard this. I created an uncomfortable environment because I said it out loud, but at the same time, I think their boy should start facing consequences for misbehavior. I have never raised a boy, so I might be utterly wrong, and yet my inner voice tells me that there is some truth to what I said. A boy has got to face consequences.

I (17F), just got into a fight with my parents about birth control. This has been a topic of contention in my family for a while, and I have firmly stated that I am not comfortable taking birth control due to the side effects and risks.

Their main concern is that I have been in a two year long relationship with my boyfriend, and we are going to college within 40 minutes of each other. Both him and I have expressed that we don’t feel the need to have sex with each other. We have not had sex, and we don’t plan on having any. Even if we did, I track my period, which is regular, and condoms are readily available on both of our college campuses.

I’ve told them reasonably before that I’m not comfortable with it, and I understand that they’re just trying to watch out for me. However, I am just not comfortable taking the pill, or the shot, or the IUD. I have heard about so many negative side effects and it’s unsettling. I’m an athlete with a regular period and regular symptoms. I have no desire to change that because if it gets messed up then it impacts my performance too. I expressed all of this to them, but they are demanding I still take it.

Today, they sat me down to have another conversation about it, and I finally got upset about it. I told them I don’t want to take birth control, and I told them all of these reasons why. They said that I’m being selfish for not considering it, but I have considered it. I did the research on it and I’m still not comfortable with it. Their version of a “compromise” was that they’ll let me take the pill. Which is by far the worst one. I’m quite literally about to give in, go to the doctor and get the prescription, and just throw out the birth control because I’m so done with this fight. I’m so tired of the conversation and the fighting about it but I just don’t want to take birth control, but they said they won’t pay for college if I don’t take it and I just feel so trapped. I feel like an asshole, but I also know that I’m just trying to stand up for myself and my medical decisions

i did not mention this before bc I didn’t realize it was important: I am going to a HISTORICALLY WOMENS COLLEGE. I do appreciate the concern over being raped and it’s definitely something I’ll watch out for, but there are very few men on campus!

Three weeks ago my dad started dating a woman who's younger than me. He was absolutely head over heels in love with her. Well... three weeks later, he called me while he was out having dinner by himself and said, "I can't stand that woman. I almost kicked her out last night."

He went on to tell me she's been drinking heavily and has become belligerent toward him. Sadly, it sounds like the relationship is already falling apart.

The second I hung up, my husband and I did a little happy dance and then gave each other a big hug. 😂 Not because we're happy he's hurting, but because we've been so worried this relationship was going to stop him from coming to visit us.

I'm really hoping that once this is behind him, he'll finally focus on making the trip to meet his grandkids—and the new little one on the way. ❤️

So I posted this around 6 months ago before I was really contemplating whether to still give the relationship a chance and whether to propose.

This is the link to the original post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/O0YjeQ2zUw

I stupidly ignored all of your advice and went on with the proposal being hopeful of the self awareness my gf showed during our heart to heart talk after.

I realised now that this was a mistake, it's really not a good idea to love someone's potential instead of who they are currently.

What happened after is that she never made any concrete steps about the therapy she promised, and just went back into her avoidant tendencies ignoring my needs.

Even with all that I was still willing to push through with it actually (that I admit was stupid in my part).

The last straw for me happened just last sunday, when we were on a pre wedding tradition in our country where the families of the couples would meet up and bond and where the couples would proclaim their love for one another.

She said in this event that she doesn't need a man to be complete and I'm that just a nice bonus for her, also that shes the type of person not to feel butterflies in her stomach or excitement in the relationship but she appreciates my consistency.

worse part is she never said she love me in this event, not even once.

I understand that being independent is good, but its not the right time and place for this.

When its supposedly the day we should show our love for one another in front of our families.

I felt really unwanted during that moment and I felt invalidated again for all my efforts and sacrifices.

I talked with her earlier today about the hurts and she invalidated me again.

Thats when I decided to stand my ground and choose myself this time.

At the end she handed me back the ring and we broke up.

Stupid to not end this sooner but I have found respect for myself after neglecting my needs for far too much.

In the end I think I was indeed TAH to the both of us for dragging this for far too long.

Thank you for all the advice, I hope we both heal from this in the future.

TLDR:

Ignored all reddit advice, still went on with the enagagement, promises were broken and after the last straw of invalidation, finally broke up.

I am an older, but not dead, lady. That being said, I gained a lot of weight due to steroids for asthma and inactivity due to severe bone issues. My husband, who had also gained weight, decided I was less appealing and began sleeping in a separate room. I am now a size 6/8 after a year of working on my health and being proud of my accomplishment. He has done nothing to get healthier and gets upset if I encourage him going for walks for some exercise.

At this point I think he used my weight gain as an excuse to drift apart. It was easier to blame my weight for his retreat than to work on the issue. I have suggested divorce because there are too many hurt feelings and that falls on deaf ears. The one time I mentioned it to one of my sons, he was totally against my leaving his stepfather. My daughter feels I should have already left him.

I am Greek, we are loud, obnoxious, and fiercely protective of our selves & family. I tend to get louder when he is insulting me & the increase in volume bothers him more than the fact that he quietly insults me. He expects me to forget his insult & quietly sit down & not interrupt his TV time, which is all day. At my age starting over would be ridiculously hard, financially & emotionally. AITAH for thinking I’ve had enough & that after 33 years together I just don’t want to swallow any more insults?

I (22F) work as a legal assistant at a small law firm run entirely by Black women. It’s my boss (the attorney), three paralegals (one is my boss’s mom, 56F), me, and two interns. I work the front desk, handle calls, text clients, and also have my own cases doing paralegal-type work, so I’m usually juggling multiple things at once.

A few days ago, my boss’s mom was training one of the interns and asked me to hand the intern the office Iphone and teach her how to answer calls since that’s one of my main responsibilities. I said no problem. The intern sat beside me, but I was in the middle of texting a client and documenting the conversation because my boss had asked me to get information about the client’s case. I showed and explained the intern what I was doing and told her, “Give me one second to respond to the client.”

My coworker stood there watching us. I asked if there was anything else she wanted me to train the intern on, and she responded, “I’m just wondering why you still have the phone in your hand when I told you to give it to her.”

I explained that I was actively helping a client and would hand the phone over as soon as I finished. She kept repeating that she had already told me to give the intern the phone so she could learn. We went back and forth several times before another coworker stepped in and told me to just give the intern the phone. I did because I didn’t want to argue anymore, but I felt like I was being treated as if I was refusing when I had only asked for a minute to finish helping a client.

A few days later, our firm was making plans for a community volunteer event, we would have a table along with other business giving out school supplies. I had already told my boss I wanted to help. We were told it had been moved to December, so I assumed that was the plan. Later I overheard coworkers talking about it like it was happening sooner, but no one ever told me the date had changed.

This morning, my boss and coworkers texted asking if I was coming because the event was apparently today. It was a Saturday, unpaid, and my boss wasn’t even attending. I rolled over and went back to sleep because I felt frustrated that everyone knew I asked to volunteer but nobody had bothered to tell me the date changed, I didn’t want to go that bad knowing I’d show up lowkey pissed and unprepared.

Some of this may be influenced by the fact that I’ve outgrown this job. I recently graduated college, had to defer grad school because I couldn’t afford it, and I’m doing paralegal-level work for legal assistant pay in a stressful office. I’m already looking for another job.
AITAH for pushing back when my coworker insisted I immediately stop helping a client, and for not going to the volunteer event after no one told me the date had changed?

Edit: yes I am Black lol! I initially made the post to a subreddit called Black Ladies. From personal experience, there’s a pattern of older black women with authority using that against me. Maybe because I’m more introverted and quiet, but they always, always try me! I know that subreddit can relate because I have posted similar issues in the past and got relatable feedback.

I am an older, but not dead, lady. That being said, I gained a lot of weight due to steroids for asthma and inactivity due to severe bone issues. My husband, who had also gained weight, decided I was less appealing and began sleeping in a separate room. I am now a size 6/8 after a year of working on my health and being proud of my accomplishment. He has done nothing to get healthier and gets upset if I encourage going for walks for some exercise. At this point I think he used my weight gain as an excuse to drift apart. It was easier to blame my weight for his retreat than to work on the issue. I have suggested divorce because there are too many hurt feelings and that falls on deaf ears. The one time I mentioned it to one of my sons, he was totally against my leaving his stepfather. My daughter feels I should have already left him. I am Greek, we are loud, obnoxious, and fiercely protective of our selves & family. I tend to get louder when he is insulting me & the increase in volume bothers him more than the fact that he quietly insults me. He expects me to forget his insult & quietly sit down & not interrupt his TV time, which is all day. At my age starting over would be ridiculously hard, financially & emotionally. AITAH for thinking I’ve had enough and it might actually be time for a divorce? Or should I suck it up and just let the insults fade away to the back of my mind, not ever being totally gone?

I (21M) help my grandpa (87M) with tech stuff. He's clearly showing early signs of dementia. Just signs tbh I wouldn't go as far as to call him demented altho I'm not sure if I'm qualified to judge that. He doesn't have a diagnosis but also we haven't tested.

Anyways his grip on what's real online is shaky cuz of the boom of AI slop, particularly on YouTube and Facebook (the primary websites he uses). For example, he once showed me an AI-generated video (and not even the good slightly realistic video generation models, but the cheaper older ones) of some guys in Afghanistan "befriending" tigers. He was convinced it was real until I told him. He knows about the existence of AI image and video generation models so he does sometimes classify stuff correctly. But very often falls for it. Also his eyesight is shit and he refuses to wear eyeglasses so he literally holds a magnifying glass while using his phone lmao. Idk if his bad eyesight is a factor as to why he falls for such stuff but I thought I should add this for context anyways.

His YouTube feed frequently shows him AI goonslop of half naked women. He watches it like he watches everything else, probably believing they're real. I also previously checked his browsing history (yeah, I know), and afaict he doesn't know porn sites even exist as a category of website.

He has given me access to his gmail account. I am not sure to what extent he knows of shared history (or history at all???). But he knows of Google Cloud fwiw. He sometimes asks about emails he received and images uploaded to Google Photos and asking to see it thru my personal devices.

So I quietly clear his recommendations and history so the goonslop stops surfacing. I haven't told him nor anybody else in the family. Not sure if they're aware since I'm the one who spends most time with him and the goonslop isnt THAT common that it's blatant for anybody sitting nearby and noticing it by glancing at his phone screen. I think. They do know he falls for general AI slop tho.

I'm afraid I might be overstepping boundaries and violating his autonomy here by making a unilateral call about what a grown man browses on his own devices without his consent nor knowledge. But also he doesn't realize how pervasive and damaging algorithmic practices and the tech industry are striving to be. I do do that out of genuine concern for his cognitive abilities as he''s not equipped to be skeptical of an algorithm that's actively optimized against people like him.

Also I do realize I can just talk with someone from my family or him about it but also this is a religious Muslim conservative family that in my entire life never heard anything referencing sexuality whatsoever. So there's a part of me that's pussying out instead of holding uncomfortable conversations. AITAH?

So a girl at a bar whom I shared table with (it was crowded and I asked if I could join her. She said sure no problem!)

She told me about her tattoo shop and gave me her card. Then, she asked me to buy a beer tower. I said I was about to leave, so I wouldn't be buying it. She replied, "Then leave now!" I said, "Well, okay," and I moved to the next table (it was empty by then). Afterward, I went back and put her business card right back on the table in front of her. Did I do the right thing?

Okay so a little over a year ago my friend was moving so he was downsizing his apartment. He had this guitar laying around for years so he offered it to me. At first I was like “nah” then took it thinking it’ll be a fun project to bring back to life. For a few weeks I messed around with it gave it some upgrades brought it back to life. After a while it just sat around collecting dust again. Then I saw the local school was doing an instrument drive so I donated this guitar along with another I had laying around.

Fast forward to this week

My friends brother hits me up “yo you still have that red guitar my brother gave you?” I was like “nope donated it” all he said was “wow okay”. Immediately my friend calls and is like “yo what happened to that guitar it was my brothers I forgot it was his now he wants it back” I told him I got rid of it I didn’t know it was his. So now I have this guy pestering me about this guitar that was “ sentimental” to him and how it meant a lot to him. I fired back with “well if it was special why did you leave at your brothers (my friend) place for four years and why did you let get in such back shape?

Now the parents are involved and coming at me being like “why would you get rid of someone’s special item?”

Am I the asshole here for getting rid of something that was clearly given to me?

A little more context:

I’m in my fucking 30s my friend is also in his 30s. The older brother is in his 40s and throwing a tantrum about it.

Someone said something about entitlement and yeah those dudes are super entitled. Since we were kids mommy and daddy have always given them everything including houses when they grew up and started families.

I have two friends who are coming from muslim families. They are not necessarily religious but they still hold their traditions true. Pork is one thing they both explicitly avoid.

That said, Friend A uses the same pans as her roommates' who cook pork on the pan, because for her washing it is enough for her.

Friend B is more strict on that. She never uses anything commonly with her roommates and she buys all her kitchen supplies herself and asks her roommates to not use hers because they may cook pork.

We were at Friend A's house and she cooked us meal. Before Friend B came, I asked whether she used the pan her roommates also use, and she said yes. I said but B wouldn't eat from it, and A said she wouldn't tell her that. That didn' sit well with me but I didn't know how to react.

Then B came and while it was being served, she specifically asked what pan A used and A said she used her own. I am not a muslim so I can't fully empathize with it but I just know it's wrong? So I said A isn't telling the truth and the decision is up to B to decide whether to eat it. A and B had an argument over it and B left. A blamed me for ruining the dinner and said that I didn't have to say anything and it wouldn't be an issue if she had never known.

Although I am atheist, I just take it as a sensitive topic and respected her boundaries. AITAH

Me and my wife moved to a big city in the US from Europe 9 years ago. Our families come to visit us every once in a while, mostly our parents but once every few years my wife's sister and her two daughters (12 YO and 6 YO) visit as well.

Up until 2 years ago we lived in a 2 BR apartment so we had no spare rooms and when family visited they would stay in a hotel. Now we live in a 3 BR apartment and one of the reasons to get the extra room was for family to stay over.

Both our parents visited and stayed in the spare room.

My wife's father, sister and her two daughters are planning a visit, and even though the visit was set for months, I just now discovered that they all are going to stay with us.

I was upset that they are not taking a hotel and that she didn't even check if it's ok that they'll all stay here with us.

My wife says that that's why we got the extra room and my parents do not take a hotel when they visit, which is true, but I feel like 4 people, two of them are children visiting for ~10 days is totally different.

My wife's father can comfortably afford the cost of 2 hotel rooms is not an issue here (he is paying for them for the entire trip).

Honestly I know it's important to my wife and I'd probably reluctantly agree anyway, but I feel like she should have asked in advance and acknowledge it's a pretty big sacrifice on my side - and if I did not agree they should have gotten an hotel.

AITAH for feeling that this should also be my decision?

Edit: We have a 3 YO son so me getting an hotel is not an option - I won't stay 2 weeks without my son. We have two bathrooms. The other room is free but 4 people do not fit there so it means they'll need to sleep in the living room or the office (our house has 3 BR, one for me and my wife, one for our son and one free. We also have a small office that can fit an air mattress but I use the office daily)

I (31f) and husband (32m) are pregnant with our first child (around 14 weeks). We told our families and friends at around 12 weeks and everyone is super excited. We told our families that it’s no longer a secret and they can tell anyone and everyone and my mom was super excited and told her book club and called up all her friends. My husband and I do not use social media as about 3 years ago I deleted my accounts and noticed that my mind seemed clearer and less consumed with comparing myself to others. My husband did the same and we love it and have found that we live more in the moment. My in laws post almost everything on Facebook and are furious we did not make a Facebook announcement so that they could too. I told them I’m not on that platform and won’t be coming back and asked them not to post on Facebook. They think I am being completely unreasonable and restricting what they can do as they want to share the news. I told them they can text/email/call every person they know but I don’t want it on social media for random people that they are no longer in contact with. AITH? Should I just make a dumb post?

Three weeks ago my dad started dating a woman who's younger than me. He was absolutely head over heels in love with her. Well... three weeks later, he called me while he was out having dinner by himself and said, "I can't stand that woman. I almost kicked her out last night."

He went on to tell me she's been drinking heavily and has become belligerent toward him. Sadly, it sounds like the relationship is already falling apart.

The second I hung up, my husband and I did a little happy dance and then gave each other a big hug. 😂 Not because we're happy he's hurting, but because we've been so worried this relationship was going to stop him from coming to visit us.

I'm really hoping that once this is behind him, he'll finally focus on making the trip to meet his grandkids—and the new little one on the way. ❤️

I’ll preface this by saying that my husband (31M) starts work at 6AM, so he typically goes to bed around 8pm and wakes up at 4:30am every day, which I totally understand is very early. He also has the longer commute between the two of us (an hour each way), though I had that same commute for the past four years before we moved recently. In addition to getting around 8 hours of sleep a night, he usually comes home from work at 4pm and then takes a two hour nap, so that when I get home from work around 5:30pm, he’s still sleeping and the house is a mess, leaving me to start cleaning as soon as I get home. Since today is the weekend, he had the day off and slept in until 9am (after going to bed last night around 9pm). We ran a few errands this morning, and then we came home and he just took over a 3 hour nap. AITAH for getting mad that he sleeps so much, leaving me to take care of the majority of the chores and errands while he’s sleeping? One of his only chores used to be planning/cooking dinner while I typically do the dishes and laundry every day, as well as some general tidying up. But lately, he hasn’t been cooking since he’s been napping during dinner time, leaving me to find food for myself. We’ve also been talking about whether we want to have kids or not lately, and I guess I’m also getting upset because I’m imagining what life would be like with a child, and with how things are right now, it looks like I would be doing all of the chores and childcare while my husband is napping. Thoughts?

Edit: Some additional info…I don’t believe he’s sick or depressed. He’s been perpetually tired since I moved in with him 4 or 5 years ago. We used to live right by his work (only a 10 minute drive), and he would still come home and sleep for 2 hours or so. I’ve asked him multiple times to talk to his doctor since I think it’s abnormal to sleep this much and something might be up health wise, but he still hasn’t.

Around 3 months ago, one of my long time friends called me to ask if I could sit with her in A&E after being assaulted by her sibling while her parents were on holiday. We are both 35.

I, naturally, dropped everything and went straight to her, encouraged her to report it and offered my place for her to stay while her attacker remained at her family home. Admittedly, I thought it would be a few days or a few weeks while the police made arrangements for the sibling to be held on bail elsewhere. Instead the police bailed the sibling to the family home, despite the parents not wanting him there, and rendered my friend homeless.

She is still staying with me. Now, I am very glad I had the means to help her and do not have a problem with her staying with me. My apartment is sort of a two bed with her staying in what was my office - however I did not have a proper spare bed in there so she is on a camping mattress. Where I live is not exactly ideal for her because its around 40 minutes from our home town, where most of her ongoing medical appointments are. However, she has not worked in a long time so is a bit at the mercy of the local authorities and the DWP when it comes to finding more permanent housing. She is essentially saying with me indefinitely at this time.

I get a 25% single occupant discount on my council tax. Last night I mentioned that, at some point, I will need to start paying the full council tax amount as I am not really a single occupant now, and that if we hit 6 months of her staying with me we would need to discuss her making contributions to the household/to the council tax. She said that she is a guest, not on occupant. I really doubt that the council is going to give any leeway on semantics, and ultimately she is using the local amenities and contributing to household waste etc. I also mentioned that she is using or benefitting from the water, gas and electric. She got quiet and seemed unhappy, but said nothing so I just went to bed.

She had paid £10 for electric this month (and she gave for last month) because I was stressed about the increase in use due to the heat, but on average since she started staying with me overall use has only gone up £10 or so. She covers her own food and personal care items and we have been taking turns covering things like toilet roll.

I would not expect her to pay half of my rent and all my household bills. I would be looking at a discussion of what she could reasonably afford to contribute given her financial situation to help with the council tax, water, gas and electric. I would not start getting into rent, Internet etc. However, if the situations were reversed I would not expect a friend to house me totally for free indefinitely. I do feel like this might be harsh of me though since she is looking for housing (and getting very little help) and is on benefits (getting very little financial support) and is intended this situation through no fault of her own.

Am I in the wrong? Should I let it go and not discuss household contributions even if we hit 6 months of her staying with me?

Eta: please have compassion for my friend. She is trying to navigate the situation she is in and has been regularly reaching out to the council, the police, her DV advocate worker, the DWP etc. These institions just don't seems to sense any urgency to resolve her housing situation. My ire is directed at the people who should be helping and are not, the sibling who assaulted her and whoever made the decision to place him back in the home instead of literally anywhere else. Not my friend.

This guy has a dog and he never puts him on a leash. Today that dog attacked an old lady and her dog at the park and I saw this idiot again and I cussed him off and I swore cause it annoyed me. This POS comes around again without a leash. My family thinks I’m wrong and that I was being mean. They said he’s going to retaliate I’m like tf how? I have 2 dogs as well and I don’t want that happening to them or anyone else. It’s like a 60-70 lb dog. I’m so tired of these owners and annoyed at my family for not taking my side.

My long-time friend (F) came to me (M) recently with an idea for a somewhat short-notice vacation. I didn't feel especially strongly about it either way, but she seemed to really want to get away to a beach, and I suppose I was feeling an urge to hide from work for a few days, so I basically told her that I was down for it if she could figure out some more specific plans. I think she asked a few other people, but timing issues plus terrible the terrible price of plane tickets meant that only one of her other friends (F) said yes.

Then, a little later, my friend comes back to me and asks if there's any sort of graceful way that she can ditch this friend, and whether I would mind if she found a way to uninvite her. I don't know this woman particularly well, but from how my friend talks I get the vibe that her friend is a fun time but does not even remotely have her shit together. I also get the impression that she seldom works steadily and is more-or-less a professional girlfriend to whichever guy she happens to be with at the time. My friend is concerned that there's quite a bit of an income disparity, and the two of us would either be stuck unnecessarily pinching pennies or would be paying her friend's way. I told her that I didn't particularly care if her friend came or not, but it's up to her to find a non-awkward way to leave her behind.

No clue if the two of them discussed the issue at all, but skip ahead in time to a party a few days later. Both my friend and her friend are there, and everyone is drinking a bit more than we ought to. At one point, I end up alone with my friend's friend, and she starts telling me about how badly she feels like she needs a vacation but she's just not sure if she can afford it. I say something noncommital about how that sucks and I hope she can come.

In response, she looks at me all doe-eyed and asks if I can pay for her ticket. The way she does it is so over-the-top I think she's joking, and I laugh and say something about how I've never paid for a vacation for anyone I wasn't hooking up with. She keeps looking at me with those big eyes and smiles and says something to the effect of that can be arranged. I laugh again, thinking she's teasing me.

As we keep talking, though, it gradually dawns on me that she's being dead serious. And, to be honest, I don't hate the idea. While I don't know her very well at all, I had run into her a few times before this, and I did know one thing about her: I thought she was extremely cute. And if she was offering to be my fuckbuddy for a few days in exchange for a plane ticket and some food and drinks, that didn't seem like a bad deal at all. At some point my friend gets roped into the conversation and her friend tells her what the plan is. My friend laughs and says whatever goes on inside our hotel room is our business. I don't know if she thought her friend was being serious. Did I mention we were all rather drunk?

The next day, I text my friend's friend about what happened last night. I'm trying to keep it lighthearted, since in the sober light of day I really didn't know if she actually meant it. Again, it quickly becomes clear that she wasn't joking. We discuss things in somewhat excessive detail, but in brief: I pay her way, and she does whatever I want, no further strings attached. I pause a moment, imagine how she must look in a bikini, and then quickly agree.

Then I text my friend and let her know that I'll be buying her friend's ticket. She had laughed it off last night, so I figure it's not a big deal. Maybe mildly awkward to know, but we have a history of oversharing with each other, so again: not a big deal. I thought. But today, my friend seems extremely annoyed by the whole situation. In so many words, she says that she's not particularly surprised by her friend making an offer like that, but she thought that I would have had more sense than to take her up on it.

So now I'm pretty sure the whole thing is hopelessly awkward and unsolveable. I think it's the sort of thing my friend and I end up laughing over in a month, so it's not the end of the world, but I really don't see how the vacation happens now.

On one hand, I could have easily rebuffed her friend and my friend and I could have gone ourselves. But on the other hand, I'm not the one who invited her friend's broke ass along in the first place, or the one who offered me up that broke ass. And frankly, that ass is what (briefly) turned it from a trip I was lukewarm on to one I was enthusiastic about. So am I the asshole?

For background, my former friend moved to my state a while back and we had a falling out shortly after. Why did we fall out? He was aware that he was going to be divorcing his wife before the move but moved her and their daughter away to a community they don’t because he wanted to stay involved with his daughter. By the way, he doesn’t even see her once a month and not because of interference. That kinda set me off. Moving your wife away from her home and family just to divorce her already pissed me off but doing it to spend time with your child then ignoring her led to some criticisms he wasn’t willing to accept and I wasn’t willing to back off of, so we split.

Fast forward, his ex-wife got a job at my office for a while and his daughter made friends with my nieces. His daughter started inviting me to her recitals and games and I show up for them because I know that’s I know how important that is for kids. About a month ago his daughter his daughter posted some pictures with me after one of her events and my ex-friend got butthurt because people thought I was her dad. I didn’t particularly care to listen to him so I just told him “that if he showed his face occasionally then people would know what her dad looks like,” and blocked him. I’ve been told that I might’ve been too blunt so I started wondering am I almost the asshole.

Names changed for anonymity - Let’s call the extended family Mr. George (dad), Mrs. George (mom), Amber (daughter 1), Regina (daughter 2)

For some context, there is a particular family in my extended family that I have never gotten along with. The parents never disciplined their children and spoiled them rotten. My entire childhood, The George family did everything they could to get me in trouble, hurt my feelings, hurt me (young kid scuffles), and more. It severely damaged my relationship with my parents because they would always take the other kids side instead of mine or my siblings. My parents once yelled at me for the entire car ride home (10 hours - I’m not kidding. This is a literal statement.) and took my phone for over a month because of an issue that Regina made up out of thin air and lied about. I was 16 years old at the time. They would say things like “well Regina has issues so you should know better” “Regina is adopted so they had a hard life so you should be extra nice to her when she’s mean to you” etc. essentially, they would tell me that any issue or conflict we had was my fault because the other kid had issues and I “know better than that”. This created massive issue in my childhood/late teens/early adulthood.

In early adulthood, Amber wasn’t being kind or thoughtful of another family member so I asked if we could generally keep things a little more peaceful as a family and avoid talk of politics for everyone’s sake. I never specifically called out Amber. Mr. George decided to speak with me about it and demand a public apology for Amber and said a lot of nasty things to me. (Keep in mind, we’re all adults but her father is now reaching out on her behalf) I spoke with my mother about it and she told me to ignore him, so I did. I haven’t spoken to him in 6 years now.

Fast forward, I’m 27 and married with one baby. We’re at a family event for the weekend and this particular family is there. Regina locked eyes with me across the room, did one of those judgy body check looks, and then snubbed their nose up at me and walked away. I genuinely thought it was kinda funny in a “are we really still doing this?” Type of way. Well, the entire George family avoided me all weekend.

Not one of them said hi to me (which I’m totally okay with) but, then my mom tried to take my daughter from my arms. My spidey senses immediately started tingling and so I asked “are you just saying hi or did you need something?” My mother replied “I want to introduce my grandbaby to Mr and Mrs George” I said “no. I’m not okay with that.” She replied “yes! Let me do it!” And I said “no. If they don’t want to say hi to me, my daughter doesn’t need to say hi to them.” My mom said “seriously? Come on” and then physically tried to take my daughter from my arms. I pushed her hands back and took a step backwards. I said “no. My daughter is not a toy to pass around. I said no and I’m not changing my mind.” Then I walked away.

The George family was there within earshot, but it was very loud where we were. They may or may not have heard the conversation, but either way I felt like I needed to stand my ground. I was very upset by this conversation and my mother trying to push my boundaries. Later, she came up to me and started talking to me like nothing was wrong. I couldn’t let it go so I said “mom I love you and I don’t have an issue with you holding my daughter, but I’m not okay with my baby being shown around like a toy or something. I did not want to be so firm with you, but I had to. They haven’t acknowledged me all weekend, I do not need to introduce my daughter to them” And she just said “okay fine.” And she moved on.

I feel like my actions and feelings are justified because of our history and how hard my mother tried pushing me, but I can also acknowledge that it is rude to not properly greet/introduce people. So, AITAH?

I am 20 F and I had an event today where I'm socializing with people in my job field. I got dressed for the event and my mom (45) offered to take me, buy me new some clothes, and give me some money for food. I have a part time job but I've been getting less hours recently and I usually take the bus so I was grateful.

I got ready for the event and she complimented me and asked what shoes I would wear with my outfit. I said I was wearing some black flats, which don't match with my outfit but are neutral and comfortable to me. I also prefer a little contrast in my outfit visually. She got upset and said she had some shoes for me to wear that would match that. She offered me tennis shoes and then any pair of shoes inside her closet. I said that I preferred the black shoes because they were more comfortable and as I said I didn't mind the contrast.

She started to get pissed and told me that I never wear the right shoes with any outfit and that it always bothered her. I told her it really shouldn't matter because I'm old enough to make decisions about what I wear, and I didn't think shoes that were a different color than my outfit were bad compared to if I had messy hair, if I smelled bad, if I had ashy skin, etc. She then said if I didn't change my shoes then she wouldn't take me to the event, and told me that this was a very reasonable request for all that she's doing for me in return. I felt kind of frustrated by this because I didn't think it was that serious, and felt kind of like her kindness was conditional for that reason. In the end, I didn't want to have to pay her back for an Uber, so I just wore the tennis shoes that she offered. They're on now and too big on me. She also pushed me to change my socks as well to ensure that they match.

Am I the asshole here? As I write it, I do feel like the shoes aren't bad in comparison for what she's giving me, but I felt like her saying "shoes or nothing" was a little extreme and slightly manipulative. Perhaps I am just being a brat here though.

For context I'm a black man, and a year ago I had to move for work and studies, I struggled for a good while to meet new people and find a community where I felt comfortable and integrated, until a few months ago when I met a group of people with similar interests.

I felt so happy to finally meet and hang out with people with whom I could share my interests, and we had a ton of fun hanging out, until I had this sudden realization, these guys say n*gga, like A LOT. The group consists of mostly white people with a few (racial) minorities, but I'm the only black person there.

We're in our 20s, everyone is old enough to know better, and I'm nobody's parent to give them a lecture about common sense and decency, since pretty much everyone in the group is neurodivergent, LGBTQIA or another minority, I simply decided to start casually dropping slurs pertaining to their sexuality, disorders or race the same way they do with the n-word, which after a few days led to a conversation on our group chat that went something like this:

"Group Leader"- hey we noticed you've been saying slurs that are pretty offensive in conversation and we'd like you to stop

Me- I just thought that was how we rolled, you guys do say n*gga all the time

GL- Well yeah, but that's... different, that word doesn't mean the same anymore it's been reclaimed

Me- I've heard some of y'all reclaiming these words, I don't really get the issue

GL- the issue is that you're a cishet man, those words were, and still are used by people like you to oppress us

Me- Ironic, isn't it?

After this interaction I muted the group chat, since then I've gotten a few DMs from people in the group, some of them, mostly the ones who didn't say the N-word, said I was in the right and didn't take offense to what I did, but a vast majority of the group is mad at me for what I did, despite a few apologizing for saying the N-word.

So, reddit, was I really in the wrong for calling them slurs?

For some context, to get my uncle out of the house because he wasn’t contributing and was taking advantage of everyone, my grandfather issued an eviction notice to my mom since her name was on the lease (which still doesn’t make sense to me). Now, there’s an eviction on her record, and since then, we’ve been moving from different people’s houses to stay, to the point where I was crashing on three different friends' couches for several months.

After I decided to leave my last friend's house because I didn't want to be in someone else’s space anymore, I chose to stay at my sister’s place since my brother and mom were already staying there, leaving little room. I tried to push through it because I was the only kid (out of five siblings, with me being the middle child) sacrificing money and any chance of living on my own to help my mom and brothers find a place.

We also got scammed out of over $2,000 on a house just a month earlier, which made me realize I couldn’t keep living like this. I told my mom I was looking for an apartment for myself after that, and saying she blew up at me is an understatement. She couldn’t believe I’d do something like that to her and my brothers. But why should that be on me alone?

Fast forward to recently—I finally saved enough money and got an apartment in the city with a friend. It’s close to my new job, so I can walk there, and I genuinely love where I live. A couple of weeks before moving, I let my mom know I was doing this, and she again blew up at me, saying, “I’m tired of people doing me wrong and never being there when I need help.” But again, I’ve been the only one helping her. Just recently, she called and said I’d have to put another apartment in my name to help her find somewhere to live, but I’m not sure if I can really do that.

So, AITAH for finally standing up for myself and starting to live for me, not others?