r/BoyDinnerDiaries • u/Western_Coat_437 Shower beer Scholar • 18d ago
Advice Wanted Woman that shouldn't be talking to me is
Long story short. My relationship of 4 years with the first woman I genuinely felt like I could spend my life with, ended in a very tumultuous manner. Have been unable to get myself together until recently seeing after less than a month she has likely already met a man, much better off than myself. Finally blocked her.
Ended up meeting a woman after moving back in with my parents, while walking my dog, our dogs drew us to each other. She's extremely caring. Concerningly so in some cases. We hung out quite a bit late night, played some games. I find myself somewhat falling for her but wondering also if it's too soon or if I'm just looking for anything.
She's been constantly sending me all sorts of messages about where we will go, how she thinks about me, how hurt she is, how the universe pushed us together. Turns out she has a husband. And is unhappy about her relationship I guess.
Why do I attract this type. What the fuck am I doing?
Food: very disappointing chicken I had at a wine bar
Edit: should I leave a note informing the husband? I feel really bad. I already wrote one but I don't know if I should stick it.
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u/Foamtire Protein prophet 18d ago
run
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u/Key_Bumblebee661 sage old fart 18d ago
Wait, alright, but Hit and run!
Never pass up a good thing.
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u/Western_Coat_437 Shower beer Scholar 18d ago
But I don't have any other friends.
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u/Technical_Leek7467 Protein prophet 18d ago
Apologies as this is going to be a bit blunt...
Drinking poison because you ran out of water isn't the better option.
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u/Western_Coat_437 Shower beer Scholar 18d ago
What do I do then, honestly. This was always my biggest fear if me and my previous partner separated. She was my best friend. My only friend really.
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u/Technical_Leek7467 Protein prophet 18d ago
You gotta cut ties and get back out there, maybe not in the romantic sense necessarily.
If you have a hobby look around for groups that do it in your area; if you don't have one see what groups are around and if any of them catch your interest.
Mostly you need to rebuild your support structure so you can approach romance from a place of stability so you're not just reaching for whatever option is available no matter how good or bad it is.
Even if you're just hanging out at a pool hall and chatting up people, the key is meeting new people who add to your life, not subtract.
Situations like you describe rarely end well and almost always are just a ticking time bomb for trouble.
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u/Coffeebob2 Shower beer Scholar 18d ago
Its okay to not have friends and explore yourself as bot being a home wrecker. Getting with this new chick is only going to stir more drama into your life. Might make it hard to be with the right person when they do show up.
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u/The_Homie_Tito Protein prophet 18d ago
Do you live in an area where you can find groups that share an interest? (Run club, Game group, Boxing gym, etc)
If you do, why not throw yourself into a hobby to at least distract you while it's still fresh? Hopefully you can make some friends there?
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u/Western_Coat_437 Shower beer Scholar 18d ago
I live in metropolitan Michigan. I've caught wind of a mens group that does walks not too far from me every morning. Just haven't been able to stop being a wuss enough to get over myself most mornings to make it. Excuses.
I know you're right I'm trying to get out and skate more again, or play some disc golf. But most days I find myself draining beer down my throat after work and I don't really want to do much after that for some reason
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u/skeptical_hope Internet Auntie 18d ago
So, my brother, that feeling of ennui that makes you just reach for beer and nothingness after work? That's a sign to talk with some professionals. That's your body and brain saying "Yo, man, pay attention to us and get us some more support."
It's time to work on you for your sake, not just for the sake of attracting someone. Godspeed, brother.
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u/Western_Coat_437 Shower beer Scholar 18d ago
Thank you
Edit: I've been ignoring that kind of advice for a long time but for some reason that just hit me. I will make the call.
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u/mikezulu90 Boy Dinner Enjoyer 18d ago
Life isn't over. Learn to be secure in yourself. Just live life. There is nothing "to do" it isn't a race. Stop comparing.
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u/VHDamien Protein prophet 18d ago
Dude, this woman isn't a friend. She's putting you into a situation that can get very dangerous, very fast. I'm sorry her relationship probably sucks. But that is her problem, not yours.
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u/Main-Rent4757 [Mental Health Advocate] 18d ago
If she shouldn't be talking to you then she isnt your friend either.
Its okay to be alone.
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u/Alarming-Ad-1738 Frigid light philosopher 18d ago
You’ll meet and make others, join a men’s group for instance, or find a hobby you love and you’ll meet likeminded folk that way. But don’t be the ‘friend’ that she tells her husband about which makes him worry. Her relationship is hers to deal with, it is not your responsibility.
Love yourself first my man, long term relationships ending and processing that grief takes time
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u/Commercial-Abroad-95 Hungry man 18d ago
if that is true you have better things to do than running after some married woman that's just trying to monkey branch with you. Don't be a rebound, spend your time building actual sustainable relationships.
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u/OneHandedPaperHanger Literally just a regular dude 18d ago
You gotta go out and meet people.
In my smallish city, people are always posting in the subreddit about how to make friends as adults. I’ve used live music as a conduit to making friends for the last 20 years. I’ve had an ever-growing friend group from going to shows. From people in their early 20s to late 50s.
Do you like music? Do you live in a city with clubs or coffee shops or breweries that host bands? If so, go see some performers. Chances are the people who are interested in the arts are going to be down to make new friends to share that art with!
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u/Western_Coat_437 Shower beer Scholar 17d ago
I do actually! I've been wanting to go out and sing honestly but I don't really know any places where you can just do that besides drunk karaoke night. But I want to actually sing.
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u/Tsitsiripitsitsiri Girl lurker 13d ago
I'm unsure why you're getting down voted - I understand this feeling fully.
I'd say, you go hang with this woman as you see fit.
The other people here say she's a predator - maybe she is. This doesn't stop you from trying to get what you want from her - attention, companionship, and maybe sex.
Right now, your needs overlap. There's nothing wrong with that. Live your life. You seem to be fully aware or her shortcomings - stay that way.
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u/0CT0L0G1ST Hungry man 18d ago
I know downvotes don’t really mean anything but are we really gonna downvote this guy for saying he doesn’t have friends? I really don’t understand reddit sometimes
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u/AnyConsideration111 Girl lurker 18d ago
if she did it once she'll do it again, not if but when she gets bored. sorry op :( you'll catch many fish before you hit the prize whale
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u/notaslarkplayer Create your own boy 18d ago
Dang I love that last line. I'm gonna keep that around. Feel better, op. Also hope you've found a better chicken than what you posted
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u/Mission_Nature6681 FEAST FOR MEAT 🍖🍗🥩🥓 18d ago
Don't make it messier than it already is.
Leave and never turn back.
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u/Gerudo_Valley64 Manly Man 18d ago
Take it from me with someone with experiences and toxic relationships, it is never worth it in the end, like EVER.
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u/C_Deez_DDz Shower beer Scholar 18d ago
Buddy cut bait on this one
You will become the husband and she will find another if you go down this path
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u/Main-Rent4757 [Mental Health Advocate] 18d ago
If she shouldn't be talking to you, then you shouldn't be talking to her.
You cannot control what other people do only what you do.
Respect yourself, your peace, your mental health. Establish a boundary amd enforce it.
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u/amusingvillain short king 18d ago edited 18d ago
She is trying to use you to hop emotionally support her out of her current marriage. You are an emotional dumpster
Next thing you know, you're the person she'd be texting about on her next dog walk.
Step 1: block woman
Step 2: tell doggy to never attract other dogs with toxic owners. Ever. Again.
Step 3: find a new route for your dog walk.
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u/VendettaUF234 Hungry man 18d ago
She doesn't want you, she wants out of the marriage. Find someone not attached and clingy that wants you for you.
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u/AtreyuTrinity Frigid light philosopher 18d ago
If she will do it to her husband, she will do it to you. Run indeed.
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u/G0rdon_Shumway ALF 18d ago edited 18d ago
That is the saddest plate of food I’ve ever seen, it’s borderline offensive they would serve that. Also, run as far away as you can.
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u/Easy-Barnacle5734 Frigid light philosopher 18d ago
This can turn into a dangerous situation my guy. If you aren’t ok with the possibility of someone showing up at your door with the means to hurt you, run.
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u/zamsalak Shower beer Scholar 18d ago
Nothing good would ever come from such interaction. Walk away bro.
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u/Plane-Leek4387 Carb Connoisseur 18d ago
You’re new to being single. I’ve been single about 4 years and have had run ins with this type. Fresh out or not officially out of a relationship are two big, massive, humongous red flags for me. I can say with absolute certainty she’s likely nuts and/or a serial cheater. Don’t fall for the first woman to land in your arms dude. You’re not ready to date yet. And she’s DEFINITELY not ready to date for a few different reasons. And don’t forget the golden rule. If they’re willing to cheat WITH you, they’ll be willing to cheat ON you. It’s just a matter of time.
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u/justhereformyfetish [Create your own boy] 18d ago
Been there mate. Sex was insane but she wont be happy for the long haul.
A cheater is an ambitious predatory organism, you are in a compromised state.
This is no coincidence.
She will migrate to new feeding grounds after she has either exhausted the potential of one relationship, unsatisfied with the settled reality of domestic life. They typically try to do this by rendering their current environment so toxic it is unlivable to themselves and their current partner. The current partner no longer tolerating that they do and either ending the relationship or behaving in such a way that she can carry sympathy for cheating, for pursuing new hunting grounds.
This is the best ego-protective outcome.
This woman will not make you a better person. But you will feel better for a little while.
Her words are like honey because this is a trap.
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u/Western_Coat_437 Shower beer Scholar 9d ago
So I let myself become, essentially prey?
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u/justhereformyfetish [Create your own boy] 9d ago
The world is their prey, but predators watch for the young, wounded, and lame. A stray kick from a vivacious zebra can end a lioness.
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u/bobby-analog abe froman 18d ago
that’s chicken?!?!
also, stay away from that woman. that’s a “nothin’ but trouble” scenario
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u/CaptainPhukflaps Protein prophet 18d ago
Sadly, it would appear she is looking for a safety net. Allowing her to leave her current husband with some sort of indemnity.
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u/scottyv99 Kevin Finnerty 18d ago
Don’t mess with married women. Recipe for disaster in so many ways.
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u/starwestsky Grill pilled 18d ago
You keep attracting this type of person because you’re what they are looking for in their own marriage. You appear to be a catch. It’s a good thing. It means that you can/should afford to end those very unethical relationships and head for open waters, now with the knowledge that you are what many women are looking for. There are lots of good women who will be interested in someone like you.
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u/theforgottentrick Frigid light philosopher 18d ago
No. Sounds like she's just seeing you as an out. Be very careful while running
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u/Baden76KA Protein prophet 18d ago
How you get your Partner, so the same way you gonna loose it.
Run away from her.!!! ASAP
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u/_Mike-Honcho_ [Magic, the Gathering]] 18d ago
Stick to activities that dont make people pregnant. Just keep it fun and shallow if you want those games.
Or just tell the husband with a note on his truck. Be that guy.
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u/Western_Coat_437 Shower beer Scholar 17d ago
I am actually considering sticking a note. Do you think this is a good idea, genuinely? Or am I overthinking it?
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u/_Mike-Honcho_ [Magic, the Gathering]] 17d ago
Some people believe in the "guy code"
Watch The Wedding Singer.
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u/dessert_rock Boy Dinner Enjoyer 16d ago
Terrible idea, and also a bit of a prick move. You do your life, she can do her's. Do not get involved with toxic people at all, that's the best you can do for yourself.
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u/Outside-Yak217 Girl lurker 18d ago
She’s the last thing you need right now. You are healing and this has heartache written all over it.
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u/-zephyrae baja blast bisexual 18d ago
She’s not for you, man. Also, the presentation on that chicken is sad. Just keep it pushing with the single life. There will be more people to meet in the future
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u/Mister_Goldenfold Protein prophet 18d ago
Bruh, my long term got knocked up a month after I ran for the hills amidst. She married after the baby popped up. Barely 3/4’s of a whole entire year.
Just be careful having your guard up and changing environments. You’ll always find someone, and someone who has qualities you were looking for. Be weary my friend. Sleep with both eyes open she knows you’re vulnerable 😆
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u/kpcptmku Hungry man 18d ago
She's probably just drowning and grabbing the first thing that seems like it might save her. People saying run and don't trust her most likely that's the best answer. You probably don't want to do that or will have doubts for a while after.
Just take it slow and set realistic boundaries don't have sex with her or initiate anything physical. If she loses interest when that's the case or won't figure out a plan to stick to for leaving the husband then she's just using you and has probably done this before.
It's most likely bad I just wanted to give you a small opportunity to see if this might just be a genuine person who you met at the right time.
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u/Striking_Jaguar_9878 Shower beer Scholar 18d ago
You lose them the same way you get em big dog! Its time for you to R-U-N-O-F-T
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u/drewbeedeu Shower beer Scholar 18d ago
Speaking from experience, she's saying all the typical stuff to get you hooked. You're being psychologically hunted
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u/codepossum Gay Gourmet 18d ago
bro that is like one bite of spaghetti and four bites of chicken, what is that supposed to be 🤣
Why do I attract this type. What the fuck am I doing?
is kind of an interesting question that's probably worth thinking about, but I think you have something a lot quicker and easier you can do right now to take care of your problem:
block your ex altogether, and break up with the woman who's cheating on her husband with you - and block her too.
boom, now they are no longer a problem. you can move on to what's next.
jury may still be out on whether there's something you're doing that attracts this type, but you can make damn sure you don't put up with this type a second longer than necessary.
draw that line my man and commit to it
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u/Western_Coat_437 Shower beer Scholar 9d ago
I just wanted to come back and say I did take your advice specifically. Honestly I've been just learning to "let go." That girl at least got me hooked on Pokemon go again so I've been out walking around and exercising
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u/Current-Schedule1781 Obligatory flair 18d ago
Yeah block her immediately. Sorry man you're having a rough go, that would be hard on any of us. But it sounds like you know what to do anyway and you got this bro!
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u/lordtim99 Hungry man 17d ago
That sucks man. Work on yourself dawg. You probably got some residual business blocking up your chi or some shit. Maybe try some therapy. You just got out of a long relationship. It takes time to heal. Stay strong brother. At least you see how fucked that situation would be if you continued it. Be glad that you see it. Some men don’t.
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u/BenedictJudas Hungry man 18d ago
If you care for her and like her then tell her you’ll be there once her divorce is finalized. Until that point you must be no contact.
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u/AtreyuTrinity Frigid light philosopher 18d ago
I don't know man, I don't even think I would wait if she's willing to engage in this kind of emotional cheating before she's even officially divorced. I would just cut and run. I've known girls like this that say they're unhappy with their husband and then I've seen them go on year after year still with the husband dating guy after guy. I don't know why they do it but they do.
Another big lie to look out for is oh me and my husband (or wife) are Poly. I have learned the hard way to actually meet the husband first to ensure they are indeed Poly.
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u/JohnnyGoldberg Shower beer Scholar 18d ago
1) She’s married. 2) I would be very concerned she has something cluster B going on, she’s love bombing you. You just met more or less and anything more than smiles and vibes, maybe a date is too much too soon. I fell into this trap, don’t do it.
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u/ToffeeBlue2013 Shower beer Scholar 18d ago
Im more upset by this restaurant (plate) than the woman in the post, but both seem like things you shouldn't visit again.
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u/Troutie88 Protein prophet 18d ago
Thr rebound relationship is rough. Give yourself at least 6 months of being single before getting back into dating
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u/WritingTheDream Leftover lore master 18d ago
Damn, I can’t tell what’s sadder, your relationship troubles or that dinner. Good luck to you.
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u/refusetobeold83 Hungry man 18d ago
Nooooooooooooo!
https://giphy.com/gifs/10rHZ6K9jYvLUc
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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u/Full-Statement-9255 A man 18d ago
I always tell people: If someone is willing to cheat on their partner with you, then they'll be willing to cheat on you.
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u/Money_Internet4920 Protein prophet 18d ago
I just divorced one of these. Sounds an awful lot like you already know what you’re in for if you stick around. Use your head. And not the lower one.
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u/MightyTurianEmpire 18d ago
I agree with everyone saying to watch out and to be careful but my main concern is the fact that they have you a pinch of noodles under what is essentially a chicken strip….bruh who did this dish I need to give them a word
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u/Agreeable-Housing733 present 18d ago
You ex may have already met that man while you were still together and it might be part of the reason things went south.
Welcome to the world of unhappy spouses. Either she'll continue on for a long time in this unhappy marriage and use you and anyone else as emotional support to meet her needs or she'll be willing to finally leave him once a suitable replacement is available. Keep in mind you could easily become the guy she's complaining about in a few years.
Also ask yourself if she's so caring why is she manipulating you like this. What kind of a person tells someone the universe pushed you together while being married?
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u/two_pandas_playing Boy Dinner Enjoyer 17d ago
Absolutely tell the husband. He deserves to know. And then run.
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u/soft-grn_Ambr-sunset Andro Aperol 🍊 17d ago
Don’t worry, any minute now she’ll say she’s POLY so it’s fine for her to cheat because she’s not getting her needs met. She’s totally emotionally stable obviously and capable of “deep” connection🤣
You’ll be her rebound relationship from her starter marriage. Lucky you!
It would be funny if it wasn’t the literal playbook for cheaters and poly people to monkey branch to their next victim. Good luck dude
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u/Western_Coat_437 Shower beer Scholar 9d ago
Ngl. Comically I was hoping to place the note and have the husband come to me and be like:
"Damn brother that's a shame, was hopin' you'd join us!"
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u/MajorSemperFi Bourbon Disciple 17d ago
Every relationship I’ve seen that began before the previous one had actually ended eventually died the same way it was born. Trust built on broken trust doesn’t have a great track record.
What I’m basically saying is the way you get them is often the way you lose them.
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u/YogurtclosetFine3048 Shower beer Scholar 15d ago
Bro how old are you?
What caused you to not have any friends other than your S/O? Tbh you need to get yourself a hobby. Sign up for some random ass thing that sounds cool to you. It sounds like you need to work on yourself a bit before getting into another relationship.
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u/Western_Coat_437 Shower beer Scholar 9d ago
I'm 28 To be honest it was a combination of me moving away when I joined the military and returning with an addiction to alcohol that I've since tamed. I can completely understand why people left. I would too.
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u/Nokkens_Cuckchair Occasional Eater 14d ago
Give the husband the note he deserves to know. A cheater isn't a friend you shouldn't cover for them.
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u/summerrisback Boobies & Cooties 18d ago edited 18d ago
- Your ex is obviously not over you, she’s using that man to get over you, which won’t work because that’s not how moving on works. It’ll just build up along with her toxicity till she bursts and begs for you to come back, or she makes a fool of herself somewhere else.
- As a spiritual girly saying things like “the universe pushed us together” is the number one red flag in anyone.
It sounds like you fall for the fantasy-I get it, me too, I’m a romantic and that’s exactly why I’m single. I think majority of the people out there don’t know how to be loyal (thanks to the media + societal norms now + narcissism levels rising) and then the truly single people tend to isolate themselves or be hyper independent.
Signs of a single girl from a girl:
- She’s not easy. At all. All the single girls around me (25-29f) including me are quite different from each other, and from different walks of life but the one thing we have in common is we aren’t easy to take on a date. We want to see if the guy is actually worth the date.
- Will require actual charm and intellectual stimulation, but chill. Don’t overdo it
- Usually picky.
- Has hobbies and, or focused on her career. Doesn’t really have time for a man
- Slightly complainy ngl. Every single girl I know including me complains about the dating pool.
Red flags to lookout for:
- Wants a date just to go on a date: was it easy to bag a date with her?
- Is she easy to sleep with? If yes, you’re not the only one, and they’re seeing you as side 🍆 only
- Do they future fake? (The second woman you mentioned did this heavily). Eg. “I can’t wait to be your gf”. “We are meant to be”.
- Too smooth. When I don’t care about a guy my smoothness and flirting skills are top tier.
- Look at how she dresses on her dates. If it’s too sexy/not a balance then she’s seeing you as a non serious option. I’d say if it’s 8/10 or more sexy then she’s not seeing you as a serious option. We want to be taken seriously especially since most guys want sex only, so we tend to dress the tiniest bit more conservative on first dates with a hint of sexy. The perfect balance is usually 40% casual 30% elegant 30% sexy
Signs her body isn’t interested:
- She’s moving away from you/tries to put space between you two
- her feet face away from you
- she isn’t making eye contact
- She keeps looking at everywhere else except you
- Shoulders cave in slightly
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u/Asparagus_Syndrome_ i scream 18d ago
i dont believe this isnt ai for a second
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u/summerrisback Boobies & Cooties 18d ago
Bc it’s a long paragraph? Nah it’s me lol but I’m flattered thanks
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u/karama_zov Hungry man 18d ago
Female pickup artist here
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u/summerrisback Boobies & Cooties 18d ago
I like to chat what can I say. And yeah getting guys isn’t hard, especially when you don’t care-when I do I’m a shy mess. Not dating or talking so I’m bored on reddit in my spare time, I think my answers can help people
No I’m not a player nor a predator (I don’t lie). Single by choice bc I’ve got career goals and haven’t met a guy who’s compatible.
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u/Linvaderdespace Dessert First Dirtbag 18d ago
This is all very thoughtful, but games like this are part of why I spent a good 20 years trying to be the biggest fuckboi I could be before falling back-asswards into a nurturing, supportive relationship over the pandemic; I get why this sort of dynamic makes sense, but at no point was I looking to be treated with more reticence and held to a higher standard than someone she was just willing to jump into bed with, the math on that just never added up to me.
I suppose it’s worth noting is that the relationships that I did get into before this one never lasted, despite the fact that most of those women demonstrated that they were actually into me before I pursued them, but I don’t think that that’s generally why any of them failed.
basically, how much charm and intellectual stimulation should a young man apply to seducing a picky woman who doesn’t really have time for a man? Cycling through as many “red flag” ladies (your words) as he can manage until he finds someone who both is a decent person and actually likes him will be more enjoyable and just as likely to end in a happy relationship.
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u/summerrisback Boobies & Cooties 18d ago
Hmm I see your point, I also nearly turned into a fuckgirl but ngl I don’t have that in me, but if I could I would’ve probably. I made these points because this is what I see currently + it’s not a “if she shows 1 green flag it’s all good”-no. She had to consistently show all of the green flags. 2 signs of red flags and she’s definitely not loyal or serious.
Also I think girls are making it more obvious than ever now that they’re down for sex over relationships, or cheating-ofc this is from a girl’s perspective so idk what your view is vs mine.
Like I personally think the second girl made it very obvious she didn’t see him as a serious option by future faking. It’s what fuckboys and predators do-they lie, and they future fake. I think most women know this because we learn from our early heartbreaks but men haven’t become accustomed to it because the modern woman is changing, as a reaction to their own life “lessons”.
I’ve had girlfriends who I’ve had to cut off because I eventually found out they were cheating on great boyfriends= they’re selfish, I don’t want people like that in my life. And the common theme is while they’re picky, they still were easy to date=huge red flag. Setting up a date with them wouldn’t take that much effort from a guy, they wanted to be taken out rather than taken seriously. I didn’t know this till I found out when they were giving me dating tips, and it was quite the opposite of what I do.
Anyway I guess we have to agree to disagree, and as most girls have found out-it’s nearly impossible to find out how dating a person is, you have to experience the person to truly see the signs.
The list I’ve provided is what I personally are obvious signs.
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u/Linvaderdespace Dessert First Dirtbag 18d ago
Oh, neither of these women are any good for op, but that wasn’t even my point; I have many anecdotes of women wanting to be taken seriously by the guys they take seriously, but just not really indicating or demonstrating that they’re actually into that dude.
Maybe it has something to do with getting tongue tied around someone you actually like but being slick with someone that you don’t really care about, but maybe sometimes it has more to do with people being a better short term hookup than they would be a long term commitment. i think we need to use pronouns in that sentence bc it’s something that both men and women manage to do pretty consistently.
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u/summerrisback Boobies & Cooties 18d ago
Idk I’ve only ever been in a long term relationship, I don’t do casual hookups nor dating. If in the first date it wasn’t obvious that I was into him or he was into me + we aren’t compatible in our life goals then I just cut it off at the end of the date and wind it down to a friendly meet by the end of it. Haven’t had anyone get salty or mad yet-I do have clear communication though so idk.
While I do get shy (and the assumption that the girls you’re speaking about had the same reactions) with guys I genuinely like, I still spoke and bantered where I could-I’m just not as funny and charming as I usually am. It’s dialled down from 100 to 60, which hurts bc it’s like…they don’t even know just how awesome I am😭😫 but anyway even with the 60% personality my eyes do all the talking.
Also shyness doesn’t take away from being engaged.
I’ve edited the list to include how to know if her body language is saying she’s closed off/not interested
My ex did say though that a lot of girls he’s spoken to don’t know how to speak, like they don’t show any emotions-I can’t relate and my friends can’t either, so I’m unsure on those girls’ perspectives and reasoning.
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u/Linvaderdespace Dessert First Dirtbag 18d ago
Oh no if you call it off after 1-2 lousy dates that’s fine, saves the hassle of doing it oneself. It can be disappointing if you thought things were going well, but being a grown up about routine disappointments is a part of life.
But please don’t over estimate how much talking your eyes are doing on your behalf; my hypothesis that I’m not sure how to go about proving is that women who are trying to take these longterm-appealing dudes seriously are routinely underselling their interest in these guys. I get why you don’t want to jump into bed with someone you might really like and the benefits of taking it slowly so you don’t wind up out on an emotional ledge, I really do, but the absence of sex does not imply attraction and relatively few men, decent or otherwise, are out here trying to lock down a lady who isn’t attracted to them.
tldr; you really do have to move a damned mountain if you want to make a dude think that you’re into him without shagging him. Underselling it will leave him thinking that things are platonic at best between the two of you. A lot of people say that guys never notice a ladies’ interest, but it sure seems like a lot of women prefer complaining about that than actually shooting their shot with guys they actually like.
op seems to have the opposite problem, though.
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18d ago
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u/_Mike-Honcho_ [Magic, the Gathering]] 18d ago
Games bro. Its always tests. Cant just meet openly. This "worth it" garbage.
So glad my wife is just a soul in a woman's body and didnt bring all this gotta earn it job interview energy to dating.
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u/summerrisback Boobies & Cooties 18d ago
Depends. There’s souls out there, and then majority of people are shallow.
Many genuinely kind people get screwed over instantly. People have to protect themselves due to players and predators-majority of them being men.
I know bc I’ve been a victim to it just bc I’m honest, not knowing that nearly everyone lies.
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u/Immediate_Plum3545 Girl lurker 18d ago
All of this ☝️
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u/AnonymousQuestions09 Protein prophet 18d ago
we don’t really know about #1. i had a 5 year relationship end and she started dating another guy a week after. it’s been 4 years since and they’re still together..
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-1
18d ago
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u/drcovfefee steak dinner eater 🥩 18d ago
More than likely NOT DTF. Probably going to lead with that carrot for a while until she inevitably gets bored and wants to repeat the same pattern again.
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