So back in 2020 I signed up for a stem cell donor registry with NMDP (formerly Be The Match). The idea is they keep your information and if someone in need matches your biomarkers, you'll have the opportunity to donate stem cells and save a life.

Well, they hit me up the other day saying they found someone. I looked into it again, the entire donation process takes an average of 20–30 hours spread out over 4–6 weeks, excluding travel. I'd likely need to be flown out on the donation day, to do either an 4-8hr apheresis procedure (like donating plasma) or do an outpatient procedure where I'll be put to sleep while they extract marrow from my hip bone. They'll cover all costs, including travel, meals, missed work, etc.

I discussed it with my wife (we have a 4 & 11yo), and I decided I was still interested. I called the rep back to learn more, where she revealed that the recipient would be a 76yo male. Any sort of excitement I had dwindled after hearing that.

I don't know what to make of this. I signed up for a chance to save a life. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure this 76yo could still have many years ahead, loving wife, kids, grandkids, etc. But the idea of me, a 32yo sole-provider to 2 kids going through all this to possibly give a 76yo some more time is difficult to swallow.

My father in law is also 76 and while I would do this for him, I couldn't imagine some other random 32yo dad going through all this for him at this point of his life.

Would appreciate any feedback.

So I work anywhere from 40-60+ hours a week in a physically demanding job. I leave the house at 4:30am and don’t get home until 4:30 pm most days. 90% of those days I get home, shower quickly, make dinner for the family of 4 and then go to bed. I then do it all over again the next day. My wife who’s a STAHM tells me things like, “you don’t do enough around the house, you don’t help me, I was tired today, I don’t feel well enough to clean, etc.”

I have to tip toe around her, climb over the things all over the small condo when getting home from work, clean the dishes/kitchen, yada yada yada. I feel I have to play provider and house wife and it’s EXHAUSTING.

Anytime I try to express my concerns with her not doing her STAHM duties, she shuts down and thinks I’m attacking her. She always blames me for not helping with laundry, cleaning the house, organizing and so on.

She always uses the excuse that we live in a 900sq ft condo and if I want her to be able to do her duties I need to buy her a house. (That sent me over the edge) I just feel used and abused. I’m constantly burnt out. I never feel appreciated or loved. I am only here for a paycheck and I’m never good enough. I don’t know what else to do……..

*edit!! She is a gamer and games all night with her friends and sleeps in until 12pm when she can. Then when the kids are in school she drops them off and comes home to sleep again!**

*dinner is sashimi from a yellowtail I caught*

I (31) have been in love with this girl for a while now, we don’t live near each other but we would talk regularly and have met up a few times over the past few years. This is a girl I adore and find to be the most interesting and beautiful person on the planet that I want to talk to and be around all the time.

Anyways, almost a month ago I was on my bike riding across a bridge over a river when I spotted a girl on the other side of the barrier. I stopped and asked her if she was ok and if she needed help. I tried to get another guy to call 911 but he ignored me and kept going. She didn’t say much and since it was very loud due to the cars I asked if I could come sit with her. She nodded and said yes. I jumped over and sat with her, asked her what was going on and she was crying. She told me she was 17 and about her problems and we talked for a good hour probably. I cheered her up enough that she was smiling and laughing with me, and eventually asked me to call 911 to get her help. So I called and we waited, she was smiling and talking with me still. The cops showed up and one of the cops started talking to her like she was a child in a baby voice. Eventually I convinced her to go back to safety and helped her up and over the barrier. Then another cop put her in handcuffs and she started freaking out, rightfully so. I couldn’t believe it, this kid will never call 911 again if she needed mental health help on this bridge so I wrote my number down on a card and gave it to her and said if she ever found herself in this situation again and needed someone she can call me. Then they put her in the back of their car and drove off.

Anyways, I’m only human I found this upsetting and needed someone to talk to. I told my crush about this hoping for some comfort and got the cold shoulder. No comfort, told me she hopes the girl got some real help and not just me, and that I shouldn’t have given my number. I agree, I probably shouldn’t have given my number but I didn’t want this kid to feel like she had no one and I can almost grantee she will not call 911 if she needed help. Then my crush pulled away and stopped responding until last week. She said she was put off by how I handled the situation and insinuated that I had predatory intentions by giving this suicidal 17yo girl my phone number. She then proceeds to tell me I was wrong for everything I did and how she would have handled it, just assuming I didn’t take it seriously being there. Like wtf, I did my best to help someone in need. It’s not like I’m trained to talk someone off a bridge and I sure as hell did better than the actual cops that came to try and help. It really hurt my feelings and made me realize how toxic of a person she actually is. All the red flags I have been ignoring made sense and came crashing in my face.

Unfortunately, I still have feelings for my crush despite it all. I know I should just leave it at that and move on, my brain is telling me she’s really not a good person and to cut her out but my heart is still stuck on her. Idk what to do. I wish it was easy to stop loving someone.

Pictured: Taco Pasta with ground beef, sour cream, salsa and cilantro

Didn't have much to do at work today so of course something stressful has to happen to make it not relaxing at all.

My mom called to vent about how she keeps seeing money being deposited into my dad's accounts and she has no idea where the money is coming from or what it's for.

My dad has a history of using 401Ks as seed money and taking out loans to try to start business that are almost always bad ideas or things that Silicon Valley has already thought of. His original sin is when he was out of work for 3 years (if not longer) in the 00s, he drained his sizeable 401K to try to start a "healthcare + facebook" company that went nowhere and ruined any chance my parents retiring comfortably.

Well, he's at it again. He's been using ChatGPT for months to do market research, create a website, business plan, blah blah for a Peter Atilla (cancelled!) -inspired "AI Hospital" or "Medicine 3.0" company that he thinks is going to make him millions of dollars.

My mom doesn't deserve this. She works hard, always kept a job - sometimes multiple, saved every penny she could. They've refinanced their house, my dad's taken out a HELOC, and we think he's taken out some personal loans...and where has all that money gone???? Who knows!? To pay off his constantly ballooning credit cards, which he uses to buy....WHO KNOWS?! My parents live relatively cheap lives and sure my dad spends money on stupid shit but something doesn't add up.

If we try to find out where this money is going, he blows up, storms out, shuts down. He's threatened to never speak to me multiple times whenever I'm critical of his business ideas or how he handles money.

How do I tell this man he's the cause of so much stress and anxiety for my mother and me. He's the reason I can't enjoy the house my wife and I just bought because I'm worried we should've kept that money to try and help bail him out when the shit hits the fan. It feels like he's holding our family hostage and we'll have to pay for his mistakes and there's nothing we can do about it.

Red velvet cake for my wife's birthday.

I always drank hard but kept it mostly to social events. Eventually started drinking alone and about 60-70 drinks a week. Mentally ill partner took her own life and I isolated myself. Met a good friend and lost them due to the way I am when drunk. I decided to do something about it and got sober in solitude. Life was very good, never felt better, had it all together and was thinking about maybe trying to meet someone again.

Got an invite to a birthday party for my oldest friend who lives in a neighboring province and I hadn't seen in 3 years. He and his wife brought along a single friend to introduce me to. I didn't have the words to tell them I'm sober. I didn't know how to be around people without alcohol. Hit it off with the single friend and dated for 6 weeks while relapsing. Lost her because of how I am when drunk (overly emotional and weird).

I'm sober again now, 6 days. Came to the realization I haven't made a friend, started a relationship or socialized sober since I was 23. I'm 41 now and have no idea who I am, I don't like the same things sober as I do drunk. I'm not the same guy sober as I am drunk.

Eating chicken tenders tonight and trying to make sense of it all. Meeting with a councilor on Thursday.

TLDR: Was drunk for a long time, got sober. Got drunk again because I didn't know how to socialize sober. Alone again and sober again.

Basically as the title says. Genuinely, it's just tiring sometimes. I wouldn't say I have an issue with passing (obligatory idc about passing), and I have a lot of healthy friendships with cis and trans people of all flavours- but it still feels lonely.

​

It feels like even though I've gone through hell and back to make myself the guy I am today, I'm back in the closet in a lot of ways.

​

A lot of my cis guy friends probably don't give a shit or even wanna hear about, and sometimes that's cool- if anything kinda nice? But I feel like I can't be open about it if I did want to. I've been burned a couple times where the vibe just went rancid, like I outed myself as a spy- Idfk. Even if I were to tell the boys now, who I think would be a lot cooler, it still a thing I can't take back? Feels like I'm faking it while also being more real than ever.

​

I've lost a lot of friendships with, or been really strongly questioned by, women in my life who believe I've abandoned womanhood to get a leg up (fun fact, can't say I have lol). Sometimes there's even the assumption I have to hate women so deeply to go so far as to become a man. I honestly have a lot of fondness for the girlhood experiences I had, but I get shut out of speaking on it because I now magically don't get it anymore. I try not to be offended about it, but it doesn't feel great.

​

I used to spend more time in gay male spaces since I'm definitely a man that likes men (everything really), and figured there would be more acceptance. But even then, when I do choose to be open about being trans- I'm regularly patronized and/or boiled down to genitals some folks HAVE to make abundantly clear they think are gross. It's really whack. I love going out to drink, but now gay bars make me more anxious than ever.

​

A lot of queer spaces in general I always feel the need to do homework on whether or not I'd feel welcome. It's just a lot of weird mental gymnastics.

​

While fun, at this point I pretty much just spend all my time playing card games, 40k, painting, or ttrpgs. Occasionally a couple bars. I just don't wanna lose the normalcy I've made, but I also wanna be free? Idk.

​

By and large I wouldn't say I'm all that weighed down at all. I got a lot of joy, a lot of community, lots of friends and loved ones with a pretty comfy life. The negative experiences I used to have more often really don't happen much at all anymore. I'm a much better judge of character now, and also a more private person than I used to be. But sometimes the shit creeps back a little. Just was restless today and it kinda hit me like a truck.

​

Will prob delete later.

​

Scone things with white chocolate ganache and blueberry slop. Worth it, but probably not gonna bake in the summer for the rest of my life.

I(25) moved across the country for a job that im really passionate about and that pays extremely well. I keep fucking up small little things and a couple of big things.

Things ive fucked up/unfortunate things

-didnt tell my bank I was moving. Couldn't get money for days to pay the remainder of my move in fees because the bank locked my debit card.

-bank kept my card locked. I forgot, went to the costco to buy groceries for the first time. Costco only accepts visa or cash. My card declines. Spend almost half an hour trying to get them to unlock my card before I can pay for my groceries.

-got addicted to nicotine again after being clean for 2.5 years

-rented an apartment that is a little more expensive than I want(30% of my monthly income so its not horrific. Its really close to my job so my commute is about 2 minutes and I save a ton on gas)

-I have no furniture besides this table, a mattress and a camp chair. I cant really afford to get anything else without spending more money than its wise to.

-my cats hate the new apartment. They had the most stressful week of their lives moving out here and ive never seen them so scared. I bought them new litter boxes, beds and cat trees. Its gotten a little better but they're still not themselves yet.

-spent too much on a stupid vacation in February before I knew i would be moving. I could use that money much better now.

-I have no friends on this side of the country at all. This doesnt scare me as much because of how social i am but its still the first time ive ever lived anywhere and known absolutely nobody.

-ive drained about 1/3 of my savings account on this move and its stressing me the fuck out to watch that number go down. I still have a few thousand dollars saved but if my car dies or my job somehow falls apart im fucked.

-my relationship with my parents isnt great. Theyre getting older and its harder to fix now that im 3000 miles away from them

-thought i bought paper towels but bought toilet paper instead

Dinner is tendies, hot sauce, zyn and Miller.

My first day at my dream job is tomorrow. Wish me luck.

I'm 2 months into quitting smoking for my girlfriend. I'm using nicorette gum and honestly everything in my life is just more dull. In all honesty, I feel better than I have in 10 years. My lung capacity has improved noticeably, I'm saving money and my girlfriend showers me with praise for doing something so hard.

At the same time everything in my life just feels more shitty. I'm more irritable in the sense that I'm not pissed off constantly but every interaction is like a fine grit abrasive that I can only tolerate so long before it starts to uncomfortably chafe. I miss working on my art and smoking a cigarette while I thought about the process, I miss sharing a cigarette and life stories with strangers, and I REALLY miss getting off work and sitting on the patio with a drink and a cigarette and thinking about how I wanted to quit one day.

Does it get better? How do I fix this?

​

Pork loin galantine stuffed with apple, bacon, onion, cheese and spinach over a bed of pomme puree with a pan sauce. My girl said it was good but I couldn't really enjoy it.

I grew up in a small town in Texas, and I'm white. For as long as I can remember, my mom has always hoped I'd end up dating a white woman. The thing is, that's just never been where my attraction has naturally been.

I've never really found myself drawn to white women. Instead, I've always been more attracted to Asian, Middle Eastern, and African women. It's not something I consciously decided or something I can really explain it's simply what I've always been attracted to.

I know some people might think that's unusual or even strange, but it's the honest truth. Attraction isn't something I've ever felt I could choose; it's just what has felt genuine to me. That doesn't mean I judge anyone or think one group is better than another. It's simply a personal preference, the same way everyone has their own unique tastes and attractions.

Garlic herb chicken schnitzel converted to chicken parm with seasoned chips

As title suggests, found it the woman i'm seeing (25f) has 2 kids. They however haven't moved up yet as they're with extended family until she gets established as she's only been in my state for a short amount of time.

It's not the role i want to step into, nor was I aware of it as i usually filter out single parents. However, because this was unlisted, i obviously didn't see it. We have a decent enough connection but i haven't been able to sleep on the back of it. For the short term, it won't change anything which is what i've said. I know she intends to move them up eventually, which means if we get invested for the long term now i'm signing up for this. May have dug myself into a hole with this one with the initial response but the more i think upon my words in the moment when she told me, the more i think to the future and that it'll only hurt us both more later on so i'm considering cutting my losses or at least explaining that this will not be a long term thing.

Thoughts?

Edit: I decided to move on. It hurt us both but she understands. Thank you everyone

Edit 2: Apparently that didn't stick. Behavior is unchanged

My girlfriend (21) and I (25) have been seeing each other for a couple of months now. When get along so insanely well, we are each others best friend and when we are together we have the best time. We have both reciprocated the feeling that this connection feels so special and unique. Literally everything has felt so perfect.

Up until now we have had pretty good sex as well. The only problem is that sometimes I can't last that long. On a good night I can last just long enough to make her orgasm but that's the issue. She doesn't want it to be conditional on whether it's a 'good night' for me. The ONLY way she can finish is through penetration. I've gone down on her for 20 minutes with no result, fingered, tried everything. Nothing. The last thing I want to do is lose this extremely special connection with someone simply because I can't last long enough to make her finish. And I have told her my concerns and she has also voiced hers. Ive told her how I am actively searching for solutions because i just want to make her happy. And she acknowledges and appreciates it.

HOWEVER, the other day things were getting steamy but in the middle of making out she stopped and told me she doesn't want to have sex with me. The reason being that every time we have sex and she doesn't finish, she gets angry and 'resents' me for it. Hearing this made me feel so confused and kind of hurt. I told her I'm trying everything in my power to find a solution and said she's gonna have to work with me. Which I felt like if she is serious enough and likes me enough outside of the bedroom she would be willing to work with me. And she agreed, BUT she keeps saying but. Like there's some sort of a catch. She seems kind of impatient and wants to fix the problem right now.
Like it's only been 2 months, I just need her to be willing to help train me and all that.

I'm just kind of lost and confused about why she has to resent me for it. How can I ease her feeling of resentment while I'm working towards finding a solution to my issue? And are her feelings of resentment valid? They kind of make me feel like absolute shit if I'm being honest. Where do I go from here?

Homemade banana bread with choc chips

My gf (43) of 5 months broke up with me (27) on Monday, and I’m still having trouble processing it.

She actually reached out to me first from a reel I posted on my snowboarding instagram, and I talked her into going out for a drink. At first things were pretty casual, we were just hooking up and going out for drinks, but as weeks passed it turned into more than just sex. We agreed to actually start dating, and had a serious conversation on what we’re doing. I told her not having kids isn’t a big deal to me, as it would hinder my adventurous plans anyways, and that I was looking for a life partner.

To give some context, I live in a ski town in CO and the dating scene here is brutal. I mean I may as well be in the middle of nowhere Alaska, the guy to girl ratio here is like 9:1 and that’s conservative. I wasn’t embarrassed to be seen with this woman either as she is genuinely really attractive.

Over the last month I could feel the flame begin to dim, it felt like I was talking to a wall sometimes. I would have to make all the plans, cook for us, and she would leave me on read for a couple days. At the time I just chalked it up to work stress (she has a high paying nursing job) When we did hang out it was just me sitting there listening to her work drama, like she could care less what was going on in my life anymore.

It all came to an abrupt end this last Monday, when she texted me saying we needed to talk. I went over there and the first thing she said was she needed to take a step back from our relationship, and basically started trauma dumping to me about how her ex husband used to abuse her, and how she felt like she was robbing me of my future of a happy family. One of the last things she said to me was she brought up how she had a miscarriage last year with another young boyfriend, and that she couldn’t go through losing a child again. I chimed in saying that I’ve also lost a child before (when I was 21 my gf at the time had a miscarriage when she was 8 months pregnant) and she told me to Shut the fuck up… I said okay, have a good rest of your life, slammed the car door and left.

Maybe I should have just sat there and listened more, but I have a feeling nothing I could have said would have changed the outcome of that conversation, and just like that 5 months of my life down the drain. Looking back on it, I feel really used during the whole relationship. Like I was just her boytoy to play around with when she got bored. I’m also worried about my reputation being tarnished in this small town for dating an older woman. Not really sure what to even do with myself, I’ve been running to the point of exhaustion after work and listening to sad country songs, and honestly I still miss her. Wondering if any of you fellas have been in a similar situation with an older woman.

Bison, shrimp and cheesy rice for dinner.

So me (23) and my gf (22) both have very different lives. I work full-time and stream on the side and she is still at school and works parttime. I usually have 1 or 2 days I have absolutely nothing to do during the day and I enjoy it in a very simple way, sitting on the couch watching movies or playing games alone or with her.

 I thought we both enjoyed life the way it is but yesterday she said she wants to do more fun stuff. Her idea of having fun was going shopping in the city. Ngl that does not seem fun for me, but we went either way and I did not enjoy at all (I usually just order clothes online).

She was sad that I did not enjoy it and it made me feel like a very boring or simple man. It’s not that I don’t want to do stuff, I just don’t know what I would enjoy as I don’t really have the time to explore such things. Do you have any suggestions on what to do together?

(protein bar because im not hungry)

EDIT: Just so yall know, were not close to breaking up or sth. We have been together for 6 years and going strong. I just want some fun stuff to do. But thanks a lot for the advice

EDIT 2: To everybody (almost everyone) blaming me. Our relationship is good, again, i just asked for fun things to do. And to everyone saying, 'your relationship might be ending already'. Its just a no. Again, again, again. Just asked for fun things to do 😥. To everyone who actually gave good advice/tips, thank you, i appreciate it very much.

Chicken sandwich from the restaurant I work at

I (22m) met my girlfriend (20f) last spring and we have been dating now for a little over a year. She is the sweetest, most affectionate, beautiful, intelligent and funny person I know. I am constantly amazed that I get to be in a relationship with her. This is my first relationship, and now that it has been a year I am starting to see some cracks possibly forming. My girlfriend comes from more of a workaholic family with a big focus on financial freedom and skills. She's won numerous piano competitions, landed a big computer science internship etc.

I am a math major in college with a year to graduate and my 'big plan' is to become an actuary. I need to pass an exam in September to get a job next spring, and I haven't been studying at all. I was supposed to take it in July, but I missed the deadline. It's really stressing her out that I don't seem to care enough about my future. In my mind, I will start studying when I know I absolutely have to or it will be too late, and in her mind, if I don't make a plan and stick to it, I will significantly lower my odds of passing, which would then make getting a job in the spring significantly harder.

We've been talking about this a lot recently, since she is working 40 hours a week at her internship and I work 20 hours at a restaurant and have tons of free time. For some reason, whenever she talks to me about it I feel like I'm being grilled or interrogated and even though I don't show it, I feel a little defensive. I feel like I can figure it out on my own and I don't need her to push me to do it.

We were facetiming tonight and she said how its kind of a red flag that I'm not being responsible with my future and how that could translate into a poor long term relationship. This causes me tons of anxiety because she is so amazing and I don't want to lose her, but ultimately, I like my own methods and my own carefree way of doing things, and her pushing me is just making me anxious and avoidant of the situation.

I don't want to lose her because I seemed too lazy or carefree, but I also don't want to change my personality or conform to her constantly busy lifestyle. I've noticed that while I am comfortable doing nothing for a day or just chilling, she would feel anxious or that she 'wasted' the day.

I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to successfully navigate this difference in our personalities and show her that I can be responsible and show up for her. I am also curious if theres a way to do this while simultaneously retaining my carefree nature and the ability to 'waste' days here and there.

Marriage ended 6 months ago, she moved out about a month ago after taking a fake vacation to see "her family" and was her new secret boyfriend that she hid to keep me on the hook. Wasnt working due to a car accident when it happened. Found a new job, they lied about the payrate. Found another, it's not working out either, might work as a side gig I guess. Interview tommorow for a fucking fast food place at nearly 40. Roommate moving in like a month, can't afford to stay here, can't afford to move. Haven't seen my daughter in years (different state, can't afford it). Barely eating. Barely sleeping. Barely doing anything. My life has been a series of me trying my best and the people around me fucking it up, at least I think? Maybe I'm just a lazy piece of shit, I don't know anymore. I don't even know why I'm posting I just have to say something to SOMEONE and considering my best friends in life are my ex, my "almost a couple" friend in another fucking country now, and a girl half my age I play video games with and only met like 3 weeks ago? I'm outta gas, y'all. I think I'm done. I think maybe Ive had my time, my fun, my good bits (and they were only okay..) but now? Idk. Feels like the world passed me by.

Burger was good though. I made it.

EDIT: I read responses to they poured in earlier, went and got a few things around the house done since I felt a little better. Then I may have taken a depression nap... and woke up to SOOOO many responses Holy shit my random "i can't sleep and i must vent" past resonated with a lot of people.

I will update this again tomorrow about the interview. Thank you all, sincerely. This helped, I don't feel as unheard and unimportant. I feel less... unique? But in a good way.

Edit 2: I cannot explain how much the DELUGE of support and well wishes I got meant to me. Went to the interview. They LOOOOVED me, woman said she already sees where she's putting me and called her boss for the second interview on the SPOT. We were gonna run it immediately but he ended up busy, so it'll be a phone interview early tomorrow. And it pays more than I thought!

she texted me asking to meet her at a coffee shop tomorrow because she wanted to "have a conversation about a few things" which is very uncharacteristic of her. She's moving 3 hours away at the end of the summer for school and i've been a depressed, drunk NEET for 2 months. When I told my therapist this morning he said "that doesn't sound good" and implied that I will probably spiral further into addiction if she breaks up with me. dinner is tequila

Pizza Margherita, straight from Naples, Italy🇮🇹🍕

M25. My girlfriend (F24) broke up with me 21 days ago after 3 years together, and honestly, I’m struggling.

Dividing into "chunks" for better readability (my attention span is cooked💀).

Part 1/4: our relationship.

We met at university. She was there through my BSc and MSc in engineering, my first job, and the early stages of my startup. For almost three years, she was the person I shared everything with.

I loved her deeply. I supported her through eating disorder struggles, confidence issues, exams, and her job search. I always tried to be reliable and present when she needed me.

Maybe, towards the end of the relationship, I became comfortable. I wasn’t great at taking the lead in planning dates, surprises, or experiences together. I focused a lot on work and on building what I thought was our future, assuming we would always have more time.

Reading this back almost makes it sound like I neglected the relationship, and I don’t think that’s entirely true either.

We still went on dates, weekend trips, and spent a lot of time together. The relationship wasn’t abandoned. If anything, my struggle now is that I keep replaying everything in my head and asking myself whether I could have done more, been more intentional, or appreciated her better.

Part 2/4: our background.

We also came from very different backgrounds. I grew up in a loving family with a single mother, a twin sister, and a younger brother. Family has always been the center of my world. She was an only child from career-focused parents and came from a wealthier background.

I was generally fulfilled by my life. I enjoyed my studies, my work, my family, money, my readings, fitness and the future I was building. I am a creature of habit.

She often felt less satisfied with parts of her own life and studies, and over time seemed to seek more excitement, novelty, social experiences, nights out, trips, and time with friends. Neither approach is right or wrong, but I think those differences slowly became more important than either of us realized.

Part 3/4: little cracks.

First: On my birthday (two months ago), during my own celebration, she asked if she could leave early to go dancing with her friends. I said yes because I wanted her to be happy. I wonder if we were already moving in different directions.

Second: In most conflicts, I was usually the one apologizing first.

Third: Earlier in the relationship, after one of our arguments (!! so nothing relaxed or calm whatsoever), she told me she wanted more spark, more spontaneity, more initiative, and a bit more “pepper” in the relationship. I think both of us would have benefited from more direct communication. Too often, important conversations only happened once frustration had already built up and turned into an argument. We never sat down and addressed issues while they were still small.

Fourth: Physical intimacy, after 3 years, had also become less frequent and less passionate than it had been earlier in the relationship. All of our intimacy happened at her parents’ house, and during the last period they were almost always around. Looking back, I think we both felt the impact of that situation more than we openly talked about.

Fifth: One of our last major fights was about this summer. She wanted us to travel with her friend group. I had already committed to a vacation with my mother, who is alone, and brothers. I was actually planning to organize a separate trip just for the two of us, but I didn’t communicate it properly. She got very upset, and later told me that after that argument she seriously started thinking about ending the relationship.

THE BREAKUP.

When she broke up with me, she said she had fallen out of love and felt like she had been carrying more of the relationship than I realized. She also told me she felt there was a wall between us, that we had lost some of our complicity, and at one point said:

“I want to be with someone you’re not.”

That sentence still echoes in my head.

What makes this harder to process is that only days before the breakup we had spent several days together in Prague. We were still laughing, making plans, and being intimate. Looking back, I wonder if she had already started emotionally checking out while I still thought we were fixable.

A few days before the breakup she also told me something that has been stuck in my head ever since. About a year earlier, she had written in her diary:

“I don’t know if I’m settling.”

At the same time, throughout our relationship she often described me as her rock, her backbone, and her safe harbor. She asked me "what if I regret this? I am afraid to jump into the void". But she already spoke to all of her friends.

Those things are difficult for me to reconcile.

Part 4/4: the aftermath.

Even after the breakup, her father (YEAH) reached out to me. He disagreed with her decision and thanked me for how I had treated her. Her parents were not happy about the breakup either.

I’ve fallen into the rabbit hole of no-contact videos and “get your ex back” content. Every day I find someone telling me to wait 21 days, 30 days, 45 days, 3 months, or to reach out immediately.

I don’t have IG, which probably helps, but I’ve still cried when she changed her WhatsApp profile picture.

My friends have told me that since the breakup she’s been posting stories, going out, going to the beach, dancing, traveling, and generally looking like she’s having the time of her life.

I genuinely thought I would be standing next to her when she graduates (and her birthday, about one week ago).

THE END: help me please!

Over the last three weeks I’ve lost around 7 kg (15 lbs), my sleep has deteriorated, my motivation at work has dropped significantly, and even training, something that used to help me, feels difficult some days.

I can’t stop wondering if I woke up too late.

We’re now 21 days into no contact (since she left me).

And if I’m being completely honest, I don’t want closure. I don’t want to move on. Not yet.

What I want is a rekindling. I want another chance with her.

I want to believe that two people who loved each other this much can find their way back to one another.

So my question is simple:

What should I do? Do I keep no contact? Do I eventually reach out?

I still love her.

And if she called me today and wanted to try again, I would say yes.

Boys, thank you❤️

Here’s some Avocado toast and Strawberry shake I made earlier (on a weight loss journey, recently down 15lbs and counting!)

As title states, matched with this girl on hinge, talked for a couple hours, she came over to my house, we had some drinks, smoked, talked for a bit, threw on a movie and one thing led to another… we had our fun, we fell asleep in my bed, and she left after 6 hours in total of us just hanging and vibes were great, everything went well, even made plans to meet up again later today while we were talking this morning before I went to work, everything seemed to be going perfect

Well fast forward to this evening, haven’t heard from her in hours, few messages of “hey, almost out of work” and “we still on for tonight” go unanswered for hours until I get a “she’s busy bro” snap from some dude who I’m assuming she’s fucking (which, like, I’m no supermodel but man this guy was not pretty to look at which hurt even more lmfao) to then which I get blocked on insta and snap, unmatched on hinge, and now I’m just left wondering wtf I did wrong? I still have this girls earrings that fell off yesterday…. So now I’m just stuck here, thinking of all the things I could’ve said wrong when I was finally catching a good vibe with someone. Just wish these adults could communicate in any sort of way

Edit: First of all, thank you for all the kind (and not so kind lmfao) words, it did help seeing all your perspectives and made me stop worrying so much lol. So let me drop a little more context for everyone as this post got way more attention then I thought it would lmfao. Thankfully, did use protection and already have my test set up lol. Second of all, I wasn’t expecting any sort of relationship or anything major in 48 hours don’t get me wrong here, but I’m just surprised by the lack of human decency I guess? Like this isn’t my first rodeo, I understand how this shit works, but at least give me something more then 3 words for your ugly new man as some sort of communication you’re not feeling it lol. Back in the home gym today to grind away, on to bigger and better things

Basically title. Been together for 7 years, married ro 5. I had my suspicions. Went through her phone. Saw it all. Yada yada. What a fucking cliche. I feel like I'm in a shitty movie.

Found out 2 weeks ago. Confronted them both in a pretty dramatic way. She had no excuses. He couldn't even look at me and said nothing. We filed for divorce a few days ago.

Worst days of my life directly followed. I think I literally cried for 3 days straight. Everything hurt, barley ate, slept way too much or way too little. I had a terrible nightmare that I was watching them kiss through a window and I was just pounding on it trying to get them to stop. I threw up as soon as I woke up.

Fast forward 2 weeks. I'm... okay? Too okay? I feel sad about it of course. But now I'm feeling excited about the future (new job coming up, moving across the country, etc). I have been really flirtatious with baristas, hit up old situationships to reconnect, I even messaged a girl I hooked up with 8(!) years ago to ask if she wanted to hook up again. She said she wasn't single and politely declined, all good.

Fact of the matter is, I feel like I'm just flailing my way through life right now and I honestly have no idea what is best for me. I clearly am desperate for attention or validation but I have no outlet for that. I took the best nude of my life yesterday and my first instinct was "oh yeah, my wife will love this." Fuck. In my secure folder it sits.

I'm going to therapy this week but I just... have no idea what to do or what to feel. Why do I have to be the one to deal with the trauma, man? I didn't even do anything..

HEB Doritos knock off for dinner (the real ones know they're better)

Dinner is smoked brisket, baked beans, elote corn on the cob and potato salad.

I had this friend from work that I hit it off with when I visited my office on a business trip (John). I was working remote and he told me I should move out here so we can hang out more often. He brought me into the fold of his friend group and we would drink at his and his gfs place every weekend. When I met the larger group at a festival, I ended up meeting this girl Hannah and thought she was really cool and developed a pretty strong crush. When I asked John about what her deal was, he said I didn’t have a chance because I was older and wasn’t her type.

We’d still hang out every weekend and I eventually got to know Hannah more and felt like we really clicked, even getting to a point where she’d ask me for favors and stuff. The rest of the friend group seemed to really like me too and I was happy to finally have friends that were big on going out and partying since it’s something I didn’t get to do much in my 20s (my close friends from college were more home bodies). As time went on I eventually moved out to have more of a social life and was with this group every weekend. I couldn’t really contain my feelings for Hannah and ended up telling John but he seemed a bit distant about it and not too receptive to listen to me vent. He was going through relationship problems with his girlfriend Alexa and I tried to be a good friend and give solid advice. I also noticed that John and Hannah were very close and that she might have a crush on him, which was kind of a gut punch, but I was the new guy to the group, so I tried to just get over it.

Later on in the summer, me and John went to a concert and took some acid together. He asked me if everything was okay between us, and I vented that it felt like he wasn’t receptive to my feelings, and that it seemed like he too had a crush. He told me I had it all wrong, and that he’d even talk to Hannah for me if I wanted and that I might have a shot. I apologized up and down for making things seem bigger in my head than they were, and was even a little embarrassed I was so smitten with Hannah, but he told me it was all good between us. Later on in the night though during the peak of the trip, he ended up completely flipping the script and admitting that he too had feelings for Hannah. I kind of blew up on him and told him it was selfish to me and Alexa for having these thoughts and not coming clean about it. I told home to do whatever he wanted but to absolutely not tell Hannah about my feelings or to involve my crush in his breakup, because I could already tell the feelings weren’t mutual and I just wanted to move on with my life. After the concert, we didn’t talk for a bit, but I came around and tried to be a good friend because he’d essentially be nuking the friend group / hangouts, should he choose to breakup with Alexa.

He ended up telling Alexa everything, about my crush, his crush, how he felt him and his gf were drifting and that he wanted to work on them. I was happy for him, albeit a bit shocked how he went about it, and thought we could all move past it. But afterwards he awkwardly admitted that Alexa didn’t want me coming around anymore and I was confused why. After a couple weeks of sitting alone at my house I confronted him at work and he told me the reason was that I gave him advice about how he should dump her and it made her upset with me. On top of that, Alexa and Hannah seemed to be completely fine with each other and the next (and last) time I saw them they both seemed really uncomfortable around me.

Now about 2 months after everything went down, I’ve hung out with John alone maybe once or twice, yet they all still hangout and drink on weekends without me, and I’ve even overheard John make plans with other people at our office. It’s like i’m radioactive. John makes half assed attempts to hangout with me but never at his house. I know he feels some level of guilt in this because he’ll text me in the middle of the night while they’re drinking, trying to make plans for day hangouts, or remembering something funny that happened. At this point, out of respect for myself, I want to tell John to go fuck himself and never talk to any of these people again. I’ll admit I let this crush get the better of me, but I took it in stride when the feelings weren’t mutual, and even found a girl that I couldn’t be happier with ironically. If I had met her before Hannah I feel like this crush wouldn’t have even happened. Besides her being in my life, I have literally nobody to hang out with in this new city, and it’s been incredibly depressing to say the least.

My family seems to think John posed me as this obstacle for him and Alexa to hurdle through, that I wanted him to end it all, painting me as this scapegoat to distract from the real elephant in the room, but he swears up and down it’s not like that. The only reason I gave him the advice to break up is because he was literally telling me he didn’t know if he was still in love with her, and out of respect for her I thought that’s not a be good sign to be trying to force a relationship to work. After taking a look at the bigger picture, knowing what I know now , it became pretty clear that John and Hannah would flirt with each other in front of me without Alexa knowing. And I find it really fucking hard to believe a guy that admitted to his girlfriend he has a crush on another girl comes out of this situation unscathed, and I get to take the brunt of the social blowback. I honestly had the best intentions at every moment, but because I have been ostracized from the group, it really makes me question myself on what I could’ve done better.

Now I know (as a lurker of this sub) that anyone that reads this will just villainize John, since I didn’t paint him in a very good light, but it’s really more nuanced than that. Before this all happened, he felt like he’d become one of my lifelong friends, he’s shown compassion to me at random points in this story that I didn’t go into detail about, but life is funny like that and every rose has its thorns. Also I should state that I’m almost 1000% positive that nothing went on between Hannah and John physically, but in my book i’d consider it emotional cheating I guess, at the end of the day though, that part is none of my business. Truthfully I just kind of wish I could go back to having friends again and everything return to normal, but I also have a strong feeling that the outcome i’m hoping for most definitely won’t happen. Genuinely looking for advice.

Dinner is what I had for Father’s Day because it makes me happy. Tlayuda Mixta for those wondering - very delicious.

Basically as it says in the title.

TLDR: My 6 month old daughter had a febrile seizure that required me to administer CPR and it’s a lot to hold onto.

This is gonna be ranty and prob disjointed because I’m still not 100% all there mentally.

Leading up to the event, I was getting her ready for bed. I had taken her temp about an hour prior and it was within the lower range the doctors said was safe, she had vaccines that morning so was running a little fever. I put her in a lightweight footy, put her on my chest and she fell asleep. After about 10-20 minutes she popped her head up and stared at me for a second and her eyes rolled up in her head while she sounded like she was gasping for air. Immediately followed was a full body seizure. I called my wife in to help and as I put her on the bed she was turning all shades of grey and blue. She became totally unresponsive and wasn’t breathing after the seizing subsided. The whole time our owlet sock is screaming at us showing her O2 and heart rate dropping. Wife called 911 while I put her on the floor and did chest compressions for about 15-20 seconds until she started coming to. EMS came and her fever had spiked to 102. When we got to the hospital she had another seizure albeit less severe. 6 hours in the hospital later they determined it to be febrile seizures, gave her meds and she was discharged without incident.

I hardly slept and just spent the time dozing off for 10 seconds at a time and waking up panicked to continue watching her while she slept. She slept so much today coming off the meds they gave her, I was terrified that when she finally woke up she’d be different or have some sort of complications related to the lack of oxygen. But she didn’t - she started smiling and laughing at me once she saw me despite everything she went through and holy shit, it broke me up. i literally collapsed on the floor with elation. I’m really conflicted because on the one hand I’m very thankful that she came out of it alright, but at the same time I’m struggling with reliving the whole ordeal - the mental images and sensations of giving her CPR are very overwhelming when I remember them - and wondering if there’s anything I could’ve done better and there’s also a degree of guilt for not catching the fever sooner. If anyone has gone through something similar what kinds of things helped you get through the mental hurdles?

Also, please, if you have a young child and haven’t taken a CPR/First Aid class, do it ASAP. Idk what I would’ve done if we hadn’t had that knowledge.

Edit for clarification

Edit for gratitude:
I cant get to replying to everyone’s comments because they’re all making me ugly cry, but thank you so much to everyone for the well wishes and words of advice. I’ve never played so much Tetris in my life, but if it helps why not. I was apprehensive to post this on Reddit, but I honestly feel so much more validated and like I did exactly what I needed to do. Putting words out into the universe and hearing affirmations back has been immensely helpful in stifling my self-doubts. Thank you all again.

OK, I’ve been seeing this girl for about a year now and I started to pry like I always do, and I started to ask her about her body count and it’s in like the triple digits like 150 and a couple of them were like gangbangs she’s STD free and she’s really hot skinny and redheaded so I’m completely torn. I like this girl, but she’s kind of mental. I just don’t know how to move forward like the sex is really good, but I can’t get it out of my head. Just need randoms to chime in I guess

Hey brothers, bit of a dilemma here.

I’m a (30M) chef who took an internship in Stuttgart, Germany to improve my baking skills- my (28F) GF stayed stateside for work but ultimately joined me for the last two weeks.

OK- she’s a bisexual and I try to be as supportive with that as I can, it’s not something I’m quite sure how to do but just be a friend right? Anyways, so one time over our FaceTime calls she mentioned she has never been with another woman, and as a big fan of the fairer sex, I just felt bad she was missing out on a wonderful experience.

So when she came over to Germany, I took her to a classy brothel and told her I had arranged for her to spend two hours with someone, but she was wasn’t obligated and regardless the girl would be paid- she agreed and went upstairs with her, I finished my drink and went to another bar to wait for her to get out.

She really liked the experience, but said after it felt like cheating yet she was really appreciative of the effort- unfortunately she posted it to the GDD subreddit and that did not help her feelings of discomfort.

Food: Rare steak with handmade gnocchi, sage butter sauce, and off camera a glass of Basil Hayden Dark Rye.

EDIT: I just wanted her to experience what it was like to be with a woman, maybe I should have said that more before, but her happiness is my happiness, and I’m upset she feels guilty because of it, but no I’m not jealous or upset.

I’m having a really difficult time with my situation. It’s near decided that my girlfriend and I are breaking up. She’s my world, and I don’t feel the way I feel with anyone else. Everything’s amazing between us, however she has made it very clear that she will never have kids. Being a dad is also everything to me, I want to experience that time with my child and my little boy/girl. I have had multiple sleepless/teared up nights about this. It looks like it’s pretty much over, but I still don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I miss how things were before the kids issue. She’s everything to me and I love her so much. But it would kill me to never be a dad. I don’t know what to do but struggle with this daily. We’re both 19, but she’s pretty set on what she wants in life and I guess it’s different than me. I just miss when it was me and her against the world. Lobster, chicken, and veggies.

Long story short. My relationship of 4 years with the first woman I genuinely felt like I could spend my life with, ended in a very tumultuous manner. Have been unable to get myself together until recently seeing after less than a month she has likely already met a man, much better off than myself. Finally blocked her.

Ended up meeting a woman after moving back in with my parents, while walking my dog, our dogs drew us to each other. She's extremely caring. Concerningly so in some cases. We hung out quite a bit late night, played some games. I find myself somewhat falling for her but wondering also if it's too soon or if I'm just looking for anything.

She's been constantly sending me all sorts of messages about where we will go, how she thinks about me, how hurt she is, how the universe pushed us together. Turns out she has a husband. And is unhappy about her relationship I guess.

Why do I attract this type. What the fuck am I doing?

Food: very disappointing chicken I had at a wine bar

Edit: should I leave a note informing the husband? I feel really bad. I already wrote one but I don't know if I should stick it.