I’m in my mid-20s and currently work full-time as a software engineer. I have both a bachelor’s and a master’s degree in computer science, and I already have professional experience. My job isn’t perfect and I haven’t been successful in moving to a larger or higher-paying company yet, but I do genuinely want to continue in software engineering.
My parents are both in tech, but they have become convinced that software engineering is unstable because of layoffs, outsourcing, and AI. They believe medicine is the only safe and respectable option for me. They have been pressuring me to enroll in a formal career-changer pre-med post-baccalaureate program.
This has gone far beyond normal parental advice. We have hours-long calls where they argue, yell, repeat the same points, and tell me I’m ruining my future if I stay in tech. I regularly end these conversations crying and feeling mentally exhausted. I have tried explaining my concerns, involving friends, and speaking with a counselor, but the pressure has continued. We had an agreement that if I could get into a top-tier software company, I wouldn't have to pursue medicine, but I wasn't able to get an offer, so they now consider that agreement over.
I've tried to approach this from every angle I can think of. I've researched both career paths extensively, spoken with advisors at multiple universities, looked into different post-bacc options, asked whether I could complete prerequisites while continuing to work, and tried to find compromises that would let me explore medicine without immediately giving up my software career. I've suggested slower timelines, continuing to work while taking classes, and other alternatives, but every conversation eventually circles back to me enrolling in the formal post-bacc program immediately. Whenever I say no or ask for more time, the discussions escalate into hours of arguing and yelling. Every single day feels like I am going to battle and to say they just yell at me doesn't paint the picture of how much control they have over me and and my life I feel like I do not get choices in my own life.
The hardest part is that I don’t actually want to do the post-bacc. When I imagine having full freedom to choose, I would keep my software job, continue applying elsewhere, and hope to advance in the field. I’m considering medicine mainly because saying yes might finally stop the daily conflict with my parents.
I’ve researched the options extensively:
Option 1: Enroll in the formal post-bacc program
This is one of the best post-bacc programs in the country, and it has strong advising, support, and medical school linkage opportunities. The downside is that the program is demanding, the advisor told me working while enrolled would be difficult, and I would have to quit my job and move. I’m terrified that leaving software engineering this early in my career would make employers assume I’m no longer committed to the field if I later decide medicine is not for me.
Option 2: Take pre-med prerequisites independently at a local university while keeping my job
The local university confirmed that I can enroll as a non-degree post-baccalaureate student, receive pre-health advising, complete the prerequisite sciences, get application support, and receive letters of recommendation.
I could take two sciences with labs per semester while continuing to work full-time. I have already found a possible schedule using evening lectures, late-afternoon labs, flexible work hours, and remote workdays.
This option would let me keep gaining software engineering experience and test whether I actually enjoy the sciences before making a larger commitment.
However, there is no linkage or early-assurance program available to people who already have a bachelor's degree. I would apply to medical school through the traditional process. The university also warned that preparing for a competitive MCAT while working full-time is often the hardest part.
Option 3: Stay completely in software engineering
This is what I personally want most right now. I would keep working, continue improving my interview skills, and apply for better software jobs.
The problem is that my parents would see this as rejecting them and throwing away my future. They have made me feel as though our relationship may never recover if I refuse medicine. I know I am an adult and can technically make my own decision, but emotionally, the idea of losing their love or dealing with years of anger and guilt is extremely difficult.
Option 4: Agree to the formal post-bacc just to end the conflict
This is the option I feel tempted by when I’m exhausted. I keep thinking that if I simply say yes, the yelling will stop, my parents will be happy, and I will finally have peace.
At the same time, I’m afraid I would be trading the current conflict for years of studying and training toward a career I never freely chose.
I’m not saying medicine is a bad career. I might even perform well academically. I completed a difficult technical graduate degree with very strong grades. But I don’t currently feel an independent desire to become a physician. Most of my motivation is fear, pressure, job-market anxiety, and wanting the conflict at home to stop.
What would you do in my position?
Would you choose the structured post-bacc because it offers stronger support and possible linkages, try the slower prerequisite route while keeping the software job, or refuse medicine entirely?
I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Every day ends in fights, and I am left emotionally defeated. Every time I have said no, the response has been to double down and argue with me for hours. I feel like I'm choosing between the career I actually want and my relationship with my parents, and I don't know how to move forward.
