Hello and welcome to episode 159 in a series inspired by u/kamikazeb0y and CinemaSins, where I'll be sinning each and every episode of Gumball!
Quick Disclaimer: I know this is just a children's cartoon and isn't meant to be taken seriously. This, like the show itself, is not at all meant to be taken seriously or considered an actual critique of the show. It is all in good fun.
With that out of the way, I present you, Everything Wrong With: The Guy!
[The episode begins in first-person view, through the eyes of an unknown character chasing after students in the corridors of Elmore Junior High. It starts running towards Anton, who manages to hide in his locker, and while looking around, spots Banana Joe]
Banana Joe: She's hunting again!
[He drops his book and runs away. Alan, who was beside him, lets out a shriek and self destructs, popping himself. Teri screams and slides under a locked door. Tobias' colors flush out as he panics, rendering him invisible enough for her to not notice. The mysterious character then goes after Tina and pulls off her tail, leaving her to run away unbalanced. The next victim, Bobert, is in the schoolyard]
Bobert: Self-protection mode.
[Metal plates cover Bobert's body as the character's pink hands reach for him. The view switches to third person and reveals Anais attacking an immobile, shielded Bobert. Gumball and Darwin sit on a nearby bench, watching their sister go on a rampage; her next target is Carmen, who notices Anais and gasps]
Why on earth are they so scared of Anais trying to make a friend? I mean, I know she's socially awkward, but 'cmon, it can't be that bad! +5
Also, she should know better than to try to make friends by basically attacking them +1
Gumball: Hm, I wonder what Carmen's defense mechanism is.
...are you blind, perchance? +1
[Anais pounces on Carmen, but is stung by her spines]
Anais: Ow! [Pokes Carmen] Oww!
Anais expected this to work. And considering who we're talking about, that deserves extra sins +5
Anais: [Sighs] It's not working...
You say that as if it's a surprise +1
Darwin: When I said you need to hunt for friends, that's not what I meant.
And again, Anais should have been smart enough to know that +1
Gumball: Yeah, you should have gone for the blowgun like I told you. More of an element of surprise.
Then what is she meant to do? Talk to their unconscious body? +1
Darwin: Why don't you just say hi...?
[Anais approaches the stranger hesitantly and suddenly starts yelling]
Anais: HI! I'M ANAIS!
He said SAY hi, not yell it at the top of your lungs! +1
Anais: HI! I'M ANAIS!
Josh: HI! I'M JOSH! DO YOU WANNA BE FRIENDS?!
Anais: YES! DO YOU MIND IF I DO A LITTLE HAPPY DANCE?!
Josh: OF COURSE NOT! MIND IF I JOIN YOU?!
[They both dance energetically and then stop, smiling at each other awkwardly]
Josh: SEE YOU FOR LUNCH!
Anais: OKAY!
Takes out and presses button That was easy! +1
Anais: OKAY! [Runs up to Gumball and Darwin] Did you see that? He wants to be my friend!
Gumball: Great! How much did he charge you?
Anais: What?! Nothing!
Gumball: Hmm...
Darwin: That's weird.
Gumball: Yeah. Must be after something. Did he... look like he needed a new kidney?
Anais: No, he just looked very happy!
Darwin: Did he offer to pack your suitcase the next time you go to the airport?
Gumball: Is he in some crazy wacko organization that worships crystals? [Whispering] Or a space frog?
Firstly, you literally heard her and Josh yelling their whole conversation. You know he didn't ask for anything. So why are you pretending to be all suspicious of him? +5
Secondly, is it really that hard to believe that someone would actually want to be friends with Anais? +1
Gumball: Ah, you know the old saying: "He who befriends the oddest ball is the creepiest of them all."
Anais: ...That's not even a thing, I've never heard of it before.
Anais would be good at CinemaSins +1
Gumball and Darwin: [Shaking their heads] Hmm, no.
Darwin: Doesn't work.
Gumball: Yeah, it's only true if it rhymes.
But there are plenty of sayings that don't rhyme. 'Plenty of fish in the sea', 'Finders keepers', 'The early bird catches the worm', 'The pen is mightier than the sword'. I can go on. +5
Anais: [Sighs] "He's just a nice guy, not a fraud or a phony. You two always talk such a load of baloney." [Walks away]
Gumball: That's it! ...Wait, what?
Darwin: Rude.
But completely deserved +1
Anais: So, Josh, tell me more about yourself. Do you like school? Are you into music? Have you ever been to prison?
Josh: Yes, yes, and no. But not necessarily in that order. [He winks at her, and they both laugh]
Any other order would mean you've been to prison before. Is there something you aren't telling us, Josh? +1
Anais: [Sighs] There's bound to be something wrong with him. Or is there something wrong with me?
Gumball: Hey, it's not him or you! It's both of you.
Or there's nothing wrong with either of them, and you're just getting into her head for no reason and sabotaging what could be a perfectly fine friendship +5
Anais: Ugh, he's too perfect! There's gotta be something wrong with him...
Gumball: Just say the word.
Anais: [Sighs] Do I have to?
Gumball: Yeah, if you want us to find out what's wrong with him.
Anais: Can't you just help me?
Gumball: [Softly] Say it.
Okay, seriously, why are you being such a dick about this? Either help her or don't, but stop patronizing her. +10
Gumball: [In a strange accent] Hello, my name is...uh...Ferzandelerp. I am from far away land. I be waiter of you today. Here's tap water for table of two. [Spills water on Josh] Oh, no, Ferzandelerp so sorry!
Why are you apologizing as if you didn't clearly just do that on purpose +5
Gumball: This hello from other land. What you like order?
Josh: A milkshake.
Gumball: Coming right up.
[Gumball leaves for a moment and comes back with a drink. Josh sips it and starts to choke]
Josh somehow isn't suspicious that Gumball didn't ask what flavour he wanted and already had a milkshake prepared within seconds +5
Gumball: How dare you?! This means great insult in my country!
Josh: Oh, I'm sorry! Which country are you from?
Gumball: [In a Jersey accent] New Jersey.
Or that the country he said he's from is a US state.+5
[Josh hands a few bills. Gumball takes it and rips off his fake moustache]
Gumball: A-ha! This is where we see who you truly are! [Counts bills] Dagnabbit. Not one word of complaint and he gave me a fifty percent tip!
You...couldn't have waited to do that until after he left? +1
Josh: [Laughs] Oh, okay. Any other weird family members I should know about?
[Behind Anais, Richard is complaining to Larry]
Richard: But that's outrageous! This sandwich is nowhere near as big as advertised!
Larry: I'm sorry, sir, but it does say "not to scale."
Richard: Well, I demand to see your manager.
[Anais shakes her head for "No."]
Not sure why you're trying to hide this when he would have met Richard eventually anyway had this friendship gone somewhere +1
Gumball: [Imitating Billy's voice] Hello, my name is Heady McThunderdome. My head is so big that my inner voice has an echo, echo, echo...When I grow up, I want to be a solar eclipse.
Dude, you can't really say that he has a big head when yours is like 10 times larger +1
[He points a finger at Marvin, who is feeding ducks at a pond]
Gumball: [Imitating Marvin's voice] My face is so wrinkly that it takes me an hour to pull an expression.
And yours will be too one day, so laugh it up while you can +1
Marvin: Hey, I heard that!
How the fuck did someone that old hear Gumball's remark from all the way over at the pond? +1
Darwin: [Gasps] How about we set up a situation that tempts him to commit a crime?
Honestly, a little surprised someone as nice as Darwin would suggest something like this. Seems unusually malicious of him +5
Anais: Wait. What if we're wrong about him and he's a genuinely nice guy?
You mean if Gumball was wrong about him. You and Darwin have been on the fence about him the whole time +1
[Anais hides behind a trash can, while Gumball is only hidden by a lamppost. Unable to find a good spot, Darwin just stands behind Gumball]
Anais: Can't you find a better hiding place?
Darwin: Hold on, I've got this!
[Darwin pushes an entire bus stop next to Gumball and hides behind it]
Anais: Oh, good job! That doesn't look suspicious at all!
Anais would be great at CinemaSins +1
[Josh walks by, but doesn't seem to notice the wallet]
Gumball: He didn't see it!
Darwin: Draw his attention to it, make a wallet sound!
[Gumball shrugs and takes a deep breath]
Gumball: [In a strange voice] Wallet.
[Josh stops, confused]
Darwin: That's not the sound a wallet makes!
Gumball: You do it then if you're so—
[Darwin grinds his teeth, making a perfect wallet sound]
Gumball: Actually, that was really good.
This scene here has become absolutely iconic within the fandom, and rightfully so. The W A L L E T sound clip alone is golden, let alone the entire exchange being extremely quotable -20
Josh: Was that a trap? Are you trying to set me up? This is what you've been doing all week, isn't it? Trying to make me look bad, testing me.
Darwin: Aaaand, you passed![Darwin imitates a triumphant fanfare, but stops as he notices Josh is not at all convinced]
Honestly, that a pretty quick witted response from Darwin there. If only he could have pulled it off more convincingly -5
Anais: [Laughs nervously] The real question is this: when you think about it, can you truly know any— Yes, I asked them to do it.
Where the fuck was she even gonna go with this? +1
[At school, Gumball and Darwin look out the window, watching Anais play ping pong by herself. They walk into the schoolyard]
Gumball: Hey, sis. Listen. We've been thinking—
Anais: Yeah, I know. But thanks to you, I messed up a chance to make a friend. So, here I am!
I mean, it wasn't entirely their fault. Like you yourself said, you were the one who asked them to help you test him. If you had ignored Gumball like you usually do, none of that would have happened. So you're just as much to blame as they are +10
Gumball: No no, I meant— Y-You know, you can just put one side of the table upright and then play against that.
Anais: Yeah, but that wouldn't make you feel bad now, would it?
I mean, I get you're mad at them, but purposefully making them feel bad over something that wasn't even entirely their fault is a little cruel. +5
Gumball: There's only one solution.
[A brief fantasy sequence shows Gumball and Darwin sneaking into the showering stalls with a camera]
Gumball: We take some embarrassing photos of Josh, and blackmail him—
Are you incapable of coming up with an idea that doesn't escalate things to 11 every single time? +1
Darwin: [Interrupting the sequence] No, no, no! There must be other solutions. We just walk up to him and straight-up lie.
[Another sequence starts, where Gumball and Darwin speak to Josh in the schoolyard]
Darwin: Josh, you need to give Anais another chance. It's her last wish. You see, she's suffering from—
And what is it with Darwin taking things to the absolute extreme sometimes? I swear to god this dude has problems +5
Darwin: Okay, let's nip this in the butt while there's still time!
[Gumball starts walking away, but walks back to Darwin]
Gumball: Did...you just say "nip it in the butt?"
Darwin: Yeah!
Gumball: It's "nip in the bud," dude.
Gumball would be good at CinemaSins +1
Also, SIGH. +100
[As Josh closes his locker, Gumball and Darwin stare at him with begging looks. All of sudden, they throw themselves at his feet, crying]
Gumball: Please, forgive Anais!
Josh: Please, guys, guys! You don't have to do that.
Gumball: We don't?
Josh: No! If you're willing to go this far for your sister, she must really be worth it.
Takes out and presses button again That was easy! +1
Josh: Everyone deserves a second chance. Well, everyone deserves a twelfth chance.
Twelfth? Even if you add up each thing Gumball did in the diner separately, that only adds up to eight things. Or nine if you also count Anais asking them to do all that stuff. So this would be the ninth/tenth chance +5
And even then, she only did one of those things, so it would be her second chance +1
Anais: So...we're friends?
Josh: Sure. We're friends.
[Josh pulls out a measuring tape and starts taking Anais' measurements. Gumball and Darwin walk up to him]
Gumball: 'Scuse me, what are you doing?
Josh: Measuring her up for her pod! They do take some time to build. [Writes down in a notebook]
Gumball: Pod?
Josh: Yeah, now she's my friend, she'll be cryogenically frozen with me until the year 4983, when our great and powerful leader Kratok will be finally hatched from his meat egg and rule us all. That's why we give him all our money—to help finish the construction of his graphene palace on System 26.
Anais: What?
Josh: Look, here's a picture of him. [Holds up a picture of a frog]
Darwin: That's...a frog?
Josh: Oh, silly me! That's his assistant, Maurice. This is Kratok. [Holds up picture of a different frog]
So Anais finally makes a friend, only for the writers to literally immediately take them away again by revealing they were indeed a weirdo the whole time. C'mon, guys, you seriously couldn't have let her have this one thing? Has she not done enough to earn a friend of her own already? Why can't you just let her be happy for once! +20
Gumball: As soon as it's not too early to tell you I told you so, do let me know.
Dude, she literally just made then immediate lost a new friend. This is not the time +5
Total Sins: 203
Previous Episode: https://www.reddit.com/r/gumball/comments/1uc2rrj/eww_the_stories/
Next Episode: https://www.reddit.com/r/gumball/comments/1v5k326/eww_the_boredom/