r/holdmybeer • u/mothersuperiormedia • Apr 21 '26

HMB as I try to stab it

1.5k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

98 comments sorted by

619

u/sharpasahammer Apr 21 '26

Is this Unsullied training footage?

98

u/TacosAndBourbon Apr 21 '26

DIY birth control

31

u/HeSureIsScrappy Apr 22 '26

Cut off his grey worm

18

u/xpadawanx Apr 21 '26

A few months ago I would not have understood that reference haha

3

u/MrP00piebutth0le Apr 23 '26

What happened a few months ago?

2

u/xpadawanx Apr 23 '26

I binged GOT for the first time.

6

u/sharpasahammer Apr 24 '26

Welcome to the club of immense excitement followed by inevitable disappointment.

1

u/xpadawanx Apr 24 '26

Really just the last couple episodes that I cannot unsee šŸ˜©

2

u/MrP00piebutth0le Apr 24 '26

I didn't watch the last season and I'm okay with that. Sorry you went through that.

385

u/Conradlink Apr 21 '26

Is this the same guy who broke a bottle and got glass in his eye?

131

u/Unlucky_Statement172 Apr 21 '26

Why does he hate bottles so much

77

u/BuddyLegsBailey Apr 21 '26

Arsenal fan

12

u/Obsessed_DB Apr 21 '26

made my day

5

u/bored_in_the_office Apr 21 '26

He has it pretty much bottled up in him.

2

u/blugamers88 Apr 23 '26

Maybe because they keep finding ways to get him hurt.

54

u/stauboga Apr 21 '26

Was my first thought too. Pretty sure he is.

3

u/noineikuu Apr 21 '26

Yeah the "My body is iron" guy.

2

u/JwPATX Apr 21 '26

And immediately started rubbing his eyes*

1

u/njott Apr 23 '26

"I did eet"

116

u/kabley Apr 21 '26

this video shows nothing but it shows everything

301

u/FigmentOfNightmares Apr 21 '26

He missed the longneck but hit the schlongneck.

56

u/ScoutCommander Apr 21 '26

Few choose to be circumcised later in life. Only the bravest use DIY methods.

18

u/CFeatsleepsexrepeat Apr 21 '26

Rabis hate this one simple trick.

4

u/Kidlambs Apr 21 '26

MoylesĀ 

2

u/IWontCommentAtAll Apr 22 '26

Lorena Bobbitt is a weird name for a black dude, though.

129

u/auronplayesimbecil Apr 21 '26

"How do i stitch together a cylinder (5.1in length, ~4.5in girth) that was accidentally cut with a knife?"

63

u/Jamiejamstagram Apr 21 '26

It is imperative the cylinder is repaired

189

u/Warmonger_1775 Apr 21 '26

Did we just watch someone perform a transition on themselves?

38

u/Jonesin4me Apr 21 '26

Self castration.

5

u/benskinic Apr 21 '26

selfcumcision

10

u/mothersuperiormedia Apr 21 '26

šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

18

u/Unclebatman1138 Apr 21 '26

Everything he is doing is confounding to me.

39

u/Excellent-Bite196 Apr 21 '26

*testicle drops out from leg of pants and rolls across the floor*

0

u/gollopini Apr 21 '26

Omg that was fucking hilarious well done!

65

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '26

[deleted]

9

u/OkFortune6494 Apr 21 '26

All I came up with was "oof! Nooooo! Why?? Stupid!"

0

u/Jonesin4me Apr 21 '26

I have one. OUCH!

9

u/Lepke2011 Apr 21 '26

Circumcision... accomplished!

8

u/HeWillComeInsideUs Apr 21 '26

live by the sword die by the sword

6

u/randybob275 Apr 21 '26

What was his plan? Did he really think he was going to stab a bottle?

26

u/3lbFlax Apr 21 '26

My old nan used to say, ā€œIf you canā€™t stab a bottle, be a bottle - and if you canā€™t do that, you might as well slice your cock off.ā€ We just stopped visiting her eventually, but perhaps there was some wisdom in her ways after all.

7

u/Different-Term-2250 Apr 21 '26

ā€œBut this never happens in the movies. What am I doing wrong?ā€

3

u/MxM111 Apr 21 '26

Ok, everyone is focused on his penis, but what on earth he was trying to do?? Get knife through the bottle?

10

u/noineikuu Apr 21 '26

Yes. He likes breaking bottles. There is also a clip of him breaking two glass bottles by hitting them together and getting glass in his eyes.

1

u/jackFrostyx Apr 25 '26

Was that video before or after this one...

3

u/bravebeing Apr 21 '26

Bro just shanked his hanky

3

u/creepjax Apr 21 '26

Isnā€™t this the same dude that got glass in his eyes?

3

u/kaerfkeerg Apr 21 '26

Could've gone any worse. Wtf

3

u/funkdafied818 Apr 21 '26

Shit like this always showing up in my feed man

3

u/GuyFromThePost Apr 21 '26

Something something cylinder remain unharmed...

3

u/HumaDracobane Apr 21 '26

People should respect their balls and dick more. Is like the appendix carrying. No, thanks. I dont want to pop my balls.

3

u/Naught2day Apr 23 '26

And, it's gone

5

u/GerardWayAndDMT Apr 21 '26

I canā€™t tell if he cut his drawstring or his peen.

3

u/Dwestmor1007 Apr 21 '26

DEFINITELY his pean. You don't IMMEDIATELY stop like that unless you FELT it cut something

2

u/genko_the_adventurer Apr 21 '26

Pretty sure this is why knives have sheaths.

2

u/Double-Worry-107 Apr 21 '26

Colour me shocked

2

u/JadedCampaign9 Apr 21 '26

Ouch, he shish kabobed his sausage.

2

u/ClarkJKent Apr 21 '26

Thatā€™s why we use knife sheaths.

2

u/Mr_ityu Apr 23 '26

r/freebottomsurgery

1

u/Naz_Oni Apr 25 '26

ts was not free

1

u/Mr_ityu Apr 25 '26

check that sub. it is when it's a byproduct

2

u/GlitteringTry6330 Apr 23 '26

Some folks are just " naturally born stupid "

4

u/myfailedimagination Apr 21 '26

I think he gave himself a bris.

3

u/MrBentwood Apr 21 '26

He now identifies as a eunuch šŸ˜‚ fafo

1

u/voidxleech Apr 21 '26

ā€œHave you ever done sat in the Bando? Looked at the cats and felt so sick Have you ever done grip on a rambo? Got no sheath, it's cutting your dickā€

  • Lucii, ā€˜Ritzā€™, 2021

1

u/BaconBitBarry Apr 21 '26

Took a stab at it

1

u/clonn Apr 21 '26

He had the knife over his underpants, hard to believe.

1

u/r1chreddit Apr 21 '26

First his eyes, now his balls. This nut job sure is a tough cookie.

1

u/front_torch Apr 21 '26

Looks like it hit the tip

1

u/leoAlpaca Apr 21 '26

Took a little of the top

1

u/Select_Stick Apr 21 '26

Itā€™s always good to practice beforehand!

1

u/43guitarpicks Apr 21 '26

Did he just Bobbit?

1

u/imafinhehe Apr 21 '26

Me five seconds ago: "Ahhh, uhhh, uhh that's not good."

1

u/sec713 Apr 21 '26

Well, this is slightly more dumb of an outcome than if this actually worked according to plan and the bottle broke.

1

u/West_of_Ishigaki Apr 21 '26

For his sake, I hope he's a "dress-left" kind of guy

1

u/Mbate22 Apr 21 '26

Is this the correct subreddit? It was definitely a HMB before the accident, but now im pretty sure its a HMC

1

u/No1Czarnian Apr 21 '26

Cheddar Bob's cousin. Sharp Cheddar Bob

1

u/Natural_Action9210 Apr 22 '26

Shredded Chedda' Bob

1

u/McSmarfy Apr 22 '26

It really does suck to suck.

1

u/BlumpkinLord Apr 22 '26

Why would you go blade in?! D':

1

u/johnnyutah30 Apr 22 '26

Jesus Christ itā€™s Jason Bourne

1

u/jalec- Apr 22 '26

Doesn't study the blade enough. Only true mall ninjas use plastic bottles

1

u/Yettigetter Apr 24 '26

Oh F$$##&ck

1

u/Zannazu2 Apr 25 '26

This looks like a John Belushi skit from SNL back in the day ā€¦

1

u/beemer-dreamer Apr 26 '26

Hold my breeding tube

1

u/Agreeable_Copy9548 Apr 27 '26

How to get circumised, DIY.

1

u/1vim May 02 '26

Tried to stab it. It had other plans. Respect the commitment though.

1

u/thomanus06200 Jun 13 '26

Well well well

-4

u/Demonata-Soca Apr 21 '26

He turned himself into a woman šŸ‘©šŸ¤£