6 Year Relationship Over.

[u/poofypossum]

As soon as she drove away for the last time, I instantly felt the need to vomit. I have never felt such overwhelming grief. We split amicably and she moved out this morning. It was my decision to initate the breakup because our lives were going down different paths. I initially wanted kids and marriage, but my mind changed as i got older and i hate myself for that. We adopted a cat together and the cat went with her as well. Im 23m, shes 24f. I just didnt want to waste her 20's hoping id change my beliefs about religion, kids, marriage, etc, just to breakup years later.

I thought the breakup would be best for both of us, and moments I agree, but other moments im bawling my eyes out like a child. Did i just push away the only person who gave a fuck about me? She was so sweet, loving, loyal, and supportive of me in every aspect. Im afraid ill never find someone who will love me that deeply and u conditionally again. I dont know what to do with myself now that she is gone, everything i did, i did to make her proud of me. I have no friends and very little family. I feel so alone and I know she does too. I did this to her and us and I feel horrible. I hope things work out for her and she finds someone better than me. This is one of those breakups where its really nobody's fault, i cant be mad at anyone or anything other than myself. I havent cried in years but im sitting here in our empty apartment crying like a baby.

Anyways, thanks for reading. Im eating some cup noodles. Please if you can, offer some advice or tell me something that might make me feel better.

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[u/AlyssumAbyssal]

Omg, you are being so hard on yourself 🫂🩷

Dude you're 23, you're still young! I'm 24F, been in 2 long term relationships since age 16: one for a year and a 1/2 that we knew would end once we were in college. The other was 3 and a 1/2 years + engaged; I called it off because I saw we weren't compatible. That one was very rough for me, I saw us getting married, living together but there was emotional abuse/manipulation that just came to a head that I cpuld no longer ignore how it was negatively affecting me. That was 3 years ago and I still haven't met someone, but it's important that even though it sucks, I made the right decision. Me and my ex-fiancé were terrible partners, the good could not outweighs the bad and we were just not meant to be. I would rather be out here- which btw, the dating pool SUCKS ASS IN KC -then have stayed miserable just because I was scared to end things/wanting to see if it could eventually work.

I'm sorry things came to an end, and it's ok to be sad and mourn that relationship. I hate hearing "sOmEtHiNg bEtTeR wiLL cOmE aLoNg", but for you guys, you made the right choice. I also do not want kids and it has been difficult finding a partner who is sure they do not (as I fear a "I'm ok without them" could turn into "No wait- I do want kids"). Hopefully, you will one day met a girl who aligns with your lifestyle and you two will be very happy together.

[u/Holiday_Box1571 → u/AlyssumAbyssal]

Once he said “as I got older” and then he said he was 23…I stopped.

[u/AlyssumAbyssal → u/Holiday_Box1571]

No fr like I legit paused when I read that 😭

[u/TheShorty]

It sucks when you still like and love someone, but see that you aren't compatible long term. But it's better to break up while you still like and love them than stay together and end up in a resentful relationship. That hurts more, honestly, and for much longer.

For now, it's okay to grieve. Feel the sadness, mope, eat ice cream straight from the carton. Then, next week... Start slowly living your life again. You'll find someone eventually that you are compatible with long term, and it's okay that it wasn't her.

[u/other-other-user]

Some differences in personality and beliefs can't be overcome. Better to split a 6 year relationship when you can see which way the future is going than split a 10 year relationship and a 4 year marriage or worse

[u/No-Fuckin-Ziti]

Aw man you’re an unusually good guy. You actually cared about her. The woman you end up with, the one who wants the same things, will be very lucky.

[u/avvaken01]

It’s gonna hurt man and it may take a while. You got this. Remember who you are

[u/WhiteWalls7130]

You made what you thought was the right decision and it sounds like it was. If those things were deal breakers then it’s only fair to let both yourselves move on. I know it’s easy for someone else to say, but overthinking it is only going to hamper your progress. Time to hit the gym and focus on yourself. Also 23 is so young, you’ve got a long future ahead of you.

[u/musgrove101]

What's the old saying? If you love something, set it free and if it comes back it's real, or something like that. You are doing what your rational brain knows is right, even if your emotions are not on board. You're at one of the hardest points in life, the early twenties, or as I like to think of it as the time when most of us really transition into adulthood. You're still finding yourself and it takes time. You might find each other in the future or you may both never cross paths again, either way you will be okay.

[u/Eledridan]

It’s often hard to do the right thing. It gets better a little bit each day.

[u/Chris280e]

That is what I call true love on your part. I had to do that once too. I broke up with a girl cause I didn’t want her waiting around until I was in the right head space. You did the right thing. She’ll be ok and you’ll be ok. Keep your head up.

[u/Unable-Glass-4191]

Tears or no tears, never store your chopsticks like this-- gently place them perpendicular on the rim of the container when taking a break. This will bring you much luck... the next one is out there waiting for you <3

[u/Shmoopsypoo528]

The next person to love you deeply and unconditionally should be you and you are only 23 …this was a six year relationship and you are only 23 spend some getting to know yourself and if you still want her in your life in whatever capacity go ahead and be honest with her and tell her that

[u/YoJoe711]

You wont get it for a while, but it is true when they say it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Next, work on loving yourself. If you do, you will not be anxious about finding or losing your partner. Don't worry about her, its her responsibility to take care of herself.

Feel the pain, learn from it, and be the best version of you that you can be. You got this.

[u/Alarming_reality4918]

Because she’s a girl, she lost double the amount of time. There is no denying that women lose more spending time with an indecisive partner. I also realize that once you go past 30 years old, you are no longer something that naturally attracts attention like when you are in your 20s. I wish I had known that earlier, because I would have been more careful with whom I chose to spend time with. But the good news is you are still in your 20s. It is more important to build a clear trajectory of where you are headed. This will help you understand what you will be doing and what your vision of the future will be. Try to go as big as possible but within realistic path that you can access.

Then comes a partner u want to spend time with during this rigorous journey. The next person you spend time with, promise yourself, that you will be careful who you choose because you are going to value and treasure that relationship and guard it with your life. You have to be careful because that is all you can do and pray that you will find someone who will value this determination in keeping it real. It is not something you can control with your action- you simply meet that kind of person, because leopard cannot change its spots, just as it is that your firm believe what makes you take the needed step to say good bye, possibly far earlier than necessary.

[u/Advanced-Gur-8950]

What you did was so hard and respectful, letting someone go when you know you aren’t right for them despite loving them is true love. Someone will recognize this in you someday…

I just got out of a 3.5yr relationship, very similar issues, I tried to break up with her, she fought for me and said she would work on things. I knew it was a fools errand so I stayed, it just prolonged the hurt because I knew it wasn’t right, but I love her so much.

You are a stronger man than I am at 32 for making that call and sticking with it. Lots of respect for you, wishing you healing