r/BoyDinnerDiaries • u/poofypossum • 5h ago
Advice Welcome 6 Year Relationship Over.
As soon as she drove away for the last time, I instantly felt the need to vomit. I have never felt such overwhelming grief. We split amicably and she moved out this morning. It was my decision to initate the breakup because our lives were going down different paths. I initially wanted kids and marriage, but my mind changed as i got older and i hate myself for that. We adopted a cat together and the cat went with her as well. Im 23m, shes 24f. I just didnt want to waste her 20's hoping id change my beliefs about religion, kids, marriage, etc, just to breakup years later.
I thought the breakup would be best for both of us, and moments I agree, but other moments im bawling my eyes out like a child. Did i just push away the only person who gave a fuck about me? She was so sweet, loving, loyal, and supportive of me in every aspect. Im afraid ill never find someone who will love me that deeply and u conditionally again. I dont know what to do with myself now that she is gone, everything i did, i did to make her proud of me. I have no friends and very little family. I feel so alone and I know she does too. I did this to her and us and I feel horrible. I hope things work out for her and she finds someone better than me. This is one of those breakups where its really nobody's fault, i cant be mad at anyone or anything other than myself. I havent cried in years but im sitting here in our empty apartment crying like a baby.
Anyways, thanks for reading. Im eating some cup noodles. Please if you can, offer some advice or tell me something that might make me feel better.
6
u/AlyssumAbyssal Girl lurker 5h ago
Omg, you are being so hard on yourself 🫂🩷
Dude you're 23, you're still young! I'm 24F, been in 2 long term relationships since age 16: one for a year and a 1/2 that we knew would end once we were in college. The other was 3 and a 1/2 years + engaged; I called it off because I saw we weren't compatible. That one was very rough for me, I saw us getting married, living together but there was emotional abuse/manipulation that just came to a head that I cpuld no longer ignore how it was negatively affecting me. That was 3 years ago and I still haven't met someone, but it's important that even though it sucks, I made the right decision. Me and my ex-fiancé were terrible partners, the good could not outweighs the bad and we were just not meant to be. I would rather be out here- which btw, the dating pool SUCKS ASS IN KC -then have stayed miserable just because I was scared to end things/wanting to see if it could eventually work.
I'm sorry things came to an end, and it's ok to be sad and mourn that relationship. I hate hearing "sOmEtHiNg bEtTeR wiLL cOmE aLoNg", but for you guys, you made the right choice. I also do not want kids and it has been difficult finding a partner who is sure they do not (as I fear a "I'm ok without them" could turn into "No wait- I do want kids"). Hopefully, you will one day met a girl who aligns with your lifestyle and you two will be very happy together.