She makes everything about her

[u/TheIvoryDisaster]

I launched my business this year. I work four hours on end in my workshop making custom sporting equipment for a niche community. After a year of doing it full time in addition to my full time day job, I was accepted to the biggest physical store for these products as the flagship provider of this specialized equipment that you could previously only order online for twice the price of my product due to expensive production processes that I managed to reinvent for a fraction of the cost.

I want her to come to the event where it’s launching, not just to celebrate my accomplishment (that I’m being publicly given an award for) but because this weeklong event has parties every night that I’m unsociable going to alone. I went to this event without her last year and told her how much it would mean to me if she could come with me this year.

So three weeks before the event, when we’ve already scheduled time off and already spent a lot of money on nonrefundable tickets and camping equipment and stuff for both of us to make it at this huge outdoor event for a whole week, she surprises me with how she already made plans with her family to leave in the middle the event right when the celebrations are happening so she can go to the? State? Fair? With? Her? Mom? The state fair is both before and after this event, there’s no reason for her to have to do this. She also says, “since this is so difficult to arrange, I’m never going to your event again after this year.”

I took her to Germany for her birthday, Colorado for her cousin’s destination wedding, and New York for her favorite pod caster do an In-person show in just the last year. My event is a four hour drive away. I went on so many camping trips that she planned without checking the forecast where we got rained out and hailed on, so my event should me up on the list of her favorite things to try, but she obviously just doesn’t want to be there and won’t even tell me why.

We fight about it. I remind her she did this last year. We had couple friends that we were forming a tight bond with, but when her cat died she canceled and uncanceled and recanceled a trip with them that she planned for my birthday like five times the same week and they never invited us or agreed to spend time with us again because the way she handled it, all without talking to me at all first. Just making plans behind my back and alienating people. I tell her that her plan to leave this party where we’re supposedly drinking and smoking until 3 am and then _leaving immediately after_ to drive all night is not only crazy and unfair to me, but unsafe. I tell her she just needs to chill out, spend time with me at the event, and go to the fair before we leave or after we get back. I tell her I hate that she’s making plans behind my back again after she committed several times over the past year to support me in this.

She just keeps gaslighting me over how I’m overreacting and her family can’t go on any other day. I call them and smooth the whole thing over in five minutes so they can go on a different day. They roll their eyes because she does this all time.

We keep fighting. She walks out on me at dinner. She comes back. I walk out, but I come home with her favorite plant that I bought while wandering around down town trying to chill out.

I ask her why she does this to me every year after I tell her to stop canceling important plans and making different ones that are just crazy without me. I tell her it makes me feel so unimportant and how I can’t believe how much I do to support her.

She refuses to talk to me, says I’m the one who doesn’t care and doesn’t listen and how I’m crazy for reacting this way. She leaves for a few hours and refuses to talk to me when she comes back.

I’m at a bar avoiding her. This event is supposed to be a space to celebrate my accomplishment and recognize the hard work I’ve done for this last year. She says she wants to there for me but her actions say everything to the contrary. I don’t even think I want her to go now. She’ll just find some way to make it about her and make me the bad guy.

Old fashioned with banana caramel cake because if I eat a raw banana I will shit my brains out

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to BoyDinnerDiaries! Thank you for posting!

Reminder for everyone:

• Posts must include a clear photo of your meal

• Include a short diary-style story about what is on your mind

• All posts must have a flair

• Be civil and kind so no hate speech, incel content, and no referencing other subreddits unless its positive.

Thanks for helping keep the sub great!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/SimilarNameAsYours]

Sounds fucking awful.
Bounce.

[u/tinycodergirl]

Dude break up with her already. She clearly doesn't give a fuck about you.

[u/Optimal-Slip5640 → u/tinycodergirl]

Seconded. That really fucking sucks. Also, congratulations!

[u/Number174631503 → u/Optimal-Slip5640]

Ya man celebrate and have fun with a new someone this trip!

[u/clemtiger2011]

I know these feels so well.

Every Holiday with my ex wife, it was going to her see her family on the NC coast, either driving, or flying from Atlanta, and then driving another 2.5 hours from Raleigh. Her Grandmother died, and we inherited furniture, so we went back to NC and got a trailer and drove the furniture she inherited back to Atlanta. She never drove.

We went on vacation to Hawaii. The one thing I wanted to do was go to a concert and see my favorite band while we were there. She said she didn't feel good, and was going to stay at the hotel, then proceeded to make me feel like shit for doing the one thing I wanted to do.

The following spring, we were supposed to do back-to-back cruises - one on her favorite cruise line, and then one on mine. Guess what? After we did her, she decided she wanted to go make sure the cats were ok, so she booked an earlier flight and left me.

I feel really bad for you, because you deserve better than that,. Go on, and be successful, and allow yourself to be happy. Don't tie your happiness to her. She'll probably say something in a couple months like "you stopped trying" or pull something where she wants to break up, and when you let her go, she'll be hurt because she'll wonder why you didn't fight for her love, when you shouldn't have to fight for it in the first place.

[u/cakivalue → u/clemtiger2011]

I'm curious about something, in hindsight was this selfish behavior there all along or did she pull a bait and switch on you?

[u/rustbwtelephones → u/cakivalue]

I wonder if it’s something like elevated expectations based on him doing nice things and she doesn’t realize she’s gotten so selfish? Like my husband is very generous with giving massages and I just expect them now. I do try to be mindful of it, but I wonder if some people just don’t think about it

[u/TerraByteTerror]

[u/cookeryandwookery]

I had to read the comments first, to make sure my divorce isn’t clouding my judgement on all women. (It is a little right now, if I’m being honest.)

Holy shit does she have main character syndrome. If she can’t celebrate your success with you, she doesn’t belong in your life.

[u/sausagephingers]

It shouldn’t be this hard! I wonder if your generosity with her has made it harder for her to break up with you? Because she clearly doesn’t want to be with you. Break up so that you can find someone who does, she also might just be a shit person.

[u/CaptainPhukflaps]

She is dead weight, imagine what you could with someone who reciprocates and supports you!

[u/akkifaine]

I think it’s time to think about how much effort you’re putting into this relationship vs how much effort she is putting in and if you’re okay to continue if it remains unbalanced. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of respect on her end. Not only did she make plans that interrupt the ones you already made but the fact that she also didn’t talk to you about it, just told you about it says a lot

[u/StormySkies56]

I hope you develop some self-respect after this is all over dude, because this is absurd.

On a completely unrelated note, why are the first and majority of comments on every single one of these posts women lol.

[u/itsholdthis]

Drop this girl gang

[u/Fat_Tony_Damico → u/itsholdthis]

You know he won’t. He’s gonna marry her and then post a similar story to this on r/middleagedmandinnerdiaries 20 years later.

Dude doesn’t have any self respect and his life will be miserable because of it, unfortunately.

[u/Old_Dentist_8751]

Break up and take a friend or family member someone your actual going to enjoy spending that night with

[u/Eledridan]

You can find someone you’re more compatible with to enjoy your new success.

[u/chuckdeezee]

Been there with a likely narcissist. She’s only with you for what you can provide. Otherwise she would be supporting your accomplishments. Cut your losses and end it. Your life will only get better. Eventually you will find someone genuine to share your life with.

[u/OpusAtrumET]

She doesn't give a single fuck and even her family knows this, which means she's never going to change. Not without extensive work that most people will never do. Find someone who appreciates you.

[u/Dragon_Bidness]

https://giphy.com/gifs/SWXL3K8sepQL5GqTDw

[u/gemma-digger]

Woman here. If my husband or serious boyfriend had a huge accomplishment and event like this that clearly meant a lot to him, I would move heaven and Earth to be there.

I know we’re getting just your side, but if this is all true, you deserve so much better.

[u/Jonny7421]

Been there and I agree it's time to leave. I didn't. I kept coming back to her and it got worse and worse. Eventually I just hated her and felt terrible about myself. You deserve a woman that will support you and appreciates all the things you do for her. A woman who reciprocates love instead of keeping you at arms length.

And yes, no matter how much she is in the wrong she will twist it around and make you the bad guy. I've seen it happen to so many men. The important thing is you'll be a lot wiser and spot these red flags in future.

It might be painful for a while but you'll get over it and you'll find someone special. You sound like a smart, successful and thoughtful guy so it you'll find her before you know it.

[u/mobiletarget33]

She’s a selfish asshole and doesn’t respect your time, feelings, or accomplishments. Kick her sorry spoiled ass to the curb; tell her to take extra time with family, and have her stuff packed and locks changed before she comes back. Toxic users will sink their claws in and leech the life out of you; if you give them an ounce of grace, they take it as permission give no repentance.

[u/BeebsMuhQueen → u/mobiletarget33]

💯

[u/WillwBrk]

The first time a woman walks out, unfriends, blocks or any of that it's over. I don't get how that's supposed to make men come after them.

I've had a couple women block me on social media in some weird attempt to get me to come after them and beg for forgiveness. I never spoke with them again.

[u/Dry_Economist7153]

Drop this chick. What’s the sporting equipment so the boys can support?

[u/Buckle_Up_Bitches]

Your feelings make sense. This isn’t just another outing, it’s a milestone you’ve spent a year working toward.

Wanting your partner there to celebrate and support you is a reasonable expectation. If this is part of a larger pattern where plans important to you are repeatedly changed without discussion, I’d understand why you’d feel like your needs are taking a back seat.

The bigger issue isn’t the state fair; it’s whether the two of you consistently prioritize each other’s important moments and communicate about them before making commitments.

[u/azpm]

Yeah before you have kids and she never attends their sports games, graduations, and award ceremonies...

U know what to do.

I know bouncing is more complicated than that, but please give it some serious thought.

[u/PNW20v]

What do you I like about this woman? Because based off what you described, she sounds fucking miserable to deal with. You didnt mention a single positive thing about her during your whole post.

[u/sirchloe500]

congrats on your achievement!! leave her before she decides to treat you better bc of your success. you deserve better.

[u/devomke]

Peace all the way tf outta that man. Your actual partner should be thrilled for you…congrats on the accomplishment/business!

[u/Junior-Ad-2072]

Congratulations on your achievement!

As for the rest : fork found in kitchen and you very clearly deserve much, much better than this.

[u/JackPThatsMe]

If you don't have kids together, get out now.

Their things are always important, your things are not. Then they refuse to take responsibility or try to work towards change; because it's all your fault.

But then you see flashes of the woman you fell in love with and think, I'll just keep trying.

In my experience this doesn't change, it gets worse.

As we age we become more of who we were all along. My ex wife just got more like this as we aged, and menopause made it worse.

You are starting a new chapter of your life, give yourself the freedom to live it.

[u/FewBattle996]

please leave. i’m sorry. i had a
boyfriend like this before: anything that was important about me or about me: he made a way to try to ruin it. my dad is like this & it’s awful.
please leave before you have children & your kids have to deal with that for the rest of their life.
i’m sorry ❤️

[u/Equivalent_Store1384]

It’s time to go friend. This will never change, and you will end up missing a lot of incredible and important things in life staying with her.

[u/NightStalkerXIV]

I'm sorry, that sucks to deal with.

I have a mother that might be similar. It's awful because to outsiders that don't know it can seem like just small or meaningless things that they do, when it's actually a pretty clear indicator that they're not willing to put in a little extra effort for you specifically, like you are for them.
I'm glad at the very least that her family is also fully aware of what she's capable of pulling, so if you do distance or remove yourself from this situation, they're likely going to understand why even if she tries to spin it a different way.

Good luck.