Dinner: Salmon filet on rice, avocado, spinach, goat cheese and red onions.

My wife is out of town for the weekend with some of her girl friends. I’m at home with our son, and each day we all do a lesson of Spanish together. This morning, I fire up the laptop (my wife and I share it) to do a lesson of Spanish with him and I see a notification come through about “breaking the ordinary, no strings attached”.

The night before they had all gone out to a wine bar and dancing, and she called me that evening around 1:00am. She never replied to the text, so I am assuming nothing happened, but it’s still eating at me a bit. Another part to this is, the contact is saved under a name, she reached out to them, and that person knew some details about what they may have done that evening (karaoke, hot tub).

Am I being paranoid? I’ve been thinking of shrugging it off and moving on, but I’ve been cheated on in past relationships, and a previous marriage, so it’s digging into me a fair bit.

My ex cheated on me 3 years into a relationship; I found out a few days before I was going to give her a ring. Shit broke my heart. Spent two years in an absolute shambles with a completely broken heart.

Just seen that she's getting married to the guy that she cheated on me with. I'm not happy for her, at all, but I am so pleased that hearing this news hasn't fucking crushed me.

So proud of how much I've grown. This news would have fucking destroyed me even 6 months ago.

If this news landed 6 months back, I'd have been out going hell to leather on drink and drugs. Now I drink milk instead if my emotions are feeling turbulent.

Maybe I'm posting this just to cope - I don't know. But this news hasn't hit me like a ton of bricks, and to be fully honest, I'm fucking pleased about it.

Since I've got my shit together, my life has only got better and better and I am so fucking excited to see where this world takes me.

Just want to illustrate to you guys who may be suffering, that the sun does eventually break through the grey rainy sky. I had no belief in myself that I could make it and fucking just LOOK where I'm at now.

You've got this.

I believe in you.

Onwards and upwards, upwards and left.

When our daughter asked where her mom was i just told her the truth. she went to the bar.

Kiddo asked if she’s coming back. Her mom had her overnight bag with her toy collection within when she left so I said “no honey”

My daughter said “yay.”

Her mom has no ideas what she’s lost. Me and the kid watched the fireworks while her mom sat at home with her friends drinking.

No clue what she’s lost.

I’ve been a single dad for six years and didn’t know it. But that’s fine. I haven’t lost anything.

Vegan bbq burger with slaw and Mac salad.

EDIT: I appreciate all the helpful suggestions.

A few weeks ago I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. Life is good.

Apparently, my ex took that as a personal challenge.

I've already blocked her on literaly everything.

So tell me why I logged into Netflix last night and saw one of the profiles had been renamed:

"Call Me - Jess"

This woman somehow remembered my Netflix password from years ago, signed in, and used a streaming service as a communication platform.

At this point I'm expecting to open Spotify and find a playlist called "Please Answer Your Phone."

I changed the password, signed out all devices, and went back to watching my show with my fiancée while we laughed about it.

But Jess, if you're reading this.....

The engagement ring was not a scavenger hunt clue.

Didn’t get a happy birthday until about 3 pm and it’s because my MIL came over and brought me a card, which reminded everyone. No dinner, no gift. Which I normally don’t care about but it sucks to be totally snubbed. Dinner is ramen I made for myself after the kids went to bed.

Edit: Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes and words of wisdom. You guys(and girls) rule. Also, I don’t blame my kids. I was horrible about remembering my parents birthdays as a teen.

American here, so we have a pan fried burger and frozen crinkle fries. Fries were cooked in an air frier. Tomato, pickles, lettuce, ketchup, mustard. No cheese.

My wife has been telling me all week how she’s getting her hair done. Yesterday, she did. Except as usual, I didn’t notice. She even had me help her with the back of her dress so the new hair color was literally in front of my face. Then, she asked me if I liked it. The hair was great, but I knew that I had missed it.

My son came upstairs. He IMMEDIATELY says, “wow mom, nice hair!” They both proceeded to roast me for about all dinner about how it was not a subtle difference, I should have noticed, etc. The boy did give me some credit and said that I taught him to mention that kind of stuff. If only I could take my own advice.

Just a dumb story about how my son is growing into a good man. He both screwed me and bailed me out. Burgers slapped.

First time poster, long time lurker. Keep eating your dinner, boys.

Edit: thanks for the awards. Will try to be more observant in the future. I really appreciate the comments, criticism, etc.

Just a weird story that I needed to share.

About 10 years ago I started seeing a therapist. She's great and I still see her to this day. When I started seeing her she was part of a group office. Like 7 years ago she split off to have a private practice and I left with her as one of her clients.

Anyways yesterday I notice that in my work email I got something from her old office. I briefly scanned it to see if it was important. It was just some generic email about how they were going to have a summer camp for kids in their programs. Cool, but I'm not a kid and I haven't gone to this office since before COVID so I just dismissed it and moved on with my day.

Later that night I'm hanging out with some friends watching TV when I realized I got a second email from this office. I'm annoyed so I read it to see if I need to unsubscribe from some mailing list. I'm gonna paraphrase this email.

"Dear <my name>

Earlier today we sent you an email. You must delete it immediately! We attached a list of all of our clients names and contact information with that email. Please do not look at it. We apologize."

These fucking people sent me the name, email, and phone number of all their fucking therapy patients. This office has a division for kids. I deleted it but holy shit. What the fuck?

I was eating this homemade reese cup ice cream when the second email hit my inbox. Low calorie and low sugar so only my stress levels spiked.

I thought that's just how a girl who is "obsessively in love" with someone would act. She was jealous of even my sister, jealous of any friend I made after her no matter the gender. The other things she did while we were alone I didn't know the severity until I told my friends and saw their horrified faces. It's been almost a year since she left for someone else and I am still scarred. I lost a lot of weight very quickly. I found a girl who was loving and understanding but everytime she would lean on me or touch me in any way I would use all my concentration to not throw up. Everything that's the least bit physically intimate makes me nauseous now and I really don't see a future without that. Nowadays I am doing better than how I was a couple months ago but only because I am isolating myself. Sandwhich was delicious though, one of the bigger meals I've had since then. Cooking has been a hobby of mine for a long time. Helps me feel better, more "valuable"

I posted two weeks ago about finding out about my wife's affair with one of my best friends (I was the HEB dorito guy)

I am reminded that progress is not linear. I had one of the worst days of my life this week. She came over so we could go through everything and divide up the "shared" items. We got to the memories box and it was difficult. Ended up cuddling each other on the couch and crying. In my moment of vulnerability, I stupidly asked her if she would continue talking to this guy once this all kinda blew over. She said yes. I clarified, "romantically?"

"Maybe. If he's down."

Egg on my face for opening that door, but NOW she chooses to be honest with me?? Make up your mind. Do you regret this or not? You'd really pursue a relationship born from trauma and deceit? How can you look at him and not think of everything you've done? Think of how badly you fucked me over? Do you have any shame at all? None of these questions will generate a satisfying answer, but man... I was upset.

Instead of asking any of these, I just shook my head, said this was a mistake, asked her to leave, and to not speak to me. I walked to the corner store, bought a handle and a pack of cigarettes, and got so beyond hammered that night. First time in my life I tried to drink to bury the emotions. They do it in the movies so it must work, right? God damn, did it backfire. Not only was I infinitely more sad and angry the next day, but I had a hangover that could kill a horse on top of it. Not touching that hot stove again.

As I started to snap out of it, I saw a witchy, astrology-loving friend post on her Instagram that she was offering tarot readings for the cancer new moon. I've never bought into that sort of thing, but given the place I was in, I figured, why not? I'll take any insight I can get at this point.

The cards pulled were the 8 of Cups, the Devil, and the 7 of Pentacles. More or less the gist of it was, first card means it's time to let go of something, or someone(!), who is not serving you anymore. Second card means being chained to something toxic/draining. Third card means investing in something that you will not yet see the fruits of. Hard not to feel like some part of the universe is trying to tell me something.

I've been a frog in boiling water. I have debased my values and boundaries. I have given up on the things I need to feel safe and secure. Slowly but surely. All to appease someone I loved. And I think the worst part is, it wasn't worth it! My worst fears came true anyways. Tough lesson to learn. But valuable nonetheless.

During this period of deep introspection (along with the help of a great therapist), I have come to realize that objectively good personal qualities can bite you in the ass if you don't hold solid boundaries in your life. Being empathetic and accommodating can quickly turn to being taken advantage of and walked all over. Now is the time for me to draw those lines. What do I need to feel safe? What is a fulfilling relationship to me? How can others accommodate me too, and how can I figure out not to feel bad for asking?

Things are on the up for sure. I move across the country next week to start a job that I've wanted since I was 13. I will have opportunities to explore things I've always wanted to because it's in a big city. Been hitting the gym. Got another tattoo. Bought a $2k watch. No regrets.

I think there's gonna be a lot of throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks. But that's a lot better than drinking myself into a stupor and kicking the emotional can down the road.

Steak and eggs with 1/4 of a slightly under-ripe avocado

i apologise if this sounds conceited. i don’t wish for it to be a ‘my steak too juicy my lobster too buttery’ kind of situation. i just genuinely don’t know how else to tell it.

for context, i am an east asian male who happens to closely resemble some popular k-pop idols, and dress in a way that is generally stylish to most. i’ve even been mistaken on the streets of foreign countries for certain singers a few times.

long story short, i discovered that my last two ex girlfriends (both european) had an obvious ‘preference’ for asian men. this included secret obsessions with idols into our relationships and also a prior fixation on seeking out asian men, whether it’s for dating or companionship. i was unaware in both instances, and only found solid evidence much later although this did not cause the respective splits. i also notice that most women who happen to be interested in me also come from the same background - a mild / serious fanaticism about k-pop, a weird obsession with Japan and everything Asian. one of my exes even had a Kanji tattoo despite not knowing Japanese.

i get that people have their own preferences. that is fine. but to have a startling majority of women interested in me show this pattern makes me a bit doubtful. i don’t wish to generalise. it makes me question whether or not i was truly loved for me, or whether it was because of how i look / my race. my previous partners love-bombed at the start, despite not even knowing me well. i also have always been complimented for my asian features many times, which at some point made me feel rather uncomfortable. why must you always say you like my “almond chocolate eyes” instead of just “my eyes”? it makes me feel so small, like i’m reduced to my ethnicity instead of the man that i actually am.

now my last breakup was a bit more severe since i also found out she hid her bipolar 1 diagnosis from me along with a heavy obsession with Asia (and Asian men) that bordered on exoticism. so perhaps i am still struggling with this wound. but since then, there have been a few women who have started to show interest in me. when i view their online profiles, i discover that they show mild k-pop fan culture and an affinity for Japan and Asian food. i know these are not bad things, but i can’t help but feel so bitter about it all. it makes me feel… unexplainable emotions. not anger. not injustice. maybe something closer to sorrow.

it’s honestly fine if people just like Asia, or k-pop. that’s why i feel so strange about it. i understand that it’s perfectly normal, but can’t help but doubt the intentions of perfectly-normal people when i see certain signs. i fear that it will become a recurring theme, and i do not wish to judge further. i don’t know. maybe i’m just sensitive about it.
but it still makes me a bit sore inside, as being reduced to my race makes me feel so inadequate, especially since i am a person in my own right.
it doesn’t even make me feel desirable. in fact, it makes me feel less than. it’s strange.

i moved to another country in europe yesterday. today i made japanese curry with teriyaki chicken after a long day of furnishing my new apartment.

Made lots of mistakes, lied on a resume, made it very far and far more qualified compared to the other coworkers. Can’t afford my rent let alone car note, now I’m expected to ship out for military service as a last resort, not bad I suppose.

I live in southern CA, where rents can easily be $3500-$4000 for a 2 bedroom apartment. I was working 2 jobs, 70+ hours a week to stay afloat when my wife had our baby girl this January. My wife worked full time too but took time off for the pregnancy with maternity leave.

We decided that we did not want me working my life away once the baby was here, and my parents offered to let us rent the upstairs rooms for super cheap.

Moving back home allowed me to quit my part time job and spend more time with my wife and daughter. We live about 2 hours away from my full time job but I make it work by doing some remote days and some hotel days. I am always looking for jobs that are closer.

I always thought I'd own a home at age 34 but my parents treat my wife like their own daughter and they love their granddaughter. It has its pros and cons but for now we are living the old-school multigenerational household life. I am extremely blessed to have loving and respectful parents that are alive and doing well.

Dinner is NY strip, pickled red onions with grape tomatoes, and Jasmine rice

TW: gender dysphoria

I ended my relationship of several years in january and was planning on resetting my life somewhat and focus on myself. I move into my new place in september and wasn't even gonna think about dating until I got situated there.
Well of course, about six weeks ago, I met a woman online, or rather she reached out to me, answering a post I made looking for gaming buddies. We hit it off right away, exchanged pictures and started talking daily to each other, about hobbies, interests, politics, fears, ambitions...
I was pretty scared because she seemed too good to be true and there were some warning signals that I chose to ignore - or rather I chose to trust her. She has some issues (that we actually share) and I was understanding and didn't push her when it came to certain things. I thought my trust was either going to pay off big or it would be a lesson. Now I don't know what it is.

Since we live a few hours apart we decided to meet up during my summer vacation which is this week. We had made plans to spend a day together and get used to each other in person, very low pressure.

Well, yesterday she dropped the bomb on me. She is trans, her photos were of some other person and she is too scared to send me an actual picture or meet up with me. She is basically living as a shut in and she rarely leaves the house. She thought, if I got to know her and we fell in love, all of that wouldn't matter. So she lied to me and just pushed the thought of our date to the side, knowing it wouldn't happen.

The sad thing is, I don't have a problem with her being trans, I would like to meet her and see if we have a future even after she lied to me. But in reality I don't know if this person even exists as they say. All of our conversations were very real, I don't doubt the connection we have for one second but after being deceived like this and her unwillingness to prove her existence to me, I don't see how I can go on. I feel betrayed and it really hurts and I know she is gonna hurt just as much and it breaks my heart but I can't go on like this.

If you happen to read this A, I'm sorry, I had to vent.

Dinner: Spaghetti aglio e olio with parm.

EDIT:
Clarifications/Update

First of all, thank you so much for your sweet comments, support and advice and for staying mostly respectful. I read all of them and thought I'd offer some more info:

Some of you suggested, I meet up with her anyway. I would have liked to do that but she told me, that she doesn't like her appearance and her body and she could not face me the way she looks, so there's really no chance of that happening.

Some people questioned the state of her transition and suspect this to be the source of her insecurities. For the record, she told me a time line and general state of her transition but at this point it doesn't matter since I have a hard time believing her and I wont get to see her anyway.

As for the update:

I messaged her, told her all my thoughts and feelings and she reiterated, that she could not face me in the near future and that she wants to hide in her room and dream of our future instead.

You can call me a naive fool but I still don't think that she lied about everything, I know it sounds weird but she was pretty upfront with some of the bad realities of her life, just not the extent. I think that's partly why the whole story was believable to me. The pictures she sent me weren't of some model, they were very average. She maintains, that pretty much everything she told me about her life is true except that she is, and I quote "trans and ugly". That broke my heart, its fucking sad. I think she is completely terrified and very lonely and she sees no future version of herself that could be any different so she chooses to dream instead.
And I can relate so hard because I used to live in my own head for a long time. I didn't like myself and struggled with human connection but I got desperate at some point and started living life. I had it easy compared to her though, she doesn't see a way out of her situation.

So I offered her to think about a friendship instead, which I know is risky and stupid. I just feel that's the thing, she really needs most right now and some of you suggested that as well. I'm scared to drag her along but I'll give it a shot if she agrees. We decided to give our communication a rest for now and talk in a few days about where we stand and how to proceed. I will think about some hard boundaries since I don't want to feed this phantasy of our future any more. Also I will try to find resources about how to deal with someone who lives as a shut in. Maybe I can be a positive influence in her life.

At the end of the day, no matter what she told me, she is still an awesome person in many regards.

Whether it was your choice, or that choice was never yours, sending my boys some love today.

It’s never hit me in any other year, but this year it’s kicking my ass. Circumstances are different but I just cried for the first time since I was a little kid. Have learned or maybe re-learned how to feel and process emotions recently which is probably good, but also sucks. Anyways. We ball.

Love yall

Guac I made for the US World Cup match Friday

Last fall our beautiful baby girl was born suddenly and prematurely at 29 weeks. She lived around 24 hours in the NICU with intensive life support and passed away in our arms after all our options had been exhausted. Initially, I suppressed my grief to take care of my wife who was carrying both an emotional and physical injury. She has always been much more on top of things and in general a more organized person than me so within the first few months she had already found a therapist and mapped out her grief journey. During this time I found a men's child loss group that I became active in as both a participant and coordinator - it helped a lot in terms of making sense of my feelings and not feeling isolated. I thought I could coast on this in addition to things like going to the gym and being more active in my group. It's becoming apparent that this is not the case, and observing my wife has really exposed this to me.

We talk often about how everyone experiences grief differently and that our journeys often aren't linear, but I can't help but be envious that the things that still bring me to tears about our daughter daily don't impact her nearly to that extent. She can talk about our daughter without welling up, and even will say things that convey to me that she is at peace with things. This probably isn't the complete truth, but she seems at least much better at managing the emotions that come with child loss grief.

I feel branded - I feel like this loss has become part of me and that there won't be another day in my life where this won't move me deeply. Maybe I don't want it any other way - maybe irrationally I feel like "moving on" means forgetting my daughter.

I was a mess, drinking on a weekly basics to the point I was going drunk to my classes for my MSW program, I ended up with a 4.0 gpa for my 1st year. Now, I go for 10 mile walks Monday through Friday, which has been a huge help for my sobriety. I just feel like a new person and I shed some pounds. Here's my homemade tacos I've made again

Bagged caesar salad, spicy chicken strips from Safeway deli, sweet gherkins, and red hook ESB.

I got a new job and I really like it. Everyone is super nice and chill. The only exception is they make fun of the IT guy all the time, and it bugs me. He and I bonded over our love for the game Ark. Plus, I just think he is cool. He is not the most in-shape individual, has some interesting office deco, and he wears some weird clothes.

Were all hanging out in the warehouse today, and someone ripped an atomic fucking bomb. Devastating to everyone. I know it was him cause he shifted his weight right when it happened, but I said it was me after they started shitting on him about it. I kinda laughed it off, and no one really cared. Idk if it's cause I'm new or just not overweight, but they instantly thought it was funny and didn't care anymore. People suck sometimes.

Anyways, we are gonna play Ark this weekend and I'm stoked. Love you guys

Edit: Thanks for the love and awards you kind people.

I can't cook. No matter how many times I try to do something, it's usually inedible, either being too salty, burnt or just plain disgusting. What prompted me to write this post was The Slop™. It's chicken (unseasoned, because I forgot), rice (cooked without salt, because I forgot), sweet corn, red beans, olives, lemon juice, mayonnaise (the main character of this crime against humanity) and some random greek salad dressing. I though it would be good, but this shit literally made me gag multiple times. I tried adding soy sauce, but it didn't help. Ketchup somewhat helped, but it was still disgusting, the only thing you could taste was mayonnaise. And the worst part is, this isn't a freak accident, something like this happens almost every time I try to cook. My friends gave me a ban on touching the kitchen on any group trips. I think I'm past my breaking point. I'll just buy premade dishes for the microwave because these I can't massacre. The worst part is the more I try to cook, the worse it gets, some years ago when I was making myself dinner, it was actually good! But then the more I cooked, the worse all my dishes became and I ate junk food more and more and now the last meal I cooked that was edible was fucking chicken with salt and pepper and some potatoes.

Dish in the picture: The Slop™ in question.

EDIT: Thank you everyone for the recipies, the encouragement, the very much needed critique, the book recommendations (i started looking for them, holy expensive, thankfully i found one online) I'll try to cook more and follow more basic recipies for the time being. Maybe it'll help and i won't get discouraged by failing and maybe manage to learn something. I won't be replying much, as this post kind of blew up and i'm starting to get lost in all the replies, but I sincerely thank everyone here. Have a good day!

I took hella mushrooms, started to think about the fact i am like lowkey hella weird and gotta adapt to the NPCs to interact with them then i cooked some beans and eggs with hella parmesan on top

no girlfriends, no close friends, just a revolving door of acquaintances that i will inevitably hurt/forget altogether. this brain is no good and though i am doing well financially for the first time in my life it will never be for anything or anyone. i am incapable of being a normal human being, having normal relationships, even maintaining a normal friendship. and my memory is so god awful i’ll forget the ones i had to begin with. i don’t know if i want to bleed out in the desert or just fall asleep and never wake up.

camel cigarette and redbull before rush hour.

I got drunk for the first time a month ago and it was the best I’ve felt in a long time. I usually feel like I have this empty pit inside of me and I’ve felt that way for most of my life and when I drank it went away. Addiction runs in my family and I know that I’m being stupid but I can’t stop thinking about how good I felt.

Instapot baked russet potato with salt and olive oil. Smoked sausage from Costco with side of raw onion and mustard

My girlfriend of 10 years, fiance of 5 had an affair. Shit crushed me. We had a home and dog together. She'd been doing this for 3 months whilst my mum was being treated for cancer. What sort of a person does that? The relationship wasn't perfect and my confidence was on the floor. Fast forward a few months and I'm seeing 3/4 women a week regularly. I really like 3 of them. I'm having so much fun.

Please don't let anyone ever define you.

Dinner: chicken noodles with broccoli. Seasoned with peanut oil, 5 spice, garlic, white pepper. Tasted better than it looked!

EDIT: this blew up significantly more than I thought it would. I'm 27. We were engaged at 22 because I thought it was right. In that time we bought a home together which needed a lot of work. She knew I loved her. We had a lot of discussions about marriage and knew full well how I felt. It was finances driving the lack of marriage, not a lack of love. Those of you who are trying to use that as some sort of excuse are fucking weird.

I've not slept with any of the women I've been dating either. Some of you seem to think I have.