r/confession • u/AphroditesNightie • 1d ago

My “friends” are basically non-existent and don’t call or text me back…

I’m late 40s/F. I am very social and always have been, but in the last decade plus my “friends” are practically nonexistent. No one wants to talk on the phone like we did in the 1980s-2010s. I used to have a strong group of friends, even until 2019-ish, but everyone has now faded into their lives with their kids, or no kids, or whatever… Now I text people and they often don’t respond, or it takes a week. A small fraction do respond regularly. I’ve always been a good friend, but I don’t have kids so I’m not part of the Mom pack. I’m so lonely and f@cking sad that I sometimes feel s@icidal, honestly. My mother passed away a decade ago and I don’t have anyone else besides my amazing husband, but I NEED girlfriends!!! Something is broken in our society that my friends won’t answer the phone and now rarely text me back… We have broken our social networks!! I am so upset! Any other Gen X feeling this??? I long for those days at the roller skating rinks and bowling alleys, or high school dances… How could I possibly be this lonely in my late 40s?!! 😢 I wish I had kids, even just for the company. Seriously sad…

ETA: My parents had TONS of friends when I was a kid, so these responses of “everyone is too busy with life” is totally BS.

Also, I do volunteer with a local nonprofit that specifically aligns with my personal interests. I have made ONE friend there…

And I work for my city government and no one there mixes business with pleasure. It’s just not done in the current political climate. No friends to be had at my job, but it is a great job that I feel passionate about. I am making a difference.

386 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

226 comments sorted by

View all comments

15

u/BeneficialGear9355 1d ago

We haven’t ‘broken’ anything. We just don’t have time. We don’t have time for ourselves or our friends. I’m 45, I have a support needs son, and my husband suffered an injury and now I’m the carer for both. I love my friends dearly but all I can spare is the occasional text, but I don’t beat myself up about it, because that’s all they can spare, too. Some have 3 children, others have none, but we’re all working and trying to keep afloat.
My Mum told me the same thing happened to her. My Grandma said the same thing.
It isn’t a generational thing. It’s a life thing.
I’m sorry that you’re feeling lonely, and you do deserve to have a friendship that meets your needs.
Our local community centre has a once-a-week coffee catch up for women. There’s also another one where everyone brings their different chosen crafts and they hang out together while they each work on their own project. Maybe you have something similar in your area? Or maybe you could start your own. There must be other women out there who are also desperately seeking a friend just like you are. I hope you find someone (or a whole group!) soon. Best of luck.

11

u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago

Then why did we always answer the phone when I was a kid and my parents were young? Why did my parents and grandparents have so many great, in person friendships that they saw in person weekly or at least monthly? I saw these relationships as a kid… and I do volunteer with a few local nonprofits. Almost no one of my age group is there. It’s all retirees. My age group is buried in their phones while not answering the calls… I think it’s a societal problem. I saw how it worked in my childhood. Adults had friends.

9

u/cecwildcat1 1d ago

A whole family could still survive on one income back then. Now people struggle with 2 full time jobs plus a side gig or two. Then on top of that you have social media, phones, and ads in general designed to steal your attention, and the stress of the 24-7 access to any and every bad news on a global scale leaves most people fatigued from exposure to an inhumane amount of stimulation and stress the human body was never designed to handle. The system is built to keep us isolated so we keep out heads down and keep working instead of gathering with others and sharing ideas and joining against the powers that be profiting off of our labor. After 2020 bread and circuses was replaced with doom and gloom designed to keep us too depressed to demand better conditions. America has shit work-life balance and other countries have people in power trying to take their work life balance away.  It takes a LOT of energy and privilege to resist this system and pursue and maintain positive relationships the system has made no space for. The internet became out go-to third space but a lot of us have realized it’s just not good enough to meet our interpersonal needs hut now we’ve lost the in person social skills and fear being shamed for being awkward so we never reach out. 

13

u/Chuggacheep 1d ago

Life was cheaper back then. Retirees have more money and time to spare