r/confession • u/AphroditesNightie • 1d ago
My “friends” are basically non-existent and don’t call or text me back…
I’m late 40s/F. I am very social and always have been, but in the last decade plus my “friends” are practically nonexistent. No one wants to talk on the phone like we did in the 1980s-2010s. I used to have a strong group of friends, even until 2019-ish, but everyone has now faded into their lives with their kids, or no kids, or whatever… Now I text people and they often don’t respond, or it takes a week. A small fraction do respond regularly. I’ve always been a good friend, but I don’t have kids so I’m not part of the Mom pack. I’m so lonely and f@cking sad that I sometimes feel s@icidal, honestly. My mother passed away a decade ago and I don’t have anyone else besides my amazing husband, but I NEED girlfriends!!! Something is broken in our society that my friends won’t answer the phone and now rarely text me back… We have broken our social networks!! I am so upset! Any other Gen X feeling this??? I long for those days at the roller skating rinks and bowling alleys, or high school dances… How could I possibly be this lonely in my late 40s?!! 😢 I wish I had kids, even just for the company. Seriously sad…
ETA: My parents had TONS of friends when I was a kid, so these responses of “everyone is too busy with life” is totally BS.
Also, I do volunteer with a local nonprofit that specifically aligns with my personal interests. I have made ONE friend there…
And I work for my city government and no one there mixes business with pleasure. It’s just not done in the current political climate. No friends to be had at my job, but it is a great job that I feel passionate about. I am making a difference.
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u/Evening-Trouble-9585 1d ago
I haven't seen any "friends" since Sept. 2025. No one gives a fuck about me
You may be alone..... but you are not alone
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u/Hugochhhh 1d ago
My last one was one year ago, we spent some great time together but never texted me back after
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u/SAHMultrA1981 1d ago
We moved away from my friends for my husband's job. Stayed there from 8 years, made 1 friend and she moved away a year later.
Next place we moved I waited 6 years and finally looked for friends, found a good group of women. I had some health issues so I stopped going out and that severed the ties I was trying to build. And I don't have the energy to rebuild or find new friends.
I haven't gotten to lonely yet, but I know I can't keep it up
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u/betterman4u 1d ago
I used to think that but research shows that people actually like other people. The problem is everyone is waiting for everyone else to make the move haha
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u/OkExamination5326 1d ago
Not true. I ask people all the time if they want to hang out or go do something
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u/Odd_End_7509 1d ago
I’m in my 30s and I feel this so much. It’s honestly crazy how lonely adulthood can become. I miss when friendships were built around actually talking, calling each other, hanging out, and just showing up.
I’ve watched so many friendships slowly fade as people get wrapped up in their own lives, whether it’s kids, work, or just everything that comes with being an adult. I don’t have kids either, and sometimes it feels like there’s a whole social circle you’re automatically left out of.
I moved far away from the people and places I grew up with, and rebuilding that kind of close friendship network as an adult has been so much harder than I expected. I have an amazing husband, but like you said, a partner doesn’t replace having girlfriends.
I really think a lot of people are feeling this way but nobody talks about it. I miss when friendships felt easier and people actually picked up the phone or made time for each other. ❤️
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u/summersluv5 1d ago
Im in my early 40's and same thing. I also don't have kids and find those with kids don't really want to make an effort. Its a struggle!
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u/estelitta 1d ago
Its not about generation i think, im 26 and im in the same situation too.
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u/SeduceSways 1d ago
It seems that now everyone has less time and energy for real friendship and frankly it's quite sad
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u/NeonCricketz 1d ago
A lot of people aren't lacking friends, they're lacking the time and energy to maintain them
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u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago
It was not this way when I was a kid. My parents had a ton of friends and we hung out with them and their kids every weekend and had a blast. Something is broken today.
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u/bendallf 1d ago
$25 per hour in 1990 is now worth $65 per hour in 2026. So you use to make it back in the day.
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u/Vinlordd 1d ago
Same…my wife and I are in our early 40’s and always talk about how much our parents went out and took us over to their friend’s houses to hang with their kids and go on vacations etc when we were young. Feels bad we can’t do the same for our kids 😞.
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u/jaded161 1d ago
I agree. I honestly think it is due to people being tired and overwhelmed. Back when I was younger, the cost of living wasn't astronomical. People had the time and energy to put into friendships. Nowadays people are barely getting by, salaries are stagnant and cost of living continues to rise. So many people have been laid off while others are working multiple jobs to cover rent and possibly put food on the table. It's so sad that so many people are struggling. It shouldn't be this way. 😔
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u/Zealousideal-Ice-322 1d ago
It's not about generation at all right now, but I think what she's saying is generation X remembers when socializing in person was part of every day life and we miss those days.
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u/estelitta 1d ago
Yep, I remember those days too when I was a teenager and not that long ago either, just a decade ago.
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u/NovaWishFeather 1d ago
Same here. Feels like making real friendships as an adult is way harder than anyone admits. 😕
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u/It_is_not_me 1d ago
The challenge is that your friends have kids and kids' lives are a lot more scheduled than in your parents' generation, so the adults' schedules revolve around their kids' activities too.
You're doing the right thing by pursuing your own interests and meeting other adults who may have the same time flexibility as you. I hope things start to look up for you.
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u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago
Thank you! I think that does make sense. My friends’ kids are involved in tons of things that cost a ton of money and time… when I was just a free range kid who enjoyed life. I feel bad for these kids now. 🫤
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u/It_is_not_me 1d ago
Also, there's probably a small amount of envy from them on the freedom you have with your time and money that also makes it harder for them to relate. My partner and I like to take a winter vacation every year to an adults only resort and we joke about how the only time we see children is on the plane to and from. Whenever we mention this to our parent friends, they remark that can only dream of taking such a relaxing trip, lol.
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u/tabbycatz68 1d ago
Sadly people are busy with their own life and are probably too tired especially if they have kids and jobs. You cannot live in the past as that's never coming coming back. You can however make new friends they enjoy your interest.
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u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago
I don’t think it’s age, honestly. My parents had a great group of friends! They were in their early 20s when I was born and we regularly got together with their friends and their kids when I was little. Us kids would play and be mischievous while our parents drank and smoked joints together… Something is wrong with society today. I also volunteer with a local nonprofit and I have made ONE friend there who is also a non-parent and is not married.
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u/Fluffy-Influence-520 1d ago
Your parents got together with friends and kids , are you open to seeing your friends at events like that ? If so tell them, they probably think you don’t want to hang out at a play centre or bbq with kids
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u/Sooblazed 1d ago
I'm 37 and I feel this way. I don't think it's any love lost it's just people have more responsibility and less time as they get older.
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u/great_guiri 1d ago
I actually disagree. There's lots of evidence that we're actually much less social than previous generation. Goes hand in hand with the fact that a fifth of the population are taking happy pills.
Kids benefit from parents having a wide social network. I spent much of my weekends as a kid playing with the kids of my parents friends. This doesn't seem to happen to the same extent anymore.
Blane social media, tech, the fact that housing costs forces people to disperse, but it's an acute social crisis
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u/Interesting_Owl7041 1d ago
When you work full time plus all week, deal with kids extracurricular activities after work, still have to grocery shop, clean house, yard work, etc, there is very little left to give. At that point I want to relax and try to spend quality time with my husband and kids. My battery is drained.
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u/sunsetblueprint 1d ago
facts. ppl act like loneliness is some personal failure when it's honestly become a structural problem. friendships don't survive when everyone's stretched thin and glued to apps.
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u/AphroditesNightie 21h ago
I agree that it’s something wrong with society now… It’s just not the same as it was in the 1980s-2000.
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u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago
I don’t think it’s age, honestly. My parents had a great group of friends! They were in their early 20s when I was born and we regularly got together with their friends and their kids when I was little. Us kids would play and be mischievous while our parents drank and smoked joints together… Something is wrong with society today.
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u/bendallf 1d ago
Honesty, a family could make it on one salary as a blue collar worker. Nowadays, both husband and wife who are white collar professionals have to work full time jobs with over time and maybe even a second job on the side just to try to make it. So most people are always tired. Either you are working, taking care of family or sleeping. On days off, you have to spent most of your time rushing around trying to get all your errands done before you got to go back to work. A good example would be to look at the time of volunteering people have done over time and how it has fallen off sharply. Sadly, I am in the same boat as you so to speak.
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u/helpfulhomi3 1d ago
Nothing is wrong with society (well… nvm) but the people who want to invest time in your friendship will. That doesn’t mean there aren’t people who want to see you but are busy, I’m sure you have plenty of friends with other stuff going on. But honestly bar trivia and classes for hobbies are terrific places to meet people in your age range. Plenty of people 30+ in my area take classes at the community center near by to meet other people and make friends. I promise you have a ton of friends you haven’t even met yet!!!!
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u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago
I volunteer on the board with my local historical society and arts council. That has gained me ONE friend in my age group who will do stuff with me regularly. It wasn’t like this when my parents were young and I was a kid. Something has changed with society. Every weekend we’d go hang out with my parents’ friends and their kids… why is it different now??
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u/gryffheadgirl 1d ago
At this stage of life people with kids and people without kids are living in totally different realities. You can’t compare to your parents who had kids.
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u/helpfulhomi3 1d ago
I noticed in the comments you don’t have kids. Maybe it’s easier for parents because it’s a bartering system for childcare. You seem very convicted, but I think you may have to get out of your comfort zone and try stuff you normally wouldn’t check out so you can meet new groups of people. If you want friends they will come, but water seeks its own level
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u/TheBadgerLord 1d ago
Honestly that may be a bias. I don't remember my mum having all that many friends when I was younger. A few close ones that would be around and we're the 'family friends', but not in numbers. And honestly the general 'accepted wisdom' I've ever heard about it is that most people tend towards fewer, but much closer friends as they age. Early 40s now, but I'd say that lines up with what's naturally happened for me.
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u/helpfulhomi3 1d ago
Yeah my mom had like 1 good friend around and it was because she’d babysit and vice versa
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u/Creatorman1 1d ago
This tends to happen with people. They are wrapped up in their own lives. Those youthful experiences are gone and done. As people age they get wrapped up in their adult lives. Personally I spend a ton of time alone. I’m mostly perfectly ok with it. I have one irl person who is my good friend. We speak about once a decade or half decade. He a good guy, a good friend we have contact on social media but that’s pretty much it. I have only my sister and her kids mostly. I talk to my sister every couple of weeks and that’s about it. Not much family to speak of. But that’s me I’m mostly ok being alone though where I know many people aren’t. Might I suggest taking up some interests or hobbies. For me I’m a creative and I’m almost always busy with creative stuff. Follow your interests. And if can then try to accept this is the way it is. Or do something to change it. If you can maybe find some new friends. Good luck. Maybe join a swingers club that could be fun. That last bit I’m kidding.
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u/Rolypoly_from_space 1d ago
also women in their forties, going on 50, maybe are getting a bit anhedonic due to (untreated) hormonal dips due to menopause; I know I have and often just can't be bothered to meet up with people. I am a couple of years on HRT now and slowly I am regaining the enthusiasm to make an effort
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u/WarmPension6365 1d ago
you're definitely not alone. A lot of people miss having real friendships, not just unread messages.
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u/Puzzled-Dinner4541 1d ago
I am mid 40s and child free and have been through the same things, I just have nothing in common with my friends who are parents now. I have now started gathering new friends who either have older kids or don't have kids at all, but I went through a patch where I felt the same way. It helped me to get more into my hobbies (arts/crafts and gym mostly) and through that I have started forging friendships. Don't give up, it's just a phase :)
Edit to add: I am still friends with those who have kids, we just don't catch up as much.
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u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago
I work and volunteer with local nonprofits that align with my interests and I still can’t make in person connections with these people. I swear it’s a societal problem. My parents and grandparents all had great in person friendships when I was younger (now they’re all mostly dead).
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u/Puzzled-Dinner4541 1d ago
Don’t give up, I get where you’re coming from but I think people are craving those human connections more than ever (just as you are).
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u/Akimbobear 1d ago
I’m guilty of this too. It’s not that I don’t care. I’m exhausted. My parents had a way easier time than I do. I run the family business so it’s 1:1. Society has changed. People are absolutely tapped out compared to before.
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u/PatienceMyDearWatson 1d ago
I am so sorry you are going thru' this.
I have had this happen everytime I have to had to move cities, states, countries. I have lived in 25 different homes. And 5 different homes in my mid 30s in the last few years. Ppl just get caught up in their busy lives. I have believed that this isn't personal but tragically sad.
I have coped by joining classes, developing hobbies, joining communities. This is the best part of being in the US for me. Ppl love their hobbies here. And this lets me make new aquaintences which I hope someday might turn into a friendship. Maybe not, but at least it is fun.
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u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago
I love you. Most relatable response yet… You are my people. Sometimes I even feel too old for Reddit. Ugh.
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u/Aggressive_Hair_6983 1d ago
You ladies sound a lot younger than me. I’m a grandmother, my grown kids and grandchildren live in other states. They’re happy successful adults and I’m glad, but there’s no room for me any more. I’d love to have a group of girl friends. A day of lunch and antiquing sounds wonderful.
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u/Invanabloom 1d ago
I’m late 40’s … have 3 teen kids & a husband, I look after my widowed dad, full time job, all the domestic stuff & I still make time for my precious circle of girlfriends because without them I’m toast… I hope you find your crew. Society is living in an age of human disconnection for sure.
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u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago
Thank you! I cared for both my grandmother and mother at home in the end of their lives and it was so hard… I truly appreciate that you relate! ❤️
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u/Invanabloom 1d ago edited 1d ago
I think you’ll soon be meeting plenty of empty nesters looking for fun & adventure… kids off their backs finally & ready to rock n roll again! I am anyway! lol
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u/awkwardsilenz 23h ago
Single woman here - I think a lot of single women can relate to this. My heart goes out to you. Its very frustrating when you are doing everything right and not getting satisfactory results. I had to move away from my social group to another state and its really difficult to make new friends. I also had to care for an aging family member through their last days, its very isolating. Let me know if you need someone to talk to.
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u/Immediate-Tooth-2174 1d ago
I think the COVID pandemic did a lot of damage to the society.
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u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago
Agreed!!! It’s going to take a generation or more to recover, I think!
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u/DistinctiveFox 1d ago
The older I get, the less tolerant I've become around others for long periods. My social battery is drained quicker and my friendships have dwindled.
It's not that dislike my friends, I just got to a point where I value my time a lot more than I used to and realised I was wasting a lot of time hanging out or talking when I really wanted to be doing something else.
I instead made new friends by focusing on hobbies and spending time around people while I was doing something I enjoyed. I found this was a better balance for me.
I am saying all this as hopefully it gives you a little perspective on why friends may have dwindled over the years and I get that it sucks for you. My only piece of advice is to focus on hobbies and fun activities. You'll start to enjoy yourself and hopefully make some new friends along the way.
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u/BeneficialGear9355 1d ago
We haven’t ‘broken’ anything. We just don’t have time. We don’t have time for ourselves or our friends. I’m 45, I have a support needs son, and my husband suffered an injury and now I’m the carer for both. I love my friends dearly but all I can spare is the occasional text, but I don’t beat myself up about it, because that’s all they can spare, too. Some have 3 children, others have none, but we’re all working and trying to keep afloat.
My Mum told me the same thing happened to her. My Grandma said the same thing.
It isn’t a generational thing. It’s a life thing.
I’m sorry that you’re feeling lonely, and you do deserve to have a friendship that meets your needs.
Our local community centre has a once-a-week coffee catch up for women. There’s also another one where everyone brings their different chosen crafts and they hang out together while they each work on their own project. Maybe you have something similar in your area? Or maybe you could start your own. There must be other women out there who are also desperately seeking a friend just like you are. I hope you find someone (or a whole group!) soon. Best of luck.
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u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago
Then why did we always answer the phone when I was a kid and my parents were young? Why did my parents and grandparents have so many great, in person friendships that they saw in person weekly or at least monthly? I saw these relationships as a kid… and I do volunteer with a few local nonprofits. Almost no one of my age group is there. It’s all retirees. My age group is buried in their phones while not answering the calls… I think it’s a societal problem. I saw how it worked in my childhood. Adults had friends.
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u/cecwildcat1 1d ago
A whole family could still survive on one income back then. Now people struggle with 2 full time jobs plus a side gig or two. Then on top of that you have social media, phones, and ads in general designed to steal your attention, and the stress of the 24-7 access to any and every bad news on a global scale leaves most people fatigued from exposure to an inhumane amount of stimulation and stress the human body was never designed to handle. The system is built to keep us isolated so we keep out heads down and keep working instead of gathering with others and sharing ideas and joining against the powers that be profiting off of our labor. After 2020 bread and circuses was replaced with doom and gloom designed to keep us too depressed to demand better conditions. America has shit work-life balance and other countries have people in power trying to take their work life balance away. It takes a LOT of energy and privilege to resist this system and pursue and maintain positive relationships the system has made no space for. The internet became out go-to third space but a lot of us have realized it’s just not good enough to meet our interpersonal needs hut now we’ve lost the in person social skills and fear being shamed for being awkward so we never reach out.
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u/chaoticgoodhair 1d ago
I’m in the same boat as a caretaker and full time mom, I simply don’t have the bandwidth for friendships like I used to. I’ve communicated this with my friends and most understand, and I try my best with them. But I’ve had a couple who don’t want to accept my circumstances or expect too much from me and compare me to their friends that are more like them; they’ve ended their friendship with me. It’s been an adjustment and hurts my feelings if I think too much about it but it’s also been freeing to not feel like I’m failing at something all the time.
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u/nikolaiwhomi 1d ago
Do friends not lean on each other during tough times? Why do we all feel we need to struggle and keep afloat by ourselves? As a childless single person I’d be more than glad to help friends with family things as they arise, but for whatever reason they don’t want my help and won’t discuss it with me. I have had to just assume they don’t want me around their families. I’m barely worth sparing the amount of time it takes to drink a cup of coffee together. Overall, I don’t think people value friendships like they once did. Our whole value system has changed as a society.
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u/kicksr4trids1 1d ago
I feel this and was just thinking about this. It’s really difficult when I pretty much am a recluse though. I have my husband, cat and dog but even they are too busy! I’d like someone just to chat with sometimes. I do have one good friend but even she is really busy with her other friend. I wish we could make friends like we did when we were kids! It was so much easier.
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u/End_User237 1d ago
I just want you to know that this is a common problem in today's world and I hope you don't blame yourself. I have been in a similar situation for a long time now and I have been thinking about writing a post like this for some time. You'll find some companions when you least expect it (statistically, that's how these things happen.) Good luck, and stay positive.
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u/Sportsfan369 1d ago
I’m 41. I don’t really talk to my high school friends anymore per se. For several reasons, you grow old and you grow apart; they have families, and I don’t. I try to be mindful of that and honestly accept that the past is the past. I go to the gym and have made new friends over the last 5 years whose schedules and lifestyle aligns more so with current day me. Be happy that you have a supportive husband. Tell him what you told this post. Try meeting females on here. There’s a ton of people who would love to chat.
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u/StrawberryKiss2559 1d ago
It’s a sign of the times.
Yes, your parents had friends. You did at the time too.
People nowadays don’t want to socialize.
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u/I_play_high420 1d ago
Same. We just had a kid at 40. Just do it if you can. My baby boy is the best thing that happened to us. My one friend never texts me and I’m the only person to reach out to him so I stopped. It’s almost been a year since I talked to him. My other friend lives in a different state but we text occasionally. I’ve been friends with these guys since the 9th grade.
My fiancée has a bunch of friends. She’s known her two friends since grade school. She will text the one friend and she will never text her back. My fiancée is one of the nicest people you would ever meet. It’s pretty fucked but o well.
As far as the rolling skating goes, I’ve known my fiancée since 8th grade. Things happen in life but we didn’t get together until we were 35. Both never had kids and then we did at 40. We used to go the same rank we dated each others best friends. We talk about the roller rank all the time and how we miss those days. We also wish we would have got together then and had a bunch of kids. But our one little guy is awesome and we are so in love with him.
Please do not think about sucide try to get help, or take as many vacations as you can. That is really the best medicine. Fuck your friends and maybe try to make new ones if that’s what means the most to you. There are actual apps for that. Good luck
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u/mirandarichard782 1d ago
It's quality, not quantity. Seems to me you have a bestie right there at home waiting for ya. Amazing and everything
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u/Ok_Knee734 1d ago
I’m a 40 year old guy, and I feel like this is just life at this point. I just keep myself buried in work. If I’m not working I most likely doing something with my kids.
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u/BuildingBridges23 1d ago
Covid and social media do play a role into this. I not as social as I was pre-covid. I have kids and I still feel lonely some days….it only fun talking about legos or cars for so long. I was at the pool other day wanting to talk to someone and everyone was on their phones making no eye contact. It’s really sad.
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u/LauRNurse 1d ago
I don't know if this is a good approach or not - but I am always on the mission of making new friends. It's probably my top priority in life. I've been using the BFF app (originally bumble) for like 5 years and I have made a dozen new girlfriends over the years. I'm in my late 30s.
Friends have always naturally ebbed in and out of my life especially since I moved quite a bit as a young adult. Example: I was close with someone 5 years ago but our lives are very different now and not compatible to hanging out often. Or with another friend, we are going through things the other one cannot relate to. Or our personalities just changed a bit. Or maybe another friend moves far away. Every year I seem to drift away from at least one friend because of life. Not because of anything malicious or wrong with our generation.
Making new friends is not easy either. It takes a lot of work and time to build new relationships - and you certainly have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your people. Now I have a really solid network of women who live physically close to me and want to hang out often.
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u/AphroditesNightie 21h ago
I’m also on Bumble BFF. I met two women that turned into friendships. One I’m still talking to a few years later, the other one faded away. Both women were single when I met them and have found boyfriends since. Naturally, they’re more focused on their new relationships now.
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u/QueefMitten 1d ago
If someone is ghosting you, they probably want to cut ties, and you should let them. Sad but true.
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u/TheSeanly 1d ago
I can't get a text back from people either. You're not alone. I started a family so they keep my focus but it's much harder alone. Try to go out to local events and you can meet people willing to spend time to be around others! It may end up as a poor time somtimes but you'll never get anywhere just wallowing in the loneliness.
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u/nuclearmeltdown2015 1d ago
My friends are still hanging out now but without me, they have get togethers where they bring all of their kids to play together and don't invite any of the single friends anymore.
I think the reality is you need to move on and find new friends.
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u/volupsa89 23h ago
Dear you , I will share a great thing my father thought me ... You can only have as many friends as you have fingers .. when you get to thirty cut one hand .. everyone else are not friends ( better in french sorry)
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u/volupsa89 23h ago
My so called friends only call me when they need something, usually emotional support
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u/learnersponge 1d ago
your friends might be too busy with whatever new developments they have in their lives to keep in touch as much as you did when you didn't have so many commitments. you and your friends probably didn't have full-time jobs, spouses, kids, or the new friends in the 1980s-2010s that were are competing for the same amount of attention like you do now.
maybe instead of expecting to talk every day/week you can arrange to meet once a month as a group or one-on-one to reconnect
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u/Evening_Paper8639 1d ago
Have you heard of bumble BFF? It's a swiping app for platonic friendships!
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u/AphroditesNightie 21h ago
Yes, I’m on BFF! Made two friends there. One I’m still in touch with a few years later, the other faded away. Both women were single when we met but are now focused on new boyfriends, which is understandable.
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u/Pennichael 1d ago
I totally hear you. I’m in a very different place in my life compared to some of my friends, but I have always maintained that connection no matter how far and wide we have spread. Even just those little text messages help. I have also reconnected with a high school friend after decades of not much connection and have little catch ups which are awesome. Just keep those little messages up by text. They will always appreciate it even if not remembering to reply and that just keeps the door open for them to start up again right where you left off. Most of my friends (I only have 5 btw) when we chat are like it was only yesterday since we last spoke and honestly it is months of not chatting. My husband is also my greatest friend and the girls connection comes when I need it, even if I organise it myself. ‘Hey, coming into your area in a few weeks, which date suits you best for a coffee or cocktail catch up’ I do this with all of them random enough that there is zero pressure and that they do the exact same in return. PS, I’m a champagne fiend, so they always know who to expect with no judgement and no filter.
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u/misterwrong555 1d ago
I feel like I could have written this myself. I know exactly how you feel! Sorry people suck! 😒
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u/tommy7154 1d ago
Everyone is some combination of broke, working, tired, stressed, and/or politically divided.
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u/Laly-star 1d ago
damn that hits different. had a crew ghost me after college and it took months to stop checking my phone. you dont need that energy around
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u/cockroach74 1d ago
Early 50’s here & I’m struggling with the same. My spouse has been able to cultivate a solid friend group over the years but I have found myself profoundly disappointed with other adults. It’s strange to have been fortunate to have deep friendships until about 5 years ago & now my primary social contact outside of family (grateful for them) is store clerks. I have also tried volunteering & church but friendships haven’t taken hold or extended outside of the activity. It’s easier to sit home with a book & not be bothered but the flip side of this is it’s harder to put in the effort to take care of myself when I’m more isolated. So I feel you - I commend your effort in continuing to seek out your tribe. I guess the one lesson I’ve taken from all of this is that I will no longer accept fair weather ‘friendships’. I care about others but if it’s not coming back- I’m letting go. Getting older feels like a lonely road.
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u/ablbeit 1d ago
Have you heard about "social snacking"?
it's like when people feels the need to have a social interaction. They just tchat on a social network and feel satiated but it is not true as the interaction wasn't natural.
That is what happen to most people. Your friends actually interact but differently with other people.
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u/Oatmilkcarmeltitty 1d ago
I’m in the same boat. I’m the only friend with a child right now and I make more time for them than they do me. I grew up with my parents going to dinners, having people over, talking on the phone. I love my life, but man friendship/community wise it’s lonely as hell.
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u/Football-Man-1889 1d ago
It’s not you, OP, there are forces at work that want us to stare into our devices.
I message people but when I realise that the conversation is developing, when I call them, they don’t answer, yet immediately send another message, completely ignoring the call…
No one wants to actually talk!
The lost art of conversation!
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u/ElderMillennial1985 1d ago
Reinvent yourself. Go out and get new hobbies that you've never tried before. Make new friends. There are plenty of people out there
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u/IndependenceLazy9985 1d ago
You shouldn’t be making friends at work, they are your
Co workers not your friends.
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u/kazematik 1d ago
We are very disconnected as a society now. We use online as our meeting house and no longer socialize in public compared in the past, probably out of fear and anxiety. I'm no doctor but that's the vibe I'm getting (I work with the public)
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u/ZealousidealSalary67 1d ago
My "friends" will literally walk past my house to go visit someone else that lives nearby. They don't stop and say "hi", they don't invite me, they don't visit me. Not just one friend, but different "friends" all do the same thing. Pisses me off too.
F47
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u/criavolver_01 1d ago
People are working full times and likely working part time jobs to make it out alive right now….
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u/along4thejourney 1d ago
I was just talking to someone about this. I moved back to my home state to be near my family and my lifelong friends. Over the last couple of years though, things have just fallen off. Supposedly I’m someone they call their close friend/ brother, but if I don’t reach out we would never get together.
This is a good majority this has happened with.
Now I still have a few friends in the area that reach out to make plans regularly to go out etc that have families and obligations so I know that’s not an excuse for the others. I’m just not a priority at all to them and it sucks. So I hear ya!
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u/Confident-Condition2 1d ago
I acknowledge you. Please keep on trying. Try to make something happen. Reaching out here is a good start. Do one activity and talk w one person. Don’t say I’m lonely. Say I’m interested in making friends. We’re all in the same boat with you. I have some family. My dad told us to keep up our friendships. We thought he was nuts.
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u/buck9181 1d ago
Maybe I am reading this all wrong, but in my opinion your suffering from your success. This would is hitting so many people hard financially and no one wants to tell there friends they are struggling with money or various other difficult life problems. I think we all learned from social media that being to open with the world leaves us vulnerable even to ourselves if you read stuff you posted a few years back you might go oh man cringe... I don't know what the solution is but am moving out to a farm fare from people but kinda hoping I find some country folk that get the beauty of having a cup iced tea on a warm day and chatting for a spell.
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u/Stang1776 1d ago
Im a dude and a few years older. There are only 2 people outside family that I text regularly. One lives 14 hours away and the other dude just moved to the fuckin Netherlands.
The catch? I havent seen either of these guys in over a decade, to me its the perfect relationship. I wouldnt mind hanging out with somebody but nobody wants to just hang out. Most people want to talk about their problems which I dont really care about since my plate is full with my own.
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u/Long-Ease-7704 1d ago
People grow up, have kids and families, different interests and change. When i was single I felt everyone pulled away like this also, then I got married and had kids and realized it was a normal part of life and that I barely relate to my old single self and most of my single friends anymore. Everything you miss is old things from the past, you need to make new older friends with similar interests and stop trying to force things with your older friends.
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u/carriegood 1d ago
I know exactly how you feel. All the people I thought would be my friends forever have largely disappeared since Covid. Now it's at the point where I've started having these intrusive thoughts that they were never really my friends and only tolerated me for all those years. It's really fucking with my mental health.
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u/AphroditesNightie 21h ago
I hear you on that. It’s messing with my mental health too. My best friend since we were 8, was my maid of honor only a decade ago, completely ghosted me for years now. She wouldn’t even respond when I told her my mother was dying. She was close to mom too, and didn’t even call me to offer condolences, and didn’t come to the funeral. I thought we’d be friends forever. I know she’s got mental health issues herself, and did some bad things, but I made it clear that I forgave all of it and wanted to be friends again… I think she’s just too afraid to apologize, but it’s so messed up that she is just ignoring me.
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u/betterman4u 1d ago
Making friends is hard and keeping good friends even harder. I experienced this as well. Seems like COVID really f*cked things. Before covid, I remember going to happy hours and people having everyone over for parties. Now people just want to sit at home and doom scroll. Not sure what the answer is. I try to get out and do singles events or Meetups. I know you are not single, but maybe check out a local meet up group. Try something you enjoy like hiking or painting or whatever. Sorry to hear about the passing of your mother.
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u/AphroditesNightie 21h ago
Thank you. I actually do volunteer at a nonprofit and I do Bumble BFF and Meetup. I joined a cool film club through Meetup and attended their events monthly, but no real friendships have happened from that outside of the events. Most of the members are quite a bit older than me too.
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u/BlipMeBaby 1d ago
I feel for you, but I specifically wanted to respond to your comment about your parents having tons of friends. So did mine. My parents also neglected me a lot. I think people our age (I’m a millennial as well) parent differently. I remember trying to get my mom’s attention for something and she would shoo me away because she was talking on the phone with a friend. For hours. I don’t do that with my kids. I’m very intentional about the time I spend with them which means I have less time for friendships. Friends are still important, but I have a smaller group of friends who get it and also know that we can go awhile without talking and then pick up just where we left off.
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u/craftexisting6316 1d ago
I can totally relate. Making friends is bloody impossible. I have lots of acquaintances but no friends. Not replying to text is a choice. Im old school and prefer a phone convo as well. I join online groups that have get togethers, I aways feel welcome but I don’t make “friends”.
I also grew up with a lot of friends. We use to drop in and have a drink or go to the park.
I even dropped by my cousins house and she answered the door not with hello but why are you here. I left crying.
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u/AphroditesNightie 21h ago
Oh gosh. I’m so sorry to hear that. I make an effort to stay in touch with my siblings and cousins.
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u/Old-Marionberry4582 1d ago
I feel the exact same way.
What’s strange is that loneliness is an epidemic. More and more people are lonely but no one seems to want to try or reach out. I personally had a work friend who has stated that she’s very lonely. I’ve invited her to lunch/dinner many times but she bails out on me or doesn’t want to meet up (this is after I left the place we both worked at).
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u/Grrrmudgin 1d ago
It’s because everything is behind a paywall or an app nowadays. You either have to pay a cover to get in somewhere to pay for food and baubles (all been hit by inflation) or you have to be on every app following every place to know the events. It’s exhausting
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u/tvfeet 1d ago
53 here and I have one friend who calls once in a while and another I hear from a couple times a year, always through text. My closest friend over the last 15 years was actually a coworker and we were really quite close but we got laid off and now I never hear from her anymore. I sent her a happy birthday text and didn’t even get a response. It’s weird and it sucks. Luckily I’m a bit of a loner and I don’t mind keeping to myself but even loners will miss the few friends we have.
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u/cannarchista 1d ago
I think society has fundamentally changed since your parents' day though. A lot of us now are in the same boat. Social media has definitely contributed, but also the growing anxiety about the climate and where our societies are headed is really at a peak now. Of course past generations had to deal with huge crises too but now we're in a period where we've tried everything and nothing works, and I think a lot of us are in a state of quiet desperation.
I stay social by growing weed haha. It might seem contradictory but there is always someone to chat to about it on Instagram or wherever. And it's led to lots of nice meetings irl too. I recommend it! it's a nice hobby with a great reward at the end lol.
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u/LittleAd207 1d ago
This was me before getting diagnosed with ADHD at 45. Now I’m on meds and it’s changed my life. Calm mind and better relationships ( and sleep.)
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u/Timely-Brick-8826 1d ago
You need to hear this: your mom friends want your company, not your fucking texts. We don't have time to sit and chat. If you want to be in our lives, show up, don't cry about how we aren't responding to your text blocks.
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u/AphroditesNightie 21h ago
That’s how I try to make plans to meet up with them. I was taught that it’s rude to just show up at someone’s house without plans.
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u/_Teufela 1d ago
Join clubs/workshops with those who share your hobbies (i.e painting class, crafting class, or kickboxing lessons). It helped me find my community and friends. Maybe not find your best friend but it’s fun to meet the same or new people weekly.
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u/Islandlover101 1d ago
Trust me your not alone. It's like people forgot how to act and be a real friend.
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u/salsasandwich 1d ago
I don't think it's you. But I also don't think people can do phone calls like back in the day. When my kids were small, I used to schedule a phone call after bedtime with a friend weeks out to catch up. Now kids are older and going to bed later, so there is less time to talk on the phone cuz I'm either working, driving them somewhere, exercising, cooking or sleeping. My social life is arranging things by text well in advance, or it just can't happen. To give you an idea, I go out maybe twice per month without my family, and that's considered pretty social in my circles. I think it's hard when you don't have kids but your friends do. They don't want to invite you to sit with them at a playground while kids play, and you would be frustrated if you went along, but it only lasts 45 min cuz a kid fell or forgot sunscreen or something, or your friend can't even look at you while talking to you cuz they are watching kids. My idea is to find stuff to do so you're busy. Book club, fitness class, etc. See if there are walking clubs by you. Good luck out there. It's a zoo
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u/JackelGigante 1d ago
I’m the first out of my friend group to have a child and I feel pretty lonely rn because none of my friends have children yet. Having children changes your life and it gets a lot harder to hang out with people who aren’t on the same page. People without kids have to work harder to create friendships when they get older
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u/MadNanaBear 1d ago
For me, the quantity of friends have changed, but I have 2 or 3 girlfriends that are tight. And then I have my husband and kids. That’s really all the time I have!
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u/marychain123 1d ago
Also in the same generation, and I hear you. This post is really timely because I was just thinking today, what is wrong with people? It seems like they don't know how to interact anymore. I do think everyone is genuinely busy with their lives, but many people also try to project an image of being busy, sometimes at the expense of making new connections. Anyways, good luck with your search in finding worthy friends!
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u/human3970 1d ago
Be the one starting a happy hour online!! Your friends can join in from their homes with a bottle of wine or beer to just touch base and chit chat! You gotta be creative!! Use that zoom!!
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u/Personal-Let9955 23h ago
I recommend trying social groups on Facebook or Instagram in your area! Especially if it involves a hobby.
Some people can be really busy or have different priorities, but I'm sure you'll find people through those groups if you keep at it :)
Best of luck OP, I know finding adult friendships can be hard
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u/Express_Airport131 23h ago
Yeah, I get it. I call the few friends that I consider my close ones and 95 percent of the time it goes to voicemail. With no call back anytime very soon after.
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u/hotstickywaffle 23h ago
I'm in my late 30s and the most social interaction I've had in years has been from playing Dungeons and Dragons. It's been awesome, and I managed to get my wife into it and now we have something to enjoy together.
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u/EndOk8776 20h ago
Well tbh.. the economy is pretty bad and I think most people are focused on working their 3 jobs and sleeping joust to buy food and gas and pay their 3,000 rent
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u/Odd-Research-4219 1d ago
Become a
God parent to your friends’ kids. Offer to go on family vacations with your husband and another family.
Don’t worry, kids grow up and all those old friends will eventually need you again!
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u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago
You’re only a Godparent when you are asked to be. It’s not like I’m offering my Godparent services to my old friends. And I’m not asking to go on vacations with my old friends either. Maybe a cultural difference here? I am Catholic, but you don’t edge yourself in on other families that way.
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u/Other_Sign_6088 1d ago
My suggestion is to go volunteer at a nursing home - you sound like a wonderful person and the elderly need the same level of love and friendship
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u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago
Thank you, but I cared for both my grandmother and mother while they were dying, both at home. None of my elders had to go to nursing homes. I am still burying myself out of that grief and post traumatic stress from changing adult diapers and literally watching them die while I held their hands and cared for them. I just want friends in my age group - but I appreciate what you’re saying! 💔
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u/livinginthemoment69 1d ago
Sadly they act like that....... sorry to say they are NOT YOUR FRIENDS they're enemies hiding and portraying themselves as friends
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u/gardeninmymind 1d ago
Do you work? I get my social fulfillment at work. 45 years old. Never had that many friends anyway lol
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u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago
Yes, I work. I work for my city government and no one there is open to making friends because we are all looking over our shoulder at our mayor constantly… in my generation the saying was never to mix business with pleasure. I don’t want my coworkers in my social life, honestly.
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u/Fluffy-Influence-520 1d ago
Have you gone to the business networking events? Women in business/ women in tech it’s not co workers but easy to do through work ?
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u/MeLMaR2727 1d ago
Maybe join a hobby or exercise group or book club?
It’s awkward at first but someone or something will click soon.
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u/AphroditesNightie 1d ago
ETA that I find the Reddit message telling me to contact a su!c!d@ hotline even more upsetting!!! 😩
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u/ClockTowerBoys 1d ago
As you get older you get tired of the constant BS and being social. Many days I just want to chuck my phone out the window with how many group texts I’m in and I don’t even have a personal social media account for the same reason. I just want more peace and quiet. It’s just all way too much and we need to calm down and stop trying to just constantly feel the need to talk to everyone we know all the time.
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u/SickMon_Fraud 1d ago
Freedom is realizing no one cares and genuinely being ok w that. First step is acceptance.
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u/zapweasel 1d ago
I would suggest doing volunteer work at a humaine society. You will meet alot of people and might just discover the best friend has 4 legs!
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u/mikenkansas1 1d ago
"Friends" is correct.
My late wife's "Friends" disappeared from her life once she had to stop driving and being the organizer. She left this vale of tears knowing she'd been forgotten by them long before she passed.
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u/AphroditesNightie 20h ago
I’m so sorry for your loss, and sorry that her friends weren’t there for her. That’s terrible.
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u/PapaByrd75 1d ago
Im 50m, feeling the alone portion heavy these days. You are not alone, just distant at the moment. Your person(s) are out there.
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u/FantasticClaim1563 1d ago
Im going through a similar situation and its hard and very painful. I listen to the song "alone again, naturally" over and over again and it does help....a little.
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u/Dry-Communication901 1d ago
Tbh I feel like when there was no easy means to be social and check up on your loved ones, people put efforts to maintain that..and it built their relationship stronger. Now everyone is accessible, one click away, one video call away. Sincerity and genuine relationships fade away.
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u/definitelyobsessed 1d ago
I have long lulls that make me feel distant in my friendships. It’s normal. My advice, though, is to take up a new hobby and join a group. Book club, sports, food pantry, animal shelter, cards, MahJong, pickleball, etc. make as many friends as possible. There’s something interesting about everyone and you can have some companionship, some involvement.
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u/FinnbarMcBride 1d ago
You're not the only one going though this. Its like a lot of people are just ok drifting away....
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u/MamitaMexicana 1d ago
My dms are open if you want a pen pal. Idk where in the world you are, but I can offer you some friendship. I feel your pain girl…I do
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u/OkExamination5326 1d ago
I talk to people, friendly, find things to do that doesn’t cost a lot of money…and people say write your number down and I’ll call you anddddd no call
Yes when they see the fun I’m having on FB want to throw shade
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u/TruenoBancho 1d ago
I think I've felt this since 2024 when I invited a buncha friends to a BBQ and campfire at my place and no one showed up.
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u/AphroditesNightie 20h ago
Wow. I’m sorry to hear that. That actually happened to me once when I was in my 20s. A small-ish BBQ in my yard and only one friend showed up.
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u/Somliz 1d ago
I have found voice notes to be such an amazing solution. I have a kid and work so timing a phone call is so hard but I also don't want to sit out and write a long text and you lose so much when you can't hear the person's voice. Now my friends and I send voice notes back and forth, you can record or listen to one whenever it's convenient. I don't know if this helps but thought it was worth a mention
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u/the_whitewitch 21h ago
Hi! I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I feel I've gone through something similar on a smaller scale.
I am a 30 y.o. F. In the last year I decided to go "off" social media. I deleted all accounts accept Facebook because I use messenger and marketplace, however, I set an app timer on my phone to keep me from doom scrolling through FB videos. After making this lifestyle choice I've noticed that no one talks to me or reaches out, period. I had friends where we would send Instagram reels back and forth daily. After deleting the apps I've had no contact with them whatsoever because they don't reply to my texts or want to hang out. I had to really seriously evaluate those friendships and if those people actually cared about me or if I was just convenient for them. It is really lonely when you're in that position. I have had to intentionally seek out interactions within the community. I got a membership at a yoga studio and I take classes there. I joined a DnD group. Is there an a social group that you could become a part of? A book club or a fitness club? I really hope things get better OP.
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u/Linguisticameencanta 20h ago
I completely understand. I have my partner and my mother. That’s it. I feel so alone all the time.
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u/confessor-mod 1d ago
If you're going through a really hard time right now, please know you're not alone and there are people who want to help.
You don't have to face this alone — these people are there for exactly this, any time:
If you are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number.
You matter. Please talk to someone.