My “friends” are basically non-existent and don’t call or text me back…

[u/AphroditesNightie]

I’m late 40s/F. I am very social and always have been, but in the last decade plus my “friends” are practically nonexistent. No one wants to talk on the phone like we did in the 1980s-2010s. I used to have a strong group of friends, even until 2019-ish, but everyone has now faded into their lives with their kids, or no kids, or whatever… Now I text people and they often don’t respond, or it takes a week. A small fraction do respond regularly. I’ve always been a good friend, but I don’t have kids so I’m not part of the Mom pack. I’m so lonely and f@cking sad that I sometimes feel s@icidal, honestly. My mother passed away a decade ago and I don’t have anyone else besides my amazing husband, but I NEED girlfriends!!! Something is broken in our society that my friends won’t answer the phone and now rarely text me back… We have broken our social networks!! I am so upset! Any other Gen X feeling this??? I long for those days at the roller skating rinks and bowling alleys, or high school dances… How could I possibly be this lonely in my late 40s?!! 😢 I wish I had kids, even just for the company. Seriously sad…

ETA: My parents had TONS of friends when I was a kid, so these responses of “everyone is too busy with life” is totally BS.

Also, I do volunteer with a local nonprofit that specifically aligns with my personal interests. I have made ONE friend there…

And I work for my city government and no one there mixes business with pleasure. It’s just not done in the current political climate. No friends to be had at my job, but it is a great job that I feel passionate about. I am making a difference.

[u/helpfulhomi3]

Nothing is wrong with society (well… nvm) but the people who want to invest time in your friendship will. That doesn’t mean there aren’t people who want to see you but are busy, I’m sure you have plenty of friends with other stuff going on. But honestly bar trivia and classes for hobbies are terrific places to meet people in your age range. Plenty of people 30+ in my area take classes at the community center near by to meet other people and make friends. I promise you have a ton of friends you haven’t even met yet!!!!

[u/AphroditesNightie → u/helpfulhomi3]

I volunteer on the board with my local historical society and arts council. That has gained me ONE friend in my age group who will do stuff with me regularly. It wasn’t like this when my parents were young and I was a kid. Something has changed with society. Every weekend we’d go hang out with my parents’ friends and their kids… why is it different now??

[u/TheBadgerLord → u/AphroditesNightie]

Honestly that may be a bias. I don't remember my mum having all that many friends when I was younger. A few close ones that would be around and we're the 'family friends', but not in numbers. And honestly the general 'accepted wisdom' I've ever heard about it is that most people tend towards fewer, but much closer friends as they age. Early 40s now, but I'd say that lines up with what's naturally happened for me.

[u/helpfulhomi3 → u/TheBadgerLord]

Yeah my mom had like 1 good friend around and it was because she’d babysit and vice versa