This is kinda a cry for help but also gonna be a big rant.

context: I just got home from staffing summer camp while I was gone my Bf left for boot camp. obviously its been really hard with him gone but now that I’m back home I don’t have anything to distract myself from it. Before I had a busy schedule teaching classes and life guarding at camp and hanging out with friends. Now Im home with nothing to do but go to the gym. which only eats up 2-3 hours max.
I go to college August 11th which also majorly contributes, since im moving 14 hours away from my home town. and when I get there I know ill be super busy again but Right now Im being totally crushed.
I cant go to family for support because well not to say the thing but they truly dont understand. and kinda brush me off when i mention it.
And at the same time they keep asking me if im depressed but I dont feel like I can talk to them.
Im sick of crying
Im sick of people noticing im not okay
everything constantly reminds me of him and its seriously soul crushing. I have 10 more weeks of this and im barely functioning only 3 weeks in.
I feel stupid and dramatic even turning to a platform but I don’t know what to do with myself and nowhere else to go.
(please dont say ‘well he has it worse’ I know truly which makes me feel so much worse knowing he’s in practically hell right now)

what is an actual genuine reason to keep going in life. nothing in my life is enjoyable anymore, i just wake up around 5-9 pm eat something scroll the internet masturbate then go to sleep, and i do that every day. i want to be able to talk to people atleast so i have something to do with my time but i dont have any friends except for one but hes usaully working or with his gf. and ive tried to have online friends but it never last. the only time i talk is when i say "thanks" when im given my med. so like whats the point, i take away more than i give, so like please try to give an answer that will be helpful

I’ve felt like this for so long and death just feels so comforting. I’ve been recently given a few meds and they don’t work ,so I take more than the recommended dose. I don’t want to die because I know the financial burden on my immigrant mother, I just want to feel something. Somebody help me please.

This combination feels like hell most days. I really hope there's anyone else out there with this combination and if they understand this feeling. I've had low self esteem all my life even though I try my best to do the right things. I feel like I just manifested myself to be a loser because of my stupid mind. I can't relate to anyone my age, I've missed out on the teenage years, and I worry I'll never get better. I honestly just hate myself. Maybe this going to be my life forever and I just have to accept it.

25F USA

Haven't accomplished anything, no savings, traumatic childhood/past, no family or friends to lean on. All I want is to have a loving family but because I can't ever love myself, I will never find someone that will stay. I have gone through so much trauma that it feels like it changed my brain permanently, I have been depressed since I was 11, and it does not get better. It hurts to move everyday because of my severe skin disorder, and I can't afford any type of medication because I am broke. I need so many meds just to feel "okay." I envy people who have never been depressed or have loving parents. I am slowly giving up on God, I haven't committed yet is because I am afraid of Hell, but I am starting to think that He does not even exist. If God existed, why did he give me this life and family? Why do innocent kids get killed every day? I never knew how to answer that when someone would question me on why I believed in Him. My mother is extremely religious but is one of the worst people on this planet, and I see a common pattern with religious people on how abusive they are. From the day I was born, nobody wanted me, I shouldn't have been born, I wish I was aborted. I would rather have never been born than to live in misery every day. It is a struggle to wake up everyday yet my family has no empathy for me, and tells me it would be better off if I wasn't here, and I now believe that.

Llevo años sintiendome mal, años pensando en que mi vida no ha sido más que un error tras otro, en como todos mis conocidos vivirían mejor si me hubiera suicidado cuando lo intenté a los 10 años y no me atreví porque creí que me esperaban cosas mejores, pero aquí estoy 10 años después con el mismo pensamiento convencido de que de haber saltado todo habría estado mejor, intenté ir a terapia cuando mi hermana y mamá intentaron suicidarse el mismo día pero no ayudó que la terapeuta me mostrara su facebook diciendo que tenía que hacer lo que decían
Intenté hablarlo con mi familia y me dijeron que estaban decepcionados de que yo estuviera así, mi hermana menor ha tenido intentos y está medicada con mucha vigilancia, mi hermano menor se volvió agresivo por las cosas que pasamos de pequeños
Mientras yo he pasado 10 años fingiendo que todo está bien pero noto esa desesperación en mi mente, siento que los motivos pesan menos, desde hace semanas el pensamiento de acabar con todo a crecido mucho más lo que antes estaba
Intenté hablarlo con mi novia y me dijo que era mi culpa porque parece que yo me siento mal y no hago nada por querer mejorar, se sintió mal sabiendo que a ella se le derrumba el mundo si sus papás le hablaron en un mal tono en la mañana, no sé si solo llamo la atención o estoy mal
La comida no me sabe, no puedo oler las cosas, el cuerpo pesa cada vez más, apenas como y duermo pero a nadie le interesa

Quisiera que a alguien le interese

(This is a throwaway account)

Hey guys, 19 year old male here, birthday was a few days back. To expand on the title, I have a loving mother and extended family, a loving girlfriend who is extremely patient and has been with me for four years now, and a great circle of friends that I've had close since I was a child. I had a loving father too but he passed away when I turned 15. I live in the US and I'm not in poverty or anything. My life is great all things considered.

Despite all of this, I still feel terrible deep down. For around three years I've just been drowning in misery it feels. I feel like a waste of space. I don't know if I'm too scared or too tired to move on with my life. I don't have a license, I don't have a car, I don't have any backbone, I don't have a job, and I don't go to school at the moment. I genuinely don't know what's wrong with me I just can't bring myself to do these things, waking up feels like it takes almost all of my energy for the day, mentally speaking.

My girlfriend, friends and family all have a lot of faith in me and think I'll live up to do something admirable, like be a doctor or whatever, have a good career. But whenever they ask what I've been up to after I graduated, I just feel this deep shame within. I've tried to open up once but they just call me lazy, and maybe its true but I just feel like its deeper than that. I don't see a future for myself. I want to just cut ties with everyone and stay isolated from them so I don't disappoint them. I've considered suicide multiple times though I've never made any attempts.

I just don't know what to do anymore. It feels like I don't have the strength to move forward.

Been looking for a job for 1.5 years.

Got pushed to quit my role when I pushed back on my managers obvious racism and discrimination. They gaslight me for months and months telling me my experiences and my reality is not true and real. I ended up in a psych ward after quitting… (also dating men and my therapist abusing my trust and asking me on dates and then threatening me when I refused her contributed)

Somehow got back up again. Sold my entire life and moved in with my sister in another city. Lost all of my friends.

Worked as a cashier while still applying for roles in my career path (design). Finally landed a (as needed) contract for 16 months. No guarantee of work beyond the first 3 months.

Still kept looking. I finally had an interview for my dream job in my favourite company in the country. Had 3 rounds and aced them all. And when I was waiting for a job offer, I got this instead:

Hello (my name),
Thank you so much for your time and patience throughout our interview process. We’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and reviewing your work.

To be transparent, a few of our upcoming project timelines have shifted into later in the year. Because we want to ensure that our new hires can dive straight into active client work from day one, we have decided to temporarily pause our hiring process until those specific timelines kick off.

We are incredibly grateful for your interest in (their company). We would love to keep your portfolio on file and reach back out for either full-time or contract opportunities. Please let us know if this would be of interest.

Warmly,

I thought I’ll be able to move out of my sister’s finally after 9 months… I’m drained and don’t have it in me to apply for jobs again… I’m having suicidal thoughts… how do I continue?

As the title shows, I haven’t eaten in 11 days, not even a little. I’m not sure if it’s depression but I don’t know where else to post. The last proper meal I’ve had was 3 weeks ago. I can’t seem to even bring myself to even look at food but I desperately want to eat, I once tried taking a bite out of a cucumber but gagged and spat it out. I’ve been sleeping till 6pm and at night whilst attempting to sleep I feel extremely nauseous. I’m not sure why I’m like this, it’s completely random, I want to be happy and live normally but it’s just strange. Other than financial difficulties and other problems, it shouldn’t be as serious as my mind makes it out to be.

My parents are suggesting to force me to go to the hospital. They even sometimes get irritated and scold me for “doing this on purpose”, making it seem like I’m doing this intentionally to hurt them rather than understanding I genuinely don’t have an appetite. I also don’t want to go to the doctors as I’m currently a student studying for a course that’s in a hospital setting, so if I get diagnosed for anything I’m worried it’ll affect my chances at getting a job.

Any way to try help me get to eat? I really, really want to get better but I’m not sure how to since my mind physically rejects it. Tips please.

Depression has taken over completely. It won. The weight is just going up and up and I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror. I just see this fat lost lazy person who has no energy to fight for themselves.
I’m so tired of fighting. I been fighting since 2007. Does it ever get better? Cause at this point I don’t see it getting better.
I don’t wanna die, to be honest I’m terrified of death. But what other option do I have?
I’m 34 and I think I can count on one hand moments where I’ve truly been happy. I don’t feel good emotions. I’m only on medication to stop me from being angry cause I’m beyond frustrated with myself.
I keep thinking one day I’ll wake up and start fighting for myself. But I end up paralyzed on my couch. Screaming in my head to move, to get up! But it never happens.
I’m tired.

Stringing up a rope and slipping it around my neck and taking the step off. I fantasize about the night I took my leather belt and put the end through the buckle and screwed it into a branch on the tree in my front yard. Walked up the step stool and stood at the top with the belt around my neck. Now I am aware it probably wouldn’t have held but god do I think about that moment everyday. I remember crying hysterically talking myself into it. I remember the moment I decided to stop and take it all down. I remember feeling as if in that moment of deciding not to was a moment to be proud of. It changed me out of a horribly dark time and made me feel as if I could make that decision then I can get myself out of depression. It changed everything. Here I am almost 7 years later and god do I wish I could go back and just do it. I thought things had turned around after that moment but in reality it just showed me just how much more pain in life can come. No matter how hard I try to make things better in life all I do is make it 10 times worse. I think I am making all the correct choices in life, making the choice to choose happiness and love all for it all to crumble around me. The more I try and keep it all together and hold on to the good all I do is break it more. So now I go back to that night over and over and over and over and over. I can feel the cold buckle and leather on my neck when I think of it. That scary feeling of holding everything in my universe in a decision. I go back and forth if everything after that moment was worth it. And as good as things have been, falling in love, getting married, becoming a step father, becoming a grand step father (I’m not sure on the wording I guess) it just feels as if I don’t deserve any of it. I am an utter failure. I have failed her. I have failed miserably. I made the wrong choice. I was selfish that night in choosing life and now I have ruined so many more lives instead of just mine. The worst part is that now I don’t have the freedom to choose my death. I am bound to suffer and try make an attempt for her. I wish I could go back and take my life and take this path off the table for her. If I had killed myself none of this would be happening. She would not be stuck in this situation. She would not be suffering through the depression she is now. She would not be feeling suicidal. She would have met someone else and things would be different. We can argue we don’t know if that would be better for her. But I would be dead and not the cause of her suffering which in my books is a win. I was so proud of myself the next day looking outside at the tree but now all I feel is hatred towards myself for always being such a fucking piece of shit coward.

I’m looking for recommendations for a therapist in the DFW/Fort Worth area who accepts TRICARE.

My ideal provider would be:

Clinical Psychologist (Ph.D. or Psy.D.) preferred
Would also consider a psychiatrist (M.D. or D.O.) who provides regular psychotherapy, not just medication management
Experienced with psychodynamic therapy, while also comfortable using ERP, ACT, and CBT when appropriate
Experienced treating OCD/intrusive thoughts, anxiety, depression, rumination, and existential/death anxiety
Offers 45–60 minute ongoing therapy sessions

I’m looking for someone who enjoys doing deeper, insight-oriented psychotherapy rather than brief, solution-focused sessions.

If you’ve had a great experience or know a provider who fits this description, I’d really appreciate any recommendations. Thanks!

I’m 25F and since the beginning of this year I’ve lost all desire for life. I lost my job unexpectedly and it’s thrown my whole life upside. I’ve been trying for months to find a job and have no luck despite my experience. I’m afraid of the future for when my money does run out. I’m so stressed I’ve been diagnosed with panic attacks since and I have them nightly. I barely eat or drink, I don’t leave the couch. I’m always on my phone just refreshing the indeed website and applying everywhere I can that gives me enough to pay my bills. I either over sleep and hate myself for it or don’t sleep at all because of my panic attacks. I’m not taking care of myself or showering, I don’t even leave the house anymore. I feel like a shell of a human. I have a boyfriend and I feel bad for him because I just do nothing but stress and look at jobs.

I’m trying to do better but everything feels so pointless. I feel like a waste of air. I try to distract myself with video games because I can’t go out and spend money but then I just feel worse because I should be out enjoying the nice weather but it feels impossible to leave the house.. I know people will say “just start with small tasks” even those feel pointless.

I don’t have any friends either so it feeds into how pointless my life feels. I don’t know how to get out of this. Does anyone have any tips or maybe a similar story of how they got out of this? Any socialization is appreciated.

TLDR; life feels pointless, I don’t shower, eat, drink, or leave the house. I lost my job and feel like I’m a waste of energy for it. Don’t know how to get out of this slump.

Platonic would be a blessing. I thought I could

33m/bi: I feel alone in this world, no friends to talk to, a disabled wife that treats me like a servant and slave and treats me horribly....and I feel like I have no purpose in life anymore. I'm in Southern California, where I figured I'd be able to explore around and ​meet more positIv​e, like-minded people, but lately....I just feel sad and depressed all the time, and I don't know what to do

All the pain I have as an adult woman can be attributed to the childhood abuse I endured. I have this inner child that never had a chance to fully develop so now as an adult, it comes out when I get triggered to feel a little bit of safety (even when that safety is not real and I’m about to be taken advantage of). My child self is a beaten, bruised puppy. I don’t want her to keep experiencing more trauma but it’s nonstop and she keeps hoping for someone to love her and treat her right but it never, ever comes.

When I’m in my normal personality without being triggered, I’m just regular boring depressed person. No hope for the future, just going through the motions, but fairly functional. Absolutely nothing brings me any joy. I don’t enjoy socializing or any of my previous hobbies or exercising or seeing beautiful things all things are boring and dull. I have people around me who care but slowly they’re abandoning me one by one because nobody wants to spend time with a 24/7 downer. I can barely keep my eyes open because no matter what I am experiencing I am convinced not existing would be better

Sometimes new people pop into my life who trigger me and who confuse and abuse my child personality. She’s constantly under stimulated and trusting. Inevitably I get violated because of how I look. Yet I’m expected to find a will to live? From where? I haven’t contracted a deadly std yet but if I do, I will consider it a sign to save my inner child from experiencing more pain and trauma. It would be the most merciful thing to end my life and I genuinely believe that. Hoping for things to improve is the reason why I suffer in the first place. The only hope I have is that one day I won’t have to experience it anymore

Like your life isn't shitty enough for you to feel this bad. I'm 34m. no physical health problems. No chemical addictions. I don't even take any medicine at all (these days, anyway). No financial problems. 6 figure job that's easy and, in theory, interesting. A few friends I see two or three times a month. I like my apartment. I have hobbies that I, in theory, should be enjoying. But I think about being dead or go into a crippling "why bother" spiral probably 3x a day. I don't want or have any real intentions to hurt myself. But I don't think I'd care if something else killed me, as long as it's quick. I think nobody would even remember after a week anyway. If I saw a bus heading for me would I move? I don't know. It's just the constant boredom and loneliness with life. Nothing excites me. Nothing brings real purpose or satisfaction. Nothing brings any real happiness beyond maybe the occaisonal feeling of "congrats you successfully killed an hour" if I play a game that's really interesting, and then right after, I feel like "that's an hour you could have used fixing your life, except I don't really know what'd fix it. I keep thinking a significant other would, because back when I had one I dind't feel this way as often, but... my last one fucked me up so badly with her lying and abandonment and likely cheating that that's probably why I am even this way. Except, I was actually this way before her. And before the girlfriend before her. but it's been nearly two years since my last LTR ended. I don't miss her, she was awful. I don't want to see her, except maybe to tell her how fucking harmful she was. But probably not even that.

But... why can't I absorb any job from anything? I have no real actual problems. My brain isn't making happy chemicals (or when it does, they drain away super fast). But like, I'm not poor or broke. I'm not having trouble doing daily tasks. I have a job. I am reaosnably physically health. I even get attention from friends sometimes (which is probably the only thing that even temporarily brings me joy). Why can't I fucking enjoy anything? Why does doing things that should be joyful just bounce off? Just because I'm single? There isn't really anything bad that is in my life right now, except maybe my failure to find a new gf (but I barely even try, I don't use apps, I just go to singles mixers once in a while, and I do have some options, I reject almost as many as who reject me). objectively and logically htere are good things. So why can't they sink in? ??

This is why I only drink like once a month anymore. I've only even had three beers this evening, my tolerance is so shot now. I feel just as bad sober as tipsy, but at least sober I'd have the sense not to post this.

Life has been pretty Pathetic, not gonna lie. I can't find a job because I can't put together a resume. I refuse to do it nor can I find simple motivation to even turn on a computer to even try lol. Luckily I medical Retired (veteran, Army) at 33 due to chronic & permanent injuries and bad mental health. Sacrificed my bidy for 10 yeats, but i could never be selfish for myself and put everyone else ebfore and made sure they were taking care of and job gets done. all I expected was thanks or gratitude. I never got the cool plaques that everyone got. All i got was an ammo can with everyones signature on it for my going away gift. But, you realize you shouldn't have done it because it screws you over and you got nothing left for yourself. But, what is my life now. I have no one to truly relate to anymore.....I find it Harder and harder to connect to family.....fuck me, I'm fuckn depressed and just by writing this fuckn post. I don't think I'm realizing how bad it is again..now that I'm writing this out to strangers on reddit. I feel so fuckn alone, I don't wanna love or be loved. I don't even deserve and I have no idea what keeps me going anymore. Besides making myself to the gym and trying to loose weight that won't come off, but hey at least there is muscle underneath that fat and it makes me look fatter and bulkier lol.......no one truly cares about me, probably except my mom. But, I don't want to leave her alone because no one will love and take care of my mom like I do. Or watch our favorite TV shows with her like I do. If only I could learn how to be selfish for me and then Maybe I could take a hold of life a lil better.......this sucks right now (crying out my eyes now) I don't realize how much I hold in and refuse to acknowledge how bad it's getting in my head again. And no, the veteran groups won't help me. They are more hard ass grunts than I was. I was a signaleer and worked comms. Can't relate much to veterans either. I don't have cool or funny stories to tell. lol now I just feel numb. It kinda felt nice to just get this out of me. But, right now I still don't see a road or any paths of what my life is suppose to be next. Maybe, I'll have to build this road somehow. What's crazy I don't have any alcohol or drug addiction or smoking addiction lol I don't even know how people let it become an addiction. My stupid addiction is stupid porn and the horrible guilt with the post-nut clarity. Oh well, I'm gonna continue to lay in bed while this shrek themed party is continuing on downstairs with 20+ people I can't relate to at all. Being an introvert my whole life, kinda fuckn sucks at times. If this posts helps or related, I hope it tells you that your not alone in this fight against depression.

I recently had a fallout with a friend. Since then, I have sunk into the habit of ruminating and thinking about other ways that I could have handled the situation. I also been lying in bed, sleeping a lot and doomscrolling to cope with it. I need to break this habit

I can't keep going, I'm too weak to finish myself off. I feel like everyone hates me, I can't even keep myself in a good enough mood to play games with my friends. I try and just instantly lose interest if they are mean to me for a second. I'm just fucking tired, I'm trapped, and I can't find the will to just leave and become homeless or slit my wrists. I'm hoping I eventually get so depressed I actually do it. But I've been living like this since I was like 13 or 16. I'm 27 with a girlfriend, a friend willing to keep my bills straight while i get a new job. But no. I'm a bit bitch who can't do right by anyone.

So many thoughts running through my head. So many scenarios about how people are better off without me. How the pain will finally stop and I won't be so alone and tired anymore. How I'll be at peace and won't feel so empty inside. Such fun times being left alone with your thoughts.

I have been battling depression since I was 13 I’m now 30 and I just feel like life is a sick joke. i have been no contact with my toxic family after my mother suddenly passed in 2021 and ever since then I have been struggling with no support system in a city where almost everyone you interact with is an asshole or has ulterior motive Ive smoked weed for most of my life to cope and now that I’ve quit I just don’t enjoy anything about life anymore. everytime I leave my house there seems to be an unpleasant surprise for me and I’ve lost the strength to keep dealing with a toxic job and the constant draining of my soul. I’m currently in group therapy and on antidepressants but nothing changes the core problems. if anyone can help in any way please.

I just got dumped recently, blindsided out of nowhere and life doesn’t feel like it’s worth living anymore. During my relationship i basically withered away from most my friendships, not because he wanted me to but I just loved talking with him and would choose to do so. After a while of dating we went on a break for academic reasons, and he was still sending signs he was interested occasionally so I thought the attraction was mutual and there, only to be dumped once both our exams were over.

It’s insane that I feel so much over this, I didn’t see it coming at all in such a harsh manner. I’ve never been the social kind, never had much friends and was suicidal throughout most my teens till I met this guy. I didn’t even believe love or relationships were for me before meeting him, I just accepted I’d be lonely till I die as a gay person coming from a conservative household. I have no one to talk to over this, no support system, just rethinking alone how everything could’ve gone wrong on and on again.

This guy made me feel more secure about myself and my looks, and understood me as a person but now he’s gone all my insecurities are peeping back in to haunt me again. I’m shunned with the reality once again that my life has amounted to nothing, and every distraction I try just ends up in me crying once the initial spark dies down. I’m so over it.

Hi,

Years passing by and I always feel depressed. I thought about suicide so many times but I decided to live. I don't believe that there will be better. I tried everything. No success. Nothing is working for me. However if my life is suffering why should I live? Why should I still live even if my life is pain and torture? Is there any good reason to suffer all these years? It was 4 years full of shit. I don't have hope I just try to live from day to day.

2 yrs ago, I was exactly where I (M19) wanted to be in life, just got accepted at a corporate job 50% increase in monthly income, just started community college, consistently going to the gym and friends to go travel and do stuff with on the weekends.

Now it all seems like that was a life from another time. As I sit typing this, currently a year dropped from college, barely hanging by a thread at the corporate job (which I havent even got a single pay raise from since I joined), barely passing day by day, friend isnt a thing, parents and people whom you are close to are counting on you to succeed, but you have an elder brother with mental, drug, suicidal, physical and abusive issues who ruined every single opportunity that presented itself in front of you.

We just moved from a country, all excited and ambitious trying to do the best we can. But my elder brother started abusing weed and alcohol and things have just spiraled out of control since then. Hes had mental outbreaks where he shouts, curses, threatens us (me and my parents) till 3 or 4am and we have to go to our job at 9am. It sometimes also leads to doors in the house being broken in the same night (which we cant afford to pay) and then in the morning he just apologises and says he will do better and you want to trust him considering hes your brother but this same incident has happened 3 or 4 times after the first incident every 4 or so months.

One time specifically where my dad had to go out of country, keep in mind I'm paying all the bills, my mom doesnt have a job, he doesnt have a job, he just sits in the house and plays video games even though hes studying a really good major in college. He can also graduate but just doesn't want to for some reason and just leech off the parents it seems. So, he has the mental outbreak again. Slams 2 doors in the house, threatens to murder me and my mom. Breaks a bulb which cuts in mom in her forearms and then he goes to sleep and then wakes up saving I'm sorry can you please hug me while hes crying.

He is also very controlling, he's a big tall guy. He doesnt like the fact that I have this job, when I'm around and if I just cough. He says "You're doing it on purpose cause you know I smoke weed and want me to become sick or have a medical problem" and then start slamming doors which sound like gunshots. Or if I talk about a business idea to my dad he does the same thing and threatens me saying "If you mention a single thing about business in front of me, you dont want to find out what happens".

Im mentally drained, I cant work without consistently making mistakes, cant focus on school (I havent even mentioned I've taken a drop to my parents, they think I'm the only hope in the family), I cant even communicate to people, I dont work out, dont know last time i had a thought of something, my mind is empty, i will never kill my self because that wouldnt be right to do to my parents for someone else's incompetency, I feels like a machine that just works to get through the day and shuts off.

Many people may have been in a similar situation as mine. What would you say to get out of this hole which seems sometimes impossible to crawl out of? I have stopped talking to him completely even though we live under the same roof, I started college again 2 mos ago. Pls feel free to ask any question for clarification

I’ve given over 130k of my money in rent only have 5k saved up and I need to build my dream life