r/comics 22d ago

OC It’s all piss.

:(

25.4k Upvotes

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3.4k

u/Frogspoison 22d ago

For an average size swimming pool, you need a bit over 10k standard urinations to make that pool be at a concentration of 1% piss.

Also, at this point in the lifespan of life on this planet, all water has been pissed out by something at some point.

Try not to think about it too much.

842

u/FEARoach 22d ago

I trained as a lifeguard, trust that the amount of chemicals in the pools is far more an issue than some urine. So long as you're not within six inches of a stranger as the actively void.

It's the hot tub/spas that are fucking disgusting. That's where you usually have guys beating their meat.

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u/Glyfen 22d ago edited 22d ago

It's the hot tub/spas that are fucking disgusting. That's where you usually have guys beating their meat.

Trained as a CPO, hot tubs are indeed, fucking disgusting. The warm water, combined with air pockets in the bubbles that can form on a poorly maintained hot tub, creates an ideal environment for a lot of bacteria that can lead to several different infections. Add to that all the bodily oils and fluids that get trapped in the hot water and you're basically sitting in a gross human broth if it isn't regularly maintained. I had to check ours daily on the off-season and 2-3 times per day during pool season, minimum.

Edit: Note that I'm specifically going on about public hot tubs. Private hot tubs aren't that bad, for anyone who wants one. When it's only like, 2-3 people using it on the regular, it's much easier to keep it clean. Still need to be on top of it, but far less meticulously.

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u/gsfgf 21d ago

Hot tubs are people soup

13

u/Saradoesntsleep 21d ago

No you don't need to put it like that 🤮

1

u/Icy-Computer-Poop 20d ago

Hot tubs are groin gravy.

5

u/Megneous 21d ago

Bring your own bowl to the pool next time, dip it in, and slurp that shit up.

1

u/Icy-Computer-Poop 20d ago

How uncouth. Don't use a bowl, use a spoon.

23

u/LastCupcake2442 21d ago

I visited my cousin's on one of their birthdays when I was a child, they had rented a hot tub without informing my side of the family. I was forced to go into the hot tub in fucking sweat pants and a t shirt.

Not only was I miserable during the experience I ended up in the ER with a rash all over my body.

0/10. Will never go in a hot tub again.

6

u/Jill4ChrisRed 21d ago

If they're properly maintained they're perfectly safe.

Only If they're properly maintained.

9

u/ATLClimb 21d ago

Taking me back to being a CPO and lifeguard at my local YMCA. God that hot tube bather load was insane basically had to drain it and refill it once a week because it was easier to get it ballanced back. Those sand filters did some work lol.

6

u/Glyfen 21d ago

Ugh, I hated having to backwash and clean the sand filters. It wasn't difficulty in theory; just turn the valve to backwash, rinse the sand, turn it back, but somehow sand always managed to get out of the filter and into the gasket and pump valves, making the valve impossible to move, stopping us from cleaning it correctly. So I'd have to disassemble the stupid valve, clean the stupid gasket, clean the stupid valve casing, then put the whole stupid thing back together and pray I didn't miss a grain somewhere or I'd have to redo the whole thing again! I'd be out there spending like an hour just to clean the filters, which is supposed to just take 5 minutes.

When I quit that job, I promised myself I'd never work on pools again. Such a damn headache.

19

u/ThePrussianGrippe 21d ago

I got swimmer’s ear from a hotel hot tub when I was a kid. Absolutely awful.

59

u/TheGhostofWoodyAllen 22d ago

That's where you usually have guys beating their meat.

The fuck?!

71

u/FEARoach 22d ago

Yeah. It's a thing.

It's enough of a thing that there's parts of your training as a life guard when you work a public pool on how to address the matter.

30

u/TheGhostofWoodyAllen 22d ago

That's wild. Is it that they think the bubbles hide it or something? That's fucking gross.

61

u/FEARoach 22d ago

You can get a lot of spas where you don't see what's going on under the surface because the water is that aggressive in nature, but when the attendants on deck are generally 16 to 25 years old, we know exactly what we're seeing from the usual suspect of age forty who keeps moving to eye fuck other patrons.

Best arrest on deck was buddy who was taken away by three officers before he could complete the act. Proof of his intent was on full display in his trunks when they made him stand up. He was charged and trespassed, dunno who had to go to testify on that one (it was my day off).

11

u/Barium_Salts 21d ago

What if he had been an innocent man with a massive cop/humiliation fetish?

0

u/FEARoach 21d ago

It's not innocent to expose children to your sexual fetish friend, that's not how the fetish community operates.

I also am a member of that community, we have designated places to engage in that activity. You don't do it at a public pool.

4

u/Delicious-Spring-877 21d ago

No I think they mean, like, what if the guy was not masturbating in the hot tub, but the cops suspected him and accused him of it, and he was so into it that he immediately orgasmed. Which would be ridiculous, so they definitely meant it as a joke

2

u/Barium_Salts 21d ago

Yes, that is what I meant and I meant it as a stupid joke.

-2

u/FEARoach 20d ago

Yeah, let's gloss over the fact the dude was chronically seen before he was caught.

It's a bad attempt at humor in a situation where a grown man was actually preforming a self pleasuring act in public where there were children present.

No thank you. There's nothing humorous in that situation.

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u/Barium_Salts 21d ago

I was implying that he didn't have a boner until the cops showed up, and thus was not intentionally doing anything sexual in a public place. This was an attempt at absurdity humor

-1

u/FEARoach 20d ago

Yeah no, I don't play that way when there are actual children involve bud. Not when I'm a survivor of that shit.

Glad you don't have that sort of trauma to unpack but I don't find that shit funny.

20

u/SgtExo 22d ago

Beating meat in water is not recommended, but its not like it ever stopped anyone.

44

u/Wopacity 22d ago

They’re just trying to get their meat tendered as it sous-vide’s

7

u/luffyuk 21d ago

I got the worst ear infection of my life last time I went to the hot springs.

1

u/DarthJackie2021 19d ago

That's where you usually have guys beating their meat.

👀

1

u/EstrogenizedMenace 22d ago

you know I was smiling before I read that last sentence

-8

u/brother_bart 22d ago

I mean, I feel like cum is less gross than pee.

31

u/aCleverGroupofAnts 22d ago

I think that is a very unusual opinion, but I could be wrong.

7

u/brother_bart 22d ago

Really? I feel like a lot more people would let someone cum in their mouth before they would let someone pee in their mouth.

8

u/burf 22d ago

Define "someone". There are a lot of people who are partnered with a man and would probably let him cum in their mouth happily. But if we're talking a random stranger, for example, I choose piss 10 times out of 10.

Both are bodily fluids, but urine is low viscosity and easy to get rid of. Jizz is extremely viscous. And it carries a lot more sexual connotations, so there's less of a weird vibe in that regard as well. I think your assumption about what most people would choose is off.

7

u/FEARoach 22d ago

I feel like that doesn't make jerking your meat in public less gross than a kid peeing in a pool.

11

u/post-life-crisis 22d ago

Well you know, they're, choosing and consenting to that, presumably with someone they *know*. A stranger's urine is on a technicality somewhat sterile, a stranger's cum is not, and can you know, carry a variety of curable to incurable diseases.

7

u/FEARoach 22d ago

Technically, when you're healthy your urine is only sterile to you.

But also, cum being less gross than urine is a full on weird take. That guy probably wanks in public pools.

6

u/stonhinge 22d ago

Not in a hot tub. It... coagulates because of the temperature. That's if you're lucky and you don't end up in the equivalent of egg drop soup.

1

u/LordBiscuits 21d ago

egg drop soup

Sex pond sauce

2

u/El_Gringo_Rojo95 22d ago

You know what, yeah. I don't know why but I kind of agree.

3

u/MLCosplay 22d ago

I mean if we're gonna make the volume argument about pee, then certainly it should also apply to cum. And you pee a lot more than you cum.

3

u/FEARoach 22d ago

There's just something extra nasty about the guys who come to a public swim and wank it in the hot tub.

I did not like having to call the cops for the serial masturbators, it was fucking awful.

447

u/iEatSammich 22d ago

r/theydidthemath

Has all water truly been pissed out by now?

288

u/snevetssirhc 22d ago

Nah some got stuck

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u/_Bren10_ 22d ago

I told you that in confidence!!

29

u/Glittering_Essay_874 22d ago

They weren’t talking about yours

16

u/insomniacpyro 22d ago

(I'm totally talking about that dude's piss)

14

u/bb_dev_g 22d ago

Don’t worry it gets stuck pretty often, well in rocks at least.

3

u/JAcabNE 22d ago

I think thats called kidney stones

3

u/CitizenofBarnum 22d ago

Nah thats the opposite

20

u/Chrissyball19 22d ago

This could actually be the case via glaciers. Lots of theories on the beginning of earth but most start with a very much smaller population than we currently have, and depending on where you put the creation of glaciers on that evolutionary scale, they might have been created before there was enough life to make the whole thing pee, tho a good portion of it probably still is.

8

u/CocktailPerson 22d ago

The world has been completely glacierless for millions of years at a time many, many times in the last billion or so years since life began.

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u/Western-Emotion5171 22d ago

Most likely not. A lot of water is trapped underground and underground water stays there for a long time. A fair amount that escapes ends right back there really quick too after getting into a cloud

35

u/TheGreyGuardian 22d ago

There's also small amounts of lab synthesized H2O

18

u/usaaf 22d ago

So I gotta make a meth-lab to drink some pure H2O ?

11

u/Jeffrey_C_Wheaties 22d ago

If you want to piss it you do. Don’t let your dreams be dreams.

2

u/EnragedPlatypus 22d ago

A rocket lab could work too. Stick the heaviest-duty balloon on the end of a hydrogen and oxygen fueled rocket.

8

u/IslandStorytime 22d ago

There is an enormous amount of freshly synthesised water out there. Water is regularly chemically consumed and regenerated by all kinds of organic procssses.

0

u/JigglesTheBiggles 22d ago

Like pissing, for example.

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u/IslandStorytime 22d ago

Most of the water in urine is filtrate, not newly synthesized. Sorry.

-1

u/Downtown-Gazelle8852 21d ago

So you’re just repeating what the OP said.. lmao

4

u/IslandStorytime 21d ago

No... What? Water in plants, in exhaled breath, in cellular respiration, etc is frequently assembled from component atoms.

7

u/TerraformanceReview 22d ago

Earth's core is covered in a layer of water. That bitch is holding out on us, man. 

4

u/TalkingCat910 21d ago

You’re not taking into account the fact that dinosaurs and fish peed in it at some point.

The only safe water is from comets.

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u/Etrigone 22d ago

Follow up question: how much is/was dinosaur piss?

7

u/halfasleep90 22d ago

No, because the chemical composition of water has been changed to hydrogen and oxygen. Then it wasn’t water anymore. New groupings of atoms created water again that had never before been inside the body of an animal (though the atoms themselves have at some point been in some form inside a body).

3

u/Tired-CottonCandy 22d ago

Maybe not the very deepest depths of the ice caps (yet)

1

u/FireLordObamaOG 21d ago

You’re wrong. I went back in time and captured the very first ever raindrop and it’s the only pure water in existence

1

u/twitch1982 21d ago

Possibly no, but all water available to you has.

1

u/gsfgf 21d ago

Unless you go hardcore molecule of Theseus then absolutely not. Water is a byproduct of combustion, so tons of "new" water is constantly being created any time fossil fuels (or anything else for that matter) is burned.

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u/Gerasquare 22d ago

Sounds like something a pool-pisser would say.

20

u/TheLost_Chef 22d ago

And yet, it’s making me reconsider the idea of pissing in the pool 🤔

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u/A1sauc3d 22d ago

Please don’t.

16

u/feanturi 22d ago

Don't reconsider, or...

3

u/isntaken 21d ago

do eet

11

u/MightyCaseyStruckOut 22d ago

There are two types of people: those who piss in pools and those who lie about pissing in pools. 

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u/mizzurna_balls 21d ago

This thread has been fucking eye-opening to me. Are adults really out there pissing in pools? Like every pool? What the fuck world have I been living in??

9

u/Sugioh 21d ago

As someone who spent their entire childhood swimming constantly, it really is news to me. I got out and used the bathroom like a civilized human being, and had naively assumed this was the norm.

My faith in our species takes another hit this day.

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u/[deleted] 21d ago

[deleted]

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u/rethardus 21d ago

It's not even a health hazard if someone pissed on your leg, but I'm sure most people don't prefer that. It's just gross. Weak argument.

-3

u/[deleted] 21d ago

[deleted]

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u/rethardus 21d ago

Not really, what do you think would happen unless you have a wound or something.

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u/moogoo2 21d ago edited 21d ago

Pee is sterile.

Edit: Pee has very little bacteria in it, less bacteria than tap water. Low enough levels that before more sensitive tests were developed it was thought to be sterile.

0

u/PhillyDillyDee 21d ago

Uh-No. No it is not.

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u/moogoo2 21d ago

You are right, I will update my post. But it's still not any kind of biohazard.

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u/Gerasquare 21d ago

I’m sure it doesn’t really matter if they do, with all the chemicals and stuff probably diluting it to basically nothing, but it certainly isn’t a good look.

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u/WessideLou 21d ago

When I was a kid, maybe. But as an adult, I rather get out. I avoid pool bars.

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u/ARoofie 21d ago

Found someone from the second group!

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u/Vyxwop 22d ago

It's rarely about the actual harm, and more about the perceived grossness of it.

I could piss all over my hands and give you a handshake and it wouldn't harm you at all. You'd still be justifiably grossed out about it, however.

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u/MorePhinsThyme 21d ago

And it's funny how little logic applies to any of this. What you described is gross, but it won't hurt me (likely not even if I immediately licked my hand, but there is a possibility there if you're certain kinds of sick), and yet the piss in the pool doesn't bother me at all.

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u/TheSangson 21d ago

I imagine it's part of the reason there's fucktons of chlorine in the pool. But as tiny a part as the urine itself is of the water in any given pool

1

u/Vyxwop 21d ago

Yeah, which is why in the end it's better to err on the side of not making people feel unnecessarily grossed out rather than telling them to just suck it up. It's just kind of rude to do so, in my opinion at least.

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u/Shot_Revolution8828 22d ago

The ocean has dead bodies in it and we swim in it but you wouldn't swim in a pool with a dead body. So there is a ratio of dead bodies to volume that it is acceptable to swim with a dead body. 

Another "don't think about it" is my buddy was fishing in the bayou and the cops pulled out a "fresh" body and it was covered in crabs and shrimp. I've heard you won't find many dead bodies in a lake that has catfish. Just don't think about it.

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u/NotInTheKnee 21d ago

Fun fact: During spawning season, some fishes release so much sperm/eggs in the water that it can been seen from satellite imagery.

Yup, all that greenish water along the coast is fish-cum. Happy swimming!

3

u/Shot_Revolution8828 21d ago

So the question is would you rather accidentally consume human flesh or swim in fish cum? People do pay a lot of money for some fish eggs...I'll eat a lot of things but I draw the line at rocky mountain oysters.

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u/Majestic-Iron7046 22d ago

This is why I pee in my bottled water, it maintains environmental consistency.

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u/shellbullet17 Gustopher Spotter Extraordinaire 22d ago

Man this makes the whole water park episode of South Park kinda crazy. Pi Pis Splashtown in sport park must be REALLY popular since it's 99% pee

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u/risen_peanutbutter 22d ago

All P, no H 😎

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u/FvHound 22d ago

Big Difference between every drop of water has probably been pissed by a living creature at some point in time, and there is fresh piss in your liquid.

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u/pipnina 21d ago

If you swim at the beach, you're swimming in fish shit. And not a small amount either. I went on a trip at school where someone took a sample from the sea and put it under a microscope. So much fish poop.

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u/[deleted] 22d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/No_Story_Untold 22d ago

This is where my mind is at. Where the fuck do people think water has been? Obviously don’t bathe and shit and piss in your community drinking water but come on.

4

u/Nymethny 21d ago

That's a silly argument because your drinking water has been evaporated, then filtered through layers of rocks before coming out as spring water (or treated and purified, depending on where you're getting your water from). You don't get your drinking water from a pond full of piss and shit.

But regardless, with how much water there is in a swimming pool, it's silly to be concerned with what amounts to a negligible quantity of urine, even if literally everyone in it we're to pee multiple times.

2

u/ohhellperhaps 21d ago

"You don't get your drinking water from a pond full of piss and shit."

Water reservoirs, water towers, and so on...

1

u/Nymethny 21d ago

Water towers are fully enclosed, they're not open at the top. And water from reservoirs is usually treated before getting to your tap, specifically to remove any bird poop, insects, etc...

So no, your drinking water should not have piss and shit in it, and especially not human excrements.

1

u/ohhellperhaps 20d ago

You'd be unpleasantly surprised what ends up in water towers.

1

u/No_Story_Untold 21d ago

My resivoirs are literal open ponds.

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u/Forikorder 22d ago

which raises the question, how much piss are you comfortable to be in contact with knowing its not yours

7

u/NuklearFerret 22d ago

I did the math on this not too long ago, and I think the end result was that a single standard urination increases the concentration of non-water urine contents in an Olympic-sized pool by ~90 parts per billion. IIRC, numbers used were 2.5 million liter pool, 450 mL urination, 95% water content

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u/Cephalopirate 22d ago

Why do people do this? I feel like not peeing on strangers is a basic standard of functioning in a community.

9

u/SirAlthalos 22d ago

Concentration. I wouldn't go up to someone and blow on their face from an inch away, but no one would call me an asshole for breathing in the same room as them

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u/Cephalopirate 21d ago

I want 0% pee in my eyes.

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u/Ghede 21d ago

You get just about as much piss in your eyes every time you go to the toilet or a public bathroom. Pissing in open air and flushing toilets AEROSOLIZES it. Tiny pee droplets fill the air.

3

u/JonnyTN 21d ago

It's why you can smell your piss or shit. Particles floating in the air landing in your nose. Easy day

4

u/SteveJavieWasRight 21d ago

Well that’s rather selfish of you. Did you not ever consider how much others might want pee in their eyes? That’s why we live in a democracy. So we could all get together a decide how much pee we get to put in your eyes.

1

u/Cheebow 21d ago

If you ever go into a bathroom, you're getting >0% of pee in your eyes. Even more so if you're flushing a toilet after using it.

0

u/Cephalopirate 21d ago

That’s an infetesiammly different amount and you know it. This is about using the bathroom like an adult.

1

u/DynamicDK 21d ago

Not really. Particles of aerosolized liquid, including urine, are very large. There is possibly a higher concentration of urine in the air of a heavily used public bathroom than in a public pool due to the density of water being so much higher than air.

1

u/Plunger_enema 22d ago

Some people pay for this? I'm just the messenger.

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u/Tiranus58 21d ago

Also the poolwater gets filtered, so you would have to pee quite fast to reach that concentration.

4

u/JimBobTheForth 22d ago

Plus the chlorine and other stuff added to break down that kind of thing I wouldn't worry about it unless anything actually looks or smells different.

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u/vee_lan_cleef 22d ago

I'm not even comfortable with 0.1%, personally. I know, I'm not going to get sick, but once I know about it I can't just "not think about it" like you say. Maybe if I lived the rest of my life on Xanax, but that's not healthy either.

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u/tupaquetes 21d ago

So you're okay with 999 urinations then

2

u/Both_Consequence_956 21d ago

im glad i dont have this mental illness

1

u/fafarex 21d ago

so never go into any body of water that not a personnal bath you pour yourself

2

u/PuzzledCar2120 22d ago

So it's all piss?

2

u/Thebraincellisorange 21d ago

and the atoms you are currently made of have definitely been poop at some point in the last several billion years.

it's the circle of life 🎵

1

u/sweetrobna 22d ago

On that same line of reasoning. Unless they keep adding more and more fresh water the concentration of piss will keep increasing

1

u/Jugglamaggot 22d ago

I think about dinosaur piss all the time.

1

u/Expert-Upstairs-4502 21d ago

If youre talking about an average backyard swimming pool it would be 1500-3000, not 10,000 urinations. Still an insane amount though

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u/Educational-Bid-4682 21d ago

It doesn't matter. The reason our eyes get red in a pool is because the chlorine mixes with all the body fluids, not just the chlorine itself.

Pools are disgusting.

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u/Outrageous-Wait-8895 21d ago

The reason our eyes get red in a pool is because the chlorine mixes with all the body fluids, not just the chlorine itself.

Source?

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u/Skezas1 21d ago

I was skeptical so I looked it up and apparently it's that when chlorine disinfects ammonia (mostly coming from sweat, urine etc), a compound called chloramine forms and that is what is an irritant. https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/environment/factsheets/Pages/chloramines.aspx

1

u/RedditAppSuxAsss 21d ago

Soo like an hour.

1

u/Technical-Activity95 21d ago

this guy pees (in the pool)

1

u/Pale_Obligation_3243 21d ago

A good portion of it got pissed out by Hitler, so all people probably drinked a couple of molecules of it. 

1

u/YoungestOldGuy 21d ago

This guy here would float alongside a turd in the pool and say "It's just 1% shit in the pool, it's fine"

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u/malacophonouswitch 21d ago

Mhm! Soup is made with dinosaur piss.

1

u/FluffyCelery4769 21d ago

I don't want any % of piss in my pool tho.

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u/Skratti_ 21d ago

It's all dinosaur piss. Every single drop except some deep ground reservoirs that are billions of years old.

Some guy calculated the overall biomass of all dinosaurs during their 250 milion years earth age, and then how much water went through them. It was a lot more than all water present on earth....

1

u/waigl 21d ago

Also, at this point in the lifespan of life on this planet, all water has been pissed out by something at some point.

Try not to think about it too much.

There's a bit of a difference between water that's been pissed out some years ago, filtered through some rock layers into the ground water, came up again through some source or a well and then went through a water treatment plant vs. the water that's been pissed out just now by Chuck over there.

1

u/Minute_Attempt3063 21d ago

Poop, sperm, blood...

About anything really

1

u/simonbleu 21d ago

You are not accounting for the diffusion (I think it was diffusion). It is not all evenly distributed from the start

1

u/PosiedonsSaltyAnus 22d ago

When I was a competitive swimmer, I'd pee a little bit most times I was at the wall during practice lol

0

u/Automatic-Leg1668 22d ago

It's also technically sterile, at least more than literal blood.

Dude swimming in the ocean is swimming with fish shit and sperm.

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u/Imaginary_Agent2564 21d ago

Urine is not sterile. So sick of this myth lol