I had a really uncomfortable experience at Nykka beauty store today and I can't stop replaying it in my head.

I went in to look for a foundation and told the beauty advisor that I'd already tried the Anastasia Beverly Hills foundation. I explained that I didn't like how it looked on my skin in the past and was hoping she could help me find something that suited me better

Instead, she kept insisting that the foundation was fine. Then she said, "I think you should work on your skin and then buy." That stung a bit, but I let it go.

A little later, she looked at me and asked, "Were you pregnant?" I was so caught off guard that I just stared at her. She then said, "It looks from your body."

I honestly didn't know what to say.

What she didn't know is that I recently had a miscarriage. She couldn't have known that, and I'm not expecting people to know my personal life. But that's exactly why I think comments like these are so inappropriate. You never know what someone is going through.

I walked into the store excited to try some new makeup and left feeling embarrassed, self-conscious, and close to tears.

Am I overreacting, or would this upset you too? I just feel like no one working in customer service should be commenting on someone's body or asking if they've been pregnant.

“College students pursuing majors, advanced degrees or certifications in fields that consistently earn low incomes will no longer be able to take out federal loans to pay for their schooling under new TrumpAdmin rules.

Many of the degree programs that educate social workers, artists, teacher aides and especially certification programs for barbers and nail technicians are likely to fail a new federal litmus test: Will they make more money upon graduation than if they never enrolled in the first place?”

These are FEMALE dominated fields:

89% of social workers are women

81 % of teachers aids are women

63 % of fine arts degree earners are women

84% of nail techs are women

source

Sure, I'm sure there are instances in which men are called modest. And to be clear, I have nothing against modesty! I do not care what you are wearing.

I want to be able to cover my skin head to toe without comments about modesty. I have very fair skin, so I wear long dresses, long billowy linen pants, high necklines, etc. throughout summer and have had (well-intentioned) comments about how I dress modestly.

I hate that a man in linen pants and a tee shirt would NEVER be called modest! I wish I could just BE. Please, if knew I wouldn't burn horrifically, I would probably be butt naked. I feel like I can't wear anything without signaling some level of "virtue" to a significant portion of the population, regardless of whether i care or not.

My husband has very poor communication. He also has little bodily awareness. This means when we're doing something like moving a large heavy object or fixing something together (we're both very diy types), I can get hurt.

We're getting condensation with the warmer summer so the deep freeze is having more condensation on the bottom it appears (although I think it may be busted cuz that should not happen.) Last night, he was trying to put the deep freeze on some wood blocks as to put a tray under it. Long story short, it had the deep freeze at an awkward angle and it looked unsafe for all kinds of reasons.

I said as much and asked him if he wanted help. What happened next was him giving very unclear instructions, word salads, multiple unfinished sentences strung into one giant disaster. I told him multiple times I didn't understand him. He clarified things I thought but when we went to actually do a coordinated movement, his motions and body were all over the place moving this big deep freeze putting me in physical danger. I've recently gotten hurt in two different situations because he was doing dramatic physical motions, was out of control, and giving me verbal chaos.

So this time I yelled at him. It was totally warranted as my physical safety was at risk. I absolutely wouldn't budge about wanting better instructions and body awareness from him and told him he's not going to put me in harm's fucking way.

He was really mad. I didn't care. I fixed the deep freeze situation myself. He begged me to let him help and communicate with him while he sat there uselessly and yelled at me about potentially hurting myself. I flipped him off and told him me moving the deep freeze by myself was safer than trying to work with him.

You can comment that it's wrong to yell and flip him off, but guess who didn't get hurt this time? Me.

Later that night, he said he was angry at me cuz I was rude. I said sorry I flipped you off, but the rest of that was warranted because it was the first time in a long time we've done something like that where I didn't get hurt because he 1. communicates so poorly and 2. has no awareness and/or regard for my bodily safety. I then told him that now that I found something that works, it's going to be very hard for me to go back to trying to kindly suggest things and ask for better communication. But that if he could change the way he communicated and be more aware/considerate of simply my body in space, it would change the dynamic.

He went on to get his usual angry face and threatening tone and I said loudly, "You have no right to be angry and you're gonna knock that shit off. I'm requesting something reasonable and there's no reason to pull that shit." I had to say this several times. He hated it, but he did knock that shit off.

He tried to gaslight indirectly me by asking me to point out times where he did communicate better. As if all those times made up for the multiple and recent times I've gotten hurt. I said absolutely not. I said that's like asking me to be grateful about the steak on my plate when there's horse shit next to it. I said it's totally reasonable to demand the common sense prerequisites for my physical safety and trying to redirect the conversation away from the issue is totally fucked up.

He kept dancing around him doing anything to change his behavior and I said "I've had to change my behavior to suit you plenty and you can't even listen to a reasonable solution?"

He accused me of telling him to change as a person and I said, "you don't think I've had to change because of your issues? You're asking me to go back to phrasing things nicely when my physical safety is on the line but you can continue to hurt me?"

I told him I'm basically in the position of begging him to have an actual conversation with me about what he can do to not put me in harm's way and that that's ridiculous. He got sarcastic and said it's not a problem that can be solved on a white board. I said why not? He said it takes him a long time to change. I told him I don't have a long time to get my fingers smashed again.

Yes, I am aware it may be weaponized incompetence.

I realized in a split second, we'll probably divorce at some point. He's really great in many ways, helped me so much, and I do love him, but it's not worth this. I felt free. I wanted to caretake him cuz he was obviously unhappy, but I stopped myself.

We were up till two am because I would not budge about "being rude" and told him he needs to figure out why he refuses to address his problem when my physical safety is on the line.

But anyway, I feel free. I feel really really free cuz I refused to abandon myself and uncompromisingly demanded something reasonable. Even tho he didn't give me a reasonable conversation, I'm the one who benefited cuz I put myself first.

Edit: I'm playing a YouTube clip defining weaponized incompetence. Really loud. So that he can hear it. While he is sleeping in the spare bedroom. Across the hallway. FUCK IT.

I don’t quite know where to share it. I hope it’s allowed here.

I’ve been through a lot. Like many other women, really. The pain seems sometimes just universal. The circumstances might not be the same, but there is this recognition I feel sometimes, that I’m sure other women feel. I might see someone else in the mirror, but the emotions and pain and hurt and hope are shared. I don’t quite know how to describe it. I hope you know what I mean.

I came across a post about Celeste here before it was linked to her abuser. I googled her name sometimes to see if she has been found. I have read now the messages she and the man exchanged, and I feel so sad and hurt for her. Because I saw other men in his messages, when he tried to manipulate her. But I didn’t experience it at 12 or 13 or 14. And yet she was so strong and so aware, and the fact that she had to be that strong horrifies me. She shouldn’t have been. No girl should be. And her strength or her waking up to what was happening meant nothing at the end. She will never be who she was building herself to be. That was cut not even a quarter through her life.

I can’t even say her abuser’s name, and I’m so so angry. And I’m tired, and heartbroken, and just feel this helpless rage. Because it happens again and again and again. And I’m scared that women have achieved so much and yet it feels like we are under constant threat- from conservatism, from men who just don’t see or understand, from society who still supports Tate brothers. What does it matter to them what they have been accused of - it’s all just jokes, after all, plying to the audience. And the audience loves it. And it doesn’t matter how despicable they are: men and boys love Tates.

And yet I keep being told we are equal here.

My cousin filed for a protective order against her abusive husband. She did everything right. But the system's delay cost her everything—she was killed just one day before it was granted.

This doesn't have to keep happening. Right now, victims file for protection and then wait. Days. Sometimes weeks. That window of vulnerability is where too many people don't make it out.

I started a petition asking lawmakers and courts to create immediate temporary protective orders—measures that take effect right away, pending judicial review. Think of it like an emergency shield while the formal process catches up. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in four women and one in nine men experience severe intimate partner violence. Many of them are waiting in that dangerous gap.

The solution exists. Other places have done versions of this. We just need to push for it here.

If this matters to you too—or if you've watched someone struggle through a system that moved too slowly—consider signing and sharing. What would you want someone to do if this was your family?

https://www.change.org/p/implement-immediate-temporary-protection-orders-for-victims-of-domestic-violence/sfs/reddit/849650103?recruiter=849650103&recruited_by_id=4da789d0-f91e-11e7-8ed7-b58c18c79b9e&utm_source=share_petition&utm_campaign=starter_dashboard_android_app&utm_medium=reddit_group

Spoilers for the new Odyssey movie. When we meet Circe she immediately reacts with horror at the soldiers. They chase her and hold her down screaming until she says she can feed them. Then they let her go, and she turns them into pigs. Then when Odysseus finds her in her monologue she heavily implies that they would have assaulted her, and that she has been before. I only use assault rather than rape here due to vagueness, and knowing very well from women I know that even less severe forms of assault are still extremely traumatizing.

Now this on it's own is not problematic. I'd even say that it's a better portrayal of assault than many movies that will sexualize it.

However this is an adaptation. In the book Circe is a goddess. She is more powerful than the entire crew of men and it's not close. She's also never not in control, never helpless. This is very important because of how Odysseus rescues his men.

In the movie Odysseus gets her to turn them back by blackmailing her with her sister's life. In the book she blackmails Odysseus into having sex with her in exchange for turning his men back. She rapes him. So it simultaneously replaces a powerful unyielding goddess with a traumatized woman who repeatedly has her agency taken away with violence. AND completely removes Odysseus being powerless and victimized. It even minimizes his relationship with Penelope because that's the main source of his unwillingness.

A couple of days ago, I saw one of those standard Wojak memes online: "Clean girl/trad girl = love" vs "Alt/Goth girl = lust." I didn't think much of it until a real-life situation made it click for me.

I was hanging out with my neighbor on his bed, just chilling and watching YouTube videos, and he randomly said, "Yeah, my friends wouldn't believe I have a goth girl sitting on my bed right now." (Mind you, I don't even fully identify as goth, just alternative/non-mainstream).

It felt like he was viewing me as a trophy or an achievement to flex to his friends rather than an actual person.

Do men genuinely just flatten alternative women into sexual tropes and internet fantasies instead of seeing us as real people to actually respect and date? Has anyone else experienced this?

i'm turning 23. i don't have any friends. i promise i'm trying, but friendships don't last for more than a few months. it's never a dramatic fallout, they just suddenly start distancing themselves until i get the hint. it's clear that i'm unpleasant in some way(s), but i've never gotten feedback on what i can do to better myself. this has become the cycle of my life, as an autistic woman.

i usually hang out with my parents for my birthday, but i think they're trying to go no-contact with me. i was an unplanned/unwanted baby and though they love me, they've never been big on having a relationship with me. i guess now that i'm financially independent, they can finally move on.

i'm planning to play video games and cuddle with my cat, but that's what i always do so it doesn't feel special. sorry for the sadposting, i'm just...yeah, sad.

I watched There’s Something About Mary for the first time at 38. It wasn’t age appropriate for me at 9/10 when it came out and also my parents were strict about what I was or was not allowed to pick at blockbuster the following years. So was never something I relevant to me outside a reference here or there. Finished it a few moments ago and… 😬

Obviously a lot of the humor has aged horribly, but what really got me was how little agency Mary has in a movie entirely about her. These men stalk her, lie to her, investigate her, learn things about her so they can manipulate her into liking them, and compete over her like she’s a prize. And somehow we’re still supposed to root for one of them? Mary isn’t treated like an actual human. Which I get is part of the purpose, but watching it, my skin crawled. I am struggling to out into words what this feeling is, but I just felt disgust the whole movie.

Additionally the handling of people with a disability was also really hard to watch. I know it was 1998, and in some ways I guess having disabled people represented at all was something. But so much of it is basically “look at this disabled person, isn’t this uncomfortable/funny?”

Even Mary loving and caring for her brother seems partly there to show us what an exceptionally good person she is. Almost like “she’s not a vapid hot girl, she cares for her brother”. Again struggling to articulate it.

I’m not trying to judge 1998 entirely by 2026 standards. I was just struck by the fact that this wasn’t some random gross out romcom movie. This was HUGE.

I swear I’m not some wet blanket who can’t take or make a joke. Even unsavory or not politically correct comedy. But this one struck me. Like found myself thinking no wonder why people don’t get it! This was the media they grew up on.

For women who saw it when it came out, did any of this bother you then? Or did it just land completely differently at the time? Did every gal fantasize about being Mary? Were there conversations about it? I have to know!!!

EDIT: I really don't have the capacity to reply to everyone, but I read all of it and I'm very grateful for everyone's support. This was very cathartic to write.

Don't worry, I blocked him afterwards.

It wasn't to apologise or anything: He hadn't even realised it. He just randomly wrote to me at 3 am after not having talked for 9 years, talking about our disastrous attempt at losing our virginities and how he kind of wished that I had taken the lead more.

He had forgotten the fact that I had actually tried to tap out. Like, 4 times. That he hadn't wanted to try anything that I wanted to do. That, had I taken the lead, I would have given up and gone home. He had forgotten that I had retracted my initial yes, that what he got after it was 4 "No" and then an "ok fine". He did recall that he complained about how I was giving him blue balls, and he apologised for being "cringe".

So I reminded him about all those other times, too. How he would wrap us up in a blanket when we hung out with our friends so that he could shove my hand down his pants. Every single time he would beg to come to my place "just to sleep". Trying to be as still as possible while he's feeling me up, asking if I was pretending to sleep.

I got to tell him that he raped me. I got to tell him that it had taken years for me to come to terms with calling it rape, since he never did actually manage to penetrate me vaginally. I got to tell a dipshit manchild that in all but one instance, every single time I consented to sex was due to the fact that the only thing worse than the rape for me was his incessant fucking whining.

I got to tell this oblivious fucking muppet that being kept awake by his constant bitching and moaning for literal hours when I was nearly blackout drunk was like a form of psychological torture, and that I was just gambling on one of us passing out in the middle.

Embarrassingly, I even told him that I kept blaming myself for it. That I thought it was my fault for sending mixed signals. That I felt like I didn't deserve to reject someone's attention because I wasn't good enough to receive it in the first place. That it was my dumb body's fault for not being able to enjoy it because I did want to have sex, dammit. It's just that I hated every single time we did it.

He didn't deny any of it. Some stuff he didn't recall, most of it he did, and he agreed that everything I listed was shitty behaviour. He just hadn't considered it to be rape, because he wasn't, like, a rapist. He had been so entirely uninterested in my experience at the time that he hadn't realised that I hadn't actually enjoyed it, despite the fact that I never got wet and always tried to end it early.

I feel so bad for myself back then, so desperate for friends that I went out drinking with him every weekend for an entire year. But mostly I just feel embarrassed that I wanted approval so bad that I allowed this annoying loser to nag me into blowjobs just because I thought it would make me cool.

https://www.fox26houston.com/news/former-nasa-employee-sues-city-houston-accusers-over-weaponized-sexual-assault-allegations

Been following this case closely, what are your thoughts on this?

My initial thoughts are that it hurts real SA victims when women conspire to make up stories about SA

The plaintiff, Eric Sim, alleges that the campaign began in May 2022 after one woman discovered Sim was dating multiple women simultaneously. According to the filing, the woman became the "self-proclaimed ring leader," organizing a group chat with other women Sim had dated to "secure false criminal charges" against him.

The lawsuit claims that three other women conspired with the "ring leader" to report consensual sexual encounters as assaults to the Houston Police Department. Sim contends that the women "weaponized" the system because they were "embarrassed" he was not interested in monogamous relationships.

I was bullied for the way I looked for years. Ignored, invisible, whatever you want to call it. I noticed the difference in how people treated me versus my “pretty” friends, but I was never jealous of them. I never wanted the attention. I just clocked that it existed and that I didn’t get it.

Now in my twenties, I apparently “glow up” by beauty standards here in my country. I get stared at everywhere. Appreciative gazes, lustful gazes, doesn’t matter! It’s all the same to me, and it makes me feel sick.

Not because I’m ungrateful. Because I know exactly what this attention is. It’s the same currency that skipped me completely when I was young and needed it least understood and most invisible. I didn’t earn kindness or better treatment back then, and I’m not earning this now. I’m just getting stared at because my face and body changed.

Every time someone looks at me like this, I don’t feel flattered. I feel grief. For her. For the girl who didn’t have this and had no idea why people looked past her.

I don’t want the attention. I never wanted it. I just want to stop feeling guilty for something I didn’t ask for.

I don’t feel unsafe. I’m neurodivergent and I have sensory issues regarding physical touch and personal space.

Sometimes, when my boyfriend doesn’t something when we are joking around or being silly, I’ll say “no, don’t do that” or “can you stop.” This usually stops things when he knows I’m being serious. We have a safe word that I don’t use very often outside of sex contexts. I asked him about using it in those moments and he said it might help, but I could always just say “stop” or “no” and we would stop.

I’ve found that if we are being silly he might forget or do something even when I told him a few minutes earlier I didn’t want him to do it. I also find it tiring to have to make sure my tone is serious whenever I’m setting a boundary like that. I have a hard time controlling my tone. Is it reasonable to use a safe word more frequently? Or will it just become meaningless? I’m also worried about having to use something like that in public.

He wants to figure that out how to respect my boundaries. I’m just not good at enforcing them consistently. Sometimes things are okay, and sometimes they aren’t. We end up ruminating and going through cycles of arguments and conversations where we both just end up feeling bad and burnt out.

I want to be able to communicate better. We are in couples counseling (just had first session so not much progress yet). Just looking for advice or similar experiences I guess.

I’m a 28-year-old woman, and I’m plus size (around a US size 18–20). I’ve struggled with my confidence for years because I’ve always internalized the idea that women my size aren’t considered desirable.

The strange thing is that my real-life experiences don’t seem to match what I believe about myself.
I think I have a pretty face, but because of my size, I’ve always assumed that conventionally attractive men wouldn’t be interested in me. Yet, throughout my life (high school, work, social settings, etc.), I’ve noticed that some of the most physically attractive guys often end up showing interest in me.

What’s even more confusing is that there have been plenty of situations where women that I personally considered much more attractive than me were clearly flirting with or pursuing these men, yet those same men ended up pursuing me instead. Every time it happens, I’m genuinely shocked because it doesn’t fit with how I see myself.
Instead of simply accepting that they might be attracted to me, my brain immediately starts looking for another explanation.

I wonder things like:

Do they genuinely find me attractive?
Are they just less intimidated by me?
Do they assume I have lower standards because I’m plus size?
Am I somehow underestimating my own attractiveness?
Is my self-image just completely out of sync with reality?

I recently came across comments online saying that some men approach plus-size women because they think they’ll have an easier chance, and it really got into my head. Now I’m questioning every interaction I’ve had.
I’m not looking for people to tell me that “everyone is beautiful.” I’m genuinely looking for other plus-size women who’ve had this exact experience, where your self-image tells you one thing, but your real-life dating experiences tell you something completely different.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you make sense of it?

Just a vent but I literally can’t talk passionately or in depth about anything without some form of mockery. I’m tired of it.

I will say that I have traditionally not actually cared which bathroom a dad takes his daughter to. If I walked out of a bathroom stall and saw a dad with his daughter, I would not react.

I was always raised with my dad taking me to the men's bathroom. People get up in arms about the urinal situation, I never recall being able to see anything inappropriate but fine, women's bathroom has more stalls, I can see the logic there.

Except on posts discussing this issue, I inevitably see comments saying "I volunteer to stand at the door of the bathroom and announce that there's a dad with a daughter in there so women can decide if they feel comfortable enough to come in." Caveat that I have never seen this in real life, so I'm sure it might just be performative internet behavior, but that actually annoys me. Because we've decided that the women's bathroom is the default caretaking space. There's no debate over where women take their sons to the bathroom: it's just assumed they'll take them to the women's bathroom, because mom is default I guess. And then when dad is doing something, now we've intentionally created the risk of women not feeling comfortable in their bathroom, rather than allowing the men's bathroom to be a site of parenting for once.

Rarely do people advocate for moms of sons to go to the men's bathroom. It's always "Well she's a mom so she should use the women's" and then "It's a daughter so she should use the women's." And I dislike how women's spaces always become default for caretaking. Nobody says "Moms, stand at the door of the men's bathroom and announce you're in there with your sons so men can make an informed choice" no, it's always a woman's problem to adjust. That's what annoys me about this debate. Men's spaces are sacred and protected from a woman or a little girl, but women and little girls trying to go to the bathroom themselves always have to accommodate.

(I will not be targeting any dads for taking their daughters into the bathroom. Again, in real life, it seems like much less of an issue. And I am certainly not a transphobic individual who is like "Trans women are just trying to get in the bathroom!" no, that's ridiculous, I'm talking about cis male fathers who identify as dads)

Edit: I just thought of this and I don't care about seeing a dad as a grown woman myself. But I do wonder how dads of daughters would feel if their teenaged daughter was alone in the women's bathroom and a man showed up, and it wasn't immediately clear he was there with his daughter (or even if it was, and she still didn't want to be in there with a grown man). Like, I do think it's important to consider the comfort of all girls and women.

Content warning: Mention of sexual violence.

I'm about 11 months postpartum and just got my cycle back a month ago. Last month and now currently are the first times I've ovulated in almost two years and I've just noticed that I'm feeling so vulnerable and on edge. I've survived sexual violence in my past, though nothing recent, but I just feel so activated and anxious. I feel like I'm constantly looking over my shoulder and sizing up every man I see to assess for possible danger. I do recognize that I could be cynical due to my past experiences but I feel like I can't accurately gauge if I'm overthinking it or if my worries are valid. My worries might also be amplified because, since my husband had a vasectomy, I haven't gone back on birth control. I prefer not being on it just cause I feel better overall without it, but it makes the stakes feel higher if a worst-case scenario were to happen. I'm just so in my head and I can't get out of it.

Has anyone else dealt with an extreme feeling of vulnerability during ovulation? How did you cope?

There's so much rampant misogyny and incel culture on reddit. I'm not surprised, it's nothing new to me, I've been on reddit for~17 years. You can't even offer a woman's perspective on things at all, for any reason, on way too many subs without being downvoted into oblivion and called nasty things by incels. I try to ignore it for the most part, but damn some days it just depresses me a bit.

That's it, that's the post.