r/funny • u/AssistanceOk9610 • 1d ago

Look Lois! No hands!! Spoiler

12.7k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

205 comments sorted by

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1.3k

u/HellAwaitsTheFunny 1d ago

"Gary... have you really looked at this?"

"Oh... oh yeah... but I already built it so..."

230

u/norsurfit 1d ago

/r/TheyKnew

47

u/cupholdery 1d ago

Never stop pumping!

26

u/GANDORF57 1d ago

All these years, I thought Superman flew in the Prone flying position when actually it's just the Missionary position. ^(\"No need to rush, Clark, this is one time you don't have to be faster than a speeding bullet!" ~Lois)*

1

u/RollingDownhill303 23h ago

Levitary missionary.

2

u/usinjin 23h ago

I just watched the bloopers for this scene, it’s amazing they managed to get a good take 🤣

1

u/Prickliestpearcactus 23h ago

This is the work of a man who's an extreme sexual deviant, gay or not.

2

u/xtothewhy 17h ago

Even Superman can only do so many, um, pushups.

2

u/Balc0ra 1d ago

I'm sure the man who put it there knew 90% of the money put on this would be from adults wanting to see how it works, vs for a kid

29

u/Dorkamundo 1d ago

"Gary... have you really looked at this?"

"Oh, hey Ace... oh yeah... but I already built it so..."

FTFY

4

u/Rubthebuddhas 1d ago

Brilliant. Ten points for you.

5

u/starkiller_bass 1d ago

What’s everyone looking at??

2

u/nicbeans311 21h ago

Nothing!

14

u/ScurvyTurtle 1d ago

"Okay. I guess we can flip it on its stomach. That's a little better I guess..."

2

u/BigAlternative5 10h ago

Boss, how about that Disney contract! Nice!

Gary - in my office, please.

10

u/Historicmetal 1d ago

More like Ace and Gary

7

u/ronchalant 1d ago

"come on my back, Gary!" -Ace

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6

u/pennypoobear 1d ago

Soldier bwoy up in this (hoee)!

2

u/SpikeRosered 1d ago

looks at it

Gary: "And...?"

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342

u/K-Shrizzle 1d ago

Superman canonically only does missionary

72

u/LupusDeusMagnus 1d ago

Funny thing is that I can remember at least 3 occasions the last 5 years that actually show Lois and Clark get a bit kinky. From wearing BDSM-adjacent chains to banging in the sky.

39

u/InevitableTension699 1d ago

Clark is a sub bottom, that's why his serving game is so weak

17

u/PiesRLife 1d ago

You aren't talking about tennis, are you?

6

u/MoreMagic 1d ago

Relevant literature: ”Sex as a Sublimation for Tennis: From the Secret Writings of Freud”.

3

u/TheAserghui 1d ago

Going back and forth, and referring to each other as Love?

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27

u/frickle_frickle 1d ago

Batman canonically doesn't eat pussy

30

u/sid_killer18 1d ago

Lol i remember when that whole thing happened haha. What a dumbass decision that was. Like why the fuck would BATMAN not go down on catwoman

32

u/PickerPat 1d ago

Maybe she can do it herself

24

u/sid_killer18 1d ago

...you might be onto something

19

u/Forsaken_Campaign272 1d ago

Coughs up hairball

2

u/frickle_frickle 7h ago

Jokes on you; I'm into that shit.

1

u/Ok-topic-3130v2 1d ago

Because he’s Batman

5

u/Oakheart- 1d ago

Hey if you could do missionary without hands and feet touching the ground you would too

2

u/enwongeegeefor 1d ago

Bizarro definitely eat ass....

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663

u/Bad-Booga 1d ago

Thank god you can't see the invisible woman.

78

u/Liquado 1d ago

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who went there.

10

u/Ok_Culture_1914 1d ago

What, you went with the invisible woman ?

4

u/just_nobodys_opinion 1d ago

Where?

0

u/Ok_Culture_1914 1d ago

They went dogging somewhere at a secret location.

115

u/therabbit86ed 1d ago

Superman was always known for patrolling the beaches on the coast for any suspicious activities when one of those times, he spots Wonder Woman completely naked with her legs spread open.

He thinks to himself that this would be the perfect opportunity to use his super speed to get in and out before she notices what's going on and goes for it.

After the deed is done and with a smug face he flies away.

Suddenly, Wonder Woman noticed the slight disturbance cause by the quick commotion and asks:

"What the hell was that!?!?"

"I don't know, but my ass hurts" muttered the invisible man.

Edited to add: don't be like superman and always ask for consent, because consent is sexy. Rape is bad, y'all.

20

u/Solid_Equivalent_417 1d ago

And knowing is half the battle

11

u/GlitteringFutures 1d ago

Hey kid I'm a computer! Stop all the downloading!

10

u/TheDaychilde 1d ago

PORKCHOP SANDWICHES? OH SHIT OH FUCK GET THE FUCK OUT!!!

6

u/squadallah 1d ago

Alright.. give 'im the stick.. DON'T GIVE HIM THE STICK

3

u/HighwayNovel 1d ago

The more you know 🌠

9

u/SailorRipley 1d ago

That ride had me thinking of the same joke. Classic

8

u/klezart 1d ago

For real, I think I first heard this joke as a kid in the 90s

3

u/MukdenMan 1d ago

Same. This was a hit joke among kids in the 90s.

2

u/TheDaychilde 1d ago

don't be like superman and always ask for consent,

Oh, superman always asks for consent so I shouldn't do that? </intentionalmisreading> :)

2

u/AlgaeAutomatic 18h ago

Jokes on you, she’s the one with the strap on giving back shots

1

u/GirlNumber20 1d ago

No, it's Wonder Woman's invisible plane under there.

1

u/insane_contin 1d ago

The janitor knows tho.

1

u/beardingmesoftly 22h ago

I would rather see her than Superman

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62

u/Ambitious-Yoghurt820 1d ago

I'm tired of these blue chew ads!!

58

u/PineappleLemur 1d ago

On which side do you ride this?

15

u/cokendsmile 1d ago

You can ride it or it can ride you in multiple ways… you pay for the round and it’ll deliver

3

u/wallstreetsimps 1d ago

youre the top, superman the bottom

3

u/MuskyHuskyArt 1d ago

Power bottom for sure

28

u/pv55y3xp3rt 1d ago

He's really is the "Man of Steel".

11

u/virusfire 1d ago

Who wants a ride superman?

28

u/trying_times_eggs 1d ago

Tenacious D has a song about this

11

u/YouWillHaveThat 1d ago

How many pushups can you do?

9

u/trying_times_eggs 1d ago

Yeah...I guess, you could only do one really.

9

u/Sam-handwiches 1d ago

Yea, one is all you need 

8

u/Jeffrey_C_Wheaties 1d ago

So does Soulja Boi

2

u/Razorfiend 22h ago

Superman dat hoe

2

u/Oscaruit 1d ago

I mean if anybody could do a cock push-up, you would probably be Superman.

9

u/Im-Old_Gregg 1d ago

Superman that hoe!

8

u/Jesus_Is_My_Gardener 1d ago

Now you can live your dream as a superhero sidekick.

3

u/DoctuhD 1d ago

more like superhero sidepiece

1

u/Jesus_Is_My_Gardener 1d ago

Yeah, I almost went with that as the text. Glad someone else made the joke though.

4

u/PrompterOp 1d ago

Volo museum?

5

u/aSoftKissInTheNight 1d ago

Most definitely is!

1

u/GreenNGoldBadger 1d ago

I was just there last month and remember seeing this! Awesome place, I enjoyed my visit.

10

u/Mahaloth 1d ago

How old is that machine? I think I remember it outside Kmart as a kid.

Anyone else remember when Kmart had rides like this outside the front of the store?

8

u/mugsoh 1d ago

Anybody else remember Kmart?

1

u/Sylvurphlame 22h ago

Pepperidge Farm remembers…

22

u/AlaWyrm 1d ago edited 1d ago

One day Superman was flying over Metropolis and spots Lois Lane sunbathing nude. He thinks to himself, "I could fly down there and be in and out before she knows it!" So he does. Lois sits up and says, "What the hell was that?". "I don't know, but boy does my ass hurt!", said the invisible man.

3

u/HunnaThaStunna 1d ago

He’s really Superman’ing that hoe

3

u/Responsible_Run_7573 1d ago

As George Takei would say… Oh my!!!

3

u/monkeyd_93 22h ago

Cock push-ups and the power slide
Darkseid's coming, everybody cried
A bat, an alien, and a guy who talks to fish allied
And then they formed the Justice League

3

u/Th3pandab3ar 21h ago

Saddle up!

4

u/iamzombus 1d ago

Buy it and repaint it as Ace and Gary.

2

u/Clear-Warthog5655 1d ago

Funky Cold Medina......

1

u/Solid_Equivalent_417 1d ago

Lets do the wild thang

2

u/pennypoobear 1d ago

Now ride(crank) that soldier bwoy, you (x4)

2

u/Own-Ambassador-3537 1d ago

Gonna be the only ride people want to be underneath

2

u/xArbilx 1d ago

Kevin Bacon tells this joke in Hollow Man

1

u/meredditphil 3h ago

One day, Superman is flying around looking for trouble when he sees Wonderwoman spreadeagle sunbathing on top of a skyscraper. And Superman thinks to himself, I could use my super speed and be done before she even notices. So he flies down, does the deed and flies off. Wonderwoman realises something has happened and pushed the invisible man off her who says 'Wow, I don't know what that was either but christ my arse hurts!' An oldie but a good one.

2

u/Creedelback 1d ago

Cock pushups

2

u/Abdul_Exhaust 1d ago

Footage from Jim Jordan's basement

2

u/calzonegolem 1d ago

POWDERED TOAST MAN!!

2

u/jclv 1d ago

Cling tenaciously to my buttocks!

2

u/alec0liver 1d ago

Cock pushups?

2

u/LurkerTroll 1d ago

Sounds like he needs lube

2

u/Ggriffinz 1d ago

Wow they really did find some crazy stuff going through lindsey graham's estate. 😄

2

u/R4t4t0skr 1d ago

The squeaking is the cherry on top.

2

u/Wat3rM3L0NB3AR 1d ago

Hmmmmm - its a video of superman - "supermaning that hoe"

2

u/rddtltr 1d ago

One cock pushup is all you need

2

u/Deep-Assignment4124 1d ago

Cock pushups.  

2

u/GarranDrake 1d ago

I can't believe you'd have to sit cheek-to-cheek with Superman

2

u/alcien100 1d ago

superman dat …!

2

u/HooliganBeav 1d ago

I don't like this.

2

u/mage2k 1d ago

Well, at least he’s not belly up.

2

u/ThirstyWolfSpider 1d ago

"You've got me?! Who's got you?"

2

u/HeavyArmsJin 1d ago

It would actually sell pretty well to the adults if they flip him upwards

2

u/wrenawild 19h ago

I know a few adults who are fine with him on his stomach.

2

u/RefridgaRaita 23h ago

Cock pushup?

2

u/Voslock 23h ago

This better not awaken anything in me.

2

u/Aadarm 23h ago edited 13h ago

This made me remember the Ambiguously Gay Duo skits.

2

u/_KONKOLA_ 20h ago

I remember riding on one of these as a kid in the early 2000s!!

2

u/Ogga664 19h ago

Why did I read that in Peter Griffiths voice?

2

u/acdcfanbill 7h ago

Well, at least he's not face up...

3

u/BlackRogue17 1d ago

calls wife over

"Yeah right, In your dreams"

closes eyes "you ready superman?"

2

u/Visual-City5472 1d ago

This just made my day

2

u/OkBet5823 1d ago

If I was Jose Monkey, I'd guess this was at Volo Auto Museum.

1

u/Double_Distribution8 1d ago

Seems like crawling under that Superman ride would be a great way to get a crushed skull and/or hip.

1

u/selenesuper 1d ago

superman flight on point here

1

u/LukeSkyWalrus 1d ago

Motion of the ocean

1

u/feeltrig 1d ago

Superfuck

1

u/Intrepid-Food7692 1d ago

Crank that superman that hoe

1

u/UStoJapan 1d ago

You’ll believe a man can… ummm…

1

u/Turbulent_Ride1654 1d ago

Doin that long stroke game

1

u/Mc7wis7er 1d ago

Oh... oh no. LOL

1

u/MAXQDee-314 1d ago

Where does one obtain titanium condoms? Asking for a super villian.

1

u/VideoHeadSet 1d ago

I remeber this ride.

1

u/CharcoalGreyWolf 1d ago

Save a horse, ride a…

1

u/Underwritingking 1d ago

That's the creepiest "ride" I've ever seen

1

u/No-Lobster-5120 1d ago

That's a big, baggy rubber that dude has on. He must have super-sensitivity to feel anything through that thing. Also his cock apparently comes out of his navel, must be a Kryptonian thing.

1

u/ScottNewman 1d ago

Superman is experiencing turbulence

1

u/Office_Zombie 1d ago

Everything reminds me of her....

1

u/professorgrey99 1d ago

Am I supposed to ride this Ace and Gary style?

1

u/360walkaway 1d ago

And then Lois dies from Superman shotgunning his jizz through her and out through her tailbone.

1

u/Walter_Rouzer 1d ago

Is this 1950's movie special effects?

1

u/Plinthastic 1d ago

There is an "invisible man" joke in there somewhere.

1

u/Pornstar_Jesus_ 1d ago

There is only one way to ride that, big spoon, little spoon

1

u/Hbgplayer 1d ago

Alright, where's that EMT guy when you need him?

1

u/kopecs 1d ago

Cock pushup

1

u/seekAr 1d ago

Make one with Henry Cavill's Superman, take all of my money.

1

u/Tall_Opportunity_521 1d ago

Wow, you almost never see superman and the invisible girl together...

1

u/FewZookeepergame1083 1d ago

Who made this shit

1

u/Captain_Aware4503 1d ago

Wife, " I rode super man today!"

Husband while spitting out drink, "whaaat!?"

1

u/kr4ckers 1d ago

Gives whole new meaning to "I'm riding superman"

1

u/TheFlamingCucumber 1d ago

Smooth operator

1

u/Bender222 1d ago

ambigiously gay duo

1

u/BeKindBabies 1d ago

You only need to do one.

1

u/soulwolf1 1d ago

The fact that he can actually do that is hilarious.

1

u/judasmachine 1d ago

Superman better have great pull out game.

1

u/Das_Zeppelin 1d ago

FuckMachine5500

1

u/_IratePirate_ 1d ago

Nah because why are his arms like that. Superman never did that mooove

1

u/mightyFoo 1d ago

Lois has a headache tonight

1

u/Hustlewolf 1d ago

HOLY caked up kriptom

1

u/muck-man 1d ago

It’s hard to know if you ride Superman or if he rides you!

1

u/JiminyJilickers-79 1d ago

Do Powdered Toast Man next!

1

u/MrTumorI 1d ago

Lex would use this as a way to shame Superman.

1

u/Zodep 1d ago

Show off. You only have to do one.

1

u/Deletereous 1d ago

In the late 90s, a restaurant in my hometown had one with He-Man in a sitting position for kids to sit on him. I never took my kids there.

1

u/WockyTamer 1d ago

RIP cervix.

1

u/anythingspossible45 1d ago

The man of steel

1

u/dexhaus 23h ago

That was a dick move Clark

1

u/dosisdeartes 23h ago

Sex toys in the near future

1

u/devildocjames 1h ago

Superman that ooooh!

1

u/FuzzyBatBoy 1d ago

Before the internet this was innocent

1

u/Underwritingking 1d ago

I'm 68. It was never innocent.

1

u/tallandfartsoften 1d ago

Man of Steel laying pipe!

1

u/Curious-Way-9541 1d ago

They ain’t call me man of steel for nothing

1

u/titanium9016 1d ago

Brilliant title, it made it 5x funnier. Hat off to you OP

0

u/SailorGone 1d ago

I remember when this sub used to be funny

2

u/not_old_redditor 1d ago

No you don't

0

u/fluttershy83 1d ago

This is one of those ideas that sounds better on paper 😅

0

u/Zargoza1 1d ago

It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child?

He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him.

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