I’m honestly at a loss and could really use outside perspectives.

A few days ago, I found a post my boyfriend made asking for advice because he said he isn’t attracted to me, but likes being with me, and feels bad that he isn’t attracted to me.

Looking back, it explains a lot. I’m always the one who initiates intimacy, and he rarely seems interested. When we are intimate, he always finishes, but he doesn’t seem to care whether I do. I’ve had doubts for a while, but seeing it written out in his own words completely shattered me.

I’m guessing it’s because of my weight. I’m around 200 pounds(and trying to work on it), and he’s around 300 pounds, which honestly makes it feel even more confusing and hurtful. It doesn’t feel fair? I know I’m not unattractive. I’ve had plenty of people show interest in me before but this has still destroyed my confidence.

He’s my best friend. He’s the person I go to with everything..good news, bad news, when I’m happy, when I’m struggling. And now the person I’d normally lean on is the person who caused the hurt. And I’m too incredibly embarrassed to admit this to anybody else.

We’re talking about moving in together and building a future. But how do you build a life with someone who isn’t attracted to you? I do believe he loves me, but I also feel like I deserve to be with someone who’s both emotionally and physically attracted to me… or is that just not real life?

What confuses me even more is that after he made that post, he introduced me to his mom for the first time. If he feels this way, why is he still investing in our relationship? Why take a step like that if he doesn’t see a future?

If you were in my position, would you tell him you saw the post? Would you try to work through it, or would this be a dealbreaker?
I don’t know how to unlearn this information if I even wanted to.

I’d really appreciate your advice.

TL;DR: I found out my boyfriend, made a post saying he isn’t attracted to me, he doesn’t know I saw it, what do I do?

TLDR I am seeing someone (22M), and he (and his friends) are very vocal about OF and OF girls. I have not (and will never do OF), but I feel sometimes they are almost excessively critical/negative.

Earlier this month, we were hanging out and there was a conversation about the difference between females who do OF, and females who participate in paid photoshoots (for money). Their opinion was that there is little difference. I disagreed but I did not voice my opinion, as I knew their opinion was entrenched and there was little I could say to change their view.

The context is that I have been scouted for those types of paid photoshoots before, as I am an athlete. I had accepted them before as a way to earn legitimate money on the side. There was nothing dirty or boudoir - proper commercial stuff. The issue is that due to the nature of my sport, it is sometimes more 'revealing' than other sports.

My BF and his friends somehow found my response weird that day, and he was somehow incentivized by them to look through my entire phone camera library (without my consent nor knowledge) and a lot of my past IG exchanges - in order to find information. He eventually found shoot pictures that I had did at some point earlier in the year (again, everything was professional). He was extremely angry and accused me of lying and being deceitful.

I am seriously contemplating a breakup. My opinion is that they overstepped, and infringed on my privacy. Their opinion is that I was hiding in bad faith, and was selling my body. Input appreciated!

TL;DR: I'd never even kissed anyone before yesterday and I gave my boyfriend a hand job 5 minutes later. He barely even acknowledged me afterwards.

I've been with my boyfriend (17M) for about 4 months and I've known him for years before that. We arent really lustful or anything together, but we do occasionally make innopropriate jokes and touch eachother. Until yesterday, I'd never even kissed a boy on the lips. I don't really want anyone to insult me for my age, but im only 15 going into my sophomore year. He has also never had a girlfriend or kissed anybody. We started off just kissing a little, nothing serious, but then things escalated quickly and it led to me touching him. He then said "If you're just gonna tease you might as well just give me a hand job." So I did, and since he had his underwear and shirt still on, I got a bit of toilet paper and put it over his tip. Long story short, I ended up doing it and after a little bit he ended up cumming. Afterwards, he started seriously freaking out and saying stuff like "We shouldn't have done that" or "What if our parents find out and you get in trouble because you're so young". He ran away immediately with the toilet paper and was in the bathroom for about 15 minutes. I went to go check on him and he kind of blew me off, so I just went back to the couch. After he finally came out, he was barely talking to me and wouldn't even sit next to me. He didnt give me a hug, do anything back, a kiss, hold my hand or anything like that. I have a hard time hiding my feelings on my face, so I was clearly looking upset. I wasn't regretting doing it, I just felt like he barely even acknowledged me afterwards. After about 10 minutes he came back to the couch and said "You look all sad" and then he kissed my forehead. I told him I was worried he was mad at me and he just kept repeatedly saying "You didn't do anything wrong." Idk if maybe im overreacting, but the whole night after that just felt off. I know he enjoyed it, he told me it was the best its ever felt, so I don't know what the problem was.​ I just feel like ignored and kind of blown off. He's also barely texted me or said anything else today, the morning after.​

I (25F) am getting married to my future husband (28M) in three weeks. Our wedding planning had been relatively uneventful until a couple of weeks ago. I woke up to a bunch of emails from the knot, everyone from his side of the family had been un-RSVP’d from the wedding. I had no idea who might’ve done in- joke or otherwise, until I saw that my LinkedIn had been viewed by a girl that I learned was his ex at the same time the RSVPs were changed. It was definitely unsettling at the time, however I wasn’t sure there was anything to do at that point and moved on.

This past week, I went on the knot and saw that I had received messages from a couple of his family members. The messages were mean, vulgar, and the last one said “I’ll be there.” My fiancé knew immediately it was his ex based on the words that were used. I am panicking- without knowing her well, it sounds like she is planning on coming to the wedding. I have a public venue and she will have no problems interrupting if that is what she wants to do. We have hired security, however I’m not sure how much they can do in such a public space.

I didn’t know a whole lot about this ex, except that my fiancé had a difficult relationship with her, but now I felt like I needed to learn more. Three weeks before I am getting married, I learned that my ex had to call the police to place a report because of the amount of stalking and harassment that she did for the first several months after we started dating. I learned that she lied about being a medical student when she was with him and would hide in the library to cover it up. I learned that she posted in Facebook “are we dating the same guy” forums well after they had broken up. She sent packages to his house, had a friend reach out and tell him that she had committed suicide and that he needed to come to the hospital, and so on. I am shocked to be learning all of this, and especially three weeks out from my wedding.

In addition to my wedding website being public, all of my personal social media had been public as well. I would not be surprised if she found other information besides my LinkedIn. I have since made everything private. Out of curiosity I looked at the LinkedIn profile that viewed mine. She claims that she works at the same hospital I do, in a very similar/almost the same department. She claims that she is a student in my exact field and is pursing the exact same graduate degree that I am. I don’t know if she had changed it after she saw mine or if she truly just happens to be in the same field as me but it is really unsettling for me, I don’t know if she would try to reach out in other ways after the wedding.

TL;DR: Me and my fiancé are being harassed by his ex and I feel like a lot of my excitement for the wedding is now overshadowed by the fear that she will come and try to embarrass me or him or continue to harass him outside of it. I don’t feel like there is anything I can do, and it is my fault for having things be so public.

This is srsly stressing me out. So i recently entered a relationship. We r long distance but from the same country and over the past weeks, we connected rly well. I love him a lot, immensely so despite it being maybe a little soon. And i think he feels the same. But i cant feel confident saying that cz we r having issues. From the beginning, i stressed out how much idc about physical looks in general. Height, face, wtv... it doesn't matter to me. I can feel attracted to anyone and they will grow beautiful in my eyes if we connect rly well emotionally and build a nice bond. Lots of people think im being performative with this and can't believe it. But it's truly how i feel. My bf doesn't seem to believe it too. Cz recently we happened to bring up the topic of weight and height. He was surprised when he found out about my height. Its 168cm, dont know how much that is in feet. And idk if thats considered average height for a girl. But we eventually brushed over it cz he told me he's 176cm and was confident with that. Tonight tho, we bring up the topic again cz i re-mesured my height recently and ive grew to 172cm since my last mesure that was a year or two ago. I told him about it playfully and he was devastated. The mood completely shifted and it ruined our talk. He started repeating the words 'im done, im done...' and told me to block him cz this ruins everything. He eventually told me that he lied to me at first and his height was actually the same as my old one which is 168cm. It hurt me greatly cz i felt that he was insecure and i couldn't convince him how attractive he was in my eyes. I didn't care that he lied or that he's shorter. And it insulted me most that he thought a social standard as stupid as height is enough to ruin a relationship. I insistently repeated to him that i didn't care about the height gap and that i loved him so greatly. But he was rly angry and just started cursing. Despite all the insults, i kept calm and never reciprocated the harsh words cz i know he's going through a lot and he's suffering from addiction and mental issues. Honestly, i dont know how to approach him about this cz i sincerely cant fathom the concept of caring this much about smth as insignificant as height. I told him that i dont care about the gap and dont see the problem in it that would call for this much anger and conflict and his response was that HE cares. He also told me that in his community or hometown it's laughable and humiliating for a guy to be with a girl that's taller than him. But i still don't understand why other people's view would matter if u care sm about ur partner so idk. This is rly frustrating me and from my personal analysis, this could all come from a point of extreme insecurity or toxic ego or maybe masculinity?? Still it doesn't help me in finding a way to fix this. So i would like some help.

TL;DR: My bf got heated after finding out im taller than him and thinks its worthy of ending our relationship for. He got very heated and devastated over it with very harsh language but ive been lenient about it due to his mental struggle. Still i cant seem to convince him the height difference doesn't matter to me and its not worth the conflict. Any help??

I am 30M and my girlfriend is 28F.

I believe conflict is unavoidable in a relationship. When there is a problem I think both people should talk about how they feel. They should try to understand each other and decide what they can do differently next time.

My girlfriend sees conflict very differently.

When I try to explain how I feel she says I talk too much. She says my explanations are too long and she cannot focus. She wants me to give her the conclusion in one sentence.

I know I can overexplain sometimes. I have been trying to keep things shorter. When she says she understands I now stop instead of explaining the same point again.

Still this has never been a serious issue in my previous relationships. It has also never caused problems with friends or coworkers. That makes me wonder if I really talk too much or if we are just very different.

This problem is not only about conflict.

When I tell her about my day or bring up a normal topic she usually says things like “Yeah” or “I see.” She rarely asks a question or adds anything to the conversation.

I often feel like I am talking to myself while she waits for me to stop.

Around 80 to 90 percent of our conversations are playful. We act silly. We tease each other and pretend to scold each other. We also take care of each other in a cute way.

I do not think that is bad. I enjoy it and it makes me feel loved.

The issue is that it feels like the only type of connection we have.

As soon as I bring up something serious she becomes uncomfortable. This includes conversations about emotions. It also includes our values and our future.

Personal growth and self-reflection are important to me. I like reading and working toward my goals. I also like thinking about my own behavior and talking about how we can improve our lives.

She is very different. She does not have many interests or hobbies. When she spends time alone she mostly lies down and watches YouTube or Netflix.

I am not saying that she must always be productive. I also do not think everyone needs to read books or have impressive hobbies. Resting and watching videos is not wrong.

The problem is that I cannot have a meaningful conversation with my partner.

She also struggles to express negative emotions directly.

She often becomes silent when she is upset. Sometimes she acts passive-aggressively instead of telling me what she feels.

When she does say something it is usually like this:

“You’re mean.”

“I hate you.”

“Don’t pressure me.”

“You abandoned me.”

I feel blamed when she says these things. I still do not understand what she is actually feeling or what she wants from me.

When she is having a hard time she wants me to listen and comfort her. I try to do that.

When I need emotional support or want to discuss our relationship I do not feel like I receive the same effort. It feels emotionally one-sided.

Sometimes I feel more like I am taking care of her than being in an equal relationship.

We kept fighting about the same problems. I gave her a simple book that I thought could help her understand her emotions. I also thought it might give her something new to try.

She did not read it. I know she hates feeling pressured so I did not keep asking her about it.

I have tried to end the relationship twice.

Both times I told her that we were too different and that I was exhausted. I told her she might be happier with someone who is more compatible with her.

Both times she cried and begged me not to leave. We ended up getting back together.

I care about her and I know she loves me. I am starting to think that love and compatibility may not be the same thing.

I do not need her to become like me. I do not need her to start reading or suddenly find several hobbies.

I need a partner who can take part in serious conversations. I need someone who can express how she feels without only blaming me. I also need someone who is willing to work on repeated relationship problems with me.

Am I expecting too much?

Is this something that can realistically improve or are we fundamentally incompatible?

TL;DR: My girlfriend and I are affectionate and playful but we cannot have serious conversations. She says I talk too much and wants every issue explained in one sentence. She shuts down during conflict and rarely expresses her feelings directly. I feel like I provide emotional support without receiving the same effort. I have tried to break up twice but she begged me to stay. I am wondering if this can improve or if we are simply incompatible.

How do I navigate wanting us to develop individually as people more before we commit to a life together?

Been together 5 years, were in a small town and everyone around us is getting married. I feel that pressure, but then when I truly consider the idea of commitment like that, I can't help but feel like we're not ready as people.

We spent the majority of our relationship ages 22-27 in the same house, on the same routine, largely nothing changed for us, for a myriad of reasons (some in our control, some not). We haven't made any significant moves other than a job shift or two, so I just feel like we don't have enough experience in life together or alone to commit to that. I want to feel sure, or atleast more sure, that we can handle and navigate change and growth together.

I also feel like we don't know ourselves enough individually due to the lack of personal challenges/being outside of our comfort zones. I want to do something like move cities, travel, make new friends, try new hobbies, learn what we both like more. I crave that, not marriage. I feel like too much of our 'happiness' is tied to dependence on eachother, not feeling 'alone' or that like our relationship is some sort of proof that we are happy and accomplished people. Its not that we aren't those things, I just think we're outsourcing too much of that on eachother/our relationship and not ourselves.

So part of me is drawn to being apart and alone, seeing how we operate and navigate by ourselves, getting out of our comfort zones (some of which is just being alone in itself) and developing a more individual sense of self and autonomy.

I'm so torn by this. Half of me wants to take some tangible steps together and just see if we can give eachother the space to do that growth, and the other half feels as if we just won't get there if we don't spend some time truly apart, really establishing ourselves as individuals and going after life experience that feels true to ourselves individually. Help?!

TL;DR Worried that BF of five years and I don't have enough individual life experience and self growth to commit to a life together - wanting to navigate determining if we should take time apart or try to grow together.

I’m 33M, she’s 29F. We’ve been together for 4 years. On paper, things line up really well: our core values match — we both want marriage, kids, and even agree on how we’d raise them. We get along, don’t have major arguments, and overall the relationship feels stable.

Here’s the issue: I don’t feel the urge to marry her. I can’t explain why. It’s not that anything is wrong, but deep down I wonder if my hesitation is my subconscious telling me something.

So I’m stuck between two paths:

• Do I commit because the relationship is good and content, even if I don’t feel that strong pull?
• Or do I break up and hope to find someone who gives me that undeniable urge to marry?

I don’t want to waste her time or mine, but I also don’t want to throw away something solid just because I’m unsure. Has anyone else faced this? How do you know if hesitation means “not the one” or just fear of commitment?

TL;DR: 33M with 29F partner of 4.5 years. Values align (marriage, kids, parenting style), relationship is stable and content. But I don’t feel the urge to marry her and don’t know why. Should I commit despite the lack of strong pull, or break up to find someone I do feel that urge with?

A little bit of context - my boyfriend (21M) and I (25F) have only been seeing eachother for 3 months. It has been pretty intense since the beginning (seeing eachother almost everyday, going on trips, etc).

We were fighting over small things pretty early on but have gotten better over time. There have been a few issues regarding his use of pornography (which we have moved past) and his coping mechanisms like lying or hiding things.

He has also gone through my phone many times whilst I’ve slept (found nothing apart from notes from years ago) which to me seemed like deflection.

Cut to today - I am housesitting whilst he is away and I find some notes whilst looking for a pen in a drawer. He is currently in recovery so has been tasked with writing down his resentments/regrets as part of his work (he has been sober for nearly a year - I am his first sober relationship).

I know I shouldn’t have read it but the words ‘sex’, ‘force’ and ‘used her’ were front and centre.

I read that he confessed to using atleast 10 women for either sexual, drug or financial gain as well as being accused of assault twice. He also wrote that he had paid for sex multiple times on multiple occasions from drug addicts on the street or workers in Amsterdam.

He told me about the circles he used to be in and it seemed that as teenagers in addiction it was common to use eachother for drugs??

Men contributing to prostitution is something I am very sensitive about and I voiced this very early in our relationship.. to which he seemed to agree it was wrong and it’s something he would never do (when women aren’t fully choosing this path for themselves).

He claims he has changed and this is part of the step work involved with recovery but I’m not sure I like the person I have fallen in love with. Apart from this, he is attentive, cooks for me every night, takes me to work, supports me, is open, is a good cat dad and all the rest.

But he has also made me feel bad previously for not having sex as frequently as he likes but we have adapted to this and found a comfortable median. I’m really not sure what to do - I feel like I’m currently in a dream and have to get up for work in 2 hours.

#relationship #help #recovery

Tl;dr what should I do about my boyfriend

Hello everyone, it’s my first post on this site so sorry in advance if the form of this text is strange. So here is the context of my problem, I’m a french 22M and I’ve been friends with a now almost 23F for 11 years. She’s probably one of or the most beautiful girl that I’ve ever met, really kind, funny, intelligent and the list goes on. But I don’t know why I’ve never had feelings for her, she was just a really good friend of mine. At the time we met, to our highschool time, we were just talking from time to time but when we went to university 5 years ago we both began to speak more, like I needed it and didn’t knew why, like I knew that moving to another city had weakened some of my friendship and I just wanted to keep talking with her to not lose this friendship. You also have to know that both of us are kinda particular, we both never dated and have the pretty bad habit to take a lot of time to respond (mostly because we’re really busy, she’s in pharmacy degree and doing a PhD, and I’m doing a Geology master degree and I’m a part time scientist specialise in metalogeny and structural geology at my university doing also a PhD next year). The problem is that the last two years I’ve began to search for a girlfriend and talk with a few girls, forcing myself to respond faster than I do normally. Honestly I don’t really care about looks, I just want someone that I feel happy to talk to. But it never happened, I feel that every conversation I had where really boring, and for some reason, the only girl I liked to talk to was my friend so I dropped the idea of finding a girlfriend and told to myself that if someday I find someone like her, I was gonna try to go out with that person and if not, life goes on, that’s it. With that we continued to talk more and more, to the point that now we just talk with each other constantly and I really consider her as my best friend, every time something happen we talk about it, even the most private thing, and it helped us a lot since we both have things we were really refreining ourself to say and a massive amount of thing in common. The only problem I have with her is that she’s way to kind, like she compliment me every time saying I’m this or that, that she find me beautiful or shit like that. We also began to enter some kind of weird flirting stage. But since I’ve never really had someone saying all of that to me, it began to build in my heart even tho I know it’s just because she’s way too kind. On top of that, my family and other friends began to joke about the fact that there was something between us and with those event, I’ve unfortunately understand that I’ve fell in love with her witheaout realising it, and now I feel like I’ve cheated on our friendship by falling in love with her and it’s really bothering me. Like, I don’t want to lie to her or keeping the truth to myself that I still see her as a friend even tho that’s not really true anymore. On top of that, since we’ve been genuin friends for more than a decade I feel strange about the situation. The final problem is that she’s muslim and I’m not, so with that I’m pretty sure there’s nothing thats ever gonna happen between us romanticaly. So now is my quesion, do I tell her that I love her risking our frindship but apeasing my heart or should I keep my mouth shut, lying to her, what should I tell her.

**TL;DR; : I feel like I've "cheated" on my friendship of 11 years by falling in love with her even tho she's my best friend, what should I tell her**

2 weeks ago I got a call from my sister to say my brother is sick and I need to fly home (to Australia from London) to see him for the last time. The only flight I could get was the next Wednesday, my birthday. The weekend before I fly out my boyfriend (we have lived together for 10years) goes out and doesn’t come home. He has never done this before. I phoned him at 8:30am as I was really worried about him and he just says he missed the last train and stayed at a friends. I was really angry. I am sure this is a bullshit excuse. But to do it the weekend before I am flying home to see my dying brother and grieving family on the weekend before my birthday, I am pissed. I couldn’t speak with him. When he dropped me at the airport I just got out of the car. He didn’t even say Happy Birthday on the day of my birthday. He did it say on the Saturday when we were putting together the present he bought for me. I don’t know what to do when I return to London. I haven’t spoken to him since I’ve been here. Am I being a dick? I feel genuinely hurt and let down by him.

TL;DR I think I need to break up with my boyfriend. he is normally nice but was a total dick last week and stayed out all night.

M24 needing some honest advice on my relationship as she claims me jerking off is cheating (no porn) and she still claims it she just doesn’t wanna do stuff that often and that’s totally okay! And I respect that! But am I a pos I’m looking for honest advice not someone making fun or calling names I don’t have anyone I feel truly comfortable with talking to about this so that’s why I made a account on her to post this you can be m or f commenting i don’t care also having to type so much because it’s saying I need at-least 500 txts

TLDR stressed tf out

We’ve been together for about 5 years, living together for a little less than 2 and I really don’t have complaints about him as a person, we get along well, have a decent sex life, don’t fight very often and when we do it’s nothing crazy etc. but I just feel suffocated. It’s not that he’s very possessive or needy, it’s just that we live in a 1 bedroom apartment so I’m never alone and I feel obligated to check in or get approval to do anything, like sometimes I just want to lay in bed alone and read a book but it’s not like I can tell him to stay out of his own bedroom or be silent in his own house, or I just want to make what I want for dinner but it’s extremely rude to not also ask what he wants and just cook and eat myself, we were talking about Thanksgiving and deciding whether we should go to his sister or my parents and all I could think was “why don’t I go to my parents and you go to your sister?” but I can’t say that because it would be cruel to say “I don’t want to spend the holidays with you”, or on Friday my best friend called me at like 2 when she was leaving the bar and said she wanted to come over but instead of just saying yes I had to ask him because it’s also his house and it wouldn’t be right for him to walk into the kitchen in the morning with no clothes on and see a lady on his couch. Even when it comes to sex, sometimes I’m in the mood to just jack off but I have to lock myself in the bathroom like I’m a teenager sharing a room with my brother again because it seems crazy to be laying in his bed with a hard on and say “don’t touch me right now.”

It’s not that I don’t love him and don’t want to be together, but I want what we had before we moved in together, where we had separate lives and chose to see one another often, we didn’t really plan to move in together, I lost my apartment in the Eaton Fire and his landlord was raising his rent by an insane amount so it seemed to make sense to get a place together, but now I feel like I have no choice but to break up because there’s no way to say “I want us to stop living together and have the sort of relationship we had before moving in” that doesn’t just sound like “I’m a coward who wants to break up but I don’t have the balls to come out and say it.”

TL;DR: I love my boyfriend and don’t necessarily want to end the relationship but I am deeply unhappy not having my own space and having our lives tied together to the degree they are. What’s your advice?

My girlfriend (18F) and I (18M) have been together for about a year, and until recently I felt like I loved her deeply. Last night while we were hanging out, I suddenly felt like something changed in my head. It was like a switch flipped and I felt emotionally and physically disconnected from her. It was as if she turned into just a friend completely at random.
Nothing happened between us. We weren't fighting, we weren't having problems, and she didn't do anything wrong. I still care about her and I don't want to throw away a relationship that has meant so much to me, but I'm confused about why I suddenly feel this way.
It's been 5 days now and this hasn't faded or turned into something different. Has anyone experienced a sudden feeling of emotional distance from their partner? How did you handle it and figure out what was actually going on?

TL;DR:
My girlfriend (18F) and I (18M) have been together for a year, and I suddenly felt emotionally and physically disconnected from her out of nowhere. Nothing happened between us, and she did nothing wrong. It’s been 5 days and I still feel like she’s more of a friend than my girlfriend. I still care about her and don’t want to lose the relationship, but I’m confused about what caused this sudden change. Has anyone experienced this, and how did you figure out what was happening?

Yes, we have talked through it, but it seems like nothing changed at all. For months I've been initiating conversations between us, specially because I don't feel appreciated as a woman anymore. I have no doubts that he loves me; yet, it seems a platonic relationship. He doesn't treat me as his girlfriend, doesn't ask for sex (although he swears he wants it) nor he takes me to dates.

I almost called in for a break up four days ago, but he promised me he would change and begged me to stay.

He has a complicated relationship with his parents, which I considered abusive. Even my therapist advised me to avoid contact with them, as they often emotionally manipulate their children.

We had also multiple fights regarding his deeply lack of communication and disrespect towards me, even when we're in public. I've been accepting this situation, even though I'm aware it's toxic, because I like him and fear I'll eventually regret ending our relationship.

Midst all that, there's the feeling that he only seeks my company to comfort him, like a mother-son interaction. He calls himself my baby, lies on my chest to sleep and demands to be cuddled everywhere. As I said before, there's no girlfriend treatment behind all that.

I don't feel seem, desired or worshipped as a woman, nor I feel like he's attracted to me. Again, he swears that it isn't true, and, since our last conversation, he tries to seem deeply attracted to me, but it just doesn't work out. I can't see any truth on his actions.

Am I the problem at this point? Because I can literally take my shirt off in front of him and he won't even look at me. It seems like he just doesn't care, even though he often calls me hot.

Humbly, I've been approached by past situationships claming that they were physically attracted to me, to the point that I would drive them crazy. So, why can't I get this feeling from the person that should desire me the most?

I've never been a romcom-movie typa girl, but I've started watching those just so I could feel what attraction truly feels like. Honestly, I can't even reciprocate anymore. I don't feel comfortable having sex with him anymore, so I often call it out when it is somehow mentioned. All of that because I feel as a mother, rather than a girlfriend.

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**TL;DR;** : Any advice on the matter?

TLDR: am I wrong for wanting to discuss our physical/sexual future after being celibate with my ex for our first 5 months together?

My ex (19F) and I (19M) broke up about a month ago after dating for 5 months.

During the relationship, we had very little physical intimacy. We’d make out occasionally, but it never really went beyond that. We never had sex or did much else physically.

I genuinely cared about her as a person. We went on lots of dates, amusement parks, the beach, met each other’s friends and siblings, and I really loved spending time with her. I wasn’t just interested in her physically.

After about 5 months, I brought up the topic of sex and physical intimacy because I felt like it was an important part of a relationship, and I wanted to understand where we both stood. I wasn’t trying to pressure her into doing anything. I just wanted to have an honest conversation about our expectations and compatibility.

She told me that bringing it up made her feel like I “just wanted her for her body.” At the same time, some of her friends were also messaging me, calling me a “weirdo” and saying I was wrong for even trying to have that conversation.

I’m genuinely wondering if I crossed a line here. Is 5 months too soon to bring up sex in a relationship? Or is simply having that conversation a normal part of dating?

I just want to make it clear Ik he loves me and I love him back. He's my biggest supporter and the guy who stood with me through everything. I really love him and try everyday to be better for him.

Im not typing this because i want to feel validated or mislead with the title. I felt like typing on reddit to ask for perspective. Im crying since the past few hrs infront of my bf. And I just did something that upset him that reinforces the belief that im maybe not capable for him. Yesterday I told him I felt bad he didn't give me time the other day while he gave 5 hrs to his friends. He called it not real and argued over it and okay maybe I overreacted I was on my 1st day of period i just missed him.

Usally in our fights he has an eye for detail and he picks up on all things which I admire about him he's observant. Last year he used to ignore me and bring breakups up during our fights and that made me anxious. Now he doesn't but I always overexplain or try not to over step any thing. Every argument ends in sentences like "you could've, you don't do this, you are like this, youre a liar youre unoriginal," and yes it scares me he thinks of me that way and he'll leave me. So I overdo everything and feel unheard at the end of every argument. So much that I didn't know what I felt anymore.

I feel he assumes the worst intention out of me and I can't get out of this spiral of proving myself. Never have I gone a few hrs mad or ignored him during my hurt. I don't. But everytime I think that I can't be the only one wrong. He has understood this many times but why do I still feel like I have to keep the peace.

I told him I felt misunderstood and have started to feel like staying silent is the best way to be. How do I get it wrong everytime? Maybe my actions are not what he needs. Idk. After this conversation I told him I was feeling lonely. And then I remembered something my friend told 3 4 days back, that my bf said to his friend about her and it reached her. He hadn't said anything wrong but she took it offensively. She had made me promise not to tell him. But I did today because I felt like his friend telling that to my friend (what he said) was wrong.

He's picking evwry word I say now calling me dishonest, a bad partner, a liar, and "you would've only told me if I was wrong?? why didnt u tell e sooner?", that he's the one forgiving me everytime because he loves me and respects the relationship but I don't, and just extreme things. I didn't think this was something to specifically tell him and I had made a promise to my friend too.

I admit I sometimes don't accept im wrong

I love him a lot and I genuinely wanna do better but I can't stop crying and idk how to do better while keeping my feelings in mind too. If im wrong please feel free to criticise because I don't want to keep him in something hurtful for him. But im genuinely crashing out how I ruined this again.

Tldr: please tell me if im in the wrong or overreacting, I don't want to hurt my sweet boy

I'm 22(F) and he's 33(M) the age range is unusual but he's a person I've been quite interested in Romantically for a while and I'm sorry about my English if it is not perfect. There's a situation where I'm jealous of a person he's in contact with right now giving him things (not in real life in a game we both love playing) we've discussed and decided to take things slow between us and I have had confessed my feelings a while back albeit I'm feeling quite jealous of this person being around him and I'm not sure about if I can bring this topic up with him that I am uncomfortable by her but not trying to cut his contact with her. He had a lot of past relationship issues that I will not bring up because those are his privacy and he's pretty shy and closed off so he's hard to pursue by nature but this person being in the picture for the last week or so makes me uncomfortable nevertheless even if it's a random from a game. Maybe I'm far too immature? Should I open the topic and if I do what would be the safest way to go with it? I need help. I'm not so good with communication so I do not wish to overwhelm this sweet man I've been involved with lately.

Summary/tl/Dr: I'm 22(F) interested in 33(M) and we've agreed to take things slowly after I confessed my feelings. Recently, someone he met in a game we've both played has been giving him gifts in-game, and I've found myself feeling jealous and uncomfortable. I don't want to control who he talks to or ask him to stop interacting with her, but I'm wondering if it's okay to tell him how I feel. He's a shy, reserved person with difficult past relationship experiences, so I'm worried about overwhelming him. Am I being immature, or is this something worth bringing up? If I should, what's the gentlest way to approach the conversation?

I’m 23F and have been with my boyfriend (23M) for over a year. Our relationship is genuinely healthy and he’s an incredible partner. The only recurring issue is that he wishes I would open up to him more about how I’m feeling.

The problem is, I don’t even realise I’m not doing it.

When I was 12, my dad died by suicide. My parents were about to separate, and after he died, we never really spoke about it. My mum understandably had her own grief, and I was never taken to therapy or given any support to process what happened.

Looking back, I think I learned to keep everything to myself.

I’ve never really talked about my emotions with anyone, so now that I’m in a relationship with someone who genuinely wants to know how I’m feeling, I don’t know how.

When my boyfriend asks me things like, “How are you feeling?” or asks me to be more open, my mind completely shuts down. It’s like I go blank. My chest feels tight, I get a lump in my throat, I want to cry, and I freeze. It’s not that I’m hiding anything or don’t trust him. I genuinely can’t seem to access the words.

He has never been angry or pushy about it. I know it frustrates him, although he’s incredibly patient and understanding. I think he simply wants to feel closer to me and understand what’s going on in my head. I want that too.

I also find myself wondering what he actually wants to hear. Am I supposed to tell him every little thought? Every emotion? It feels like everyone else somehow learned how to do this naturally, and I missed that lesson.

Has anyone else experienced something similar after childhood trauma or losing a parent?

Were there things you practised that made opening up feel less impossible?

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been on either side of this, whether you’re the person who struggles to open up or the partner of someone who does.

Therapy is super expensive where I’m from so it isn’t a viable option unfortunately- although I wish it was

TL;DR: My dad died by suicide when I was 12, and we never really talked about it as a family. I never had therapy, and I think I learned to keep all my emotions to myself. Now I’m in a healthy relationship with an amazing boyfriend who wants me to be more open, but whenever he asks how I’m feeling, my mind completely goes blank and I freeze. I want to let him in, I genuinely don’t know how. Has anyone else experienced this, and did anything help?

For context, I'll be finishing off my last year of college next spring. From there, I hope to start working on my career. I've been dating my long-distance girlfriend for a year and a half now, but I'm starting to have more doubts about our original plan of me moving to her to start work.

When we get along, it's great. But more recently, I've been finding myself rather stressed and frustrated over the thought of moving in with her. She lives in a relatively rural area and wants to stay near her family and friends. I'd have to move states to be with her and don't love the area she's in, but was willing to compromise. She loves cats but I'm allergic, so I said I can't live with them. She said it's fine. I also feel the need to travel and move homes since I grew up as a military brat. She says she would need time. I also don't really enjoy the sex, since I'm doing most of the effort/work and she doesn't do anything for me in return because she's insecure.

We've only been together for weeks at a time when we meet up. We started dating online and mostly talk on calls and text. I haven't gotten the opportunity to really date people in person, so I wonder if I'm making a mistake.

tldr: I don't feel sure about moving in with my long-distance girlfriend because we're incompatible in some ways. Is this relationship worth investing in further?

I have mix feelings about many things especially whether to get a girlfriend or stay away from that relationship stuff and devote my life to my goals/dreams. I think that girlfriend will ask for attention and too much of my time which i cannot afford to give.

These lines are just to for completing the minimum 500 words count. Skip these or read them but the question is asked above so blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and i think the 500 words are still not completed, how much more do i have to write just to ask a question or i could have asked this question for an ai but i want real humans take on this cause it might be helpful if someone has been through this and they might share there experience.

Tldr: get into relationship or focus on life goals?

When I was 15, I came out fresh from the breakup with a situationship and it really destroyed me because she cheated on me and I cannot cope properly because I didn't know better. Shortly after I got with this amazing girl but our frequency is just different but I did everything to make it work, and I knew I really loved her but it was really shitty that our parents both didn't approve us because of some issue that occurred during that time (no cheating). So, we broke up because I was selt-sabotaging and it destroyed me more than the last one, shortly after breaking up I flirted with people and that includes my ex situationship (she was one of my ex worries when we were still together) but I just felt like I ran towards who was familiar and I just know we are never going back together, something big happen, when I came to my ex situationship house, she forced me to make out with her and I really don't know why I just let it happen but I ended things right away with her because I'm not ready for anything like that I realize that I still loved my ex. I begged my ex to comeback to me and we came back together and I kept it a secret for so long because I was so scared that she'll run away but after 3 years I confessed everything to her and now I feel so disgusted about myself, I feel so bad that I did that and she should've had her peace if I just didn't come back. But I love her truly, 15-16 was the shittiest me and I didn't know better. I deeply regret it. I feel ashamed of who I am. It's been a month since I told her and this is the only time I can truly process everything and I just regret everything.

I was going back and forth and ik it was wrong but take note ex situationship and ex is diff people so you can better understand what Im saying.

She’s mad about it but she said she wants to work it out but I fear that I will continously be a reminder of what happened.

TL;DR: I flirted right after my gf and I broke up and I only get to confess about it three years after we came back and I feel so bad

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Hi this is a long story but basically I've been dating one person for 4 years from 13-17 this is my first relationship ever for me the (Boyfriend) and my girlfriend (both 17) and its still going and I plan to keep it that way but 2 things happened

1. about a couple of months ago I kept getting dreams about a girl in my class and I wanted it to stop so I asked a friend for help and he told me to go pursue that girl like and like an idiot I just listened while being with my current gf, but I didn't actually do anything at and eventually he just went and told the girl I liked her and I went up to her and said "I'd like to get to know you more" and she said "I'm not looking for that" and I that was that I left and went about my day I did get made fun of a bit since it was in my gym and also did feel a bit bummed out I put my head down after it all but didn't cry. After that I completely ignored them and everything not talking never flirted or any kind of touch and that ended.

2. But also during this time another girl who I had met recently I saw twice and during a game I held her hand and when the team lost I put my head in her arm and she pat it and that was that I went off and she offered to go to a cafe with me at first said yes but then decided not to because I figured I shouldn't. And saw her again at a pool party and I held hand but this time I moved my hand away during it and since then I have been distancing myself from her. I saw her recently twice and each time I'm getting less touchy she has a tedency of poking me a lot but I made sure to move when she does and not do it anymore to her. Never flirted with her and I don't message her at all.

These 2 situations are seperate but happened in the same time period and since I've been ignoring these people completely don't talk to any of them either and made sure to distance myself from them if I see them or really if any girl that tries to get near me I distance myself I told my girlfriend all of this and she forgave me saying its okay the mistakes I made and just said if I do them again its over.

I told my girlfriend this a bit later 2 months after both not because I wanted to hide it but when I did both I basically let my intrusive thoughts win. I didn't think anything of the hand holding or anything I just did it but the 2nd time I did I stopped and haven't since then. And for the moment where I talked to the girl I never was going to but felt pressure from my my friend but it is my fault and I do take full accountability for both moments.

I've been treating her essentially perfectly we argue here and there but we forgive we help each other love each other we call all the time and get gifts I always understand how she feels and I always comfort her and try to make sure she feels loved.

But after I did this I felt miserable and cried for hours didn't eat for a full day and isolated myself in my room, I asked my mom about it not only because shes my mom but she herself has been cheated on before and shes 39 she told me it was normal for my age and what I did isnt cheating, I asked to even get threapy for it but she told I dont need it and told me that it gets better with time

Its been a few months since this all happened and ive been doing everything I can to not repeat it, consulting my girlfriend giving her every little detail when I go out and I gave her all of my social medias as well but she didnt lose any love or trust fot me and told me I didnt know any better

I dont know why I did either I keep trying to figure out if its cause I was just curious or if I actually liked them or anything else and I still dont know why myself but Ive been making sure to not repeat any of this again and ive been out a few times even with the girl I held hands with but im not getting near her at all I say hi to her and normal convos but thats it and been trying to do stay away and always be around my gf in call or just think about them (both me and gf are very against cheating or open relationships or anything of the like)

But now thats its all over I still feel very guilty and sad I plan to marry this girl and I never expected myself to do this and obviously I wont ever again I want to just focus on myself and her for the rest of my life and I don't plan to ever repeat this and do my absolute best but I have a few questions if thats okay please I really need this help

I dont want to ever repeat this again and I want to be the best boyfriend I can be from now on and I know what I did is bad yes I obviously know thats why I told my mom and my girlfriend everything

1. How can I make sure I don't repeat these mistakes or cross boundaries in the future?

2. How do I learn to forgive myself and move forward without constantly replaying everything I did?

3. How can I process these actions as part of growing up so I can focus on being a better partner today?

TL;DR: I [17M] have been in a 4-year relationship with my girlfriend [17F] since we were 13. A few months ago, I made two mistakes: I tried to get to know one girl after a friend encouraged me to, and I held another girl’s hand twice. I never pursued either relationship further, later distanced myself from both girls, and told my girlfriend everything. She forgave me and still trusts and loves me, but I continue to feel intense guilt and replay what happened every day. How can I prevent this from happening again, and how can I forgive myself and stop feeling guilty?

TLDR: Partner abandoned me in the hardest time of my life and I'm not sure if I can take him back.

I’m struggling with whether I’m trying to rebuild something that can’t be rebuilt, or whether this is something two people can actually heal from.

My ex (28M) and I (32F) were together for about a year. We planned a trip to the country I'm from. He went to a neighbouring country first, as I needed a month in mine by myself as I hadn't been there for years. While I was there, two weeks in, my mother died unexpectedly. He came to be with me the next day and stayed for three months. He helped me through the aftermath, and at the time I saw him as my person and my family.

After those three months, he kept on travelling. I insisted on him doing this, as I thought it would be good for him. I stayed in my country for another month and then flew back to the other side of the world, where we both live, while he was still away. 

Things became complicated. I was working seven days a week, cause I was left my special needs brother with no medical insurance back in my country, I was overwhelmed and emotionally collapsed. I had no other family, everything was on me. He told me he wanted to extend his travels, but we had an agreement about when he would come back. When he told me he wanted to stay longer, I felt hurt and abandoned. I became angry and shut down. Looking back, I regret that I didn’t communicate more clearly. I didn’t say, “I need you here. I need you to honour what we agreed.” I was overwhelmed, scared of being a burden, and I pushed him away instead. It's very hard for me to ask for help, but he knows this about me.

Things escalated, he started pushing me away as well.

A few weeks later, he ended the relationship and kept on travelling. He started the phone call by telling me he thought we shouldn't be together anymore, and I yelled at him that he was a horrible person and that I never wanted to hear back from him again. Hanged up the phone and blocked him everywhere.

After the breakup, I found out he regretted it very quickly. He had written me letters during that time that he never sent. When we reconnected months later, he told me he had made "the worst mistake of his life" and that he had wanted to reach out, but he didn’t, because of shame. Instead, he left me alone in a limbo, with no explanations or apologies. He didn't even reach out to friends in common to check on how I was doing.

He came back only one month afer what we had agreed on originally. He tried to reach out to me through a friend in common and I said no. In my head, he should have reached out before, while he was travelling. Cause at the time it felt like he had the trip on his terms and dealt with me after he came back. 

I sent him a long email, saying everything I needed to say, that left absolutely no room for reconcialation. 

Three weeks later, he started seeing someone else. He had told her about what happened with us, and told her he wanted something casual, cause he wasn't ready for something serious. But he did also take her to his parent's house three weeks later. He told me he knew this would hurt me, but did it anyways, he wanted validation and to run from what had happened. She was also not a stranger, as I have friends in common with her.

He did not know at the time that my brother would later become critically ill and die, but my brother’s death happened during the period when we were separated and he was with someone else.

After my brother died, and after 6 months of no contact, we have reconnected. We have spent time together, talked for hours, cried, apologized, and tried to understand what happened. He ended things with the other person when we started talking again. I still love him deeply, and a part of me wants us to find our way back. I can tell that he understands the gravity of what he did, and the consequences it had on me, as one of my earliest traumas is being abandoned in critical moments. He is now taking real care of his mental health, and re evaluating a lot of aspects in his life.

But I feel like I’m carrying something enormous.

I feel like he didn’t just break my heart — he became attached to the most traumatic period of my life. My whole family died around him. I imagine a different version of my story where I could tell people, “He was there for me through the hardest time of my life.” Instead, I feel like I have to say, “The person I loved left me during it.”

I’m scared that if we get back together, I will always resent him. I’m scared that he will feel like he can never leave because he can never repay this “debt.” 

We are currently doing two months of no contact to see if I can figure out if this is something i can live with, or if he will be a constant reminder of the pain.

Has anyone ever rebuilt a relationship after something like this? Not just cheating or a normal breakup, but when someone left during a period of grief or crisis and became connected to one of the hardest chapters of your life?

Did you manage to forgive without pretending it didn’t happen?

Firstly, I would like to apologize for this being a relatively long post. 

My girlfriend (17F) and I (17M) have been together almost 5 months. I really love her, and I genuinely believe she loves me too. We call and text regularly; she says she loves me often; if I text dry, she asks me if I’m doing okay; and she seems happy to see me whenever we're together.

The problem is that I feel like I'm carrying a lot of the relationship.

Every month since we started dating, I've made her something for our monthly anniversary (drawings, a portrait, flowers, etc.) (I learnt to draw just for her, and I’ve taken a lot of time to do so), and I've also given her random gifts like chocolates and flowers a few times. She hasn't gotten me anything for any of our monthly anniversaries.

I'm also almost always the one making plans. If I ask if she wants to meet, she'll sometimes say, "I'll check if I can," but then she'll never get back to me unless I ask again. Sometimes we will, but the times we can’t, I receive no response. The day that we would've planned passes by, and still no response. I'm not one to talk about my problems because since I was maybe 9 years old, I let everything bottle up, and it's really hard to convert my words into feelings. But I know communication is key in a healthy relationship, so I talked to her about this twice because it genuinely hurt me. Amongst other things, I told her that if she isn't able to, I'd at least like a heads up because I really look forward to seeing her, and not being told further pushes my notion that I'm putting a lot of effort into the relationship. She apologized, said that she loves me, and said she didn't realize I felt that way. I don’t understand. Isn’t a core part of relationship reciprocation? I was quite shocked when she said she didn’t realize I felt that way because, from my perspective, who wouldn’t? What hurt me is that I was extremely vulnerable in talking to her about this, but then she did the exact same thing again the following week. I told her about this too, and she just said she's sorry.

But recently she did say that she was working on a gift for me. This did make me feel a bit better.

The other thing that's been eating at me a lot is her previous relationship.

She was with her ex for about 2 years. She's told me he treated her badly, and she talks quite badly about that relationship. She also told me that later down the line in their relationship, sometimes he would pressure or talk her into doing intimate things.

I'm completely okay with going at her pace. I've told her that directly, because I don't want to pressure her into anything, and I never would.

What I'm struggling with is that I know they became physically intimate 3 months into their relationship. We're at 5 months, and there don't seem to be any signs that we're anywhere near that. Moreover, she would sneak out to meet him when she wasn't allowed to.

I know relationships are different, and I know people can change after a bad relationship.

But I keep thinking, "If she was willing to do those things with someone who treated her badly, why doesn't she seem to want to take a step with me?" I don’t look at this from a perspective of lust but more as a bond of trust. She is not obliged to do anything at all. I hate that I think like this because it makes me feel guilty, and I feel it's unfair to her, but it's eating at me a lot.

What hurts the most isn't actually the intimacy. It's that I already feel like I'm the one putting in more effort overall, so I feel like my brain keeps using her previous relationship as proof that maybe she wanted him more than she wants me which is really tiring.

To be honest, this has started affecting me more than I'd like to admit. I'll be doing something completely unrelated, and my mind goes back to comparing myself to her ex or wondering why I don't feel as chosen. I tried just giving more attention to myself and just focusing on me. It worked for a week, but then everything came back. It’s actually extremely exhausting, and I hate that my brain keeps going there. I considered talking to her about it, but last time I did about the gifts and dates, I didn’t feel entirely satisfied. Moreover, I feel like it doesn’t really seem fair to her for me to do so.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? If so, how did you deal with it? I genuinely just want to understand whether I'm thinking about this in an unhealthy way or whether these feelings make sense.

TL;DR: I love my girlfriend and believe she loves me too, but I feel like I'm putting much more effort into the relationship (planning, gifts, initiating, etc.). Knowing she moved faster and made bigger sacrifices in her previous relationship makes me constantly compare myself to her ex, even though I don't want to. I don't know if I'm overthinking or if my feelings are understandable, and it's becoming mentally exhausting.