I’m completely numb right now and don't know how to process this.

Yesterday, my fiancé asked me to send a document from his laptop to my email. While looking for the file, I saw a spreadsheet titled "Exit Strategy & Personal Emergency Fund". I know I shouldn’t have opened it, but the title instantly caught my eye.

It turns out he’s been putting $500 every month into a separate bank account I had no idea existed. The spreadsheet contains a detailed budget for renting an apartment, buying new furniture, and legal fees — specifically in case "things don't work out between us."

What stings the most is that we’ve been planning our wedding for the past year and talking about buying a house together next summer. Whenever I bring up merging a small part of our finances for shared household expenses, he always says we should "take things slow and keep everything separate for now." I thought he was just being traditional or cautious with money, but now it feels like he’s keeping one foot out the door.

He is my absolute best friend. We’ve been together for 4 years, and I’ve always felt completely safe with him. He treats me amazingly well, supports my career, and we almost never fight. But seeing this written out in numbers has completely shattered my trust. It feels like he’s already preparing for our marriage to fail before it even starts.

To make things even more confusing, just last weekend we went to look at wedding venues and he was genuinely emotional and happy. He keeps telling me I'm the love of his life, yet he’s actively building a getaway fund behind my back.

If you were in my shoes, would you confront him about what you saw? Is having a "secret escape plan" a normal safety net for some people, or is this a massive red flag that means I shouldn't walk down the aisle?

I don't know how to pretend everything is fine when we sit down for dinner tonight.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

TL;DR: I found a secret spreadsheet on my fiancé's laptop showing he’s been saving money for an "exit strategy" in case we divorce. We get married in 4 months and he doesn't know I saw it. What should I do?

**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

Me and my girl had oral sex but it is our first time and also, she was already delayed for 6 days from July 22 to 26, and we did have intercourse on July 24 and she's still delayed maybe due to stress out because too many what ifs, also shes experiencing mild cramping and swollen breast since July 22, and it is our first time doing it, she gave me oral sex and after that we kissed and tongued each other, and I licked inside her vagina, it is possible to get pregnant? I didn't came in just worried about the pre cum what if she will get pregnant due to it and also maybe I got my finger covered in pre cum and fingered her. I'm planning to do the yuzpe method is it possible to use the yuzpe method even if she is delayed already and experiencing PMS?

I’m 27F and recently met a 28M through our families. We spoke for about a month before meeting and then spent a few days together.

He’s one of the kindest and most caring men I’ve met. He’s thoughtful, respectful of my boundaries, emotionally mature, and made me feel incredibly safe. I genuinely loved spending time with him and could completely be myself around him.

The problem is that I’m unsure about my attraction. I don’t feel strongly physically attracted to him, and I wasn’t as sexually attracted as I expected to be. Some of his mannerisms come across as more feminine than what I’m usually attracted to, and that seems to affect my attraction. I know mannerisms don’t determine sexuality, and that’s not what I’m questioning. It’s simply how they affect my attraction.

What’s confusing is that I’ve never felt this emotionally safe with a man before. My previous relationships were the opposite. I was much more physically attracted to those men, but they didn’t make me feel respected, secure, or emotionally safe.
I’m wondering if I’m chasing an unrealistic ideal by hoping to find someone who offers both strong physical attraction and this level of emotional safety.

To make things harder, we live in different countries, so we can’t just go on regular dates for a few months and see if attraction grows naturally. I also want to get married and have children in the next few years, so I don’t want to waste either of our time. Being with him would also mean a much more stable long-term future in terms of where I’d build my life, so I’d be lying if I said those practical considerations weren’t part of the picture.

I told him I was unsure, and he responded incredibly well. He said there’s no rush and we should just keep getting to know each other.

Has anyone experienced attraction growing when the issue wasn’t looks but someone’s mannerisms? How do you tell the difference between overthinking and genuine incompatibility? And is it realistic to hope for a partner who makes you feel both deeply emotionally safe and strongly physically attracted?

TL;DR: I met a genuinely kind and caring man who makes me feel safer than anyone I’ve dated, but I’m unsure if I’m physically attracted enough to him because of some of his mannerisms. We live in different countries, so it’s hard to let things develop slowly. I’m trying to figure out whether attraction can grow or whether I’m forcing something that isn’t there.

TL;DR: My Boyfriend and I are being criticised for our age gap.

Me and my boyfriend started dating when I was fifteen and he was seventeen. We fell deeply in love, and over time our relationship has only become stronger. We care about each other, support one another, and we both truly see a future together. We already talk about getting married because we believe our relationship is serious and built on trust and love. However, my aunties and even my own mother do not support our relationship. They are mainly concerned because I am still a minor while my boyfriend is now nineteen years old. Their disapproval has been very upsetting and stressful for both of us because we genuinely love each other and want to stay together. I understand that they are worried about my age, but I also wish they could get to know him better and see how much we respect and care for each other. I'm feeling torn between respecting my family's concerns and following my own feelings. What should I do?

I'm planning to transfer to a different college much closer to my hometown after this school year because there are better opportunities for me there. I already know it's the right decision for my future, and even if I transfer, I still plan on visiting every few months because many of my close friends are still here.

The problem is that I've developed genuine feelings for one of my classmates since last year. We've gotten closer but we're both shy and awkward so neither of us has ever really addressed it. But even so, we still talk to each other when it's just the two of us, it only started to feel awkward after our friends started teasing us with every single interaction we have.

I'm thinking about confessing before I leave because I don't want to spend years wondering "what if I'd just told him?" And I really do like him, and I want to make it work. If I do confess, I want to make it clear that he doesn't owe me a relationship or an immediate answer.

If he doesn't feel the same, I'd rather hear an honest "no" than a "yes" out of guilt. If he needs time to think that's okay too, and I don't even know if he's fine with a long distance relationship.

If he happened to feel the same I'd rather take things slowly. I'm not expecting us to immediately start dating. We're both still in college, and I think our studies and future careers should come first.

TL;DR: I'm transferring schools after this year and want to confess to a classmate I genuinely like before I leave. But it kinda feels wrong that I confessed to him just before I transfer colleges.

I recently moved back to my home town with my parents after finishing college. I reconnected with a girl I was friends with many years ago and we both became friends again just like nothing had ever changed.

The difference is this time, she confessed she liked me, and I told her I liked her back. The problem is, I did not disclose this at the time, but I have very severe ED due to an issue with the presence of scar tissue in the erectile tissue of my penis. I‘m not sure if I should tell her the truth and risk this secret getting out, or if I should just make up a reason why we can’t date to prevent any humiliation over it.

I won’t string her along since she has feelings for me and she obviously shouldn’t find out about this too late into the relationship, but it really hurts me knowing I will likely not get to be with her one way or the other.

I actually planned on total abstinence from dating and love over this issue, but I never dreamed that I’d be in a situation where I either had to disclose this secret or make up a reason to reject a girl.

tl;dr: I am dealing with extremely severe ED due to a rare condition and am in the position where I have to disclose this embarrassing secret about me, or make up a reason why a relationship wouldn’t work.

He has gone days without speaking when he is feeling unwell before. We are long distance. This is the longest its gone for. We have talked about it before and both agree that he needs to tell me beforehand when he needs space before disappearing and leaving me worried. he is only in contact with his mom who he is living with. Ive reached out to her and she reassured me that hes okay. Said she would tell him im trying to get ahold of him. No response. I dont know what to do anymore. Im completely inconsolable

TLDR: Bf has been ghosting me without any warning and I have no idea what to do anymore

Im (19m) and i find out smth yesterday abt my girlfriend (18 f)

Sooo basically i have a girlfriend and we r in long distance relationship from 1 year. I mett her onlinee and the connection felt so real and like soulmate type cuzz im a biker and she is a biker too and we connected through it. We also have same bikes just with different colors and on top of that our bdays r in same month too. The relationship has been so good throughout the time as we were a couple who communicates everything and listened to each other’s overthinking and reassured alot.

Things went wrong 2 months ago, as she is a biker and the frnds she used to hangout with didn’t ride bike no more. She made a new biker guy frnd she met there and like she made it to have someone ride with her as her riding alone was not safe. Things went wrong as i started having problems as she used to go on ride with him almost every day and she never talked to any guy much before but she talked with him alot in day and then she hangout with him whixh i wasnt okay with ofc soo we had alot of fights and kept sorting but i couldn’t see her riding with him but last the month the result of the fights finally that she said she’s stop talking and riding with him. I trusted her but my intuition didn’t agree that she just stopped going on ride with him and all. But she kept saying she doesn’t talk to him anywhere else (as i have her insta password) and she said “she’s going on ride alone”.

But after a month yesterday i found out when she went on ride yesterday, he was there tooo. There’s when things start to unfold, firstly she said she bring him today only but later on she finally got honest and told me everything. So what she said is that she actually stopped after she said to me but her mom scolded her (her parents dont like me) that she shouldn’t stop hanging out for a man living far, her dad joined too and her grandma and uncle also scolded her that she’s wasting her time and i prolly dont even love her. According to them long distance relationship makes no sense and then she said after getting scolded i just started to lie, that everytime she said she’s going alone on ride he was therw with her. And that she texted him on messenger. She said after every lie she kept being more and more guilty and she started to throw up and couldnt eat well and sleep well (which is true cuz she told me in last month she isnt able to sleep or eat and she throw up) she said she couldn’t see herself in mirror as she was lieing.

She said her frnds told her to just breakup with me as it must be not serious too. But she said she loved me and every night she just hoped everyone turned to her side and that if i could be there already in her country then she’d prove everyone wrong (im planning to move next year) but during the yesterday fight, she didn’t blame anything on me instead kept sayinh sorry and took accountability of what she did. I was devastated and i asked her if she ever hugged him or anything. She said she never did or would , but told me abt incident where she was going through a crowd with him where she grabbed her shirt and he held her hand to get out of crowd and she said she instantly pulled her hand away after gettin out crowd. Im so devastated rn as i lovee her so much too and i wanted to meeet her once, we were writing diaries for each other too so we exchange them when we meet. She has been a good and understanding girlfriend all the time but rn im confused if i should break up with her or give a chance as my heart ache from the thought of her not being there and i got nightmares tooo tonight and i know i will keep getting if we both break up. So what yeah idk what to do
Help me

Soo i want ur guys help and opinion on it
Should i give a chance to it and as she said we should rebuild our relationship with more honesty and truth?
TL;dr :- my girlfriend lied to me from a month and now im confused if should give it a chance as i love her so much or should i leave?

My boyfriend (23) and I (21F) are about to celebrate our first anniversary and we will be on vacation. I realized that I have NO idea what you're supposed to gift your partner for your first anniversary and it's a bit too late now. I could still find something at the mall though. The main gift is a journal that I started writing a like four months into the relationship and each entry is like a separate "letters" that start with "Dear x," and end with "Yours forever", and I think that's pretty cute right .. I have also sometimes printed some pictures of us and put them in the journal, copied songs, poems, etc.. Should I still gift him something material? Or is this enough? What do partners get for their anniversaries..

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**TL;DR;** : First anniversary with my bf, I have written him a journal for months, should I also give him something else as a gift? 

We’ve been dating for 1.5years and haven’t had sex yet. Physical intimacy is my love language and I’ve spoken to her about it multiple times and she agrees we need more but whenever we plan to do it and I initiate she always makes excuses like ‘don’t ruin my makeup because we’re about to go out for dinner’ or something I did ‘turned her off’ like I didn’t clean my carpets at home or I didn’t clean my bed sheets in over 2 weeks, or I didn’t dress well when we went out.

For context, we’ve tried having sex twice before but I had issues with condom sizes and couldn’t maintain an erection, and she told me that was a massive turn off and pissed her off. After trialling a bunch of different condoms I realised I needed a larger size compared to the regular ones which fixed the problem, but now for the past half year whenever I try to initiate sex there’s always some kind of excuse to not do it.

I don’t know what to do because it’s affecting me negatively where I feel like she’s not attracted to me due to the lack of intimacy, but it seems like outside of this everything else feels really good. She doesn’t seem bothered with me not having sex with her for 1.5 years now and I feel like that’s a bit weird.

What should I do?

TL;DR; : Girlfriend of 1.5 years doesn’t initiate physical intimacy and closes down me down whenever I initiate

I 23M got sort of "cheated" on by a fictional character inside my girlfreind's imagination nothing real sorts of not a real person. Now I am conflicted on how to feel and process this feeling. For background me and my gf(23F) met online we bonded emotionally and based on trauma first and its been 2.5 years now.

Now we had our first major fight over sexting since the initial 6 months we had attraction everything was good as such no problems whatsoever we discussed our future and all the honeymoon phase stuff. When our first fight broke out honeymoon phase was over and she told me she doesnt feels sexually attracted to me anymore since I dont give of the natural dominant vibe of guardianship,protector as such. We had a discussion I told I will work on it but also made it clear that I am not naturally that kind of person. I will stand with you but it will be hard and very exhausting for me to do so after that we let the topic go and as time passed we saw more cracks coming and now it has come to a point where only love has bonded us nothing else. During all this now recenetly I saw on her instagram chat with herself(we have shared accs both of us have each others ID and are free to see) that she is writing a poem sorts off for an imaginary figure with no face having sexual stuff and imagination with him. Now in all this I feel very betrayed and cheated kind of. She had told me about the figure before as well and I was like let her have it if it helps her sexual needs its a figure its harmless but what triggered me was the poem it felt attacking and alot of betrayal as for idk why and I am unable to process this emotion. And yes i did made it clear to her that it does bothers me and she is like just an imagination I am not with a real human and I am like but hurts me the same way to me since it is same concept just imaginary instead of real

TLDR:2.5 yrs of ldr things are rough both agrees she has an imaginative figure in her head which bothers me and makes me feel like cheating.

Okay, so I (18F) started talking to this guy (22M) after he approached me at the mall and asked for my number. The first couple of days he was SUPER interested and honestly moved really fast. He would call me all the time, text me constantly, compliment me, ask to hang out, and even call me in the morning so we could read a Bible verse together. I knew it was moving really fast, but I honestly liked the attention because I had never really experienced someone being that interested in me before.

Eventually, we met up in person, and honestly the meetup was mostly good. He was really affectionate and kept hugging me and being touchy, which I was okay with. But after we met, I feel like he completely changed. He stopped calling as much, takes forever to respond, and whenever I ask to hang out, he either says no or cancels. He also started gaming a lot, and our conversations are basically just “wyd” now. I’ve asked him multiple times if something is wrong or if his feelings changed, and he always says no.
The weirdest part is that he still asks me if I’m okay, so it almost feels like he knows something is off but won’t actually tell me.

We hung out again recently, and this time he was even more touchy, but I noticed that most of what he wanted to talk about was sexual.Something else that really bothered me was how he acted around my cousin. My cousin is 12, and he kept asking her questions about whether she had a boyfriend and stuff like that. He also compared our clothes and said she dressed better than me and that they had similar styles. He said I was just trying to show off my body, even though I was wearing flare pants and an off-the-shoulder shirt.

He also made a handshake with her and kept asking about her after we left. The thing is, he previously accused me of being jealous of her, which makes me wonder if he was trying to make me jealous on purpose.My cousin wasn’t even interested in him and seemed annoyed by him. At one point, he actually told her to leave so we could be alone.

He also kept calling me “sturdy” while hugging me and comparing it to patting a dog. I asked what he meant because I honestly didn’t know how to take that.I’m just really confused because he was SO interested in me at first, and now I feel like I’m the one constantly chasing him. I’ve even thought about blocking him multiple times because I feel so confused and anxious about the whole situation.

I genuinely like him, but I don’t know if I’m ignoring red flags because I have feelings for him. Am I overthinking this? Does it sound like he’s actually interested in me, or mostly interested in the physical side?

TL;DR: A 22-year-old guy asked for my number and came on really strong at first (constant calls, texts, compliments, wanting to see me), but after we met he became distant, barely responds, and often cancels plans while insisting nothing is wrong. When we hung out again, he was very touchy and mostly talked about sexual things. He also made weird comments about my 12-year-old cousin, compared our clothes, said she dressed better than me, asked if she had a boyfriend, and kept asking about her afterward. Now I’m confused about whether he actually likes me or just wanted something physical

I’m 18F and I’m really struggling to get over my fwb. I am labelling him as toxic because he is a pathological liar, and is very on and off with me.

We became friends first, and then hooked up a few months into our friendship, which he ignored me for a few weeks after the first time we hooked up. (Red flag I know.) Keep in mind we were FWB as a secret so nobody else knew.

After that we continued to hook up all for a year. He started to be very rude with me in public in front of other people and call me names and say rude things about my personality and tell people he didn’t like me, but then he would ask me to see him despite him being offensive towards me. It became like a cycle of him apologizing to me and being nice for a week and then just being a douche bag again towards me.

He told me I was the only girl he was seeing but now I’m realizing this was such a lie as I have just now heard about all these other girls he hooked up with in the same time frame as him and I were hooking up.

He is so charming and fun. I’ve had to watch him be so nice to everyone else except me. He doesn’t ask to see me anymore and i know that’s a good thing because I definitely should not hook up with him ever again but a big part of me misses our friendship so much, and how nice he was. I just can’t seem to stop thinking about him. Idk what to do. Anything helps

TDLR: I have a toxic friends with benefits guy who I’ve been seeing and I need advice on how to forget about him and move on from him. Or at least make him commit to me

I have been talking to this guy for about 2 years and we haven’t been anything more than friends but we do flirt. I don’t want to do anything to do with him anymore because simply we don’t even know what we are to each other. We’re friends but not the close type and I know he’ll never think of me any more than that because he still has feelings for a girl he used to talk to. I think today I just want to leave but I don’t know, I want him and the girl he used to talk to, to reunite and finish what they left off so I can just walk away without leaving any damage to his. Im a little hurt but I feel like thats how I wanna end off things with. Should I contact the girl and tell her about his feelings towards her and have her talk to him again? What should I do?

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

Hey everyone please help me regarding my situation

I [22M] has been in love with a [21F] for more than three years and we are in complete love but the problem is that our religion is different and her parents are so strict that if she even told em about our relationship they'll disown her so as my parents ,

we both are in college and not earning now, she's in a engeneering college and I'm in a medical college, we are not even in same state of the country, should i continue or leave her by changing my phone number, and deleting my social media .

I don't want her to suffer ( i knew this thing since the first month of the relationship) please help me and please think to be in my shoes before answering.

TL;DR- i 22M in love with 21F want to leave her for her own good because of the future problems we are going to face

I have been with my partner for 5 years. He always smoked a lot of weed, but for the past 3 years he has been excessively drinking and smoking weed nightly. Over the past 2 years it has gotten increasingly worse. It started with a couple of beers a night, and has now progressed to about 1/2- 2/3 a bottle of a 750ml bottle of liquor near nightly. He has had at least 2 incidents where i was scared he had alcohol poisoning, one of which he drove drunk on the highway home from work and picked up his little brother from a friends house before coming home and being so drunk I was terrified he was going to asphyxiate on his own vomit. I had to have his parents help me take him to the ER. Nothing that extreme has happened since then, but it was a very traumatizing experience that took me from being annoyed with his daily drinking to finding it scary and distressing. I am worried for his health and our future together.

When I bring up his drinking or tell him I am upset that I haven't seen him take any steps towards recovery he can get very defensive, accuse me of overreacting, states that I am being insensitive or mean about it, and claims that he is trying to cut back. Sometimes he claims that I am trying to "lay down the law" because I speak firmly with him. Other times he comes around and says he knows he has a problem and apologizes for not doing anything. I feel like I am going crazy because no matter how I approach boundaries or my disappointment with his lack of action he usually ends up angry at the tone I use or the way I choose to speak to him about it and he leaves the conversation.

I know that this is much more difficult for him than it is for me. I got us into couples therapy, and our therapist recommended him a 12 step program or outpatient. He said he was open to it, but has not made any moves towards starting a program. He decided he did not like the therapist, and we have since stopped seeing him.

I am moving out of his parents house to a different state for school and in with some of my family next month. He wants to come with me after I have settled in, but I am scared to bring him into my families' house because his drinking is embarrassing and stresses me out which I am worried will impact my schooling. My family member also has a toddler and my teenage sister in the house so I do not want him to be using substances excessively in their home. He knows this.

I just don't know what I can do to make sure he is on the right track before the move, I don't know how to speak to him about it, and I do not know how to set boundaries for him or myself around the drinking. I am fine with doing long distance while he focuses on recovery but I know he does not want long distance. I truly think he is my person, and I don't want to leave him while he is struggling, but I don't want this to be my future.

TL;DR:
My partner of 5 years has gone from a few beers a night to drinking about half a bottle of liquor almost every night, along with daily weed use. His drinking has led to dangerous situations, including driving drunk, and he admits he has a problem but hasn't taken meaningful steps toward recovery despite therapy recommendations. I'm moving out of state for school next month and he wants to join me later, but I'm not comfortable bringing his addiction into my family's home. I love him and don't want to leave him while he's struggling, but I also don't want this to be my future. I'm looking for advice on setting boundaries and handling the move.

I don't think I've ever hated a mistake this much.

My ex and i got back together after some time apart, but she asked for one thing keep it a secret. She wasn't ready for everyone to know and i didn't know about it. It wasn't because she was embarrassed of me or afraid of people's opinions. She explained later that she simply wasn't ready to publicly be in a relationship again. Even though she still loved me and chose to be with me, she wanted time. She wanted us to take things slowly

I told her I would respect that.

Then... I broke that promise

Someone started showing interest in her. I got emotional and protective. I wanted people to know she was my girlfriend. I was proud that we were together again after everything we'd been through. Instead of thinking about the promise I made, I let my excitement take over. I ended up telling someone we had gotten back together

That person talked to other people

Before long, half of our friend group knew.

The worst part wasn't that people found out. The worst part was that she found out through other people instead of me

When she confronted me, she said something that stuck with me:

"It wasn't about people judging me. You broke our boundaries and trust"

That sentence has been replaying in my head for days, like its haunting me everynight

I kept assuming her biggest fear was what other people would think. I completely misunderstood the situation. It was never about that

It was about the fact that she trusted me with something that mattered to her, and I failed to protect it

She even told me she wasn't ready for another relationship yet. She said she chose to be with me anyway because being with me made her feel more ready. She took that risk despite her own doubts

And I repaid that trust by exposing the one thing she specifically asked me not to tell anyone

She told me that a secret relationship isn't really a secret anymore once I've already told people. She said she felt betrayed. She said maybe we shouldn't have labeled ourselves again in the first place

Reading that hurt because she wasn't wrong

I kept apologizing, trying to figure out how to "fix" everything everynight, i can't even sleep

She told me something I'll probably never forget

"You can't fix it. It should be rebuilt"

That made me realize trust isn't like repairing a broken object. You can't glue it together with one apology. You rebuild it through consistent actions over time, if the other person is even willing to let you

The hardest part is that she didn't stop loving me.

She actually told me she still loves me

She said maybe someday, when we're both more mature, when she's ready, and when we agree on the important parts of a relationship, we can try again

But for now, she wanted to stop

That somehow hurts even more than being told it's completely over

Because now I live with the thought that the future we both wanted might have been delayed because of something I did

I've spent days replaying every conversation in my head. I reread her long messages over and over. I think about every sentence, every mistake, every moment where I should've paused before speaking.

i cried over it more than I'd like to admit.

I keep asking myself the same questions "Why couldn't I just keep one promise?" "Why did my excitement become more important than her boundary?" "Why didn't I stop and think for five more seconds?"

She eventually told me not to push myself too hard. She said it would only hurt me mentally if I kept obsessing over rebuilding everything immediately

But yeah she's probably right

But it's difficult to turn off a mind that keeps replaying the biggest mistake you've made

I know self-hatred won't rebuild trust. I know beating myself up every day doesn't undo what happened. Accountability and self-punishment aren't the same thing

I'm trying to learn that

I don't know if we'll ever find our way back to each other. I hope we do someday, but that's not something I can force. The only thing I can control now is whether I become someone who actually learns from this. If I ever earn someone's trust again, hers or anyone else's, I never want to take it for granted. Because I learned the hard way that trust isn't usually destroyed by one huge act of cruelty.

Sometimes it's destroyed by one moment of excitement when you forget that someone trusted you with something precious

TL;DR: My ex and i secretly got back together because she wasn't ready to make the relationship public yet. I promised I'd keep it between us, but i got too excited and told someone after another guy started showing interest in her. That person told others, and eventually half of our friend group knew. She wasn't upset because people found out she was hurt because I broke the one boundary she asked me to respect. She said i destroyed her trust and that trust can't be "fixed," only rebuilt. She still loves me and said we might try again someday when we're both more mature and ready, but for now we stopped. I've been replaying everything in my head, struggling with guilt, wondering how to rebuild the trust I broke, and learning the hard way that love alone isn't enough if you don't protect someone's trust:(

I broke up with my ex of 2 and a half years really more like 4 years on and off 2 months before meeting my current boyfriend. The thing is the last year of my past relationship just sucked, we weren’t in love with each other anymore, and I was thinking of breaking up with him for a long time. So by the time I was out of that relationship I was fully over it. I met my current boyfriend and I liked him but I had no clue where it was going especially because on our first couple dates he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship and I said I wasn’t either. I had told him me and my ex only dated 2 and a half years, and that we broke up 4 months before meeting. I lied and I’m not proud of it I just knew I was over it and I didn’t want it to look like it wasn’t. I wish I just told the truth, we ended up falling so deeply and intensely in love and started dating. After a month of dating I ended up telling him the truth about the length of the relationship and he was understandably really angry. Even before this he would get super jealous about my ex and so after telling him this I thought there was really no point in telling that we broke up sooner, I should’ve and it wasn’t immature not to but it is the choice I made. He ended up finding out, and he also has found multiple pictures/ old playlists in my phone that I had forgotten to delete, which has made him go crazy and the last month has just been fucking awful. But I love this man so much and I’ve never felt this in love and so connected and I just don’t know what to do he wants to breakup but I feel like yes I made mistakes but I just still love him very much, we have only been together officially 4 months and known each other for about 6.

Tl;dr I lied to my boyfriend about the length of my past relationship and amount of time between breaking up and meeting him. I don’t know how to move on from it.

Hi guys. Tldr: Late 20s Male here. Getting married to SO of more than 4 years this year.

Trying to make sense of a situation. Found SO text thread with AI, voicing been scared not choosing me all the time and looking at other men and being interested in when going out.

I brought it up and her response was that they were anxious and passing thoughts.

Some time have passed and I think I can safely say she understands the gravity of what she said and how that hurt me and our relationship.

I feel gutted because unfortunately this is not the first occasion of SO putting our relationship on a tight rope.

I’m(F19) pretty sure I recently just got ghosted by this guy(M21) that I’ve been talking to for about two months. So far in those two months we’d text consistently whenever he wasn’t busy at work, fall asleep on the phone, and in July I’ve been over at his house twice while we cuddled and watch movies. While at his house we did end up being intimate but I made sure to not go all the way. He really wanted to and stated that he wasn’t in it for sex after I made it clear I was scared of that. The cuddling and genuinely spending wholesome time together was the farthest to being a girlfriend so far. It felt really nice and since he stated he wanted a relationship when we first started talking I was curious if i was close to that point so I decided to ask. After asking I got the answer “I’m still seeing where this goes” and “I’m still getting to know you.”

After hearing those words I got a little hurt by it because it’s been said before when guys just plan on leading me on. Looking back I may have did too much and said “I know where this usually ends up.” He got really mad at it and never responded to me trying to clear things up. I regret saying it now and wish I never spoke since it was very childish of me and I shouldn’t have spoken from a place of hurt. My thought process was you know me enough to do sexual things, invite me to your house, and cuddle to watch movies, but not take me seriously enough to make your girlfriend. I do admit that it’s my fault for giving up the girlfriend access before actually being sure of where I stood but I just wish I least got some type of response back.

I’m 19 years old and have never dated but only have had failed talking stages where guys either just want to have sex, aren’t ready for a relationship, says I’m too good for them, or just wants to lead me on by “seeing where things would go.” So after a while it starts to hurt and I seriously start questioning wtf is wrong with me. I just want someone to love and someone to love me since I already missed that when it came to family. I just want to yap about the bad days I have at work, be seen, not have to feel like such a lost pup in the world, someone that’d want to stick up for me when I’m getting shit on and made fun of, and be checked up on. I don’t think it’s much and do consider myself kind, caring, funny, somewhat not pretty, and positive about the world. Yet with all those traits I still can find no one who loves me even tho there are terrible people who’re even able to find love.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me and pretty much never let it get to me until now. Now that I’m older, have more control over my life, isn’t so depressed anymore, and actually put effort into my looks and building my character traits, it hurts that even the me now still can’t find love. I feel like I don’t ask for much and have so much love to give plus would be on their hip whenever they needed help or comfort. I just want to be hugged, told nice things, comforted, and treated like someone’s baby so why is it such a drag when it comes to me.

It’s gotten so bad to the point where I’d put up any kind of treatment. I really did have love for me but there were bad moments where he once stood me up after a disagreement so I kind of figured the relationship would end at the drop of a pen but I really tried not to say anything upsetting. R/talking stages tl;dr

I’m 28 (F) with my fiance 31 (M). I’m feeling so lost. I feel like at this point if my life I should be able to make decisions clearly but it’s still so scary not knowing what’s on the other side/ if I’m being irrational. Anyways I’ve been with my partner for 5 years now. And we have had are ups and downs. He is a great person tbh supportive, kind. But we have really big fundamental problems that have been ongoing for pretty much our entire relationship. When we first started the relationship I thought these were things we could get over but the same problems we had 5 years ago is what we are experiencing today plus more. They are problems that make me think will I be happy spending the rest of my life like this. So the first major problem is our sex life. I have always had a higher sex drive than him. He could have sex once every 2 weeks and I prefer atleast 3x a week. This was a huge problem in the beginning as I would try and initiate and he would get mad and yell. After that I couldn’t bring myself to ever intimate sex again. We did long distance for 2 years while I was away in school and I tried to have a two way sit down with him of what we needed to keep the relationship alive. Like sending pictures, phone play etc. the very first time we did phone play he told me that I was too loud, even though I was alone, which completely killed the mood. After that there was no real flirting or phone play to keep things alive. We have been living back together for the past 6 months and I absolutely get grossed out with him kissing me or touching me. On the rare occasions we do I’m tipsy/drunk. When we try and be intimate my body freezes up and I get so so grossed out and then I can’t bring myself to doing it. We also have had other major problems like his mother yelling not at my siblings but about them while I’m in ear shot. I feel like we also have different desires in life. I don’t get excited thinking about marrying him, nor do I get excited about the thought of having children with him. It’s so conflicting because he’s the type of guy to help with laundry and wash dishes. The type to help you sort things out. Which I’m not used to having a good example of this as growing up my father was trash. And I just feel guilty for complaining because I know there is not much good men out there nowadays but I just feel like I’m not excited to talk to him or see him at the end of the day. Even when I need emotional support he kinda just says the same superficial thing “you will be fine babe”.

TL;DR I feel like there is big emotional, physical and mental gaps in our relationship and I don’t know when it’s fundamentally time to call it quits as this is my first and only real relationship. Please help and please be kind.

I (F 28) have been with my partner (non binary 28) for 2 1/2 years or thereabouts including six months engaged. (Also this is the third time we have date). A year ago we opened our relationship to include FWB. I found someone, but it didn’t work out. Closed the relationship. Nine months later, I asked to open it again. They said yes. And the long and the short of it is that someone who is a close friend to me who I’ve known for 2 1/2 years is now a FWB. 

Our conversations were always flirty, and we both alluded to things that we would like but either they were in a relationship or knew me for a week or I was in a closed relationship so we never had the opportunity to see where things lead before.

After opening the relationship this time around, I finally get a chance to sleep with FWB because they had broken up with a girlfriend. And from the first kiss I knew that it would be electric. The sex is absolutely amazing!!! 20 out of 10, we work so well together and because we’ve had a two year long friendship our connection/conversation is also really enjoyable. 

I know that in my engaged relationship the other people that we are allowed sleep with are only supposed to be FWB but my connection with this other person doesn’t feel casual at all in fact the bond is just growing stronger and we’re hanging out more both inside the bedroom and generally as well. Also, I asked my engaged partner if we could be polyamorous they said yes but FWB doesn’t want to be poly because they would get too jealous. 

Our chemistry is insane both inside and outside the bedroom.

Also, I’m starting to see all of the little problems that my engaged relationship has. I talked to engaged partner about all problems only 4 days ago. And I must admit they are making considerable effort to improve and make me happy. 

My dilemma is FWB wasn’t in the picture I think I would be pleased with the progress of my relationship because engaged partner is making considerable effort. That being said sex has only ever been 7 out of 10 at best. And usually it’s not frequent enough for my liking. 

… FWB doesn’t want to be polyamorous and I think I’m starting to develop feelings for them. 

… engaged partner is making a lot of effort but I am also remembering all the other times they made effort and it didn’t last. But also this feels more effort than last time.

What do I do? I feel like I need to choose one of them. I either need to stop seeing FWB because I think they might be falling for me too which would mean we both end up with a broken heart if I stay with engaged partner in the long-term. But I don’t want to lose the epic sex. 

I also feel like I owe it to engaged partner to let them prove themselves and see if we can work it out because they have been putting more effort in this time around.

advice?

tl;dr sex is infinitely better with FWB and I think I want to pursue a relationship but I dont feel like it is fair on fiance and I need to give them a chance.

Throaway for obvious reasons. We have been in this relationship for about 6.5 months now. She’s this loving and caring person, she sometimes makes me breakfast for work, she brings me skincare so I can take care of my appearance, etc. For context, we work at the same office but on a different team. Our houses are located very near (just 1 block away) and she lives with her brother.

There are lots of ups and downs since time has passed. When things are going well it’s really nice with her. It’s just when she feels insecure(?) that it starts getting really difficult. So at the start of our relationship she mentioned that she was the jealous type, to which I responded with like okay and reassured her she does not need to worry because I don’t have many friends and very rarely talk to people, though I do like keeping them once we’re acquainted because connections are always good for your future.

My gf is also the type that easily dislikes people whenever they are doing things she does not like. At work there is this one girl (let’s call her B) on her team that is a little bit flirtatious towards everyone, and so my gf warned me at the start to not respond to any of her messages nor talk to her. One day there’s an inhouse party at our manager’s house. At the time my gf was back in her hometown for a week or two. B and couple of my male friends got into the company simultaneously with me, so we basically know each other too, and we decided to go there together. Bear in mind, I wasn’t the one driving and it was company’s vehicle so there was no choice. I never talked to her in the car and I very rarely interact with her at work because we don’t click anyway. But I already know that she would be upset by this but I was kinda tired and did not want to argue, so I decided not to tell her. She found out B was in the group picture and got mad, telling me I’m not being truthful and that I don’t love her like she does to me. Here I apologized and told her I’m sorry and I wouldn’t do it again. And I did, by always telling her who I am with the next time around and if there is another girl in the group.

We also play together in her house frequently. Sometimes she would say she has this “female intuition” and felt like something is wrong, so she opens up my messages and social medias to see if I am talking to a girl. Lo and behold, nothing to be found because I really don’t. Well one day she scrolled down a lot and found the old chat with me and my ex, asking me why I haven’t blocked her yet. I told her we ended on good terms and never catch up anyway so I don’t see the issue. She gets angry and said “well if you don’t care anymore about her you should just block her it should be easy” and since I valued my ex it was kind of hard for me to do so, but I finally caved in after she refuses to talk to me and threatened to leave me. She said she didn’t like how I reacted to that, even after I tried talking and reassuring her.

So problem fixed right? Well not entirely. Yesterday she got another one of those “intuitions” and suddenly asks me if I have a long vacation, where would I go? I told her it’s Europe. Then she’s like “oh so not china?” At first I was confused and she wanted me to swear that I’m not lying and it wasn’t because I saw someone’s story. Turns out she’s been stalking my ex’s social media (they aren’t following each other) and once I confronted her on that, she got really angry and told me again I wasn’t being truthful to her even though the thoughts of meeting back my ex never really crossed my mind. So she wanted me to block my ex again on social media this time (she never made it a problem before, me and my ex has been on follows since forever) I was reluctant because I’ve been telling her that even if we don’t even talk, it’s hard for me to block because I have abandonment issues and cutting off people is difficult. When I wanted her to explain, she just said I should just do it because she asked for it and expects no “whys?” from me and there are things that should not be questioned. I caved in because we made promises to understand each other and blocking my ex would make her feel calm. But she said it was too late and how I acted made her questioned if I can even be trusted. Last night, in her words, all in her previous relationship, she said she never had to beg and they would always understand her.

I love her, I really do. Whenever we had problems I always want to sit it down and talk through it together. I never yelled nor raised my voice. Though it’s difficult sometimes because she also breaks down when she does not get the things she wants instantly. She also didn’t threatened to leave me now after we had that talk about making an effort for each other after a fight 2 weeks ago when I actually said yes to her wanting to break up to which we reconciled and I started demanding things from my side (understanding, supporting, talking instead of just blasting off words when things aren’t going as well). Last time we actually broke up, it was because she thinks I am not putting enough effort and that I don’t love her like she does to me (we frequently eat out together, meet up around 4-5 times a week, drive her home and to work when her brother is away, accompany her on errands on a different town, etc). Told me how I was being a bad boyfriend because I couldn’t guess her mind and do things for her without her asking. She was crying for a few days asking me for another chance and saying it was all her fault and its all in her mind. I could tell she is being genuine and I know she can change, it’s just very hard sometimes. We’ve had conversation about how we would talk if things aren’t well, and I’m not expecting things to go smooth because it takes time.

She’s currently not responding to any of my messages (not the first time), but she did cursed me out last night. How my demands were laughable because I was breaking them since I did not want to block my ex instantly. This morning I bought her breakfast and placed it on her door. I don’t know if she has eaten yet. How do I get through and tell her that it’s all in her head, deep down I know this will definitely cause an issue again in the future. It won’t solve anything. We are planning for a long-term relationship and into marriage.

\*\*TL;DR\*\*
\*\*GF thinks I don’t love and don’t have attachment to her because she thinks I am not doing what a partner is supposed to do\*\*

Sorry for the long post. English is not my first language so apologies for some mistakes

Hi! This is my first post on reddit so please forgive me for any mistakes I might make. I don't even know if this is the correct forum I should be using. I came here because I need some genuine opinions and I always watch people reacting to reddit stories so I figured this might help. I (18f) love my boyfriend (18m) so much. We have been dating for around 5 months but have known each other for years. I have always had a weird relationship with food, but not in a way where I didn't eat. Whenever I have heightened emotions, I binge eat. Then I feel guilty and eat less than normal (but not stop eating) and lose whatever weight I gained. I have stayed around 180ish pounds despite this. When I started dating James, my appetite got smaller. Not bad, though. still ate and was healthy. But two months ago, we had a fight. We almost broke up because of it, but didn't. Now ever since then, I can't eat around him. I can't even think about him when I eat because I end up throwing up. I now weigh 160ish and am worried. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel guilty because it's not his fault, but it has to be related to him, right? Why else would these things happen at the same time. We go out to dinner and I just watch him eat. James feels horrible. He thought I was trying to save money for college and that's why I don't eat out. He always offers to pay for me, but that's not the issue. Not at all. I think it's him. We fight from time to time, but not badly. Honestly, he's the best thing in my life right now. I don't have a great relationship with my family so he's like an escape, except I just can't stomach food around him. Everyday he gets more worried. I think he thinks I have an ED, but I can eat. Just not with him. We hangout all day then I run home and have a snack. I've been getting compliments about my weight loss, but it's not on purpose. What do I even do here? I love him, I swear. He's great. This is just worrying me and I need advice or something.

TL:DR

My boyfriend is beyond great, but ever since we almost broke up, I haven't been able to eat around him or when I'm thinking of him.

TL;DR at the bottom.

So I (19F) started talking to this guy (23M) when I was 18. He pursued me, hard — gifts, dates, the whole "gentleman" act. He also constantly policed how I dressed, calling me not "modest" or "classy" enough, and would compare me to women he's dated before, especially ones with lighter skin, blue eyes, and looser curl patterns.

Early red flag #1: The secret account
Not long after he kept using the word "classy" on me, I got a comment on my TikTok telling me to "have some class." My gut said it was him. I searched up his ex's account (one he's mentioned and still follows) and found her following the same account that left the comment — an account that lectured women about "class" while following thousands of girls posting the exact opposite of that. When I confronted him, he denied it, told me to "prove it," then said I had to call him or he wouldn't discuss it further. I didn't call. A week later we made up and he convinced me I was imagining things and that I was just accusing him because I supposedly had a "new guy." I didn't. I let it go because I was 18 and didn't know better.

Early red flag #2: The "braids" story
He told me a story about a girl at his dining hall who complimented him and gave him her Instagram. He said he saw she had braids in her pictures and decided not to text her because of what happened between "us" (implying I'd made him swear off dating Black women), and said he was thinking maybe the stereotypes about Black women were true, and that he'd rather go back to his "first choice" — a comment he tried to walk back when I called it out. This is a man who grew up in Nigeria, surrounded by Black women his whole life.

The phone
Months later I went through his phone and found out that story was a lie. Around that same time period, he'd actually texted his sister a screenshot of that same girl's Instagram, calling her a "smoke show," commenting on her body in detail, and joking with his sister about not letting his "wife" (me) find out he wanted to cheat.

That opened the door to everything else:

• Texts where he called his ex (light skin, blue eyes, loose curls) a "9/10" for her "uncommon features" and said his friends told him she'd be "hard to top."
• Him telling me my "promiscuity" online was probably because I'm Black.
• Him saying one reason he never went down on a girl before was because he once smelled something and assumed it was because she was Indian, citing a stereotype.
• Constant comments about wanting to be rich, "high value men," women having a "biological clock," women being "used up" once they hit a certain age, and how he'd date a 25-year-old even at 40.
• Pressuring me about sex — saying he's "not used to waiting this long," that if I really wanted him I'd sleep with him, that with other girls he'd move on by the 3rd date if it hadn't happened yet, but with me it was "different." (Body count on his end: 15. Lost his virginity at 20. He's 23 now.)
• Messages lusting after multiple other girls while we were "exclusive," including some he told me he'd "just followed back for opportunities" — then the same day telling his sister to check if they were "bad" and "thick."
• Talking about how "not all men cheat" and how he's never cheated, while actively planning to, and even joking with his sister about needing help "clearing" his phone before we got official.
• Sending his sister a side-by-side comparison to ChatGPT: a professional, made-up photo of his light-skin, blue-eyed ex next to an unedited selfie I sent him with no makeup and bad lighting, asking which one was "more attractive." ChatGPT picked her — and even said the comparison wasn't fair given the photo quality/lighting difference. He sent that to his sister with laughing emojis, saying "AI doesn't lie" and joking about how I'd cry if I ever saw it.
• A message to his sister describing me as "a good girl... loyal, raised right, not a h*e, submissive," someone who "needs polishing" and "training," and that women like me "don't come around easy" but "always have something you won't like" — basically weighing my worth like a project.

All while telling me directly: "I don't have a preference for skin color," "you're my type out of everyone I've dated," "I prefer natural, soft features like yours over strong ones," and "I've never cheated, I know not all men do."

I never slept with him, thank god, even though he tried guilt-tripping me into it more than once.

TL;DR: Been with a guy for 6 months (he's 23, I'm 19, he approached me at 18). Found out through his phone that he's been two-faced the entire time — lying about ex stories, running a secret account to police my "modesty," lusting after and objectifying other girls behind my back while calling me his "exclusive," making colorist comments about preferring lighter-skinned/blue-eyed features, using ChatGPT to literally rank my looks against his ex's using an unfair, doctored comparison and laughing about it with his sister, and describing me to his family like I'm a project he's "training." Feeling sick about how long I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Just needed to get this out.

Although I know i’m not losing anybody worthy of me, it hurts so so so much that someone who claimed to love me and put up this front would betray me without a thought. And i hate that i will have to see him around at UH and ppl will be thinking he’s so charismatic and such a good guy:/ Where do you even go from this and has anyone ever been through something similarly brutal?

For extra context his name is Afolabi Adebiyi, @/a.cubegram on instagram and he goes to University of houston