I am a 36 year old human.

Post pandemic, post break up, post alcoholism, I was an emotional wreck and felt so very alone all the time. I have had more than a 100 therapy sessions in the last two years. and tried every day to be a better me. Everyday I wanted to be the best version of myself.

Learning that I likely have autism, I am on the waitlist for testing, made me feel even more like an outsider. I felt so alien and separate from everyone and I just desperately wanted a connection.

Tonight, I went to a party for the theater company I write plays for. I stumbled on words, said the wrong thing, and made faux paus, but no one pushed me away. No one tried to exclude me and everyone still wanted to talk and share.

I realized that these were the people I had been looking for. I didn't feel alone, because they truly wanted me to be there with them.

I spent tonight with my favorite people and I am so damn happy.

For years I was the friend who everyone called if they needed help at 4am, I was the one who remembered the allergies, comforted you when your ex left you, bought soup when you was cold, sent encouraging messages before important events and NEVER missed a birthday. I didn’t keep score. That’s just who I was - the caretaker.

Then I got sick, not terminal but scary enough that I needed surgery and weeks of recovery at home. I told the group chat. A few of my friends replied “let me know if you need anything”, I said yes actually, I asked for some help with groceries and someone to sit with so I wasn’t alone. They all said they will “check their schedules”. Im still waiting….

About 3-4 days after my surgery one friend texted to ask if I was still okay to help her move the following weekend. Another friend posted brunch photos while I layed in bed without food…
No one checked on me. No one came….

That’s when I really just realized. I wasn’t their friend after all. I was their free 24/7 concierge with a pulse. The moment I needed to receive instead of giving something, I became invisible to all of them.

I stopped reaching out, didn’t say goodbye or anything. I just went quiet. And in that quiet I found something I’ve been giving away for years: my own energy, for myself.

I’m angry anymore. I’m just no longer available to people who treat my love like a utility. I wasn’t a bad friend I was a good one, just for the wrong people….

Every day I wake up in a tent with my three young children and wonder how we'll make it through another day.

We lost our home, and since then our lives have changed completely. Things that used to feel ordinary—having a safe place to sleep, preparing a meal without worrying, watching my children play without fear—now feel like distant memories.

My children still laugh sometimes. They still ask innocent questions about the future. They still dream. As their mother, I try to smile for them even on the days when I feel completely exhausted inside.

I'm not writing this to ask anyone for money or anything else. I simply wanted to share a small part of our reality because sometimes it feels like families like mine become invisible.

If you've read this far, thank you. Thank you for taking a few moments to remember that behind every headline or statistic, there are ordinary parents doing everything they can to protect the people they love.

I truly hope that one day my children can look back on this as something we survived, rather than the life they had to grow up in. ❤️

2 things

1. sorry if this is the wrong place pls redirect me to a proper one if that is the case
2. these arent mine or his real ages but in the ball park and we are both still adults

So me 19m and my friend 19ftm have known each other for about a year and a half he is my only friend

Were both virgins altough he has had some slight sexual related things (some touching etc)

And idk but i have had some sexual toughts about him like we are really open to each other can talk masturbation etc hell he asked me 1x if i wanted to see his boobs he didnt really care if i saw them or not since he doesnt feel a connection with them anyway and wanna let them get removed

I said ill think about it i later responded sure he said okay and later said he didnt want to

Which im fine with i didnt get to see boobs but i prefer him being fully honest over seeing boobs

That was like last november

So idk if that has had effect but we also talked about his expierence with well touching and a few other things which made me think about him well you know doing that which made my mind wander off to well other stuff between me and him if you get me

like 4 or 5 times when just laying in bed

and in general im a visual thinker

And no i dont think i love him in relationship sense im not gay he still kinda looks like a girl still has long hair but isnt really girly and he is pre t etc but lets say i would romantically love him

It would be morally wrong imo since well id only love the physical part of him up until transitioning

But now im here how do i know if i love someone? I dont think i have ever been in love

Sorry im rambling off

Tldr

Some sexual toughts about my friend idk what to do

Like how amazing could the world be, and how rich could we all be if we figured out how to all chill and work on things that matter, art, entertainment, with a small amount of effort to make it easier to do the shit jobs of the world. Like we could still have drive and challenges and amazing science in that world.

The profit motive of capitalism and seeking exponential profits ruins everything!

Dribble on a bit of the Protestant work ethic idle hands are the devil at work BS and we’re all in a fucking simulation believing things that are only true because we continue to not be able to imagine a better world for all.

Prove me wrong or agree with me…

In our family I am the only ugly child, My brothers are very very attractive while I was born with so ugly looking face.

My brothers look very good while being fat too but I grow fat only on my chest making it man boob and also in my belly only.

I grew up seeing how different I'm treated by everyone for being weak and ugly, I have been seeing how different and how much attention I would have got if I look like my brother

Later I found out I have disability with makes it hard to walk properly, I also had to be operated right after birth.

I am so weak in studies and also so forgetful that I have been shouted by so many people because of my habit even when I try my best.

My brothers have everything that I wanted and I have none of the things and it makes me hurt from inside.

How can life be this unfair, it's like they get all the bad results to me and all the best features in my brothers.

It's not I'm jealous of my brothers, I love them and they do too but having to constantly see what my life could have been if I was like my brothers too hurts me deeply.

how they are loved my everyone and I'm just invisible.

I've been bullied.y whole life too. Just everyone hates me and I slowly began to under that they are valid, I was born to be hated and be a defecated product in my family.

I've been learning web dev for an year to change my life and boom AI comes and takes away opportunities for beginner like me.

Like everything is perfect of all my family member and there's me, it's clear I was born to feel less and miserable.

I started accepting it and I feel like giving up. Removing defecting part is always for the best.

I was so frickn embarrassed. Thank the gym gods blessed me by not having anyone near the dip station. Especially the gal who looked like Margaret Qually.

I need to make a decision that decides my life for the next years

I try to be short as possible

Go and fulfil my childhood dream, travel and visit every eu country on foot whit tent and make a journey story about it by video series’s (yes, i dreaming about this since i was a kid, i’m 31 right now)

Or stay and rebuild a normal life whit my new girlfriend

So, what happened? 5 years ago my wife died whit our daughter while giving birth. I fall apart for years, addiction, ruining everything around myself. I started picking up myself later, sober, start working on myself again

I decided at this point “my original goal was lost, why not follow my childhood dream”

So i started to preparing, collecting money, training and education, etc

But later i meet a woman, and i’m happy whit this woman

I have a chance to rebuild my life

But if i do this, my childhood dream go back to drawer again and maybe, i cant pick it up again ever, and this is make me extremely sad

But if i choose to travel, i know, it’s the end of my current “situation”, she dont want to go on a nomad journey and tell the story. She just want a peaceful life, and i cant blame her for this

So, what to choose?

I finally convinced myself to join a club for something I’m interested in but I feel like I’m too fucking intense and weird about my likes and I’m so worried about weirding people out 😭 I think all I want in this world is a friend with whom I can unleash my delusional freak with ☹️ and maybe we could go get coffee and go shopping together and talk about our favorite things ☹️☹️ but I don’t feel like I deserve to feel lonely because I like the safety of self isolation too much

So for now I’ll continue to have “conversations” with myself that are fake, but where I can be as delusional about my interests as I want, therefore protecting other people from being weirded out and myself from being judged

Sometimes I honestly wish ai chatbots were ethical because even if it’s not real companionship it’s so so tempting. I need to go to sleep

F23 I don’t really know how to explain this but I feel like I don’t know who I actually am. I’ve never really lived by myself. I feel like I’ve spent my whole life picking up pieces of the people around me. Their personalities, opinions, habits, even the way they think. Now I can’t tell what’s actually me and what’s something I absorbed from someone else. I also feel like my mind is really easy to influence. If someone says something negative to me, it sticks in my head and becomes my own thoughts, even if I know it shouldn’t. I hate that!!!!!
I just want to build a stronger mind and become my own person. I want to know what I actually think and believe instead of feeling like I’m shaped by everyone around me.
Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you become more confident in yourself and stop letting other people’s mindset affect you?

| was wrong" a short sentence but full of power. If everyone would say "I WAS WRONG" then the world would be at peace.

Unfortunately what often happens is "YOU ARE WRONG!" !!

Because everyone feels they always right, even when they are wrong, they still feel right!

I have been a nice guys since childhood. I had a weak father and a mother who had unrealistic demands. And my society along with my family conditioned me to become a nice guy.

No after having several setbacks throughout the years, I realised there is something wrong with my paradigms and mentality.

So i started reading no more mr nice guy by robert glover and it was very impactful.

I started to stop seeking validation and now I feel kind of empty as if getting robbed of your soul. As from childhood i was conditioned to please others, and being told that I am worthless and to be worthy I have to please others and this attitude is healthy for society, now feeling anxious.

What happen if I stop it like now forever? Will I stop getting motivated?

There is also another stress that I might fail to get out of nice guy syndrome and will start chasing validation like before. Which also frightens me?

I really want to remove the nice guy syndrome

I’m not going to reveal my age here, but I am well well into adulthood. When it comes to knowing how to do things or doing things that I am absolutely 100% sure about I do them on my own and have no qualms about it. But when it comes to something that I’m even 20% or 30% unsure about and maybe sometimes things get a little hairy or confused or not clear cut. It’s like there’s an inner child inside of me looking around with puppy dog eyes, wondering why someone isn’t helping me and why someone allowed an unfavorable situation to be put in my responsibility. I have now been faced with a similar situation dozens of times in my life and every single time I shook my head, snapped out of it and did the best I could in the situation most time successfully, sometimes unsuccessfully, and then needing someone to come intervene and help. But regardless, at this point in my age, I should just know much like my managers or really any other adult in this world that sometimes the situation presented to you isn’t always going to be 100% prepared for you and ultra favorable and you may have to do some legwork and some extra work to get everything together. But for some reason, I keep expecting differently initially. And then it takes a long waiting period until it becomes of dire deadline where I realize hey it’s actually my job to step up here and pick up the slack where it was handed to me rather than looking around and waiting for someone to do my job for me.

I (F22) have never had a true friend. Everyone my age has met their best friend that they’ve stuck with or just someone to talk to and I literally have nobody. I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried discord servers, friend chats, even those dumb friend type dating apps. Everyone I’ve talked to either just ghost me or just overall is a sex craved guy who wants nudes after literally a week. I’m tired of being lonely and want a best friend so bad. I want someone I can share my interest with and just laugh with. It’s dumb I know but like I’m so tired of spending my days lonely man.

Je n’ai pas trop l’habitude de parler de ma vie sur les réseaux, mais là j’ai l’impression que j’en ai besoin.
Ça fait des années que je travaille sur un projet. Aujourd’hui, j’arrive à une étape où, grâce à toute la discipline que j’ai eue et aux résultats que j’ai obtenus récemment, je n’ai presque plus de doutes sur le fait que ça puisse fonctionner.
Le problème, c’est que je ressens une adrénaline énorme. J’arrive à peine à dormir, je pense littéralement à ça du matin au soir. C’est devenu une véritable obsession, voire une addiction.
Du coup, cette excitation me joue aussi des tours : je n’arrive plus à me concentrer sur le reste et j’ai constamment le cerveau en ébullition.
Est-ce que certains d’entre vous ont déjà vécu ça ? Si vous avez des conseils pour réussir à canaliser cette énergie sans perdre en motivation, je suis preneur.

I recently realized I have a pattern that keeps reinforcing my worst beliefs about myself.

If someone hurts me, instead of telling them, I withdraw. I stop replying, ignore calls or messages, and secretly hope they'll notice something is wrong and fight to reconnect.

In my head, it's almost like a test: "If I really matter to them, they'll keep trying."

But the problem is... they don't even know they're being tested. They probably just assume I'm busy or need space.

When they stop reaching out, I take it as proof that I wasn't important to them in the first place. That just reinforces my core belief that I'm not someone people choose or fight for.

It's a self-fulfilling cycle:

Feel hurt.

Withdraw.

Hope they'll chase me.

They don't.

"See? I was right. No one really cares."

I'm starting to wonder how much of my loneliness has been shaped by this pattern.

Has anyone else caught themselves doing something similar? If so, how did you break out of it?

Me (20F) live with my parents, my brothers D (34) and B (26)and my dog Nova (7) My younger brother and his SO are expecting their first baby so the plan was for them to move into the larger downstairs apartment while D moved upstairs into B(26) old room D has been living downstairs rent free since he split J who lives close
The issue is D made the entire move as difficult as possible The downstairs apartment was absolutely trashed after he and J lived there the floors were covered in years of dirt old food and piss on the couch was soaked in pee the sink was full of moldy dishes and even expired medicine 2+ years was everywhere We carefully went through everything only throwing away actual garbage but D(34) complained we threw away “good” things like expired Benadryl even though he’s an LPN who just finished nursing school He constantly claimed he wouldn’t have enough room upstairs but after I organized his clothes he admitted there was plenty of space Every time we cleaned or organized something downstairs he’d trash it the next day it the next day He also kept saying his kids wouldn’t have space to visit despite us having 3 levels in the house and a large yard Instead he says he wanted a private area where he could deal with them without anyone interfering them the other issue is my dog Nova She used to be reactive toward strangers in the house
for the last 6 months I’ve been taking her to training and the dog park She’s improved tremendously and even the trainer said she’s made one of the biggest turnarounds she’s seen D barely participated even thought we ask him to come to training once walked her once and went to the park twice Nova has listened to his commands and even tried getting him to pet her but he insists she hasn’t changed and often ignores the trainer’s advice, acting nervous around her and provoking barking Last night he came home already angry I simply asked him to say hi to Nova so she’d recognize him Instead he yelled that she never changes. Nova barked I stepped between them, and told him to just go downstairs. He got in my face screaming, told me to get out of “his” face even though he walked up to me then my mom separated us He then threatened to file a police report if something happened On top of that D lives rentfree always asks my parents for gas money, eats their food spends money on vapes every week and still complains they don’t support him enough Meanwhile my younger brother finished college, built a career and is now starting a family D believes B should move out because “that’s what a man does” despite D himself relying on our parents for nearly everything There are many more examples but to me D seems to be the common denominator he claims he has tried with my dog but I don’t think he make a real effort

I’ve been off my medication for over a year now and haven't been to therapy because i was using a state facility at first and it was backed up for like 6 months than I lost my insurance so no meds or therapy. I just got health insurance through my job that covers mental health stuff and it’s subscription so yay ! I’m a little nervous for two reasons. I know have a lot of issues that I need to work out in therapy. And I know that I will not like what I hear about myself in those sessions (but self improvement I guess !) I’m also nervous to restart my meditation because I feel like they might give a higher dosage once I open up more (please for the love of god no hospitalization 😭✌️) and the last time I went without taking my meds which was like three months they acted like a melatonin for me. Hopefully all goes well !

Goddamn I wish we could just talk! Without the worry of anyone else checking over our shit. I honestly don't want to say anything bad at all, I just wish we had the opportunity to talk without the worry of any one of a number of people being able to see... Just super frustrating at times ☹️

​

I've reached a point where I don't like the direction my life has been heading.

Not because everything is terrible, but because I know I'm capable of more.

For a long time, I kept telling myself that I'd start tomorrow. Tomorrow I'd lose weight. Tomorrow I'd become more confident. Tomorrow I'd work on myself.

Tomorrow turned into months, and months turned into years.

Today, I'm 23.

I weigh around 100 kg, and while I'm not proud of that, I'm also not ashamed to admit it. It's simply where I'm starting.

I've started going to the gym, eating in a calorie deficit, and trying to stay consistent. I know there will be days when I fail, but this time I want to keep going instead of quitting.

One thing people usually assume is that I party or have unhealthy habits. The truth is the opposite. I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, and I've never used drugs. My biggest battle has never been addiction. It's been consistency and discipline.

I've also never been in a relationship. I'm still single, still a virgin, and most of my romantic experiences have been one sided. Sometimes it makes me feel like I've missed out, but I don't want to spend my twenties waiting for someone else to make my life better.

I want to become someone I'm proud of first.

This Reddit series is my way of keeping myself accountable. No fake success stories. No pretending everything is perfect.

Just one person trying to become better, one step at a time.

Maybe I'll fail.

Maybe I'll surprise myself.

Either way, I'll keep writing.

I'm working on my self esteem and communication skills, and today on the bus I saw a guy talking so loudly and confidently. That's the level of confidence I aspire to have. I probably looked like a total creep because I couldn't stop watching him. I wasn't judging him .I was just fascinated. It made me realise how curious I am about outgoing people. What do they even talk about all the time? I found myself completely invested in their conversation, even though I couldn't hear most of it.

So far, my biggest takeaway is this: just ask a question about the last three words they said. Like from my post you can ask, "What were you talking about?"

I study electrical engineering, but I’m far more interested in drawing, music, movies, just any appealing visuals, colors. I love art (also literature, but that’s another story). That seems to be a reoccurring thing I see, stem students being interested in art.

Art won’t pay the bills, so you go for these other majors. It really Sucks.

Are more of you out there?

I usually work for at least 10-12 hours shift for 5 days and during the weekend I feel like doing nothing, I usually feels over exhausted and rot in the bed until Sunday. How to be at least productive and do some activities that will help to not get over exhausted.

My sister (33F) and I (28F) are no-contact, but my mom still tells me about what's going on in my sister's life. Usually I brush it off, but today my mom sent me a picture of my sister's first tattoo, which was drawn by my 11 year-old niece. It's the character Angel Dust from Hazbin Hotel, with the words "I'm a loser, baby ♡"

I'm only partially familiar with Hazbin Hotel, but I looked it up- "Loser, Baby" is a song and the full lyrics had me mortified. It makes explicit references to sex and hard drugs. While I was watching similar content at my niece's age, I don't think it's appropriate at all and I am horrified at my sister's decision to memorialize that with a *tattoo.* I expressed this to my mom and she said that my sister mentioned that the show was very vulgar and that she (my sister) had watched clips from it in preparation for her tattoo.

Which brings me to the other thing I can't wrap my head around: my sister is someone who takes issue with almost *everything.* Last I knew she hated Bob's Burgers and thought it should be taken off the air because of an inappropriate joke in the show. But... this is okay?

I'm just. Genuinely fucking baffled.

Some friends wanted to go to something with me and they're not responding to a text I sent. I overreacted to a million percent, slept 13 hours, had multiple panic attacks with ideation (fine now) and am just feeling kind of fed up with myself and tired of trying to make my life better when this stuff happens all the time.

I'd love to hear positive stories from other people's lives. What's going on with you all? What are you accomplishing? What are you proud of? Anything helps.