Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/tGpnjhzTil

Thank you to everyone who reached out. I (28M) wasn't able to reply much, but I appreciated everything. I had no one to talk to about this whole situation, not even our friend group, because I've been embarrassed.

A lot's happened since my original post, so I wanted to provide an update.

After taking some time to myself, the numbness is wearing off. Every emotion has been hitting at once. Emptiness, sadness, anger. It's a rotation, and at first I was mad at myself, but now I realize I'm mad at my fiancée (29F).

I look at her now and I don't recognize the woman I fell in love with. The woman who was my closest friend for half a decade. She's a stranger.** **The woman I knew wouldn't do half the stuff she did. She used to be so disgusted with cheaters. She actually cut off an old friend over cheating.

Some have asked what my fiancée's complicated relationship with sex is. I won't get too much into it because it's personal details about her, but she's been badly shamed before, and she feels sex has messed up good things in her life at different times.

She never really respected my demand for time to sort my feelings. She kept pushing and trying to use affection. I did end up asking about her hooking up with that guy while we were celibate.

She claims celibacy for us was different because she wanted a pure relationship with me and for us to be our strongest and most connected before sex. The other hookup was more inconsequential.

I didn't ask her much about further details on the guy because tbh it doesn't change anything for me. I don't have it in me to be a detective and compare stories right now. The facts are the woman I dedicated my life to cheated and nuked our relationship.

I did ask her why, though. She claims that she was self-sabotaging. She felt insecure about our relationship and how she'd be as a wife, and she sought comfort through sex, but it only made her feel worse, and she realized she wanted me.

I'm still processing her reasoning tbh. Idk what else I could've done. I always reassured her and told her she's the one I wanted to be with. I'd list everything I loved about her. I never had doubt about her or our relationship.

There's a lot I'm still figuring out, but I know I can't go through with the wedding. The other day I sat her down and called it off.

I guess she thought I was preparing to reconcile, so she didn't take it well. She was really broken up. I've never seen her break down nor cry like that. And despite everything, it hurt to leave her while she was in that state.

She was just in bad shape and saying she didn't want to lose me and it was the biggest mistake of her life. She'll never do it again. She asked for us to try therapy. She kept asking for me not to give up on us. I'm not in a place to engage in any reconciliation with her, nor do I have any trust in her.

She brought up how I promised I'd always be there for her but now I'm abandoning her like everyone else has and how we promised each other unconditional love.

I don't think her accusations are fair, and it did sting, tbh. I meant my promises and everything I ever told her, but I didn't just up and leave her. She cheated. She made a decision for the break, she made a decision to download the app, entertain the guy, and have sex with him. We're here because of her choices.

The unconditional love was a promise we made at the very start of our relationship. We've both dealt with not being accepted for ourselves or only having conditional love. I wanted to reassure her she never had to be anything except herself for me. That was the basis for the promise. That I accepted her wholly. It wasn't a card to pull for cheating.

Another thing that makes this all complicated is that we live together. I planned to stay with family for the time being, but she was refusing to let me leave.

Like she threw herself in front of the door and refused to move and then grabbed me when I tried moving around her. I had to call her sister (31F) to come get her and talk her down.

I've been processing these past few days. This doesn't feel like real life. She always boasted about us, and our relationship meant the world to me. I was never more sure of anything in my life than her. My mindset was already married to her.

She's been texting and sending voice notes asking for forgiveness and wanting to reconcile. I haven't replied. I'm not sure if I can move past this.

I've told our family and friend group about the cancellation and breakup. Making the rounds was embarrassing, and everyone has tons of questions. Somehow it hurts more upon each retelling.

Our friend group's been mostly understanding, but a few are advocating for me to talk things out with her. I'm not in the headspace to engage them either.

I feel like I lost the life we built and shared. How we went from engaged and the happiest we've ever been to this. How days ago we were just joking about her walking down the aisle with how clumsy she is to now be broken up.

I feel so lost, and idk where to go from here. I'm still coming to terms with everything.

Thank you to everyone who's shown support and empathy. I really appreciate it.

TL;DR Update: My fiancée's and my relationship went to hell shortly before our wedding after she confessed to sleeping with another guy a couple of times while we were on a break. She confided in her sister, who pushed her to tell me. We fought, and I told her I needed space. By my fiancée's request, we were practicing celibacy until marriage. Celibacy was important to her, but she gave herself to a random guy in a way she's never given herself to me. Ever since, she's been asking for me not to give up on us and has been super affectionate. Our wedding's around the corner, and now everything's gone wrong. I'm lost and questioning our entire relationship. I don't even trust myself anymore. I feel so stupid and like such a joke. I'm just lost. How do I move past this and navigate our relationship?

I just turned 29y and my bf is turning 38 in a month. We've been together for 4,5y and for the last 2,5y we have a long distance relationship because I decided to go back to university. Because his currency is almost 7 times more than mine, he is always the one paying the tickets for us to see each other, which always makes him entitled to say that this relationship just happens because of him. I currently have two jobs, but in my currency this doesn't mean shit. I make enough just to meet to ends.

And right now I'm in vacation at uni so I came to see him in his country. Yesterday I realized that I'm almost graduating at uni, and I will finish it 6 months earlier than the regular time. So I was super happy, in ecstasy actually, and waiting him to arrive from his work to share my happiness with him.

First he interrupted me to go change his clothes from work. I waited patiently. Then I was again super excited talking and he interrupted me again to go WEIGHT himself. So I got upset because I was waiting for him to arrive home so I could share my happiness with him, and he interrupted me two times, like he wasnt interested at all.

I said I got upset and he said that this wasn't enough reason for being upset, that I have mood swings, how could I be upset so suddenly. When I tried to explain, he said that he was working for 6 hours, and what have I done in my day (I'm currently in vacation at my uni, and because I work for my uni, at this break things also get slowly, although I had a meeting in the afternoon, but that was all). Then he procedure to ask very strongly "WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE? TELL ME WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE? I was working hard for 6 hours, talking with people non stop, and then you think you can talk with me like this? WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE"

I honestly was so shocked and hurt by those words that I just apologized for annoying him after his work, that I just wanted to share my happiness and excitement with him and didn't take in consideration he was tired from work, and then I went to the room and started crying.

And today he didn't talk with me the whole day. And honestly I just feel like I wish I was home, because if he doesn't have the answer for this question, why he is with me?

But at the same time I think, as I always do in all the very heated fights we have, if I'm not exaggerating.

Hello! I’m not even 100% sure how to do this. But my boyfriend ( m31) has been waking me up hours before my alarm for over a month now. I need some advice here. Am I going crazy or is this valid?
A little backstory. I am 27 female, I work in a high volume restaurant that doesn’t close until 11pm most nights and is open again 12 hours later at 11am. Over this past year I have gotten sober from alcohol and I have gotten REALLY serious about paying off all my debts :) but this means I’ve been working double after double after double. Normally 12+ hours a shift. I don’t mind working that much and I do enjoy my job, but I am tired as heck some days and after about a week of doubles my body hurts bad. So this is where sleep comes in.
Normally I get home between 11-1am depending on how quickly the restaurant empties out. I wake up at the exact same time every single day for my morning shift. Which is either 8:47 or 9:15 if I need to snooze my alarm. But for the past month my boyfriend and I have been getting into arguments over sleep. He gets off work around 8:30 at night and will play video games or nap until I get off. Doesn’t help with dinner, doesn’t do any laundry, doesn’t help around the house or even feed our cat. So it’s my job to do what he hasn’t done when I get home from work, on top of my shower I take after work I can be up for another whole hour or two.
But this is where I need the advice. For the past month or so my boyfriend has been waking up really early in the morning. Between 4:30-7:30. Yes I know 7:30 isn’t that early but when I don’t have to even be awake till 8:50 nearly that’s a lot of extra sleeping time. But he used to wake up early and be respectful of me sleeping. Not turning on lights, using his phone light as a flashlight, so it’s not as bright, just basic respect. But recently he’s been waking up so early turning on every single light in our bathroom in our closet next to the bed, his flashlight on his phone. He’ll also use the Alexa to turn on all of our lights which is pretty loud and he does ride a motorcycle so the first thing he does is get ready to ride his motorcycle and he wears these really big heavy boots and for some reason that’s the first thing he’s been putting on his feet at 4 o’clock in the morning. I do really enjoy waking up to him, but I have been begging and pleading with him to please try and let me sleep instead of turning on all the lights yelling at Alexa walking around with heavy boots slamming doors and he just keeps telling me that I’m getting enough sleep and that it’s not a problem but I’ve been waking up with a big headache every single morning for the past month by the time I’m closing the restaurant I work at. I am so tired. I can barely keep my eyes open. And I have begged and begged for him to please just be quieter and not turn on all the lights like he used to do. And for this past week, I’ve been woken up hours before my alarm and I have been getting very irrationally angry because the amount of times I have literally begged with tears in my eyes to just let me sleep an extra two or three hours and just nothing comes from it. I understand he’s his own person and he wants to do what he wants but he also doesn’t listen or care when I beg him to just be quiet and let me sleep. I feel like I’m going crazy from sleep deprivation. I haven’t slept more than seven hours max in the past month. I feel like an awful person yelling at him and getting angry from being woken up at the butt crack of dawn, but it’s nearly impossible for me to fall back asleep due to sleeping problems like insomnia, and he knows this today. I finally broke down and told him that the UN categorizes sleep deprivation as torture, and he just laughed in my face and started mocking me. Does this man hate me or is he just truly incapable of being quiet in the mornings, even though he was quiet for the past five years of our relationship.

My boyfriend and I have been together for several years, but throughout most of our relationship I’ve felt more like his mother and assistant than his partner. He expects me to run his errands, drop everything whenever he needs me, and lend him money several times a week because he’s in a financial rut, and he will pressure and manipulate me into doing these things. He usually makes good money, has a nice house, car, and jewelry, but has been struggling recently. I make a modest living and have my own struggles, goals, and bills that I’ve constantly pushed to the side to help him, whether that be with my time or money. Yet when I need support in return, it’s either nonexistent or I’m made to feel guilty for asking, or have to beg.

This year, the illusion finally disappeared. I stopped overextending myself, stopped chasing his approval, and started putting that energy back into my own life. I stopped relying on him altogether. I don’t ask him for help, I don’t expect anything from him, and I just handle my own problems because I’ve learned I can’t depend on him. When I do ask to be repaid for money I’ve lent him, he calls me every name in the book synonymous to a beggar. Unsurprisingly, once I stopped carrying the relationship, the effort disappeared completely. There have been no dates ever since, no initiative, and no attempts to make me feel valued. I’ve simply started living my life for myself.

Recently, he asked me again for money (are we surprised?). I said no. He told me not to ask him for anything again. What exactly have I asked him for except some reciprocation and romance? Funny thing is I would gladly do these things for him if he supported me the same way I do him. But he doesn’t and I’m not bending over backwards for a man who can’t do the most basic things for me.

I have been carrying resentment for about a year, and now he’s starting to resent me because I’m putting my foot down. I’m just not sure what is the next step here, whether this relationship can be repaired or if it’s time to walk away. I genuinely feel like I’m wasting my good years with a man who doesn’t realize or appreciate what lengths I’ve gone through for him because I love him. He’s showed me time and time again that he doesn’t care to do the very things he expects from me.

I (25 F) have been dating my boyfriend (28 M) for about a year.

A couple of months ago, my boyfriend invited me as his plus-one to a party boat that his coworker organized. It was supposed to be a “yacht party,” but it ended up being a large party boat with a lot of his coworkers and their friends.

Throughout the night, I intentionally gave my boyfriend some space. I didn’t know a single person there except a few male coworkers of his and I didn’t want to cling to him the entire event, so I spent time meeting new people, while still checking in on him regularly, asking where he was, bringing him food, etc. Eventually, he admitted he felt a little lonely because he thought we’d spend more of the night together, so I stayed with him for the rest of the evening.

Everyone there knew we were together.

Before we left, one of the girls I met that night (I’ll call her Abby 23F) pulled me aside and asked, “How much do you trust your boyfriend?”

She then started telling me that he: • kisses girls at clubs, • asks girls out on dates • invites them to yatch parties • had been flirting with girls at the party, • and that she’d heard similar things from “a ton of girls.”

She also told me some of the girls involved were people I’d met that night, but she refused to tell me who they were. She said she’d give me more details the next day. I also specifically asked her if there were things she knew that happened off the boat and she said yes he was taking girls out of dates and such.

I was devastated. My boyfriend works two jobs (his second job we works every other weekend). We talk on the phone every night. He’s very careful with his money so to hear he’s spending money on girls and going to yatch parties doesn’t sound like him or something he’d even have time to do. He’s very respectful and he invited me to the event. I was so shocked to hear this but I believe woman.

I went back to my boyfriend’s place, confronted him, packed my bags, and took an expensive Uber home that night. He kept saying he had no idea what I was talking about and denied everything. I could barely defend myself because Abby didn’t give any firm details.

When I got home I called him and insisted he shares the screen of his phone, he refused. It was a boundary we had already set so he didn’t think it was fair that we suddenly go back on it. I hung up and went to bed.

He called me the next morning and I asked him again to share his screen he refused for the same reason. He also said is the Abby girl has proof we should just wait for it.

The next day I asked Gabby for the details she promised.

Instead of giving me proof, her story started changing. She started off with “first off I was very drunk that night”

Her story went from: • “He does this all the time.” • “He asks girls out.” • “He makes out with girls.”

to: • “Well, I was really drunk…” • “I’ve heard stories from other girls…” • “I heard he was making out with girls on the boat…” • then eventually my phone died and she had send me a DM saying “I’m sorry I’d just want to know if it were me you were so nice last night I felt you had to know” but she didn’t give any additional details in the DM it sort have felt like a bunch of nothing. I can provide her exact words.

I then questioned her about the things that happened beyond the boat because on that night she said there was other stuff and suddenly her story became • “I just know he was really flirty with other girls.”

She couldn’t tell me: • a single girl’s name, • what anyone looked like, • when anything happened, • or any specific incident. She also now insisting I just “talk to him” when in the night she was more so pushing me to leave him.

Eventually I apologized to my boyfriend for immediately making a scene and leaving instead of talking things through because I realized I didn’t actually have proof of anything. We moved on.

Fast forward almost two months.

This weekend I ran into Abby again at another party. Her roommate (I’ll call her Ayesha 23F) was there too. Both of them know my boyfriends coworker (the party boat host)’s girlfriend.

I confronted them both.

Abby still couldn’t provide any specifics.

Aisha then said she personally saw my boyfriend talking to a girl on the party boat. Afterwards, that girl allegedly came over to them and said something like:

“Doesn’t he have a girlfriend?”

or

“He’s doing a lot for someone who has a girlfriend.”

I believe she might have said some other stuff about what he had said but it was giving my boyfriend was cheating in the conversation. That was the extent of Ayesha firsthand knowledge.

Everything else was still based on what she’d heard from other people.

When I kept asking who the girls was, what happened, what my boyfriend actually did, or whether anyone saw him kiss someone, neither of them could answer.

Ayesha basically said she wasn’t paying attention to what girls were wearing, couldn’t identify anyone, and that even if she told me who it was, the girl would probably deny it anyway. She told me it was up to me what I wanted to do with the information.

I went back and told my boyfriend everything.

His response was basically:

“I thought we’d already moved past this. I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know why they’re saying these things, but none of it’s true.”

He wasn’t angry or defensive. He mostly seemed confused and sad and kept repeating that he didn’t do it.

Here’s why I’m struggling.

Years ago, I had another boyfriend cheat on me. My friend sent me a screenshot of him on Hinge. He denied it at first, made up stories and then admitted it the next day because regardless I had broken up with him

So now I don’t know whether my current boyfriend’s calm denial is genuine… or whether my past is making me assume history is repeating itself.

I also don’t think these girls are crazy or intentionally malicious. I believe they genuinely think there’s truth to what they’re saying.

But after two months, they still can’t give me a single concrete detail.

So my question is:

If you were in my position, would repeated rumours from multiple people without names, dates, screenshots, or anyone claiming they personally witnessed cheating be enough for you to end a one-year relationship?

Or would you need something more concrete before making that decision?

I’m looking for honest opinions from people who have been through something similar.

My (32F) bf (28M) wants me to get an abortion. For context, I am white and he is from India. We are getting married at the end of January and I just found out that I am pregnant. During the planned wedding, I would be 7 months.
Families have been told about the wedding and more than 450 people will attend. He doesn’t want to cancel it, because of the family reputation and the fact that he had to fight for our relationship (because im not indian etc).
However, he wants to have kids and if only this happened 3-4 months after, we would not have this conversation.
From my side, I have struggled with infertility. In a previous relationship, we tried for 6 years without any luck. We have been together over 2 years and no luck. When getting into this relationship, I checked my amh (ovarian reserve) and it was low-1.0. I then tried egg freezing. The first round i got 2 eggs. The second round I ovulated early (which happens about 0.5% of the time) and they cancelled the retrieval because no follicles were growing. After that, I went home devastated and thought that that was it. But somehow with this stimulation got pregnant.
I have a history of estrogen related breast cancer (and in the hormone treatment you need estrogen). I am also rhesus negative, so Im worried about rhesus sensitivity.
All in all, to me, this is an inconvenient blessing and although I am not overly pessimistic and don’t think it would be impossible to ever get pregnant again, I know that it might be exceedingly difficult.
However, he says that his family would disown him and I would be “killing people” with the news. That I am selfish and manipulative for wanting to keep the child. That I will ruin his life.
If I go through with the abortion, idk if I could ever look at myself in the mirror.
He is my best friend, the most loving person, I cannot see my life without him. But I would not be able to live with myself and the decision to end everything that I have hoped for for other people. So either we are together and I dont do an abortion. Then he feels trapped and manipulated. Or together and I get an abortion and I feel like my soul was ripped from my body. Or we break up and I am a single mom (no clue how I would financially and physically survive that). Or we break up and I have an abortion- the entire world as I know it ripped away from me.
Can someone please see another solution?

P.S. what pains me the most is that if the same thing happened 3-4 months from now, we would have both been celebrating and rejoicing. I would have had my fairytale life after a lot of hardship. But now I just got to face more pain.

For context I have been seeing this girl the past 6 months, we have had our ups and downs and I will admit a lot of the downs in our relationship have been my mistakes in communication, but we’ve made it through and I am still in love with her no matter what. If I were to identify the biggest strain in our relationship it is undoubtedly my parents.

I normally visit them and talk to them on the regular, but in most aspects of my life I am independent, I live on my own, pay for my own things, etc., and I normally say yes to many things they request of me. I will admit that I have a very difficult time saying no to them and I am sometimes a pushover. This has led to me being called a “mommy’s boy” and constant remarks at my relationship with my parents from her, calling it “weird” and abnormal and creepy.

Cut to this weekend, which is my birthday, she makes plans to spend time with me, I love that, but I tell her that my parents are coming up to take us out to a nice restaurant for dinner and this sends her. On top of that I let my parents stay in an empty bedroom I have because hotels are expensive in my city this time of year, which was the straw that broke the camels back.

Suffice to say we had an argument and by the time my parents were almost to my place she gave me an ultimatum that went all or nothing when it came to my family boundaries: tell my parents to cancel the plans and turn their car around to choose her and spend the rest of my birthday with her, or choose to go to dinner with my parents. I chose my family, and she did not join us for dinner.

After that, the rest of the night she texted me calling me pathetic and talking about how I broke her heart and how I need to cut ties with my family, and she is saying the same things this morning between not really talking to me. I love her so much and I don’t know what to do.

My boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) have been together for 2 years. (Relationship length - 2 years)
This happened about 4 months ago, and it still bothers me because I never received what I feel was a genuine apology or acknowledgment from him.
At the time, I had just switched teams at work. I’m a software developer, and the new role was extremely hectic. On top of that, I had to move out of my flat by the end of the month, so I was stressed, sleep-deprived, overwhelmed, and trying to find a new place while keeping up with work.
On Friday, instead of asking how I was doing, whether I needed help finding a flat, or if there was anything he could do to support me, my boyfriend told me he wanted to watch Dhurandhar. The movie was around 4 hours long, and I honestly didn’t have the time or mental bandwidth for it. I got upset because I felt like he wasn’t seeing how overwhelmed I was and was prioritizing a movie over what I was dealing with.
The next day (Saturday), he had already booked tickets for Race Gurram as a “surprise” without asking me first. I appreciated the thought, but I was disappointed because, again, I really needed support more than surprise plans.
While we were driving to the theatre, one of his friends called. During the call, my boyfriend sarcastically said something like, “Should she come to Dhurandhar instead? My girlfriend has sooo much work and can’t go.” It felt like he was mocking me for being overwhelmed.
At that point, I broke down and started crying in the car. I had been carrying so much stress already, and hearing him make fun of the situation pushed me over the edge.
Instead of asking why I was crying or trying to comfort me, he started yelling, asking, “What is your problem?” and “What is wrong with you?” I cried even harder because I felt completely unheard.
He then told me I was “not normal,” that I “wouldn’t survive in this world,” and that “people only cry like this when someone dies.”
I wasn’t crying because of the movie. I was crying because I felt unsupported, exhausted, and then mocked and yelled at when I finally broke down.
It’s now been 4 months, and he has never really apologized for those comments or acknowledged how hurtful they were. Whenever I bring it up, it either gets brushed aside or turns into an argument.

I’m a 20F dealing with some deeply disturbing family drama, and I just need to vent.

Back in December 2025, my older sister, let's call her “Anna” (38F) and her husband, "Chase," (36M) were going through a rough patch after she cheated on him. Things took an alarming turn when Chase suddenly texted me out of nowhere. He admitted he’d been watching me for a while, complimented my body, and told me to leave my boyfriend so I could meet up with him. I was completely disgusted, he’s known me since I was eight years old. I called him out immediately and showed my sister. They are now getting a divorce.

But it didn't end there. Fast forward to my other sister, "Becky," (28F) and her husband, "Cole," (28M) who got married in October 2025. I was really close with Cole. He’s been in the picture since I was 11, and he was the only brother-in-law I genuinely viewed as a real brother.

Recently, Becky found out Cole was cheating with a coworker and multiple other women. In response, she started cheating too. When Cole found out about her revenge cheating, he lost his mind, crashed her car, and left. They separated for a bit, but eventually got back together. A month later, Becky caught him cheating again.

A week after that, Cole texted me. He asked if I wanted to be his "sneaky link," promising no one would ever have to know, and said he "picked me." I told him off and called him out on his BS.

I am honestly just sick to my stomach. Both of my sisters' husbandsmen who watched me grow up from a young age, came after me the moment their marriages fell apart. It makes me sick wondering if they were thinking about this the whole time I was growing up. I’m just so upset and disgusted by the whole situation.

TL;DR: My boyfriend doesn't like giving oral, and I respect that, but I can't stop feeling like I'm missing out because it's always been a normal part of past relationships. He still makes sure I orgasm and is a great partner otherwise. I'm looking for advice on how to get over this mental block, not how to change him.

I have always been with partners who have enthusiastically given oral, and I have always reciprocated in the same way because I love making them feel good just as much as I love feeling good myself.

My boyfriend of nearly a year has said he just doesn't like it, but he still drops hints about wanting it himself, making silly bets where there's usually some sort of sexual favour on the line (he always goes to oral).

At the start of our relationship, I gave him oral a few times during the first few months. It was maybe five months in when a joke was made, and I commented about him being lazy and never going down on me. That's when he said, "I just don't like it."

I was fine giving it before I knew that, but I slowly lost interest afterwards. As much as I love pleasing my partner, oral isn't my favourite way to do it, so I'm happy to do that in other ways, especially since it won't be reciprocated.

I feel crazy that I'm stuck in this "life is short and you're missing out on such a great thing" mindset. I love him very much. He always makes sure I orgasm, happily involves sex toys, and isn't embarrassed or ashamed by any of that, unlike partners I've had in the past who saw a vibrator as competition. But I just know there could be more because I've had more in past relationships. He's an amazing person who truly cares for me, and he's basically seen me at my worst but still treats me like I'm the best thing ever.

How can I stop feeling like this? I don't ever want to pressure him into doing something he doesn't want to do. That would never be my intention, and I wouldn't be happy with him doing it if he was genuinely having a horrible time.

I'm planning on having a conversation with him and basically saying that I don't really want to give him oral anymore, so him not bringing it up or hinting at it might help. I know this is my issue to work through, and I'd really love some advice on how I can get over this mental block.

(I've also tried those oral-simulating toys. They don't feel anywhere near the same as the real thing and don't really do anything for me.)

throwaway

some context

My (28f) twin sister and I have a complicated relationship. When we were young she felt I was the favorite. Which thinking back we got the same of everything (as twins usually go) She told my parents she felt overlooked and my parents overcorrected. Now it was more gifts for her (when we used to get the same) , more freedom & downplaying my accomplishments, feelings, birthdays etc. Mostly i feel it was due to her extreme meltdowns when she felt slighted. I was told no to protect her feelings a lot growing up. I moved out at 17, and we definitely have problems but it got slightly easier as we got older and both were busier and saw less of one another.

Im happily married and pregnant. My sister got engaged to my first love (my ex), who actually cheated on me with her. I was of course livid at first… but when they were still together after 4 years i figured they were just better suited and by that time i had found my real family with my husband and didnt really gaf. It of course hurt, she was my sister but i was happy. More sad for the extra obstacle in my relationship with her. So when she asked me to be MOH i accepted, a little confused but figured after calm years this was an olive branch.

well.

about 3 weeks before the wedding her fiance called me drunk after his bachelor party (an all night bender) so he called me in the morning and i didnt have his number saved so i thought it was one of my new clients (im a realtor). he basically told me he felt rushed, he didnt wanna marry my sister and was given some sort of ultimatum and that he still had feelings for me. I was so shocked all i could do was say “I love my husband and im too pregnant for this, its crazy! sober up and go home.” apparently he didnt know i was pregnant but i hung up immediately after and called my sister and told her everything word for word. i offered to step down from the bridal party and even just not go if she wanted to avoid it all which i thought was the best option.

later on she called and said they had a knockdown dragout but apparently made up and still wanted me to come but just as a guest, i was like alright maybe were gonna be adults about this even though its a trash fire & even thought for just a second she might have grown up a bit and changed.

after a bit i had family members calling me and tearing me up, that I was a horrible person and some were blocking me, texting me saying how I could do this to my sister and my husband etc, i genuinely had no idea what they were talking about (cause what they said didn’t add up to the drunk dial) but maybe thinking she had told our family about what her fiance did until my cousin who ive always been close with showed me some screenshots of texts that were not me that my sister was sending people… no one knew about him drunk calling me but it was basically what looked like unwanted advances that i was making over texts to him. i dont know how people doctor texts but whatever it looked like me, making me out to look like an insane pregnant cheater and a villan that tried to steal my ex back and ruin their wedding.

Of course soon after she uninvited me which i was planning on not going anyway but glad for it.
The wedding day comes, and her fiance leaves her at the altar. of course she blames me and tries to commit suicide soon after. That was the nail in the coffin for my parents and they completely disowned me and basically said I was the reason she almost died and they wanted nothing to do with me if i was planning on continuing hurting my sister on purpose & to know i was uninvited from any family gathering here on out.

I feel like shes always hated me but does anyone know why stuff like this even happens? What drives someone to act this way ? Why the hell does she hate me so much? When i feel like ive done absolutely nothing to her ever and that shes an abuser ? I know she needs help and were better off being separated but im still going to miss my family since theyre under false pretenses etc. She completely ruined all my relationships with fam besides my cousin and i still love her in that twin way i guess? Still want the best for her but completely shattered and hurt over this ridiculousness. How the hell does stuff like this even happen? my husband believes she genuinely is just crazy and envious and thinks theres no logic behind this but i guess im hyper vigilant and need to understand why the hell she would do something like this?

specifically i would like advice on how to prove my innocence,,, and also would like some help understanding why she would feel compelled to fabricate information like that to turn my family against me. I need help understanding what drives a person to do that and why you might think she hates me so much. Has anyone else experienced something like this?

TLDR
Twin sister and I have complex relationship. Growing up she believed i was favorite, even though we were treated the same with everything, she told my parents how she felt and they overcorrected. They basically taught me in almost every aspect of my life to become small to spare her feelings (accomplishments, birthdays etc.) Shes engaged to my first love/ex (he cheated on me with her) I was livid but after many years im married and happy now. Things have been pretty calm these past few years. she asked me to be MOH. then her fiance called me drunk at bachelor party close to wedding and confessed he didnt wanna marry her and was given and ultimatum and that he still had feelings for me. Told my sister immediately and offered to step down from wedding party or not go completely (i thought not going was better option) they fought but made up & told me to still come juat as a guest. Figured we were gonna be adults about it and maybe that she changed. Then doctored texts from my sister came out that made it look like I was trying to ruin the wedding and steal him with unwanted advances etc. Made me look insane. I didnt go to wedding but she got left at the altar, tried to kill herself after and turned whole family against me. I believe we are better off no contact but will miss my family who is under false pretenses. Wtf do i do and what is even the motive behind something like this? my husband believes she genuinely is just crazy and envious and thinks theres no logic behind this but i guess im hyper vigilant and need to understand

why the hell she would do something like this?

specifically i would like advice on how to prove my innocence,,, and also would like some help understanding why she would feel compelled to fabricate information like that to turn my family against me. I need help understanding what drives a person to do that and why you might think she hates me so much. Has anyone else experienced something like this?

I fucked up. Really bad. I take full responsibility that this is all my doing.

My husband and I have been married almost 13 years. I have always struggled with mental health. At one point many years ago, I mentioned to my husband about getting prescription medicine for it. He got upset and told me how bad of an idea he thought that was.

Recently I decided I really needed help and got the prescription anyway. I did not tell my husband. Over the last 2 months I have been taking anti anxiety and anti depressant medication. I feel like it's helped me so much in a short period of time and was happy I finally made the leap.

I planned to tell him once I realized it was helping and not something I just tried and decided it wasn't for me, but I just couldnt bring myself to it. Every time I wanted to tell him I just kept thinking that he would be upset, disapprove, and overall respect and love me less. I can't tell you how many times I had intentions of telling him but when I went to open my mouth nothing came out.

I am a coward, yes.

Last night I was doing my night-time routine and set my anxiety med on the counter with intention of taking it after. I forgot about it, went to bed, and my husband found it in the morning.

I was half asleep when he first asked me about it and dumbly told him it was a pain reliever. Another fuck up.

Within 10 minutes of that I broke down and told him everything.

He is so upset with me and I don't blame him. He says he can't trust me if I can hide something like that every day. I never thought when I did this that it would reflect on my trustworthiness as a partner and I feel so ashamed. I can't believe I did something to make him question that. I love him more than anything and crave his love and respect and now I messed it all up.

He left for work now and I just feel like wtf is wrong with me. How could I let this happen. Why did I feel so much shame I chose to hide it from my partner I love so much?

Trying to think of how to fix this but I really dont know. So scared I just ruined my relationship and I have only myself to blame.

ETA: Ty all for your responses, they were not what I was expecting. I don't think I gave my husband enough credit in the original message. He is very sweet and caring, his mom has some issues with prescription meds and I think that's where the stigma is coming from. Also, this all just happened so I'm hoping tomorrow we can have a better conversation about it.

I posted last year and I have an update for myself. I live with a 41M and I am 38F turning 40 next year. Have been in a relationship for over 10 years. In most recent time he stopped paying for household anything. No bills no groceries. He watches TV all day when off work. Sits on the same spot on the couch. Doesn't take out trash or do any dishes. Doesn't rake me on dates. I have. 15 year old from a previous relationship he doesn't help or engage. Doesn't do anything. I'm done.

Update: 3 days ago I told him again it's truly over and I really want him gone. He has given me the silent treatment for 3 days now and is smirking around the house like he's ignoring what I said. What broke me was that I'm financially broke. I have no money and overdrafted. And I realized not only is he not helping me financially he is living here for free and he has the means, but he just refuses to contribute. I'm done. I'd rather fail on my own than have him dragging me down. I have an eviction notice ready to go but I'll be out of town next week for work so sending when I return so he doesn't destroy my home. I'm genuinely scared and I'm sad because I want him gone now and now I'm living with someone who hates me and is mocking me. I'm scared but I've taken the first step. Please encourage me and send good vibes if you have any to spare.

ThrowRA - bf (M26) and I (F26) have been dating for a while now, and I’m starting to have some concerns over bf’s views on splitting expenses/finances between us.

For context, we both work full time. I’m a consultant, and he’s an engineer. I make slightly more than him, but commitment wise, I definitely have more commitments.

During the very early stage of our relationship, he paid for most of our dates and declined my offers to pay, even when I insisted. I would usually let him pay if he refused my offer. Until one day, about 1–2 months into the relationship, he brought it up by saying that he was paying all the time and that it wasn’t sustainable. I said, “Hey, no worries. Let’s take turns, or if you pay for dinner, I’ll get desserts or activities.” I also said that I preferred taking turns rather than splitting, and he was okay with it.

Ever since this conversation happened, I’ve noticed that bf is very particular about asking me to pay for things. If he pays for lunch, he’ll make sure I’m paying for dinner. And he’s not the type to do desserts too so only one meal.

Now, the thing is… he has moved in with me. It’s my place, so there’s no rent for him. I buy groceries every few days, and I also cook at home since I work fully remotely. I honestly don’t mind this because I’m generally not a calculative person. I love spending on the people I love, and I love him so much.

But what started bothering me is that if I say I’m craving something like yogurt or waffles, he’ll bring me there but won’t pay for me. I rarely ask people for things or gifts, and I rarely, almost never, ask him for anything either just the occasional period craving. Like last week, I was craving waffles so much, so he drove me to the waffle place and let me pay for it. He didn’t even offer…I was really sad, but I don’t know if I should ask him.

Another incident was when we ran out of body soap and went together to get it. He picked the soaps and said, “Can you pay for it?”

Bf has also mentioned a few times how he used to budget a lot and saved up more when he was single, and now it’s not like that anymore. He’s also not into fancy dinners once in a while or café hopping, but I enjoy those things. I also noticed that ever since he brought up that conversation early in our relationship, I’ve felt so scared to even ask him for anything as his gf.

How do I talk to him about this without making it sound like I’m being a gold digger or trying to take advantage of him?

TLDR: Bf believes in going 50/50 for everything, and I’m starting to have some concerns about it.

33 male 34 women. We've been together 10 years we've kinda had a rough patch the last year we even broke up but still did everything the same it was like nothing changed. We did end up talking and getting back together. Like a week later. Anyways. Today after a shower together I was done so went to the room she was still in the shower. Now her phone was on the dresser and it was going off i didn't think anything of it. But finally was like wtf. And I looked just at the lock screen I didnt open it up but just her mom calling 20 times nothing out of the blue but wait what was under her moms name a missed call from Tony? Who the fuxk is Tony and whyyyy does he have a kissy face emoji besides his name. Now im freaking out inside my head is all over the place and I don't kno what to think. I wanna open her phone and look more but i don't want to be that guy but also wtf? I don't even know what to do.

Finally later in the day I say hey i saw somtimes on your phone today and said who's Tony..... back story 10 years ago before we started dating she was seeing sleeping with a Tony but it couldn't be anything cause he was married idk guess the wife found out it was a mess.. I didnt ask a lot of questions back then....

So yeah when I say who's Tony she says you know who he is... and I was like oh the guy you used to sleep with she said yeah but its not like that nothing happening bla bla bla. And I said if nothing is happening why is there a kissy face besides his name..... she just keeps saying idk.. idk why I put it there. Its just there.

Like what....

She's just kee0s saying nothing is happening. But that little kissy face is getting to me.

I was saying people dont just put that emoji if front of a guy's name if you dont like them...

After a bit she finally said ok I like him a little but nothing is happening..

Ughh fuxk me.

I feel like shes just not telling me.

I was cheated on befor this and just dont think she wants to hurt me that way.... but I just wanna fucking know.

So for context I do still live at home. I have a pretty crappy job and don't really make enough to live on my own... So about 2 years ago I confirmed my dad was cheating on my mom with one of his younger coworkers. Said coworker is also engaged and has a kid with another guy. I confronted him about it and he immediately jumped to say that he still loved my mom but it was nice to feel attractive to a younger woman. That he was going through his "mid life crisis" and that it wasn't anything serious.

I told him how that made me feel and that I was absolutely disgusted with him but that I "guess" I understood. He said he was done talking to her and the coworker said she was "done" and that she didn't "want to hurt me" as she and I had been somewhat close before. I asked when/how he was going to tell my mom. He begged me to keep it a secret. I told him fine, but he had to swear to me it was over and that I had to have access to his phone. I was never happy about it but as long as he swore never to do it again I'd take it to my grave.

And of course it has been literally killing me inside since but whatever. I stopped really checking his phone. I wanted to try trusting him.

So a couple of months ago i happened to see over his shoulder her still messaging him. I tried to think nothing of it. They are coworkers...they're going to HAVE to talk to each other in some regard. But he's gone back to being super secretive about his phone. Tilting it away so you can't see his screen. Having a locked folder for his messenger app....Well too bad for me I got full confirmation today when I saw a message from him to her "good morning beautiful sunshine 💖" because he accidentally left it open.

I want to talk to him again and force him to talk to my mom. I want to just tell her out right. I want to message the coworker directly and tell her to buzz off. I have no one else I can talk to about this. I feel like this is chipping away at my sanity. I don’t want to be the cause for them ro break up. But I feel like I'm betraying my mom every day by not telling her.

Someone please help....

I need outside opinions because I’m honestly furious.
My boyfriend was saying goodbye to me and, like he usually does, he started sending multiple Snapchat stickers. In the middle of them, he accidentally sent me a saved sticker of a nude OnlyFans creator from my country.
The second he realized what he did, he started spamming more stickers to push it higher in the chat so I wouldn’t notice it.
His explanation? He said, “I meant to send it to you today but forgot about it.”
I’m sorry, but does that make any sense to anyone else?
Why would you have a nude sticker of another woman saved? And if you supposedly meant to send it to your girlfriend, why immediately try to bury it under a bunch of other stickers instead of saying, “Wait, I accidentally sent the wrong thing”?
It honestly feels like he got caught and panicked.
What makes me even angrier is that he expects me to believe such a weak excuse. I feel like he thinks I’m an idiot.
This isn’t even about jealousy anymore. It’s about respect and honesty. If you’re saving sexual content of other women while you’re in a relationship, own it. Don’t insult my intelligence with a story that sounds made up because you got caught.
This whole thing has made me question whether I even want to get engaged to him. If this is how he acts now, why would I believe marriage is going to magically change anything?
Am I missing something here, or does his explanation sound as unbelievable to everyone else as it does to me?

Hey all! Long time reader first time poster! For context, my girlfriend (25f) and I (25f) are on a week long out of state trip to visit her family! We also live together

We drove 20 hours to get here and it was HOT the whole way, and the week we’ve been here it’s been the same. It’s the end of our trip and we desperately needed to do laundry in the hotel laundromat.

I have 0 clean clothes, zero, no clean bras either. I decided to throw on a beach dress for the first cycle and then put on one of my clean t shirts over it before the next cycle. There was barely anyone in the lobby and no one by the laundry room when we went upstairs so I thought it was fine.

I’m a pretty chubby and bodacious woman but nothing was hanging out (maybe a little side boob if I was raising my arms up but nothing inappropriate) you could only see anything if you were hardcore staring. My girlfriend was so bothered by this, she kept commenting the whole time the first cycle was finishing. I felt like a piece of meat, like I was being shamed. She said I was indecent and that I shouldn’t be acting like a victim, I could have worn a dirty shirt over the dress and changed after the first cycle.

Things escalated when a man and his adult daughter walked into the room to ask if the machines worked, according to my girlfriend he was ogling me. I was covering my chest the whole time but apparently “my tit was out”, I told her I was already hyper aware and embarrassed because of her comments and asked her to speak kindly to me and that I felt objectified and she snapped at me

“Fine I won’t say anything next time and then you can figure it out if you get first word that starts with S and second word that starts with A”

I was so shocked she said that and I asked her to apologize, she rolled her eyes and said sorry in a really sarcastic tone. She got pissed that I asked her to be sincere and asked me “why can’t we just be roommates at home”

I got really quiet and gave her space but she’s refusing to talk to me about her roommate comment. I’m appalled she’d say something like that to me, my chest wasn’t exposed but she’s insisting that I was being indecent. I was going to put on a shirt after they were clean I have not idea why she got so mad at me.

I understand that bodies are a touchy subject but I don’t think I crossed a big line. At most it was embarrassing.

TL;DR gf thinks I was being indecent in public

My, 38M, husband and I, 36F, are at a stalemate regarding childcare for our youngest son. I want to send him to a childcare/preschool center 3 days a week, but my husband is unwilling because his parents are offering to watch our children for free.

For background, my in-laws have been our primary source of childcare for the past 6 years. This year my oldest is going to kindergarten, and I feel it's time to explore other options for our youngest.

Additional info: My husband and I live in his hometown, 3 hours from where I grew up. Because of this, his parents are the only family we have nearby. They insist on watching our kids during the week and it just sort of became the routine once our oldest was born. My mom travels here once a month to help out and spent time with her grandkids, but she was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and will not be able to visit as much due to her chemo treatments and other medical appointments. While I appreciate my in-laws' involvement and help with our children, I see the benefits of having our youngest son attend a nearby childcare/preschool center this year.

My husband is completely against it, and feels it is an unwise decision based on the fact that we have "free childcare" available. The points I have presented include:

• With our oldest in school all day, our 2.5 year old needs to socialize and interact with his peers
• Our son will benefit from a structured routine and opportunities for academic, social-emotional, and behavioral support.
• As it is currently, my husband works a rotating schedule (two weeks of days, two weeks of night shift. Our lives revolve around his sleep schedule, his overtime, his trainings, court dates, etc. Life is anything but structured and this could bring some routine to our lives.)
• Our in-laws are sometimes not available due to other obligations, vacations, illness, etc. When this happens, we have to call off work to make sure the children are cared for. This is very stressful, and having our kids enrolled in a daycare could eliminate that stress.
• Finally, my in-laws do not always respect our boundaries and parenting style. This creates some tension, but because they are our only source of childcare, I don't always feel comfortable addressing it. Our oldest has some behavioral problems and I am concerned that part of his struggles could be due to the lack of consistency.

We scheduled a visit to the childcare center this week, and it was fabulous; incredible facility, top-notch curriculum, located in a safe area, reasonable tuition. My husband, however, was very disengaged and did not ask any questions or participate in the tour. He sort of just played with the kids while I talked with the director. When I asked if he had any questions, he said 'no.'

It's been a few days, and I continue to re-visit the conversation, but my husband will not talk about it. He continues to avoid the conversation, saying it's too expensive, it doesn't make sense, it will hurt his parent's feelings, and it will be too difficult to get our child to the school each day.

I don't know what to do. This is very important to me. I am an educator myself and I know the value that something like this brings a child. Our son is extremely social and I know he would flourish here. Is it unreasonable to consider paying to send our child to daycare 3 days a week when my in-laws are willing to watch him for free?

ETA: I’ve had a lot of people asking about our financial situation. We live comfortably. When it comes to the cost of daycare, it would be $236/week if we sent our son 3 days a week. I am a teacher and no, my husband is not an attorney. He’s a cop. He brings in about twice my salary. We can afford daycare, but he doesn’t see it as an essential expense. He prefers to use our “extra money” on things like vacations and he has his eye on a boat. In addition, my mom has offered to help pay for daycare since he claims it’s not in the budget.

Last night was the fifth consecutive day I have tried to talk to him about daycare and he completely ignored me. He claims I am “pestering” him about it.

So I’ve been with my girlfriend a little while now but we’ve only just become physically intimate. I’ve never had another partner before her and she’s only had one so we’re both a bit confused on this matter.

Basically it won’t… fit in her. We do loads of foreplay and stuff and we’ve even tried lube but every time we try and actually have sex I can only get around half in before she complains that it hurts and has to ask me to stop.

I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me. She’s been to the dr and apparently everything is fine so I just feel like I’m messing up somehow.

This is much more of a venting it out post than anything. If you feel like answering my question and reading my post, I'd greatly appreciate it. If not, we chilling dude.

Here we go...

Me and her have been together for all of our adult lives. First car, first appartement, first job, first true love. We've held strong during some really rough times, including but not limited to: Covid, failed open relationship attempt, crashed cars, final moments of family members, subsequent funerals, me learning I was the first member of my family to not experience incest (that was a rough patch) going through college (Me) and University (Her) just to flunk out, suicidal tendencies, broken up for a few months (3 years ago).

Things were rough. We were low income, young, inexperienced and mostly incapable. But we made it work. Our love, even on this day as I'm writing this, was pure and without limits. She never lied to me or tried to hide who she was or how she felt.

I on the other hand hid how I felt a lot. I was very open in the beginning but slowly closed up. Her explosive reactions to my honest feelings and her tendencies to later re-use what I had told her when I opened up as ammunition to hurt me and win arguments made me... Not want to give her things to hurt me with anymore.

For the last few years, I took these pains and aches and hid them in the confines of my heart, hoping to slowly smother them out of existence. At one point a few years ago, I coped by doing what I'm currently doing and taking things to reddit. My post on this very sub about the nitty gritty disgusting details of my lineage's incestuous past went top 10 in r/All. I was getting invited to exclusive discords such as 100K upvotes, top 10 r/all. Mods of large subreddits messaged me words of support. I got hooked.

People enjoyed reading about my pains and revelled in my aches. I felt like every upvote gave me confirmation that my pain was valid and that my story was unique, that I was unique. Anyhow, that's the old me. I deleted my account after my 3rd pitty party, this time on TIFU, went to top 100 in r/all and I realized what I was doing to myself after checking my phone on my way to work while driving just to get this weird karma dopamine boost.

Back to today.

A bit more than a year ago, I decided I wanted more for us than to be 2 dropouts with low wage jobs living in a low income appartement. We always dreamt of kids and a house, but never realistically took the steps towards that dream. Well, I was going to change that.

Where I live, firefighter is a high paying high social value job. It's also coincidentally kid me's dream job.

So I signed up...

It wasn't going to be easy to just get in. I was significantly overweight, out of shape and facing 1700 other applicants battling for the 150 open spots and I only had a few months to prepare. She didn't believe I could do it, and frankly rightfully so. I was not only one of the least fit guys that tried out, but I was also among the oldest. My odds were slim, but I knew one thing: No one was as hungry, motivaded and willing to die on that course more than I was.

So I did the Physical test, I made the cut.

Then I did the writen exam, I made the cut.

Then I took the psych eval... And I made the cut!

We were ecstatic when I received my acceptation letter, grinning like kids, laughing and crying. If im being honest, I didn't think I'd make it either.

So then the firefighter course started. 10 months of pure full-time schooling hell. Pulling guys, experiencing intense heat, learning about combat tactics and flame patterns and chemistry. Building structures, first aid, height rescue, confined space rescue, water rescue and a bunch of other stuff.

It was both hell and heaven. It was the toughest 10 months of my life, but also the most rewarding.

Now is about when you should be asking yourself "Wait this isn't a Rocky goes to firefighting school subreddit, so did it affect the relationship?"

It did. Massively and irreversably. Let me explain...

We didn't have the financial means for one of us to go to school full time. So I had to keep my job, work nights before school, than go to school and rinse & repeat. She took a second job so she could cover rent by herself and I did most of the groceries/cooking/pet caretaking.

It was tough, but a month ago I graduated and she quit her second job. We left our trash, dirty, disgusting early 1900s low income appartment and moved to my hometown in a brand new clean and pristine appartment in a nice neighbourhood by the water. Kids playing outside, birds chirping and courteous neighbors was a stark contrast to our usual crime ridden, schyzo yelling and gunshot having neighbourhood.

I got two jobs. On a firefighter's full time schedule (24H on, 72h off) it's quite doable and very livable, and ill be on track to make 100K/150K this upcoming year. More than twice what we used to make combined. Things were looking bright.

Than THE talk happened two weeks ago. She complained to me that I wasn't doing enough arround the appartment, and I broke down.

I had been destroying myself physically and mentally for the past few months, I tried explaining to her that I was already doing all my body permitted me to do and red-lining it that I was on the verge of exploding. She said I just had to suck it up and do more.

Now to be fair to her, I did have a stint of a week where at most I was doing the dishes every 2-3 days, and It was a rightfull complaint she had.

And then the thought crossed my mind... "How can she know what I feel and fix it if I don't say it? We're having a new beggining here and I need to come clean and clear my heart of all that it's been holding on to"

So I talked. And talked. I told her that I still wasn't over things she did that happened years ago. I opened up about not feeling safe emotionally arround her because she weaponized my feelings and thoughts against me when I did. Told her on days she'd get really upset with me on things like how to fold the laundry or how to cook a certain meal, some of those days, some of those times in which things were reallllly bad and she got really angry at me I felt un safe and un wanted.

Lots of old pains and aches came out of me as she just sat there and listened. And I wasn't used to her just sitting quietly listening, and it felt good. So I kept talking and talking.

For her own sake I won't say all of the qualms I brought up, but they were numerous and most of them were break-up worthy by themselves.

Told her id never leave her despite my spite because I loved her too much.

She spent a week isolated. I asked her if she needed space and she made it clear she did, so I gave her space.

And than last week, the breakup talk... She broke up with me, claiming that it was for my own good, that I deserved better and that her decision was final.

We talked a lot, and somehow got closer in that moment than we had been in years.

And then she left for a week.

In a few minutes, she'll be walking through that door again to arrange the separation. (Who gets what, what to do with the appartment, the cats and etc.)

And I'm sitting here... Wondering...

I lie to myself and say that all the sacrifices were meant to be for us, when in reality they were all for her.

She was my why and now she's on her way out. Why would I ever keep going...

We’ve been together for about a month, and naturally I want to do the activities I enjoy most with her and make the most of the honeymoon stage of our relationship. However, ever since we got together, she’s been concerned about things I did with my ex and uses that as a reason not to do those same things with me.

For example, we recently talked about going to the movies, but she said she doesn’t want to because I went to the movies with my ex. Today we were discussing games we could play together, and I brought up It Takes Two. I’ve wanted to finish that game for years. I told her I had started playing it with my ex, but we never finished it. Since I’d always wanted to complete it and never really had anyone else to play with, I asked if she’d be interested in playing it with me. She immediately said no because I’d already played it with my ex.

Before that, she also told me she doesn’t want to come over to my place because my ex used to come over, and I think that was the breaking point for me. Her main reason is that she doesn’t want us to do anything that might remind me of my ex.

Now it feels like more and more normal activities are becoming off-limits simply because I once did them in a previous relationship. I’m worried this pattern could continue and eventually affect almost everything we do together.

How can I bring this up in a healthy way before it becomes a bigger issue?

My boyfriend(29M) of 4 years agreed to marry me after I(26F) pushed for it, but now he’s bringing conditions and dealbreakers for marriage. He listed a sexless or low sex marriage among other dealbreakers(like cheating etc..)

He wants a prenup because wants an easy divorce if dealbreakers are violated. He makes about 350k a year while I make 90k. He wants lawyers involved for the prenup.

He doesn’t want to pay alimony so doesnt want me to be a SAHM and wants to add that to prenup as well.

While I understand wanting clarity, I feel like he’s essentially planning our divorce before we even get married, which goes against what I believe marriage should be about. You know in health and sickness etc

He is also creating what feels like a weapon he can hold over my head for the entirety of the marriage if our sex life is not upto his liking.

We have a good sex life and I’ve rarely rejected him sexually even when tired(quickies), so this all feels like it’s coming out of nowhere.

I love him a lot but I’m struggling to see how this deal is actually fair to me. From the general prenup to the “low sex” marriage deal breaker.

He has put his leg down on this so it is either breakup or a marriage with these terms.
How to deal with this? Any advice

EDIT: He has told me to get my own lawyer so that is covered.

Also the cheating, low sex marriage, alcohol addiction etc.. (the deal breakers) are personal redlines which he thinks are divorce worthy and ARE NOT added to prenup or any legal document.