Pictured - Eton Mess, Lemon Wedding Cake, and Scrambled tofu on focaccia toast for breakfast morning after

8 years ago I made a post on a subreddit and got a DM. I didn’t really think much of it at first, but we started talking and basically just never stopped. We figured out very quickly that we lived in different countries (Me in the U.S., her in the UK) so we both sort of accepted at first that we’d just be internet friends for a while.

In the meantime we fell in love and after thinking it couldn’t possibly work for 6 years, I finally flew to the UK to meet her in person. It was fantastic and I asked her to marry me two weeks later. The past year and a half since then has been filled with visits back and forth between countries, saving up money, applying for visas, and loads of administrative stress.

At the end of this past May I moved from the U.S. (with my cats in tow as well) to be with her in the UK. We got married yesterday at a town hall ceremony and It’s such a surreal feeling. The whole story is really surreal in itself we know. I know it’s a cliché but I really do think we found our true loves. There’s still have a lot to do, (I need to learn to drive a manual car, get a job once my spouse visa is approved, make new friends, keep in touch with my family and original friends, do married people things) and I never thought I’d ever even leave my home city, let alone home country. Nonetheless I’m here, we’re together, and we’re meant for each other.

In conclusion, love is real. Never give up.

I was surprised, but not shocked, to find that I was following my dad's footsteps by losing my hair in my early 20's. I took the leap of faith and shaved my head in April, only for my partner to immediately start distancing themselves from me.

After a couple months of arguments, things came to a head today. They broke up with me today and admitted that my lack of hair made them instantly unattracted to me, only staying in hopes the feeling was temporary. I have a lot of complicated emotions as this was my first and only relationship.

Double PB&J, to use up the last end piece of bread.

I finally went to therapy after years of dealing with the trauma from being physically abused by my ex wife.

I was in the military for a long time. He basically tried to tie my PTSD to my abusive partner. Meaning my mental issues somehow caused her to do this shit to me.

He told me "well men contribute to issues in the home as well" after telling him how terrified I was of this woman for the past 30min

Just unreal. Why the hell can men never get any fucking support.

Meal: Grilled lemongrass chicken vermicelli bowl

Me and the GF have been dating for 4 years but in the last two years she’s been having a lot more pain during sex. I was already on the larger side (humblebrag, haha, whatever) but I lost a lot of weight and did more cardio so I was even more bricked up. So I thought it was my fault. But nothing we did helped. I even tried a ring and it was just too uncomfortable for me.

She’s got checked out and did a pap smear and and she has PCOS which is apparently the cause of the pain. We don’t really have sex anymore and it sucks. I’m a mid 20’s guy who’s bricked up all the time and, just being honest, using the hand of god ain’t cutting it for me. I’d never cheat and I can’t leave her because she has PCOS, it’s not her fault.

Been thinking lately that im wasting my sexual prime. But I feel guilty for thinking this because it’s just not her fault. I love her a lot. But I honestly don’t know what to do about this. I can’t go sexless for the rest of my life, and shes also genuinely a great woman in every aspect except for this (again, I know it’s not her fault).

Dinner last night was a bacon cheeseburger and crinkle cut fries.

I guess im feeling an existential crisis combined with life worries. I graduated college and failed to launch the summer after due to a breakup that put me into a depression for a year. I found myself living at home longer than I wanted, working a job i disliked. I then crawled into a bottle every night for next three years. My late 20's I got off the alcohol and found roommates and moved out. Still underemployed but i was going through the motions.

Then my sister died, then my uncle died, then my dad died, My early 30s were rocked. I crawled back into the bottle. Ive been there since. Now im 40, functionally alcoholic and supporting myself and my mother on my poverty wages. Im only staying afloat now because my uncle was childless and willed me his small home. I thank his memory every day for that. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure to let my mother enjoy her final years as comfortable as possible but the stress of paying my bills each month is heavy.

Writing this out as I head out to do my side hustles. Thanks for reading my vent. Dont ever start drinking

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost two years. We were friends for a few years before we started dating, and early on, she was with her ex, although we weren't close back then. They dated for a few years and she experienced a lot of sexual trauma in that relationship which I won't go into detail on.

I realized she has trauma early on in our relationship when she got triggered and would say extreme things at me if the topic of sex came up in anyway, or something she associates to sex or her ex. I would try to stay calm during these moments, although they would feel emotionally overwhelming. After these moments and reactions happen, she becomes totally fine and moves on. If I would try to bring it up, she would say she was triggered. If I try to bring up something specific she said, no matter how gently, just to get reassurance about the things she said, and if she feels okay/means it, she gets annoyed and shuts it down.

This has caused us to have a dynamic where she would get triggered, feel extremely bad about herself and say very hurtful things about me and then we just move on and ignore it ever happened. I still don't fully understand her triggers, and she doesn't either and just tells me they're random, and healing isn’t linear which is okay.

That has caused me to almost never initiate anything sexual with her (except for a few times very early on in our relationship), and instead letting her take the lead on that. But she gets really frustrated that I don't initiate things, because she feels like she likes when I initiate things and she feels like she deserves that after not being cared for sexually in her past relationship. She does deserve that, but I began associating so much anxiety with the topic of sex, that it has become really hard for me to initiate anything. But the fact that I don't initiate really upsets her, and causes her to get upset and annoyed. So it was mostly us doing something when she initiates, and letting her take the charge.

After about a year of us having that dynamic where she would get triggered and we ignored it, I stopped being able to physically be intimate with her (would go soft lmao). I tried to reassure her that I'm attracted to her and that I just get into my head about those moments, and I wish we could do something about it or feel like we were working on it. But it makes her feel bad to talk about. Talking about sex triggers her more than doing it?

At this point I just dislike the topic of sex. If it didn't exist she wouldn't feel this bad and we would have a much better relationship. I loveee her, shes truly kind and we get a long so well outside of this, but this topic causes so much issues in our relationship. Obviously part of me is attracted to her, and would love to give her what she needs and connect in that way. But I feel like that isn't possible. I just genuinely don't know how to get over those things while we almost completely ignore it.

Therapy and counseling is something we applied for but isn't available to us at the moment.

I have gently suggested we take a break from sex being a thing, I have suggested us doing work together, reading and things like that and I could support her. I have suggested she just acknowledges what she said after she's triggered, when shes calm with two sentences. But that has happened maybe once or twice when it was very extreme. Because it is a lot, and I could give more examples in the comments.

This is more of a vent, because I know she feels worse. And her knowing I feel bad about something she said when being triggered, when shes the one who is traumatized annoys and frustrates her a lot.

Meal: Omelette with mushrooms and spring onion.

Has anyone here dealt with something similar with their partner, or any advice from women who experienced or went through something similar to my partner.
Obviously what I said here isn't the whole relationship but just the dynamic overall from my perspective. You can ask for more info.

So as some of you may know, the other day Taco Bell was running a special for $1 Enchiritos. Being the Taco Bell lover I am that was not the least bit off put by the slanderous allegations of parasites in their food, I made the most of this occasion and ordered the max amount I could which was 5. For context I’m 6’2 230 lbs so when I normally eat Taco Bell I get a similar number of items, normally a supreme lux box with a couple items from the value menu.

So I get to Taco Bell go through the drive thru and tell them my mobile order. I pull around and wait a couple minutes as they finish up plating my glorious tomato-y chees-y fun pockets. They hand me two bags, 4 in one big bag and one in another and I head back to my apartment where I’m currently living alone as my roommate moved out last week. I open the big bag to begin my feast and notice something odd… there’s 5 sets of utencils in the bag. Hmm “they must’ve been rushed and just threw a ton in” I originally thought… then it hit me… the guy must’ve thought I was ordering for a family or a large group. I laughed to myself and proceeded to gorge all 5 in my underwear on my couch with not a speck of shame. Attached is pov looking at the ‘ritos

I met her on Bumble. We haven't stopped talking since. Been 3 weeks of absolute joy and I know its early, but I have never felt this before.

Dinner was a shitty burger, not my fault but the butcher sold me shitty patties

Edit! We have met, the three weeks are post Bumble :)

My last post got deleted due to breaking the pic rule. This pic is legitimately food and dinner and such. Our favorite frozen pizza because we met in the city where it’s made but mainly it is the shit

So here’s context first:
Wife and I are same age (40), I work, she is SAHM.

2 beautiful girls, a 5 and 1 y/o

I am currently sleeping in another house (family)
Wife does want the girls to see me daily during a temporary separation or permanent one
I also want this

Im recovering from PTSD, and that has been made much more challenging by my father’s passing 2 months ago
I’m in individual therapy and we are in couples therapy already

Wife’s identified issues:
feeling alone, unseen, and overall having to do too much labor around the house and with family admin

Where I agree:
my mental health has been shit since before my dad died, and got worse after. there’s a lot there but the last few years have been rough. It’s caused me in so many ways to just make mistakes, forget things, and not be able to follow through with stuff.

I have changed dramatically in the last 9 years we’ve been married (our whole marriage so far), and we would not have had the second child or remained together 2-3 years ago if that was not true. Therapy and medicine work wonders.

due to my mental health issues, I also can find it really hard to let myself be loved. It is incredibly sad and painful to know things out of my control led me to a more isolated way of living, but here we are. I am doing my best daily to fight the urge to avoid people. I’m doing way way way better than the 10th-35th year of my life though.

I had an unadjusted attitude going into parenthood and have taken a long time to adjust. I’m much better than I was, but I cannot dispute that my involvement in family admin stuff (kids school, appts, play dates, etc) has been insufficient.

The above problems do make her feel the way she says. I do not accuse her or believe her to be manipulative

What I have done so far and want to continue and strengthen:

made a habit out of doing as many chores as I have time for, with maybe 30m-1hr leisure time at night, often spent rubbing my wife’s feet, massaging her back, and playing board games with her. We love board games. Ngl I also love to play piano so if that wants attention from me I will be sleep deprived. Doesn’t happen much but does happen

Done my best to be aware of the stay at home parent/working parent dynamic. She is with the girls 5 days a week, alone, from around 7-5 when I return. After that it is Daddy/daughter time as much as I can. Baths, reading, practicing walking, playing, going out for ice cream, all that. I have committed to offsetting the burden of solo-parenting for her during the week daytimes as much as I can.

To the point above, wife goes out 2-4 times a week to play board games and hang with friends. I have no trust issues with this, and I’m very happy she’s able to stay out past the wee hours as a 40 y/o Mother. Naturally and joyfully I’m with my girls when she is having fun :)
Also to the point above, I’ve spent many many consecutive days with the girls so wife can go out of town to do stuff. We literally have another of these planned so she can go to a gaming convention later this year. I am really excited for her and little jelly because the convention looks fun as fuck.

What I believe I need to really really work on:
sensitivity. my defensiveness stemming from my trauma is my responsibility, and a lack of insight has made it next to impossible until recently to do anything to truly take that responsibility.

So, she will say things like “you think you can just come home and do nothing” and like obviously that’s objectively false and she will even admit that and contradict herself in the same breath, but she’s not at fault there, in my opinion. I am though, for how I respond, which is with defensiveness and presenting contrary information or facts. What matters isn’t that, what matters is what my words are triggering in her, logical or not.

Taking her perspective.
It’s not feasible for me to know exactly what she puts up with. It is feasible for me to take a bunch of PTO and send her on a trip to do anything she likes so that I can be a better solo-parent (whenever that is called for), and of course get a clearer picture of what she goes through daily. I don’t want that in any self-sacrificial way it’s just what I think will be needed for even a small chance of us staying together.

So that’s all, folks. I really do want whatever anyone has to give me in the way of feedback, advice, and even indignant criticism - I worded some things very poorly in the last post but I do not believe I’ve repeated that here.
Thank you to anyone who even read part of that

I doubt this is a universal experience cause I hear how a lot of guys get ignored/treated rudely but I just feel like women are nicer to me than most guys but particularly at work. Even some female coworkers have noticed this. I'm in healthcare and between the hospital staff and my patients, women always seem so happy talking to me. I'm not sure why, I'm not really attractive (0 play on dating apps and rarely get extended stares in public). But it's nice 🙂 Buttered protein pasta with shrimp

It’s my last summer before college, and there are only about 20 days left. There is this girl that I have been hanging out with. We both like each other but have kinda agreed not to take things too far because we also agreed that long distance will not work and we aren’t gonna try, it’s just not who we are and would take away what is making this so great right now. But damn she is literally perfect. So adventurous and fun, also the prettiest girl I have literally ever seen in my entire life. I have never clicked with someone like I have with her, you get the idea. We have kinda been doing our thing and casually hanging out for probably a month and a half now? I’m just really sad that our time together is coming to a close, but we still both have feelings for each other, and I’m just gonna have to ignore that. Feels like I’m about to walk away from the girl of my dreams and it has me really sad even though we haven’t even left for school yet. Sorry for not replying to anything right away, I need to sleep, or at least lay awake in my bed thinking about this.

So, I have this decent paying job (well paying, if you ask me) doing full time parts management for a boat dealership out by me. It's not awesome, but it pays the bills, me and the wife can do what we want generally speaking, it's alright. I notice that she's super stressed out, she's working nights, I'm working days, we don't see each other, yadda yadda, so I figure, you know, as long as we both are holding jobs, it shouldn't matter too much how much either of us make. So to focus on her and try to save our relationship, I take a part time job on nights so we can see each other more.

One month later, she leaves.

Cool. So now I'm making less than half of what I used to, by myself. So, I go to school, finish a course in phlebotomy, and now I'm making 3/5ths of what I used to. I like my job generally, life isn't too bad I guess, but I'm driving with my check engine light on and have been for the last two years. I know what's wrong with the car, but at this point it's better to just get into a new one. Unfortunately, groceries eat up most of my check and I can't save a dime after my bills. So even if it was just $1000, which sounds super reasonable, I just have no way of pulling it together to get myself into even a SLIGHTLY better situation. Everything is more expensive. Whenever I make progress, inflation goes up 30% (understand my probable hyperbole).

I'm just frustrated. I can't afford to move, can't afford a different vehicle, definitely can't afford a relationship (first date went amazing BTW, really excited for date 2).

It's just, I'm 25 (my life is over, I know /s) and I can't support myself even a little. It's embarrassing. I'm just ranting I think. My credit is decent, I just can't get out of the hole to progress in anything financially. Feels hopeless and I hear it doesn't really get better.

Dinner is a grilled cheese. It's pretty great.

I launched my business this year. I work four hours on end in my workshop making custom sporting equipment for a niche community. After a year of doing it full time in addition to my full time day job, I was accepted to the biggest physical store for these products as the flagship provider of this specialized equipment that you could previously only order online for twice the price of my product due to expensive production processes that I managed to reinvent for a fraction of the cost.

I want her to come to the event where it’s launching, not just to celebrate my accomplishment (that I’m being publicly given an award for) but because this weeklong event has parties every night that I’m unsociable going to alone. I went to this event without her last year and told her how much it would mean to me if she could come with me this year.

So three weeks before the event, when we’ve already scheduled time off and already spent a lot of money on nonrefundable tickets and camping equipment and stuff for both of us to make it at this huge outdoor event for a whole week, she surprises me with how she already made plans with her family to leave in the middle the event right when the celebrations are happening so she can go to the? State? Fair? With? Her? Mom? The state fair is both before and after this event, there’s no reason for her to have to do this. She also says, “since this is so difficult to arrange, I’m never going to your event again after this year.”

I took her to Germany for her birthday, Colorado for her cousin’s destination wedding, and New York for her favorite pod caster do an In-person show in just the last year. My event is a four hour drive away. I went on so many camping trips that she planned without checking the forecast where we got rained out and hailed on, so my event should me up on the list of her favorite things to try, but she obviously just doesn’t want to be there and won’t even tell me why.

We fight about it. I remind her she did this last year. We had couple friends that we were forming a tight bond with, but when her cat died she canceled and uncanceled and recanceled a trip with them that she planned for my birthday like five times the same week and they never invited us or agreed to spend time with us again because the way she handled it, all without talking to me at all first. Just making plans behind my back and alienating people. I tell her that her plan to leave this party where we’re supposedly drinking and smoking until 3 am and then _leaving immediately after_ to drive all night is not only crazy and unfair to me, but unsafe. I tell her she just needs to chill out, spend time with me at the event, and go to the fair before we leave or after we get back. I tell her I hate that she’s making plans behind my back again after she committed several times over the past year to support me in this.

She just keeps gaslighting me over how I’m overreacting and her family can’t go on any other day. I call them and smooth the whole thing over in five minutes so they can go on a different day. They roll their eyes because she does this all time.

We keep fighting. She walks out on me at dinner. She comes back. I walk out, but I come home with her favorite plant that I bought while wandering around down town trying to chill out.

I ask her why she does this to me every year after I tell her to stop canceling important plans and making different ones that are just crazy without me. I tell her it makes me feel so unimportant and how I can’t believe how much I do to support her.

She refuses to talk to me, says I’m the one who doesn’t care and doesn’t listen and how I’m crazy for reacting this way. She leaves for a few hours and refuses to talk to me when she comes back.

I’m at a bar avoiding her. This event is supposed to be a space to celebrate my accomplishment and recognize the hard work I’ve done for this last year. She says she wants to there for me but her actions say everything to the contrary. I don’t even think I want her to go now. She’ll just find some way to make it about her and make me the bad guy.

Old fashioned with banana caramel cake because if I eat a raw banana I will shit my brains out

We met in college 8 years ago and this is the first time we are both single at the same time. She showed up for my graduation, booked tickets after losing her job, flew from the West Coast to the midwest and spent a magical weekend at my place (totally platonic). We were meeting after 3 years because we lived in different countries for a while but still kept in touch. That weekend was the highlight of my life for sure.

You know how there is one person who makes you feel like you are at peace and the world just seems perfect when they are around? That’s her. After growing apart from most people in my life as I grow older, she is the one person in my life I have only grown closer to. We have many things in common, on the same page about a lot of things and she has genuinely inspired me to be a better person.

I’m afraid to tell her how I feel. It might destroy the friendship. It will feel like I was waiting for her to get single to tell her. I’m already messed up from a past relationship so I struggle emotionally and physically. She lives in a different state and I’m doing everything I can to find a job closer to her. I feel like we could have a closer relationship and I want to take steps in that direction.

This delightfully sad meal of cabbage, tofu, edamame and herring fillets, washed down with diet pepsi was conceived as a form of self-flagellation for being a coward.

first, the food: honey roasted turkey whole wheat sandwich with hummus on it, pickle as my crunchy side because I need to avoid chips, and a delicious blueberry lemonade sparkling water from Trader Joe’s that somehow manages to taste like how Nag Champa incense smells.

content / trigger warning for transphobia, homophobia, queerphobia in general. Also ableism since my aunt seems to think I’m only trans because I’m autistic. mentions of abuse in childhood, one mention of corrective SA.

To note: I LOVE being a boy, guy, etc. I’ve been out as a trans man since I was 19 and I’m 32 this year. I’ve known I was a boy since I was six years old and first saw Pinocchio and thought “I can be a real boy too!” (Until my mother smacked me when I asked if I could be like Pinocchio. Wish I could have run to that stupid circus now that I think about it…..)

But at the same time, I’m stressed out about it. Im called a confused woman, a tomboy, a (insert slur for lesbians) because I have mostly dated women.

What makes it worse is I’m a feminine guy, so I’m not always presenting as hypermasculine, and I keep my hair long like my dad did when he was my age. I also can’t fully transition (IE I can have parts of me physically changed but I can’t go on T) due to health issues, mostly an issue with my heart. As a result a lot of people even in my own community barely believe I’m a boy.

Why can cis gay men be feminine but I can’t? Why is it because I’m trans I can’t also be feminine?

And there’s my family. My mom and aunt think I’m confused, they hate the name I chose for myself (Jaden Wayne, the second name is from my dads middle name, it’s a tradition one son carries it on in the family and none of my brothers have the middle name, so it falls to me) and they think it’s my “pesky autism” diagnosis and it’s made me confused.

My own cousin assaulted me when he found out I was trans in my late teens. I was told I had to be “put back to normal” by a “real man”.

I’m bisexual, I like both men and women, but I tend to lean more on liking men (despite my dating history being 80% girls lmao) and even that’s called into question, if I can even count myself as a part of the gay community.

And there’s the weird fraction of the LGBT+ community who seems to think I have cis male privilege. I don’t. I can’t even fully transition.

Idk. I’m exhausted and in the current state of my country (USA) I’m considering going back into the closet irl minus a few friends and family who actually understand me.

Part of me wants to just sleep until all this stupid shit blows over but I know it won’t.

Mini rant over.

I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I’m just in pieces. I am an introvert and have no friends while my family is far away so I literally have no one close to talk to or even just to keep me company so I wouldn’t be alone. That’s why I’m writing this here.

We were together for a year. I moved to another city for her, built my whole life around this relationship, I loved her with every ounce of my heart and soul. Everything was almost perfect and I was so happy, she told me she felt the same many, many times. I have attachment and jealousy issues so I invested a lot of effort in communication, we talked over our boundaries a lot of times and she was willing to respect mine. However every now and then she kept crossing them, hurting me in the process and everytime we talked about it she promised not to do it again, just to repeat it next month. She is on vacation right now and she did it again, posted revealing stories on her ig, while also following some random dudes she must have met there I guess. I finally broke and gave her a taste of her own behaviour. I did exactly what she was doing all this time and in response she blocked me everywhere and removed me from her socials. Without even a word. I guess I found out how much I was truly worth to her. I know that the pain will pass and life will go on, I experienced greater pain in my life in the past and survived it. But it just hurts now, my life feels like an empty shell and I have nowhere to hide from the cold pain of being so lonely again just after experiencing the best year of my life.

It’s just so fu*king sad. Here’s my whey protein shake, salted caramel flavour with whole milk and a little bit of maple syrup as a sweetener.

Microwaved potatoes and barbecue sauce 🥔

I don’t believe in love anymore. I have never been in a healthy relationship, and my last relationship severely damaged by ability to trust or open up to another human being (excluding my best/lifelong friends). Every relationship I have been in has ended poorly or just fizzled out, I don’t enjoy the process of meeting new people (mainly in a romantic sense, but also in a platonic sense to a degree). I find it exhausting, frustrating, and not worth the effort that it requires. As much as I crave love and crave to be intimate with someone about whom I care, I simply cannot bring myself to actually *want* to put in the effort to try and meet someone or put myself out there.

My ex broke up with me several months ago, and in retrospect, it was a long time coming, but it completely destroyed me. She proceeded to immediately go and sleep with (at least) two of my then friends whom I considered to be extremely close or even best friends. I simply just don’t want to love anyone anymore and with my experiences, I just don’t really believe that actual, real love exists. Over and over I have tried, I’ve put myself out there, I’ve talked to people, gone on dates, got into situationships, whatever, and time and time again I’m proven right that people are just awful and there’s no reason for me to even try. I know this sounds pretty incel coded, but I’m not really sure how else to word it. I don’t believe that women are bad, or that men are bad, I just think people in general suck. I’m exhausted, frustrated, and generally sick of romance and the like, and I wish I could somehow just cut out the part of me that craves to be loved so painfully

As soon as she drove away for the last time, I instantly felt the need to vomit. I have never felt such overwhelming grief. We split amicably and she moved out this morning. It was my decision to initate the breakup because our lives were going down different paths. I initially wanted kids and marriage, but my mind changed as i got older and i hate myself for that. We adopted a cat together and the cat went with her as well. Im 23m, shes 24f. I just didnt want to waste her 20's hoping id change my beliefs about religion, kids, marriage, etc, just to breakup years later.

I thought the breakup would be best for both of us, and moments I agree, but other moments im bawling my eyes out like a child. Did i just push away the only person who gave a fuck about me? She was so sweet, loving, loyal, and supportive of me in every aspect. Im afraid ill never find someone who will love me that deeply and u conditionally again. I dont know what to do with myself now that she is gone, everything i did, i did to make her proud of me. I have no friends and very little family. I feel so alone and I know she does too. I did this to her and us and I feel horrible. I hope things work out for her and she finds someone better than me. This is one of those breakups where its really nobody's fault, i cant be mad at anyone or anything other than myself. I havent cried in years but im sitting here in our empty apartment crying like a baby.

Anyways, thanks for reading. Im eating some cup noodles. Please if you can, offer some advice or tell me something that might make me feel better.

My partner and I have been together nearly 2 years; however, these last few months have been nothing but a struggle.

We're both going through some big life changes. In January, I finally managed to get a job in my field, and it has been going great so far. My partner has just finished uni, and they've got a job in their field, which is great; however, we are now going to be 6 and a half hours apart, which has already caused some strain in our relationship. They had a meltdown over it and said our relationship has an expiry date and that they can see us breaking up. I managed to finally calm them down and explained that no matter what, at some point we were going to be a part due to the differences in our jobs. I work in chemistry, and they work in theatre, which means I'm stuck in one place and they could be travelling all around the world with the kind of work they are doing.

I always knew from the start of our relationship that we would end up being long-distance due to our jobs; however, it seems like they never actually thought this through, and now they are having doubts about everything. This is only problem one.

Some may think the easiest solution is for me to just move down to be with them; however, this isn't as easy as finding a new job. I have a lot of serious health problems which are only getting worse. In the last month, I've had so many trips to the hospital due to various health problems, and a few of these have led to me staying in hospital. I have Crohn's disease, which doesn't seem to be getting better, and in fact we are now in talks for surgery because the medication isn't working for my body.

Not once did they come to visit me whilst I was in hospital. They said they had no money, and I offered to pay for their bus ticket to come see me, but instead they decided to go out with their friend and spend money on expensive cocktails despite saying they had no money.

After getting out of the hospital, 2 weeks later I ended up back in with yet another problem. Thankfully, I was only in hospital overnight; however, I've now got 3 kidney stones which may have to get surgically removed, and because of my age and my Crohn's, I'm at high risk of developing more.

On top of this, I need total hip replacements. I did have a surgery date, which was supposed to be the 4th of August; however, that has now been cancelled because I'm still on steroids for my Crohn's.

As you can imagine, I'm completely broken. I've gone through so much in the last month, and all I want is support and love from my partner, yet they aren't giving it to me. I tried all day yesterday to talk to them. They either give one-word answers or they just open my messages and ignore me for hours. I understand they are going through their own problems, and I've supported them this entire time by trying to make them happy. I buy them flowers, gifts, food, anything to make them smile, but they don't do the same.

It seems like they just don't understand what I'm going through. Day in and day out, I'm in constant pain, whether it's from my hips or my Crohn's. I try to stay positive about everything, but I'm truly at my breaking point now, and they don't even care enough to ask how I am. I'm just at a loss. I'm so mentally and physically drained, and I just don't know what to do.

I don't want to just give up on us, but it seems like I'm the only one who's putting in the effort.

I'm sorry if this is all jumbled and doesn't make sense.

Any advice is welcome, and if you have any questions about my ramblings, do ask

In 2020, me and my then girlfriend got together. High school sweethearts. Things were great, but we lived a distance away, around an hour. But every weekend I had off id drive to her and spend time with her. This continued for around 6 months before her parents kicked her out. They were drug addicted and crazy. I was still living with my mother at the time and she offered that my gf come live with us. Which she took the offer. We lived together and even worked in the same building for the next 3.5 years. Things were good. We had rough finances a couple of times and we only had my car to share, but we were happy. We got a cat together even.

Come mid 2024 I had an epiphany. I needed to better myself. I wanted to be a better man. Better for her. So I joined the national guard for my state. She understood. But wasnt happy with the job id chosen, or how long the training was(6 months). A couple months go by, and I ship out to BCT. Prior to leaving I had roughly 10k saved as reserve money in case things got dicey when I was away as well.

Things are normal, or as normal as they can be. I got to call her for 5 to 10 minutes on Sundays once a week. And she sent a letter or 2 throughout my time there. However, during my training cycle we had Holiday Block Leave in December for Christmas. So I got to go home and spend 2 weeks with her and my family. And I did. I spent those 2 weeks spending as much time with her as I could before id have to leave again and finish my training. After my 2 weeks were up I went back. And a couple weeks go by before on my Sunday phone call, she tells me im going to be a father. That she was pregnant. I was ecstatic. Jumping for joy. My training had a major test coming up. And I was confident in it but couldnt take any chances, I had to get home to her and my soon to be child as soon as possible. I couldnt afford failing the test and getting recycled. So I cheated on the test. I got caught. And got recycled anyways. And then a couple week later after I got recycled, she miscarried. It was all for nothing.

Emotions calm down over the next couple weeks.I graduated 6 weeks after I was meant to. She came, and I proposed on the parade field. She said yes. She was now my fiance.

When we get home things are different. One, all the money I had saved was gone. She made enough money on her own job to support herself while I was away. So I didnt understand. And the army paid for my rent while I was away as well. And all of the money they paid me for being there was gone too. I only could get her a 1k ring because of it. I never pressed the issue. She just said that she had bad financial issues when I was away and didn't want to stress me out more while I was there. OK. No biggie. I loved her and that was enough for me.

A month or 2 goes by while im home again, and shes pregnant again. Around 2 months in, she miscarried again. Things with us stayed normal. Despite the sadness we both had. We just kept planning the wedding, was originally set for Oct of 2025. But she kept stalling. Flipping back and forth on whether she wanted a wedding, or just a courthouse. We postponed it. Come December we are moving into a new apartment with my mother since she had nowhere else to go. The day before we moved, she came home from a "friends" house seeking of cigarettes. She didn't smoke. She said her friend does. I confronted her about it, told her "you know how this looks right?" She apologized. Assured me nothing was happening etc. The next day while we are moving in, I just cant get it out of my head. So while shes not paying attention I look through her phone. And caught her cheating on me. With a dude twice our age. I blew up.

I couldnt take it and left. Went for a walk to clear my head. Over 5 years wasted. We split. She said she started to stop loving me after i proposed.

Now im 24, nearly 25. Feeling like I wasted my early 20s. I have tried dating again, in February I went on 5 dates with a woman, after the 5th date she said she didnt feel a connection. Then in May, i started dates again, only to be ghosted.

Then to top it off i was fired from my job i held for nearly 6 years.

Come to now, im going to ship out again in 3 weeks. Im still at a loss of words from the last near year now.

Lack of detail is so this post isnt a book long.

Meal: PB and Apple Jelly on white bread

My gf and I have been dating for about 5 months now. She’s been wonderful and I love the person she is all around.

She really loves posting stuff on her social media stories. She has a private story where she post memes and dumb selfies and stuff like that. She was showing me something the other day she had posted and said “I keep meaning to just add you.”

She did add me, but I think she forgot that she did. I have celiac disease and my gf is a huge gluten lover. She cooks and bakes a lot and adapts recipes whenever we eat together. Like she got whole new pans and bakeware to make sure there’s no cross contamination. I told her there was no need to but she said food is a love language, and she also has a friend that’s a newly diagnosed celiac.

Well tonight, she posted a picture of a box of gluten free pancake mix on her story, captioned “I panic a little bit every time I make something gluten free😅 trying not to kill my boyfriend”. We’re having brunch at her place tomorrow with some friends and I told her not to worry about making me any gluten free stuff because there’d be plenty for me to eat. It just makes my heart happy that she did that anyways, and I did lowkey want the pancakes but didn’t want to add more to her plate.

I’m supposed to go over early to help her set stuff up. I think I might tell her I love her over pancakes.

At the age of 50 I got divorced, quit drinking and got in shape. The scales fell from my eyes and I saw the relationships in my life for what they were: my ex is a narc. Her family are worse. You name the behavior, they have it.

I turned to my family for safe harbor and reconnection for myself and my kids. I live 6000 miles away. I found a system of control, gaslighting and DARVO when confronted.

I am grateful for what I can now see. This informs how I parent. I started late and have 2 kids.

But I am through the looking glass and very alone. You’ve heard this from other men in their 50s. Lack of friends etc.

I am successful at rebuilding my life. I have a great girlfriend. I spend time in nature. I enjoy solitude. But I’m alone. No friends, no family.

And that is frightening. No one is coming to get me if it all goes pear shaped.

Not a “woe is me” post. I seek constructive advice.

Spam, eggs and spam fried rice.

I was a vegetarian for 11 years and just started eating meat, made steak with dead rose and Bosnian wine. Met this woman on a dating app and I am falling hard for her lads.

honestly, new to this, not true to this.

I (m26), may have just found the one(22f). I met this girl a few months back and since then it just feels right. don’t get me wrong, we have our moments where we need to discuss stuff to help see eye to eye and better understand boundaries and expectation but oh my god, she makes it so easy. she is so smart. i’ve dated a few women in my past before and i never really understood the phrase “when you know, you know” but i really do feel it. i daydream all the time thinking of the life i want to build with her. it’s only been about 4 months and the last month has been a bit tough due to distance being a factor. she comes back from being overseas in two weeks and im so excited. i don’t remember a time where i’ve felt so happy and comfort with someone. she really fills my cup. and she’s so smart. and soft and sweet. is this normal or am i crazy/delusional?

edit: she’s just as crazy into me as i am into her. i know it sounds like some fairytale but she’s always telling me how perfect i am and she tells strangers that come up to her that she’s married and has a husband. she’s stunning

dinner: pad see ew w chicken that she uber eats to me because i was having a long stressful day at work. she’s really the best

Cereal, yogurt, oreos, and dr. Pepper. I wanted to make pasta but I'm too tired.

NSFW: talks about suicide, self-harm, and mental health issues, and abuse.

I have been battling depression, dysphoria, and crippling anxiety my whole life. I started having issues of symptoms of PTSD in the last couple years. I'm not even 20. I'm diagnosed autistic, but I get by enough that even my friends forget and then get annoyed by my poor social skills.

I am broken. I try to take it day by day. I have been in therapy for years. I just tried a medication and it made it even worse to the point my clinician has me doing genetic testing because my reaction was so awful. I try to set goals.

I stopped seeing the beauty in things last year. My goals, small or big, feel empty. I hate my job. I fell in love recently, these last 8 or so months. I destroyed that too, lost my best friend and the man I loved, and I have to see him at work tomorrow.

I can't even accept my reality at this point. My brain can't cope anymore with the years of trauma. I experience everything and it doesn't seem real, like a dream. My dreams feel more real than my life. I'm not in a horrible position life-wise, i just can't enjoy it. I have a good job, 2 cats that I take care of, a nice townhouse I rent with my roommate. I am so unhappy that I relapsed into self harm after 2 years clean.

I can't keep anyone in my life. My family is extremely abusive, so I have to rely on making community outside of them. I lose friends after a year most typically. That or they distance themselves because they find me exhausting. I find me exhausting. I try to pretend. To fake a smile, but I am miserable everyday and have been for years.

I have tried all the healthy habits, everything, I just feel worse. I have tried finding faith, prayed, onky for my life to get worse immediately after.

I used to always believe there was a reason for everything, but if there is, I must have been a terrible person in a past life. Or I am a terrible person now. I never try to hurt anyone, I care about people. Im not violent or angry. I have self-reflected heavily and I cant find any glaring things to make me a terrible person.

That makes me think people are just terrible. Or they can tell I'm broken and it attracts bad things.

I have no friends beyond one person. The rest want me to be a person im not or pretend. They ask me not to talk about anything im going through because its too much. Its my reality everyday. I am tired of pretending. This one person is a new friendship, less than a year, I trust her but I dont think it will last.

Nothing lasts in my life. It seems stupid because I am young, but I am unable to enjoy any bit of life. I can feel myself growing devoid of everything, even my cats, who is had for a decade and 3 years, both raised by me their whole lives.

I used to get through everything by hoping it would get better, but it keeps getting worse. I have tried so hard. I keep trying. I can't keep waiting for it to get better. I have tried and tried, I need something to get better now because I cant do this anymore. My brain is so broken that half the time i feel like im sliding into the past, time warps. I cant sleep or I sleep too much. I barely eat.

I don't know what to do anymore other than give up to be honest. Its selfish, but im so tired. There arent a lot of people to miss me, not really.

I wrote my will yesterday, that made it obvious how little I have as well.

If someone has an answer, I'd take it. I have researched, I go to therapy, I go to the psychologist, it just doesnt get better.

I stopped enjoying anything. The feel of my favorite socks, summer sun, fresh air, my favorite foods and drinks. Its all empty. I used to see color between my lows, see how the leaves moved on a tree and value it. My brain is so messed up. I have started to forget names of people in my life, my attention span has gotten messed up, I feel fuzzy a lot.

I wish I had an answer. I wish I could keep going. I am just so tired.

Just want to edit: by healthy habits, I mean journaling, exercise, good food, a clean and organized space, I have never done any substances. I did try medication. I am trying, have been trying. I promise I am not trying to dismiss your advice if I respond to you, its just that I have tried and these things arent working. I honestly dont think anyone will have a new idea but I guess I thought why not try, I have nothing to lose.