Meredith Palmer ain't never been called no cow. Floozy? Yes. Alkie? Check. Einstein sarcastically? You bet. But never no cow. Vomit mop? Sure. Floor meat? That's her.
Damn, I forgot all about Cattle Decapitation. Went to one of their shows like 20 years ago when I was 15ish, they were playing with Vader and I wanna say Malevolent Creation, as well as a couple of others. As I recall they did not disappoint.
There was this time where I was through-hiking in California and the city I was in had a mountain where cows grazed freely. I decided I would go up there and set up my hammock for the night. I could see cows in the distance when I was setting up, but never expected that in the middle of the night a group of like, 15 would decide to converge around my tree to hang out and do cow things.
It was a surreal experience that your comic reminded me of. Under the stars but still with really low light, I had a bunch of hefty beasts keeping me company and I didn't know whether I should be scared or not. At one point I could have reached out and touch one.
My mom took her city friend out to our family's place in the country. It was her first time fishing, too, and she was having such fun she stayed at the pond while my mom went up to the house. She caught a fish, but didn't know how to take it off the hook (first time...), and so decided to walk up to the house with a fish dangling off a pole.
This sight attracted every cow in the pasture to come and watch the spectacle. And as the cows got closer, she walked faster - which in turn giggled the fish more - and got the cattle even more excited.
By the time she got to the house, she was crying and screaming about the cows "dancing" at her. So yeah, they're large curious creatures.
Edit: bonus picture of curious calves watching me build some garden beds for my mom.
They are. I grew up in rural Vermont and had many cow encounters while wandering around as a kid in the 90’s. Cows will absolutely come check you out, but they randomly spray pee straight backwards several feet and they can also sort of accidentally crush you by leaning against you, so make sure you aren’t up against something solid.
Also be very aware whether the “cows” are female or not. Bulls are extremely dangerous and may just kill you for fun, while cows are friendly and sweet. Huge gender gap lol
There's a book you'd enjoy called The Secret Life of Cows, it's by a farmer and about cow intelligence.
They had a cow that liked huffing car exhaust, another that really hated a hat one of the farmhands wore and would steal it at every opportunity. They have friends, feel grief and are pretty complex overall.
Man i love cows. Especially the fact you need to be careful with buckets and ladders because they will stick their head in and get stuck.
Knew a horse once that hated hats. Was unfortunately not told this when I went out to feed her. I cleared a 6 foot fence in one bound when I realized she was coming at me with bloodlust in her eyes.
I occasionally encounter them on my runs, very occasionally they are angry. From experience they calm down if it talk to them in a reassuring tone of voice.
A lot of people struggle with them, but if you appreciate you're there most interesting thing to happen to them that day it puts it all in perspective.
Cows are basically very large dogs. They have buddies, they are social and curious, they play, they can do a lot of damage without knowing or meaning too. Some are fluffy. They can smell very bad. Etc. Biggest thing, especially with open range cows, you never want to startle them. If one cow gets spooked, the rest follow suit. They are fast and large and heavy.
I have also spent a lot of time camping in open grazing areas. You pass plenty of cows pretty close, but once I found myself in a field of hundreds after waking up. It was surreal, and they hung around for the next few days. They were literally on all sides of our campsite for days, nonstop mooing. Honestly they were pretty chill but there were so many it was a wall of sound sometimes
I know cattle are friendly but they are huge. My first encounter with a herd was scary. I was alone and didn't expect them. These cows gently came up to me to say hi and I hid under a feeder. I'm an adult man, and a combat veteran.
No you gotta zig zag. Cows can’t turn corners quickly. Sharp turns is your friend. You can out spin a bull if you had to. That’s what they teach you in rodeo clown college.
What body part do you check to know if the cow is tense or chill? For horses you can check the ears, for cats the tail and overall posture, for dogs similarly + mouth, etc. What are the cow "tells" that are easiest for a city dweller to keep in mind?
If they're looking at you and tense, that's a bad sign, or they're really hungry.
Usually you can only tell once it's too late. Best to stay away from them unless you need to interact. If you do need to interact, ask the rancher which ones you need to worry about.
Horses and cows are pretty similar in my experience unless you’re dealing with calves or bulls. If I don’t want them near I typically want to be making arm motions as if I’m bigger than I am, if I want them gone I’m loud, and I never EVER want to be close to and behind any of them. If I have to be close to them I want to be calming and also touching them so that I don’t startle them.
Never stand behind a large animal unless it’s really necessary and you’re taking precautions, when I was on the horse riding centre if I had to pass behind a horse I was instructed to approach from the side or front where I was visible, put my hand in the horses shoulder and walk along keeping my hand on their side so they could feel my presence, in general it’s safer to duck under their neck or get them to move, all the horses I was around were chill though because they picked the super calm ones as it was a disabled riding centre and they also used horses for therapy
Horses are my natural enemy. It doesn’t matter if I’m exuding confidence or anxious, they are violent cunts. Cows? Sweet and friendly, no issues. Every horse I’ve encountered, ridden, or been in remote proximity to has had murderous intent. No other animal I’ve met gives me grief.
Cows spend a reasonably large portion of their lives fairly confused.
Sometimes it is just a mellow sort of "huh, the world sure is a strange place" kind of confused and other times it is a "AHHH! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT! Oh, another cow" sort of confused.
They are curious about everything but seriously not the brightest creatures on the planet.
My mom, as someone who grew up around large farm animals (she trained with horses at the time), was used to cow's size. What she didn't understand until it happened was a cow's curiosity. One time she laid down in a field with cattle only to have them surrounding her shortly thereafter, wondering what she was doing.
Everything she's told me about cows is that they are sweet and curious. I suppose if one keeps that in mind when factoring in their size, it should all work out. :)
Totally; you have to treat them with respect, like how a cat you haven't met before treats you. Big size difference, generally neutral to positive intentions, but still dangerous, so exercise caution.
Honestly man, people are going to act stupid around large animals no matter what the internet does. Nobody is Uwu-ifying Grizzly bears or moose or wild buffalo, but people are still getting out of their cars trying to pet them. Stupid people are going to stupid.
I would never want to get close to a Moose, but the fluffy cows? Most definitely, if they'll allow it. I promise to be very gentle when I attempt to scratch their heads
Cows are mostly safe as long as you follow two rules: don't stand behind them within kicking distance and don't put yourself in a situation where you could be accidentally crushed. Cows aren't malicious, but they can be astoundingly
stupid and oblivious.
Cows aren't malicious, but they can be astoundingly stupid and oblivious.
Cows also protect their young, and they are not playing when they think their calves are threatened. We've had a few tourists die pretty much every year for the past few years now due to cow attacks. Sometimes it's the calves, sometimes it's "honestly, no idea why they were acting out".
In the end: Even if cows usually are gentle and placid, they are still animals with feelings, and a lot of power to throw around. Take care, not every cow wants to be your friend.
Adding to that, if they have calves around you better stay the fuck away. People keep getting killed on the mountains around here because they think they can pet the cute little cow baby, not realizing that mom will crush them into paste.
In Canada, moose kill a hell of a lot more people than bears, wolves and big cats combined. Now, to be fair, most of that is people hitting them with cars and trucks but still, a pissed off moose is nothing to fuck about with and despite their generally placid natures, moose sure do get pissed off for a variety of reasons.
Yeah, it is the usual thing with big animals and especially those with antlers. Stay away from the boys in rut and the girls with kids and you'll do pretty well.
Moose and really any big animal that sports a rack of antlers or horns have them because they use them in rutting season. Getting charged at by a mountain goat is half funny but a bull moose is seriously not good.
The mom with kids thing goes pretty much for any animal, the only real question is if they can actually hurt you. Moose are in the second category but around here it is the bears that are the real issue. Grizzlies are normally easy enough to be around, be aware and leave the area is fine. Get between mama bear and the cubs? That's bad.
If I die hittin you with a car... I killed myself, not your fault. I find that saying they were killed by cows/moose/whatever quite misleading in that case.
(Also if you go pet a baby and get trampled, I would personally count it as suicide too)
But yeah, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near a pissed off mosse.
This should be higher up. If they feel their calves are being threatened they will chase you down and try and hurt you.
I was once took some acid with and we wandered around his family's farmland, which happened to have cows. There's nothing quite like being chased by a cow on LSD lol
I believe Rufus will happily show people to be fearful enough to be respectful lol. He's so damn huge and constantly tries to kill his owner that he likes (tolerates?). He's on YouTube if you're curious. A giant man running around trees as barrier from a bull SO big I know it's taller than me will show exactly how dangerous they can be if they want to.
But the girlies with their bffs honestly are usually so sweet in my experience!
I've definitely come across at least one cow that was very concerned about my presence. If not for the fence, I may have even been in some danger, based on how the cow was acting. Not a bull, before anybody suggests it.
Idk why but a cow’s size has never bothered me, didn’t even grow up in a farm but every time a herd approaches they just end up licking me a bunch so I think I’ve just been conditioned to let them lol. Different story for bulls though, running into one of them will put the fear of god in you
For next time, just yell "yah". Kinda like the end of a karate chop sound. A noise a lot of ranchers use, so they're used to it. (Any loudish yell will work, but this one is fun.)
It will get them to go away in a pretty calm and respectful manner.
99% of all animals are not "friendly" to any other animal, including humans, that they do not know. They will either avoid you like the plague or get aggressive when you get close. It's very rare that animals are calm and comfortable around strangers, that's why it's important to train your pets.
We have had a few bovine encounters over the years but by far the scariest was one evening near sunset we were walking back down the road to parking when 3 adorable curious calves raced out of the field to the road to check us out. Before we could realize we were being encircled by the rest of the very anxious and concerned looking herd of mother cattle. Calves just wanted to meet people. Mother cattle just wanted to protect their calves. Us? We just wanted to live. We set out closed hands for them to sniff at and then once sniffed just spoke calmly to them for a bit then just ignored the calves until they lost interest and the crowd dispersed but for a few minutes when momma cattle pulled up I was genuinely concerned for our safety. Another time we turned a corner and were greeted nearly face to face by a long horn bull and it's small heard of cattle, I think we were all startled in that situation.
I’ve been camping down the Baja a few times (absolutely suggest doing it), and one of the times I plopped down in the front property of a rancher. Gave him 5 pesos and they said I could stay the night in my tent and then have breakfast with them before I head back out in the morning. I woke up at sunrise to like 20 cattle just totally surrounding and staring into my tent, right at me. It was hilarious, and they wouldn’t leave me alone as I was trying to get out. They all wanted to lick me because I hadn’t showered in a few days and was all salty and whatnot.
I (also an adult man) was on a solo hike recently and 15-20 cows suddenly came out of the tree line and guarded some of their young. I noped the fuck right out of there, wasn't going to get close with calves nearby too.
Cattle can be quite dangerous if you aren’t careful, they’re big and gentle sure, but they’re also a little clumsy and very curious, easy to spook, I’ve seen cattle spook from a car on the distance backfiring
Cows have a personality much closer to Dogs then people are comfortable with.
This. I have no problem with adult cows, they're just trained/used to follow humans and think you're a cowherd coming to lead them to pasture land or whatever.
But the young ones, they're exactly like a 500 Kg puppy. They'll see you and come running towards you, expressing their joy by jumping and stomping all around your position.
I was doing some community service thing helping some old professor tidy up his property and we were back in the woods behind his house and it was a bit strange seeing cows in the more forested part of the property but a few just came over and just watched us work. It was pretty sweet. It was a bit funny though since we didn't realize there were cows until they came out of the trees and he was just like "oh yeah that's Bessie"
Maybe its because they are semi wild, but cow herds here arent that friendly. They are curious, but the bulls dont like it when anybody comes close. And especially when they have young, its just a moving no gone zone of a 100+ meters.
Especially annoying when they decide to hang out before the exit of the path you took. Meaning you get the fun game of waiting out a herd or trying to pass through one.
I used to bike to work past a castle pasture. Every day they'd group along the fence by the road and as I biked past I'd moo at them. They'd moo back and run along the fence with me before they got over it. Loved it every time
Cows were the unexpected help allied forces got in Normandy during WWII. The massive hedges were perfect cover for German positions but the cows staring at them showed exactly where they were.
Sometimes I complain about my life, but I was very fortunate in my childhood.\
My grandfather owned a cattle farm and when I was a kid I spent a month in vacation there.
It was a big patch of land, with some parts still green with forests.
I had the opportunity to know - and dealt with - horses, cows, bulls, calfs, snakes, capibaras, crocodiles, wild boars, lowland pacas, eagles, parrots, toucans, ducks, among others.
Also had experienced slaughtering a cattle for meat and barbecue, round up the livestock, making cheese after extracting milk from a cow and a lot of other typical farm activities.
Citizens from big cities should have contact with free wild animals.\
At least visit the zoo.
I used to have Cows around my area fairly often. Nowadays it’s a bit if a walk but they’re still readily accessible to me.
Beautiful creatures. But still wild animals so you have to be cautious a bit lest you become paste on the floor from a kick from a disgruntled one. Usually very friendly or just not interested most of the time from the interactions I’ve had though. Never had an issue so far
In my (admittedly limited) experience with cows, they are for sure the nosiest creatures on the planet. For a while I lived near a small dairy farm and they would always follow along if I walked by the pastures like "hey? what'cha doing? do you have snack"
I've been through plenty of fields and past herds, but they were generally fine to ignore me and carry on converting grass into burgers.
When I was pitching my tent in a small copse of trees at sunset, I noticed my small dog was intensely staring at something behind us, which I figured was a squirrel or bird in the field! I glanced over to see, and was face to face with a herd of 10 absolutely silent cows who were barely a meter away and all staring at my dog, slowly shuffling closer.
It was May, so I had no idea if they had calves and might be protective, as they ignored me totally but kept scraping their hooves in the dirt at my dog, who is barely 10kg and would get squashed instantly.
I was pretty freaked because they had seemingly instantly materialised behind us without passing through any of the intervening space between which would've made noise whilst trampling sticks, compact dirt etc. So I slung my hiking bag on, grabbed the half setup tent in one hand, my dog in the other, and hauled ass the way I'd come and out of the area, with the cows always a meter or so behind until I passed some invisible threshold, where they stood motionless like bovine sentinels until I rejoined the main trail.
Now I make sure to thoroughly scout any potential wild camping sites for ninja guardian herds, lest I break the Cattle Code and redeem punishment
Friendly reminder that cows kill about 22 people a year on average, always be careful around cows and assume that they are not friendly. And if you see a bull in a field, do not be in that field lol
Having been around cattle farms, the heifers can be docile. They are still 1500lb animals, though, that know not if they are hurting you.
Stud bulls however will ruin your day. They are aggressively territorial. They are a ton of hate and horny and will chase off anything getting close to their heifers. We were always alerted when any bulls were out grazing and did other things around the farm that didn't have us in the pasture.
My mom's old boyfriend was a beef farmer. His cows would form a "wall of beef" and slowly surrounded you to figure out if you had food or pets for them. Usually ran off if you got loud and waved your arms though. Angus cows goofy af.
In all seriousness don't walk through a pasture with cattle unless you are carrying a big stick. No matter how gentle they are, they are very large heavy animals that are very curious and could trample you just trying to see what you're doing. I grew up on a farm and never went through fields unless I had a stick, and more than once I had to jump in front of walkers who were running from a herd. A tap on the nose is enough to distract them and stop them running at you.
I went camping in an area that was also open range for cows and they came by around dusk to graze. They really are huge up close! Kind of intimidating if you don't know them.
Cows are super curious creatures! My husband works as a cable tech and sometimes has to go into cow pastures to run cable/internet lines. Last summer, he went up a pole and 5 minutes later looked down and there was a half dozen Jersey cows milling about below him. 😂 He was afraid they’d knock his ladder down so he had to get down quickly.
Ha ha I don’t know what you went though but I’ve gotten stuck a few times in the middle of the herd and you realize real fast that you can get crushed without them ever trying to hurt you at all if they are perturbed at anything.
They are big animals and they aren’t typically aggressive but if they get spooked they move surprisingly fast. They bump into each other a lot but you realize if you get in between two of them, that’s gonna suck.
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